HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" o( H: w  r% k5 M. L7 R7 |" Y7 X' U$ m/ x
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code+ J3 t! ^# f3 w
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. a# O$ ]* m5 P" f> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 F5 Q0 [/ O( y5 w- s> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! ^; I! m" J6 I# n- m> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; [9 Q! [+ `" |> > need a pay raise.% k, a, o% ^8 x2 }6 j, C
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& g  e# z; |# v) U- t- k" l> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 ], Q+ i8 V7 z5 @: G) {> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- |& a* F- S' E% r> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 @; N2 A0 Y! Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay0 N2 [/ S: L' l, |% w
> > raise.
: f0 t4 H9 h# q8 F% a> >
4 h9 S! c  Q3 a2 e. z> > Sick Days
9 Q. b% P3 l: w) ~" I5 L0 Q> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  \  ~# Z( G, p1 K
> > proof of sickness.
  M% \5 y" f* Q# J> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able( {0 u1 `) e/ M" W8 \+ P
> > to come to work.: D' {8 t% s% S7 J( \0 j( ?
> >
8 T' E: e- E! |> > Holiday Days0 [4 m5 r* E% p1 P# y( s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. S) q, o2 {/ s* d+ }4 t- z3 z8 q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& h2 N" C/ W6 X% J* d* J
> >9 d- E( K4 x) e
> > Compassionate Leave  i% ]& F) g# k! w
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing6 u8 {7 F- F2 k7 P& _  ~" J8 G
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- r! E/ U: x1 p8 K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 E# X9 W: o# E0 w> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ ]4 n4 H& b3 i6 \  C  U+ _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 T$ K7 U# y, J7 Z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( R6 A5 I, ]. ], C0 r9 i; `
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' s6 o  E7 M! g7 o
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: z5 z% b4 u; C9 U> > hour early.4 y8 O, m; f0 w( ]
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> > Toilet Use
" G: S7 Z' ^$ `5 `7 o+ V( R> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- g2 {+ n9 s4 V% q/ M  l5 [
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 }: ?+ u& D+ J3 k, B/ ~
> > in the cubicles.
+ r  F( k$ Y, ~4 T> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 x+ h2 o8 j; j8 T% ~3 x
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" n8 V! M" k: i, A0 ~2 T> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 o$ R$ [5 S9 b: Z1 S4 u> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
" H: E4 P4 F1 `: y> > posted on the company notice board under the9 ~  T4 W6 j$ {- n5 |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 Z: p, p  \, X, h
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 u! l6 v2 S" U% {, S> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ `. R' O3 J, x4 P1 A
> > policy.: F4 R; b6 j5 s2 e0 {# b
> >, a8 y, t' N+ y
> > Lunch Break
, A+ g5 Q+ P9 n5 n( S> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 a1 k2 f) P: `! t/ v+ a5 C
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) r' a+ h) I$ R: {. p6 E> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* v5 e1 H& r7 P3 a> > maintain their average figure.0 {) t0 O8 U+ m% X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time+ Y: N2 s+ R& z  y6 z' c" x7 }1 E
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& g& M0 Z! H+ b: N5 J* M7 u! X  u> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' N7 B/ K  g  s7 |! M8 y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 T3 }. b- P9 V! e* h/ U
> > employment experience.
  d# \+ I+ n5 M/ x  ~2 ^6 w: {9 a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,; y1 v$ F4 ?: C# n( e
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ k& M8 l8 _. q+ p9 I> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! o3 ~# `5 b8 U' z> > directed elsewhere.