HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:/ D) c! ]- b0 H& [9 k7 P8 \
> >                     Effective January 2007, Y! d6 k5 k  a" s: y+ ~* R
> >
, F6 a, g* n; }' m+ V6 f* f) u> > Dress Code
5 I( Y& o% F5 w3 I0 q- M> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& G; o! J" J' F2 F0 |' |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. E/ Q- g* H5 V% V. U
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' ]4 V, G3 h2 a. |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 |" K7 l( t$ O
> > need a pay raise.
) G1 ~( O% r) t' H* n5 y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 c8 l, a* ^8 i# ]# M+ }/ b
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 B4 _! o7 K5 _$ D2 C> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* w8 d2 a" p" s6 L+ ~> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 k9 S' j3 H. P4 [0 o8 n; `
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& q5 p: S* f: q  b+ r! C- d( f5 w
> > raise.# i# q6 c3 [0 C( S% O7 F1 w9 p
> >
; H' a4 R( z6 r5 t+ r+ d> > Sick Days$ A  m/ I% @) F
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! C) j: F8 B6 u6 R
> > proof of sickness.- J: q4 @7 A6 C, f( B. \( r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* ^' k' t2 @7 R/ d7 F# _; |! c. G. n
> > to come to work.+ I' X/ B0 ]4 K: {* T% F; }
> >
2 Q0 ]" {+ j7 n$ E$ n8 Z) a> > Holiday Days
" H5 w+ z: l0 n> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 b2 ~4 |# d3 I2 h7 G% m! `; D6 b> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& O& Y$ j! o, e4 S( Y> >
& P. p% }/ u' A3 j- R> > Compassionate Leave) i* g0 l; l$ Q+ V: m2 f1 M- N
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& f0 K1 c3 `8 x+ Z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 S% D( Z  Y* O6 x
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. ?, \$ G5 P& p
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. O/ q6 c9 J0 \+ Y' D> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 f' Y  s7 d6 s& e  C0 E( ^
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; o) P0 o1 j- _! A$ W> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 Z9 ~1 k# X; L3 ~4 B4 J* a
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
" r: ~/ j' r& p* ^! H# B! N' z> > hour early.4 V0 W8 y% h0 \( W( P' H& ^: }# h
> >) Q' j6 t5 G" V* a. L- H6 q) L
> > Toilet Use
- m. P; X+ Y# J/ B* H. _* Q$ F5 J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 G' ~" W5 p' s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 d0 Z& U( Y; O/ V
> > in the cubicles.
3 h* [: F6 g3 }$ V- M" n: [0 Y! C> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& P) a7 H2 ^3 r5 i! q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
0 i" q8 I7 w8 Y' c> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
* _# U+ O: h3 G& {) I! P> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) q6 ^, C0 y/ _+ F/ |> > posted on the company notice board under the
% @( {1 j' ]1 z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. m* G" `* z3 K7 Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; r4 @4 d8 R5 J6 l# \$ J" _( x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ y* G' Y# Y+ @: K- `> > policy.6 X' g2 }* b: [  d. j0 g* B
> >
" H4 K, H9 Z- U9 x. v+ J# w( q> > Lunch Break
6 T1 u4 V- O+ ~2 X> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 v; w) w  m- c5 B$ @" A* b> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
, W5 o: T# x1 G* R> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
1 P1 ?5 u. G6 F* r; e& i( [& h> > maintain their average figure.# q/ v2 O1 \3 I0 I/ f" p$ Y5 J
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time/ ^8 U* \7 R) z1 M& [) y7 V
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 f+ Y/ o) g0 @3 I3 X1 ?# J
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are  S# U6 j: n" L% T: m5 }- d
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- _1 F4 {, X( ]! Z: t0 T; |
> > employment experience.- O4 \. x- }8 g" Y* X) e
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ a  L( X1 |; X* L
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 Z! B4 K) i, _  Y3 x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 s* p! `; y1 h
> > directed elsewhere.