HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 T3 b; l" a- ]" h) N> >                     Effective January 2007) r& j7 I+ w, A6 i& l+ _
> >
' R+ t* W8 w8 k6 q> > Dress Code
) j; `. Y, M+ l! U9 {> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ p! L$ I9 r8 a2 b: x: J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 {/ x; B6 k. m" j3 L
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 C- r" U8 L; `4 d# m% E
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, p  `+ S8 j0 y, g$ {2 v5 o( W! _> > need a pay raise.1 d# ?. h( o% }1 G9 P% `
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& T9 I! L/ T* z8 a3 ?: m8 D> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
# M+ g4 d! o. S1 [> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 T# v, l, M7 k7 I) W: B) G> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 g4 Z9 N5 \) i> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 D0 s" G& I+ m8 c0 I
> > raise.
  D2 U5 f2 ?3 G; t# i> >
: E2 D3 M' r4 I. y- [> > Sick Days
% z& Q  A8 i8 ]$ Q3 O( V) L> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 ]) ~4 B& R1 v& X8 b, I
> > proof of sickness.7 t* {/ I- R6 g( {
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, w, Y8 Z7 ~* ~
> > to come to work.
6 T- T, x  N3 _9 G7 l! W9 ^> >
3 t* A" d3 r. u) U" m( N> > Holiday Days
9 ?3 i/ v( E/ _# [7 n1 j$ c' ^> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* r9 g6 a( Q: @& f2 p! H0 y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& {+ N# b+ o+ w> >" F/ w9 j" z- y' r) I  a8 h
> > Compassionate Leave2 P  p6 x/ K1 {; D( I
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 n6 f" H) M4 [- p( ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-9 F, G' C4 ~  T1 ^# R
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: T& j4 c: `3 ?' @  s> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' y/ t+ \# q6 _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* B5 m& t2 \2 L1 `7 C" H. L% U
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' t. m+ [2 `/ S> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: w7 ?2 n$ b1 U1 [# b( l( {
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one8 S0 {8 Z/ ~$ k$ h; x
> > hour early.- t- x% ^! T6 I
> >
) |8 P- f4 J' v' ^5 X# [% z) H> > Toilet Use
! ?( q& I% L% B- s" X" ]6 d/ Z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 y" S* a  X' t; o( ]/ c; U
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* O. X+ U4 t2 F9 N0 Q/ k> > in the cubicles.
" `' T0 I" c, }! n2 v$ c> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; C& c" Z% M3 v+ b8 l. `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- c; [. o' l( g9 X/ \
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: D9 b& d. }9 }  z- t% [7 S
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 G6 v4 d! e# _: L> > posted on the company notice board under the
  l" ^4 Y. Z" Z' h% T, ^7 d$ b> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- n7 Q9 l' h$ \) L# M0 n' I
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% r3 B9 N- A% N: y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 i& Y1 D. |, V) O
> > policy.! G# `# c! u! |* L$ P
> >
, L& Y; N& e0 A! X( ?/ H  f0 d> > Lunch Break
* |' ^! C/ S9 X" f# q9 S> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- S5 {8 [4 Z. d. s> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
/ F. R. w; a) h1 g> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  a5 d3 `( m2 ~  A& e7 P
> > maintain their average figure., f8 `. x9 E1 a8 C( _- q, H8 ]
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 t) d/ ~" [( H
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ H$ R4 }: n% u8 t1 N" l> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 @; V/ L- [6 N+ z  V$ `  H; Y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 e( c' W. A/ e9 x7 L0 a* g> > employment experience.
# k" Y% d; ^3 F% Z  P6 Z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ g  F! N. G7 ]: o' ^# h
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( o" O$ v8 R: Z7 v) H> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 d# }/ b! q4 y5 P. l> > directed elsewhere.