HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ g+ e8 s6 z- E> >                     Effective January 20071 P% o5 e, ^) Q: ^) X! x
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> > Dress Code" Z* B# m+ }+ B" C
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; Y: m3 U, R% \7 G4 W0 i2 U* G
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 U; M# g  \8 s+ T7 z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( M* o$ ]: B/ g. g% P( H& i7 Y2 Z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# X: C! l3 x6 [/ x9 t! R> > need a pay raise.
) f& t1 ]; T: T$ @: u" J> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% f1 Q1 s: ^* n% f3 p, {> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* O' a" d! k  J% p% k4 N> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. l" n. G' f' u
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# I" F: |' C9 B+ `- }7 G3 u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 Z. F% ^6 ?4 j' {$ a* R  }$ R# W9 n
> > raise., p. D1 n6 e- y! ]6 K" {
> >
, w% z# ~$ a- d3 o6 R> > Sick Days8 {6 }3 w  ~3 p4 f* A) J! Z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% n' S7 ]) Y; m! f. y2 n2 k> > proof of sickness.. j* _/ R4 \" Q3 B# z$ K6 j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ v4 G: K0 ?6 ?( K4 ?% a7 |> > to come to work.( e/ A; x5 c" S1 x8 X4 q
> >0 b0 m' ]' D$ }' x
> > Holiday Days  Y' N) N- ]' D  V" U  V
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% Q5 z% M% n  m> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ A5 r, @' F7 R( ^
> >8 ?! T% b0 G# [* y2 y2 u5 q
> > Compassionate Leave' E8 C" d: Z$ O7 w; w
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' F, N- E- x' B( g; j3 h
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 S0 h2 a5 X7 u. v% x; `; [> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 z" `6 Q( s  @7 O% l, V2 w> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' W9 u& d  g+ j; g3 @> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- q" _1 f9 U8 p7 e
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! ^7 m, R" d/ |8 R6 L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, ?' v4 m; J4 z9 t' ?' ]$ i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ f6 Q4 z) m6 B8 P
> > hour early.) {: E  B( P) h2 j( t/ ]/ j
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> > Toilet Use+ E$ l! y) w( Q6 P" }% q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" p# S& }# S* \* A> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! y; a. ~$ H2 _. h
> > in the cubicles.
6 P# v, s4 N. {" B- Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 Z+ u' p& s- T* m+ B+ e# _# s$ M2 v
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ G/ o7 L& X' k  x: Q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& M7 I% o) X! n, M. ]: t( J> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) I/ f8 S+ R' y9 L, O& O4 y
> > posted on the company notice board under the
$ c" x- d, r( i0 Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 k3 J; r5 U" K9 f
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* K6 c2 l9 g' Z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 G9 `( y; g* t0 `2 m3 K3 X6 P: T8 d' U> > policy./ u  `7 b$ W+ ]$ Q2 J: B1 C
> >: [, q1 p" Y* D" s) q3 u) ], c5 l
> > Lunch Break% v: T( F& V" y8 r7 i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& I; x( ]+ J: Z/ _( n6 ~( T' F
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( F" M( |6 i- C1 E8 H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 s! E% N, t0 d5 N
> > maintain their average figure.
* O  S) g/ D2 M- M/ A; Q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
+ _/ b1 _* [6 l# ]> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% l1 B! s) t$ D/ p1 |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# M: I. d' x) t/ q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 l5 ^/ x4 ^- c8 m- P( [
> > employment experience.
/ E' K: y# T* F% k$ n! z! @5 o0 R) P> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,5 i4 g: Q2 m, X- C0 V% K1 ~
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ h0 r. C9 J3 ?; N  H9 F3 U> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& Z1 r- Y/ }( f( P$ w> > directed elsewhere.