HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ O2 k( ~& Z: t* f+ R7 `4 ^> >                     Effective January 2007
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( Q6 _0 R; Q- |$ G' Q> > Dress Code/ o7 s/ {3 l6 m* q5 t0 M
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed$ D0 ~' p: ?. \4 o
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: v7 z! Z" n' E1 U5 U> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" X1 m+ b' g1 j+ p. J2 T& V! K# ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- E7 B( b# k( }, b( l0 w> > need a pay raise.
0 z, X, i% E: e, o: q  D> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 O% ]2 g3 Y; m& ~2 [0 Q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 m; b! ]6 U- F> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: ^% @$ A; R$ g$ O( S. J: X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& I7 l+ Q- j/ N8 F, H> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
, ~# C# Y- J+ F1 @- F8 k> > raise.
# B: L$ w  S& O8 o8 \: F> >( x" C, Q: O0 ?: X1 k
> > Sick Days$ {* x  A/ B! d+ `$ P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- C( m0 k  X3 G) i
> > proof of sickness.
( g1 H/ I$ V) {2 k> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
& B4 W( M& \/ d# b$ Y% x8 E> > to come to work.. ~$ f( e* o& p! {9 S5 K. W" S
> >
. r7 Y( Z8 r) ^$ S9 z5 r> > Holiday Days& ^  K0 j" J6 }
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 i9 Y8 ?( O; M' x2 W> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 q2 l) F4 o  c$ p
> >
  m' R, ?) V& u  b# e> > Compassionate Leave
2 `5 T" P8 g& M) b> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 n, F3 S4 @- g3 L/ o% l+ f7 U) f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 V6 c7 @. i& S3 h' f9 u> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) o9 g3 ^+ E8 |& b- i: p> > employees attend to the arrangements.& [" a0 B* O& i5 g8 W
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ _: [  |5 ^3 L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  Z$ R% {3 _, L2 E! V
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' ~% r9 l: V' D& x. p8 W" U+ K& W
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 K: G0 J: ^% ?. W. e( j> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use8 W* }, L  }7 g* b8 m/ @/ r7 H+ h& W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 b; [# q, u; E4 ~# U+ l% `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# V9 y; O" E8 l, I1 L3 Q* P> > in the cubicles.
# x+ S9 u: W' ~* a, W  X1 E> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' E) S  X$ G$ Z& s, s
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. U) m) L4 t* x" b* y1 w) @, c3 Y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: D; R3 _% X. p( m; x8 U/ `* s> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
" j0 u/ n: l- e+ o3 V* U> > posted on the company notice board under the) |7 e, l2 j- a$ c' y
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; R. x" M' B8 A+ ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ T  \9 L3 T- t
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 n+ `# a0 Y: C& d0 Z4 {
> > policy.
( l) ?' N) E0 }> >, {  {& U0 O9 ^" j1 L* k
> > Lunch Break' }; L$ ~9 v: m5 p! s# {0 E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! x! Y4 d9 l' ^2 H> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: I' p; X# G% q. e7 z; b> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ A) w6 m! U' {4 L! Z0 n
> > maintain their average figure.7 k6 G& @9 J0 O4 S. d9 b1 d
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; S0 h( o2 P3 p" ~
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 [# T$ ~$ u  O% M2 X6 ]$ P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 @% w" d7 O2 K
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ k9 O: A" p  ~# M# Y& V$ z( M0 @> > employment experience.1 _+ Y+ t% Q. a! y% x$ r$ t# S7 `
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," {' H0 ~; S6 ^( R4 \2 ]% I0 f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* |$ B4 G  S* m2 b+ v
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% _; d/ ]* x1 l% I8 i+ j> > directed elsewhere.