To all Employees: 5 z9 u- L5 R5 d1 F' D> > Effective January 2007! Y$ S7 `) _6 g* W) D
> >+ I; p' ?$ z W9 |4 ^
> > Dress Code 4 [5 l/ H/ L9 k, C/ b' `3 j3 J# d> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- x7 L' T# W, R4 w
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 2 t) p l. Y# D3 o' n> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume2 C% {: X& X4 G+ }7 A/ v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not 4 x4 b! [1 T; M# T% P> > need a pay raise.) f2 v$ _' {( Q0 b- y: U# S4 u; u
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage( i n. r7 J, z+ z% s% ]2 D
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer : ?: {! q/ D$ M* K0 u> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 5 P& m) U1 }: Q* f> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you . _1 g! W% L4 e9 u+ @2 ^: U d7 q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay % B; G: T/ Q$ X) b L9 n/ K! w5 u- o> > raise. & j3 \( Q& t2 `% K2 u> >5 x. `- G3 h4 Z% K
> > Sick Days) b( U( P4 L1 u
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as : v5 f, K; M" t7 i> > proof of sickness.1 X. r V+ O, _8 j |
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' Y Z5 j& K8 ~$ p. F
> > to come to work. 1 A$ a6 _3 D0 B a4 [( M' Y+ d> >% ` R( A1 u" B6 C$ W ]( U
> > Holiday Days $ }$ Y$ a+ M+ L! M- W3 g" g> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 g& T: x3 n0 \+ w' p" q4 Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. $ r7 `# D5 |/ c6 J( x" e% O6 H* o; L> > : q& @9 h' Z; Q$ ^ [> > Compassionate Leave( H; G7 S+ F0 n1 ]) c
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% c2 P; z% l0 { y# E: j
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) L; E* n4 r( _% i) q6 w/ g
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) C& a& c [& o7 n5 j2 f0 i
> > employees attend to the arrangements. + t2 u4 @7 f& L3 `1 c1 {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* m% j; Z! P* M+ {
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 5 g2 r2 Y# n, M> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, a6 X2 Z/ {8 v: N3 }
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 8 I6 p& X' q2 @4 C# P> > hour early. . m5 Z- M e, Y. \2 F" o2 _6 z3 I> >5 {8 e9 @! g' v# n* N
> > Toilet Use 4 ~" ?3 s( p$ R# @> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the v9 W: `5 f$ q8 \> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit $ Q( G$ D3 Z. _; y> > in the cubicles.4 U z, s& j( s [' F
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will / m7 M9 P' e z T9 P> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, e M3 m2 F8 N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( x, ^5 N1 H, z3 N3 H/ ^! l
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 t2 s% ~% u/ N" H+ [7 s) r1 K2 _, `
> > posted on the company notice board under the # n, v1 k* t/ k; p! @1 P> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 1 K7 c" t2 g. V3 U7 g. [, V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. ? w0 a' Y' @0 l1 j2 J7 b% k* M* j
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ H( F6 f# y# o" y1 C1 x
> > policy. & A9 j: o' }/ I2 A, D> > " r) K0 J. [2 W- j6 y/ T+ n> > Lunch Break * A! S) M5 s2 L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( M- ]$ |" j9 U# D4 e
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. + M# @. l1 E* ]6 Q( t9 d0 Q. W; i> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to * R3 ^8 B4 D0 q7 j$ \# Q% J> > maintain their average figure. 2 z9 S+ T0 R: z7 u7 @4 m: A @/ i> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& L$ \# Y, r* g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 7 l J. r, `! m d8 t6 O' E! l> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are - M0 z3 S: M( h& M/ T; O> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive 1 u; x' } W% R8 G/ X> > employment experience.! z4 z) `8 Q9 M) T
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, % ?- v h1 @4 O& g+ q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) C$ Y$ Q+ z/ d4 [* O2 K# ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be & N% B/ w( m. t8 B> > directed elsewhere.
