HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:, j1 o4 k7 w" ~3 O3 N+ q5 Y
> >                     Effective January 2007# M" Z) i1 g, H( @$ l+ i
> >* |6 A% S$ }# H- {" @, ?
> > Dress Code
1 `. @( N- _; r# F% T* @> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 E6 @. C3 ~$ a. D, U& Y) N9 i
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' \9 L  }; u6 X* [" I3 C5 L, B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ h  s* a/ {" Q  M' P
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
! {! s! \- u2 h! r> > need a pay raise.
3 j7 C9 F+ |5 @, ]> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 t+ s- _' Y- r2 A7 v  V> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" Q1 n$ d9 i/ o; b; P> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 ]( p, {8 M# h- r+ G6 ~  s* V3 ]> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 l9 T- A7 j2 Q' k. ~> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 \' z+ o* B4 i3 v3 A8 y
> > raise.
. c/ D7 N( \; }1 z2 A5 M, A1 _> >
  I9 j4 l& Y: ^' ]8 C6 |' z> > Sick Days2 a1 W4 S# e: n5 L* B5 z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" B& ?& `) h% H* c3 u- m> > proof of sickness.
* P7 J. M, _% ~$ Y/ S; `> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. F) ?& i' x9 y! R0 |/ A, K0 \
> > to come to work.
& h% d; r, y- h! M% B, _5 w> >  A- }) S+ u; z; j9 K/ V: U
> > Holiday Days
0 l8 O) f' g5 h/ w) u) g> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ f* V# K# Z9 r. I4 w$ H
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% j: t8 L/ a$ g4 B+ M3 F. v
> ># _* ^9 u' B: h0 C2 V' Q
> > Compassionate Leave
! F1 x* F  O7 I  V7 ~4 a1 F/ Q> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* l; X  l( ~9 H) f; d> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- l' l) e  \% m3 p* W
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! u8 B' }" J5 q7 u  P/ n) t
> > employees attend to the arrangements.* [# w7 U3 T8 S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& A1 P) x, d+ u6 i# C7 C. E
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% t  K5 g5 g. Y: E/ H, y
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ a* N" f/ {' h; v
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
& h5 w5 L- x, ^: d) w/ \> > hour early.
# z9 G1 V- @4 c1 j- E> >
( Y9 I9 }5 D0 ~> > Toilet Use
' u8 M+ ^0 A  d6 z8 t: T) A6 D> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: F6 z+ v  |4 x+ `: D4 l
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: x9 m3 g. s. n6 Z4 b8 k* p% T# }
> > in the cubicles.
6 m; ?5 H7 ?3 a# E* p4 L> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 f5 [; p( m9 R% y/ w' P$ a
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! A# q0 d2 _/ u2 Z; r' M
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: q+ \6 b8 ^6 J0 l> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& a4 \, q7 u! ?> > posted on the company notice board under the' j& J( Z5 {, d3 I3 g
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 G" s$ W9 `  K( j
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* A1 ?: R* F" S' J( q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" z3 @8 w' c, c5 F" F> > policy.6 T8 [$ t. }) L  n, Y6 L
> >
( d4 R! y0 N% F* P> > Lunch Break! ?3 y2 }' }' V; ~% {, Z/ O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- f& y" ?8 n9 Y# n* S7 O> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ @6 M1 S" |% B$ d
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 C7 b( Q, F3 q% Q7 X/ [# O
> > maintain their average figure.
' Z9 m# t: H( b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* f/ j8 ?6 U+ Q2 |, x
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 n8 S: y2 _3 {: O> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. W' L9 {6 E4 X' `+ Q* r& e
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 ?  D' F) |+ E# C$ ^' g% L
> > employment experience.
% A" B5 ^$ `; d# m> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  ]; S6 O! N; v* p% }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 p. ?$ b$ m7 h2 b, Z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 A+ D5 K' H3 J/ a8 S4 A. G1 @
> > directed elsewhere.