To all Employees: 6 I: S6 ^: q( k& W; @* x> > Effective January 20079 I, g1 v: L$ U8 b
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> > Dress Code ' T" ]- P$ `/ d0 P: w> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed & I" S8 i: x' E! f9 f$ j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 f" L! ]! ]7 s2 b p6 _, \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume + T" `( l* I b. L> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 6 K' R0 x3 ~+ q$ I: S5 A) ]+ D3 r> > need a pay raise. 0 ^6 i$ }0 M& ?( }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 8 v" k8 y7 T: U d. ?' @> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ) H- S1 F& w: g6 W# o# B6 i5 W> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 Z7 e$ Y* \; G+ Q7 I s
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# w, ]& u9 x! E6 k; p2 j
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; [" C. |$ @9 _1 A, i- Q9 ~
> > raise.6 m$ e+ Q8 j* x, L* o
> > - y. H( X! Y: k5 x2 f8 E+ i3 K> > Sick Days # K F0 E" O6 B4 b) i, m( t> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as ~: R( |$ b P: [( T* Q> > proof of sickness.! \# W5 B. d9 |" v4 Q. p0 k
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able t+ o6 a3 M+ b> > to come to work.; D; Q& z5 o* g0 Y4 y
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> > Holiday Days) `5 i. H: ^# s& u
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a " E/ C, u: G/ P+ C. _! e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." F0 p0 d; @ W( ^2 K
> > ( r# W! [1 i: l0 T4 E. \> > Compassionate Leave7 R& E7 `' Y! }3 D8 |, k2 r3 v
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 W% n$ T: e4 [+ Q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ ^' x2 K, Z) a6 Z# [% |" S
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- ! J+ q( F3 N5 i) G! P> > employees attend to the arrangements. % U/ c. o5 \ M" F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& v: ]- H$ k& f+ F) e
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the7 B# }' b9 o+ F- |; F
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% J @3 T3 |0 P0 V4 u) k9 b" Z" w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 0 h; T) |' i1 I1 I9 f" J! O& V> > hour early.. U% \% U# y7 F+ J
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> > Toilet Use $ o2 H' C/ x' H* X% y. m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- K' L1 u( _3 ]( S1 n. B* `6 w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit * W8 _7 K6 q) D> > in the cubicles./ a+ ~+ p' X j8 Q/ W1 [
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will % q1 w' b" [8 r5 L" W> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" T4 y% G1 }2 w! n8 v+ v
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 8 X) R& {( k' }6 c( D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 5 @% W h: t0 f. x( a0 J> > posted on the company notice board under the $ u: f# C* H# W" \1 [ [0 h> > "Chronic Offenders" category. ; v$ R: x+ J8 }& p- A( n> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be . i, G, i4 x; R7 n2 E- F. w> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 7 c- J7 V; N k5 w5 y> > policy. 9 w5 Y! y+ F( P! ^& y Z) J) [> > 7 C% J% N' r [7 k r) t0 M* s> > Lunch Break9 p2 E6 i9 n5 `9 ]& J) T. I
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they - G) n$ X7 r: ^) Z: j9 m> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: `' }. P5 f+ Q: z& A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 3 }" s+ z2 b% N> > maintain their average figure.' B6 e% w) ?2 H) {
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; p# j: l* C C" M/ @9 X4 Y) K
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." T- T7 ]$ ]7 x0 }! T+ Z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ i5 ^& Q) { @ ]
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive 5 j* V C( M6 {7 k, g, V> > employment experience. 4 x8 `+ `" t# k$ G4 t: d- g8 j/ i> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, $ G ?. @7 ~& T* U0 Y) t> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 7 D$ N( W4 p5 }& a+ D0 e: r2 n> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 9 |$ C3 |/ N5 \: \> > directed elsewhere.
