HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
8 s% P1 Q' b0 R) m3 d) \> >                     Effective January 2007
4 {' ~- j5 ?: y% u+ d9 l> >. h8 w7 L, M0 l5 P) r8 H
> > Dress Code; q9 L  M% d( h1 H
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 B- y- E4 o+ `/ z& R4 i2 h
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& r% a. n7 O2 @# Q% {) W
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% J" [  D! {6 K3 _5 G; \! }. c> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
. F' x4 k" ]+ ?/ A> > need a pay raise.2 H# r* {! i3 W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, ^, g; C/ m; C8 N# i; V8 W( `> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 Z  n: t2 P; L0 I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" A' ^" X% R5 D, s- q. o> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
9 [( F( g: \& n, d. x5 \; P3 }! @; y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 o3 q& I0 h: S+ T> > raise.
* @2 s+ F" n6 h1 O/ u8 K& f> >! D- `  g" ^0 M. n8 L
> > Sick Days
2 I- @# H+ k; N9 ?> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
  H% P2 a4 Q4 E' r1 L> > proof of sickness.
1 Q, X: u1 K( x, y, n$ \> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 ]& R  D5 b. [
> > to come to work.- ]  a. |' I3 X5 L
> >: d+ B) Z* m4 W0 V8 t
> > Holiday Days
- ]- u# c$ h! n+ I' ~> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ @. A+ C% m, j! F( C1 @+ n7 o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( ]0 U! K1 G7 z  k; z: ?  k5 C
> >. f6 d( }, n$ o4 i( D6 u9 |
> > Compassionate Leave
( S+ C& m+ u) H: Z( A, s> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 G7 d& _/ ?3 K4 y- |& F$ j
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 Y! k( l% b7 h5 m1 v
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ ]2 N' Q3 b% ?+ W. ^> > employees attend to the arrangements.( r8 g' f9 r! K# o
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
9 S7 B% d+ {: Z" b6 h4 O> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the# G$ s% R& ]1 m6 B4 q: h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. O- N; v/ H3 x4 X: V' H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 p( R5 F2 u% O( S" f+ w( a: D/ T
> > hour early.
# V8 k! N+ Z5 _' L0 m& f" D> >
% w! e+ t2 Y+ I( d> > Toilet Use2 c4 d; m$ s) N4 ]" v, V7 \
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* X; T- z* f2 v! P+ [7 k
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ Y! M  V  `; U1 z> > in the cubicles.
! @% p+ f7 v7 k3 c" U5 v> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will# @9 P" [% b" {# F
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 ^2 |+ {, z' t% J; w/ z; m1 `
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 M$ I! p: Z, Z9 _3 i
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ M) u: J  e9 R2 M  B+ M, S' q$ w
> > posted on the company notice board under the5 k" k1 h% }5 x1 O4 O
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 E/ V" A- e/ \
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
! x" l6 m% Q6 E> > sanctioned under the company's mental health; {6 X$ j( i: S+ s+ J* |7 Z. V& i9 L
> > policy.8 z. D: a8 H! S( u
> >
' p, f) [3 D  E> > Lunch Break+ W  O( \  A! F2 u, I* x! q9 b
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 ?8 p2 E' h9 M$ g: F4 y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; M4 |- p. K( |. X" L( u# n% |1 g> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: z  V* J5 J  y" j$ S/ S  N/ w" \
> > maintain their average figure.
" N; Y# j" e; o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; Z% [' N4 J( Q
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
/ I, p! D- \. j  h# h> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 [1 x, b4 l. X: ?& f> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 A/ |! L2 _0 S1 M! _9 |> > employment experience./ f9 ]0 K' z' s% U. K3 v' ~& a
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) |5 G6 S. S+ p6 i* @, @2 p> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; M) E) ?  Y, r( l  {
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ u) x8 M: b0 G3 `> > directed elsewhere.