HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:, g# g1 ?2 m( {# v8 c( S$ h
> >                     Effective January 2007
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) V: j# I2 j3 L> > Dress Code  X6 r  l& V- G: X1 x
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 M2 ?5 {0 u" _) F/ s$ Q& ^
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% d+ F& f! S4 w> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ L$ ]2 J# n$ J4 ^! ?/ m9 j" Y" z1 D$ `> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. e: ^( v( |2 Y3 X; I: |8 I5 t
> > need a pay raise.
- V7 z7 n7 g( `0 x> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
" @0 f. J/ g' C8 \9 G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 ^, N) W, j8 X5 g. p> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 L( n& X/ [: \# `: N> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. p" W1 d9 i) w2 b9 D6 I# L! z> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& b. y$ @/ E) E; {/ ?/ n( C: b9 c> > raise.3 |! Y5 x; j+ \& x2 d& ~
> >. g( b0 s$ D, p
> > Sick Days9 D3 Z' n: A) ?3 M2 L
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' E0 y5 I- N" W8 Z2 {$ s> > proof of sickness.: U% h, x& }5 k% e" p% |8 V4 h
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ q- Y+ [  Z- s( j$ n* ~3 u+ H> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days4 l6 ?0 o* w# l) u$ X
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a. S; ]& R) X) ~: J8 g. n
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) Q8 v$ h5 |6 ]# [
> >
& M! c8 Q' N" ^> > Compassionate Leave2 K3 |- E% s) `8 U  @  Q6 J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 u  Z) d# a) q& s, ?7 [> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% Z; }6 |, q1 P$ [( P/ T> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 f& l: q3 ?9 n/ ~+ u0 t" n- M" }
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
: m! K5 g" a: N) r6 D> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ B1 k$ C, C) t7 w/ b! |
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the# ?" f! |! ]+ G9 P2 D4 @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 A! h- R6 F1 J* X# f9 B' C> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 z6 z; A+ f( h8 ], ^( @0 p% N  d> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
4 \% h  ~) `3 {9 |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ ^# x2 `$ F. s/ C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. ]7 o+ Y4 `' y/ ?9 j
> > in the cubicles.
, U" f" }2 B) E  T- s# ]. I> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
  `2 X) v+ s' `5 a) `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 q8 Z3 g3 A# n; P
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  ^! V9 V: O' a$ P9 L- j> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* [4 l3 h4 L6 L* p, c> > posted on the company notice board under the  v) e7 e2 f8 i9 I
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 p, N4 h2 u- P
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
5 _$ ~% t; \" F4 R7 ?. f# ^> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. s- [! I1 K0 w* O% ?/ X$ l
> > policy.
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, y3 `; }* O9 Y& X4 G9 C0 U> > Lunch Break
" ~' T  ^: n5 Z0 [2 U4 n> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% N; \5 D2 w: t/ f0 b% \
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 R; T0 z& L/ ~# k$ u- L) |9 q  C2 w> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. U# Y$ ]2 \5 d/ p; s
> > maintain their average figure.
$ s3 e/ {* V- ]$ M& r$ i> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 ?: G4 l, k+ C7 R( |> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. n' ?, m2 Z% @9 z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
7 \+ c# j3 I! \> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! B4 }2 d; F$ r; j5 [& ~> > employment experience.
8 Z  d. A$ W* L# S( c1 E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," c' o. S) p& `0 D" y
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 v/ ~: Z% x( L0 T4 O! H& T
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- N( ?; j9 I# G9 I. J> > directed elsewhere.