HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:% j6 u0 [# U$ h7 U* u/ p
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
+ |' E0 M0 \6 T# Y% A, f> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( @- N5 m) V7 u> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 q: J6 J1 r9 G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
/ S; f  O, b- G5 E> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 M+ E7 ]- {( _* o0 J5 K> > need a pay raise.% G* q$ e7 M% @: Y) X& _1 z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage! V( B; j+ M  c) W  _
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer0 K# Q* b. y- U2 L0 I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( O$ S. d8 S! E> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 m5 ~9 O" T5 Z' A+ Y( G7 X
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' ^& j8 P8 U8 r/ `& n) V6 A
> > raise.6 n8 ~1 h  M2 k- @
> >8 L' F7 ~. y- @$ n8 Y$ ~) j
> > Sick Days
+ N6 H) l$ H# r7 g2 G3 p3 s- z8 r> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( v' z$ M4 K- r3 X6 P; D> > proof of sickness.! ]5 B2 l) d, w( z1 k6 o
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 P1 \! y7 o3 H# Y+ k  y" J> > to come to work.4 D3 P# u+ _( q0 `. |2 f) }
> >
4 i5 |9 m0 F4 ]& |- v. Q# [> > Holiday Days) Y2 A$ `% ]! M! C7 q% i
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# W9 R1 ^  `1 P9 c> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( d4 r$ Z* G  J$ U# T
> >
2 G2 J) D/ [4 }/ G+ C7 B# V0 j. c> > Compassionate Leave
% x$ M6 |' ~. O) }  D7 u, V6 a> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' \+ k3 I/ B5 l% g2 }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& T. k! u4 C# ^7 q% y% U> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( M; H5 L3 D, K; i> > employees attend to the arrangements.  h6 c- {) k& M- V! v% i" z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 n9 @$ E$ Q1 A6 j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% Y( W! O2 u' M! W- W- D0 Z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; \$ h* x2 R, Z3 [. x  c. M
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ x2 ?5 u3 r8 A8 Y6 g9 R> > hour early.8 V  l; j8 ~+ u4 [8 y
> >
7 \. h0 S( t& I7 _/ Z> > Toilet Use4 j3 f- u/ k; Y/ [+ Z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 v+ T7 [+ {9 k+ _4 @7 L6 C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, ^" |  g$ P) `0 d7 `! B8 M4 [0 x
> > in the cubicles.
( a3 ~( }) P: m% D4 r- Q9 u> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
  @$ m3 f3 u/ f. X% A) Z> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( r' {5 J: j7 @# E% g
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- t6 C1 L* I" b  X) G3 x4 R> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 i1 D- d! x; D> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ K: g( @' B" r7 ?> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 B8 ~% M7 C) K  G! f2 W" ]3 S( {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 W* r/ F5 `: ~6 U
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# K5 D' p. V: x, A9 b> > policy.' L$ }0 }. ]# Q- q
> >
  S$ D, U( W6 o& T  `1 c) @+ e> > Lunch Break9 K* U0 m  q& L* k( g
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- J' H. U! q6 ]* l' H( ?> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
/ K# @, u6 X6 N* R  Y8 \2 p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- k5 T6 F2 d; o% A) V9 c
> > maintain their average figure.
8 E! d- p5 g8 b" I0 t5 g> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( N5 r; {& a" ]* r8 _> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  V* e& b3 c8 i- Q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& |$ q* O% n8 h% G1 I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# q% j& i& s! W, O> > employment experience.
  k( {% O- g: ?! N, L> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- D1 t3 a$ `: H1 Z! \5 F; N- b
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* ]& r5 V, i& c% L1 O' W
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ r! _2 \7 M1 y: U' E
> > directed elsewhere.