To all Employees:0 z9 f+ z7 }$ ?, Y: t
> > Effective January 2007 - R4 H+ g5 H0 |* {; Q- y5 Q> >: \! k! o# {- q8 S3 N
> > Dress Code3 y7 Y. W. R' F9 m" n5 C
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 P% o, {. k& m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing, K" ^9 i- L& a: z/ v+ m
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume & M, z8 c" w' D" M2 w, S> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. Q: v8 L, }2 D6 D4 ]/ ?
> > need a pay raise.9 b: X! F" H& n) z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage * r( _, {) N, L! K> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ) j' Q! `- ?7 a4 I- s/ F4 x/ M% ~> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 O x( `( x! B2 U. J1 t. A4 e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you + `9 K% x' X9 P! k> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 N! [, Q. R% `& B/ z) _! B
> > raise. & ?8 i8 a* u$ Z/ T; H W> > / d5 `- B$ R+ n. [% |> > Sick Days1 }' X3 T+ v; I$ C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as q7 a, m- u% y; x+ [4 _! ?: v
> > proof of sickness. % K+ e8 X+ L4 s) c: U- L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able 3 b& {) j, i& M$ q) R Z8 z2 ]> > to come to work. & k6 g% u" e( \> >. }! }. u* t) J4 D
> > Holiday Days / Y, C5 i% J& X- z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 0 {8 O6 \3 V- g! d! _9 y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. - I/ [! n. F$ \# u# D* T> >" p; c% U- L( ]" f
> > Compassionate Leave ( \6 `0 z u+ h- r J> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# b) C$ B5 y T# y( `6 a5 v' v) \6 g% }! v
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; U7 @7 S& T h; K1 @! v9 h6 w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-4 L% l+ N; m; M) L9 N/ n
> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 w" _8 H/ A" n
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is * H h7 a4 o) J> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 0 E" j: \7 M: C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work * G& b4 k- j% X3 X }: O> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; N. t9 A' w0 v3 J; C
> > hour early. $ z! |% p6 j2 v2 _> ># f2 I* c# r+ e) k, \2 }. a* e2 i G
> > Toilet Use , z0 U8 {2 A6 P$ l; c! W, `0 o> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& q; H2 W. v" i% a" e' }
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 _9 O# P. G2 o: { p# d4 u
> > in the cubicles. 8 T( A( m0 d' g( c+ O3 K> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will S& U- ^$ v. C9 ], h4 u6 t+ I! B
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% x" e$ ]5 W2 E" b' T& K2 A, x C
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. , j$ e! Z) A) v! y9 ]2 a* d, l* h1 G* w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* M5 I, g4 ~& U" e2 u5 r
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 O0 D+ g$ O2 N8 E
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. : m# d/ D. _, V2 T> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be ) j% z3 h+ U: w" S& Q5 U) q4 L- o> > sanctioned under the company's mental health % Y# y% [ t' g% q; S; b> > policy. ! L, I3 }4 k5 A9 X0 G* W/ m1 `> > 6 D) B4 { `. t; ?, S/ L. ~> > Lunch Break0 Z! |1 v4 C! M6 h, N4 o" }
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! K" K/ _: V9 ?! P1 r
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* r0 J# e# y& ?1 B$ ?9 t) U/ N a5 Q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( Y( s7 ]8 a1 k
> > maintain their average figure.- P3 o( w" H7 x5 i# R. ?2 N% Z4 x
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) ?( t% ?$ \# h
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* b- z4 r) y& S9 V/ \4 p- Y7 U) C) N
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are [/ V* w0 H' w: Z4 T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive 5 H: i3 d& V/ }. c+ @> > employment experience. 4 X3 A+ h2 S$ T' o% q> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 r6 M) m0 b2 M/ N; |2 J, |
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, ' ]* ^& @7 u9 H3 H4 W6 h6 u# k s> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be ; T7 ^# }/ Z6 m5 T6 _> > directed elsewhere.
