HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
7 E) Y2 O& `4 p5 G> >                     Effective January 2007
$ N$ |/ h3 u) i8 M) f8 \. T$ W7 x> >
" O  B. j8 M1 K, f! f> > Dress Code+ \" H6 _% c+ p) H8 A5 u( k& W
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 {; w3 ^! G' ]1 V) J
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' L) t3 V0 S3 V' ], k> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 }! G; B! R- G: X> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 b  I  u) o0 H5 G> > need a pay raise.4 t/ F( n" `; h" m# N* ~
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  m, u) M- U$ }7 T8 `& N! Z# I  e> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! z: B# k6 ?8 r6 [0 d; S2 I> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 p( w4 C9 d5 f  T# a+ {> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
6 q  W; Z8 D% `> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 r* o# g# ~1 D7 e* l; v0 W> > raise.
+ F5 e, |9 @4 a! y> >
7 }7 B8 L$ H$ g* o% R> > Sick Days6 X; m8 g, f" W) z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; ~& E5 A. ~6 a7 W+ U3 e
> > proof of sickness.
; `) @) k# h, |' t- E* H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: a* s6 C4 Z; Q; v' I
> > to come to work.$ C2 V' T7 d" L% M4 V! u
> >" z$ F3 z  \+ ?; Y
> > Holiday Days
( `8 k, I3 W' u( }> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. e/ i! `7 t2 F+ v$ j1 J> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. j1 W0 m- ^7 p5 b) p
> >
  P; \* A( r% J1 I, T/ T8 N; L> > Compassionate Leave
$ O4 Z$ i# n) A4 z! I> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- u  W, E) S7 o2 d
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 T- i9 O9 o; {6 K0 E
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 c/ Q+ L% V8 b- J* @* U7 H6 H4 S- ?6 z3 J> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ ~0 ]% b3 ?: s7 V% \( D. c) f> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% r. ]; }! J2 @* n> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. K9 Q9 X7 G* I# |- Z" U" h* c9 C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
: N6 k! o/ A7 Z: H5 I7 H8 |> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one" g( y9 A$ ~6 H6 P0 i+ N
> > hour early.
& m! Z2 F5 ^5 Y& A1 C- p' j5 |* D1 ?" n4 D> >- q9 m5 x* o* v) \. T: ?
> > Toilet Use: |  J: ]: {8 p: A# W/ t9 c3 I
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 h4 m& X  m( Y. m
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: R9 C9 b4 J" t8 m9 U: Q
> > in the cubicles.( r" r1 y, }2 `& _, O" X
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: G  B! X) E5 d+ \  m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. r+ D* z* R" A: n$ Q( B6 L
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.1 Q0 v- O! c5 u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 {7 t% E6 @$ a1 _# [9 J; }> > posted on the company notice board under the5 ~1 |. x4 l# i7 L
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- e( [  C" m  C' `* P0 [! A> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ E3 v' s5 Q2 X# L
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" r: @; L9 i- B+ C> > policy./ n- C% P  x/ d* e# |
> >- q4 G9 h8 e: M, Q" W
> > Lunch Break
& ]* T& f9 W% l, E6 D% R! y! g$ \> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ Y* c" Z2 _- X' X1 s, f, H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
3 v) O5 F5 ?' _- {' Y- `. n+ i7 b7 B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 R2 Y6 d9 O+ a) `3 ~* Q0 T
> > maintain their average figure.
( E3 x1 g; B7 d3 `% e. d> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time' H- X: \/ ?* F' V+ {
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 r. \9 S+ Q/ p: q9 O) ^> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" F9 p2 w5 y0 @% {' {8 P> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, t7 X/ O! }/ `6 G: s$ o
> > employment experience.* i, ]  y2 ?4 ?* [5 }, l3 ?
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 a2 W% Z3 q  C+ j% [> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ ?; K9 L* P% ~. ]- R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be. `8 c, t/ B* q6 h5 M$ \
> > directed elsewhere.