HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* o: }) R7 G4 v5 X5 G
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
, T; C, u8 g( h* m" L> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" R! C/ R3 L% k
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
3 m3 _0 v1 W% }' H0 b> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 `9 t$ G- S" V" V
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 A' O9 _% |% C1 i3 H, b8 Q& `4 b> > need a pay raise.+ U% z3 W( ^; n. z+ _- \
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% D  N1 Z' g! g; `' x. d* X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 [8 |0 q( N& [> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 Y8 v* }1 D; |$ d8 g! f
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" O" H, [1 D4 f% S5 f/ }( O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# W! F6 x' e3 `& ^: P, Q6 n# l
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
9 U2 C% E! v- f" y3 I> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- ~- K9 g! A" {) x* w+ R# ~2 A9 j9 l
> > proof of sickness.) K: N' N1 E/ J' t# b( B' J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- S: Q# z# g. Y> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days8 |9 Y$ c; C% b# u* c
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 d" n! Y  ~; b$ g$ K: k> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave7 J  @: U. H1 O1 |
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 f5 i% ?7 U: u> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) r! O/ d* p' H" v) a
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( \6 e6 n6 ]* g8 y9 F; ~3 ]9 W> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ M. M0 |; E  F
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, z; T# o, R- e: n4 V* }1 B/ L> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' L7 i6 t) V- v> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 b  X+ K% Q# w, ?! U( j  @
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one/ h/ B  z3 I: n; z5 L; B3 I
> > hour early.1 t% F# @  D+ ]7 P
> >3 F1 k6 q0 V5 v7 H4 e2 j7 [" d
> > Toilet Use* d$ S- Y  s( Z$ l) V) ?$ ]  _
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; ]- ]1 y0 \* l9 \4 l4 |4 q- T3 _8 K> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, ]  j% V* l, w8 y; B( a> > in the cubicles.
  x1 P; I( o: v0 B( B7 Y" J: A4 P> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 G- K5 L. ]# L. U4 R5 v
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ G5 C. ~; S0 w) R' h2 L6 l$ b> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! p( c0 O7 l) y5 d0 ~2 x1 m& f
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
" X8 R* z$ K9 _, T* B7 [6 }> > posted on the company notice board under the
! x0 J3 u" v! r> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 Y" _! f- \% y
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ G/ m  V1 @+ s+ d" H6 w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ d  p' l, }5 N" F1 M> > policy.
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' `# v6 Q: E' |! D- H> > Lunch Break6 q* L6 A! [$ M& P4 M5 Y
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# m5 U+ I- X; ^> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 G- }3 \* W" o( \$ _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ _4 R2 m) b) |  _1 D) H
> > maintain their average figure.
4 c* W+ q8 {, ^4 ?# j5 P, _+ {> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ ^5 C' ^9 h8 b! y8 j( @, @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! t  B3 b6 w/ p- Q  q* C> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
& V1 M) b0 {8 ~. u% V; I; L- _# V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" T. g( G5 t; y> > employment experience.) _+ }0 g9 k/ O: ~+ `# o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  I( F* R4 R5 y' ~' t5 ~> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 ?$ G4 B# W2 b9 _( k- \* p" n
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be  d1 v2 G8 Z  O& t2 P8 x
> > directed elsewhere.