HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& Y! [) g9 I4 ^/ }: R, g& @> >                     Effective January 2007
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! x  m2 O0 m6 k# p> > Dress Code2 {" E: m, v2 g, t
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  P( b# A, E' Z5 Y% m1 c> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! E' G* E1 l- N7 S9 U9 H9 j: w0 y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume! {6 r7 g: @+ G! V! ?2 W- y& ]/ _; @
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 G( j) E8 u$ Z3 l% g' G2 d3 e
> > need a pay raise.: D1 w# p5 {* p+ W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% i) e/ @' ?5 `3 x/ y% Z
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( u' X  E0 G  ?# v
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
  z; J; R8 Q4 V9 ^0 H> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ F/ k6 u5 H! f5 @( u) p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 a5 T# ?+ U, t. J2 K! F: M0 k> > raise.+ h9 R, l5 N3 p4 ?2 q" M( ~$ Y
> >
; z! A1 O1 s3 i7 g' }/ O7 t> > Sick Days8 J7 q' a  A! p  D* J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  O/ Q" ~' x4 `9 C
> > proof of sickness.
' y+ L3 K* h. B  n( d5 U( p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% r6 Q  O1 c/ ~7 G2 s
> > to come to work.  @. A. @% [* ^3 a
> >
1 O' {( S2 s! a1 z$ w+ `  @1 k& @> > Holiday Days1 T, Z2 n8 d& b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# X0 f- p0 m& T- M% c9 m  a; Z& P> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., l9 r' }! N9 F# u; V5 b1 c4 m: B
> >0 S# q& W) b1 M7 {4 }: }: B
> > Compassionate Leave' m) W! U) x; I# t4 t' U9 v! ?
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. m. m6 t6 z3 Y  W) Q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: K- {+ t- F" d+ m! D: }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 u! \# K* }" [; Q& m& Z' d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. h8 _; p/ u. ?, z> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/ j) B4 U2 ?9 g" B- X
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ B  W# l0 M7 `- E
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. \% N, n3 h5 S" P: x> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, [2 o! x- i# J8 y# h( h; ~# c> > hour early.+ _  c' u4 h. f6 y& d
> >
1 ~% Y1 {0 I# s> > Toilet Use) B5 ]" p# E8 t7 ~& s
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ C: {9 O7 L4 t/ {  G6 r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, i$ o% z% N9 }7 V
> > in the cubicles.
' [" K2 d2 b6 D: k( o> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
* F: P! z/ O, V, k- f7 A7 Q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 I: @1 m; H+ t( O  T
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 ^1 m0 m" R8 `) \) Y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' D% ~7 Y! g  n% n  b! d  f4 R> > posted on the company notice board under the0 R" l* L3 w- k. h! x
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 e; r- {3 w# m( Y> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- D1 l/ |+ G2 z8 j) w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 |: n% P; C7 e" I& b# g+ K0 f
> > policy.: p" E6 F$ k: r
> >/ B6 U$ m2 ~: \% R- G
> > Lunch Break; h$ f1 L, x# T+ j" h) a
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 l/ \! U9 R$ e2 Y! B. {
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) @5 T/ |, S1 V6 _& ^. p5 g/ Q. o> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 d: G3 g- o# S8 ?  A> > maintain their average figure.
' ^! r  @! M* E7 U> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ A7 H# s. T" [. T
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.( L! G% z& j8 T. T
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ |& z5 h+ O" X2 o, ]
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 H& m3 R. q2 g! p> > employment experience.* I. f  n6 H$ a
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& _- j# c2 p# r. e: n> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( @1 h! q" A4 h) Y0 l2 k4 @0 S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
* b/ ?9 @8 }1 K* z4 ?& f' b4 v% a% }> > directed elsewhere.