HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
% l$ k9 t; A/ h2 ?1 Z7 M6 K> >                     Effective January 2007! n1 d9 f" n+ Y3 C3 ?
> >3 P, K9 |/ a$ P( y
> > Dress Code7 C  f, X( J6 ]& Y- O, R
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& z# I+ _8 }. _) o
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 T6 O$ p8 W! ?# X/ P% c# w2 y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: S/ a4 b- i1 ^' J) |, M: c, u+ _> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 f$ a2 D2 X, c- N2 l2 _! e# B
> > need a pay raise.8 b* T1 R& f  S  D& s5 I
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ S! i4 w& K% W) u/ A1 j; w7 ?7 i
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ V" t' i0 L6 w1 K/ @2 K  R> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% |1 B6 M% |! c- {> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- t  m( P1 q; e! Z> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 G3 n* j( b4 f( \# Q4 x> > raise.
& `" E2 \5 \; O( Y> >
& c* b6 W5 j, S; e$ a2 R0 E> > Sick Days
* \# A9 o2 s9 H' P> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 o9 S& U% h9 p3 }. Q, {8 H> > proof of sickness.
5 B& c# H3 [6 }6 q# ]2 a) Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; m' E' _' O6 ?# I- [! L' i
> > to come to work.
8 H* p, V- ~. {: Z: N* \! l! j# O% J> >
: s5 \& ^6 o- K> > Holiday Days
: r6 b; j9 g' t& ?8 y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! g2 \) @" c% L" |# F% Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ b2 @/ f: ?# o5 T> >
, N0 `/ M" J  w- b* R$ n  R> > Compassionate Leave
5 Q$ J. h8 c6 O> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 {$ A6 p- V2 _4 \. n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) f7 ~# ?; R# {+ o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-$ U  b( a' i' m
> > employees attend to the arrangements.: Y# q6 {7 s0 _2 b3 o' W
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
' u3 a; ]7 |7 B- e: V* C$ r0 @> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; E, `8 J7 M8 O> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' f/ w: ?* ^$ C# j+ ^0 |> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. k+ m( S0 w5 f3 |1 v. x# I# n, n> > hour early.
) z; x# ?7 q4 M0 {! [> >' {7 U8 @& M7 V' W
> > Toilet Use
; f) P9 y; }3 A. \> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 b% G5 C3 i! ^7 y$ K+ Z6 Z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 D& V6 l; X& F% _> > in the cubicles.( r$ [2 l3 L. @) V& [2 H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" ~/ Y5 A. j. z' }
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 p$ j# Q' S! l: D8 Y# d) Y, l
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
+ J7 ?' J( m8 Q# \9 m" m> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: Q+ J& h& D* R0 ~1 Q7 J
> > posted on the company notice board under the, K8 ~. m% ]0 K( T6 m
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ W5 y8 q$ S/ @3 C6 s* A
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
" V: C" C/ ^5 k! _> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
* i5 ^3 \7 z  F/ W; X' c> > policy.$ Z* ~' j) n, t- `3 [" _/ Y% f% F
> >
; K: f2 n# C/ k* @4 ~- H0 l0 F> > Lunch Break; i2 z/ q+ F+ v3 c4 @5 K
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 w8 h: s8 g/ N, h8 ^( l9 m7 P) w> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ }% ^8 V3 K$ |4 U  Z8 T! u
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% E, K) u& S: n* d2 z# \
> > maintain their average figure.
. g* n6 V! P6 G( h5 G> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: ^) h0 E7 [; \" b' i
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ w0 L1 i9 i, y' g6 W2 I) |; H8 x, D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 D9 ^2 P$ \) M  ?3 ]! j0 h> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; W: n" \- u) q% g% U2 W
> > employment experience.
# R' `1 M  I5 d* ^: u3 |* V> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# a' u9 P* K, V7 V% {3 D% x' K0 \) f> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," t* Q" U6 z0 y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) ~/ C* q  R( l# }$ y& z) D
> > directed elsewhere.