HR MEMO
To all Employees:> > Effective January 2007
> >
> > Dress CodeuC1f9fG'CL,M
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressedKX`E8qBm$Zi
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do notD P`w oRk Q'K
> > need a pay raise./Z8RYad
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manageB C1D0~ PnoU
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer"j)TR j H{+Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you@`9Q;a Q[B
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.
> >lp\.w[)]7k)B9M
> > Sick Days h S nt)S8J/{S,t
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate asZ PDa0DKP
> > proof of sickness.%r pC"m Bmle
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able*h"D^d%]6{ c?"O X([
> > to come to work.r:?4{ Q T x c"j6b2e
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a? W*H8H f
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >
> > Compassionate Leave E4r*sN)j h$x%`l9i/o\
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing A"T2F'h w;pzo
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-&z`+N1PCE
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is PE_c oz
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in theM2z edXa K \*`
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.[ } N6} W-ne)S
> >
> > Toilet Use An%Z:U"j^,R'c i-E
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9`*Y*Q?+jn
> > in the cubicles. GS5D Bw-? e k#A.D
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will JqU ~^
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. qU xh\G"k y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be vg_lIH
> > posted on the company notice board under the%x!P"W-H1c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.W _3w Y4q7a
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will beR2`*s8Wey!aq
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.:_'oV?@$o
> >*V S2W ^YCu!kEY.|
> > Lunch Break8VA,`"ZB7B(g B
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they*_u4f!v0d"M`8L
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2xM/p$^,U
> > maintain their average figure.mxD+f)|
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.}!Xj ` R!|/s;k@
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive t+T J]!ma
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5s X9wu1J)E-@0m!w)R
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.
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