HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
5 c3 W) L9 c) i% x& T> >                     Effective January 2007
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- [  _6 U1 n, G8 g* K9 P: w> > Dress Code
: v  G4 b, {% \# C$ A7 m0 J, \> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. `' y; Y# b0 m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 Q' e4 g/ N0 ?* B- A4 `) a> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
/ _0 `+ _' W5 j" G  r> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% i, M$ j" }& z! x$ u" k
> > need a pay raise.
  p) K1 s* x+ @1 @> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
" F( M& @6 h* I3 m- a> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* G: T9 p( F# h; \4 _> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 f* p& r2 [/ c+ J' i( N( U
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% D: L. x6 t0 |  M$ A# H8 m> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* l/ d- k6 M, p. j  ~' X9 k9 M> > raise.
4 P) l4 f( S2 N- B' J  P> >
6 c3 U  K2 T, A. h# X> > Sick Days5 {7 _  ^; ~4 Q: K0 M4 o  s
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as+ R6 x; p0 m, t, {
> > proof of sickness.
: C! p2 L: Y& i2 D* J6 E6 x> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; v2 A! P+ B" A  l
> > to come to work.
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. ]% h: {% l& U! p7 Q2 @> > Holiday Days
4 t* Y7 n$ L9 Q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) _: g! l) L- G+ z. V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
( o9 N4 @" d& O5 g> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" ]2 {8 \& R# |: Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
+ L; C7 r- x  h> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" s5 `* ?# ]( D- u/ l) R5 U- k; j6 H> > employees attend to the arrangements.
7 d9 e, z7 K+ D/ T> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 x' |# Z5 a7 x9 J: f8 o) m3 H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
  j4 X& t; w3 G1 z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! R4 P+ q( i& m+ J4 }+ W$ L> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- _$ V: J; O+ ^$ x> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use" k$ S! _3 {9 l+ i# g0 ]1 T+ z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ f9 s& D% t: n! W  |
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
7 n* b3 c: M3 w  A> > in the cubicles.& V2 j" I& J3 t1 O1 h8 _* r& M+ z  E
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
3 Z# j' @8 {( n6 }/ K* A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- ^# z* H: v2 J$ `
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 A+ S& f7 T- b2 j% }, M> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% q* I7 N  h5 r  J; {$ a. {
> > posted on the company notice board under the
- L8 u/ D% `: }. m& P8 g' Y: V> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 l+ @- ]2 V# c3 @6 f$ c> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, s& h/ G% n3 e, O  U1 B9 ?5 C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 w4 t. A+ v) s: z: i5 t: `0 h4 s/ E> > policy.+ M. M/ g+ F  g- K, J
> >. D3 F* c0 m  i3 V# H, {$ Q
> > Lunch Break
8 t- ]; v# k* B. j' a( i% ]! G6 ]8 ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, q3 b3 t  y3 [8 z8 @
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; m, X! d0 G1 X8 @' H7 G* Q. @
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- ?" I9 u8 _- l8 q; @$ e4 S, D% O
> > maintain their average figure.
! e  Y- |( Y$ F, k5 `* X> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time. E, j2 Q  |! o4 t
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; Y% @* s) c8 I; _( x$ m- @> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# V' u- C" J/ r, Q> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 C& ~! P2 J3 I$ a( }2 j2 \> > employment experience.1 q3 S5 a% e3 w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ J, ]8 D5 ]* x- x# O' B
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- Y- `( C. B) r! a8 t  B> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- q- r+ c: g# F$ d# F
> > directed elsewhere.