HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
# Y  k! I( n/ O# L; e- s> >                     Effective January 2007; n6 k# k8 H, ^
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> > Dress Code
) x/ K- a  @/ X9 A) k, c3 i2 \> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
; n2 s/ ^& ~2 L6 d, I> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing- s& D% g* C4 u  J& B8 \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 Q4 O' z, P3 i& }
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  A  D' T' J* v5 k+ O+ ?
> > need a pay raise.  G" R" D$ T6 ^/ Z' @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage3 t8 w/ _2 N2 J: p. T
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ F* W% V. j: }- J1 C& D
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* s1 ^- P) `$ X( w4 h( Z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) ?/ f9 p+ ^! Z# u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
! k" Q3 j. v* b6 I2 I! h  m> > raise./ n: b6 E- n' k. @5 \
> >+ u" E4 ^5 i4 l/ ]1 l) n+ o. z6 B
> > Sick Days  A5 B' ^( b) c9 q+ l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: {" P( A* |: Y' e* E
> > proof of sickness.5 f/ z  d: `2 d9 Q, O. u
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 ?; z2 D* K, j- o/ W> > to come to work.
- \3 {7 [: v2 Z- {; R9 n/ o> >
. ^/ s$ c- o2 N/ g> > Holiday Days
8 W  ~; o0 ?/ g/ k3 u! G9 U- e: V$ k> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a, Z6 K& L+ l% d" }  K
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 r; }" t# l1 j/ i8 g> >
# Q2 N" E# \3 D+ u$ P> > Compassionate Leave
# D4 V, E, u* R  _$ _7 D' Z9 x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
% L- H; p! c0 ^: i# e> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
5 B- `/ B2 X$ C5 l8 o3 ~$ O> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  {1 V6 W5 J* O2 o0 o: A
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, J* ~/ V9 ^. [& g> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, E5 F  W$ t7 H/ ~1 i3 ~! h
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! _) L; |; w% x1 k
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 A$ ~7 a0 ]# T$ _. C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 m- Y% E1 M- s& Z$ s> > hour early.
2 g4 T  P! K; Q  o$ r> >
6 c$ T+ h1 j! k; N9 p- W0 f> > Toilet Use+ U5 Y- l  M* ~1 X
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 e$ @$ b8 N4 ~- M8 F& M, ^3 p
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 O& V) c" \& F3 L& ]$ Z+ }% w> > in the cubicles.
$ {4 ^2 {3 g' W% a2 f6 A> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. p' H) ?' Q$ Y. N( N: G5 y" `
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 Q& G" X6 a7 c> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 k( n( I6 ?* I8 Q, b
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 o  E% x; ]  P9 \8 }: t
> > posted on the company notice board under the
, }; L' [, a% W1 k4 B; T! N9 a1 {. h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 `' N$ J% m& A; r# [1 G7 l  h> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 J. q: s. y3 \; v  |
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# ]; f7 p( [- U; U- q9 Z2 V" ]> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
: n$ }7 U1 W- d1 V3 {9 d9 \4 ]$ t> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they. W1 ]! t2 _& e! s
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
" W6 A$ N6 P& I: }> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ {; a" f( O0 y. ?9 l0 P0 _) N> > maintain their average figure.
3 V9 P+ Y/ _. Y4 q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" h+ E2 }. X* S" w. [> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  B' }2 j" }" Q' k* l0 Q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. c, U1 Z5 ?/ b1 f5 ~+ w2 Y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ F4 |6 Q" e$ W, ^2 s
> > employment experience.1 B/ o) I4 V% u$ u. {/ r+ n6 m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," X4 [( \7 j( M9 P+ _2 e
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. m' p$ n$ m9 l! l* ^
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be  I0 d3 s# b) m: v
> > directed elsewhere.