HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) [. ~% M- e6 |+ U
> >                     Effective January 2007- P2 X' b0 R3 V8 Q1 B
> >
' l. A! y$ B7 {0 C! }+ {+ a> > Dress Code1 T! T% b+ J+ D" h5 ~8 C
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 {0 |0 k: c/ j! Q! [7 A/ v> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. J) Q- }( V) E, }7 l2 a& t3 n> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 m' h8 g) m2 }; ^: l> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. o' A1 N- w4 h
> > need a pay raise.% _, v6 N0 D& E6 q5 t
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
/ ?% e2 M; P, ~4 d* S/ A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' _3 ^0 f! n5 O5 B  x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 P, x! D0 w6 F4 b0 D! R1 i* O% D> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* n4 k) i7 I% f1 @" @$ Y' T8 X> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
/ _* x( d/ \4 t7 w, p" G: M+ j> > raise.
3 D8 m  O( m# Y% f( ], @8 R/ y> >
2 [# ^! F1 j7 X7 g; H> > Sick Days
. R. u2 X; z3 s& G+ A> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 L/ W  O2 j2 _, B9 E- P> > proof of sickness.) R  T' d+ x$ [* V
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 y' E/ P1 e' \) |9 X7 Q. `) b> > to come to work.7 B8 x1 \+ J8 u6 |' M5 J
> >
' I' P* v9 A; H5 S> > Holiday Days* ?# E# C) n" p6 ]- S
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
$ w0 |+ X4 R9 D3 c> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; t# u- W( y) N6 O4 D2 B# ], H4 X> >  _% g. o/ C/ W- K1 }! i
> > Compassionate Leave- B" J, o, e3 U5 G# A' k  r. J# h
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 S5 O- L( |" v3 E0 x> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 q: I2 Z* r3 P> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 ?2 z' J+ q0 w. T
> > employees attend to the arrangements.* [% _2 ~9 g2 L8 E& j8 _' z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 l; r$ S. o, x/ j( o
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( i2 B3 y* [8 x! g) v
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
: G! i% Q8 _2 E* \) j! s> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' `0 a; {% X+ H& R" s* ?6 h
> > hour early.4 P% c/ P! _7 S% {% U$ {. W
> >9 j4 U0 }5 B* x
> > Toilet Use
+ _0 G+ m" [6 ]+ S/ X0 S2 e> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the  D* K4 ?5 j3 O- K9 A
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 Y6 e; J) s% k7 V8 _* K5 V
> > in the cubicles.
# g8 W! o6 u; @  P- O> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 C. @8 c! X7 M1 B( s7 p: ~> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 A, }: w- U$ y; d/ h4 A1 c> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& W2 e" A9 H. x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
  x8 G+ `" ~5 M- u4 b> > posted on the company notice board under the+ k; D) a1 }# [4 G2 U
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 K+ D& l+ n6 m: \
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 N: E& j: H; ^. i
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 i0 s5 ?; K$ i
> > policy.
! K; O1 C4 E$ M, F+ b6 ~9 L> >
) G  W* R% M& G$ \6 S; c- ]> > Lunch Break- G1 K* L9 K' r7 x' Q- u- l5 q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 W0 M/ q% e  A5 M8 m. r9 F0 {> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) n$ c2 j( g6 p6 l" G$ Y
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ u1 X8 F; l. N& d! I2 ~
> > maintain their average figure.
* F: {# z( f  V/ f7 [  [2 H6 ?> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% f% ~/ y9 O, l$ `$ Y- I3 @- O> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ K0 H0 O: E6 T- N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; j& Y9 l, E: b3 w2 j> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' U6 G! g7 b0 I  t5 o, l> > employment experience.
! ]9 @" b9 Z3 p) L  p> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
9 A7 ^3 M; D2 K5 y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 k" w- Z& @7 p" \: ~1 u
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% d& R" J: Y& {: E0 d- L. ~
> > directed elsewhere.