HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& X* Z; V, U: n+ W  r4 {/ D' Z# o> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
# }/ ?5 l8 H" U. Q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
6 c, S+ r3 e6 h6 [: k/ `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
; K$ p8 q0 G% w$ L9 g6 H/ D' `> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( Q2 P+ {8 \$ k4 d
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 W& X! \+ ?$ f  B> > need a pay raise.
# F8 J; E! e/ ]3 `  P> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- S4 }3 U6 D9 g) E
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 i" ?5 R0 w8 F9 k% V, z+ r( X. `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. W+ r/ k9 m' E> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
6 A: ^$ j3 N- U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# g  Q$ e& b2 d% u! M* S
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
) c. B  w4 }9 t& n2 O> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" b& W0 n  v" F- z3 `# ~  Q
> > proof of sickness.
8 {* R2 P' E' B7 X/ K. Y6 ^, B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# P) H5 _# S0 L4 s8 b> > to come to work.4 s$ j2 m$ c0 |- i
> >$ f5 j2 M) v8 e
> > Holiday Days. e; X; }, \9 o9 {+ U
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( {7 F  m1 |: l: u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
0 z7 ~9 C+ K: a: M* b; B$ g> >
3 h4 M' M0 m5 ^# S> > Compassionate Leave/ d& B# d1 e( W4 \8 S" T4 R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 H+ A6 [3 F+ ~- e! P5 x
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* h& V9 W9 V+ u) M9 B> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  T  }) R( l5 L( ~$ u6 B3 t, e7 o2 w& {. a
> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 O3 o  J4 y0 r& {
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, h& a( c& F- C> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! F4 r$ e' u% I; C. f* S> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" N6 x" _* l- a5 o! p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: Y9 l9 n6 q3 f3 @
> > hour early.- G7 Q, v( B6 W1 f" _; Z, s
> >% s. Q6 N, `1 o2 A9 G2 d
> > Toilet Use
* a3 n' g$ c6 ]& @2 V% R/ ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 D  P1 l3 r7 Q- i: h2 E# [
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: u# X, U* P* c3 w5 m6 |> > in the cubicles.
4 `  ]" ]7 F' L9 r  U' V6 i> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ c" f' `. w) i* T2 h> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  r* q* y( V  d% j  E0 p/ N> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! Z) a6 z6 R8 f; s/ e5 w
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 C: p+ \! ^9 g
> > posted on the company notice board under the
! R, b  Y# Y% P> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
' o& {. {) h' v7 R3 C7 u> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' ~+ _4 ]1 e8 M6 [$ S" S> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 I$ N( z2 e" R% ^
> > policy.
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8 E. \; o6 ^3 P> > Lunch Break
: H6 c7 r9 _# L, L% G& u> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# w# v. i5 M8 }! E
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
  J  ~) a) A* o( T> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- N( L& [. R% [: @, q, n! k> > maintain their average figure.0 h" E1 r3 R/ d$ j5 d* a4 ^
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' _0 W) F/ K' `8 E$ `( Q" o1 w/ E0 j! B> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 H  g5 m$ H5 n( R6 x
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
8 `# K  W- q7 U1 U) `8 W% M' z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive% \2 j0 {9 j% ]4 h9 @
> > employment experience.
1 y* ]) T! l8 [2 ]> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 {! d. U; o8 w0 V9 n. l& x7 F/ |
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," P8 Z& b: b2 a
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 c/ F) c" r* e5 |> > directed elsewhere.