HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
7 Z% h# \, A8 C' f! u( e: W> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code# j  m0 y* K) L
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 _/ v4 Y( ?, F. L2 A> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
) W3 L& Q# }+ S6 L( E: F> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ O* P, J- E7 g2 M) ^) ?> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 G$ U4 W/ c2 [. P. J- B% l> > need a pay raise.1 l; p; f" n% W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage* a: ^- ?# ^9 J: D
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ s) S" I, [. }4 t
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: H' L7 P& Y2 a/ @: S! |% {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: B* g3 ~: v  N* I* n9 s4 E0 t> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% b5 B/ c% o) K6 O* \- a' T> > raise.: p0 z8 n! \+ J  v
> >; c- [( y9 \' b/ G- y" W' i
> > Sick Days. e6 u0 Z; _, {1 U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ l7 }$ F6 R1 [
> > proof of sickness.5 n% |: v* `$ j. m6 |( ^
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ l4 E4 r/ R- Z, l) Z2 x
> > to come to work.4 [* j8 T+ p: n# ^" f1 A- y
> >
* e: V7 ], F. f> > Holiday Days
- }2 h( ?! _/ v! {> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- x! U$ t3 H# f3 C# S> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
& h2 `! p2 Y5 s/ m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
( `4 ~' u' G( s' y5 s; _- O> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  c0 Y1 L8 p; \. R7 G, ~; C1 C> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ f( Y- k* a  ^$ h6 W$ C> > employees attend to the arrangements.
* x; z% G; D7 [> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( Y6 w8 x0 J! x- s5 _! ?2 y& F> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 W( `; `$ c% i4 X- H+ O3 ^
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
, h) R; C6 C, q- ^5 N$ K> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( m# r2 k; ?5 A9 h> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use# E/ [- b6 a; l# h  M
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. }, H( X2 T+ L( i  s$ s- R
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; m3 n9 W7 A9 @> > in the cubicles.
9 e4 B2 }: ~) `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 w# ?  _* z  `: j5 y  s# K> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 l- _3 _) t$ u* z0 l
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
0 h- ]7 {+ H& p5 M4 v$ Z' k> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 j3 `% R' C* B) {> > posted on the company notice board under the; k* Z3 `! ~6 ~% \2 F* M
> > "Chronic Offenders" category." n4 Z3 \. k* c  o! }& P! X' _. \
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& f' G; E) E; S  |" p' p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 M' ^2 B1 f# Y# g8 }> > policy.+ S) b# N* Y' p; V5 G+ Y
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> > Lunch Break2 n! \% v, Y* D: C  q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 W) O/ ~# a! ~3 ?; H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& ?8 N/ S! S* P, h> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 X4 p. C+ p7 m+ @
> > maintain their average figure.( z! I  q! m( Q( C1 s7 |+ u
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, ~" @( Q; H& D3 b8 `0 \
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: ]% e) p. e3 \% J! P& {' S
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* h* A. ]+ l* a$ |; y3 b
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! C3 }0 [/ Z3 B7 d
> > employment experience.: n* }8 h4 r  t3 T5 m6 i6 D1 @: m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* ]- ~+ S8 A2 L* y; W" j( a  x> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; u8 f: W3 z( D3 N
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' l$ Q" W9 K7 d
> > directed elsewhere.