HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* F* G  _* v, i) W
> >                     Effective January 2007$ d" j, V$ r5 @7 H3 e& V) q- y
> >
1 }$ k, H' C! `> > Dress Code
! T- `% z' i$ `. i+ @4 a& N6 a> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 \. e( E7 T0 _" Q! ]" {
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
3 v/ f% m6 m0 ^& [4 f5 c+ B0 h> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 o) n# C8 M. B2 i> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ L+ ^; r! ?( {3 R  V& w2 Z
> > need a pay raise.
( }& ?7 n9 o& ?> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  k2 ]8 o6 Q+ ?> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 {8 S9 y8 ~) ^: \9 v/ A
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- V. g0 {2 `: j) r
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) y$ o) d) }2 s$ t3 I> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" G$ W  b5 x4 `1 y; k1 M  C> > raise.# u  S" P5 l( h: H6 K1 r
> >
8 W/ d. ^: S  @. N( R9 k& V9 o! c> > Sick Days( y. E4 c/ z4 J! Y, j
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- W( e. R( f9 F, X2 H: F
> > proof of sickness.
. f$ K; g; T- ]3 f> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ T, s1 z& j% ~8 D> > to come to work.& _4 ?$ Y; |  a' a
> >
+ ?3 y  h) \, W8 U9 E> > Holiday Days0 a! i* T6 d7 ?0 M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 P: l2 n, |, {' a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
) t+ b' k/ t( O0 q: V! f: K> >
2 w& R5 `0 r% }& W* S> > Compassionate Leave% C% \6 [# k9 b* D8 \
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 t" b. T! d) R1 Z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
, [- A2 R1 K9 l4 X> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( s8 r3 K4 v0 b1 Y) p4 I/ m2 S
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
  s+ z- a7 {3 m9 }% m/ p7 I# G> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 D3 T4 {/ _9 O: E+ U, v2 i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% ]8 o: k; o0 B% ~: ?) B> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 H4 @6 H5 {. f  `+ l  w; H/ f) q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 P% P2 ?: d0 H' r  @
> > hour early.
8 L4 @7 y8 p& ~/ @7 k2 g> >% _+ h" i, [4 I1 ]( G
> > Toilet Use
& B  [) O. Q* x- w# }3 O9 J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 u! H9 H" |0 F( g/ K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' A& c0 G3 t. b6 |7 r5 Q> > in the cubicles.
+ R" v! ?9 S. V4 I3 H> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. r! n; i7 x% Q' p
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* Z. `0 T2 u9 L
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- ^3 Y/ {* D% q5 X2 j7 l4 f$ }( t
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 Q  k5 v6 j& U2 ]6 c, V% f
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ O# _. c$ o& u8 _0 _
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 N* K  n+ j4 q0 p$ r6 i9 N
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 m5 d  [4 b- O2 D
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 w9 R) O2 H  C! F& }+ H> > policy.
/ T7 h6 d! L0 ]* g. ]0 p8 {4 m3 m> >
) _+ K* h+ A! W. t% G> > Lunch Break
( [: A( A- Y, K) ?* Z! C> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ y5 P+ P) n' }. J5 m
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 z) e: Q$ x) _$ ^) w4 `; I> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) z& k, F5 y" m- G" O- d, S$ L) Y  B
> > maintain their average figure.9 Q( S6 z! w4 _; J1 }( ?. M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 l( Z1 }) n( s" g( X8 k# j> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ G" S: w* f. J5 T/ v) P0 ^  b/ S( E> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( T: X& x& @. T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ E1 n9 ~  U3 C> > employment experience.
& K) u' h- r5 V: t> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 W! ~: l% h. u
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  ]1 U1 [/ p7 ?" v> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 S+ p' q* x  g1 Y7 W5 C4 X8 ^> > directed elsewhere.