HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* O  C3 k$ D1 y- L0 f3 @
> >                     Effective January 2007
) B; ?  _7 o* Q5 Z9 l, [4 F2 A# l> >+ q$ }$ V+ {8 L9 D: E
> > Dress Code
. H& b' s2 }1 `# t% d> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ z+ ^- D) ?* O3 T) U> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. m. k$ k  h6 g! D& q+ i+ z* O> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: E0 ^7 R4 S# C. E! c' x- T* I% W
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 z1 R- w3 m3 D4 O8 O( d  A> > need a pay raise.( _: `* W, d8 [  n7 L6 A! X% ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% ?% F" A0 E2 w6 c/ p. c7 {% p> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ m8 c; }4 }3 e. e5 g' P> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 Z4 @& w, ~* K! `( {$ ]/ R( g8 @) f
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 @9 i' y7 Y4 @9 I* t
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay( T" [3 n/ D5 }4 H9 u* Q& O2 a
> > raise.
, c7 M% }/ \7 e> >/ g; j0 p6 h0 N
> > Sick Days
! J& _* h8 e- p> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) a$ \# {  U5 Y8 i
> > proof of sickness.4 @, l1 t' r+ A% d1 @& E
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 W% y! Z- \. q- B$ L
> > to come to work.
* A- B! @1 D) Q3 B+ z> >
5 f1 w3 }% S7 ~5 w& s> > Holiday Days5 Y, y$ E/ ]: F  {# _, N5 R
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- l8 u: d( r- K' t> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., v2 Q4 P# r" F/ g- E3 _
> >) n5 K' ]) Z, Q2 G1 ^
> > Compassionate Leave
; ~& l7 }$ a" H2 }0 X) j> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ m2 T% O4 h7 S0 ^: Y2 z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 w8 X+ Z" `' P4 \8 V9 K! V( a> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 b( X9 |/ G7 o; U! Z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& f% F) C# n- N( ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. Y0 R: o; @9 I% e7 P* q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 v9 T$ T1 L$ M+ G0 d& S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# R: T- |9 v0 X0 H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, X  `0 t  c7 z1 `7 M+ w
> > hour early.
) |4 Z: g0 w, Q% k9 p> >+ t5 H  b' C# x$ r5 b7 j
> > Toilet Use
2 W  s1 M5 {/ P> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% U( n: [( p/ \. ]1 Q8 H4 h2 Z+ K8 q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* T$ [2 {. u( |' }* d- \8 @1 W> > in the cubicles.9 V. z- v+ |  Q. r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will3 ~* g# X" u0 s- h2 o. f# r+ c8 i% m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' r% c3 V, a/ i# [; U/ ^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.  ]# x: H, q) H
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: a( W- N( ^& J" g$ Q5 U/ z8 C
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 M1 J7 s4 H! D# C9 N: {9 g4 B
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
) p4 J7 Z! m1 s9 N+ N- [3 ~> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. X9 G' C2 ]0 [, G& ?> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 T+ r, d+ S3 m# X6 K5 ]> > policy.# j5 F* s- [2 Q0 Z  |
> >% l3 w) B* y) e- H, S0 ^5 ^
> > Lunch Break" u0 ]3 Q- i+ L- X' _6 I/ _7 Q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( {# e% w7 U; c# g3 z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 Q! U7 t* r- X2 \1 G8 ~; k> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( ?) a" s! S" C$ L' u
> > maintain their average figure./ r- r; k+ v9 j. y, o
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& r! v. z7 v3 p/ p! M* o) b
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.# x( r, D8 h7 F! x
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
) t/ y3 x- Z+ L6 z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) Z$ _" U8 C) k) h
> > employment experience.! X$ d" s- w, ~4 Q+ V5 j& b
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 O4 q5 N( ~. o> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' S! L: l8 I% d> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& U. _9 B' K5 P9 _" w4 P3 _> > directed elsewhere.