HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 \( C! I7 ]8 f> >                     Effective January 2007& t2 }5 E$ L% `7 q. g! [& o5 b$ N2 T
> >
% ]! }5 Q, q' r$ F( u> > Dress Code1 M5 B; A  g$ D
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- d/ x. ^( R2 r& ^4 t9 b: |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( q1 E& b; x1 D) Q7 R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 g3 v& m" ~: B. R> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
5 F1 A+ p. I8 |/ F' b# q7 U> > need a pay raise.
- D  X; F& y* W6 z> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, I+ _5 m1 V# D: k( C6 Z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ Q% q6 f+ L4 C& g! Z/ `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
; e$ R! P# N6 \7 o) V) _> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; |/ N4 b9 g( `> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
+ u" @* }( P6 u' H> > raise.+ \4 A% J: o- z- R% F
> >
( X. v: T5 [2 \: K% H> > Sick Days
$ R8 P4 x/ F8 V# L$ |% e> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 i- A- \, M. B) F/ |/ G> > proof of sickness.
: Q- Z2 n0 u  `- p. Z$ ?: r> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 U& S5 T1 x9 o1 ^, q) \> > to come to work.
- T5 q' B5 p  v/ P> >
5 V, u+ ~. q0 M' Z' s* w1 m1 ~> > Holiday Days
) i7 B( G6 u* x, c' P5 s& x> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 ]" ~' v$ `/ {# W, q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& T$ u* {! k/ x9 {* Q" B
> >
3 Q! f6 F; S6 j& s> > Compassionate Leave* }, n& H2 k6 Q4 N& [3 O$ B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 X9 S" D* U9 u" P8 X
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 U, Z, [* `& E" C
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 |5 h9 L* V- O" V& y# q! h  ^> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, C; q: [. x1 f> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 e% f/ P% t8 e; \' i5 N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 s0 \9 L" x8 b- G1 y; N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 v1 H) s# u7 l7 |9 }, w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, o& u+ a1 K1 g+ A
> > hour early.
+ q* ]1 v& {* \% {3 {7 P# q> >2 t# K: [+ Q( {: f
> > Toilet Use" {7 r0 {! y6 w/ ~, j) ~$ r
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 k  m, l- l% M# {1 C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
5 U9 f1 B" q5 i( e  G- Q> > in the cubicles.+ p' O4 Q8 |2 u! z4 k0 _
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% @& ~/ g+ u+ q4 g" d
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 \( [9 w8 m5 X8 F  G* f$ b) u> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 L1 Z7 M  ^2 `$ B9 f
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
/ `. I: D0 b7 i- d5 _) ^> > posted on the company notice board under the$ \9 u, H  J# {1 R2 T
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 o/ Y9 y% M9 Y3 w
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. E) l; K2 G  B3 Y2 z) n
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ _7 v- X( m/ E5 r> > policy.8 j5 O( I# P9 x0 t" I/ M
> >
0 h) l% V1 F( n0 ^; S* I+ X> > Lunch Break1 i5 \/ R: W" v
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
/ Q! l: d6 W% c  ^8 e& L6 d" o. j. k> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. [' n+ U" {4 k- d0 j' ^/ O" q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: v4 B* R6 c  Y- k/ M- Y: o* ?/ }> > maintain their average figure.
# O3 Z% {6 S9 F, R8 G9 z7 J9 q7 S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 u  v, @( x4 x5 v6 g2 l, ]% _) ?" D
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: Z7 g1 w, X# t6 J# ^; \
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ q2 H" ]0 O0 _  V- H% w6 G3 u- m6 V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 ~2 ]+ k( U' J" x+ c: ~> > employment experience.1 V8 Y4 b7 x) w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! a' W3 N4 a5 q/ j. q- z" \2 D9 |& C> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; w% ^. d- O( B1 r+ ~( o# x+ y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 b4 G7 L" Q7 p  ~# V> > directed elsewhere.