HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 Z& C' w0 o. |7 j! |2 F- K! ]; ]> >                     Effective January 20074 |5 t6 X/ b; C' L( t
> >8 D. X& P# B2 W% h: H
> > Dress Code# Q! I( C+ J" Y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 a/ V, ^  ?1 F& I4 x> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 T4 ^$ A- e2 x+ u/ C: `/ {# h" d
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, x* n* [/ y7 d) F  m! t> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 _, a( I6 n2 a# M7 x
> > need a pay raise.
% A5 Q, R- L- i0 C6 ]) R1 W# C> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 g5 Y+ B2 f# h1 V: ^. ^
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ F' F+ H/ a4 W. p+ v8 I$ P
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* {4 `# G: ^2 F5 ^; t4 k> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" u8 s  l( \! f% u! m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 g- m! s( r: M! j3 l> > raise.
1 U! [+ D; k" q8 p% e> >
: ?7 w* c8 Z- l5 c( M; c0 ^> > Sick Days& W; u( K! P' V# n6 l6 |* @) Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 h/ i5 w+ C2 u% v3 w# g> > proof of sickness.
* W. c( r6 D. w. E- L) G> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; b& P7 E  J* L- T- B> > to come to work.; r0 Q0 f+ J  l
> >3 R+ u/ |. h/ y" E. q; _2 k" u( }. X
> > Holiday Days$ W0 k4 l" |1 c5 Q( v" \7 q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* W, @# d' U8 d
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ \: d+ F( c: _( D& N> >
+ x1 q% D0 W* t4 g5 z' @% N- w> > Compassionate Leave7 ?* Q0 V6 W3 K1 i( Q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
& `( I: }3 O. n5 e% ^6 Z6 I* f: W> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! p5 k" }3 _. H' z; u- E
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
, t7 M' ~# h5 H( i: ?> > employees attend to the arrangements.! s' W; g' ^' g  V, [! x9 a0 z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 w: \. k" z% n> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. o$ e( B5 w: [4 Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 s$ c1 }, [/ d4 G; [
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
2 J  m% N9 [0 H& j> > hour early.
! A/ x/ ^; ?1 q( x/ z. }2 c- P" P3 q> >- v; a' T. v: |( j3 D
> > Toilet Use0 t  ?  r+ g! J$ d$ V
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 F3 r8 `$ w: M0 ?* ?# `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 j( }& F. ~$ x' K* q> > in the cubicles.  I' o8 D( v- d0 m6 [7 e, {
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ @4 H; n9 K5 d! [3 q+ f
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; H& F( m7 B. R1 j
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 E( g0 U( D/ q
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 W4 \2 _3 O- V5 Z2 W: U
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 e/ }, @; Z/ T/ `3 g/ G
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: ^2 \8 B6 B( W# r. f7 N) k1 x* F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 y9 {" ~; a- i- ~# g
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! V/ @3 F4 Q' l7 c
> > policy., w% |& q, [" ^+ T% K
> >
" {$ t* q( p' N, Y6 R' ^> > Lunch Break5 @) s3 A& Y4 b( J" s1 r
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 G: d6 O$ h$ `. A> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 L" D( ~! `: d. w/ q, T0 z" w  ]> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 P4 q7 H( Y' q1 l" l/ A' N5 i: }> > maintain their average figure.
9 S2 _1 g# V; X, N7 ~8 U: q: G2 g> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 R8 D- h1 q' c) t; \% K> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: r2 d, t! @# s4 B2 v! i
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  D/ ^" X) I0 a> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. m  ]6 b* t) d4 [& m" j
> > employment experience.; m' ]! u$ ~' R" Y) Z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# k( [6 p; f) R- r+ _  O> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' Q: J* `& e. _5 A
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
, ^6 u* [% e/ \> > directed elsewhere.