To all Employees: % _; G( n: A6 i! @* e9 b5 ]> > Effective January 2007" z; b/ M) s$ I' z8 G* t
> > / ]9 g; v: k$ {. ]# t, L> > Dress Code 5 a% m" Q. k0 Q0 H> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed # O0 `, I- [: P1 A8 Z- I. t> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 8 a8 }" o2 ?, e( r1 @$ [( l2 u> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 9 \9 ^& ?9 o2 _/ I% s> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ i1 ^- |3 V2 m
> > need a pay raise. $ U( H/ E4 Z' ^! {6 |8 C5 @/ o> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, J( H4 {9 w; E5 `* ?0 w
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ) O( z; i) K, ~5 f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.& E5 }$ t8 S' G. y9 e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you x, Q. @% ^$ @
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay 5 a' U# r) E8 d/ V& Y5 c> > raise. $ J* q4 I( y# e/ \4 ?" E> >8 o0 P4 C) V& |" q" U z2 k' b
> > Sick Days* p, H6 R- k! k
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as 1 Y, D# `# N9 E3 g> > proof of sickness. 8 l1 g% `2 H% Z2 j% C> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! O; }0 p# |0 a2 b' n
> > to come to work.+ ?2 Q& |' X/ C% I# l
> >! M7 K, i/ j6 F8 y- p7 C
> > Holiday Days % t, k+ |7 \! q2 D# D; W0 K* u6 Y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a, @* v$ L0 o2 w5 t) j
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. . i% c) @- X- B> > 1 v, M& C: v, B! U& a; G* V> > Compassionate Leave 2 y8 Y5 C& ^+ Z- O& e U> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing + c9 O) W) F% a1 v+ L# D> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- & t3 V% K9 ?# L" K1 h- _> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-4 u' h- G' |3 o3 D3 G1 w2 ]
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; n) `3 \# @" m9 a# L
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 K' \6 ]+ H; y5 G
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! n; W$ E$ B# P: i$ ^, {- g; h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- b0 u/ A/ S( Z$ }7 t" V+ C# H3 a- E
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 f9 `$ Q k) Z9 d4 ^
> > hour early.6 ?4 x, N8 Z* k4 R. x
> >: W L6 @8 c1 j/ Q+ A
> > Toilet Use / L3 G( l0 X& [5 r Y5 u, z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the , [. w& y+ n4 O> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 \3 Q' h1 b& t: l0 K ?
> > in the cubicles.+ a9 A4 d& [% I, ?4 i
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will m! U( t* ^$ o0 D1 \> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! W2 p' z$ c! L
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. ) l/ P4 E+ v" k> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) g( M4 _" S( o1 E9 \2 J$ H
> > posted on the company notice board under the $ k: f% d" X2 t* }6 H7 w> > "Chronic Offenders" category. # l% [; H2 @8 M/ @) d/ u> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be , r4 w/ t* _( d# L' c> > sanctioned under the company's mental health4 D4 c" I, A" t% J8 X! q @
> > policy. % _3 h5 }2 x& @3 v# m$ J> > ) E" w; S' C. L& |, p1 I> > Lunch Break i1 q$ `2 L7 o
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they ( B" ]* H: d1 b3 o8 {- d( ?> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ; o( e! o- O/ a0 N+ V3 d/ V, F> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 B5 J7 d* m7 U$ u6 ?$ G2 t! G, n4 B
> > maintain their average figure.) i& K: C( c4 z0 u
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time / K2 f6 K' t* z4 Q# }> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 8 P4 Z. ` j8 q0 Z8 o; F6 D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are 2 [ e2 C5 ~& u. A$ U> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive L; }& N: j+ P- u: i> > employment experience. . _5 }8 U/ \+ w( k6 {7 N" V! I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, * g, e- v7 [$ A6 Z) U' k> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 1 ]/ z) L7 i, V0 d" N @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( p3 V# ~; Z- Y$ M
> > directed elsewhere.
