HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ s+ X5 W; y; x7 w2 E& m> >                     Effective January 2007# n) `/ e" U+ D. O$ I+ z7 M% z6 R
> >
, R& E  W! {6 C# L, k> > Dress Code
! u0 p6 {' g! o; j1 T> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
; \1 l; m' `6 T> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' c; U; S5 ~9 Y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ j- k8 T( W0 z* `0 _  A  M> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& c( i& j3 k  c8 o. C9 X  D/ k% A( s> > need a pay raise.$ m% ]2 e5 e! s& n. c1 b- r" E
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
7 O  S, ^& q1 B$ V+ @5 W5 r> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. ?7 i3 Y: f: \$ s' X* t0 r> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 q, c: B$ v8 v: n6 c9 p
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" @) R7 {( X- l2 F- P7 ]> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% L+ X  C+ m3 ]> > raise./ g  I& R9 n% x7 n) k, Z6 U
> >
+ @$ b/ A: y7 I- v> > Sick Days/ k  @, t% Z1 i% Y6 y4 t* h6 g
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ d7 b8 ~% S  R  @, n3 f: M> > proof of sickness.
3 S0 O* h: @' k; q( \4 {> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ ]# O! t/ }% B/ i$ T% A
> > to come to work.
$ U- u- h' @7 A! d: k3 z/ T> >, T' T' j' ?! d1 I$ U
> > Holiday Days
$ T) u! i" f  c5 O( \> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  u  `! H. w$ Z9 @) F
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.5 Z% L7 W" F4 _
> >; C/ [: t$ o' B) ~  f# i2 v
> > Compassionate Leave$ j9 B6 x$ ?5 e3 j+ j: B: _, w
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing6 e3 J2 O2 u: o+ y4 S& z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  K: y) ^; q1 G) ^$ R2 r
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 W  p( p; s2 ~3 k% }> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 V; e& h$ G# D> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 j0 N! C% T; q$ U& P" Z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# \2 J! |% L! e& Z9 X, `$ l/ a> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 d  Q4 i+ ?1 l* v4 X- {# \> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 U2 G+ b, J! ^6 v) X4 f% _> > hour early.7 ^5 l8 m: x1 v1 K/ o
> >
1 p) {$ m1 H0 p+ i> > Toilet Use
" d1 _0 m: v1 s! t& i> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% f0 z& G% F" `" o/ `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* S  \/ q) c: o' G/ N' k9 I> > in the cubicles.
4 @7 ]  r* c# y5 z  j> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' |4 U, W2 W3 R$ r5 ^* _8 T8 p> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 h4 j" U; T2 O( h7 I
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 ^% i* y5 K* S' _> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, l& G- N. C* ?) ]> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 p2 G. ?% J0 r" b# N& W! M+ E& M! ~> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 G( g$ n8 v, g  E" a, ~) {> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, G- ?: s9 i$ J9 X; Z/ h% C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 P( i- p: N) G- d# i
> > policy.0 T" K' N. S+ N% r
> >; e5 v: N6 U# {0 z5 p# U
> > Lunch Break$ a6 G5 `' J8 k/ Y) p! A
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& B. R% ?" X0 E7 Q! ^& r  Q> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
, d  W9 s$ |/ r$ M> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ D- v( r% h& k/ S3 o- @7 p) T/ k6 k> > maintain their average figure.' Q  f* v( C9 ^. R8 o6 e" z* Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* W, m; b! Y7 w2 _
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 V4 W# d6 m! D  {& }
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 R: A; @; g% H- T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 }" O0 y) W1 T, z$ }
> > employment experience.8 U; Z& q* V/ L$ A$ p# P' b4 _  g
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- w# y+ x+ I& X$ r$ ~& m3 P- i& J0 {) B> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  J% P# n6 L( ]' D! v% b. Z% y1 j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* x7 X. F- d7 b/ g, J
> > directed elsewhere.