HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ z4 G, {7 C- w! o> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code7 D& b# _# ^  F1 R( L
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 f& y% E+ ^/ f  v! k. x" q  w% `
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
* N4 t5 B6 |6 J7 z- {5 a( ~> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( P( t$ j2 \# k; L7 n- s3 B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) b2 Q! X2 t% X4 B
> > need a pay raise.
! i, m) g- a2 e> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: N0 m- o! \- f; }' v1 `: L7 M> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 L$ ]9 p9 b5 o9 a
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 ^* G9 X$ n0 x
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ r) E7 c( X, k/ G* {> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' Q7 J& d% v0 o( `2 v& ~& d: a% Y> > raise.* o; H2 F# M5 X- k
> >5 U  v$ s$ R3 ?5 O6 U
> > Sick Days
9 x# Y! R7 }" l* ^- W8 b> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; Z. P/ t! d6 L( W$ Z2 B3 U
> > proof of sickness.
% K7 _; f1 D: B; L! N) L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, y% l6 K* E5 H+ T& e' H+ g8 b
> > to come to work.
1 m9 @/ R9 k" r* M> >% ~2 _5 j$ f9 b
> > Holiday Days3 _$ n1 M: M  D5 N& s9 c( l* q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* ~$ P: g- F" l- R  J& a5 s! K
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
6 Q" N8 X. ^2 b3 S) G! t> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 p/ @4 ?6 x" p* `
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
7 ~+ T# A' ]$ y7 z# m5 y8 @7 k> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 y) |* ?6 q; O# @' |% y: l) v
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
9 H+ O: [" c/ q+ K3 D> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 ]! \8 H. a6 B% h  ~
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; k8 J3 C7 r; b; G8 o8 H> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( G1 b2 B4 Z, U6 c
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, u4 _+ N8 P- M& c, l$ z
> > hour early.) w3 v% ~5 u9 j& B2 V
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> > Toilet Use" R. C( w( J; ~& F3 T6 Z" n+ S
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
* {0 G$ o+ G6 g8 ^& U> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) C$ i; I8 \# j/ R* v; p# M
> > in the cubicles.
3 K$ F- ?7 R! L! |' K/ u> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, v2 E% O7 F$ E1 T% ?3 P! e
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 k1 C, A0 r# `0 i) \$ u9 d) i3 |
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 [! x0 W$ Z1 O0 I: L% Z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 S6 U5 D9 p4 q) _1 _7 ]# ~' [> > posted on the company notice board under the: d& Y! R, V& L2 t! \+ j
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.9 @% w2 e- v) S4 d
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  r8 M! _; A% S+ q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' u) v" {% N5 m8 g+ H9 {& Y$ J& ?> > policy.) o$ H& d' n. L2 L+ M
> >
. o. i: _% Q/ v8 ^) r4 p> > Lunch Break
3 d9 B% b+ `. p> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
1 C1 O* U+ E, z/ F9 f; O' S, d$ t5 }> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: l/ ~8 u. S6 H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- _8 S" E9 N; x
> > maintain their average figure.
& G6 S2 e9 [$ B5 d$ h1 q: a> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, a( u3 P+ \7 R: ?5 R) [/ ]7 i
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ f) a% i8 a* o) E: h; E5 y
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& G2 t: x( a5 V1 [
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 ?+ M- M' m, l. f
> > employment experience.3 E$ [/ n6 ?+ P' C0 m& @) r) q
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
. f6 }! m* W% s6 q5 B9 }4 T: v5 R> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* _: h5 K9 l' o# @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: D' q1 f6 ], T, U6 M% U  i
> > directed elsewhere.