HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:$ `" j% r: z0 u* ?
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
' D0 w6 c  ?7 {+ o: n> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, _9 S4 ^. o# @2 D6 {> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  _. N+ o' r; U9 G# y9 j0 c, y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! \/ N, P6 z& U> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 s0 d: O* y1 {+ J! y) I6 T. M> > need a pay raise.
& u! U3 ^  a, X- r* g! ?6 D+ L> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ w* u# x! W; ~5 g- A: r1 k> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 [3 s7 K' z9 n6 o- N3 i
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.) j" i/ _. M# [( \% ?
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 G! X( A* [. g" Z$ Z! F2 T> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% w4 n$ R. S& i/ f: N" X: \# U+ @> > raise., }& z! M7 h3 L- `5 T
> >
/ ^) R1 B9 u: }  U( c( |> > Sick Days0 W6 V4 E" R  n
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" w0 D; U: _- T5 l* F) b% u  V/ ?> > proof of sickness.
$ v" |; u  I, [# s) P0 _> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
: w' c' J, p# ]0 m) V# @> > to come to work.: I4 X( d5 O3 `
> >
5 ~$ S5 k- @) _& _; ^2 @* T> > Holiday Days
( y3 K1 y7 S: @- ~0 d1 k> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* @/ V! q* F& N7 ^5 R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." @& \, o7 L( i. c' f; W" P7 F0 B
> >
$ R# ?& n$ b9 k" q# z4 b( a. a7 M> > Compassionate Leave. B: {) u- Y! ]% s1 s  l6 n2 x! Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
( @0 ], l) C- W% A: y6 a# y- L2 T> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 b1 X: ]  {0 x# ]3 l4 b> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: Z9 I1 x+ U6 I
> > employees attend to the arrangements.- X1 M: E; y* v9 {& o9 _: h0 i
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 g( T: ~; J8 V+ ^  N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- R' v3 I" h; S0 E% O' O7 n4 ~
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& `; G0 w9 O3 C4 a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ N5 t3 m5 H1 c> > hour early./ Z; ]( n2 N, N  R
> >+ ?$ A7 _4 W- ]6 k  N
> > Toilet Use
+ H9 e5 z7 j& |8 P> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the2 V# M3 S- d# h5 W) X
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. j* {: v) T( j1 ~7 d/ M  P  L, ]/ }
> > in the cubicles./ E4 f! @# c) m6 x8 h
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 y( U4 s' Y  a% o9 l> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 N+ ?" _" i% n, L% f, ?> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 R. F+ @" O! }5 x9 h" x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# j# G* v4 ^2 }: Q! A> > posted on the company notice board under the  u- Q9 g! _; W, H% H9 ]9 O/ g
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
) H" K7 C" _3 f6 v- e# o2 Y> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ |4 ^2 H+ S' D% L* b- t0 w4 U, `> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 C1 A3 T6 F/ q8 G" x> > policy.$ O3 l9 C9 f  w; l3 b  i, S4 |3 h
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> > Lunch Break
, q* w2 x$ |/ @3 j& o/ B> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 k2 `; X, y# ^9 [1 H+ F4 K
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: b, s" m: H* O8 F4 f$ y
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' j% Y5 |2 k8 T# Y. ]
> > maintain their average figure.
; B) c8 l& ~, v> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
! p. F6 E2 D6 H' L# q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
" ]4 K: E1 F  [! y* \> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are  ?* X$ P9 K/ X/ \8 G
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 G2 z3 A+ N& c! Z& ]# q* L6 U5 f
> > employment experience.
; U8 C0 k6 L5 M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* S5 ]- b: h( n. G+ K> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" v, v$ T6 J$ p  {5 d" e. g> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 y3 E2 N  J' \% S, @> > directed elsewhere.