To all Employees: - c% }% e3 n7 r G1 P4 _& L5 I: _6 h& u> > Effective January 2007 1 L9 l6 Q) S7 m$ @- J> > - z3 ]' W6 n2 B4 \6 E9 @> > Dress Code2 ~! H( q" ?' I
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed % b5 |/ G8 o& ]$ m9 U$ ]> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' a% Q s5 r K" n5 b' [7 g
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 7 Q, h9 R1 z9 `; K. }, i9 R0 F2 g' F6 Z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 \! L; q) E# v$ Y0 r0 e
> > need a pay raise. 6 }3 {8 X& @6 g/ y4 T> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 3 F) l' U% E7 m( f' T1 c9 }> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# q6 X/ C* }3 |3 Z; g0 |8 f8 f
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ s; J2 J4 L: h- H& L& F
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; I5 w9 v" w% H
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* e1 f! V4 q0 u
> > raise.+ h! t! k8 I2 S, P8 U8 h' K
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> > Sick Days, m" k% I! I. K8 }* U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( L3 @- |; h" V( J7 ~
> > proof of sickness. 0 G' H3 |# i4 Q6 t) \> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able ?2 H& o0 I' F; i' S& v% D
> > to come to work.5 b/ M! [. f: t4 D
> > 7 D; i4 Q+ H e( M5 D: N> > Holiday Days$ O: @; q7 A8 r1 e! J( r
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 9 p3 t+ l- H6 ?2 o& D O5 h: u7 g2 }> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.$ A5 ^ y- D: l+ Z* x& Y3 {1 m0 N
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> > Compassionate Leave% ?6 j0 i8 f R) u0 }
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* I& g0 n# f9 r! o1 a2 Y% a- I
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 ]; p( B' a# |& i( D
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- % t. d& R! ^6 P. k> > employees attend to the arrangements.& u6 j* l8 y$ Y' ]1 @
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is 2 b2 C& {) Y: C9 p7 v! i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% _, O1 w% o2 r- a6 K6 }8 h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work " m3 i" t" b/ r- v h) f$ g, [9 y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one $ L0 i4 x) E- _1 H> > hour early. * W+ v' Z) d# K9 c! u4 P; ?> >' X+ E. \5 ^8 p! v" J
> > Toilet Use & `+ ]# I3 }1 n j5 q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the * d2 I& _# j% L4 ] c d7 `2 z( g4 x6 w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ T c- }' E1 G& W9 M
> > in the cubicles. * W) A1 ]3 X* i+ X8 \" I9 m> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 4 q/ Y6 {$ Y# u2 S> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. Q2 d0 o. N0 s. k8 K# s
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) p. h) W2 x" j: T' G
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 2 E m; i: h/ h; P> > posted on the company notice board under the( `% z$ x, v2 d
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. & }8 u: t2 B& T- y* I> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be % g# j" u* I2 W3 o, n6 i> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 S4 R# l7 `" w" M
> > policy. 6 \7 Z X! L* T# g( F) c> ># T3 D5 ]& R4 x2 ~
> > Lunch Break 8 A+ A- x$ s" D4 L4 H; ]> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they % ^$ F8 m$ p9 ]7 y3 h> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 [4 ]( C+ O3 a9 r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 6 R. E9 B0 F! W8 E> > maintain their average figure. ! g' o8 P/ C% J& v/ C; W' c( i> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 a! o' r5 q, \
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. - [2 [. L7 a% O8 N- z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( D/ }3 D& x4 V2 H4 [
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive + s& _- u: p4 S& H* o; ^: K# _! v2 u> > employment experience.2 v' V0 w! R/ v
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 {+ `6 k/ J3 ~+ t
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- d j- V7 m$ X. [: O
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 9 M7 H. V2 z" v> > directed elsewhere.
