HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
, ?) O: o; R. a! B5 E1 E> >                     Effective January 2007- H8 g6 r) W4 o" t& f0 L2 }6 I
> >
$ i( x9 B- W3 A' d6 p, K> > Dress Code6 y6 @! w& @2 T5 d- m, }, e+ X% }3 e
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 e7 o8 S% O, w( \( e) [2 X
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 C" i3 W& y' ~' n- c> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 Y9 @/ L& G- ?> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 h. f  K- m3 m% W
> > need a pay raise.: s( Z# ^* t+ ]4 v: p
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) f& l* @% e  l
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. |* [% G* Q! a% g2 ~+ G0 K: e
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' [' s) q- x2 J# X  {+ n) j> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you9 q7 p) ~- H! r
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  [, o, e# v  D4 m( `> > raise.
& b; o/ G# f/ _$ m9 p( X" e8 w3 S8 q> >4 K, y/ x/ j  U; X) `
> > Sick Days5 f. l! s6 C8 a; v( T$ h# }
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( ^& a( o9 t8 H( i% Y. {0 S  y0 s* f> > proof of sickness.
% p8 L4 @' a6 n% R> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 _# N: i4 l6 C6 c; o+ t' y> > to come to work.# V5 y, H) G5 r4 J8 {: ?( c4 P
> >/ @( S+ h/ n6 m4 X2 _
> > Holiday Days
! V: t6 x+ F  z: l> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a, I0 p$ }, A% j3 b( H
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 t& f% M' _; \# f0 ?* J2 W3 n. P; r( N
> >  ^, f% |3 t+ ~: Z, r7 j
> > Compassionate Leave
! f+ H- j! e' T) b> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
: A0 _7 M/ `, v6 A* I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& X, O* P; r4 E> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 E: r( Q' N! N" w( ~> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ h8 S* Q( E. N" g
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! J2 h) T) k5 @' ~7 l3 \! W9 |> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- u' Y2 _& f" T9 `+ i$ A! U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 r4 G& x, D6 h% }) w; c$ w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 J4 ]; ^" u2 C- `! c1 M1 K> > hour early.  l4 _- @8 X/ r" p
> >" b, F! t& S; @
> > Toilet Use- n! o$ X! |9 v4 Y
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) M$ X8 ~1 `! V; {
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 y* X4 J1 ?0 a) s
> > in the cubicles., p& i9 w& r. z$ [
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. b% y2 u. @5 e0 r5 B7 c
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) {* d  ?. u7 \' x6 V9 T
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 P  H; W1 @& n6 a( q3 _( k  v- _5 T* E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! q( A$ m" S) N' T# X  i
> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ o2 e8 e# F8 k> > "Chronic Offenders" category." g' l/ v6 y' p4 i
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- j6 ?& m1 s; p- ~. u9 w, \* y9 e
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) ]3 E9 {4 g7 L. d> > policy./ F, |. F; Z1 q$ ^, ]" o3 J) i
> >0 X+ _9 L5 D. c7 E, \
> > Lunch Break0 D. S7 Z/ w0 m, J; m4 h- c
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( V& r& m( {9 x0 e# ~> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( ?# i  a2 \7 @' f) D& n
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' E7 o  d$ X' X# I9 k; y4 t
> > maintain their average figure.
  k5 r7 {( W3 b7 b% ]( n> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! i2 P' h! b. i4 x
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
5 Q/ s, }) _; H) E# G- w% h# V> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
6 n! u: P, a" k, K1 V: w; B$ K  ~> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ ^3 [$ `3 ~0 N3 U- h' B0 q
> > employment experience.
& k* a4 P8 J# Z4 ^> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,, I( O  K7 X) Q1 C$ x! X; y$ ]" F
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8 x' z; _2 f3 s/ G2 ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 h& Q: q! p* J1 r
> > directed elsewhere.