To all Employees: : K1 E% |, \1 j# B> > Effective January 2007 : H& e4 i- |( M. S' K> >. p* ~9 D/ V/ Z9 _( c
> > Dress Code1 U* ?+ z2 y( c
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, E; `7 j1 R/ K& a
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& r/ |/ |, G/ U2 |: S' F% O' V
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume6 M0 A: h! D* L8 w
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not " u& s) V- ]. L- a4 |; W6 M' a> > need a pay raise.5 a+ I2 X% S! [2 S9 y) V
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 X) A4 y# o0 h9 D$ m5 B6 f
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, h% m% P# \1 t( C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! g/ ^7 J x+ L# S6 ^. i/ ?
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you X- T# h# F3 T8 @( l# ~" z5 H/ h
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay 3 Y* U' A* K1 m" h( D2 x$ b> > raise. 9 T) Q8 @' G$ Y" L> > 8 T7 E9 H0 f$ P) S> > Sick Days5 W f7 w- s2 |2 C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! _( H4 _* K5 }. c: e
> > proof of sickness. - K7 u" ]% W1 [0 Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ B' C; K! z* ~, E2 c
> > to come to work.# M. K7 s7 e9 E5 L" ]
> > & K& t, C0 a# a! J) I' `> > Holiday Days 8 b0 W+ L' r3 S8 m5 n> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a ; l {. T1 a D D" A3 ]> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: |5 J7 q& q- z6 e
> >" `2 `8 n* Z, S% b" K5 E9 }5 F
> > Compassionate Leave % e& }+ z* T' B/ N2 |> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 J& ?, _0 W3 @- g0 P7 r& u) W
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- ) F( {: b1 Z' h. x. q$ |> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-* d- Z7 R8 _$ p/ Q" V2 t
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; T! m- M6 T* v! Z6 [2 t: E9 a) w& |
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is ! |3 t1 I" ^' i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the ) T5 l, m; f: w3 V8 `% i> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work ) f" v+ E( t) ]5 i) U1 }* w5 k1 h> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& ]) W7 i% T% e9 [ |. g3 y7 D
> > hour early. 0 P- X% `3 A3 V4 [# L5 Z) [& e> > # X' s. k5 [# F, o; c5 a> > Toilet Use& H+ ]+ y C: l+ W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the - U. H% w3 O9 \. C4 Q7 _$ R W> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit : G1 q c1 l9 i> > in the cubicles.1 `4 p0 l' `) }2 A
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will# T9 b! ~# u1 z5 J
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 M6 @1 r$ v5 n
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 0 f, @8 c- G4 w1 `+ A4 u: z: } J> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 1 ?% |$ A2 g$ m; H$ z3 h" x> > posted on the company notice board under the . \( ?' k3 d0 w k f' o' q; {0 F; }> > "Chronic Offenders" category. ; }0 q) g Q& f4 j0 H' A' c> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ h. \7 ~2 R1 N% D. e0 g
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! ^; q$ y3 {' r: c A# _
> > policy. 0 \* z$ s3 ^; R9 L' L) l6 J/ P> >% Q' K: c L# h1 A7 A
> > Lunch Break {/ G. \6 |; Q" h. t5 `> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they , t3 v# i) z7 L+ ^8 d+ E( W$ J> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' C1 H! M; m0 `) |3 P* |3 A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to : M! T/ o0 P( v3 y* u1 a1 ]6 d& n> > maintain their average figure.3 @7 l" a) B& L* w7 ~
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time / a( c5 q. L3 M, T> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 j! V' `$ b7 I _5 Z8 c
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) N+ r% R1 g! Z; {( ^+ @
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 L6 l' ]0 i; Y+ U! n
> > employment experience.% U9 Z& Z4 j3 _. @( Z6 W n! A( s& p
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% c) F' r. P. e: N2 E+ J1 d7 f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 \1 \ y% _3 B) p% a5 w
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 7 {+ x' ^, y2 ~6 S> > directed elsewhere.
