HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( m9 W) T, m/ `& \( I! b
> >                     Effective January 2007
3 L" a9 E7 B) B3 y> >
& }" P8 o# [, a& j8 a  x> > Dress Code
5 N' [+ _5 l" q3 I! \> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
6 N" x. |* `( R+ x; G3 r1 S$ p* b> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" m, h- D8 J2 b' X
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 ~0 O$ v5 m8 M7 G
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 c* h, |- |( y4 K0 g  T7 P0 o6 o1 f> > need a pay raise.
- r/ b0 L' V9 j> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' d* S9 e, W+ Z+ _: F8 U- v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" \# q' m2 R" B; H5 `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 R+ f" P, P' ^> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! i( h7 K" A4 M6 ?- t5 h4 j> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  Q' m) G9 i, T6 ]5 }5 S) [
> > raise.2 W7 c$ B( |( W5 d0 [8 l/ k
> >
8 Z  K6 m0 i3 O& z1 R6 k> > Sick Days8 @4 `& i/ v6 x+ A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( |- Z  ?; P1 o+ \> > proof of sickness.
# ]& b( E8 V7 `1 ]6 b- B( w> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ Z7 Z2 c" e* t2 z% n> > to come to work." f* K1 N) W  @. o& g
> >
+ Y3 e% t0 D6 |0 y9 s% I2 O> > Holiday Days
) }- B$ K4 M5 u: {0 N) V  J> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ w$ O8 R$ F! [- N> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: k' f2 j/ d; _, }
> >$ `" V. Y9 n2 X/ O0 J
> > Compassionate Leave' j7 @* p1 _5 b  A. {) Q/ e/ e
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, {, M0 |' `, e  N7 n+ m/ x! J> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 _5 O0 S3 C7 a$ G4 h! v. P
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; j7 a  W( {+ T: K: I( X( o  _. c
> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 n' H8 X( Z8 m4 p  i% i
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is% X3 j$ A: r, m8 [5 X  G6 T$ G& L' V
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" `9 F# B* l9 x1 n4 g
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" m) p) c% O, m: h> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 d) Z4 n4 j1 Y0 P" J> > hour early.
( y* K1 \1 B( ?& f> >
( I! B4 {! [8 M& r> > Toilet Use
5 t; ]. |" t% r1 {% H5 S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 F5 x1 L  V; m/ [* f
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 w( t) l; S+ ?# ?
> > in the cubicles.7 F5 W/ X% x. W1 i
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- D: a2 R7 N: S% @2 i
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' D" C: W5 g" j! ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- n4 X: Q* S% V' q& I+ P' R; _, y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* S' }" P/ b  K" `+ P
> > posted on the company notice board under the
. z3 y! k" R" p" G, V> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( H, ^3 ]' e0 ?& U, ~& G2 n" J
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& E6 @, {, d! ^) D> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
1 r: A$ X9 J  ~9 A> > policy.% V* u  V/ [5 z3 _
> >* g' n3 U. Q# k
> > Lunch Break
1 p/ h, f4 ?( e> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 U$ o1 x' `0 a, ^" d: c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 h% B6 b9 R. H. W0 K4 V: ]* M> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% S5 D, i) J6 C> > maintain their average figure.
1 @$ `3 q! {# S7 X> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' f5 I' W- N1 o6 Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." G/ O3 F# w( H8 n3 @) l8 T
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 R( V3 N+ D  h; v. X2 L> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# G+ Z( X3 T: }0 n> > employment experience.
. r) y/ P, R/ I- Q7 `" J> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 R3 E0 q5 N$ I, f2 O$ J> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# X" i' u: o. d2 a/ K> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% J8 A, y6 W; ?- C+ O
> > directed elsewhere.