To all Employees: ! l0 ?8 [% s5 i1 J> > Effective January 20079 `% I4 I) b5 J- [( I1 R, `
> > ( `; f( P/ D/ O- P> > Dress Code + F( T1 i ]9 s" a" P, M/ i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed # q2 Y7 f5 |* P5 p> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ J$ S+ n$ \4 ?0 q$ j
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume! F$ e1 W$ H: s6 ]
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 [: o1 v X2 }: |+ F. ^
> > need a pay raise. $ i/ n0 n8 r6 _( R6 N0 ^) ]4 l> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& \$ Z9 l2 v: w5 u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer 0 P8 }# A, o; n) M3 d, I> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 8 E, ^7 y4 G4 o8 c8 _8 x> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you 4 ]$ U4 U3 r" X6 p8 C+ }$ X0 k> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ' r! ^1 H! B; h> > raise. 8 i$ @& g& H; H/ f9 C' I> > & K W% j; Z z5 ?3 Q> > Sick Days 9 d0 g) i$ |: j! L! R0 d> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" q' o0 h' ?9 `0 @% M* ~4 e+ f: h" p
> > proof of sickness.& ^$ b3 f# t7 I! G a, X/ X0 L
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able # L" Y% w7 b o( k> > to come to work.( Y$ T3 Y9 ^0 m8 ?* u D! `
> >: m. Q4 g! | c( I8 ` q
> > Holiday Days 9 d, J) B {7 U; S> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 d7 }: _8 J* U6 y: t
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., N1 M+ M% A- @
> > 8 q' @2 }0 W. _> > Compassionate Leave9 Y3 p5 ^( f: ]/ i- n O. ]( r& _9 e
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing # X) D1 E+ R5 f) r6 v4 a> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 9 j$ ]# a2 B2 o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- ) M% T% B5 }9 J7 ?, M5 E> > employees attend to the arrangements.% b' W" G' f% `( h& N
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& D/ L4 m( a7 L- y" B* ]' k) \; Z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the $ K9 _$ Q' \5 @4 {$ e- b> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work 2 |& r' U: j1 e: |+ O8 S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 n+ r; k; C0 l1 Y3 W
> > hour early. 1 c) v" f n5 B) l% s9 @- l5 ~$ e> > % X2 V; B* @& ~' H> > Toilet Use ; G+ v' ~3 I) o> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 L6 [2 E6 g. h, b9 c1 A6 ?
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit - H5 X5 z1 l/ S0 J> > in the cubicles. 9 d+ ^1 D; H6 k( p> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 8 B$ s6 @+ _8 H" d% c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle ]/ h8 o6 H' k# B& s" k1 T3 P> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. , b* e7 g6 M) _0 b$ y9 x; L. r$ o, b3 X/ u> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" Z) N# V* \$ s. @! e* t G3 O% c
> > posted on the company notice board under the# n% J8 n# E: N- j1 ~6 H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* R8 e" j1 B& `, k' R9 W
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, ^& w0 Z \% n# y' k% v: d
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 x' \1 S7 m- U( i8 j
> > policy.2 Z! T7 g( |5 t* W) g! `
> >5 H7 j$ X" A* e9 P! K9 g
> > Lunch Break / j5 _$ ?) v8 I2 L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they 7 R' e4 p# s0 x4 j> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: b* v6 Z+ T6 N% U& l H6 o" m$ U2 K9 E
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 G$ F9 J1 U! i
> > maintain their average figure.) T j: E3 P. l6 ?8 U2 ?" Q4 ~6 f
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 s1 f6 |5 j( d% r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 }/ R: {7 v* Y7 @! s7 ]! U6 _
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are$ ~8 S3 a* H" [$ G1 }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ k0 K& N9 r* p8 o
> > employment experience. 8 _9 C c1 K8 J( h> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 O; ?% R1 ?5 [! v9 @* w: P( z- z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; V0 {& p$ s' T) V0 P
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be - K7 q1 V: @ f/ O, D> > directed elsewhere.
