To all Employees:' e: X u' `' I
> > Effective January 20071 R0 f \( b% y& x9 r0 H: t
> >. y, u5 z- w) K3 k# ]% `) T, k
> > Dress Code: t" b; s L! s8 r( _( e
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed ( L! [+ ^4 r7 }6 `6 y> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 T2 l# M, W2 t: \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( }4 @5 V6 Y6 o9 D
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 5 w0 v4 e, B3 T' C> > need a pay raise. ) W$ e) W0 U3 b9 ^4 d4 p$ [> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage3 K% E8 b0 s5 p8 b% t4 N: t
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ! R+ b7 V; ? w8 w( I% Q> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ o9 @3 V3 k* T1 N
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you' ~& }8 w; \( W' j. O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! K6 D; N8 X( F, b5 }
> > raise. \, z0 v% J' r/ s4 G> >7 r, W0 @1 L+ `7 i/ u2 M
> > Sick Days : H1 P3 @7 a. ]6 L5 p7 W; J6 c> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 @2 d3 W- v, p" q' c6 l
> > proof of sickness. 0 A2 m5 p0 y% ]9 T> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able U$ _- a( ^6 i8 \4 k4 [3 ^
> > to come to work. % x1 a7 w2 B* \8 Y- t3 d- i* `7 A> > & u3 T$ Y( O& G> > Holiday Days2 V. o% ^" a [; @( Z
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 [$ p; f% H5 }( Q: c5 A' w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. 8 X9 j3 S8 I! ]> >" {' g! |5 C m% I/ v5 b6 F! y6 {
> > Compassionate Leave 4 L' \+ D3 q& Z: R5 A5 X" A> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, b. j" z$ t+ d8 j0 n2 Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 y/ u; w" ]" Z# L
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% x5 M$ x& v: s1 w- v
> > employees attend to the arrangements. 7 j$ g- X% T, l8 @" Y> > In rare cases where employee involvement is 6 ]( D: c2 I' D) H> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; l! \/ R: N! ~
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work ; e( S& M" z. J5 W1 l! C) j> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 9 U5 M% P! N4 c' L> > hour early.1 \! _& a, b. g/ Y
> > z) `- T+ ]) ?9 v> > Toilet Use& K3 m0 B3 \+ C4 D' P
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the 5 y/ c2 ~; l, p* d> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit * _& p1 D! x1 ]. z, a> > in the cubicles.8 x* Y% B7 A. ]2 @- V& d, p
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will $ a$ ~. p& h U2 D. Z> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle & Y- L5 H' B; d) r> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: l1 M/ {8 S3 x5 p4 M; ? O
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) p3 X; S% s7 D5 |6 L6 t. V" \' s
> > posted on the company notice board under the 8 s" n$ M0 H1 L0 `$ B$ m> > "Chronic Offenders" category. $ Q% f. U; D8 X7 u8 u> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be % C/ h7 Q: Z! r6 V' x# F& h> > sanctioned under the company's mental health ; R+ H1 p; S6 \. h8 [2 p: S> > policy. 7 Q/ s$ ]- w6 ^8 ^0 n( K& e> >6 W4 Z" |) k; @( ?
> > Lunch Break1 `: N' ?5 Y% ~- E8 \
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ ^ o0 n2 T( }$ f( h4 E' J0 v
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ) m# c! t {8 n: Y' Z7 C1 h0 t+ g6 M> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 6 y, ~" k4 T' D! }" R> > maintain their average figure.: [+ U8 ]1 C4 o2 J# C# D6 {* S
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 8 O, T! B& W' ]- S! u% }> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 2 e3 L6 M( c- W6 x3 n, p4 e. E$ k> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" d: y1 n' O( w" l: z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive T4 ?- Y% G; B: j> > employment experience. 3 Z& p b& u+ c& L4 B) P3 d> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 9 O- I. u! c7 |( N/ F! |) g" ^" j: }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 5 b2 C# S* w) |, G% A5 h4 r7 F> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 \2 c0 r8 ~9 v" W5 m
> > directed elsewhere.
