HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 D! x9 g. V* S- F: l% C9 o. G> >                     Effective January 20079 r6 R- C2 Q  o, A1 ^% [) k
> >
5 F6 M+ u+ m$ P' v! t> > Dress Code. G/ A5 x9 Z* v: Y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" i" V& ^2 r6 @" H1 s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! w6 b) T0 O. `. W' u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 A6 g! N9 V6 F. Z4 i/ A> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' @1 @! B7 ^7 ]6 F$ E7 W* N. g> > need a pay raise.
, i$ B. h2 L& V! D4 W/ }9 u' s> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 v3 U, S& {. _  I0 i
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, m1 m7 E6 G9 c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 k  {, s* f7 c% @3 X9 e> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
4 l: [/ b5 L+ ^3 F. C/ `' R. {- J/ Z> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' [3 b) j+ d! U. c+ K) Y( }2 f" d> > raise.# k& U1 U3 Q4 {2 |% L
> >+ J& {# `% f/ h4 {) S/ j
> > Sick Days: u' U) E! e" X, Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ k. ?2 L$ F- A9 f> > proof of sickness.' x- t) l5 M' L5 d$ G
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! K7 q2 I4 ?1 |3 p6 ]> > to come to work.+ n0 }' M! t+ w& O0 s
> >* ~: C( a- M3 G
> > Holiday Days
1 M; i4 i( m' @; J. ?> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 a, U6 |: ^6 e) v) k* F
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 l1 R) q7 p5 B7 z* e- O
> >
- p4 t. x( f  P4 b5 k% e> > Compassionate Leave
' ]; {. G& i* d: {2 d/ t- r9 l> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 s* p5 _9 U" b9 L
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* P5 K: h/ |* G$ x  B> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 S) b7 ?* H3 A3 }4 ^
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ V$ i. V$ }. ]. P
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
2 q% ?! S: G1 [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. _4 `) k. ]: E  g2 Z: h% B
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" Q0 \# T# Y0 R) \, b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 C9 a. K0 \( P2 G# Q+ ]  f" }> > hour early." N  v7 X6 A9 s! l
> >
$ j/ }( ~9 M. J. K. p& U> > Toilet Use- i# U  d: h" K; @
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- f7 R  Z$ A" T, h5 s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, B& B( @+ F3 R' X1 M4 o> > in the cubicles.
2 B% C  y1 G. X' N0 @" ~> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 @& ]0 g* `4 y* z. J! ~* _+ Y2 J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% {2 G" p+ s; s/ p> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: v3 `$ t# b) B1 i' J. y  a
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( q2 q' c7 W) [4 x3 L> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 M5 A+ y! w: r0 Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 q$ E4 K) @8 s8 _7 E> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" \, w# f- V2 {6 E5 U* [
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 @  m" p/ y7 l! q  C+ z> > policy.' n; p1 ]" }+ E: t
> >
$ G& ?3 F; g6 n1 q" @2 n& t2 p> > Lunch Break3 v% O$ X* p; N7 v4 l
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 g1 l  z' G' O/ Q3 d> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' X" ]# Q/ J6 f0 L
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% n$ y  J: G- n% m; T> > maintain their average figure.) L' n; C; j( `4 M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" @" m( v$ V; y1 W* c0 }: G5 k
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% l4 _- K0 g' w4 {) u7 a> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# S! ~1 E0 k; f" a> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' l7 j# W+ Z2 i& j) u- g; E+ d> > employment experience.! i" h! j8 p. u! I. z& c9 n
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ F- ?! a5 ]9 m! H> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" e5 y  c' e# l. k( M> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, Y+ ]. A) g+ h
> > directed elsewhere.