To all Employees:1 j; K, a' f' @4 |( ?. r
> > Effective January 2007 1 P, e9 v" o% L. T> >: p) {- k } Z
> > Dress Code0 @2 n5 X' M! c" h0 S0 D/ G9 A
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 b% d' x6 A$ h& E# N! e6 k
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 ~9 Z, u6 \* L
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( F2 x- C3 u2 H& V1 }% F
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) v) A. H+ S' Y1 b+ m; \
> > need a pay raise. 5 K* U/ o3 C8 _> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- a0 w$ S5 l0 R' V5 b8 d
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 o3 z' b; L; l- q4 S8 U' N
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 8 W0 _2 S e! E0 u! ^> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 i2 W) h( Q: q. \* B
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- C& q Y& [" }
> > raise.6 U5 U$ @" y6 u. t
> >5 P6 z% j* J2 ` J& I
> > Sick Days 3 ]( o5 |+ J8 b' G2 }0 R> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as ; t3 b. \2 {8 \# h9 S5 x) I> > proof of sickness.- e/ T0 y8 d2 I1 [# M4 m
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able6 D& R4 ~+ g: b5 `
> > to come to work. 5 j+ a( l8 G& x% d# p3 l> > , C: g, e( b/ w+ @2 @, h> > Holiday Days, _- p8 ], f7 u
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 2 m$ c' a1 ]! m7 @; w7 s> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. # B/ \% f* W- k! ~* A! r; {> >) R7 |) m8 x, k, v& E/ i4 e
> > Compassionate Leave * H' P1 f9 j2 h+ J6 x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing ! w) R- T) b4 D# Y0 F% U> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& t$ n! T! ^6 U3 s
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& g/ a4 v5 h7 w$ Z( [
> > employees attend to the arrangements./ Y( v9 N) U1 m% u3 v! w9 b
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 L5 y" K4 i p$ w' b5 u1 f8 \
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! t% T0 ~1 E) w5 B) o$ N- Y2 h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work7 Q7 V0 \- \- H3 e2 ?! B ]- i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# v, o5 k$ R" p) k- l: M
> > hour early. c2 d+ X7 X$ S5 a" E( O& E4 u> >9 x" }' o& G9 j* D) [
> > Toilet Use 7 n+ {+ D3 b5 d! W/ D> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ i5 @ v1 C7 T/ U, O( T. I! p
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 3 g' E! |: V9 F9 @9 l> > in the cubicles." a" z+ l0 ~3 _: O4 M6 Y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will4 |8 [0 \" A3 X! v
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle F" a* a" {, }. a: D' H3 k> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. . _1 Y: ` m' E& j5 _ m> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" c% t9 y5 j. U; E! c
> > posted on the company notice board under the - T* `) J# p7 p8 Y( ^% h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& E j5 D, r( T
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be 0 v% V) }( R0 ^0 v) R> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 7 |/ T5 e! L5 k( V( I- `> > policy. 8 F* p# U- z3 F0 N7 O> >2 x$ U; g# w) v4 z& z
> > Lunch Break+ R. \' {5 }) C, R
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they 0 V0 A$ b3 z) Q7 g> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- @0 _' m) N' K' c) ^+ E
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ x! D/ ^7 d7 D! |5 q0 A
> > maintain their average figure. . ? L* W# j& C* e5 Y/ _) o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 5 v2 g) F9 }+ O3 K( [: X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. & ~, w9 H2 K' k' U; ~( \> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, l' J( k4 s2 S* a
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive ' ]: B8 c# c1 I, o, {> > employment experience./ g" z8 ?' O" t: H/ M% y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 z5 C' g; k9 l- B* j6 \7 O/ U
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 J8 I% u2 p1 _
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be" j/ a; a$ H4 \# ~- V9 L
> > directed elsewhere.
