HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
" D+ N- i4 j6 l) F( r: u( F' G> >                     Effective January 2007
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9 @6 @% B" N" [8 M; F> > Dress Code
- d. [+ _5 l0 h6 o& L> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
; n" s4 _: M! V7 G> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 v- n7 U, D" `- r1 y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" C9 y' @6 m2 w4 V' ?( d& Q
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- ]9 k  C' M/ p/ Y> > need a pay raise.( ]7 z6 {0 }$ t+ p% W1 V
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  j. `* g$ C) y5 h' A) x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 j& |$ b3 _  \2 M: J
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
  @3 L$ f+ F, I> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( _: r. K9 b5 F> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# j6 J, h$ ^7 @% X7 V> > raise.- D9 X7 D- ]/ g8 Y  I/ `7 i4 M+ ^
> >
2 r; ~' ~" P& w" D2 o3 I$ q> > Sick Days
" G) a% ?/ c) H( B; i9 h, b6 |+ ~> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. u7 C' `- x6 R- Z5 b1 f2 G; I9 B
> > proof of sickness.2 M3 v% T7 h9 z( f
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" Y& J3 K3 S  a7 O
> > to come to work.
- J- `3 A" q3 G( T% y5 x: ]+ v> >
1 c- ]6 t# W/ r> > Holiday Days
) H9 \: U- ]9 N> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 x- R, E4 `4 E5 l> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- s5 g- e/ I! c! s+ [/ w9 l
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> > Compassionate Leave' u% ^% Z: q0 {! r. r1 @  d; l2 N
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! U) U5 J: ^! ~8 ^9 a7 z* s
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) _$ p) v2 g; H# x7 P! c/ N5 Q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ L7 J7 U9 A  Z9 m. Y# m
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
1 v, I$ \& W1 Z7 Y7 M> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; R8 n9 n- O, h4 t' x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! q6 _4 x. b$ j0 Q! r4 h: ^. Z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 y5 q; u! O0 Z3 ?
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ R" Y# @: w/ ?3 R- v
> > hour early.7 b; c# ?' j+ }- S1 r
> ># e6 {: Y. }  N
> > Toilet Use
2 Q0 c3 o' p4 D+ j> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; n5 }, e) x) d# W3 ~& S& ?> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: i0 q6 A1 _) o- ]  j/ L  R> > in the cubicles.( T% g. o# M3 m: S, p
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- A2 B/ s& r' a9 ^+ e
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle+ `8 n* I* m" Q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  H: b7 ]# i* s; R  p; a> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# H; P9 V- T8 P: B( z9 `: s> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 c( u7 G# `+ Q" x" w3 y' D7 c> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 a+ s* A5 k- ]. A( V. V  K: P& r> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& l4 O, x* T' |% F! B6 b/ d1 \; C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% O# s/ k3 B  ]5 D' C
> > policy.( s/ }0 Y, J5 [) V. ]. P9 a5 d
> >
- _0 i; s1 M' u% F9 O> > Lunch Break& ?: C- B! E* F* g! V3 i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- Q- D* Z1 b3 n2 d0 \2 c> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.% {, W) M! J, E- J6 a2 d
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- V2 Z# p3 i! n+ y5 }
> > maintain their average figure.
7 ^/ a' W# d4 p8 i8 y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" \! ?2 \6 s1 o. j! g> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." D* q0 x* G9 V
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! B( ^5 K2 _5 N$ |
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 S) y& m2 K; u8 U- ]0 B  K> > employment experience.
: W8 E5 r( F! i* h5 {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 |5 E! _0 Y0 }6 U, q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 q0 F. |+ o4 ^/ f: `
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 w, ^1 b% l" A2 z- F2 T
> > directed elsewhere.