HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
* L: o, g( V5 L( V> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code* q! W+ X( O: n! E5 S- ?
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& V9 N, M" ?. a$ K2 ~. q( s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 c/ H3 g3 r9 p; q. w6 U1 t> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
  ^- @2 x( L7 q, r4 ^6 r> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) r0 m9 ]5 U7 Q$ C> > need a pay raise.
# m" [5 m/ G5 b9 f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
- H4 S% w0 M2 F" ^* e- g! N; c2 ^> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
- c& s" Q0 H. r6 B1 T/ [6 ~0 C> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. Q6 s0 P" D) ]. M; W
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! Z( H! X7 j- T
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! C4 X: J" u2 G, Y% h/ f
> > raise.% h# v! @0 y0 w8 ]& L
> >
0 o; C" A' C9 |* [' s> > Sick Days
1 S5 j9 \$ P, T/ g7 `> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 H6 m# T) ~/ M3 O# N
> > proof of sickness.
( b7 [- n! H( }> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. W. V! C7 a: s' j8 }; K$ Y
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
) t5 Z$ n1 D9 Y. g9 C; ~> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 T2 O! d; T/ ?/ o+ u: l3 Y" P> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 d! J. V& i# w2 u. P$ _2 h
> >
+ P  Q! r" \8 G6 i( k> > Compassionate Leave5 R+ ]7 ~, B  U. B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. W, ?3 b! `# n, B" |* r+ _
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  O( S; u4 U' t7 f* F0 e> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) G; S$ D6 F1 g* a: T9 _9 v
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& c, \! u: c9 @0 ]- C* z3 v> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
- p) B5 o2 j6 U! G* _> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. f. y4 h2 R1 _7 ^/ P
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
+ z' X) G: {3 T" {$ p( X. S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) K# v6 f% D% L. P& T" I8 B2 P
> > hour early.3 B6 s; U" X7 R% B& @
> >
1 W8 u7 H1 e9 C+ I* K) B3 z> > Toilet Use
' d+ K; b( c$ p& e- _$ m' G> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 Y4 F$ L4 N) U2 w% {! Q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ e" W% g0 x# F> > in the cubicles.  Z: P; ~3 u$ y3 T4 M
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 H4 o, c# S) p, \: q# _3 s> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( X" H8 s/ K: a4 \> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
9 g( B$ x, q# k9 J, |7 p> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 [) k1 B1 i" ~8 D! ^! a
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ e$ r) D; L5 Y3 x8 K. X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.) N. d5 x2 o& k* j+ |
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 p' L$ o5 E0 B2 C" [$ ~/ A8 t> > sanctioned under the company's mental health" \: d6 H$ u0 y# H4 M6 v, A7 j
> > policy." B: Y) q1 T/ R% b' W9 `0 ~
> >
, }, ]* {1 E* N! b> > Lunch Break$ L6 e8 N6 L( h" P/ w* V$ V+ o9 i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
% ^5 W# m: O6 B8 x# ?% ], T) f> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ u  `6 S5 z- X- N* c+ |
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( _7 b  w+ _: X- }0 ]. r+ C6 M
> > maintain their average figure.
4 l+ D# E7 |) k* L' z4 O! M> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 G0 D3 x; N/ }( S# i$ t$ S1 _7 j
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. k" u. ^- C9 L, Y' G> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: E3 B* Z  Q9 o' R5 J& ?2 l
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive' J$ s, L1 ]9 C' ?0 ~. @
> > employment experience.
1 [: Q( V5 p5 S! ^# w1 m> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, m6 [& z% e. `9 h/ F6 N3 t> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 P3 e+ P2 S  q3 a> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ B4 i6 }' d1 L" ?& p% L> > directed elsewhere.