HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ H! ^2 A1 g$ d8 W, B6 m
> >                     Effective January 2007: {  u" x/ S: i/ @+ o; `& G" i2 _
> >6 K0 n+ }# ~" E
> > Dress Code* O) ]& z: ?6 g. n+ W! S2 U* X
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 Y2 U. V0 t8 I$ j  F) A7 L
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 S) l3 f2 @. h3 Q4 c
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 w" Y6 {5 }4 K4 N4 x+ A
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- I0 L/ a8 C, e; V  {> > need a pay raise.8 I7 K$ ^$ `! {1 a. \7 W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 L; L5 e/ A  N2 Z. Q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# T5 M" Y3 Z  m$ w7 Y# `: p6 F6 J3 C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. J; T/ b9 e, e, T7 Q0 c
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# H! W  K3 f  a, n' y$ O' n> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; b: ]8 I4 R& c% k8 S# n2 X
> > raise.0 R+ {1 e7 a7 B- X& t2 }: ~6 e
> >: m6 _/ D1 z1 G4 ^( a
> > Sick Days
3 p1 f; H* h" Y- {4 O% O> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 A9 f  q) z  V  O+ P, J, v1 g/ s5 P> > proof of sickness.* o% B  L$ |6 f
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 l- {. L8 u% M. \$ u' e& P> > to come to work.( ~& W$ R+ b1 ~9 F( e  O# H, f
> >3 W' i7 z3 p- y% m- h+ o7 s
> > Holiday Days
! F$ K! A/ f1 r> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# `) Q6 Y9 k6 Z" w! |) Q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
8 [* u8 C8 @7 K. q) L> >
. X% N4 V& ?9 u) f* b- T> > Compassionate Leave
9 C* C7 |- }- W$ f9 P: a> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. k+ H4 ?  E/ ?. B
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 S' A" R$ m5 z% j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 j! Z* J. k1 R0 G& {( L> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 C  n( n; L1 Y, H- m% H
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) h5 i. M/ l3 J! G; s  w> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 j1 M: M! r2 B) Z2 Z# S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: I3 [# u9 L( V/ B/ D: Q  _6 b" K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ C; @4 f2 H8 P+ a> > hour early.5 W4 X1 z8 k/ q9 y  e
> >
5 L1 x, V0 G& @( K8 ?> > Toilet Use- t. o* R; V# i0 @5 N9 K
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 F& D$ o" Z. H) W+ k- D5 G6 L- _  ^
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
- `  s( y: X( W" f" `> > in the cubicles.
, i- j$ B, J. o3 z, n' ~> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
3 S4 Z! E9 E  L+ h: i* y> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' Z5 b/ i0 [. X( K4 K% w" |" u> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- B" ]: U9 O. }! T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# F3 a1 B7 s7 A# z> > posted on the company notice board under the( x" p; T$ m8 u' W
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* s, Z! N+ j8 d3 }; T6 u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be( q7 H1 I! j( t' T* K' h
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 S: Z4 a" C$ O# ]8 t* a1 C4 o
> > policy.2 C  K( R: d* d( p, _  I; r3 o
> >. q; ?" S4 H; y! x! @0 c8 ^
> > Lunch Break% \  c! @! B$ e/ M
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 S; _7 D! I6 ?* b/ A> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. u  y' t* W) ^" z
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ T" D4 w; M$ v8 r, S( f4 V> > maintain their average figure.
8 w" N: C9 I1 P; r1 R1 r> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ \6 }8 {; P6 Y! y7 M  W9 F
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( U4 `6 |. V6 ~> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 E8 w0 N8 e9 K# J8 N( h
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive% H1 l$ H6 C4 a7 Y7 K' r
> > employment experience.
* Y" N) a* e! L- T* n  R> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' m! s. A3 ~0 u> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# i3 z* U. [1 A0 S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- R8 P0 _' `' `. L4 d
> > directed elsewhere.