HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) f) ?& i$ b! Z
> >                     Effective January 2007
. p( G! Z$ H7 r. @: Q+ d9 \> >( q5 V' F+ x3 v$ ]5 n, K. e
> > Dress Code! c* B& ^0 o4 @: Z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed( [' R: V4 L0 E4 ~7 w1 _# h
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 `# H* z" v+ x" ^6 p
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# A; O0 D" {0 u' `9 P$ s> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 u, k$ B( B/ k# Y% Z> > need a pay raise.2 ~9 c& N, A7 W# Y0 c2 B. f
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 d% N% g3 U7 W" X4 ^> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' y8 B* n  ]8 A
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" H$ \4 V/ c# l> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ r3 e" l4 |$ f8 m6 s. o0 U5 m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. h7 d' s* l+ B6 Z> > raise.( h+ q2 g2 @/ ?- a' q
> >* `6 t0 a9 [& m( T1 |3 V* x8 k
> > Sick Days' S3 E$ m: m& k4 j3 K$ D& N
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! e; A% m9 N; O; s+ ~( z
> > proof of sickness.& s" H5 x$ C0 x+ i! Q
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 a8 X& o, }0 b' X> > to come to work.# O# Y* N7 p. z) \" s
> >
& G! z. t+ [% {& e> > Holiday Days  U* H6 L3 t( L; u; L7 i/ J
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# U" k9 q+ t# X
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
! F* \9 @; F1 G% q$ I  s> >
+ V4 s1 e, |9 c$ e, Y> > Compassionate Leave
7 a( ~! A" X6 y. v. ^; N> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 a. n8 [4 x/ ^> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; _) s, I8 z6 X! p/ H! C5 L' H  U> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. s% ^- a/ M1 F7 L% u8 o" n' v7 z* R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; p$ ]' {" T+ [# @& d* U0 ^> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 i, D# _' s3 q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 e* Q% k2 [8 B/ g; I+ R> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 U- I( c; v- n  o  Q. a( s
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
% ^, V$ I3 D8 v4 F0 _2 `> > hour early.8 ?5 Z% S* n: h$ V
> >
* y4 w, S3 `( S/ x' Z> > Toilet Use
" D4 U! K( X4 N4 ?> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ p2 Y' i3 \6 E7 j- S
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 _  t: q' f. K7 z* h> > in the cubicles.
, k( e4 N4 h) r: a" D! m> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; ^6 y# D+ g  O/ N- Z! M3 n> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) M$ S: U2 U5 H, I- b
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' X9 d/ c3 T, k" p& N3 G+ r7 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 i1 ^/ m# x# ]/ O- N; s; O> > posted on the company notice board under the* N* }; u% A9 _$ X" a2 ?
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; C3 r" E2 e, l# f5 O5 [> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 {0 N/ i; O* P
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: ], _) }3 Q: |  M: \> > policy.( S; l  X- T" l3 N
> >
) W- e0 U/ E* K6 y5 b# d> > Lunch Break
- q8 h, [; `0 r/ G* J. ]0 K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( C, ~! l5 _( a! @% k8 @
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 E* L! \6 a" G9 W6 S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ c8 e8 A1 V' Z9 y1 I
> > maintain their average figure.
. \! R! W2 t3 D> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, T0 Y/ }1 m+ u# z% `
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' i7 ~5 k3 W! U% X$ [# M) m- B> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* n+ u  q0 o- X" A, ?. t1 }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 z8 T! ]* r7 L& R) \, B3 H> > employment experience.
8 F1 ~$ H5 W9 D" N+ w  p. K> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 g! o; y: h) a
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' R  ]/ Q$ {; S! i6 j4 x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ w" ^( D" V! u. B' Q+ D
> > directed elsewhere.