HR MEMO
To all Employees:> > Effective January 2007
> >JJaB Z j
> > Dress CodeS.mu9_q"^jW
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed vl9`;E ]
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing)mW(ak;c.X;En'|
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.8`+F8X*]H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer N%u Sm&k j&Lv r9Vm
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay#?+ao(b)B
> > raise.
> > ~J G\4H W$n
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate asU)EROA0]:E
> > proof of sickness.] K(n_9h,?A;Y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able KbbU!?!t'M hF d
> > to come to work.#o;nB X5z/x[f:D*A
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> > B Sb j _:[ f
> > Compassionate Leave]-L5C7p.V/Co
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing as8s$hJ~}
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement isq {Gd4W"]/rI7\
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the P5D-}[F*P%IM v
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to workD"r2t0i U,Q }s'E%M K-Q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.Px` XJ [
> >
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0S \glmV
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.
> >K({ez/o"{u
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they.[`2Pa w j'mx
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.-c W7e(oA+[hY Yg
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal too4L-nh#k%gcg
> > maintain their average figure.|,Q-s7Il6hA"B FS
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time!J(b6qE+i k [8s
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.L$H tT1qd
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are r C-yo1t2I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.c!Jn2{e R
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,U st6zc6i%A
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.
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