HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:# B& d7 S: b5 n8 Y$ ]$ \* f) |, n
> >                     Effective January 20075 [3 x3 V. R; t$ t4 y0 w0 d
> >
$ o3 v0 j8 }: e> > Dress Code
* w4 ~: |1 B0 R> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  w+ P6 ]) q- v- Q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 O. N  I" \! c6 d6 W0 }
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 U- w  B1 W, r1 R# ]" h2 [$ c> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 Z6 S6 D9 |" n6 v7 Z
> > need a pay raise.6 w$ S; C4 o( O& t
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
" |; H9 T7 v5 b5 @$ R3 v8 E  p> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer  ?$ H) m1 f9 M" A& N9 e6 {0 A5 I% k: w
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ l- o9 V# p2 `3 \9 a
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- e1 ~' Q& I8 Q" \4 S> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 w- V  D3 R- `, ]4 O5 F> > raise.5 k0 h4 |. t  w8 \
> >
4 y4 {" ~2 B- e' z$ B2 N0 P> > Sick Days
* ~/ w& z- r  U3 J> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 Y( F0 r/ s7 `& W> > proof of sickness.  K6 {8 ?- j- Q' E+ V4 \: k
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 z' ]! z% U, w/ L9 N' K: A( P
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
! M$ n  [* \/ c% K> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
5 t; |: A, R, k7 q1 }6 b" h> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
+ o& ~  U  w- B) z0 ]- D> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 A/ m! D, R& H9 I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 ~' j2 E" d+ b8 E8 Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. j. B$ W% [7 k+ |# o1 M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.% H- F* u( q& c" W6 h' D; D1 t7 `
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
9 s. h# o9 @" v7 o% y! x+ a> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; p( X# N3 |, ?* q> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ x# f1 [4 B2 |) `
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* x. Q5 F( X' ?( u+ O9 b
> > hour early.* I0 z- h" E! L: w
> >
) p) ?: b- R. N* Y) k& H% O3 J: V> > Toilet Use( o" r0 Q9 e6 ~+ q4 a2 I' ?( f1 W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. ]$ Y  Y$ k0 u! o( `5 H* K  W7 f
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 Z( B' P& u/ d: ^> > in the cubicles.
$ @2 c& ?: o# V! U9 \% z# M2 Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% u& f# x2 O& I, Y> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 G$ L0 P, _4 ~7 \. m
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 R8 z6 t3 j# l- k5 R
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 H  \; s* S0 i* y+ U- o# h0 K4 \> > posted on the company notice board under the
% f% N- W$ ]! c- f1 o> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. C" [& r6 W* a; L. H( A8 q5 v0 m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
0 O' X( k1 @; x9 y, o1 O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health5 A" i2 q$ f. z# E2 l3 [6 i
> > policy.
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- T. `  k: ?# |, V> > Lunch Break
* G: j! J: z0 O$ D" y+ O; k> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ z$ h: p, x2 q* s1 x8 K> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ S0 S9 T! D' t" f> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
( a* y- u; J5 W, a. [2 U> > maintain their average figure.
7 o# b; f/ g  m$ l/ ^& m9 \; C> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" `' z' A( _) X% h% T, e! j; I! @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ J8 R6 D( w" K  Z( K* p
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 d. p6 e5 f% K) n0 h& n. |
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
/ O, Y( x/ }) T6 O> > employment experience.2 b& }  D5 p- ?
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
+ F0 q% f+ W, \2 c% T> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' S5 [7 }3 D; }+ `5 o* o- e
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
  D! j$ R( t& J: ]2 U5 H> > directed elsewhere.