HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
" V) o9 ?' ~: |: ]( A> >                     Effective January 2007. ?- n, k3 z) `  |
> >  ^& m9 Y6 m8 E% J$ ?
> > Dress Code
4 w2 T- }: \# m5 t  o" e  b& B1 W> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) k+ \4 \: q, n$ n" r> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ C, _2 H, |0 t. O9 C0 h! }$ A
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! Z6 y4 r& s9 E> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; j/ D6 `2 `* G+ X> > need a pay raise.& r  T- R, H7 p& h1 _2 ~( F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. a! ?4 y- J5 v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 V- h3 \; ?7 W, `5 S' L
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ E! c5 _3 W# K& p$ b
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 Z' i3 R6 Q8 O$ g1 Q$ z> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: F3 t- }9 _3 t0 R1 Z> > raise.
# P$ r/ }6 r; G0 t0 D, ?1 D/ k> >
7 ^9 G) d& D# z6 V> > Sick Days! C0 ^& i1 ~  {. e' H1 V
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ u. |0 ~  V4 B" V> > proof of sickness., @8 Y. z* O3 a! j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% V! f# D4 {  b4 t; w$ [. ]
> > to come to work.
  y" `% v: h( o7 C> >
$ |" K% H$ m! F# c8 _3 @> > Holiday Days  t9 }( y! L4 H  ^+ k: t$ v
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 [8 Y, h6 ~& E$ H: `( _
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
, u1 I+ l8 j4 b: _8 \  ]> >
" {) ?! q" t; z# _+ _( \% \> > Compassionate Leave$ V  N8 M5 b# z4 V' E3 ^! e( {
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 q3 K% \$ B: A' U9 c' k> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ R+ Y+ S! V; X> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 `9 {' l) r) L0 Q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ f; u# e6 s- v7 d  r2 |> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* y: m) l$ i3 b, |> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( G- C: l% D" K9 _6 p/ X! y/ }% A! B
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% W$ P' S9 r6 b3 k( U* b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 P7 \; G3 z6 L* T> > hour early.
3 n6 _/ x$ h1 c> >. M; }, o" X8 C
> > Toilet Use
, x, k1 S& g7 h> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* U2 h, l" h/ G, J
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
  r8 l6 }8 T6 k% L" u0 m( k> > in the cubicles.4 ]9 L% ^2 {4 j# u: q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
  t. Z% K- X' u- x2 a> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, L+ p5 S. S8 A) c, e> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 D! U  N2 A! t
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; [  |1 ]0 o0 Y! |: f5 `( g> > posted on the company notice board under the# V5 G: l! n+ n' ]' T
> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ ~0 g# ~( K. C0 W5 L$ i% v
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
/ r& a* o/ V6 h* D( t' b2 x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ b- S: G' T8 B% d# T0 U
> > policy.: u, I) d  Y  f; f, J5 \
> >
( x0 ]/ {) y0 |; ?, i1 C, @" N> > Lunch Break
  a0 |5 n/ v1 l1 A6 W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
) V  L4 n5 m4 w* O> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- u) m- Z6 g! |1 B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ ~) f6 O. V. X( s2 [: {
> > maintain their average figure.
! j( j$ I" P7 N4 f1 m$ ?+ R9 `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* J2 H/ T: ], i& b# N
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  l6 r3 H) u) @" [3 D: a# F> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are  Q+ w! ^2 ~9 V' t; k& I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 i5 d1 i$ D( G6 D5 E6 c; I3 V
> > employment experience.
7 k8 W$ Z! ~8 n  _) Y+ U> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," m  C% }' l; b9 z2 ?* ~+ G, N* I
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," n# [% O, m; F+ j2 d
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 Q! [. u0 {: p& s( x5 O> > directed elsewhere.