HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:, G1 Y7 M; z2 b& N( H4 y9 j' S+ g: T
> >                     Effective January 2007
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3 |7 a) r8 ]: v: X# t> > Dress Code
8 j* \& e0 l$ r* x> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, Y$ A" w, H7 H: d: E- K" W. C$ K
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: L& H8 e) Y% k# x> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ ^6 [8 f1 F. S0 J6 {: L> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 B5 r+ ~5 U  C: M) p# j
> > need a pay raise.! D/ ?; L7 Y+ `# a; f+ x
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- L. L  ^3 t, O" M0 F; P
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" w1 ]( g; ~- X# C$ t4 v7 i5 t
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 p! G7 l4 _% \- P4 f
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; S- Q. w7 |- \6 `> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# I* H  ^0 z' U5 ?! W: r6 i
> > raise.* \% H: E3 K4 W. Y& t2 s
> >
' t/ |( I) L, k$ K" {> > Sick Days
- r& j$ _' Q5 a  `. n  ^> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& s7 j) S" U% Z7 Y/ f3 x3 j( S; y> > proof of sickness.) n6 F5 v2 }$ v; Y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! F7 ~" q+ m# s, X; w9 g> > to come to work.+ s- v3 B1 }2 K$ a& G8 w$ I
> >
" y* o) _6 A. S- L+ R" {3 H" z3 ]- E> > Holiday Days
. {' m5 W0 M9 i. {; N, w1 _> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 h  I2 ]. U5 B+ K> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  t4 R' j4 V& v+ c7 D; c# @
> >
& L, S/ ^3 P' y6 E8 c> > Compassionate Leave. {8 k6 W2 {: J  S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
# V! \4 I) @. x* g9 z+ f$ t> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; a3 A6 _( Q3 N5 p, f' f8 ?> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% ]5 m0 x: d* A8 t' B> > employees attend to the arrangements.) M" D1 m: F& X% J' u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ B; B$ G$ c) g9 y. r$ }6 u
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, F7 A1 G9 r! d9 s; n8 `
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 K$ Z- {; S6 s& W3 b' q  S+ h
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 D4 f* @- G: h8 W+ a
> > hour early.7 h$ u3 ]. [4 H! i1 Z; a0 O9 @7 H
> >
. p2 F6 C! t% y# q> > Toilet Use
1 K1 c" n. u  l- [> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the! U, K; ?/ Z% Y$ ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, O; \0 j, d1 |7 u: @> > in the cubicles." v( o) ]% H/ Z- d: B3 H( V5 H! a# Q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 z5 r4 |6 U+ R2 E, X9 f> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 {" }3 d7 F1 M$ y" b+ S' \8 ^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ H( S0 ^. M( Q- `/ N
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ x; ]/ Y% e  T( n/ ^5 C* U; ^$ ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the
' `3 R( {4 [: t3 k3 n/ V> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 C. G1 ]1 O2 y, l$ Y( ]- ?$ m/ O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 L" s/ V" K$ @, |1 _
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: i% l4 ^7 t+ |0 G! Q+ Z$ b> > policy.7 B9 N/ e6 n( g* D# [! L
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> > Lunch Break9 G+ \% Y& }# R! m
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, `0 Q$ M  s' c; Z: [> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.9 S6 n4 ?6 {- o% K5 b9 z" b- P
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) W) h" H' E( e
> > maintain their average figure.
+ P6 G! @4 }  A6 C; l> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
- a+ ]# @# I8 O7 r+ H> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 {" G! @9 N  @
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 Y0 Z* H3 `; a9 `1 S
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) I" q3 T* Z- l; F> > employment experience.
! y- Q  Q- P& h$ h2 ?) R) C9 z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ z1 W4 I# B4 I& V: t9 V. X  `
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. G$ b$ Q0 I' B* n$ |> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ {8 H- ~( v  z& |; l; X, @> > directed elsewhere.