HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:3 u: R2 s6 h7 k% t
> >                     Effective January 2007" o; U2 I0 a8 y3 T- N2 N
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> > Dress Code
" D# z% D5 @7 g* [> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% R2 L) s0 Z. j
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
) B! g( t. }& P) {7 @. H; v> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 S* m* O, d, |6 c: E5 L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 z2 z: p  G% @> > need a pay raise.
- q$ Y5 R" ?& A6 e# W( p> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 d* R' p4 w# @8 @, k> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 g9 I6 \5 f* m* W. n0 j> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* D3 }3 P$ T, k! T! o' }8 B
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 F# m$ ~/ M! q1 B( G* l+ M> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 O: U! A* O; I* S: C! L: `- ]
> > raise.
- T. H/ I5 v, N1 E> >
3 V+ A8 a+ [4 s; x! g+ f> > Sick Days8 V# |3 C& ?% p
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ M- M" f( W+ V9 e' p2 y' {
> > proof of sickness.
5 k5 W7 F; M$ H8 b3 D> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 Y- ?8 K, G) n* A2 x> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
8 L* Y$ k1 x) d$ [6 F+ J> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
' e" [, `! i9 {$ Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; a" u/ u3 ~) u3 Y5 a4 d( ]
> >
9 s' b& X2 G0 K# Z. s6 ^> > Compassionate Leave% [& X" t5 ?2 |8 i6 `3 g" }! X9 @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 B& m7 ]2 C& f9 t8 [> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 }* u) k; D0 A3 P" h3 ?* X) R6 {+ [; t
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, U+ ?3 g4 i% M5 b+ E' K3 H" {
> > employees attend to the arrangements./ d: I5 m( s6 m( @
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# v7 R6 t; j1 P) X> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& X  h1 E0 o3 Y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 A: S* i1 b: F+ E* T> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one% _/ R9 |' c2 z6 N4 S# S! o7 Y
> > hour early.
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# c5 V2 I8 p" Q# U& ~" g> > Toilet Use3 s; q+ H0 m7 D: S" J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 N6 ^2 A3 y& k/ x7 g3 r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 T3 w4 _" \( G0 A> > in the cubicles.
: Z( E8 f2 S5 N4 x# b& Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, b! m& @9 T6 }% @6 c$ R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, S9 I  l$ U9 I' V# O> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
+ R  q+ t- t- A* D; J3 G0 n> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 l1 z& C# C7 }* E: Q5 o> > posted on the company notice board under the
) ]8 d, D2 u" t& ?+ L7 k; w> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" L- z  q9 r& c7 f" P> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ C4 a% a# A& [
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health5 W9 ?1 @3 _9 |. W) z* w
> > policy.) ]- z& l" `( ~
> >5 ]! N! V! l. s& @7 J: @* B
> > Lunch Break
. U8 e1 w5 h6 c. X> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# U3 a9 q- P, v9 n7 v' W8 r. h> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- _! i, o" g9 M2 [. _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
( Q! ]+ t( W: ?- P> > maintain their average figure.. w2 g! w2 T! b: I" w9 p  P
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 Y4 c/ {+ c. q  ^- J
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 |7 v6 I% `3 n& _> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 M4 Q9 b6 Y  N5 c# ~> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. L  C0 }+ V! b8 V, D0 k
> > employment experience.4 Z- p! r1 ^7 a) G
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# G4 J6 v# d4 v1 Q7 j& g+ Z; h> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 U2 H9 U4 l9 ]% c, ^% T! V$ ]. Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be$ c& f3 Y, n' T7 V, v0 ~
> > directed elsewhere.