HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
0 h: g8 o1 h0 t" I> >                     Effective January 2007! n) `' F1 O  H( ?0 ]- S; S
> >
; U1 I! c; y3 _> > Dress Code
4 n1 V2 g; G3 t  ^5 D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- d, Z4 J2 K4 M2 [4 l) N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 x0 i4 u( Q3 ^> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 ~/ W: Y. M& ~% d' U: S( z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; S- E  U. h  o5 Q+ z
> > need a pay raise.
" {/ a! A" N  V, ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 s# k- e( n0 _4 V5 Q# c> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 p" d0 h# Z1 r4 N5 {' I> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
  a6 S6 M  U+ ^> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% g5 L- t6 u* {; ~  ]% j% ~
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) v0 \6 E& {+ x) Z9 E5 _
> > raise.
  v- k3 q! [* q4 Y) c: F' ~  l> >. V- m% O8 n3 |* _" t
> > Sick Days! h2 Z2 q- Q& t  z- [9 T% t
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. V& O3 U* A! s2 M8 w( M. T* j
> > proof of sickness.
; [4 d3 q: M; M* T9 ^% t4 ]/ H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' l/ g9 M( @/ h( V
> > to come to work.
0 Z+ M. `  s$ c> >- U2 L, w1 }- [: S9 O; f* U
> > Holiday Days; G# ]5 d" z9 W# `- v, \  J4 C, ~
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 ?. v8 W( @) z1 A0 X8 `
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.9 m( [2 w' c4 |7 `3 b" o4 c/ [1 t$ [
> >
+ z2 M9 Y! n5 H> > Compassionate Leave
7 `3 A" X% n/ e/ S, n; ^* F> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; H1 S; L$ v# G$ F7 `, i! {& C9 {> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
' U- R3 Z7 p- p; X> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ F. D" R- K' r# R" n> > employees attend to the arrangements.
* {# K9 f, ~5 t> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/ c! ~; V4 d/ _6 j
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) X, J9 m+ E  H
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- @! K9 ?1 E2 t! m: _
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 \- ~4 p( `+ g. c+ ~" z> > hour early.
% f4 u' j5 q; ~9 w0 M> ># j! W8 z* y+ y0 H' v& U
> > Toilet Use* H1 |/ u* W) k2 d
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; q% x# H4 ]/ L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ |$ {4 G* f9 M: S1 O( ~5 u+ [
> > in the cubicles.7 Q) c0 \6 J1 |3 f9 M$ |6 ^+ W
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 G( T$ @! |* M: _6 ?& k4 u> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ B) J9 O( Y0 X6 \7 c
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& b5 [4 r) w! h> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) B, @& c! B2 e# d> > posted on the company notice board under the
  B% R9 S# N0 X1 j4 x- t# e> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 B$ w$ b3 v& I$ ^3 R) s. [
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
5 N1 s: Z+ I" K- h> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( G  |3 I" G( }+ e; Z2 H
> > policy.
- f' T( S7 ^$ j$ y* I8 y9 L# R> >& L2 x7 i4 E, g0 @* a1 U1 I  c8 U
> > Lunch Break
/ W& K% }. ~" L& C4 X8 ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: b# a. L$ V& H* |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.& @0 o& T& W5 Z2 M2 x
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& M2 S1 ~8 Z- ~( J> > maintain their average figure.% n! [2 K* {% s  E8 }# [4 ~
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  w2 j6 ~* e5 z) m( D2 @& b> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* n3 W7 `1 K1 m> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 {, T6 I' r/ r- Y& }9 q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" N( L8 ^4 X  m5 d7 H( ]( J) z> > employment experience.5 z, y2 U* c: b' V* ~" X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) c! w% ~( @  z  a: h  F& `" [> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ W  T) [1 T  W5 {
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! v( }; v# W$ ]4 y0 v& F* v> > directed elsewhere.