HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) m/ c( Z8 F" [2 e. k
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code! }5 Q0 O! Q' ]: V' i
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 C$ |8 F* V) g: L
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# L' Z. x" d9 c1 o
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 _) d& _" f9 Q9 I9 {: v# W> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 O0 K7 `& ?3 t
> > need a pay raise.
# p! }* n, W7 F8 [$ B  N6 b> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 H5 c  k3 Z5 z8 G5 x5 c# a* ~! e
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 e4 Z$ T3 m1 A) M> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, V+ N* y1 j2 Y2 V- \! ], p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# N0 N2 Y+ K$ W; q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 \, t( S- u! q7 I4 s) n
> > raise.
4 u8 b' h: Y9 M3 m; P3 t. a$ `% S> >
/ r5 c; w" l# z6 u4 ?9 t; h- p> > Sick Days
5 s0 ~1 l3 p3 M/ N> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 F- W2 D6 K4 W. L) O> > proof of sickness.
( F; s9 Q0 r1 ~. X0 E& \* @1 o. f3 R' N> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 Y. h  K' d% z, ?, G" @
> > to come to work.
8 E6 v: Q( w5 ^: `8 \> >
( d% f+ v2 U) L> > Holiday Days
( B0 x3 i3 t" P- {) R7 i> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
  H% X* t! a4 i+ k! P2 u> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." l# ^: b  m( R# X9 s
> >& Y; P* M0 ?+ {2 B) S
> > Compassionate Leave
- M+ h+ ?1 [$ \0 @$ @> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 T9 y) q' s, t, w' h> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 y7 X" b: |' C, S6 y: X> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) W. x9 V6 R6 Y2 C, Q2 D5 N+ w
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ P& D& t, X9 W/ B, U0 G7 e/ ]& X
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
  H& T* s& k6 U; I' |6 u> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
+ R+ B6 i0 q, x4 F9 }7 k> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 E' R+ |6 m# g
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 U) ^5 s" O  ?4 G6 ~- p
> > hour early.3 D+ G" T! R( P0 V8 S1 d- Y
> >
' z# a+ w$ Z/ Y" x> > Toilet Use
- f5 Y0 O/ [2 A6 H. t1 Q! l> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 x  K0 r/ U( N: {$ l
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% J2 L1 R! W# d  u
> > in the cubicles.
# z2 {' @9 W0 m8 D> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% L( m- z) F# j7 l2 }
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ ^, R: U% O" w" G* g
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( c/ z* ^# n/ a0 v+ i
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 `9 q& u- y! ]1 l  e
> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 D# [6 N6 `7 F' f! h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 i, b0 Q2 y" x
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 }# h" G. D& m# x7 }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 D" e4 D  K  G, D% K
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
2 j+ Y. d) X' B$ m3 }$ A> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 _& ]9 |0 }' Q4 C$ J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( n2 z5 l; R" F, c5 z1 U  a
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 u5 Q  A8 N0 g. c' w  Y
> > maintain their average figure.
* E' f1 g7 l& H: I4 C> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* D& p9 [* g! X6 M  S& k> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
/ A; B& Q( V: r4 y+ N, X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. @8 P- U8 c. c1 O, q$ p+ }4 K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
- S: H: g$ i$ q> > employment experience.6 U* o( A- }# Q: S6 z' d" D7 n
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% X2 o2 C) o/ t; E+ [. D
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; Y1 S6 ?+ m/ G2 q" Q+ @$ x+ M> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: [% i! L2 ~# R1 Z+ Z2 o> > directed elsewhere.