HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:: A, t& |5 T8 ~2 O
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
8 H" N8 c: M" _2 |& ~% F: Q9 O> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed! D5 i" j) A: w
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 ?( `5 \5 \7 u4 v3 O& N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 s: w0 _' [1 A1 s; f7 m! i
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 O( N( h1 D9 _# V2 d
> > need a pay raise.0 N1 e  ?7 b$ p; v/ h9 ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% ^- J# m& L- y8 h) X  d1 v, J$ L> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 t! j, ~% [- X5 p1 ], k& H6 j> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
5 ?! P, V% x& w; T$ e7 l5 R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" V+ G+ H6 I" d> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  p% b( g. z  d> > raise.
) C8 C& q$ I3 n6 A/ p0 [) ^> >
2 I- \6 `1 O8 `' k: Y" g4 Z" e> > Sick Days5 d/ Z0 @( `5 l' }& g! `; z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' T# O: F0 t* S) Z) w1 ~
> > proof of sickness.
5 @6 @/ f1 j) y6 E, }: H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 V9 L2 z! p* d5 q; u. {> > to come to work.
( g, _- r# R+ e; ?$ U/ ]* h4 u4 ~0 ]> >! l* b  r! o; p& Y5 z, ]* T
> > Holiday Days7 J! {8 o  v# \$ b3 G) g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" i! [! w. M+ `" G. {3 ~) E
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& Y7 ]0 E8 b7 I' d# {( t/ y2 `) l. i3 x
> >) P' Q! F: C, b/ ?
> > Compassionate Leave
. |5 L% ]3 ]2 B8 t' [> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 \& L/ x" E- l
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; R. x$ l/ i: W+ P' }  g  j% `) a
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-$ i' S' d- V. @3 y2 m; t/ e6 o' C$ z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
9 R$ D, X0 i; |: z. p0 H; X> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 R9 }: W$ T' g, w& B/ S; o> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 x9 M- r' ~( U1 M/ n
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ A" a8 e- p$ Z8 N6 D. x& I( K, b, T$ \# h
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; \. B0 y1 x# R# o( @& W> > hour early.7 u5 s% ?$ @: S; M& C8 a+ R+ L
> >
: r6 S/ }* I6 W) C> > Toilet Use! Y: A' w% u1 M0 S' d0 C
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 y6 J8 c7 W5 w% d) \$ W
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, j  Z5 B/ ]+ {" a+ I1 j0 m3 ?1 W> > in the cubicles.; u* L0 ]/ x, [( A$ z3 m/ n, F
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& }$ i4 [5 p( J0 g3 t$ c
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ H# D( ?% E+ z! t6 j/ W> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- G) o, v+ C8 B, Z" I6 P: q- I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 T) w7 Z- K5 Q2 G> > posted on the company notice board under the* V3 \; K) S3 I1 J8 \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ u5 q& h; N2 k2 l* _+ D" v
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, w" I, G  M% t6 j' m+ @
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! G( l$ N! ?! {7 g
> > policy.
; O) {* p' h, Q$ P$ @> >
1 i7 {2 F( i4 h3 T7 h> > Lunch Break
+ l" l) g$ a! x  l7 w. W3 w> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ ]* _* T+ @  a' ~> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
$ l* M" F/ ~+ l: b$ d' v( N$ B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 ?$ p- p7 U4 ?" q
> > maintain their average figure.
- }  |& f: U2 b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 q7 D8 G( u- M0 o- g4 W: {6 T8 ]! e
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. s, T3 _+ ?  D6 f> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 L0 N. a; C$ y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ i: h& N/ Q% p3 ^6 ^
> > employment experience.4 }( I' C# L, J' p. ~2 p
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,7 b3 o' s6 h# R5 \
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ h1 c0 d3 G4 c% d/ _" P  W; s
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* U; d* z9 Z8 M! {7 \# [# f' u% Y
> > directed elsewhere.