HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:! b0 y! b  ?3 |6 l" b# T
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
6 c8 @$ y" W, i. {* y4 @; J2 h3 u> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 m7 _- b% ]2 G2 y0 \5 r" h) t8 r
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 w7 f; O. b( j( j% Q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# ?% s! h% {* I" K
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, r/ V0 ~( @- w4 y> > need a pay raise.8 j/ u( B. `: I1 D# n
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# c/ L0 m5 ?5 Z3 G8 g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- f8 z% G/ R- C0 q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 B; a. S/ x4 d% Q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& U6 a+ ?8 L# d. B6 ], G+ F3 @6 |; C> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" R7 p  f- E& H( ?, s* y
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days& X* `8 m# N- y4 ~1 a0 m
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' [. L7 `7 ]5 @7 [5 U0 s> > proof of sickness.8 t2 T$ N5 {+ D* U, N
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; ^' z7 z6 P- T$ X. q, h; d* q
> > to come to work.) N( a0 r- O4 {6 W. ?. r# k
> >
5 d- y* A5 z+ O5 w/ v: [5 w' J& M> > Holiday Days
  Y3 M' y4 }9 A: p) B* S> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* U8 ~) a3 P1 Z& O0 Y7 ?9 Q* @
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' b! y) [2 d) F8 K+ Z$ f
> >  Y/ [/ j9 I& t) ]) c
> > Compassionate Leave
: c0 |: N1 [3 a: Y; u' j0 z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! E* [4 @' [; Z! e; G
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ Q8 H! s9 }- N3 A> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-+ z* V1 B/ f8 t9 Z. W
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ t4 Y9 ~. F5 A' t* x' p' @
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) I) _! f: t- _5 h> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& s- @: W4 d& }* `; }; [5 Z2 @  g* E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 D& w% r  R, C4 p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 l! h' n7 W! p> > hour early.. v3 H- S' j: ?0 D! y3 `3 ^2 ]
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> > Toilet Use
. l2 T+ a8 [( O6 _. D> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# i' O. \$ N, h4 f0 T. f& E! i> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 A4 S  L1 b* {> > in the cubicles.
, c* m, [+ E; R4 u: l7 [> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. B) C  c9 @" C7 o: M8 Q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' ^/ G5 v( g6 ~6 L( Q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& s# B! Y% I. [5 q" q4 E9 x# I7 _> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( J+ m  w$ L  R/ S; h/ j% ?, i
> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 C$ Z+ M! g8 C6 F> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
  |" n$ M2 I; r8 s7 `/ q0 r> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 r5 W) L, U0 p) z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) p# i% D( s+ M8 E( V> > policy.% m: f! d! p0 }4 K2 k% Z3 U0 y  f
> >. [' F" ~9 l. {! D" f9 ]7 w( v3 l
> > Lunch Break
6 m- P: t6 h& E> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
' s. a# i. {2 _9 q, I4 Q7 _> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
3 a, {% _0 z0 o0 f> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ T# `# p0 }. e> > maintain their average figure.
4 L3 n: Z" s/ y' Z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ P8 U3 @1 f/ f4 e& d* b, I' f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 c8 l* q) y5 ~4 M> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ l7 c0 R0 \( H+ V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ A0 a5 X# [; V% |> > employment experience.
) R% |* l* Y' E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" B5 q' d: i' Z% x3 a8 F! {* V> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. i5 `3 `9 V/ i# i; v6 I# o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 S4 L. }& Y( D6 A5 E% X% K7 O& A> > directed elsewhere.