HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
5 s' J. w0 d# M1 Z  E# z> >                     Effective January 2007
- D  j6 V2 _0 D( w/ q> >8 S. O1 h: n9 n; i' P
> > Dress Code3 K  X' t7 m  z& v0 P$ e( C4 U& W
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# w, h' S, p" a> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 ?+ H) M7 g# ], ]1 h( ?+ j7 h
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# g' z9 @3 ~' {7 r* V$ C
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 m# v) R+ z9 [* P! ^> > need a pay raise.  V! g  A6 n9 ~& R2 K, i
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  v9 S' Z( m0 x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* ?) I8 D. E+ Z- L4 ^7 c> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ c+ v) \1 q, p0 }4 w; k, {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you* s! n+ _7 m+ Y' _: q. u
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* T% P/ S+ M; o. O$ [
> > raise.
) U" O& Y' `  C5 m> >$ L0 T( L/ H! h% u8 V
> > Sick Days
0 @# M9 v& i5 {5 @" _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" z- w, ~  Y7 A3 q5 i: s" l, `> > proof of sickness., U; e% L7 a2 s5 r9 r& v
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 @! K  ?9 b/ r5 _+ c
> > to come to work.
, X- O( Q* Y7 H' @( \! P+ _> >9 U/ a+ b: P/ `( A8 k& I* b
> > Holiday Days) m, A" H) H. p; k) l0 e
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* G& M7 p, ~7 k* p* I! k! X1 f( X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ R& O& l* d  z/ c; n0 H> >
  [; l( M% F3 H> > Compassionate Leave
  c; d5 A) O  t$ ?8 N5 T> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; M0 V; o) C% C> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 m& G2 k5 N7 H. U/ [. @) B1 x* y
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
- B, Q9 f8 n8 O1 B' s, J> > employees attend to the arrangements.
) E1 ~9 ?1 u( t9 m> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
- Y8 R# w' o* |. g; o> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; R: J$ Y; a0 `  K% |1 S* B> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
9 g8 F0 b( r- r! g. {! U> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one9 e0 W9 y0 n' I3 Q" K2 {: A
> > hour early.& C- u5 Q6 _" w# ]9 c: _( q. y
> >
9 G4 A$ m. M9 `4 Y: e> > Toilet Use! \: ~) N- B4 W- l6 x$ T
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- _+ T) S* @7 t" K6 U$ N> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 |1 W. l' S5 P: C> > in the cubicles.9 ]2 E6 r+ {* e7 T2 Z6 D
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 m! q- x. l+ u9 H> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" n/ v2 l% D5 {/ N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. t" |3 _' l9 a4 ]- \
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, x/ v9 r1 i, W) Z> > posted on the company notice board under the. J( n: X: V& s$ |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# e4 Q$ f( r5 u$ H' G8 q: T  q* L0 b
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% Y. L% r( J* q$ a7 N
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" H# l( Y4 K8 e& Y  G; _" X& z> > policy.
0 p5 y. i0 x* a$ B/ n> >
, P$ I: U# Y/ d1 @6 R; W- y> > Lunch Break
- I; i) @- \9 q7 l. L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% U& S' A; `+ ]; D' J- H8 Q& ?
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 j) j  ]: M  E2 y* i  q! l" z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! i1 u$ l( D, y$ _> > maintain their average figure.- I6 W4 e8 p+ {3 e. u3 @; a
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 c1 C1 x% p9 B( _% X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 f' X2 ~. Z& s' [+ c" u! a> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 d/ p7 T& N) P$ J- B' V  q4 F$ I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 K) y% T1 s6 L7 M8 w) L
> > employment experience.! f/ B6 \% v5 Y+ B) D9 a
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 C6 S, c# z! g+ l, k. d* j0 T
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," ~. N, N/ V: X$ F& v& z) L
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* G- J. m. W0 d: ^9 {
> > directed elsewhere.