HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
% B7 n8 K. T6 G: r1 V> >                     Effective January 2007& I: E/ ^8 W% T0 q% N8 D5 M/ E
> >0 H# S9 D( V, ]# x
> > Dress Code
. ?+ \: G% x% \6 Y7 g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 \) C6 N( e- o. y( ~; \/ i. d  K
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' q$ S1 `: {3 y- P* D  `! d> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& e& }* z* _  `# ]' ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not' I, G# ?+ I* p! b0 z7 H5 R: y
> > need a pay raise.
/ @" q( n8 x4 a1 a" |/ r> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 S) [* h! {# N. K4 U
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
' [9 w9 p- |, A$ ~/ y7 Y: d> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- b- Z, W! _5 v5 X6 w# g
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ V5 `  C9 Y  e* z6 V> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 E3 u, A5 Z0 }; W! H. w7 f: O> > raise.% [7 R2 S, Y2 Q6 x' \
> >9 d! u( c& S! O# J9 r5 n! i- Z
> > Sick Days
" B5 X& {: E& o0 w8 o> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 u+ W' ?7 ~1 H8 @) r
> > proof of sickness.
3 p) c4 ~" V8 r  f+ b> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 q% W' e3 P( A7 H% ]: X% b9 g
> > to come to work.
9 w" ?7 h- J- V" F; Y& f1 R> >2 P8 `. v2 ^' K* K9 ]. A9 M
> > Holiday Days
' X$ e1 w" _1 J8 d8 F. Y9 q, E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
( S3 H( u, N" _/ g3 x* L> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
# \* B& v; p' v# h! m3 y> >* i( l! X: M; k9 b
> > Compassionate Leave+ e* d: i9 d! A
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 P& _* \' f. L" w
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: \/ h" u# N7 T( D8 d3 _/ m> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-$ q1 |8 q, w! N: z5 M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 [5 u$ }& ~# o1 t% z- B8 k2 R! \
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  s, u* a; X0 U, _) y9 |( S
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* I& O7 T3 ^% ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# k% \8 O% ^6 @! n; g
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 ?# d% n6 P9 E% n0 t  C  S, M- Y' k4 g
> > hour early.
9 H% b( \+ v, J9 K> >; z( y  K% F, s. ~9 N
> > Toilet Use) ?2 C8 z5 A' I2 W* s- h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ I9 R+ V' R( y8 N9 h$ ^> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  B, c. \$ y& d6 j: g% }7 a) M. A1 e
> > in the cubicles.
) V, ]8 ?' z: R! f7 `5 h) L> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
  a. w3 \7 j- [> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 Y; c1 H+ _# W# k  d
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, d9 D4 g0 s6 e6 L1 l; T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' W- N4 P1 h; ^: s4 C> > posted on the company notice board under the
" _" w9 P0 {6 N! p7 F$ A! {3 y/ Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 q9 V1 Y' K8 t- I* w
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* u% }! T$ E- I' Z6 A! B# F
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" Z5 m2 w5 k, ^" ^: x> > policy.
, |' _8 {* W& \" d( n  V* q> >9 z8 q- h) K$ ?; ~6 f4 L
> > Lunch Break
/ k  M6 W. C" o& |) {> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 g& q; ^1 p* U8 K# {> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ ~" m1 \  y# P& \+ r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ M& \  `5 {7 N% V
> > maintain their average figure.& A. }" [6 f4 ?9 `9 f2 g
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 `  X) {5 N! K5 X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' r2 c3 R; m$ o, J( a: Q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" g2 f; d& m; T0 a1 J$ a1 X1 k$ U
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 Y! g% v* J$ {0 D& t
> > employment experience.) |/ U$ z% r% D. m: ]
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,7 x( m3 Z- D4 g# B) {) v( s: ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ f: }( C9 \. ]> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) n; u2 F+ g$ V6 i& s' Z
> > directed elsewhere.