HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
2 v0 {% e! h; K  s* F7 ]; \/ O> >                     Effective January 2007
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* J  V/ y0 [5 ^! F1 H) V0 U  a# H> > Dress Code
& ~8 @9 K4 w' g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) W4 }& V/ `& c2 o" {+ J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
* N6 L; }% \. m' O( j> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, U4 O7 ~: t8 ]% }8 Q/ \> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 s5 ^& F# ]  ^5 \8 X
> > need a pay raise.1 n1 O( ^: t" w- P
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% U6 I" f* o1 {9 `" c> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 P7 h# q0 h7 `  V> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
0 \; K( Z- @2 j5 b4 m( m> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- X1 ?/ v: a4 H9 a+ B  c% ]" v> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" ^4 ~6 G4 c2 i, W, M
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
8 Z# {$ m* D+ r5 C( b, L> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ X# g* v( j/ q) C> > proof of sickness.
# |* F. \, _* J- m# f) p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able( g, S! t# Y- |; m
> > to come to work.
7 L0 @/ Q' I2 J3 o1 ^% |: c: p5 s> >
+ P- T: ]6 x0 M+ ]! ]" v- H, _  {> > Holiday Days
# Q6 ]6 h7 ?- {/ e/ ~5 s. H: D9 e! W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 C$ n% e1 R7 \, `1 ]7 F2 ]> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
7 J0 E. U+ w2 E> >1 ?9 N. q& @1 H( R: p$ e9 W4 @
> > Compassionate Leave
% R( L4 q! y0 \3 U8 o+ K> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) Q  P/ s, m6 f; J2 f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-6 S# ?  ^& a) R1 G# o
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) N- V5 L" `+ o5 I1 f5 O> > employees attend to the arrangements.
! e, x2 D; U$ f/ Y1 h> > In rare cases where employee involvement is. I7 x# [9 J  @9 ?( j! ~2 S
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- L5 |5 ?* M2 x
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ [1 o3 c6 J" T2 E( \
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one4 s) k6 c  B3 h4 w0 c0 Z5 W! g
> > hour early.  t, p1 n& Z! V9 q
> >
. n3 a& |9 A# g4 Q; a- G> > Toilet Use
/ g) w1 Z' N8 t7 O7 K: J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ U& y! o' d4 I, l2 a7 c  ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit( ^) K! @: h; X9 V* X! W. G
> > in the cubicles.
! O8 M$ E: _3 V> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: E; i+ V; `7 F
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- P- p; _" B+ w9 t) x# c> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) k- b% k+ m& f7 X. D* ]> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; @, B$ U  U  o; b" E* h% G- s> > posted on the company notice board under the4 V  Z3 [" |1 G1 O( j
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ c3 E1 C' E& T5 r" c& c% S. ~, d% M1 r
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 J4 P, q! Z0 r. l9 w5 E( o
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 d- n$ O" n$ p- \4 \> > policy.) u9 x/ M  p6 [
> >
% i( ?9 `3 p. |2 ]. U" I# r> > Lunch Break. o8 ]6 F! z1 y( c8 S
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they  q/ t# \1 x( U  \$ S% w% F1 N: t
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- T0 E6 y( F- |2 B/ L" J9 R* `> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 r3 K# B8 P: d7 x5 H; m3 d> > maintain their average figure.5 s* U* E. Q! m- q$ V- f
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 I- {! r) Q. T1 u
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' [9 h8 p" W. m> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  q0 Q" b/ m" f! A> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 V% ~( r; J" w8 M
> > employment experience.
1 M: s6 c. s  N! b9 B> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ k, E- Y/ u- p/ g, x
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 _) O: o* f! j  K2 y! x* |
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 ~: g7 Z( L( T4 n1 n6 _) `> > directed elsewhere.