HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) q; c% x- x5 s> >                     Effective January 2007
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& N3 S6 o7 V% }8 Y7 D> > Dress Code' }: z7 E; }" ~' G4 }% c* B
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 G; _2 U  V9 J7 `
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
0 L$ _& ?, ~; Y, _4 w2 q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 ?1 m& F6 f# J  E! i$ C& r> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# q/ _; [7 N& Q  J% Z5 T
> > need a pay raise.! w5 u& O' N# {4 z1 t9 T
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 p/ Z/ u8 R0 U8 \8 M> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. l# ~+ {, g7 ]# _. j; T4 Y' C  \, t> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 \* ~. p8 ?1 J: `, g. [> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you* U0 e1 I) w3 U0 X1 I" D+ Y( x
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay$ t1 m, a0 _2 i6 m+ b( K
> > raise.8 Y. z) }8 t+ C" w, C3 _  w7 k
> >
' K" x5 y/ `0 b! v6 ?- [> > Sick Days
' @' N0 r  ^2 W; a, u3 Z7 Z. v> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 S: U# b$ P! G: V0 n
> > proof of sickness.7 O1 M0 p# `" Q7 e/ X* A' t5 b' r1 D' \
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# q3 ^# s/ d0 v) \
> > to come to work.
9 h" `* x# |: {8 Y5 B' J8 o> >: [# `+ `/ l1 Q  a& c( U
> > Holiday Days
9 p& Z4 V& K9 Z  w& H/ N1 r' X. E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
' M6 V' q6 o0 U. ^, m$ N> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., J* U6 o9 x' W
> >
2 Y' o& l2 e& L# u> > Compassionate Leave& Z% L* z( R  t3 R6 c6 G/ f0 `9 g
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ o2 q1 {, R# ?+ E. M> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- {3 K7 L! P; \0 `$ v  B7 Y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; ]7 P7 d6 G$ y7 }: P
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' j' ^% u5 a4 Y) e+ ]5 h2 l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is% Z" N4 N% h9 M* `* n
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" l4 q# m" l' |: A4 h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: t. e/ Z& @# A" {9 v
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- ^( [' K& Y* V* s  o" H+ z> > hour early.6 A# W2 q! P+ n3 `- d) E* L
> >
: I# h7 @3 D$ k$ g1 b" K9 O; A. ]> > Toilet Use" g/ T0 j- Q, [; y3 J6 k
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 R& h" N9 r% i1 ], Z; Y" |. k$ r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
" b. W  a6 B1 i' H, U+ g+ o3 x9 k! i> > in the cubicles.) @$ C/ d/ F7 c, Z, h/ r' h$ z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. d. k+ V, `1 R/ v7 Q0 m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* L" u$ w+ ]- J0 u8 v) C$ G7 }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 g( G/ I/ O7 i  F
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! L( Q  S% f0 `/ [> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 D. b5 h9 ]( A/ N' z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 U- t$ T: d* Q* f: x/ D
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 \: r+ K; E# `( ~> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 [% X- \* l1 v8 o; x# p> > policy., ]9 a6 o) B# L( S
> >
7 r/ z2 _7 |3 |) L1 \5 e> > Lunch Break' l/ `4 b* Q1 r# v0 F
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! O8 _% v: I* \0 ]5 Q/ [6 |
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) z4 a: @  _  X% ?( h7 s8 k7 }
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: g* S9 L% d: e9 B
> > maintain their average figure.
1 W. b1 U+ w/ \' H! r$ N9 W> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 S  R: t/ ^" ?6 A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 u0 ]* ]3 ?. f2 T4 q1 A> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! `8 N: o( @3 `7 L% q> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; H- r+ o5 l/ z4 K
> > employment experience.
# G+ L0 O/ B& Y3 M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ h9 {! s! ~/ C8 y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 O- ^( d/ p5 I4 l! s2 s" ?( {> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( A4 Z4 r1 ~/ X6 x, T> > directed elsewhere.