To all Employees: 6 N6 r9 w, \# p* T; O; G0 p> > Effective January 2007* x' i0 E# @5 v" M2 G
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> > Dress Code . `0 ]1 O* D) W3 a, D" w* X6 e/ A> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) l: l* G/ h& _6 o% }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 5 Y D( c \9 _! k# s0 J6 y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 4 R8 x* @/ f, f> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not ( w+ s* b1 |2 o> > need a pay raise. * C( T- h" M% W" D( P> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# f& D" E- v1 A
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ! [$ h( I2 V7 j4 Y! q; ?> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: x# F% d' c5 d E0 r; S
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 p- ~( ?# `2 p/ s
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- S k0 k8 B* I/ }( i- ~8 Z0 t6 O" H
> > raise.5 |3 ]7 V$ c! s7 e3 v( Q( P
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> > Sick Days8 p$ S2 W/ ]0 k' E2 B" [- k6 d2 _9 l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 T& ~4 u( h- l8 j3 g
> > proof of sickness. 6 h' c9 ~9 P/ V$ i> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 f. `/ Q7 X$ ~# A3 Q5 Z
> > to come to work. + B6 Z/ V3 u5 ~7 F' x& o* @> >% M% H/ h6 A0 A/ p/ n
> > Holiday Days # Q6 Q0 |6 f) a( J/ |! }/ s> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 7 H1 Z! ^4 a X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. - Z ?* T- V( h' H! W1 V> > g5 F4 a v* T8 O
> > Compassionate Leave1 \; m' T [* I. J/ g# _9 f: M' u* R2 z
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- Y# Z# [; k. O( P9 r% E
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 M y( V6 V( h) }3 ^. y& J4 g
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- . ^3 A* J3 T+ U% E> > employees attend to the arrangements. 0 m6 [7 b6 t5 F! n- j! S> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: z' r8 p% v0 k- p+ M
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% ?7 ?2 `! I+ {( D3 K! b
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& ?3 |; g+ m. s* o5 j2 K0 q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( s' d# n: K/ P
> > hour early./ ? q4 l3 c3 V, \6 T
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> > Toilet Use / |) q! N& [1 p, `. T! i o. W j> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the 4 ]. l9 h; t; p. ]1 {- m- c> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit - m" \. F, V3 J* U3 E5 ^9 |> > in the cubicles.+ }4 g8 E6 @- @1 ]" G7 F, p8 w
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will ) A$ U/ u# S3 d& F> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 z: H, H1 [8 u% T$ c% I
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 0 }4 ~1 t' s4 G- i% w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be ? [7 z7 S E
> > posted on the company notice board under the . w9 I+ C5 D r0 o> > "Chronic Offenders" category. ) Q* Z5 o6 k! |> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be 8 v* O+ {9 k1 `> > sanctioned under the company's mental health" r: B I# ]" f# y" i
> > policy. T4 w' J9 {/ g
> > 0 `* k" ]* O8 o3 E6 r$ a; q6 j> > Lunch Break 9 _0 S4 H0 H& K3 C> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they 4 o, o m- u1 D8 u, S/ Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- _7 p0 A! F4 c; x
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to . H! v$ U; M/ {9 e6 y0 \! A> > maintain their average figure. ! d3 A2 s/ Y3 p) f: [6 f* q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, k8 `8 r: A2 W |7 j; C
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. L' V, h7 [2 R! H' [7 c/ }
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are ' ?4 Z1 ]4 x% _% l# J> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive ( @! @* l& N* I/ o7 w6 y) y+ D3 O" V> > employment experience.* {- X2 W8 |1 [) ^0 y8 U5 P
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 9 D& F! h2 x8 Y* U> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- V" O6 V( N4 ~, w- G2 |
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 7 U# W$ `* x: v7 l% \9 H+ \) J> > directed elsewhere.
