HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 E2 C/ {+ c, q+ I, n& {2 V& ?1 a
> >                     Effective January 2007) I0 T/ v; u2 J' Y) F0 b8 b
> >  w& T1 P: ]8 W3 p
> > Dress Code1 ?- l( m) j  a- s0 ~
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ r) S: U' L2 b( j# f> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 R9 I; _# `2 s* W7 h: i8 q. ^> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 _, W9 I& h  z+ m% Q# j  t  a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 R! W5 K- o& ?/ G0 l1 g, G> > need a pay raise.
" h# \, o  N- a> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# f+ s" j" {0 d, n5 W> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 p7 \, l3 m% Q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' T  u; U% H0 Q. c  m& R* ~> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* U/ l* R% |6 c3 f2 F> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) W- k9 ~& q" E  P( R> > raise.
9 c* l9 U& y" O% }$ f; v" C> >! p! L- g$ w; n# c8 \, D( y2 k
> > Sick Days
! d4 q8 f- T, U9 j( |> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ M8 ~' ~, h! H> > proof of sickness.4 M% t! O% G5 i! s! a" Q$ S9 r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* Z3 @' A2 w- p# v$ {- [
> > to come to work.
" S1 n' Y8 I& S> >* ~7 r: {7 J, C: D: m8 v/ Q/ ^
> > Holiday Days
( D! K" i& ]" T1 B> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% Q; H. `( x% f( f
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; t, Q" e/ }( b# n' J* C9 u! T6 f> >: [8 Y: I9 S4 c
> > Compassionate Leave/ ^6 d6 n* g- Z6 a6 \
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 ?9 V) T& ?; z( U" z& i  d) @# `
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) G* r9 T' v& p2 C# N> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# D7 A! {2 W2 v, ]
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ J1 X' C5 D. ~  C) }: I! y. G
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is2 v' D8 B$ ]/ p6 h3 X
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* g$ U4 D( a! [" T> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( Z5 q  K  H% B/ [
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one" j& j/ ?' m: @
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
6 ]0 @) h' V& k- ^: d0 {2 d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 _. x! C- s, C0 g( e
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! d6 c9 E: l) t5 P: {! b( e
> > in the cubicles.5 F" A9 y, e" m/ o& @' Z! D3 w
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* [7 R0 T& G$ F. a5 l7 i  |7 J
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* T- @+ n8 ^  L8 d; k" Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 u: }9 f+ r- s7 L( Z- q& L" T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% `% z2 g" n1 @! X1 }# }> > posted on the company notice board under the9 O3 {8 V8 D( I. ]) t; f
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 }( @  \& J3 x; {+ ~! t1 _
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 r* D% Z2 d+ u+ b$ H! `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 q1 \8 o' H2 C; h( i8 Y1 ]5 F
> > policy.
! F3 Z: M( c7 e+ O" _> >
6 r' q: O/ R$ t> > Lunch Break
6 Z9 ?( k6 d/ T9 j2 I3 U0 m  h2 f> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
2 g" G* U! n; g> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ M! Q# n- _6 B
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) F, a* ?# u& B7 J/ Z! H4 u# V* u0 P> > maintain their average figure.5 O* d. k; V$ Z; K. a# E  Q: i
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* R: I( |5 X* Z  j3 q( k' ]! B8 m0 [> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' g- Y* ?2 S6 j( y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 Q: U% \1 Z9 W# ~, x8 T1 Z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 s3 w4 F( O$ S0 l! o1 H
> > employment experience.
3 P4 k. q3 F% O> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ z2 h% i0 P9 \% U; q# I! s. a/ N> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 c  J0 h1 u: N( {- g5 u) f
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ x: a5 a3 ^& ?: p: K5 ?
> > directed elsewhere.