HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 @( H8 i3 J' ~" W  U4 w> >                     Effective January 2007
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+ y0 B) L; Q* ?* F4 g8 E> > Dress Code- O$ X+ u8 T* h) k: L# Y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* S) y2 ?: @7 ?. B  |> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: f' J, {3 _7 W" k/ A; P- A& P1 G
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' q: T) H) |9 v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. {" v8 s# w* H$ y7 F! @
> > need a pay raise." ]  ^+ d' d+ o# z$ U
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% n3 z" |6 n1 A9 f) K. S> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. t5 m9 ~6 u0 |/ f3 b> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% F6 j" w8 q! U( t> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 j5 N1 \" p: C2 \+ V
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! f/ h* ~* t! p  [( X) O2 [4 R
> > raise.  f) H3 u7 L% p
> >
& V; g0 z$ X9 b5 X> > Sick Days6 o' W  S' ^! e# Z) M. D( Y) ?
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: s# }7 F2 x) y
> > proof of sickness.
  t7 Z' a! `1 f$ V8 q7 ~> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: W, S1 v9 Y4 k6 k8 F, P
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
, \& ]7 ?# K0 M+ ?> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- M7 e7 V  i* K  A1 q. M' s8 y
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., B8 m" }& z( f4 i" q) V" s
> >
0 O! {6 b# k( h8 a* i, R5 n> > Compassionate Leave
/ m7 Q8 t( _7 W+ P5 q9 f> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ v& @6 m2 _/ t; L# u: {9 w9 [" I$ b
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 }3 ?) ~% u0 d9 t/ M> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! F- u1 p  L% m0 O9 Y. d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
! Z* T! q5 F* }9 ^* I, ~6 _% A> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 s. J0 l6 h  Z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 \. R' a. P4 z1 h0 V: S> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) I2 A% k5 @5 D4 d% h
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# A% S5 ^  o! |" Y
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use' S  E' p' @0 D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 ^! {- X4 \' a: p; r, d> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 g& x/ N" w' T6 v% v  B
> > in the cubicles.
- h- Q8 l' ~% l> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 {2 g' W  ?' f$ S> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 R& q. N! \' i6 @! S
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 z8 [2 }0 e0 Y, E
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! {. w4 `6 _# h0 F3 Y8 j% }> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 n3 r$ u2 i" o8 N+ y0 |> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 `- a+ O( X# B' M  a> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ f' Z9 h/ V# K
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 v4 ^: ?9 o8 }> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break* K0 `, P! l3 x6 J: J3 E3 B2 H
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ q3 q9 T& a5 j$ S9 D> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) d& F5 Y/ V% C) M2 Q3 Z! T
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 y" z" u2 d5 E( M5 U
> > maintain their average figure.
3 I: Q( e  B" ^/ d* M( ]> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time+ @4 P/ d% u' U/ K
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& s% s1 q: l4 z2 t& G" a% o> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# V6 \- V9 y: `; v, \# o4 s> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 B! E) v" T& r: s3 e& c
> > employment experience.
4 [1 P4 r3 i$ F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," `( a" b' b! Z# f6 e8 J; p
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- X5 T' F0 T6 J( ?3 Z5 D> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 R5 F2 V% a9 X  s- o8 r8 s  c
> > directed elsewhere.