HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
0 J" P; t+ j7 L6 i. R, P> >                     Effective January 2007/ k( D: Z* ~& p2 y# h8 P3 _
> >( s: {: Z, v. K- k5 {7 m% E1 x5 v
> > Dress Code/ [' D$ v% H( `* _3 ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( M# r; J5 M$ \8 E8 v. M# E1 d% V: n> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
  N/ X7 o( e+ S2 ^  C3 H> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; f! Z1 k$ }4 T9 d2 M6 ?
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ R$ V, L" h- f# [5 V
> > need a pay raise.% D  }' h( E( j- ?. V
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 t& o/ @* v: M" g
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 H" Z/ w9 Q3 e2 L( C> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 f* @0 [6 }3 V, }$ [
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! _: R6 L: _; J$ w# R6 D> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& o6 ]7 k6 P2 s8 x- \& k) S- A> > raise.
5 {" ^" c% \1 O; N9 m3 y( U9 u> >% I% e6 A/ O/ K6 n1 e: ]1 Z8 @
> > Sick Days
1 P" X, K+ a& x" b* M( W1 g> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( B* ?  t* ^9 d9 z; J  f8 b# e1 i* L
> > proof of sickness.$ R" M4 g) i. k* C# E: g
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; \; E  o9 l) e, m+ o
> > to come to work.
/ I/ \4 }& k+ \! A> >+ S' c- Z6 C6 l+ g% q( E5 ^
> > Holiday Days
4 ~, n5 ]/ L) Q4 m- s- Y# m> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 D& `. W6 P$ }
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ f0 x" T) N/ M* l8 r
> >! w) @5 M# H9 J' u" f
> > Compassionate Leave
( F6 z* S( a- B; q( i> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 j& P: @3 W. `8 ?8 R- B> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  ~# k& o- M4 |, r' b8 R5 h; ~
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" K7 |' O0 O7 c  Y> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( R0 L: {8 ]3 s% [, U2 K5 ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 C: n: U. Q3 x: k> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; F4 e4 A) J: J- |8 G
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work7 H. W. m; J1 H/ O/ m7 D
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' v3 z9 `# |/ |5 ~' x5 P8 d# f> > hour early.
) Z0 M6 g0 P, M3 Z+ H. h' z* [> >! ]$ P2 h8 L6 n( K9 Z
> > Toilet Use0 y  Z: Z7 \# ]: [$ }4 p, I
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
, b7 M* L9 I  G( A/ Y% z> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  w4 a* x/ b0 p& T% i; e0 N% T
> > in the cubicles.
4 D6 V9 O- M' T' n* e$ S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 ~% {& K# [# K  L# d6 j5 W3 O> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. R; w9 x% l; ^# G1 v6 \1 q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# _& \" i# x( Q" o6 A$ Z6 g> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* m6 k1 l/ j% f2 L+ P2 N& u
> > posted on the company notice board under the9 [; ?& X3 V9 I* j7 B' Q
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ C- m$ m( T+ K! y9 Z( U6 g4 R
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 B" o5 T2 A! X# y3 E# R> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 w% s7 y/ E8 k7 B: ^4 T  O' \5 L> > policy.& Q; Y; }0 i8 v, |& y
> >
0 J8 S+ d/ s5 _% ?4 t  ~+ y) E> > Lunch Break5 i' D$ Z: s$ I1 L, Z5 D9 o( i1 Q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
/ h: t. B) ]4 X- y0 o9 o1 W> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 `9 q' W" U; w6 C" [7 B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 w) e/ s, f' R' m1 q; N> > maintain their average figure.
6 o* v( Y* n/ ?" g% A> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 h3 S0 j3 B$ C7 v4 f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ K8 B  A. d- z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 p7 [7 A, R" f' _' A3 B* w: I> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 R( Z, Y% E+ Z4 i& Z1 n1 K> > employment experience.  j6 c& r7 n2 {2 F+ D! w/ Z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& u2 e) j4 ^9 W" `3 Q! w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 M2 U! Z& A) F) T$ L8 o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 t; p9 H) r, G/ U  Q> > directed elsewhere.