HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
  p0 k7 r# a, |% j2 e0 f* p4 z1 q> >                     Effective January 2007
9 k; K! f9 K% |  O6 G; Z> >
2 u: x/ y- c. \> > Dress Code
) o, C% A# ?8 g% S. l5 }2 i2 n: [> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 n; ?7 P- |# j6 U% ]5 U6 Z1 P
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( C; Q6 M! w3 D/ i  M* v' m
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# I3 _! A% l) Z' A/ c> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not' K: [6 O5 y9 o+ o* T" ^
> > need a pay raise.  c3 M6 N9 z6 t
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- y+ Y% |2 D' k7 x( l
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) y4 U" A# \6 z, w1 u* S& ]- N
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 [. @: b1 x! c4 B. M  o
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 U2 r0 |. {- o4 t8 Q3 p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# b* U( q1 |, W# d) a8 y4 \> > raise.* a, e, `3 A. U
> >
5 l6 g$ ?- e0 ?0 y, I' f- x> > Sick Days
: ]8 G3 Y+ C  p+ Y, r, |) C. u2 K5 I> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 x3 p( O1 T3 z9 R# D& `9 M> > proof of sickness.
# }& S2 W  W, X& D> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 N9 x1 _$ c$ @; x' F> > to come to work.: {# O& F) O( p5 ?( L
> >: t. `$ I$ n+ q8 G) P* ^
> > Holiday Days
* y- x, i# ]4 p" a# r, r> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 S7 ~$ j* |# r# B! K- B  E  Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 u; z$ l- C) j! G> >
' Y) p! l3 y/ b> > Compassionate Leave2 {' F+ X; w; c
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ ~0 u. I  v: x* A! u# g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" h. E) ~+ ]* f% H9 R- x> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 \0 s3 x0 d8 J; n> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 D+ K; w7 S, }8 e
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 d) }3 @% q0 d9 C5 {2 J
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ k. o, D. S* L
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& _. p' S1 R3 X( }! ?
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! x8 d7 E6 C& J+ i7 C; _5 b* S) B> > hour early.
/ ~8 v3 h& m/ F/ L. Y> >
3 i# X* O9 {+ X: H> > Toilet Use3 q( |- [' B( t% b; T6 G2 s
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  g: b& F4 p* |* y: R> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& y: x3 D; R5 k6 A; f
> > in the cubicles.3 [7 w) \) H4 t7 E9 d) ^
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 @, c/ ^9 W5 S! Q4 P" \& l> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% w2 ~* M- H# M( `0 [$ z# E> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# [2 t2 K; e8 t& Z& H
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 z& u$ x$ t% r& ~+ |2 e# r& A8 `9 r> > posted on the company notice board under the2 ^1 X5 N% f0 }- f% z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ k% O2 R; b) k9 b. X! o( V0 g* n
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
( ]% h% T  V6 @$ b5 y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  ~0 o+ U8 x" V  g2 x> > policy.
& [9 r/ t  z" C" S> >4 @* L! }5 Q% G& G
> > Lunch Break
& I  u+ M0 e% L2 n> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# D9 ~9 e  M" l. {
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. S& z) V) ^$ c- ]7 D( D- l
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* ]+ F8 {; h& X+ u% D, L
> > maintain their average figure.
3 G1 W& E/ S2 }4 N4 w9 L> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 A/ Z; t/ Z3 H0 i6 t+ R+ K! v
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( {: b( h8 I1 E; r6 F> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' t# C; m8 x% Q7 w  j
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 s, J7 ?( V, X- R7 e0 a: d> > employment experience.
; G3 D- `) O8 w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* X1 q: S8 R% p6 R0 O1 e> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( V5 l2 L$ b+ m8 c( u4 _- ?" G> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 C, O% q, u% o1 k  b; Q9 i0 E4 W
> > directed elsewhere.