HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
: E* ]0 p: m3 C" n& }$ T> >                     Effective January 2007/ U/ T* f1 Y% e/ M2 ^" z4 [6 w
> >; U: z# R* k, T% S) D
> > Dress Code
5 z( t. N# |6 \# A> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- O- n/ |; `5 f. I$ z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 G& l% X: ~1 p. Y8 m) Q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) t: z& O$ |% a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 b6 c/ Q4 I% M* L* a) T
> > need a pay raise.' P( Y+ t: K  }9 v% q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 [8 K( ]& z8 s+ P, A9 `+ \
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
  {0 m. q) z# d" `, n. b> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 t6 C1 o2 u4 V' q1 |8 ~
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( ?+ H  `' h2 ^- {. g
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 j0 L2 M6 a) p, G, D> > raise.
9 {6 k! k0 [* t' G; e> >
- j" ?/ l9 e% J( D7 X6 f> > Sick Days
. X- F( @( `# N) ^9 d- ~0 z> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 S: }  D0 K+ g8 k& B0 K* g& F4 ]> > proof of sickness.4 z- e8 |2 v) J1 I8 B& Z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) f+ k8 ^5 @! J6 Y> > to come to work.2 D+ [! |! V6 c
> >
! A( ~0 D$ z8 n/ `> > Holiday Days
& c6 T2 o+ i/ p7 k1 |- F! E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 m+ i& E7 D7 \> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; [, F( P! Z. n> >& {' ?$ o2 w) z, F8 e* D5 u, a
> > Compassionate Leave
3 u. }0 s$ |, L6 L# w2 h/ |> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" k$ o& |6 V& ?# m! F
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
, _3 w% r4 \% n( b2 J> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% w  l2 V& ?+ e. Y. J' Y1 H: W
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 R* G  n# ^6 t" u- v> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& B6 `+ _* ~0 @6 [3 U# L% I- f
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" `% b$ O+ F' M+ W
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& h/ r/ V+ v4 D$ W> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
2 I5 ~$ Z# m, T. F5 z3 G> > hour early.
  V/ J5 u- ]4 s1 h' C> >
/ ^1 r3 n( i# e' X# Y> > Toilet Use$ a2 g1 z. U# R, l% {" T7 f
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the2 t" r' X3 ?8 ?
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: {6 N& Q! L3 o% ]4 X; V% g, g> > in the cubicles.9 D' D( u* n+ c% w- o
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- V. U) ?0 v) n; h
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; ~& m. R4 U% q6 C
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 }6 B( I! A; x, A  [> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ U/ V" n+ I+ j" F> > posted on the company notice board under the3 d2 s, j: j  \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
& Y: ~  c: R0 v1 y* s> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' i# h0 C' X+ x3 k' }3 t  X- Q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: [# B7 x* `& n> > policy.
0 e  a' p9 N+ |* F) p  m> >( R3 r8 `$ C2 e0 W* I1 ]4 ~5 o
> > Lunch Break
) P9 M) ^. [8 e! V7 V> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* i- y: a5 S% K+ k1 a8 ]
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. k, b& Z& f4 G0 e7 ?# P2 ~1 c) d
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& o/ K: _, a! L" x* a: ^> > maintain their average figure.; H8 O  o; U; n4 c6 ~
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ Y) w; m( [% @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 _2 H8 C, O3 T2 C% ?& g0 ~! s
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 |, r6 a4 I% Z& I" {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 t3 O/ N, {7 I4 N> > employment experience.
- c9 I& S7 ]1 x> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! I) `$ b3 K1 E4 X> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
1 l, I8 n+ Y9 H$ \2 L* F! F! B( Q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ f3 F0 m3 i- i/ t> > directed elsewhere.