HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 L! D' _& p0 B+ H" R5 k0 {" W$ g> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code- ]1 p8 B* \  v5 [$ o1 l
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' C; D' n* _4 c/ h3 g
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) \, L& c3 ?8 ~( W
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* A- U! N0 P3 l" h' c" G- F> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 m4 r( F' }/ Z0 m0 @  q, ]" B
> > need a pay raise.
! X3 f8 e6 |/ e- s> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 l) w8 _* V2 K. U
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 C  d: L% }2 l6 y) G
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 b* n7 z/ R) G* o+ Z! M* ^> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 M$ R& w7 C: H5 _' S  Z4 t& M- \
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 J. H5 O2 Q. j. G. E" T> > raise.
2 Q  }3 m2 S# K% G% D> >
" v$ w1 A' i+ G' u7 o> > Sick Days
7 M2 f8 }) Z% F' h  J> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 r4 e0 h. C% v: x# w* K* N
> > proof of sickness.5 a% i* |, V6 l) Z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 T/ v' O6 e( o: ]* p$ y; M> > to come to work.0 ]9 P$ M$ t, E3 C; n  B. P+ j
> >
5 t* P1 [1 c' r* q! j" [7 }* y> > Holiday Days
0 i2 T/ j3 |$ f% ~> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 J2 \. X8 X8 I, n> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 g+ `* `0 N8 [( {( y
> >- [0 C9 o  r2 R& R" k& u% G
> > Compassionate Leave: o3 `& l: |0 T" }7 A) Y4 ]# H, f( ~0 v
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ w8 x7 o: B, a; h3 d0 _8 X- [; T> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ c! F- z' ~3 L/ [+ I$ C6 A> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, ^/ e! z6 ?' m* X$ o
> > employees attend to the arrangements., L6 e5 K$ H3 q3 u, a; I
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 B- P$ |9 M% F4 {% D% x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 `  }: [3 {- n* x( m> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! {) L! A. |' ]  v! X1 Y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 g# I0 i8 K) k: s% L% V* K> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
; y3 E9 \1 M! z) a9 I> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ s+ j$ z& Q% X4 l
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 p0 k( T/ D" d' |
> > in the cubicles./ e1 {+ o& [, y+ b- m6 M, A8 r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ G/ H5 [  S# ]$ h+ w: F4 }> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
& a- z& R; _& X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 s+ I; X: V+ g+ Z( z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 l" J# q7 ^/ p$ M0 Z; D
> > posted on the company notice board under the  U: V& P+ U6 T9 T5 M
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 Q% O! H! d2 ~$ l
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- q, q  h5 ~& e; _$ o) b) s0 ?
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& j! ~$ H5 ?$ J0 O
> > policy.
3 N3 W) i3 U8 X; j) j> >
- C& _8 f3 a  U5 y- R" f6 e, L> > Lunch Break
. j6 R9 i( Q; B$ o; C> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( i7 W/ q1 V! f/ _# Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* u9 V" z7 p! B  @9 @) W) ]% @  ]> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 z* W$ c4 M, S9 F7 b> > maintain their average figure.
9 d& Z& W, [/ R9 q& y; s+ ~5 T  `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, z3 B, L* W: A' l& s. I1 I> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ \$ T5 g( ?% ^% n* Z: a$ O& s
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
8 G2 ?( m- c: O4 {  U> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( Q6 D, N, f7 A+ h- ]0 P1 J
> > employment experience.
- ^: n1 b2 X$ h# P% y> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( `8 W# N# N4 _# E6 N' O
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, [% ~  `1 N" C' ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
; I: `4 z) X2 _6 \1 b> > directed elsewhere.