HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
, t: K5 o  U+ ]* }& C> >                     Effective January 2007
1 N# A! c, x7 [6 r' e> >: H. r- a3 G4 p; T! M- N! G# f
> > Dress Code7 g8 C4 I/ O; N; ]  u6 I4 [+ t
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 Z0 N+ U" N- b
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 \' ^5 i  a: i/ _# Y- ~5 Q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( a/ u; N" R2 c! e. G8 f) D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not* t4 B) X. j9 P8 V
> > need a pay raise.& h1 m( f9 a9 i7 i
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ x: ^) i" s# V( M. B( u> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" h; w6 Y1 S! g; I. @) l0 V> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ i/ r: K8 [8 q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% m/ j' ?( t' X> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 g& e! A3 s/ j4 g# W7 m6 q> > raise.
: h& }2 r) q, ~% y2 S' x! r> >
/ A, N4 W; R% M4 A> > Sick Days  L& d* L# W8 z  s* {
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; h2 i2 I# L1 i7 `, u+ {) n
> > proof of sickness.
: j6 N# I8 z+ K2 e$ S, B$ L1 a/ Y$ L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 E: ?" I; o' p5 w" b' F2 \' G
> > to come to work.
+ J# O5 X3 u/ Y3 c, {> >- C% T; e  f8 F* S( M' J! ]3 x
> > Holiday Days
1 j5 G% D' T3 }, r6 T> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ Z) B1 D, f% t& w6 O2 X% H; Z( g% D5 d> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
5 d7 L0 @5 I. E2 q8 x3 `> >, R2 @9 V+ H2 S
> > Compassionate Leave
7 `/ A# |4 v0 i6 D! M5 w; i> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 I: h. ?% g; `+ y5 X2 A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; A$ Q: E1 N( J> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( s( }. o; o5 O/ M" w$ g7 r* w' Y% g> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 `/ @% k4 S, H( @" a5 W> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* |7 ?! T* o  I0 P- _
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 P( q# K) k$ u4 [7 P0 {
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- y# S( C; v& Q6 t' Q/ y
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 s8 f7 I" _/ p) k! Z6 |1 A> > hour early.) B+ w! z: a* C( X% k9 q
> >/ z) H5 L5 z+ _- h9 O& C# y
> > Toilet Use
, v5 v  J( ]! b) `$ l+ a> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 l7 U0 _" D" F
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 r' H5 [" t% l6 k8 H> > in the cubicles.
2 m) a, i0 Y. x" r1 U% q> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will3 @4 g" d* v8 O5 v- a- ?
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 Y8 M$ ^/ ~7 S6 o  @> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 K0 s: z/ z- U4 _4 J7 B- N
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
. h6 K2 q% N% R8 R. v3 K7 u> > posted on the company notice board under the4 U; X) E( o& @# z$ I9 X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* e% `  C7 B, e> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 X3 U/ z! K4 _& z* N0 l  `3 I. p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( k4 S* s0 I6 c7 b
> > policy.+ d) z7 Y! I# J% t" |: X9 p0 Y: N
> >
+ o- K, I- N9 E* Y> > Lunch Break
1 {  Q+ |! o/ M1 c7 ~6 M* S> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they" x7 y' s. W2 C  H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., G4 ~9 Q$ G/ H& X/ \; a) X
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' {* ^" l# E) E
> > maintain their average figure.
  A0 m9 D4 @' @" x; f7 z5 K# F> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' A) s* I% E( {2 o  b9 U( x> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: r# j3 s( ~) X7 _& p: p
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& M3 O% ~  u) B
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 b( z! I8 A1 u3 P' c
> > employment experience.
: b! ?5 T8 h! j7 ^  T> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# n4 z& S+ A* N. _/ D4 i4 C> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* F; f7 }- A; a4 u: t$ K+ p8 [" q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& P0 K/ n8 T' U8 b- p> > directed elsewhere.