HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& `' Q8 x* e& x2 }2 b( B6 s> >                     Effective January 2007
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4 ?. B4 {+ N+ }4 M/ `9 f! }! d> > Dress Code& I8 U' p* @# t7 A% q$ ^) ~
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, t9 o+ z- m% Y' v# M* ?  f  s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
9 t# M7 L: M; l> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, F( ~. i( g; r. p9 ~# l
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 M4 @6 M( h* H, L% I, j. P+ R
> > need a pay raise.6 J  h  Q/ W# f- t) \! h+ [
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) D$ i! [1 V3 {! A% v; {0 |
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 V- a$ y+ ^) j> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- b2 n, u# ]/ A+ z6 w
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 B5 K! i. R6 `( e1 `# D
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; z8 r2 V: A5 d! X; z8 w  x, `% T> > raise.# j  X8 Z! r- }! r; S' F1 @
> >
1 p, N- Y3 N2 t0 [* c& J$ {> > Sick Days# R& Q3 d. x; Y
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
0 B+ t) z) `, f! C3 q" ^, M0 x# W( W> > proof of sickness.. ^% j2 s6 I- u6 g8 {
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 e8 q. \# Q5 \! o: x4 x
> > to come to work.- b, ?1 M! S  r
> >
' ]' T) M1 E8 Z! j% k> > Holiday Days
- l0 f7 q7 U1 A7 T" c$ @) M) `> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  q" V- L3 f0 p9 ]
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 ]6 J. y( g! T+ M3 D% {
> >
# b' c! H9 T5 j% l> > Compassionate Leave7 h1 e# e' B1 d" ^
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
% L* g, Q* X" h> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
7 B/ }8 u. o# [> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  R) z9 S7 L0 w, U# P( S# H> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ J: w9 c5 [0 ^+ b2 t/ j> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 i3 [' j4 j' q6 p
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 {/ F5 g3 W# ^- k! W> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ Z9 ~7 I- C# ^0 x% s1 U& }> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, d6 M) i" D# T9 I- L
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
: \; G8 o+ t3 L6 H9 C, h2 ]# k; U> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 c, ?  P' Z" x5 U> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 x, [+ o+ C" V+ N5 g
> > in the cubicles., z* I8 C9 g4 x. A- u/ ^) Q. r0 J
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( w+ H9 q' N( m, c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ Q0 m( A( {/ h3 v
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: o$ C7 q; T* E  p" F1 C5 Y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 |& Y( N! t6 z3 P+ e> > posted on the company notice board under the9 Z& T. k3 t7 i8 v
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( k" i9 R5 f1 g> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, d/ g' c& M8 f7 y: m9 w9 |: ?) s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- h0 {: W& ?" n4 t& }" X: s> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
5 ~9 O+ ^' i/ F/ [, g# ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ S# |5 c& X3 h) e" P" L$ e8 y6 @
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( `1 t# r- C& G! x2 K
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
  p/ I0 i3 }: @1 _/ u' M> > maintain their average figure.1 ^; q. g0 [0 x, k$ e
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 W! D1 D( b6 S6 h
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 S  _" e( m# f% N3 m& v> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 y+ `/ n! u: R+ F' e1 A
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
9 h* c; c% c  l3 z7 A> > employment experience.9 C9 h( i2 `. A* O6 r; p0 }5 w$ k
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" [9 f9 t/ N0 N1 _9 y8 M4 E> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* d7 m+ V9 T) O
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 L9 A' m9 E1 P) J  @( Z
> > directed elsewhere.