HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
2 H. n( R: n& `0 q0 M> >                     Effective January 2007
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& w: [8 }* p  N) `# n! n8 G7 @- z> > Dress Code
# I9 m* ?  H$ P# d8 y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- X, g9 U3 F% M8 G3 |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 N# N5 Z) o. w6 @* X! p4 G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 ]" `+ A  I7 G* T2 h) U
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  U8 u2 _) i+ V
> > need a pay raise.
' @) m4 @: A! n, U7 c> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. J/ B- P2 ?: C3 U6 \
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 p6 b5 J3 {; G9 W( P5 P0 w
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* }# V" A1 b! Z$ E> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- e' Y$ U4 _, v
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 @' _# N0 B# V) k1 H5 s> > raise.
1 W1 u- W- r+ V: p0 E" v> >
. X* G+ X; K6 B6 G0 v( L0 T> > Sick Days% H/ V9 `9 n+ U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ A$ I6 T, T: l5 T* r> > proof of sickness.: O) P* f, m/ x- t8 T
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 L- a1 F  h6 b/ [. P+ \- T/ t> > to come to work.
9 T8 B1 y. p2 S* S: }> >
2 E" b( `7 |* ?, l3 }5 F$ k> > Holiday Days) D. V& w- E) s, m! r7 c
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# `5 d, L+ ?1 t3 H4 g2 D: ]4 B
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ n7 b5 r( f# r* ?  n
> >" z0 {0 |# |$ L4 L
> > Compassionate Leave
( H8 C0 ]9 Q) O  k& t: b* ~> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 y7 {( @$ L1 m6 L6 e; |
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" f5 [$ `, P+ i9 P* @: f> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
9 r: D) d' y$ K! `( J3 K' S> > employees attend to the arrangements., i6 ~% \, j1 U2 q6 C" S7 b6 w
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 z+ _* d+ d: o> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, M- E; o6 W% Z3 {& S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 _8 L/ x- n8 q5 |6 d( j: y
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ r6 R0 ~, y1 h# ~- A> > hour early.9 P4 r- @6 C( N$ Y/ K9 @# R& Y
> >
  o) Q6 ^7 a- o0 o> > Toilet Use
  T; j, U* f& H7 c" h  j* d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 z) h$ L9 k" D& D* b7 l
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ K! g1 {  |& b> > in the cubicles.
1 d" k: v- Z0 f8 t# B6 Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, `; d5 E- Q4 e/ U; k  ~> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! b7 i1 ]$ Z2 l* Y+ D> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 q+ t8 L& D) D: q; ^9 h, b
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ x" d( g8 `, G" ?> > posted on the company notice board under the' ]) `3 z+ [2 d$ q9 g$ Q" h3 n
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
& e5 i; J1 V- P1 B> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) J; p5 V5 X# F$ s$ w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 x! p3 U! ?/ w4 A8 r> > policy.
. c* {8 \$ f! f, {: T5 A> >
1 Q, Y- ]! ?5 [! S" `7 ]* o% p> > Lunch Break
9 b* k) \# L8 L  Y, o! k9 m5 s* L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- b! p- n& F# t# I> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 I6 {* V, s2 W> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' b2 D& q0 u6 k* H
> > maintain their average figure.' c3 z5 D. M( `. J3 D0 A, Z+ |
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) J# }& r* @1 }0 W! @# o" k- _
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& l1 U" X% V4 R. {> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 ?0 h( r- c# [' c; z% O
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" \  G$ l$ L. ~" k: t6 z
> > employment experience.
! @/ k3 y- N  X) }/ g> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  J2 |+ X1 V% S0 t4 r> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. d) l& ~1 [) e8 c9 X> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; N; D6 e6 P. {5 s: X0 z- S
> > directed elsewhere.