HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:& S5 z! [! e; K5 y
> >                     Effective January 2007
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. y7 m6 D: O6 L) d- x. k> > Dress Code  o2 L; |6 A# L; D
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ J* M% W9 t; V4 F% P$ x( a$ z; U3 s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. A) O8 ~8 `/ s& g
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 L+ U. C9 i; t! z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& Q' d; M/ l: u' t9 g& P> > need a pay raise.% s7 ~! ^. R" r- V# ?
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, i1 P- F# B7 m" @& c( ?* T
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( @, T6 Y" ?# w' O" L7 Y9 e  Q, Q> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 r( U. u" P" K; S0 s2 ~( f
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- c1 w0 e$ e, u, ~
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 @- e0 x$ O, P/ p% Q. ^+ F> > raise.
2 O# ]7 S7 J. e+ v! J- l> >
5 D8 ?  B9 P2 ]8 _> > Sick Days
9 [. V$ M& H2 q: v7 c2 t2 z' Z> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( q6 Z' H7 f* ~% F/ e8 U) P" z> > proof of sickness.
$ }" ^* T) o% u5 r  x$ B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& a; m: r$ P+ I2 i  M
> > to come to work.; K/ U! a; x/ `1 Q5 M
> >4 C2 Z& g- s: _7 q# ]) n3 J  z
> > Holiday Days% p5 g: ]5 M4 v( f* D$ s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) _8 D3 q4 W$ ]# X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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. n( e* Z; W2 }0 y- P1 }+ ~> > Compassionate Leave2 p7 M: Z, g* q0 e+ ]
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, u: M0 F3 f) V& b) H. N9 b4 |0 f> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# p0 N) S8 H0 \5 |
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* a+ j* {/ a2 \& l> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 N2 y, e5 O! f, `9 O$ y, l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 Y3 D/ H( g# \  Z0 I  T> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) u  K$ V! A' X% F> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, W, N  U0 A* @1 s" ?6 i' O# H% C. S
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 |1 Q. O) A: Y- i( @* _5 R+ }* E  [
> > hour early.* e7 G# c* d4 u6 B( _( G
> >. J6 R( c" ]$ d3 C% g1 R
> > Toilet Use
4 }' `3 O1 j1 t> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 i0 F; F8 n5 c
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 D- F/ L1 _1 c0 P> > in the cubicles.
* z/ ]: V3 j: |/ M4 b  M& `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will8 |! W! l8 m) }! P; Q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% H2 w! \% ]4 n% d$ B
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: V0 G+ R5 C4 t$ N) O> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be, s. y0 j+ B0 C( v: l
> > posted on the company notice board under the% L+ ~4 m4 S4 ], K
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% h$ H" z5 g6 T. V
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 \% X7 g5 m' i: D6 Z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 i' t; f2 c, @$ a- z3 C> > policy.
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% R1 o4 f- k) B' B> > Lunch Break7 A* j, O, v0 q  P( h* G1 t
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 ~+ w3 t6 i1 B8 _9 W/ J# Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
  k, G# X4 N  L1 G> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, F. ^+ @; r; b1 e> > maintain their average figure.
' F* H6 R- C. R& Z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& l& V' D4 V- J$ L. n) k# M" e> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& n" Z* N7 U( v: q& E6 v
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 x" K3 ?* [9 ~' C. w
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ R& d: r1 [* V
> > employment experience.* }2 j5 d3 c- a
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  V2 o' \! e' O: c+ g> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 L% w' b6 D( E! E. y, Q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 j4 R) U; [" F  p> > directed elsewhere.