To all Employees:: V0 c1 j3 F& O* }3 ^1 u
> > Effective January 2007 + n( Y3 s3 ^# j! z4 W& _& B/ S> > + |7 n) B s: v- G> > Dress Code / e! |+ x' s5 F7 ]5 _$ k% D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# u- l! j7 [9 q# @: a, l# I, h
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing , W, b0 b/ V7 j w> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 7 s l5 e. u0 p> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, v2 ^, J. J8 a; m9 f
> > need a pay raise. v9 z# y/ q& {" l; U4 ^
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage y# q2 I7 E8 b1 b> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 n- `. _! T9 |5 t0 Z# r# k
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 9 f# {0 D: W4 ~> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you h. j* W0 a$ {9 m( Q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay 1 R8 r& A+ L3 p# m) k0 e> > raise. 1 D) i$ @) O9 A- b> > U& N6 P( A9 f1 w; l8 c> > Sick Days , k7 q" x3 l7 ]1 _; x> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as , C! u* V H) ^& l& x> > proof of sickness. ! w5 _& u" R, |0 u( o T0 @8 X! Z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able ; h+ d$ @5 \* q0 S( I6 q9 q2 s> > to come to work.$ [) H7 L U' l$ G' ~; u P1 ~, u3 i- p
> > ' l$ r: Z6 m5 ~5 o> > Holiday Days- Q3 l& \& {; h5 w0 }+ ^* ]
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 1 }7 C+ o$ T9 n/ M8 C8 ~3 a% T> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.8 P- {+ S' ]9 B% U! {& l, h! R6 \
> >/ k) ]* ^9 S2 c& R8 r
> > Compassionate Leave8 l6 l% u. _9 | ?* R9 J+ `
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing / u" w* Y* u* z8 e) B( t$ n+ A$ X> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 9 e) u0 V0 Y; Z1 T4 Y; |# z9 G> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 I, X+ h% t" K5 r1 x
> > employees attend to the arrangements. - w6 U/ v0 N' J2 S> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( W+ W9 v- w: [2 f$ y
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% x/ J6 |$ |) v
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work S" ~) }! G1 i6 e/ w' x6 e; t
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 K9 U/ G6 f/ E3 y! g5 k' }
> > hour early.$ k1 M \0 C& O
> > 4 a1 N, \$ O7 j" A' g, m> > Toilet Use " E* p- m r- d1 X, F! [> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ N2 [' a0 u& V& |
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 7 |, u! M$ _4 b I" f0 L> > in the cubicles. 5 c0 D: c, B6 h6 D l" p- ~* ?0 H: w6 R> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 5 }6 x" w5 G# s> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, r* A2 ?& ^) {4 h- P$ S" U" \1 `3 Z' S( V
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. # P& e( B5 \) }> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be + v& n8 h3 X; u> > posted on the company notice board under the + z. t5 M- H5 w- K' h/ x4 t> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' Y4 X: Q" U7 w+ C- ~
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be ' S1 T- \" B$ h2 t, h> > sanctioned under the company's mental health . H6 [% h7 j# _' g0 b5 W0 C> > policy.* X4 s0 x* U, ]! P/ N9 }
> >8 R0 N! R5 |. |0 W Z7 e/ P
> > Lunch Break 0 s. G" _# M4 B/ w> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they- u+ ~, Z6 H7 Y$ y+ a
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ) ? p$ {( c3 u3 K9 a> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% i/ F' H/ M# \" P' P+ y) B4 E
> > maintain their average figure. : l2 R6 _0 L3 W6 g2 I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time - L! y) w j+ ]9 S h> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 7 K3 n5 g* a. h5 n" z: Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are " Q- H& S, P* ~% B4 ^" `. T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 T5 w% H' T- s1 t, {- ]6 N5 j
> > employment experience.. q' q) U) _& s, G! }
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 0 w0 p$ f# v5 w> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, / T% H+ \" W5 Y; l" \8 A> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 }; E! {6 u) i' U
> > directed elsewhere.
