HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:' H: g& ~0 U5 ^7 I; g8 E! w' E! L
> >                     Effective January 20078 E: |, J; c8 n
> >
' B+ @3 G4 |: @( t( m$ V> > Dress Code1 q2 F( ~* h, \# a! D: U
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
; i- j2 ?% H1 A0 w. m1 Y$ `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& w5 q4 [$ x" M( O7 ?9 I- C
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
/ J, u4 G* }) Z9 J3 F> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& I# E2 {0 I# \$ {! _
> > need a pay raise.
- P. L# g$ |* N8 G) ~7 k" E> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# {2 n2 I" H, ]> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
; J. r7 }( ~. U) q  U& ~2 |* ?> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* \6 c6 Q" h0 K/ g5 a4 Z# @2 ?9 A> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, c* E/ m/ n! Z) d/ m+ O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 w! C4 M/ i" b" i" P0 k( E
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days' Z* T' q! l9 O# E
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 [& u) M- R: u6 W
> > proof of sickness.
+ u3 ?. [4 o5 s. b5 M# I> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 _6 {2 \6 o# M8 \& |> > to come to work.: t+ C" `& d' \$ B
> >: h8 o: r+ m( R, {9 q" ?5 }0 y
> > Holiday Days$ K/ t) O" t- r+ t8 P
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 v* \. a0 ^1 Q  Y& l+ U$ q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* @7 f; [/ E7 \. R7 Q: D/ z& M
> >
5 w! W! j7 t, |; `2 B> > Compassionate Leave
3 L7 @6 K1 @; N& {> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
2 a! q7 ^& Q/ b2 u3 X> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-6 v9 D' W: K) T1 w* g% A
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 B4 S/ q/ r7 G, q; u4 \
> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 u" w" w, I1 p) z( b  U
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 a! q3 b. f- \; U" D* F6 d* u( ?> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
8 T$ K( x+ l7 n+ N# R( J6 g8 y- W> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ x- U& o1 J! K0 w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: Y+ S5 E  t  J/ ~& f, w$ N> > hour early.0 ~2 C; X4 P# U7 C  ^
> >
: z5 J5 [. U8 n1 O5 ]> > Toilet Use& e: z! ^: D5 t7 v6 K& X" X
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( r( p" _8 O- w6 H
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 A$ n! f0 F& s" l- \& {
> > in the cubicles.
# q! f' H9 O8 e! X> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, d* i5 f8 {. K$ s+ |> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle  E3 P! ~6 g% |3 B
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. P2 [' q; k8 F& _> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; ?5 h. f1 K" r1 W> > posted on the company notice board under the
; t8 d) t+ Q  Y: M1 a> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 a& t% f. N2 Y8 Z1 P> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) b" ?7 s; Y/ Q( [* r0 ]$ d9 ]! p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ Q) l2 u* ^7 P) C# z' Q1 A% a# E$ R7 Y
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
! S  R; c7 R: w/ J/ N# I# n> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 C" @" I$ H& l9 U4 F+ T( C* c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ m5 S; `: K$ S# `: ]6 _2 G7 `
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* N& ?7 r2 g6 P( T
> > maintain their average figure.
  h% u' H& e5 c7 K# `  `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time  ^; O& j. H- s
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.# c6 C- ~  j5 Y" A' Z1 H
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are$ ]( S# l7 I( q3 }! w; K# |$ q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: \5 i; t- g' L> > employment experience.+ E: u5 d3 V8 ^0 h7 K, x# _
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" n! V" P; y- B> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# i# G8 |5 D0 f. M+ L
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 i3 [2 X, `) R; a6 Y/ @+ h
> > directed elsewhere.