HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
1 S& F' c) M: B) ?- R9 c> >                     Effective January 20075 Y; ^+ s( h1 r
> >* F1 Z6 }! X2 G* K/ w+ N
> > Dress Code
/ q1 v# \. Z% \2 H> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# i) K: t* l% v$ k+ I
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
3 w* _9 d, v1 w: b  ?$ Y: |> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) u, I! q& p, \8 L2 h$ ?0 i* q> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ U; H) z; L  E* e4 C. {> > need a pay raise.
1 X. y3 }# t; V+ }: g4 W7 W/ c> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& A1 c1 \" z; g; \> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* w( F3 y8 L2 ~% a$ K& r& s
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." e  m* @/ ~: ]; A
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
+ }$ r4 q) [7 K  F* j  b* ?4 l$ y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  T. f, y* L! H0 j8 E6 B: p8 q> > raise.* _. i5 b4 H  j2 U7 Q( p0 v1 c
> >
* r/ H1 M$ N: @> > Sick Days
* Y- B5 d7 a- z4 j; u: c> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as& n( Y3 }; n8 v& Q3 D
> > proof of sickness.$ C' z1 C$ C5 j0 O5 l# O
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, u( K& V0 q2 B! F) c
> > to come to work.
' }; ~/ s( E8 H3 S+ A; \6 P> >
1 H  F7 D0 ~: w4 a/ H5 y" Y> > Holiday Days2 ?. i* u4 D( [# @0 ]6 p
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& ~& R& W4 x- d6 N) x9 w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
) R; O; D0 Y! z' @> >
, }# t6 O. E2 n6 {> > Compassionate Leave
5 {/ N0 g3 Q' _% o3 C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ J# b8 `6 {/ L& }
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  Y" u( }/ @1 L) l# ^! D7 w! \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ e; ~; d$ c2 |5 e> > employees attend to the arrangements.! `0 E* d, }0 e8 ?0 p
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 `. _# l" [2 Z1 K0 D, @0 g. g  f
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, [9 @. _, l& Q6 u2 m> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 _- g  x' P; o0 _; T3 }& ]
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 ^/ @! i% A& X* N/ s5 p6 l0 {
> > hour early.6 t+ O4 c/ c- N, d: E
> >
. }4 U) L- g) j( {7 T) u! ~9 ?> > Toilet Use
! d- Y& H( F  P' ]6 G9 q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- O9 W$ T3 A) P& ?4 x' Y, s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* i2 d0 v6 O1 v5 ]. B) L> > in the cubicles.
5 w: e, ]& v- ?- ~! \7 Y1 N& U> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 @5 Z9 M8 v( ~1 P4 [
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" @6 y# k$ w  t8 g1 U. T& D. ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% g# p3 y+ t- W) t% D9 {& S> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 ]  P6 J  `: l) g
> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 X9 W& w. s9 Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- F1 ]& o5 o, X) M4 m& {> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 |3 T+ E  k" ~! x7 V4 l7 E( m% ?' }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- u$ I! i( o0 L9 |- l0 ~> > policy.
+ U* g) V- r5 Y: ]; P' H7 T) _! [> >1 e* e  \/ t9 M: w
> > Lunch Break& E4 R6 C2 P( _$ A* I4 T1 ?/ Q: u, u
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! R3 u' J& B/ u( O! M; b> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 d$ K# L& x' i" _+ D' z5 g* s
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ M5 k; O; N+ p> > maintain their average figure.
8 u" Y0 r  y. k> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ G4 i5 Y2 ^& f! f+ l" c( K; f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.6 a# _  E, `+ s1 s
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 b* K  [! b% |> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; L" B* G/ ^- l  M3 q! k: N1 i> > employment experience.
* ~  E5 E" n! W# x: {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
3 N4 X0 J* q+ H> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- n/ Y9 _6 d$ q7 W# [> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* u. D) e4 P% _- m. G
> > directed elsewhere.