HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:0 W0 P* ^/ D4 S  g3 Q" v* J$ l
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
# ]1 L- _) ?. d( T! S; ]* J> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
7 h0 r0 U7 W0 K$ V, J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 ~" D' _3 e+ \; s2 C+ e& p> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, L/ G0 A& D4 W( V; s8 F> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) q2 n  {* L6 g5 e) }> > need a pay raise.& o# O( \; K, @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 t! r. \+ M+ p0 m
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. z, H: h% v0 Z) f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) S- }1 i1 p; U( [> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" l' D% f6 p$ j6 ^> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# \* A# H9 c% \7 E3 ?; Z9 ~
> > raise.
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) h8 I0 `% a5 Y) C' P7 x> > Sick Days
5 L) L$ q- {- a9 l3 Y( e% _! q> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. M( E; Q7 O4 i& C- F" O/ o
> > proof of sickness.+ F' T0 {* ?. ]
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 l. ~% T; h7 C5 n) E! C5 ^% A
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days& E9 ^$ n4 c  p* U$ ~3 P$ l! R
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" Y. |2 P6 \1 x5 H
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., |# Q! ~0 h8 A& U
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> > Compassionate Leave' M$ q2 E2 I# j& e( P$ Z) s
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 @6 x7 c. T! B$ |2 B  C( ?4 Y, _! _
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 \3 t( R$ G4 |& O* A9 A> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% N7 l2 P, l3 e5 }! d> > employees attend to the arrangements.: c, D* g# d. b' T) f8 I7 k
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: ]0 X* d! `: D, u: d& E> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' e$ \* H1 [; H  \3 N' L+ t0 F1 E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- n6 {& F; o! G) `1 [
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: g: v; p; e) V# Z1 d& b# E> > hour early.( a( ]/ ~. F" L& G
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> > Toilet Use
. F0 E2 t  P9 z) o; ?+ t2 \7 n> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, E7 L; f: k/ R3 r& W4 D
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# J( F% n. q4 m0 T> > in the cubicles.5 H; v) W" A" h8 K2 Q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
  i" i0 v  |4 l4 E; [$ u> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" {" Q0 g+ l! ]  Y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- c$ A, ^* r% a( I8 r> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 t. s! T! s& A. {" V> > posted on the company notice board under the
3 H; g" Y' g0 K4 k5 k( Z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 n( y, G1 _9 v  u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; j0 [7 y2 a1 j: w* ]
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
! K7 T: h/ S9 c9 r' `9 h8 k> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break! d/ M& {5 u% H
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they- I; y9 M. L4 y- ?9 s( V
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 U, N' e" J2 j3 @
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  i$ _' C* F' S# m  n
> > maintain their average figure.- f+ e4 ^1 f  e! i0 ~* K! g
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time/ b3 k4 m, ?$ V3 o; `; Y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
5 k& Q# ^0 e- O+ w, f3 e> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! K$ I% L& @4 s! M> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" p- C4 w7 l# k8 |3 E! O& t* d> > employment experience.
' w' r! I# ?4 J( x. f> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 @1 C+ W- S. |- r
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# K' h9 u3 S/ O9 H5 J  ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) Y3 v( x* a: s& a/ b> > directed elsewhere.