HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:3 v; G) u9 a2 L8 G+ @( S% N6 f& `
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
. |  ]' E. x2 b, y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 w1 {" L' c+ w7 Q* Z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 q- C- b5 V( G1 o3 k; b$ t- B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& s, d- f) P1 I6 y" f
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' |! H; K1 M) _$ t! }* n. N> > need a pay raise.
7 R0 R: C* ]" T> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage! g: |( P6 G  i8 p, B: Q7 i
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 ?& p2 ~4 o5 o9 K> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 E( M, |: V9 @, @
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you1 q! @6 S# f3 n2 K
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. Q+ ^% j! v' u) o/ e; b& S) g1 d' z> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
+ d# h7 I8 @5 A; ?  r# p> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: S2 w4 U, N+ g1 Y
> > proof of sickness.$ }8 m, g2 q9 B- e! z; n1 }
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! v- B0 b& W6 D3 D> > to come to work.8 c; I% v$ _- e
> >, o7 o5 {2 o# P$ R% a
> > Holiday Days
6 A: d7 H; s# U3 N6 Y$ I# \" T> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( e  C( d! F; o4 l) O+ N7 Z4 N' x
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! ?: u0 _3 W+ S3 O' K+ l
> >0 S5 [. L# B+ S- f/ F
> > Compassionate Leave7 [# m+ r5 D; c9 V
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing( a9 u) v2 i+ G) e6 N! N
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
# A: f9 _; D. J& w5 ]> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: ^6 L1 a) ]4 Q; K> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 ]% v! ]0 b( f; \2 e> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( `% ~9 B) }: C# E- F> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) k9 _1 K- T, v# [6 ?3 C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ r3 v  o/ W3 i0 N
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ y, A  J5 [2 F$ W0 v; m% G
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use0 S3 X# k2 ^: T$ h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ S; `1 A0 ?& j4 y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ T. {7 u6 g, ]4 o+ ?
> > in the cubicles.; J2 r/ K9 S; U( \
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' j$ y" n% q" T5 [2 a2 [7 l' B- ^& K> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 I9 ~* [  r, y4 y" Q1 I0 `% a. l
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 M3 ?+ x; j+ y9 ?% B> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! l1 Y: C3 f3 Q: O! G- Y# j0 D+ p, i> > posted on the company notice board under the
6 ?8 s/ `& ?4 v. {! h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.! s$ V; k8 ]) ~4 {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; D. u  m) L, I$ a; h8 S, U- S
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 O$ H9 w/ G& r! K1 I> > policy." ]# z1 f/ ~( Q! M" |, e' W
> >* ^# R! u1 v& A% ?& k2 p5 |3 m
> > Lunch Break& X4 F$ x- V! @" u$ c) i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: a# B* `% w" S& z9 k) D) m
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* s# e- A0 t5 L
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ R, V' Q1 E8 r+ Y) [5 h* }
> > maintain their average figure.: U% P! ?4 y% f" T% k% u
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* v0 y" g  k, v3 ^9 ~: [> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ @3 Q5 T! M  C& b% z/ n
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
) N# ^4 n3 \1 T; d6 _* q$ f$ h! e> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& A0 m) ^" `5 D8 M* j; o> > employment experience.
/ N" l3 U; S* @0 V4 M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 R# e8 V2 c& K$ c. }
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
) j! O+ t! \: u! _> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ @) H, B8 u2 S. q2 k) D& j, A
> > directed elsewhere.