HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ z0 T1 Z) o- ?' R0 i6 t+ K
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code) E: k5 ]8 o( m$ I; N) U
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 f2 m* ?4 H3 x" ~
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 O* J7 j4 j0 }! ~6 o! L> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. R6 P) f% l- o+ E> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: d6 w% ]6 S( U8 U: h% Z> > need a pay raise.
; c, b/ O7 H1 S) {9 f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: x7 s/ R5 T: a3 o7 Z, i8 x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ p  X+ \8 z5 r, w
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 O2 ~- T8 _1 C5 i. _7 X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ {3 U/ \5 c3 c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; T6 @  s2 c' A: P6 ]: H* _3 x> > raise.+ e8 A1 ^: @* J: `) |8 k) P5 i9 r
> >
$ l- j3 j: K5 `2 L> > Sick Days
0 i; j5 ?" v0 @/ I* z/ @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 T4 `$ @% L4 m- m! B6 x5 w, f> > proof of sickness.9 ?4 |, ]8 k2 B3 H$ Z0 H
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" `& X6 j5 J& ?, t) u' z4 ~) Y
> > to come to work.
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6 n" o! y6 x7 j( X' d3 [> > Holiday Days8 n: R, m9 M2 J2 {, }3 Q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" o" |. L% c5 d& M0 ^. Y) V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# H* n: c& x/ I; }( {  W
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> > Compassionate Leave7 _) ~3 Z8 J# J& N2 z3 R1 d( G) }
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& m% |: @, a9 m# ?* C8 k( O  H0 A
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( s7 [& @! C. ^8 A; U, }% `) B( l0 L7 Q9 g
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-4 c7 }' F: g& ]2 O' L7 T
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 i4 o5 U; b3 W> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. r6 X! S' u! M$ N4 x' r8 X8 n7 Q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" P% b& b5 n5 t; l4 Z' Q2 [
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 b' _" ?: L* S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! @2 w/ L* j% R' L! z
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use0 |8 t/ Z, s: ?5 B+ y; t
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; o9 F% I2 }% ]4 p2 K' W
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! e0 U5 t5 Y, _5 ]  `> > in the cubicles.
1 ^( V4 s6 K4 @( Y+ m. u> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 i9 @9 B9 G! z( p7 B> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
0 C) a; R; O. n+ j" ?+ U2 z# |& [> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! K6 V2 x& ], l) ?! y" V. X
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* R, E1 ^9 Y: L4 t2 |/ r6 h> > posted on the company notice board under the: U/ w8 r' Q& N' D1 O# a/ L5 C4 r2 i
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" `  Z/ R6 d2 Q% B/ ]> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* c3 P. c9 T- E+ E
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
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> > Lunch Break
/ n2 d$ C; O9 H> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 e# Z) W( \. D2 t2 v
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., r7 O, A% ]" ^, |1 Y1 J* Z, Z
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& \; h1 A3 I8 y* A
> > maintain their average figure./ j5 {, f! C4 g) [3 A! V+ f
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( g/ ]1 Q; O) I2 A4 x- d$ i6 `
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! W  W6 G. i8 e: B: j! {0 j+ Z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are  q# \7 y4 I$ A" V; v
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) t& o5 i- A1 j& g, P% Z> > employment experience.* c: u3 B1 F: B' r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ |6 |( H) D( ~& |* X2 R- Q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 c3 s- J& ^% B! |" W0 B
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) Y! g* Q) X8 q) H6 H
> > directed elsewhere.