HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:4 ?* g8 i8 ?$ |. @& E' _, }6 O
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code1 `; F' r. w+ x% }$ ?6 A
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 ^8 [5 N+ L; |3 E: D> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
; w4 G) t8 a2 T2 Z. s> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
  W. X2 H" n3 J> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not1 J, i" n+ V; @  @& p
> > need a pay raise." x% ^7 e  U" b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& e* G# R6 S  }& k7 ]
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 c! I5 @6 q, F0 Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
  x/ a) t8 o3 S6 G> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& F  G3 V/ Z. W4 O( e4 n> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* X7 Q$ X( x$ O7 F# C+ C> > raise.
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> > Sick Days. Z  i8 V8 ^! \) P7 L' p
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 F# i! ^2 H. D; A- O> > proof of sickness." J# j! T/ w- r% Y- G0 |
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 e8 I4 Z$ \( c9 g8 \! P* ]1 Y+ t> > to come to work.
2 |+ m. m" D5 R$ y2 e# F" d> >
1 R6 |6 i1 ~2 B/ ^9 ?> > Holiday Days
/ s& a  C4 P$ U3 W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- j1 n0 \  ?* M3 V3 L" c- A( Z( C> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% v( ]  @% r8 ^
> >
' ~% T, R, n4 y' l5 t3 K, P& _8 c5 U> > Compassionate Leave
, w. J8 w8 R9 c7 E0 v; W. d> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' V, S+ X& N4 M! v9 }
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 g0 l5 v0 {* ]$ e  S$ v' }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( E* Y- Z- f# W; y2 G
> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 o. F3 s" o1 F: B1 P
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, r' f4 Y8 o; B$ {& I6 F3 g  m: c> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
8 H  m- J, R) k' y! ^/ T; _5 @  e> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 ^( o7 `4 x8 E5 S& d
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 x  D# e' g! ]! z# Q& ?- r4 N> > hour early.5 i" k! L# n# H, z5 }2 ~$ r
> >
2 M. _: g; h' z$ d4 G> > Toilet Use
0 l9 ^8 e/ v6 N2 n9 ^% D  ^/ g8 [0 u> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the! s6 f" T* e& K) A& Z. Q2 f% c3 K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: q. t  [1 U2 H: E: _2 n6 {> > in the cubicles.3 D5 u0 v! a; y: t
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' Z+ {* R; M2 D; t- o" }3 Q' X> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! z( i% L' r# e9 u/ [' S1 S> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: h: m! O% S8 k6 q, X) A. L2 u' C
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ f7 ^) o8 }2 f
> > posted on the company notice board under the
, ~8 w; e/ h' L# ?: g' a3 l> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ Q' k& _& t) f9 n
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% k  ~' |2 K: p% b$ e> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. R. {4 c% |  _9 p1 g! r
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break" {) |' q7 g0 l
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ D& I( W- K( I: w) b( h  ^# t
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.  \# j; y  @$ N4 U5 ?
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, f, n' F7 ?' t3 T> > maintain their average figure.
9 t9 X" R$ A6 S' E+ e1 Z. K( l/ M> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 s+ M/ x* }; T, g# |. W8 B> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% z5 Q6 e  c2 d( _. J  A) T  t4 q; N
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- ^+ B9 e$ ~5 Z7 m
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 S" n! v2 U" c0 E8 \  ?( K! U
> > employment experience.
/ N( B8 ^( _& T, @8 ?6 |( N+ D0 e, a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 j3 n! f+ s7 ?% c( {. K> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 z/ h/ ?* ]7 J9 e$ \6 S
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
  f4 B1 H( z: J6 q* S4 ]> > directed elsewhere.