To all Employees:+ e6 \8 m( H8 q
> > Effective January 2007 + l* m3 W2 W& N> >7 a' ~* F2 N' N. W9 }3 |0 ^
> > Dress Code6 }8 n; b8 X. w n
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed - S4 O& F, I" P" Z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 9 c' S' o# I9 L' M) c8 q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume $ M) }7 g* K$ T* \+ n- i% G- i% P3 }4 a> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# Y B$ B% c G1 X
> > need a pay raise. R+ {& H+ ]! f) ?9 \- w
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# W9 _8 A2 ?% N" ^' n, g
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ' G7 D1 h9 F( M0 _) N7 M( E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 3 Z- O8 s2 l& }. F$ f( G4 s; F! |> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you , Y7 b: `6 Z c* [) L& k1 f8 F7 I> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay + b% S, g/ G) R' R) S1 s4 t> > raise.+ D: g. l, p& `: g$ q# T
> >' | e: H7 _, k0 f: c5 C
> > Sick Days " V& p6 n5 [& T) G7 Y5 `! n> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as # @: ?# {% t$ P" ?0 D% l, N! |2 [> > proof of sickness. # d A: f( z* D> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 Y9 S1 p$ T2 R+ r% `% C
> > to come to work." {' i9 o4 s% ?) v( P9 |: F2 q: n3 g
> >6 E& ], k! k }) M# L; \0 B
> > Holiday Days0 A v+ a+ k, x7 k+ d6 N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- t/ q4 ~$ Y4 j! C; K& L0 c" A
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. x+ D& y3 G/ C. q8 p: a8 a& Q c
> >! |$ I3 w3 V/ s
> > Compassionate Leave$ D6 U0 b# L3 }1 }% t
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 4 E$ V) O0 C$ v3 Z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 5 P0 i F$ M1 H+ x8 X4 v; T> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) _7 a2 u' @! r2 W3 r5 A
> > employees attend to the arrangements.: @2 \ a( X! I5 R
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is ! F6 Q3 m+ w# U% ^5 x- [; h- w> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 ^4 }) C* C v7 a+ `; o; R7 c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work , z- P; c$ W, }1 g2 ]. k> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! R9 Y- N5 y3 K1 P
> > hour early.4 v$ l7 A$ j9 j$ k8 m+ Y
> >) m; i W) L! z: D* @1 o
> > Toilet Use. i; Z8 p/ \) P5 J" U9 c
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. A5 q$ X, }1 b: M
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit + i8 c4 W! U1 d$ U2 ]! }9 m& y> > in the cubicles. E c) ?/ _9 c, J> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 3 F4 Y: |0 m. Z0 p$ e' ~> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle $ @: j' z6 K. O+ D# u, X5 T; {> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.% O' S+ M' j- v
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be # S& n6 E6 I* c$ V" A> > posted on the company notice board under the. S* w8 Q( ^! P) x, r3 `$ t4 J
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 9 o* `+ z" G" [% V* E> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be ! q# _/ t& g( \8 s. y+ I> > sanctioned under the company's mental health S* _4 V* |8 H7 {& h2 l> > policy. 7 C; h/ R$ i% C2 j1 e8 j> > 8 V$ P/ I2 |! S: [( h> > Lunch Break # S8 F. x! {, R6 r1 g; j> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they \! ^7 o8 D* d P, R6 r" t' e& W> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 9 ~/ k+ s0 |& z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to # _7 _+ C$ {, A> > maintain their average figure. # A' B. M: t( o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time H% L; j% t) |0 i
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.6 @, V. E5 {! O p" ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are ) o, `5 Q; i: s, ?" P2 Q" O$ d' o' O3 B> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive ' k2 g! d, q7 O9 m/ v8 T0 _( e' Z> > employment experience.4 k7 G; W4 ` | O- H
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 Y [8 D7 F" o- t9 F
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 9 R! ?! p( _) V. n> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 T: x) \+ e/ @. @! c( a$ D8 l
> > directed elsewhere.
