HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* ]6 _% c& Y5 _/ `" d
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code; Y5 z; |1 P" H: ^% A+ _2 Y: O
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
9 Z' s7 i# O1 c% ~0 s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! T  o( G! L0 z. Z$ k5 ?
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 q8 h) }, P  E0 l% {/ k" A: G> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 M, P# Q5 V! P  L3 q
> > need a pay raise.
4 w7 A3 y8 G5 ], R> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 }  _% q2 |' T; W1 p) c: m> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 I& r8 y6 s5 N: c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 h- G# p6 u( D1 i4 z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 p& z* h8 W( W2 i9 j5 g; x5 ]7 u% G> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ x* \% T  j2 n: q8 D
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days" |' i" K  S$ y. ], {
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' A9 V! c5 }+ Z, c# f6 p
> > proof of sickness.
5 Q  y, H3 H  C& {+ b+ @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 J( Y9 C' b- l0 i> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days' ^3 y3 V% A& m& P4 ^3 F8 g& B
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* L  Q" ~& j& z" Z! {( g$ V  a6 h> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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: {& {9 S: s, L0 I8 Y3 W) {  N> > Compassionate Leave& R8 q- m, s( a* n4 c5 k0 b
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' e3 ~# S5 ^! `6 R> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. y6 H  _. }1 ~+ A( _
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* |  E/ \$ D; @# C> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& w3 w# R) e; l% Q" r: U- Y' l2 z> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 H5 t! K& ]& Y& O- j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 G- o* `) k& B# e. V. R$ }& T
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* ^, y2 G, E) H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 O' d: j# `( {" ^' ?> > hour early.
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% y3 N! ?1 B  f* n> > Toilet Use, ~, T% o, j8 C, q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# p7 G7 y; m! `/ \7 @; ^- W
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
7 K* g/ X! t* J' y' w) O9 U) h+ \> > in the cubicles.% [6 t6 J8 x; f9 i4 f
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ K: w) x" P  h2 A
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* R; ~6 D1 ^! w% h# J9 O> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 M/ w# o5 O  @
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& j! X) G6 f! D2 k+ ~( |> > posted on the company notice board under the6 q. \* l1 V; a6 {
> > "Chronic Offenders" category., L" e: K( k7 M9 d7 R8 t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
0 |8 ^! k7 a0 N* Z+ ^. }> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) ^. l' _% B7 {  `" t2 @> > policy.
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( e) _; m' d0 Y* r> > Lunch Break- }" N1 M/ v$ @; H
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ y0 b5 [3 v/ a0 V' F
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* r" n1 o5 [0 T: u( s7 o1 e1 g> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 s9 i' q6 i1 H. h1 ^6 K
> > maintain their average figure.
: A( I" _/ E7 S  J, N3 K+ \> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( g* _: z, H/ H> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.# N4 q) I% h/ c1 O( S! y
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 p: k1 Y, s* [8 g1 z0 Z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
2 X0 u: j) S* g/ p. o% y1 \/ t# @* d> > employment experience.
- C6 L9 j; b1 G0 G# x> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 U  A' S$ P4 A4 g4 C) C/ g5 ^- Z% v
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 t; T& Y( n. _) e7 O9 z" s> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" S+ y; d& K7 w" L( o6 Q/ {> > directed elsewhere.