HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:& W, g* \# _0 \$ }3 Y& h
> >                     Effective January 2007
$ N3 \" U+ p9 d0 u> >, u" J( r/ }. F* d9 k
> > Dress Code9 m! n8 o7 p7 w) w0 y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed6 Z2 T, B0 s* k; ^  y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 @7 V; I( q% @+ H: Q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. i3 Y( K$ ]# Q1 F' |" f
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 @2 a& ~* Y$ H! ]" O
> > need a pay raise.& c- F. M1 F0 j
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
/ V# `% m. `2 {$ c% y: M6 g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& {/ d5 k: [: A
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ c2 Q- u; T4 d& p+ k$ l) @4 P; V
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# l  q# Q# R3 J- t' a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay( w- r. Z) D1 d: [
> > raise.4 d8 ~2 W8 a9 N
> >
0 \, T6 ^! \# v; [" T( D! G> > Sick Days7 D# H2 {# j& V/ j) g, o
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 u5 I  y: \; b( }: ?! n> > proof of sickness.
& x, ^& J5 d. O: k> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 ]3 S$ L6 {& [/ m> > to come to work.8 W5 R+ V) X. j0 O) f2 |1 \
> >
- W' ?! t0 n( Y$ T  k+ _> > Holiday Days
/ n+ s5 o) b+ M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 v1 \0 r8 X, j* z4 q* [7 \
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ c& B1 a& ~3 ~: x. ]$ p$ a( L9 k
> >* B- l8 w, Z6 V' A0 p% w
> > Compassionate Leave5 D+ m+ {: ]$ k
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 `2 a5 p6 |/ v4 m
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: O/ }6 ~/ _/ o3 d* L( R
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; R; p; _6 r5 D5 v
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 V1 N' I; ^! E. J> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. `+ x0 B# L  c: F1 ]  w> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  m4 \, a. t% x: v/ `- ?
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 ~; F  k$ g' O  C7 }  R> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 }; H& w9 W% i: q3 |
> > hour early.& x* i( s; V# t& [, R
> >
8 |) K# g8 a& R8 y> > Toilet Use
) T( b6 T$ ~. H7 K9 {/ D> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 L1 b2 G+ B$ U* H> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 g  U2 s/ U# E& m/ s* M( t' r> > in the cubicles.
' k+ m1 A. {- \( o/ K5 F9 f3 L> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' [  Z) Z) X- f7 L# e> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 e- M3 ^& J% i. k& l
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 P- z. x. w: ~' \
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
6 V4 X9 c% t4 N! u5 @7 G- g3 P> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 m  u. L$ n9 M$ B- S, @6 i> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 f; R+ A2 I% L4 n+ O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: J% Y) o0 k% t/ ~: j$ s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 Z, S1 i5 c) \9 G# G
> > policy.1 K, d7 [/ q/ S! a. v
> >" J. M% Y  Z) ~) s( M
> > Lunch Break
( P5 d$ `0 ?1 b: s> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 e' O/ I3 U5 t$ g4 R& |1 |
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
# J1 I9 J9 ^; @$ h' S/ M> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" M" O1 N0 _- ^  P3 N" l( [> > maintain their average figure.
9 f/ z  Q0 [9 y1 @) ]- z0 S. h" x> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" l/ i7 b- y8 `> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 m; z0 a2 K# c3 e% b$ a9 A> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& c" p! o5 m* n- n8 l+ Q4 u
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ s( f) Q! k! z# R. F  G> > employment experience.
% A, N7 P5 ?! n  t> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' \) {" Y- X& g6 V$ p) _3 v> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 _  j# _# ?5 N: \3 m
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ L' @" X1 {+ |2 ?
> > directed elsewhere.