HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:, h* J% l. x7 m, V3 h8 x2 i
> >                     Effective January 2007* V9 S+ U& k$ t" J
> >
1 M+ A  E6 ~7 \1 s> > Dress Code9 g( A0 v  x: P* c0 x
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 G% j5 X: p7 e' e- [" b$ i
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 ~( ?" {/ ~' ~3 E& K) g7 m. F! o* o
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
; J& b3 A' G6 g( F4 k0 K# L> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ T4 B" a  ^  i2 f' u
> > need a pay raise.( A; N0 U2 L3 L3 J& R3 o
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( D7 q  e" Z* S0 Z1 e) r! A2 G/ e1 ^> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 }- I8 ?$ K* M' c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 E9 G3 c6 x/ c; I> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( J& D. a3 h0 N; @9 M' Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) W3 O2 R  u* H) B# R
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
1 H/ _! e2 v+ ^9 l> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 V# l+ U% K3 D9 c, ?> > proof of sickness.. l3 [/ |5 c; G$ j/ q
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# W: n3 N! g! v
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days, r. V# f; Y, V$ Y! x* H4 Z
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 @8 d5 R2 R* ]. Y. T# A5 U5 o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave! f* g& ?5 B3 W
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. m5 V9 `" S2 V8 Z  E/ L; K> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% j1 F6 _$ t. k> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-* b( A& N/ r) g- E1 E/ J' |
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; j& n' N7 z. f! I- b  q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, U( i( w; t! F  ^$ y# R& n> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
2 i2 B: C' @  R. M4 |6 ?% r> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 h0 }' N2 a' o1 n0 ]6 p; r0 t
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( ^+ u1 g# Y. h' b; O# d7 u) S1 u, ^
> > hour early.3 Q% s* Y2 U5 v, v
> ># G: L; _: A8 S: Y! s5 \* k6 q& F7 _
> > Toilet Use
7 Y; |( T8 `7 N> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the% ^4 ~# n2 u5 w3 D& @3 |
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
4 J* O; W" L8 h" C> > in the cubicles.
# z8 `: i, T) N! b; G$ X> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 j  @- S* ~' \# e7 b> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' R' \% O3 u  E. v5 Y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 g: g  A$ [9 \; v7 z( \! N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! m; A& m1 N0 C1 {$ ?/ b/ r
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ s, a6 g( V; ]5 C1 }: J
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 p  @2 t9 R1 m1 u1 I0 V( K# e> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! D( S4 H0 e; n) p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 l7 ]& l" X. a% J7 g/ |> > policy.7 L) _6 L& g' c8 A# ?0 u/ ?3 Q
> >
3 G9 H3 [* U0 q$ w3 \> > Lunch Break/ |& M* n, C* D4 S; j1 T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 i# V* H& Y( J( S  j& u) h
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
' T, H, H+ F/ c9 T" p; @> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 s% i8 a5 t& w' I8 {
> > maintain their average figure.
) c& m) @  z0 U, r( S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: s0 t8 p5 W3 I9 A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ _/ A0 w- h% H( e4 p# ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; |, D2 P% S& q5 l" J
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* ~6 n3 @+ B- U& l( D; c. Q> > employment experience.
% y" y4 l/ y: k& \5 `/ S; h> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' B+ G9 ^  D# y" x> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 P: I' D# }$ L2 O7 J- e> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
3 l# l) v; s- Z* p2 h> > directed elsewhere.