To all Employees:' @3 \) m. h. @3 s1 \
> > Effective January 2007- L6 X, @1 I# E2 F7 T2 l
> > 0 O) n b4 T/ e3 x) c+ |> > Dress Code ! l% H9 Q7 c X1 g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed ' b* `# k h) P> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing ' T/ X* I- o: E> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume & t8 T( p8 O6 ?9 ?* A6 @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! R% J1 L+ G" [3 _' a$ d S
> > need a pay raise.& e' R$ Q5 k- x" Z) ^
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 l! B* W2 P# P {; {) V; D# T1 A
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer & E/ E& N' F/ X- z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. ( ^: P% S3 i2 q> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you1 ~2 }2 t, K/ F: I' B. n2 ^1 ^
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' D: N" S0 l" ]
> > raise.) @3 q I% [; r8 }) f2 i+ O- N6 h
> > 6 P! [, e( A2 y7 m* o$ y- f- G& A> > Sick Days% A9 t& r. x( S% a/ |
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, [: T9 Q7 g8 w
> > proof of sickness.3 c; m& a; e, I6 M4 T$ L# w" d/ t2 `
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able # ~3 Q- b8 K" [7 k4 F: Z> > to come to work.% O% ?7 @' h+ L7 ?
> >1 k8 d6 c/ l$ H% q1 j4 T# P2 W5 F
> > Holiday Days* p+ p6 Q* o1 [7 F$ ~/ {
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a ; l( ^1 X* o# N1 g5 b: @# P! v> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. ; S$ y+ H" o8 q2 n> > ~6 X/ {* h7 Y" p2 E4 f& @: S> > Compassionate Leave3 {/ g6 Y* x( ^9 W& Y6 v0 f( a6 D0 w
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- C, u7 w9 W$ L% p. M& N! X u! i
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- ! [, {/ B" P2 z" Y9 S1 Y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 2 M/ Z- Q' R7 ]1 x> > employees attend to the arrangements.* {8 _/ M! e4 k$ {$ @3 }0 W! B% ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 t6 c! i) p5 ^4 T! [1 Y# w! V2 Q c
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 r6 Q+ i2 F& S: z6 z5 t7 G2 N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. [* ?% c; {1 g- o2 S
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 ~ V# c0 j: N. u# E5 ?$ v ?3 V* l
> > hour early. 6 r7 F$ i* }; y6 [7 S3 |! g> >/ }2 b/ K3 m! g: X; H }2 Y r
> > Toilet Use& h" J% x; [3 K/ J# |' _
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 T( z, a1 L; f1 N( F
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. @# d2 P9 Y! T
> > in the cubicles. + e! V) f$ y& h- i> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ I: [7 F/ U% `8 M
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle $ N& u( t+ r1 W- U; }) o> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." Z* m+ p3 h7 I& V+ B" ?& K
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 4 H1 A, w' a% g& C> > posted on the company notice board under the ) }. c) d. r2 h2 ~) \; ~& d$ l> > "Chronic Offenders" category. ( @# j; g, b b* F: A> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& Y3 s' j0 O, B# [ Z& Y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ x2 q7 j9 P- H2 t
> > policy.2 r$ n1 Z& l) A# Y
> > ) N+ ?6 P+ b) R$ p/ T6 q# j- u> > Lunch Break & J7 f! H. k r7 e+ c9 V: V> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they ( p& i4 N9 E; B$ H. x; f. M; w: L> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. l) T7 m: l3 r# l6 h; c- b0 g
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 3 l& k; R1 v# p" l> > maintain their average figure. ; g/ A( \ @7 K& O3 ?7 A9 G> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time ' y" c# e. I I> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 6 g0 K' C# W6 X3 n7 r8 D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. @! { Z6 i' p. o; H6 `
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 x7 r. r( ]8 i! q2 O7 Q- c* {9 r
> > employment experience. 6 ^- [! G( `1 a$ E' T> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, % s3 a$ f) N6 ^' ~) f* {> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; S! R4 e6 f- H% j' ]$ ^2 N) T
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 m, } A, W. v( V( j* H% r
> > directed elsewhere.
