HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. }0 u/ |/ R! i+ ~" c3 _5 ?
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code. y2 [$ N8 B* R* O
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& p* v9 g6 Z; E& M0 [> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% I4 Z) [" R. z- H0 }* U' P/ _> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 {- e4 W2 r% p) C0 K8 C4 v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% G2 L$ p; t9 F( U) p
> > need a pay raise.) s3 G7 t& L  c( V) g
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) x: |3 U$ U2 S* _; B
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
' C& k& x2 r" q! `1 ~" [) B> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# r/ L% E$ Z+ g' B> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
1 o# W2 r8 n1 {, D- Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 K) a, o- H! C$ n/ R5 H  R+ C> > raise.% f3 O. I* I0 H% k, }! G% ^
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> > Sick Days
8 `! \. T5 `; P, U6 j8 ?2 }, O> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' u. {$ Z- d( E" ^> > proof of sickness.2 |' s; l& ^' _6 ~; v  t7 i/ J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- V$ s, n+ ^3 L6 X8 x8 A: n$ ~> > to come to work.9 k0 S  R& K, ^( B0 A1 y/ R
> >5 S8 Z$ \- y4 @+ y% p
> > Holiday Days
& Q' h5 Y; ^; T0 i" T2 l9 C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" }2 Y% t/ Q3 a5 {> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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- H/ ^* f5 A$ F% U" i+ `) A> > Compassionate Leave3 C# p8 P) P: g* u: L2 [! c+ s
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) H* c. x5 n( I: ~; Z; h3 f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. k% A' \/ g: y& C> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 {. _, V0 D" U% P# |2 N& x> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. ]2 R$ F. s# G) }+ \1 y> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; l9 `1 Q: s$ T# t1 a% p! m> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' [1 G9 s8 _/ t2 I9 y, j7 f> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) Y0 X1 w% B+ y8 o+ {) {7 P> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one- b; @, D7 z  |9 J* n
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use2 d7 A4 D' B" h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 O/ U, C" S8 k4 o. F> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 C/ j$ \$ X% ]> > in the cubicles.- q* ^, k& C9 j) W
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 [9 S! g6 e  T( A  N, ?3 ~> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
& p& u  c$ ^) ]# V> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* i: F, h6 D6 N/ r% c+ _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ g. t" q. V# V' q8 k5 O) U- E
> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 p* E$ {' a- `3 _  @$ M4 M> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 Z$ A! ^  h& t7 ?* N
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- M0 o% n! w2 s2 Q* W( Q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health) W3 s/ A- U( N6 B4 o7 I2 a% i( x
> > policy.
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" W  a4 l6 y+ W, D/ H4 X6 W7 d3 q0 H> > Lunch Break6 J+ |9 a( i0 w2 `' D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* k' i; B- `  @2 W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 K9 x( o  ^- t/ A, B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( Q; t$ O* I' f5 H; F' V% \  ~
> > maintain their average figure.
  ^$ s" C5 U, y! L: c4 k> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 L2 u' a8 g( D> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  d6 L2 }2 {  X0 D! h4 R5 \9 |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" H+ r& [" m4 t  z7 u
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. c" B/ w( u: }( r+ P) k, J  a# |2 y> > employment experience.. B! \& Q# D3 @
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
+ X% P. K% V* [> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; h8 x- S* M" u* r. A
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 Y8 a( Z* C) o> > directed elsewhere.