HR MEMO
To all Employees:*n] w4T k/xj> > Effective January 2007M Ap$oY2[ {
> > K4v&^%|/G \ y}:}
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not \4W%j;` o-ek B
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage ]E(E&H r
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.
> >
> > Sick Days%N#fD!|*A,Rs
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2h,RT E!r3A
> > to come to work.4F cB8j ?2n G
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2a:ut N e7Pg `0e
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.fN dcTv
> >
> > Compassionate LeaveX"ln%s3I gA
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothingxA9a6e5b ?Um d2D7^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/}n s0UX J jt L&Jt
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in theg-TFLa+K
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one\%D CO J3_+E [
> > hour early. f(G dQ K r!d
> >
> > Toilet UsehcG O9RI
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8C X%vly
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit.] |7J'c gB6nA P
> > in the cubicles.#@6[m/Bu.`q6e y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6P9g8`Y(y @8q'i
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.({/y1I`\(F
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3? C/M5D7IO8L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4U'a6`%t_;Z J
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.
> >
> > Lunch BreakjjXxg2Y
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they,p]h#g3NaA `
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.n G n4J6IL,sY
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.? Im%I r,o8\ B2v
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4IR[ q%d~_U`j
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.9Oa;bh.t9]w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,:p8QOY4V)lB
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be ^f ?({R5E(ie ~gfWP2a
> > directed elsewhere.
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