HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:5 s) E" B% R6 c; g4 p# U
> >                     Effective January 2007/ ?, u* ?" E3 x" p5 O
> >  L! F) r. n) Q, h
> > Dress Code0 E: \* a0 n0 r6 F9 C7 x- ~+ q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 z+ a3 c# \: C0 J
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
$ ^) }, g- U; B8 J. y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# Z$ J7 v& F5 @8 |1 C; h8 U
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not: d1 y8 e6 L) E
> > need a pay raise.
/ I* n8 I, L  ^$ f, r2 F5 \0 }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. B, K4 ?4 P6 |7 D/ j> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 p- s9 Q) t. b* E
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 w# H0 B6 ?' b7 c( l! J' e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: G1 v' k1 H, m5 z9 N> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ }3 I/ x& L& Y% f8 m: w
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days0 Q. F" Q: e9 G# i
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 n, b8 \6 B0 Y" `- {> > proof of sickness.
3 f; K5 n, K" d3 v7 z" c; g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: [2 d+ W5 Z) f, [% p- v# l! @% b/ C
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days; f( D$ O# Q  j* \, C
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
& \! j5 \; c9 D: r2 y" Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
* C2 p/ i  @3 O> >
$ a  y5 x, I% @% x& T! R* P> > Compassionate Leave
. i0 c! ^) @5 L, m# A* S2 U* M% Z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 y' ~5 L4 f" K3 I, r( K
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* \7 }+ r) |' E6 k. Q, m1 u$ ~
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' e2 p$ S0 o2 E% z8 S% W: p) |* [2 E
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ ~3 V' C& |* K; t% {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 L; |* g, P! k$ c- }4 O> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' f" j& q% I- R0 E- Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; T) u' b( y9 j$ F4 A# P/ P$ U
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one8 `+ i# j8 L- ~, L* k
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
* v0 x) k7 P) k: y> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 U  |# M3 F! h0 D" d& a% n
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
% y! K* C( ^$ R5 Z' @! r" l> > in the cubicles." O) l; o; N  L, F: R3 O
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 h# ]1 p! p2 o! Y/ A6 @> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 b0 e; s* B$ G' F6 Z  F> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& `1 _$ _. P4 @2 e
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& A$ D9 }9 Y" f
> > posted on the company notice board under the7 T) B+ v$ S( k" s1 h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 c) ]3 ?: Z0 n8 A> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
5 f, P9 ]2 o5 E> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  F  v& h" r0 l* c5 x0 r/ @> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break+ t- Y" Z0 `- I3 W- S' D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 J2 z+ \; W. s; c6 ]* J: p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 M" w) R' O0 d% T4 B9 F7 i> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& s$ c8 |8 D' ^* t1 i$ B6 h> > maintain their average figure.4 ~0 A* R% L: t( g- Y& |: \4 h
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' \" ~' h3 }& `> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% w# c/ }$ H; U; Y, X
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" S, H5 |* I: V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
9 K2 o) w& _' R. W> > employment experience.( o& `% a7 g" r$ d
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# n* ^1 f) e! s; u8 T& K/ _" i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,: z+ D0 v' Z2 x, B
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( A$ U2 j; `! N, U9 D3 @+ ]> > directed elsewhere.