HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) ~) ~# i, R6 r& y/ l3 i> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
, G* f$ u* ]1 M* g1 e> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) U, r2 b- b% n" Y  ~0 K3 P: b
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( {' g' f7 _- s2 y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' e9 h! w$ g! s! d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; g5 i9 h. H% b9 T" V/ ^0 t& A> > need a pay raise.4 J7 V! v9 R6 d; x0 x; P
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" z+ z$ P7 q# u, f6 P* U
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% v+ t7 d0 ?' e  S> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' _1 {/ B. y3 h> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 A. a9 J8 _- H6 H- j/ _0 ^> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# T" E' _1 L, D; j5 l7 h
> > raise.
; V; f% c: X+ Y9 \1 Q> >. U2 a' m! C' u( T
> > Sick Days5 A7 f1 k  x8 H$ m8 E' c
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' a- y% h$ Y* T8 y> > proof of sickness.
* H) k! m# }, B& i% I> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' \4 P5 y! E* c: Y% F
> > to come to work.
* p  e0 M& [1 h* p: y> >) `1 s. P3 c2 z! S+ `# u! _
> > Holiday Days
- D2 r' T* b/ P+ i  D, b> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* S8 p9 K: ~/ ^$ F6 Z> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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$ a! S3 z- r' W; c3 i6 B+ g0 C9 g5 y- a> > Compassionate Leave$ Y. S; d4 B* T9 G5 V7 G; ~% X
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ n/ m, m& o4 R2 j  u> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-' `/ V: w* [1 m( S' P' D
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 }6 g7 r/ {# J
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
) D4 a  L: |1 V9 {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
$ z3 y, Q) c4 o7 i& j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ `2 s) e, N; D> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
+ q; [% C* Q/ q  e0 ~  v" B> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. Q  {4 }1 _4 Y> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use- l' L- S, g, Z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 C5 Q- ~' ~' I4 H$ F+ W5 G" U> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' ^; `+ l4 G  [- F, o> > in the cubicles.
) t& b  U0 O+ r, m> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 {1 X# t6 w# \> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* G4 U& O3 B  \0 O+ g
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 |, J; z! J3 d' |> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be0 [' P0 W4 H4 H+ M4 m
> > posted on the company notice board under the2 ^- V6 }. [6 w9 K" b8 X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ ^" W. R1 ^' p& a> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 u! p2 o) T, Q* q& _& F% }$ s/ V> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ P, b( w! O& S> > policy.8 m" P% d% X9 l+ b& d
> >8 s# t5 i. a! |
> > Lunch Break
" B7 y, C8 o* X. c6 G* @: i> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, D; b: q/ Q8 r( @! b> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 e* B4 m3 R4 v0 \
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
3 [* |# B4 b" U, X+ B: D> > maintain their average figure.
: f$ w# t* Z$ S% Q! d! ~2 J" T> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: Q# i- Y+ _8 A  o- \0 Q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
: I# X# X6 B; X( @3 N' X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are$ {4 Q) Z1 g0 i2 h* H) ~
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive: r0 C7 _! |* M
> > employment experience.
- P3 R( K: _* [5 l2 ?$ L1 j> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
6 Y. z0 w* r# [+ F5 |1 `> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ d: p/ p. c+ I: C
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 p  \+ d' ]2 I; A9 q3 N& ~
> > directed elsewhere.