HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:1 p  k# f0 L4 d) ]" z! {, x
> >                     Effective January 20079 j) |2 @+ G" Y8 F3 A- M
> >
/ L% G8 r, c( k  [) y8 H9 _> > Dress Code! H  D; T4 s* T& L) e: {& N' J3 H$ v# L
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 l% D+ U) {! R
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ g) B& ~+ A3 J$ ~; n" u# p3 C
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* d% A1 T: R* J> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* t8 |1 Q; N+ t> > need a pay raise.
& C2 P3 K) _1 q; w2 A" W$ ]8 z> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ }/ F" k1 j. ^& Q0 k> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
- t6 v$ g% u8 c9 n( }> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 l' O/ P8 a* D/ \
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
  l3 e" F! [: n> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 s- Q6 B$ j! E  I' \( b$ [' p
> > raise.; U6 z* \) w8 e& B( i# ]5 @. @; Y
> >4 J( `6 @" D: S* v
> > Sick Days
1 }. r+ D# |6 d6 m7 _# x. f> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, ?7 f* @) D& c8 J
> > proof of sickness.
* y/ G* V) i% [* a; c+ W! {6 w> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! n; |8 D* o) y/ T7 l> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days) V2 _3 M! c4 t2 G& _# d
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* W) z  v# w7 U# ^: K8 \/ `' u2 }0 W> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& n; B0 k1 q" Y) a/ u/ l> >
3 l, H4 s* Y9 Q5 W& \8 A( T$ K> > Compassionate Leave7 p: d* ^# d5 `3 ?
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
5 F4 s5 W* s$ \5 s3 b. [* m% I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-' ~' V/ x( Y) g( e' t6 l
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ U9 U$ d1 F% ~3 D+ H& C/ n> > employees attend to the arrangements.% v" E( h( T. W( y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is2 w! Y& ~' }. f% K& ~
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# D0 r. s& U- f" b9 Z6 ^, l" Y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; l/ @/ i8 K% S! v7 |& p& }> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& g5 d! Q3 K( I4 t; I! d4 s
> > hour early.
: G# ^( a' M$ J' _> >
! m2 Q7 e; D) y  j8 \, y7 T> > Toilet Use8 K0 ?: v) C$ h. P1 S1 a& i
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 S9 G4 u6 b3 Z5 U
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 F! p9 r' X" f! z3 h( \& g: [3 w> > in the cubicles.
7 {+ q- S3 n, }( H: c, J# |" r$ z# z8 ^> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- r( n8 _$ }) `. k- V- `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: q) A8 Y! J0 a2 y2 n. ~) F7 b> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' ?* n- r. |" F& L) G* |> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be, g* ~' `( X' h5 ?: p
> > posted on the company notice board under the" W! B$ a; |% Q. n& a
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( ~: d0 A- y- J4 ?> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  Q: z0 r, T5 s1 m2 N' y  G8 z: a
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* W: t  l+ ^: l) u3 N) i7 s& C' v
> > policy.  ^+ V6 `+ @  C4 m0 d- R- [
> >8 D) t& M) I0 _. \
> > Lunch Break% N$ g0 J0 {& _' B9 k, T$ T0 g/ V
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 C7 f% q2 b) v- E
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.  b) O) n4 Z# J4 c9 m9 ^8 ~
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  i! w" B# v2 D6 K4 U3 D8 k/ }
> > maintain their average figure.$ N# U  y) H  R# T6 U
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, n9 \& M& Y; X2 g9 g* a: }( U> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 U# s/ c# k' d; y  p) I
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 [$ @: s0 E2 y1 `/ L* [! [
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
/ C  O; y/ A( ~9 L, J> > employment experience.5 ^8 M3 a! Z% K
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ C8 g! V. E- h7 d/ R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' p2 l- o0 h) q/ z) j. c! m1 O> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 W  n: ?  u$ r  V$ Y> > directed elsewhere.