HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  U7 `4 a  q/ q% Z
> >                     Effective January 2007# M5 x3 k- g0 L8 g- k0 h/ a
> >
; K' ]+ {) x1 ~> > Dress Code
1 c' V) t, v/ r% r5 @" t> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. g. r7 K- c2 E+ ]# o7 }1 {8 H+ I( c
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing- j6 s0 A, F) j. U; A
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 F' O- U5 A* `> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 b7 a' _5 Z; x# U2 P9 m
> > need a pay raise.
7 N4 m# E+ S2 ?8 ]9 Y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ N0 X  j3 G& j3 o5 W3 I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ u. f) w* f9 `8 v
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- k" }8 {  n- d- a
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: D& n; \$ m7 ?9 f> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' f; M5 q; u2 E9 k
> > raise.
( l+ O  t+ U' L% U. ^1 ?> >$ x  `- D6 I+ p, p9 U$ M
> > Sick Days
- @7 U) u/ R6 R6 l/ L0 p9 y> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& B' b' W4 v# u. J# a  [- V0 S> > proof of sickness.
+ v) U  N- M$ \( G+ Z3 H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able6 a. Z" o( t6 C' y7 t4 O$ s' F
> > to come to work.
4 e  |# i) |8 Q. K$ u$ J> >
' W8 h" W* P/ z/ ?0 i8 i> > Holiday Days" @2 D5 z8 [7 O0 u
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 b5 H  c5 m6 Q% D6 V$ F9 T
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 z0 K3 w( ?: I9 t> >
6 E) o  g2 V( K! V  l4 t> > Compassionate Leave3 p4 f# I# p# [* f/ S/ h$ }, e* d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
! v6 z7 p. _% T' C, I% o> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ I4 ~/ z( f  @' V
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. Y% Q  X3 q# H: W" d8 Q  N
> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ G  q9 B' h5 Q! ^/ E
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" h; Z. f9 t6 \1 T! c4 k
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- J+ G) ]  t" ^3 ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 d$ S8 D7 r; O( M> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 U$ O0 h# @2 a# S+ A
> > hour early.
, s; K, `! \) t9 E$ V$ n> >5 A9 W* [; Y( C% `8 N2 D0 [
> > Toilet Use& P/ L! i( I3 K/ _' m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 s0 H5 z( r6 X) z. E5 A. T
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
- u& S6 X* X$ X( R# {" r> > in the cubicles.% {) X% f( ?5 l5 Z$ @
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ V& _- Q9 @4 n9 l  j. L
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle+ x5 p9 n& T3 z% u' o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- {& b! U9 z; P0 M! f! `
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 O# f( H. }- }% m3 m, l8 L
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 o1 S2 D1 R4 Z! {& B9 a+ X: @
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
' U! U2 X( a( c! E) _5 l* y0 ]> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ M  q1 G% R" q- E7 \$ k2 N/ P& L$ _
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 O+ I# V+ D9 t* f! h& W% n4 r> > policy.
5 c) |" ~+ T  D) B' Y2 D" N> >
6 P0 [! Z6 A' ]) I! C% A> > Lunch Break( G- ?9 C5 q4 |; \* E! i3 P0 d9 [
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 g# [+ e3 N% ^3 L3 f
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- s8 Q% k( K8 `, U$ L$ n> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) v9 q! T& E& @% F. l
> > maintain their average figure.1 K) V( U, Q2 W5 y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
! t* k, O0 @6 R$ t+ K> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' p: E0 Y' L  g- k& r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ k. _  e9 D+ i' W* A# g
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 X5 Y1 O# ], b; b8 z> > employment experience.0 I9 `1 _+ ]: _5 S9 U
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* O0 v/ I2 l; v
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 T+ K  V  ^# K4 x/ T: L6 X1 t> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! @% @2 e9 I' ?  [> > directed elsewhere.