HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 a0 ]' f+ T2 D, j1 @
> >                     Effective January 2007* K* b, O1 |1 ]( j
> >
# j  d  X4 Q& K1 n$ K' ]# Z> > Dress Code4 R3 V' u$ d4 X( o& S4 c2 r: h
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ s: c1 i* G9 ^' q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 N3 g$ g; s0 G5 F
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 |  i5 c* H) d6 p- y5 C8 m> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 O  T" n4 M9 D( I
> > need a pay raise.
- T% b/ V% X% R3 C8 h> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 N* q4 a& ?' O! w$ @> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 o& H1 k6 S/ G9 E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" g0 v8 C* a( p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 T8 j3 c( \& v1 S> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* w$ @9 E2 i; f1 X" X# b
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days7 _% ]! |: l- `, V) c1 J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. g2 t3 N* K! ^" p
> > proof of sickness.: p; |& V( h9 ]8 n2 G/ J% [
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* e1 A. e/ i& [  x2 @' f
> > to come to work.
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6 W6 V3 e& L, l  l( i> > Holiday Days
0 ^& O  D% r4 s0 @: c5 w> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% }# v4 c3 l: U/ R
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' V; O* \2 B- o1 _6 l# z/ \1 R: ?; Q
> >9 k- \+ x6 W& T5 O+ R- m) S
> > Compassionate Leave! u0 g' o# X+ C$ y; N
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
! n; [3 A9 m7 |/ `: @6 ]) L! E4 B> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( U/ r' d6 o8 b* y# C6 j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( L# k2 O" X# n' j> > employees attend to the arrangements.& t# V) n* B. B' O
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! w9 P6 u+ L7 F: O> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  Z  V* K% |. @/ C' [8 Q( ]" q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 h# x) L& Q+ A* ~3 K' E( E
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 ~1 J5 v) u4 }" C5 S3 e1 e> > hour early.
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. x; |* d, i8 S& X- m. g> > Toilet Use
1 d/ |  [/ a$ R0 t/ B$ S# x> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 g, x" ]' ?% j# T> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) V/ s3 F* F# v2 b  f; b( {+ G> > in the cubicles.1 T6 S# P/ G! Z. S) v
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. l- J$ K/ e! |6 L7 Q% m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ h! W6 a+ `+ ?9 p1 o4 y# R3 {* e9 b
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 l3 R, g9 E; U) t9 k# Z) n> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 `7 Y2 e( }6 D# o! i( `2 F
> > posted on the company notice board under the& j3 r- E, F! v+ a2 V! X+ X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- H: T2 h) Q2 ]. h> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, |& s+ h/ F4 Z; H& S; O5 w3 X2 U
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health  v: O7 w# m. V% A; h/ y
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break; ^3 Q+ m* M8 _& [- J8 T0 ?0 [) j
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# _8 i8 r( i! `3 v( |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.7 n% F: T6 S0 N9 o& \
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 Y4 i: o' }* ]" I3 p4 E# g
> > maintain their average figure.( ?0 O4 _$ T/ z. R! C7 N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; H( `3 q" T9 s( V5 A/ e- H* Q
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; t) I% `1 H; o. ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 w8 U) v8 d3 l> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" }) ~/ C0 I* k+ ]* G8 U( Z> > employment experience.
, w8 q3 _' M+ }  l> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# [: G) K9 v6 s9 E' F" \; T1 o> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 w* U9 `7 r) L& d  w' W
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
* V- }1 @- B% N! x7 H> > directed elsewhere.