HR MEMO
To all Employees:> > Effective January 2007*P0s#v6A+`Zb(t
> >"^ l C(Y]a ]'o
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressedd:K.h&UWN{d
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearingN9_(|*r2D(tS%b)Dp
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume i6a^;s:C&W:t
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.qh"vP2l!H*pZQ iAQ
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage E8Z ]] Z ~ s&W
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.!z |.Ny*}&Gy
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you:w%x%d.dc v m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1^~_J o w)k
> > raise.3?*U+p Q9J"p\ K_.?\ t
> >1j+q R,J,j/dc.nN
> > Sick DaysDA;ThR Df
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8gju F(K Luz5X
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.%{SX6H@Y1i
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.}:~7d+} l {
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-?'A M8G._Gg'\
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-.^gU O:geCu]
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is)C*j:y p[ pmM
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7Bpo$s/sP\6r
> > hour early.
> >lD9l:u V-?5BY1{
> > Toilet Use3I/[6q0[5}Y
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit o*`|6?)]-O$M
> > in the cubicles.*N?`c*OT:n
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6p6bC.zh3qY^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. A3l+r2J ]/`+m6pP
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.
> >
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0w,F$P7Ef5q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.+J8rZ\g
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. r6]+A@ zH]"Z;c
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive S h x:sOjCd~,a
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,'P[A1k E O
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.
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