HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) W* y/ c6 ?  K$ p2 }' v, X* `
> >                     Effective January 2007
: l7 G3 F0 K) Y$ d+ B: y9 ]* P> >6 j% R2 I9 D5 }  v4 x: _/ G
> > Dress Code( b8 D7 R3 W0 I" m- t& H* g, b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 F( ]( z' J: X! P! ~) h* p- q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( |( \4 M$ r  \. ~/ T/ z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. x, t1 W& m& Z9 }& x. a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& s9 @- {3 ^- w+ }( p. V> > need a pay raise.
' W" h. ^6 W9 S: H, p5 H> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ m& t6 B/ V$ h4 T' w* J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& G) S( ]- D3 t
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ V- D- n2 Z+ f1 |" B* ]/ c0 y9 Q8 `! u/ k
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* m: h* h# ^3 W2 g" O; I0 a/ ], N> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
1 B3 E9 |' d% P, i8 y. u> > raise.; L/ U( X# X' R+ p8 J9 k3 O( r
> ># \! Q5 u- M  G* D4 I0 |0 Q
> > Sick Days: n7 ?! B0 Q' @4 J6 ^# S
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
3 a+ o6 S  R' R> > proof of sickness.
' U+ l5 l6 i" Z: I" g- p, L1 X> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 w6 Z7 k0 d) A' }) D> > to come to work.
  J. B3 c( y: O2 w5 m" L> >
* h3 Y+ g. ?5 [$ [9 `8 U8 O$ \$ I% c5 s> > Holiday Days4 Y. A- A( x4 s  _4 _
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 @; I' h& f. ~' }> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
6 h: b! S9 j" `/ O# c$ P) D$ h> >
/ j' z' Z8 L8 D/ a1 T' g: E3 f> > Compassionate Leave
( C; Y. b5 D. ?( X. g* e- Y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ A/ L. x; y5 ]4 F: l7 c, l; Y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: F% V" b& P$ y
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' L" \, u7 q1 z8 Z* K> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 B7 S) z; h  a# {4 d
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ X+ d2 e4 N5 k& Q. y
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 o( K% r+ t; S5 h# {
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. _) ?# M+ l" c( e3 F& l& l6 I> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 S) L& a7 |* M7 C* s! n2 T; _4 h> > hour early.
% T8 r- C$ H8 R- E; n> >& ], R0 A0 F4 o/ ]* O4 B
> > Toilet Use' B1 V# Y6 I+ s1 U" `
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' V; c: N- K) P! s# E! @> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; X( p$ O( @$ n3 i$ p5 D4 G% v; k
> > in the cubicles.
1 {# L) t. Y: l' w! g6 k* \> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. `/ R4 V3 e5 K1 q: T/ K5 L! w
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ e4 `  D7 Z( c6 K
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 i" N6 X: {1 v
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 u2 l5 {" Q5 E! I; W2 h. n9 n
> > posted on the company notice board under the2 Q) C! e3 f+ D! J. g' e0 _7 K( ~
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* M. h7 m3 R- X. k: g& p) w, z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% s& v& {5 i9 K  ^, A
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 V( B! \" a- H3 N4 @( l5 }2 ?
> > policy.3 i, Q8 _/ g4 b* U6 l! L
> >3 s! c, ~$ N+ N( D" _$ u
> > Lunch Break8 n5 i! y+ a9 x: d
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 ~8 x. F$ V9 h; {: H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' |( g8 L, Q6 e- G2 o( C' L3 u5 V
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, h" K: c& G7 M- _) e! o> > maintain their average figure./ ~( Q. ], n  @3 g0 e
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" _& a# b) l( c
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& S& R1 [0 N3 o: @> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 S# R4 t# `+ {# `$ J! Z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* E6 J/ d' k" Q8 d8 x2 y/ ~3 h
> > employment experience.
# h3 E& s$ s5 E$ L> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- ?. h* ]  ]2 e: u7 b8 {+ S5 z# B
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# v& f; ~5 O% t/ y2 d3 n; \
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( r1 j% i) Q: e% H3 f! N% N- ^
> > directed elsewhere.