HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 N0 z+ \: {! A$ y$ V' [1 Z
> >                     Effective January 2007
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; _  s" A9 V+ s! p" b8 H  C> > Dress Code
$ n  d( ]  t+ \7 l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed$ \- o/ t# [) D) R
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ }+ [0 P9 S# w# ^" J; L> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& I+ j3 T$ G9 D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( c- \( N9 z; n9 T' k# d* t> > need a pay raise.
1 Q( H2 s( z+ a( O7 f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 |. Q3 G$ U" Q8 [2 g* E7 k$ D8 ~> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ v3 K& a! x1 P: t- {> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 t. F8 \0 u, [
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 F4 o3 o  I) f7 ]) ]% y) J
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  d2 n( w" C, I- n# G& X! a& C7 o: U> > raise.0 w: W  @: ~  h  e+ s" Z
> >
1 n, f4 u3 K! `! M7 Q4 W> > Sick Days" d: k* l% z" k
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& H. b, l( W# P( e> > proof of sickness.$ L, J& O7 x' E3 ]# b! A/ q# _
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ Q0 q5 X2 g9 S7 Z2 w' C
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
  q5 J; b- V6 m' Z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# e" x8 n' D" p* ^
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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. x% {) O0 U( s) b6 c  b> > Compassionate Leave+ a/ y/ T6 f4 _8 k! y% s4 i
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ A% e3 {" N* E* x' X6 P" [: M9 a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 K! f9 @. c/ \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ @# s: g  T# U> > employees attend to the arrangements.' O: V7 t% `; P$ q) j0 j
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 c" E( V; H6 Z* S8 ~. k: r3 f6 X> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" W) r, g7 i1 C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 E; l' H2 X+ F+ T* Q- t
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 ^, R5 t' ^3 }8 C> > hour early.7 r, K6 \- J7 R7 w$ w
> >
, A1 W: ^- C6 S, F> > Toilet Use' b8 b6 V3 W- O7 u# x7 p
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 s5 b( M; [, z2 p5 N7 y4 k
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
% P. Q" T9 b; b7 \3 r> > in the cubicles.
& c% v) D  N" v. F# ~6 i0 ?> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will4 ]( O, G& c$ i: [; t# r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( `% L4 H7 ^8 r8 }, e" [
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' ^1 ~3 ?, h. w4 d2 B# D( P2 c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% b3 h# h! `7 ]* i1 G
> > posted on the company notice board under the
: P2 ?2 }; O+ l# Q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: F5 W  E" m3 l8 v( N% g7 h> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& e- r" m# B' J  e0 y. n2 C> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- F, x4 K1 G5 n# `
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break6 G, n( ]9 p" b. ^/ J4 s
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, V; k8 y2 u& B' A
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- ]. J, d$ r9 I+ L# _4 l" l" y! ^
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
# l2 i0 Y& I4 g4 M7 U+ [. e  g- l> > maintain their average figure.
1 A; V2 T, z2 r8 a9 u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time- K% K+ u, G  z9 d! C$ y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, L$ Z! J" a' h4 D  H6 d> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( e8 m0 O! G: }+ \$ o8 W3 X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! I6 T; X9 o: v5 N# G# S> > employment experience.
9 M- r* x, h0 V/ g> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: ~2 p6 R, V! k; n& j; }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 }& |! s5 ~' x> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 C1 a* e6 Z7 @/ t& w) F> > directed elsewhere.