HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
# }; b! q& c' U+ L' H> >                     Effective January 2007) m! G+ K. ~* j1 _- q9 A( T
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> > Dress Code
+ w* T+ z& G8 |. D% U6 Q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. P8 w8 N2 [0 `! W  m> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& s, H. g$ y" ]- m, V) K> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 D% I" a3 i5 [2 A
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% x: b5 g( d8 q9 R> > need a pay raise.1 q+ i. a4 f: a3 q% j1 _
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage; j" P/ D/ D1 @  c" t
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 h1 y  c! m- Q: E0 s: z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: @0 [# }4 V$ T( o. j> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
6 q; r7 q; I8 I7 ?" S9 j# a> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! l& Q3 a4 L- R; _7 p9 f
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
2 N4 s1 N5 ^2 D+ n> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% Q  _0 T7 `! M& j+ _, w> > proof of sickness.  ]0 D( h! r5 P2 a1 @# E
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- \+ \+ d. I1 ?! \0 X1 c, c
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
& `/ p! e1 C1 z: L' x> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! F) N/ I( O2 Z9 C
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.$ P. W! ~) C2 `! ^4 j
> >
/ X) q' D$ B5 ?1 S> > Compassionate Leave
$ T. q. |; I/ j& e% M> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ o1 R2 w: O5 P1 T# l1 Y2 J3 U> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
' Y+ \9 T( T( X4 ~7 b5 L% p' z' T> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 j, k' m4 n+ y) G; L( T> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 g% x& ]+ s% O8 I- D1 J
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 q2 E- Z" L* X2 i2 V, l> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 t; i" m+ ]' D' D  P' b0 [6 k1 N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& i: l: ^" e/ b2 m$ ^
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& F4 I+ Q. `4 d4 r) ^/ [. \. v; x: n
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use) A( u' z, P+ Q2 q& g4 K: j7 x
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& R7 q& {9 x' y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 X2 q( L0 |* w, F5 b+ H
> > in the cubicles./ P9 E# v% l* J6 _$ n! P& s( l
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 m' ^" e% B+ Q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle  m  X: U3 `: C0 k$ Q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
* T' ?% s" m  h+ r+ O; P> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ ~# B3 c5 ~+ y4 c! ]
> > posted on the company notice board under the
. q, c* e) c! i9 U+ a> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. @5 |, r1 s7 E( w) G" m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. u9 b; ]0 S1 H5 H) N" u; Y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 G- Z( w+ L! C' R6 A1 O> > policy.! G( k2 S4 C2 z: Z1 y0 B2 J8 u
> >
  e; E( g# o. z, R; O0 G5 `6 y' ^> > Lunch Break
- B) t" k. B4 n* R% H6 M> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& G+ ]) W- f# r$ |1 R5 ^# V> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 J9 ]; p  w* h; F> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- I( C% v( a* H  }: a* M> > maintain their average figure.
6 b/ B8 G& J" P( Y3 n> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" Q2 Y8 G& L5 X6 m> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! [" `, i; R  q2 u3 n3 W* T> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 A7 w! `) P9 d8 B' }; a4 W
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 O& V: `7 o1 j+ [6 c. }+ o> > employment experience.
/ A$ A8 o, Q# q. Z( K0 ?> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 P7 d1 o( f9 \* d
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 I6 f) i; z; U6 `> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be0 ?, Q) y+ B& u' A' s
> > directed elsewhere.