To all Employees:7 ?: z% O7 C& h& g' x) g
> > Effective January 2007 ! Q# e0 k$ n& n> >+ X K! a& z+ `3 L' |: O' ~
> > Dress Code ; X( h9 `& Q S! z7 u5 H> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- J; q. t2 V5 ~6 [ L( ^; W; q6 j
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing , s- i& F& t! {- P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 8 ~: b8 Y/ l5 C1 l4 Q% S> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! g m$ F7 E" N- T( O( r
> > need a pay raise. # E/ Y" _5 W$ @3 i$ ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 3 o1 Z0 h9 I6 N% f+ L2 ]% a1 o* E> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ' z1 ^2 p& r) T/ r V# Q% z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. % O- Z) m6 T+ @- [0 o) U5 i> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you 4 y- J# {- Q q2 d* M0 q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% C! I P* ~' k+ J/ n( q
> > raise. 9 T/ w' S. @3 T( Y7 M! i> > 5 u O7 w w. K, S7 \> > Sick Days * |2 x% G; l( G$ u. J> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as 7 f/ y: x8 ?) X" ]> > proof of sickness.8 S: M: y4 r( E8 v/ R" G: Q" U
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" H" D+ w& U* K* U1 s2 ^
> > to come to work.7 w5 F, c( ~+ C9 s
> >( `; {8 H: T7 S( {. F
> > Holiday Days. g) j6 B# h6 e! C' w
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a : \5 d5 \* V i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. 5 J! o% B; O( X4 _> > , k+ t b9 @0 y3 A> > Compassionate Leave ( N% S( \) ]) |6 \; G> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- o0 j. J% k7 o
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* L# D, B5 a9 [1 |+ f5 b
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 l* g; j( M% D1 k! [# S$ X( h
> > employees attend to the arrangements. 3 ^2 {) a: [0 I4 l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 [2 z$ @3 g6 e, y0 V
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the - N2 y3 \7 U! R2 E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 [! E( g7 I$ ?2 U% y! d( X9 C: @2 M
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 3 s; ~5 Y k5 ~% a, ]% e> > hour early. 8 ?5 b4 z$ {1 A8 s1 n> >) K- m( m5 x. E# z8 R5 @6 o
> > Toilet Use 7 @' y: J' D; t( I! ?7 V3 A> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* Q5 q5 d L! }. b2 g& Q9 P
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit ; [; w5 f) v" [3 P5 E* T> > in the cubicles. # D1 s( _9 t. q# v/ s# M> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will ( S/ }3 e( N) [ s) Y. {, N> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle ' D* Q0 f+ I; ~2 @7 N3 ]5 {> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 1 a1 i' ~$ Y/ J$ u4 q> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be - S( p, j% c8 ]/ k, {4 p! u> > posted on the company notice board under the1 v+ {! J/ j( R, a- x* [
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 8 u# t, f# Y! ~- G4 {8 e; g' w! h> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be ' D: ?$ f0 |0 o! d' V7 ]* j ^- v, w> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 H( O H: e* a, z! m
> > policy.: e5 U% h# K G: k& I) P% a" m9 h( ?6 J
> >/ }6 S; [: \5 \1 i! C" y" I: c
> > Lunch Break 3 _- f$ `( ^$ j! i( |. |# f/ t4 L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 h- |+ E& B7 j9 D! j( B& w
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ) N3 u& E6 Z2 R1 p! i1 d8 K> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to ( E: j2 R; O5 i' y% I; Q> > maintain their average figure.- M% n9 l3 ~7 }& X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time' L* k/ `4 q- r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. ! q8 Z+ u8 g0 J# X7 q% ^4 E6 [> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are 7 a, t2 m7 d3 y5 ?& O3 H> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. X% S( O" ~ l
> > employment experience. ' t" F4 [" R! b7 b U> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,, j( P% \ q p
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, ( r! Y' j( x J- w7 o1 z% o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be , ^+ j/ Z/ {; U" Z7 b8 M- O1 V> > directed elsewhere.
