HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. H& O. y! n1 \3 x. R, P4 Q9 N
> >                     Effective January 2007
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% W! c8 ^; Z7 S5 ^& ~+ ~0 S> > Dress Code
' K$ s( `6 v1 z9 X1 G5 e> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ e4 D- V. b, F1 _# b) Y. D
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 a& ]% a* w! J: A- \: S
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" I, y* [, d% b& N$ Q! L7 L4 C, L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ ], X& `0 M' u9 M! v& g
> > need a pay raise.8 L' z/ p% h* M2 K7 G* c, ?5 b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage! r: m0 ?* ]& I1 H/ N+ e$ t
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ W& x, W, ]: R" V> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. x( L5 I1 ^% ]% b3 `/ t  p/ C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- X; @" t2 Z% A9 }> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. ], N6 e3 _  }2 [+ v4 y/ x> > raise.
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> > Sick Days6 b) l6 p! _, {; p" r( A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, y$ Y  q' |. |1 x
> > proof of sickness.
0 e$ Z0 p# O5 C" j> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able0 R* c/ |# m& Z+ Q! L" ^9 @
> > to come to work.
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/ f; u7 r8 p4 m+ G- Q( ^$ ?> > Holiday Days
0 A! j* H; A; l) e> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 n- ^) D$ L6 B6 U> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave' L  k3 O8 b' ^" \4 e, Z
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) Z" v- @4 I5 c0 E* s> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: M2 T' u  g" C0 G> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) k, T4 E3 S! P! y> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ D. o3 [% F& n4 z, H/ {
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 z2 h6 f9 j2 [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
2 L: x2 [7 X+ R+ x4 x. }+ ]> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 A8 q# w  w4 n  _
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, {3 D% V9 M$ M9 f5 _1 P0 }
> > hour early.
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) G6 X" W( _) B! b* k1 ^1 r> > Toilet Use
: s( L& I, A4 a> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ t1 J8 x5 F: R7 w3 J( }3 w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# \8 g, B' _7 K% H  O. h; ?. @! C> > in the cubicles.
5 K8 \9 }. V, {" T- q8 A7 d" p> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
4 H! {$ |! Y+ b4 ^8 t> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, [- M' p0 E+ \> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, x" u( x# |. K9 ~' g> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 A6 I9 }( t' |- R' ?: m2 h3 j> > posted on the company notice board under the$ R$ d' u) e9 E1 E: [& a* {" n+ `
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; n2 i# H% @5 f> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: g$ r$ r3 p/ c0 g8 c8 n5 Y  @
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ X* A1 \* @4 N# U
> > policy.9 F: k* ?  i! c1 E( I
> >
9 y5 E* a, Y1 l3 X: [  m> > Lunch Break, ?0 L7 s5 b: V. L5 O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ E/ o1 h: D5 R5 j$ j5 q> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' Y0 s& D+ `: c$ |0 x+ r0 {
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
' f8 I2 E# e( U' ?/ u- b4 |> > maintain their average figure.
& Y* N8 _6 ?- E2 q7 l, @5 t- s9 d> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: ?- s! z5 a# F& o; ^1 \% @, S> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.! i' D3 _& }2 n4 {* f0 B' ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
0 i" s4 f: [* \3 i9 Z. Z$ g> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive  l: J- G$ Q8 \. k. U* R! ^! P
> > employment experience.' ^( k. @0 j5 D' {1 p  j
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# H- e5 A% G- X* C; x! x, m, R4 q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, r4 ~$ m" Y5 h! u" l% h1 A
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 T( F" K* j9 c8 S9 Z* Q* u" I5 o> > directed elsewhere.