HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; M. }5 j3 r% S7 y
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
8 E2 S) d! E6 A- T> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed( {" N% ^2 ?6 j( ?8 Z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
! o* B9 G% ^, v( I& z, l3 K> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ @3 u- C$ s7 e, `4 J  J> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) c; M0 g/ B) r4 Y8 x3 Y> > need a pay raise.
$ y+ U- M+ n5 C& d" F> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% ]7 k( w' C- ^1 ~
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" L0 S: g' ~; I4 N
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.) C8 m) X% n2 m
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; h' L! ~$ `6 U( K' U% ^> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% |# `, o1 o1 i8 t0 _
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
9 Y  U4 h- f' z: N5 o/ S, E> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) p/ W1 N6 D$ h9 S> > proof of sickness.& E0 k# r0 ^" c( Q4 y0 e& E
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 M9 \; B2 E7 I+ W9 B; e* ?0 t' P
> > to come to work.
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0 Y% o& X. i" w/ m> > Holiday Days
1 ^; {0 g9 m3 [9 |1 E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( P( N5 w4 ^  M* L4 i! H/ K$ Y
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave7 K* U  G2 u4 K0 D, l  e; O
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" r8 g% Z& f( t% R# V: U
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; s7 `. @# Y% f
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-0 b5 U8 u) F+ l
> > employees attend to the arrangements.) A4 Z2 @! o3 W: ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; A3 E$ l+ }( C> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* D6 N2 u& Q' |" ]) z% o8 B& X> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. `  c, e' f" d8 X
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* n" S  I0 D, u( J1 f
> > hour early., L+ G5 Q2 w- Y. t$ f! t
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> > Toilet Use
  c( I! q+ L$ K# O6 d3 F" B> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 a8 n; t- \8 @5 F  b4 f> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) h  A6 A! \, p+ M2 g8 y4 a> > in the cubicles.8 V% e7 t( ^8 T& L) K- Z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 L' p( G4 x- k: Z; Q, t. v
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' D# p5 y( t8 O* {> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, A( \( [* N% F> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& e  R( Q5 K! N- P* t> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 N4 F& }3 w$ e) i+ _* Y* k> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 Z6 m* L) J7 c: J
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' A! z& v& r$ R$ I; N, m2 x' l> > sanctioned under the company's mental health) }" h$ ^% @- @9 E- c
> > policy." _' `, v( |% z2 l; x: y
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> > Lunch Break
0 x9 N0 {! R- z; s* M  z9 L. ^2 z4 D> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! Q$ |0 p# q' x  c! ~
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 ?" }- a8 e- z
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, l: j: U1 t$ Y& G$ B
> > maintain their average figure.
- t8 {3 n& L! R. F  p> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( ?1 c% @+ T7 w( S> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 j, C! k( ]8 V2 [# |5 S. e  W> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 w' s  \5 @* I( }; g/ n$ I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 N5 {& Q6 I" U
> > employment experience.
* g' m* f: N, M% h& B> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- ]3 C: [3 p5 G, d' n3 E2 ]> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; B  N& B7 @2 {* K  g5 {& o6 G; _> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( A4 H8 U& t2 F" X8 z, j> > directed elsewhere.