HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
0 |! H/ I8 x) U> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code' s5 U) M" D% E8 E, T
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 d* D+ F+ H- c" b& j$ o1 ?5 U> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" t. ^# u% H4 c1 n% A, M0 A2 `) I
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; r8 q; B5 e$ m
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 [) ~: d6 h" y7 T
> > need a pay raise.: Q. q# z( Z4 V# V$ G5 L6 p
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 X1 f5 L' N" y7 i& p; y- C> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 U: M$ H! R0 O" q7 [5 m> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! L6 f8 f# ]. X% M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
  W) W6 p% Z0 d! B> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' \. N$ I. ]( U, |9 O
> > raise.
9 P, H& w# ~, h& P> >
% D* s4 B+ a) R- J" g+ u( k5 H> > Sick Days, B6 p) O' d+ s" {% Z% L2 `, T
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* z3 J) E; A- @% ^! [* o> > proof of sickness.4 ]  R% \; _6 y$ ^( B
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ K( k- V0 K( `. G, m& G> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days) S7 ~% b& U+ M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; A  N8 |% q8 S( Z0 C. E0 W> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.7 Q! o. J2 W) J6 E
> ># a2 ~' Z5 O2 P2 I
> > Compassionate Leave0 [' ]5 I6 u$ i0 C; W4 T1 v: o
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
5 t: J. ]- L( o9 R2 {: d& R> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 n  S8 f2 E" i: J% D
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ }0 d+ b1 Q( Q0 I  e6 m> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 Q) P' ?2 v+ G3 I; `3 U
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, R. q7 [" V; Q6 [% T
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. J1 p( q! w6 ?, Q; {2 `' B: c> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 @) I8 e8 @5 `) |" Z; w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 ~  i$ m$ O6 a9 |5 \4 r> > hour early.) K- F2 ]8 l/ B
> >
+ G/ c3 K9 Z0 Z, k/ k> > Toilet Use. K6 m: Z# g$ T3 ^2 O" ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' y$ G  K) U% z> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 D4 a7 [" e% w: d( ^/ i  f
> > in the cubicles.9 o: \6 v7 i  O. ?8 [
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" y, M+ c, Y; n8 _/ V$ U
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
. \5 H2 Q! L, V8 {5 @- @> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
4 p3 e0 D0 V- R" T  T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 o- y# V' `0 \/ A
> > posted on the company notice board under the3 k' a: b6 L/ ]3 I  A& w, n9 D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 W; D6 l/ T6 {. [
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 M, T1 b/ w/ b+ f" o1 M> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ {, B8 \4 A# {0 G1 M0 D; L
> > policy.: d% K$ [+ h9 k- R9 o
> >% ]' l* s4 H# s# Q. |6 O
> > Lunch Break: p& s2 x/ a: g; N* J6 L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 b3 v1 b2 B! ]* f" v> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) e5 @" i6 P  i- _, a1 c: \. e  v0 Y
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: j. S# W& n$ Z* v- @' I7 G> > maintain their average figure.
/ q! l- C# d. o! h' l- @8 @> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' i; Q; t8 i. k* |: {> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 O7 ?7 ^! q0 l8 c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 }) @  I4 L6 `
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. y0 i# Q) }* q$ h! l  h> > employment experience.
9 e4 q6 O5 U) P' e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 l6 h+ ^; N& z  d! @> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
9 B1 A' S" ]2 }7 t+ x" Z: S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 s1 ]: L/ {( a# h. |6 m& T$ }
> > directed elsewhere.