HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
/ b. U3 }3 l: m- R> >                     Effective January 2007, J, J! K6 Y2 O: O/ R, w5 O/ r
> >
7 O6 o' i$ }0 f+ n) v: c. i> > Dress Code9 n, a+ Z0 s: ]/ B7 ?: z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: B2 s% f: y9 M4 ]- p" n# C8 @> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 D  k3 x5 D8 E> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 D0 n4 ~+ Y6 u! D5 m( _> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 f! b% D. Y  k> > need a pay raise.6 }! s$ b% u" [- T
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& o( \3 T4 {# i! {2 y& [5 M' I$ [- O> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 E* l9 i4 t2 R' l+ b! L
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) `* {  Q1 O! h; r* d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. l; D: R! v) _$ K/ F+ d0 }7 K0 q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" t" {' m3 W+ v: S> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
$ H# O+ a( a! M! G$ J+ ^- C> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ @; B$ I: A* T6 i  ~* C5 Q
> > proof of sickness.! I' I( X' e) d( N3 n7 p
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* E# K2 R7 v1 z- Q: d' y. u; I
> > to come to work.; I9 v/ n" R$ |; @9 E6 Z2 O
> >
. v; o: q1 g# `, ?2 ]/ t> > Holiday Days
( W0 h1 z2 I& z+ F9 I7 b; P> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 N2 `, |: v+ j8 b3 V7 }; ~1 B# _
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: e( U1 W2 Q  H
> >5 z+ v. S& z; m% k
> > Compassionate Leave
# H6 D! m; r/ h> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" i, }$ ~- Z: i/ l7 J> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% i( G/ t6 H- X4 @# Y' e> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! m; o( L" }  @; z, X> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 _% Y8 x# E' p9 X3 G, E7 T- R8 s, p/ Y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 O7 }. a  h% }8 q; b2 B5 {
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
+ V- X: @% J4 Q( h> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. V  X+ Z/ ?  A6 k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one- T* M  W* V; q" l* w5 M
> > hour early.  s# l# R4 c, h; h2 J. q
> >+ d$ K# D8 F# q( L, I& q
> > Toilet Use: x" b, ?# }# R* J1 V* ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
! n) g, }( Z' m> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, A$ a& l% R% m8 H# f
> > in the cubicles.4 j2 U5 \+ w+ J- c- u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will; y2 k! r0 J! H9 m$ {8 N6 D! s
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- K9 g5 [7 ?( I0 B/ ^; {
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' F. p) S: |7 L( ?1 b> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
  U. \' ]+ ^0 c6 V> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 {2 b8 q0 U. F> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
7 y: h& O2 F* F6 L5 ]; N> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 o5 T& y) |7 X* y' Y+ i> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( x: ~: s& ^) g- [
> > policy.% x* z+ y) F, W$ C5 ^
> >
# h7 [, V2 r+ z# q> > Lunch Break7 x9 a" L' P+ i8 Q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  c& o/ |% ?. ]& v7 l3 r1 b7 [> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- j% J4 L# k0 u: ]; k; w" y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
1 u' a+ T6 b) q> > maintain their average figure.
) x. Z1 H7 m; E. M> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 p) K+ r7 V" }; j3 F6 @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 a2 r% b/ v. |) \! R3 M+ k/ e
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( J: A. K, Z) C) g  p$ M- ~
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ `  t  F8 j1 D; I( ~1 T' W> > employment experience./ n1 f( R- ]& j* B
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 Y3 s  Q- R; c> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; d; H: a; V" b; D6 V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. ?- `# Z) z  y2 e5 x> > directed elsewhere.