HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
7 E# w0 l# U! @) d' m4 j: o> >                     Effective January 2007
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1 W* A8 I' u" K7 y4 f> > Dress Code/ H! y" {; G+ n0 y, F2 \, a0 G
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 ~; ]0 f) V; d
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing/ b& @9 L6 p, ?* ]' T& f
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 J& ~# q5 y9 F9 f
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& [9 ^) V# P) k> > need a pay raise.
' Y7 Q; Z& K! @- v: q. R2 C> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  d6 B% s* |& k" x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. X) K  C9 v  c% k) ~+ {) |4 f8 F> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. \! w' s6 U+ Q+ l9 u3 [> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 i9 E  j7 v; H3 W; f& ]8 y, h1 Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 |: M% k- A9 k% ?7 d> > raise.
5 Y/ Q# p! N) I: t> >
, ?; N& e7 ]2 ~2 X% g0 f> > Sick Days
" g# w. D6 e. h; T> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; T/ u/ o, q. e$ G* n
> > proof of sickness.
6 K- w' P. ~4 Q; h$ e* g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
. n( u1 c: L/ E! l! c> > to come to work.
4 H" C7 s8 ?, I0 g: Z/ a> >
8 n6 X" |& \: F; W' ~> > Holiday Days+ g7 B. H  Q5 e% t  G
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 a# N( x3 [8 n> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
( x7 Y( O4 R( u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 z* R7 L+ J& i8 g8 \+ D" T. a! |+ L> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* Z. z+ U1 U# }% J$ O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) @* H* H7 r1 A2 T+ }
> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 B# h* o" c9 i& }% ]: E
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! o5 q% e2 X# B+ v
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the4 Y# R1 `$ T# o, Z  r- j7 f# T
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' Q( r8 e: v. C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one9 j2 P: u& z# ^" I5 W! m
> > hour early.: l% O, Y0 v2 ~6 `: a
> >
* e; R# _5 {9 C$ ^% H& _> > Toilet Use! F, {7 t& L$ X! g
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 W# S7 q; M6 M# J3 P' K3 m1 f. [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
. {+ r+ z7 I  a4 C4 K> > in the cubicles.$ y' A7 C. ~0 a0 h. s
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 W) K5 g" l6 d$ h) v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) |, o1 N4 C& d6 j* a" h) I3 n
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! Q8 Y' s5 |0 `4 N/ C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 X  x% n. J: G$ A  K# _
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ R, @0 u( `) f4 X% e0 Q
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ A4 ?. H8 W1 {* }- I' ]2 }> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
* T% X% C2 |9 i8 l. ^% V' M> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 ^5 Q/ J2 P- L8 Q/ g> > policy.$ f; k' L! `( L
> >
- `- @2 X1 w: L- U- b  t> > Lunch Break; \" `) K* U/ R( R! ^3 H
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, b8 k' s/ D3 y  }: W5 _> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 P4 M1 b& E+ o: R% Q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* v7 D: A) ?( v4 h: c
> > maintain their average figure.
( X6 T% Y& s& L7 b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 v' g0 |; u% D: P! ~> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 z6 I4 y3 J  B+ j. X, o  j
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! N: r; N( X3 P9 D
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, M' N5 V/ C& I5 l! Q3 {> > employment experience.
$ ]7 l3 h2 l( v% K  s> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,7 ^( t; c9 j3 i8 L# N+ x2 O
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," k4 G2 E; r3 d1 i) w
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 G- y3 w9 m% X) D) B
> > directed elsewhere.