HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
; g) _, A! `7 R2 |> >                     Effective January 2007. Z; Y/ z$ M! Z' \; e
> >2 t5 I0 l) x& E" ?) M/ `
> > Dress Code
( I2 F$ D. _9 s5 ]6 p> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 F2 W% Q. {# j- `/ w5 r& }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' f- n$ s2 O1 Z* B7 s: _) i$ S
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- f) w5 |7 i/ Z, |, ^# Y3 a5 l+ V" u> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- Y2 E! U  r( ^4 _1 U8 h1 C$ `
> > need a pay raise., X% j) F. T- {' ^. I+ H6 s  e/ y
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 r) e8 ]& h- K, F9 X> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, p( z! G: ^, ]3 {: n! T> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* H0 H$ B! @! d4 k7 M: B: D1 D8 v> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# y# g. R4 V. F
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 Q2 ?$ j9 H9 y# d> > raise.' J- \* ~8 A$ Y) j: E% x9 G
> >6 o' d$ l' M( }, a) m. b* ]
> > Sick Days
  w! d. R) ^7 P: l> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
0 P* `. V" g; k3 [> > proof of sickness.
- d! X( h5 p# u) B( d* G$ E3 a> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 z9 |6 n0 B" L> > to come to work.
7 M% [8 g$ i& \> >. ~7 y& O6 C4 N# Q, `% c+ U
> > Holiday Days" m) h/ O  {! s2 N8 w7 A& c6 v
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a. A: B$ f0 X: c3 S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
. U* w# J) P4 q3 v; f% w> >
! L1 g% k# ?( R! I6 `' s> > Compassionate Leave
" F! X* W' y2 d1 R' d8 B> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) _' i- {- E. P5 F; l
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
! I* l1 S) d0 \. V; I3 M> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. z  q- G8 ~) z6 K! n> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ J0 }( f# M& ]/ t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 a$ E5 S5 S/ P9 a& d$ Y> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 c; A2 j( k6 _8 j- @> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 L5 \/ r% k  G, N$ ^" A4 r
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 Q2 V/ D! A3 m0 N7 J> > hour early.9 H, O" a+ @7 a6 Z+ a0 E; J
> >* M9 Y- l9 M2 i) P9 v
> > Toilet Use" p: l8 q2 J! ~2 W" h/ f
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 Y7 G9 h# H: d8 m  X" S# _+ j) K* B
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% R7 W) b# x6 F; {: h3 U* L/ B
> > in the cubicles.
5 |. _6 }+ s7 N5 D8 H! v> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 I8 U3 o/ \; f% G' R  M9 t- o/ U
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- U4 p/ |& E+ x
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; h* A2 ?. t( \: Y. {+ B- o5 N5 O: b
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, j$ O6 M! w' f> > posted on the company notice board under the5 M% q1 _9 {& }4 u
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 d- z  `8 C8 w1 M3 I6 c. d6 l
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
" d, d2 _; f) t9 L; O) n> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
, n5 ~( i* ~; L> > policy.! E( C5 E3 D5 m9 n
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> > Lunch Break
: a. L5 }% D% p- Z( U9 G; g> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 b) I7 _% h. V" L, w0 y7 z8 J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ O0 `- |& b/ ]5 B4 C, @& v8 _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( v6 J) G' v' k* V5 u; h5 J
> > maintain their average figure., l: D0 O  Y2 E2 h0 z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) q7 d- x# c% y: c5 x
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 n# N3 L% V( I5 k" o4 Q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% ~! ~/ p3 V, v0 F) v
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 X7 h2 G# u, X' E7 u% e" U& \( b& d> > employment experience.
8 I: y2 c: x- F2 D! P% w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ Y* K' \" a  K; e> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) [2 Q6 [# [  @( W& [& @8 v. h
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 @3 Z7 n$ y/ Q7 a9 y
> > directed elsewhere.