HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:/ b1 k- x$ V! k& e
> >                     Effective January 2007( T4 c* X. m  E8 r% }& h$ G7 A
> >
3 d( a* i5 F! o/ M+ m' n4 ]. o2 D> > Dress Code
+ x' G# @' I, r: `> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& f- E% I3 e5 a8 O! s0 q9 [> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 e+ n# X! w3 p
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 X; T, e9 K& v" s7 i$ h1 x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
$ K) q" h8 @* Q> > need a pay raise.
5 W9 U- m7 J; Z8 t2 o$ ?% }: w, }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 u+ ^% C8 o) h3 t' l6 T/ F' g% H> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 e/ d$ A1 N2 ?$ _/ W> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, ]3 x  I1 k+ b" \> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: v$ g4 q+ h- p& D5 K7 u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- {/ x6 P% L) w
> > raise.
! l) g0 A2 R8 ]- R2 M> >. B2 ]3 W0 m' C# n: z* A
> > Sick Days, i& B, z) O( ?" v; J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: |+ S7 _" B" ]* _1 ~- d' l> > proof of sickness.: y9 D/ {5 Z+ A# Q9 |0 p9 {  }8 O5 g/ v* A
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ }6 u5 E" p9 _3 f' }$ p1 ^) i! V> > to come to work.6 p4 s/ @3 L8 g( w
> >7 l, P) l5 e. m- o
> > Holiday Days
" V8 S$ ~! i8 J, z: @> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
1 S# q* Q4 [( B4 D1 e9 t> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave; a( Z2 @6 j" H! S5 m
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. [. r( s; H. I. _8 F  u
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  h0 d8 i- X; V5 v4 I6 k
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 g9 j! x( |6 j  A( x% c! Z" v> > employees attend to the arrangements.
4 l( A5 P0 h3 ~( n" ?7 f8 G> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. Y+ ~' K: r8 v7 b' }> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; m9 w3 e1 H8 w3 h& E8 ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 a! V- r  V+ I" w( W
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! I  D5 U/ ^; T> > hour early.* h% e& f: m2 K. |4 {
> >
8 `0 u/ Q$ r$ C: O" v( Y> > Toilet Use
) J- w. W; `. e% b> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) y4 z7 p2 f1 N9 h5 y6 @
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: A9 E* R; U' S! Y> > in the cubicles.4 s4 V2 F6 h5 X# H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% V8 m" u. G; t. N, @> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, c0 }2 @& p" B5 A+ z& y, \! ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 J8 j$ s( o, {- \0 i6 H7 M
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ N. @& s& L8 M+ w* P> > posted on the company notice board under the* f( `( w: R$ M5 S1 X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. s  `4 e, i* o7 e> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# A# R1 k& e; T+ d* Z4 z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 D* w; G( Z! `> > policy.
5 h+ l8 M$ [0 U$ L> >
% F# Q. Q; l" c! v> > Lunch Break1 [" x& Z2 t7 ~1 S0 A
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they. \* B* \5 B* k2 e8 j! A
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( J0 s, u0 @* E) `5 \7 m
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, z: ]9 l: y) }3 K
> > maintain their average figure.* r+ C' F% j# t% O* }
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time. y2 }  |' u+ o4 r9 x
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  f  e& i) `( [. C0 Z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ d7 b2 T0 M/ {: A& o5 w0 {( F% \
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 w% r% z! C3 U3 m) O7 Z+ C, i
> > employment experience.
7 m) ?$ w- [, A* ~. d> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
3 X/ y- X  ?/ U- z% F> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# \" Q- I- i# f  b> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- C8 F4 o4 G5 v( S! P: X. U1 \& L
> > directed elsewhere.