HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  U5 `% X% {" R
> >                     Effective January 2007& C' S0 A# H; c7 V5 V7 t
> >% @7 @5 }; i) i! l6 M1 K
> > Dress Code
0 {8 C$ d% L; w& M$ ]& O; P, O> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed  s$ u8 ~, q# D
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ f9 U8 n0 w9 `* }0 z( A1 p> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* G. j: ~! h' ?: R+ l, ~; k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 t( |0 Q# m: h) r
> > need a pay raise.
0 W2 j- v7 |7 V5 f" k1 w0 u> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" v9 M; w% T9 ^9 O, Q$ a6 v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 S' f9 p& C. F& x> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 N; Y, _+ c1 B0 F- P> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
4 E$ O% W0 @% T, h% ~7 F5 M( t. x> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 h/ ?' W( I* \0 w8 ~5 k; l> > raise.- L: w3 |3 u1 J- Y3 R
> >6 ?. ?; ?7 I3 W) N  R2 x
> > Sick Days( a  q' @& M/ Z! ^/ P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 w; ^- p) K6 \8 J3 @> > proof of sickness.
: ~( r+ D( ~, X9 _2 ^( N4 @, o/ l; q+ i> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" W# K) \, v- H" ?/ P/ f3 K8 \
> > to come to work.
" F. z* ?/ _5 f# k: S, n5 k# S> >
* c( E9 J! L' O- y> > Holiday Days6 c* t1 i& ?* h. O
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
( ^0 y; M! D7 V2 g* z> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 E- w- @; D7 W0 G+ R* l
> >2 d1 V9 _, u; I  |. p6 A) Z
> > Compassionate Leave6 H: @2 P, L' {1 x! h2 [$ y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 p0 W6 A. i1 G7 ^5 [6 i% [> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- b2 \9 x/ R) f> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. g" D0 t& `- M# o$ M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, O% v# W) C( T" z6 h. t6 @# _- q, f2 O> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" Y; S; U+ \3 F
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 T4 z; O* p) \$ ^
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 X  y8 b' Q- F& O8 ]
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# x- D. d. G) k  S1 q
> > hour early.
4 i5 c* {9 W1 D$ H- y; u> >0 }0 I, j6 m+ o
> > Toilet Use
1 }! R/ r, V3 m" u5 }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( ~2 ^9 {# ~- \, ?; L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 y% w+ t: Y9 r) K- b9 B( T- y
> > in the cubicles.
% a% }/ g1 P* K- n* a" {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; x  T( L9 d2 B( h- `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! R6 U9 P/ P2 P5 {
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  H+ E6 T8 f7 [: _> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: e/ B5 N5 {9 J6 v9 D( q
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 F, D& |- C" M' a. a3 m) q0 m) n, c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, U3 M) e! ^9 n0 }> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
0 M- R- |1 v) D( J: i2 c: ^* Y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: _5 h) Q' ^) |1 e> > policy.
7 P5 l" ]6 B2 @: J/ A# f> >, |1 e! ?7 X  J
> > Lunch Break
) K  `, Q! o7 `' L4 F> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! b. q( F" B0 V
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. ]* F  H$ m! s/ ?' E> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 s  _/ d" r4 F
> > maintain their average figure.
; M: v% O: e" v, |9 B# o- a( A> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; A  f3 P! r: _6 ~5 }1 ]7 i
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% x+ p* ?/ ]5 ]( n* Z4 V, _0 e
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" U9 c; o$ p: q/ H& X& `( X> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& v# f* D/ J% o7 K! ]! W
> > employment experience.& C1 K: ~) c/ P4 R) v. l; m# H
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,6 u1 p7 e" o) ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ B2 F0 D8 O& i; C+ ]
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; D& o3 b) K: g8 T
> > directed elsewhere.