HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 Y" O+ z7 Z6 M; R' {4 h4 q> >                     Effective January 2007
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+ v. X4 _2 c' g$ G& A- e+ }% i> > Dress Code
  e/ Y0 r( x6 l9 E$ N& o> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* o& q' J( C  x( A6 K- b1 n> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 K0 G! I$ _! ^6 _' \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. H+ J6 v2 R5 C% B$ f1 X
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 I4 K$ t2 ^1 ~) b4 X
> > need a pay raise.) M) E* D0 o, A: R' v
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 @9 r& P$ }$ h" A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 _7 @& k& A# o( Z( j8 q4 W> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 R* z9 o% u, U> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% W+ Q' B- ~# W/ _, Z. K
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# h! J4 f  }+ I8 j% j. V. Q( V3 l> > raise.: ^, x) y: s0 Q, l% P( H& k
> >; W0 T2 w$ |# l4 q# P: W
> > Sick Days
0 v* D* l1 V$ s! X( a> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 h2 S1 ^- v' c) k4 o9 u1 m
> > proof of sickness.9 s# K$ Y2 ?8 Z4 Y7 C$ z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% t" v7 V0 U% G# x7 D7 O
> > to come to work.3 f, e% s9 V/ _( C& u
> >( m. g: Y0 m4 ]& O0 G6 O( X
> > Holiday Days
0 {. m! E  q: @& K0 b( M2 a: h> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 O/ A$ W, c% x9 ]) L
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave  g( e( u% l1 A% e& K" @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- c3 @& X+ F; w. v# v0 P, f: \> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! p5 z! w4 L0 {: x6 e) A3 w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
- D1 X& c( Y& J% C& y& r. x> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. d  L3 _* k/ ^3 J. {8 p/ N6 n3 z> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" }: ~" k7 `  h) u% B2 N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the4 h% D* k9 A% @: i( L  ~
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) }( h, {" K( O  T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ ^' m& t, j+ p5 q3 }. q* c/ C> > hour early.1 S! B3 H% J9 u# @& K- [$ j& ]
> >
7 `" V3 L- R3 x& z> > Toilet Use
$ e8 D3 @% v* o' d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& K/ o9 e4 e6 a8 T- ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& Z4 q* t; ^8 S& f; ?2 X& U
> > in the cubicles.4 V1 `0 A3 J! a7 C$ z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; Q$ g8 m+ A7 ?3 j& x6 z: w> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) ~! Y  M8 G- L* f  w0 U> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ L- i/ ^% b- n5 X# c! H# N8 R0 Y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 p. f3 s6 p- v/ H1 D> > posted on the company notice board under the, v+ o' l. L  k: l
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 J0 L8 w6 t- I* E> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 z1 k( O: f/ Y" m: t  c$ n> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 ]( W1 j4 e; Y6 l> > policy.$ Q! s$ S" v: W* Z/ N+ B4 j; e
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> > Lunch Break
4 h+ D. g: K) ^> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 l' s( s0 x  j0 F7 X( [, [  @
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% i- o' [6 j6 D, g* h> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% [7 H1 e( k# r$ O# j$ E5 i
> > maintain their average figure.
; r0 _9 Q8 e! _% V> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 M6 x0 A. F% ~  m, Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
4 O' t. ~) ~* B5 q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) x* i6 Z5 y$ h& L. v( Q( [
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 X9 z6 S% _  R4 Q1 L: x! S6 C8 y
> > employment experience.  B% L2 R0 X1 v9 P$ f1 D
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% i# P6 p$ C( s, L8 z' q  Q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ x, L  e( a: A) ^& V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. b: e8 w4 T! x$ @! {$ O> > directed elsewhere.