HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) [  H; w, W6 t% R4 v> >                     Effective January 2007  L  `$ Y+ ?/ K$ U
> ># ]9 |6 @/ J3 [# S9 L
> > Dress Code
' G7 E6 D% z( v* V> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed  A* w8 R* b" Y2 f# x$ u7 N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' I; Z0 b1 {3 F  E1 i* Q; j
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% G: K+ E! L# |. ~" P5 o+ Y7 d7 D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& O! w$ v$ b- @9 |* k+ w, }3 K
> > need a pay raise.: A# n4 N0 H( O# V  j4 b1 b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. b" B' \% M# j2 c4 ]2 a
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( u/ Y, ]  R2 A" P, W- S
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) v  M7 A$ q9 Z4 W' p: O3 Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! ]9 l% f0 W* H4 O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay, Q3 [- v+ J; S6 J
> > raise.! y% B  u/ t# x3 P6 o1 Y  B- \
> >" W! Q) h% g9 e7 y
> > Sick Days5 c8 K2 _2 `9 i  ]1 e
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 u  W2 M/ k9 J% A  [! F2 b* i; }> > proof of sickness.
# ~/ w2 K: M# L2 ?$ J$ q0 H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 a, m8 {2 T7 f% q> > to come to work.4 A6 \# }9 x- Q- y) @! E8 d! [( |
> >
% F" N* I6 A( D: S5 v) j; A4 f7 G> > Holiday Days7 O+ Y' ^' ]; ]# W/ r9 i
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- ]8 x! v8 h8 R0 }- y* ~
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
6 |1 g. D$ A% z2 C0 d. h> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  p6 W) u$ b% {0 B4 ^: E% E> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& }8 J" E, t" R" s* l> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 q8 ^9 h6 q7 ~4 @> > employees attend to the arrangements./ Z& \  M' `) ^3 l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 d9 k6 R* I; B
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
5 k: e. o$ t2 m7 a8 G* U" |: |> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! r! B0 n: q! b' Z: Q1 @> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# d9 g2 G. ~: C' }> > hour early.! z+ F; G: O2 z4 ]/ q
> >0 K' r) r$ O1 V! A" i6 T4 |
> > Toilet Use
6 g; q$ H4 U) M+ @  B> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  Q: ~' ~6 H5 T4 |2 i> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 s5 o7 P/ X  A/ Z6 S; ~5 b
> > in the cubicles.
& X2 g# S! p; `1 K) M, P> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, V4 l, L# X2 J
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: r/ ]  E9 c- p) l0 |1 x7 h> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 _: ~- [- ~7 C- g5 s1 {7 t
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! c5 H6 `$ i: H  G9 {
> > posted on the company notice board under the
; n2 R  K- o$ I  l( L) [/ [> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 I+ w4 M  ^/ p- u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 d" F6 `( S/ S
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& G1 i3 _2 h' N> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
6 Z  V5 x1 a+ q1 d* i) l" W: D; d> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 ~/ [+ {; G$ u4 ~+ Q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* h3 E, W3 p- c  N/ m> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 I. _  Z: ~0 k# b8 Z0 v> > maintain their average figure.
% V/ \0 o8 e$ b# r9 X% |* l> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 O: b: |8 j" }
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 v5 U; ^: w3 V2 e- Z! E9 V3 d> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. F8 D- H$ f% u' u+ l$ T; w
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# d1 V1 {( Y" |$ H# k% @* a( i> > employment experience.
- @7 ^, O- K& t% B: ~* ^: m> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 u2 t( J1 W+ @3 D# o7 S
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! z$ J; h" U& N# F$ l8 @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 u2 {; b* u* [9 Q> > directed elsewhere.