HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:9 c0 l% O, G. Q% L- N) }! t- k
> >                     Effective January 2007) E, |# F5 e: V0 z, y3 \
> >0 q; s4 C3 T5 j* O0 \$ M
> > Dress Code
7 h& O: n8 @8 P5 V" F> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  }' I4 S  f+ y4 D> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 V! h) C7 ?& i1 l+ `" b
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 r9 W+ w& r; {) P- g
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
" J# A0 v8 s6 }  l2 o! r! A$ n> > need a pay raise.. U, F; v/ X7 N! f' z2 @) R7 P# A, a2 @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 D0 o! X8 m, E8 L( a/ w- l4 v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% L- @3 k  J9 x( t. ]
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: x! z9 f* Z$ Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 i; b- |( ^! L> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# P# p! Z4 T: @
> > raise.1 l* F, _. v" _1 u$ ?. A: d
> >
6 f' V. H' C9 J> > Sick Days
, p, q( z3 q( z: f> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" p+ p, x0 R4 ]
> > proof of sickness.
4 R- h: ?/ c. @0 U; ?; m$ S+ L, F4 Z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ a" k( |5 k4 f! [) ^5 G
> > to come to work.( i; u. |9 i' _$ G' p4 k
> >% T$ _# T, d1 p
> > Holiday Days: U$ B4 @- r# X/ [( q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 r: @7 [  Y4 i& w! V+ A$ i% H* K- a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  F2 U2 Y" p  e" K! o; ~* o
> >, p  ?! y. I+ f/ _8 c
> > Compassionate Leave
' b- ]6 w6 }# _! a2 i> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ q% n, W6 }2 a3 P4 I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 P% D% N% i9 ?4 w+ V: o
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! S  n: b! k0 Q3 j0 @1 I> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& d1 `! f3 u9 S1 |* O1 {# d> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 M9 b/ T4 s' h' N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) i7 ~1 e! m  d4 i, z' ?+ T
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ W  g& k$ j% |$ U! h
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  O  G! O* z1 K6 v: b> > hour early.; C- p& T, C' D) S# V# r
> >
7 A% |3 c( ?) V4 T4 G> > Toilet Use0 O% I9 T. A" b0 s: n9 R
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  b( r1 y' V+ U. N* m/ H; k' n0 v7 Q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 V6 L4 |& B' x) J> > in the cubicles.
- B0 @- [5 M6 o& t7 o, S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" s" P- P( y8 e7 _, U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" n$ W9 b; R* L> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ K' W! X6 {8 g/ ^9 a' a1 y; ]( I* x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ n1 e. r; E, O0 K# X# c/ g> > posted on the company notice board under the' i' Q3 e; E- X; o/ W3 X% h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  m# P$ |# _4 b3 f
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' Z5 l6 w3 u8 u6 Q/ s8 T5 W0 s; x
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health5 G- }# N; |0 }( N' T
> > policy.! {/ X" v: D) T: A2 U. [. a  o- a: B
> >* Z4 T) E% C: X5 N5 @3 i
> > Lunch Break
: Z1 }) p7 I' J6 Q% D, X> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 p8 l; ]" h0 }  i> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: t* Y2 `$ D" I7 B8 w: a* w> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 K# p1 L/ b( W4 ?( T/ o6 {$ ^* u> > maintain their average figure.  M% F' B, F) T0 n, ?1 T
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 o% t* p: {; p
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ F2 X& s, E4 ~4 G1 x> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: S8 K7 `9 Z$ L- ]6 v3 V/ q: X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" Q: B1 N+ n( W1 K' q/ ^, @
> > employment experience.0 H/ y( @8 z. i' d* e( y+ r5 l9 D
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 G5 G$ d3 K+ j8 Z+ i' V> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% r0 F; A3 @$ D> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& i" Z- o7 |- y2 X> > directed elsewhere.