HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:: T2 }6 D6 K- @6 |& ~- q
> >                     Effective January 20071 E$ P9 Y1 y0 @  D# R$ y2 F
> >
/ Y( Z7 J( F9 u$ @> > Dress Code
  O* j: k4 G4 g4 Y# B> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, }9 h! @3 R: A0 `% Z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# O3 }' E! q6 F( p> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 v5 I1 |; m/ ?4 a4 |! |% d+ v> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ f2 {& X5 N3 {# X8 q( D
> > need a pay raise.& L' z# {* u# ^9 {" ]9 t
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, r; }3 K2 d2 u9 e> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- }% }" r: Y8 H# Z# w; V
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ A2 R% Y( X: W> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you' K; J2 L, p) X
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! p: b6 m* u- y
> > raise.8 N5 @0 p! w" A; M( s
> >  r! ^' z) n0 j. U+ q, s. V
> > Sick Days
. K& ~: c; t5 v" p9 l> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 ]) O3 G9 t6 y> > proof of sickness.
/ v- W8 I$ \* [0 t: g7 ?> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
* g( H: H2 K. i3 z> > to come to work.% T- N( p1 _; [$ _) L+ }  m) k+ H
> >
5 c' L0 g4 S; K* X0 A> > Holiday Days* @$ m# L% j, [6 Q+ E& l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& J3 l7 s* r% ~3 j2 a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 L$ E$ m4 d9 p3 a8 }1 _1 c' [: Z> >
- y# x* I6 r7 c2 \> > Compassionate Leave7 ]* C6 `, w% ~8 p1 S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' ^' Y5 Q5 W' W, C* i& W> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 ^* Z+ G, n7 ]& \! T9 o* z) ~> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  u0 ^5 B% Y8 c/ \; a% l, F
> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 e6 H/ G5 i6 C0 ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 w8 k5 u, t: q6 h6 u
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" J% h6 M) ]% u% P
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% j: n$ W- R3 u% q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 a  W8 r5 |, ~3 Y: Q> > hour early.
& d7 R% Z4 E7 x3 ~& O% E> >) ~9 }& L5 z) _" ?$ ]
> > Toilet Use# O: x! K& R. o1 o6 G8 k, X/ W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- F) g( M( D$ L- h> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  |/ ~: U% n3 y) F2 m, l
> > in the cubicles.- b8 h7 e- C& A8 Y/ M  F
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 g8 ]$ {$ [6 B9 r3 ]
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 E6 }( U; K5 f) p
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: p8 _$ ~/ N& \1 E' Y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# X* B5 R% O$ j; c# W2 @6 N> > posted on the company notice board under the
; W1 s& V8 g8 V) w> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. w6 l& u3 p* m. k% c$ Q> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, L& w- L0 Y+ Q. Z$ `9 B* D+ b
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* K- v$ y5 j5 ]& j) E2 o0 ?7 f
> > policy.( s8 U: s  q7 C# i7 e2 H$ Y+ m  r
> >
. f" R8 v7 ]+ }: i& y> > Lunch Break
8 l  r. b: I5 k! B> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
% K7 r' W: h5 u5 U7 w0 i) k2 y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ o" R1 t8 a+ o
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. B* g$ d. c# l7 b* m$ \$ k' I: Y# U
> > maintain their average figure.3 q7 D' ~, M- A. p
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) R& z  W' z. |8 X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ V: B- B; `. p% M
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 o+ t/ K0 a6 Z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: Y0 u- ], Q* _- {0 p> > employment experience.
; Z0 I; w! X* P" a! d> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
3 k, F" B- C& G* I; w  M  R0 X0 @> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 q4 h' w# V" V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 {' a/ l( y; b3 U  Q7 U4 s5 D) B3 b> > directed elsewhere.