HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:: K0 O' K# X& Y4 {7 h5 L
> >                     Effective January 20076 g# E4 {, b+ q5 P. m0 m, V
> >/ A2 L" m# G9 a
> > Dress Code
# ~( w4 H1 B# |+ T9 e: p> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- O" q8 o% t: S$ r% n
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! H5 ~% b- I) S3 P9 I0 q- F, K
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 t0 @& m! o' S( C1 B8 T, O1 g
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 s6 g. [: v: m1 y5 X* u1 F+ u* C& m
> > need a pay raise.8 y2 U- w8 d; p! Z1 n4 a6 O
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& [( e( b# V9 c7 {
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
) m, T- j! Y4 M) N5 Y% {3 N' y7 ~! w/ W> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" X) D0 I8 B, ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. x' |. q# }5 g' H> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" x. Y$ l4 s- ^# v/ b/ D% s0 i
> > raise.
; d* y' B9 `- t  z8 Y8 N> >3 v: k0 }2 n" }9 q% e8 ^
> > Sick Days& F# |6 n. m+ P, @
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 [& C3 h1 s. q' S  O: [> > proof of sickness.
; ?4 y# A* e. E- H* D% X7 A" P( |6 `> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 M  v: z' a# }2 E
> > to come to work.
# K5 h1 g: @! \/ f! A> >4 R( V! I9 i+ p
> > Holiday Days9 A( _0 @4 Q) x. C* K1 i
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  y3 d' N  I3 W1 ^1 a, G8 I  N1 d
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 v" ]2 ?2 c9 \2 {& D
> >+ Y( M$ |* a7 F+ A1 n% m
> > Compassionate Leave
) L/ v: o. E, H1 V> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
5 G! o- E% ^) n% s/ d# m> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ m& r6 T, l+ L( I
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  Y$ @: Z2 _1 s0 {" N/ A& ]+ c; b
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
7 ]9 s* {2 G1 J( C8 y; g> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. T* |$ H8 c/ o. r6 ?; m> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ C8 d( y$ Q3 e
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 [; H" \! k$ F, L
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 U& t6 B* `  e
> > hour early.
4 r4 R! K4 o# A) r9 r7 b> >
) P+ G- }+ w: g* G: }6 H> > Toilet Use& u; M1 W! L; k- P
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 \' m3 e- Q- o* u9 q7 O
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- G/ U1 x# X+ [* d4 l
> > in the cubicles.
1 F$ x' z) ^# b: ?5 }> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 E& z  w$ ~/ S! {9 B> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle1 _/ Y0 g' y$ ~' Z) y. c
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) o$ A, [8 R& Q  W2 a# s
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ c$ |; b2 b5 K# u; k
> > posted on the company notice board under the
  d2 ^0 ]: c* B5 v  A" E# z& c* ~> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 B7 B$ `0 ?7 q5 M7 J, Z& Q7 E$ S9 v
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
0 j! O' r6 I* C* C* O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 b9 o3 k  |/ `( K& e> > policy.
5 j; g% s) ^% i; n> >: [& n" i2 b  [; ~5 h0 P% L, T
> > Lunch Break
; x/ @6 r! b, q6 V, \0 p) D' j> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 {( F3 _) _, ]# H: R9 {8 l  ^  y" j> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. j+ z, r1 L( w0 z  b> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 B5 B7 y; l0 K. \3 }/ S" f4 w
> > maintain their average figure.) M$ M2 m& n8 Q. W
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 O5 P( i+ ^$ b- h
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: C+ c) Z. L. f
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 s  [! v( s; C6 S$ H
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' R/ ^( H; B% A: {> > employment experience.
0 p& x8 `. I: U: r. |> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 Z" t  l5 g4 _3 G
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ z9 H' y4 p# c% _) J> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- Z3 L" d9 v2 S- z9 S> > directed elsewhere.