To all Employees:# q1 [: ^5 K. N+ S
> > Effective January 20073 q& B, Y# W o
> > ; ^" y E, S2 q) _0 f4 z. f> > Dress Code + u; ^% ]2 L1 I1 x" @) P> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed $ Y4 @' P+ W2 I! T j% `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing + ]0 `# B# C1 F9 I# P3 ^> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 7 q+ b1 c8 h3 q$ x6 u4 n; O. w3 b" E> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 1 f# ?% U' s% ^% }' D! c> > need a pay raise. * }' Q9 z7 c, M3 N' q5 |> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' l. R$ T. D( M; q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer 3 _+ _+ l# a% B/ Q0 M1 C g; S> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 R' q: w7 P ]. k( c; U3 X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- E- r$ G3 S' n$ P9 M+ V! W
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay 2 w% b+ |4 D7 [, N, W" _> > raise. / |, R; y6 }+ ?: q+ x> >: `4 v! K: V6 Q6 B& d
> > Sick Days( r% p; n6 s% w* h
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as* y$ ~' T4 m7 j) F
> > proof of sickness. + ]6 W0 x z/ z# c> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able / w, {3 l/ G& x2 ], G) h> > to come to work.8 Z9 l9 w% p5 V2 P R# K
> > ' k: m/ D& ^& e7 Z! ^0 }> > Holiday Days t/ |- y8 c9 W8 X+ R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a ' o) A9 {8 a6 j9 H2 V! g> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. . W4 A7 \8 w. k6 J' o! z/ R/ z> >8 r# t% n$ s, X B& F
> > Compassionate Leave 7 J7 \, M! ~1 [' ~6 @. H- l2 ]* m2 r> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ F) z9 N9 b) B7 n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 9 g4 \1 y' R2 z3 e> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 4 U3 G2 \5 Y$ n7 N' G0 I4 t# k> > employees attend to the arrangements. 0 e1 b/ \. h* r+ O, ~> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ x& L( }2 w% W. @
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the7 ]" O7 `" U2 o) P6 W1 {1 a
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work ) Z* u# H- e: O. j2 S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one - K( C/ v# z6 l* u9 B8 u c* s2 X> > hour early. - V' E0 N6 O, F+ }2 J> >& S" S8 y- {# r, m( R( e
> > Toilet Use% c" P3 H6 R0 m5 ^& ~
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the 6 F3 d, R8 ~3 r" d$ F> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 7 I% [! `- j2 V> > in the cubicles.7 v# l3 M4 h: P
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 6 b" R- U+ q, |4 v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle / Y9 Q8 F% \. }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( {& `+ F; ^1 G& _. V q
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be / w8 k- H# z& X3 J> > posted on the company notice board under the6 t% ^: q# {6 n5 x u& x
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 1 m o2 S4 q8 i# N* d v" ]3 t7 u: E> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be $ k m ^7 `6 h* |0 `; R> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' p1 }) }7 l3 b( V
> > policy. 4 {( V7 N* i6 j% n/ b6 @) A: i2 L5 O5 U> > " J% u) Q8 w9 X* f: n> > Lunch Break + |. ?$ {# d3 R: \( T> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they ( b$ S0 ?7 ?0 s> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 5 k; _' U+ ^' _7 h1 j( A> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to + d8 Q" B, O% V/ q' }> > maintain their average figure.# L% ]2 e% H* l2 R
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 5 G( ~+ E4 a( R+ _ N> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* B: O- n6 K) N$ ~/ d
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" B8 V1 N5 F2 z+ i; G- P* k
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive \# B" c) i3 T( o> > employment experience. 5 f2 p' S: X: v0 x> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," S0 A& u m* f" b0 s5 [6 T
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 2 k* \! S/ c, l9 e2 o; `> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 9 j" Z! j! f. S1 B0 w( ]2 K> > directed elsewhere.
