HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( s# A' J" S' o. E8 |( O# H
> >                     Effective January 2007; @+ @+ e$ U  S+ F% r$ z1 c
> >
/ \. v/ a" n. n  `' w  _& R' v> > Dress Code4 O5 j2 U; p- `. o/ C7 f
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ R4 `# T$ O6 }% `0 [& A8 v> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( Z- s& [% c0 T
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 K8 x4 p7 g( U9 E' \0 _$ c9 L" |/ [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% b8 h7 C9 S7 B
> > need a pay raise.
! l3 v" _' k' ^) a9 G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' z" V, Y2 ^- n  c/ E2 Z! R( F. w> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, [4 q& g; R+ S, a  [6 ~* {
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." o4 A* p7 s: P) C6 `7 G
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: Y" t/ q# \+ G* y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# `! {' b0 b$ `( o! k> > raise.
# ~" N. S0 N- }; p> >
- K. a7 }( u# A6 {$ N9 C& @> > Sick Days
5 _2 q( S) N( h6 ^: P6 i> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ W$ l+ I9 ]' ?% z$ T/ H
> > proof of sickness.
$ n, @+ h7 o7 c9 O> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" L5 o% c9 [: J> > to come to work.: e  e  V1 o& T) b1 L* t
> >& m7 \/ Y/ w% Z, E' h
> > Holiday Days. m* x; Q7 @7 z% N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: c7 C5 a$ n& h3 C) t: O
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
. ~( t+ R/ ^* S) X+ w2 Z, p  [> >
6 m4 f8 F. B& [2 p* t& O4 L> > Compassionate Leave
4 p6 w6 ?( \- _> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 k" \+ P$ ?# }+ w% P3 n" _> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, e+ c0 U2 H7 X- S0 \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: u- {, S+ x5 E$ F
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( b; K; U9 q  c9 d: C> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! j* S* e9 v- T: ~* p1 I
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: A' h8 _: Z5 U+ h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 c1 Y# X, v# @, V, W> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 T. E2 f) j& T/ o2 M
> > hour early.
. [1 z) v; `0 n( H" u> >  m6 g2 v& P/ u6 p' I( j: j" y6 d
> > Toilet Use
. O6 P0 R0 T! n> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 i5 S' R% E- {> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit( g, e0 i1 A1 W( O
> > in the cubicles.. h7 I  p* v# e& X
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 l7 M: ]" m: ?: d( J7 ~) d1 g! T8 ^> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! K" L' B0 ~& w0 J: U+ n- o. U> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) R- P$ |4 j6 M2 S' G* ^2 P0 R
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& B6 y1 r! {: y( a/ n# l> > posted on the company notice board under the5 B1 m2 x5 |8 c, t$ {
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 ]$ t8 A: v& A
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ ?# `! {: ?" J$ K* ?6 I
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 t0 ?3 J9 u; x' A9 W' r> > policy.5 K, s  G1 v! e- c; F
> >
! R6 I. z2 a4 b% H& {: @3 B0 Q" N> > Lunch Break
- q( |, @, m8 R. _0 o> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& _( ?& ]9 f9 T8 M
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 `2 `- \1 H; [- A4 a. A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) y0 X& I$ L9 [5 E8 K/ q9 T. p* k  z0 ]- [> > maintain their average figure.
7 p; J5 [! f9 a6 L/ H: p1 ]5 M' L& Q. w> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
) {* P, K1 c7 a6 l> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! f3 F) ]+ N0 Y+ X: n8 N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: {8 p; Z! C0 B( X3 J8 N4 Y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 K$ P% G1 f0 s. }
> > employment experience.
  B3 I) V5 c  q> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
9 G' i! V; u, R> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 b9 |9 Q7 R9 D. F+ F
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. ~! Q! @& Q7 T8 s3 @5 l7 y5 x> > directed elsewhere.