HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 L% ]6 o- x' z( F3 F" Q* F, r
> >                     Effective January 2007
! j" G! ?2 D" m) J> >
3 H  C& x5 ?5 {% @. O, e8 w# n> > Dress Code
, {' ?, j# R3 v3 F6 w" ]> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 a( b/ O' b8 K  ~. |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) z+ d( b4 A% T& W3 F
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
/ Q5 A! J( X9 p9 ?) k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- x+ D6 l1 z) L# c
> > need a pay raise.
( R; P3 H( Q. X3 t8 q: {* O& S> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage; T$ S5 {- |7 t
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 s0 {+ H8 s# v  p3 v6 ?
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; |" x, Z, t; C, w7 t' f. d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ R& n* ^" ?- P4 k% V: g* Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay6 E# w- H& X" o: i
> > raise.
- Z9 ]8 |3 J% p5 B( q- q& n- u> >* p+ P  T9 U4 d3 ^/ A5 }
> > Sick Days3 ?; N8 E# E$ p8 N; }- W2 `
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% r" }2 T; y$ S7 S, T! {
> > proof of sickness.5 e& t7 v" t" S4 ^1 p$ d% e4 _
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, H. v1 b& B! U5 b; w2 F, D% @
> > to come to work." @& T) A& z) _' J9 i
> >: W6 ^; \4 o5 C4 J0 b
> > Holiday Days
6 P' b  h1 v3 U9 C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a, ~1 z- Q% R! [) i  J( w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
0 E1 m5 x6 N) w; {/ c> >
. b0 [2 V1 R' ^; g* q, \> > Compassionate Leave1 R3 S4 ]/ X6 X8 u0 E; e
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- J/ _8 R7 `3 p- j> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% \; ~1 X6 ?& n; ^# t> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) l; g8 |) o' p
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& ]: h6 Y( k- O
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. G1 B4 ?9 Q2 \8 p4 x8 S> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: Z, h! e% q$ l) s6 x1 v
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 A* l3 p' p% t2 N: K6 n6 d( q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, z) o/ |9 T0 D- c> > hour early.  u( q+ O+ q4 U' c0 `
> >" X  \+ P7 S$ b8 G
> > Toilet Use  _. |5 q/ b! S5 H7 I, U3 R7 s
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 k+ O4 @5 `9 c  [  r9 K1 I  K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
& N- Y( A. p/ S6 m. w! r> > in the cubicles.
! n$ K8 M& U$ a# W# \% ^> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: j: ~8 ^. H" n1 m7 u$ n
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, C3 D7 c( j# N, o% ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 R. X# \# [8 T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; j' k/ {- ^. ]% [# L1 p* v> > posted on the company notice board under the
( U8 a& o1 ~) f# P> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ K8 G# ^+ @; [2 P6 y' r
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ K1 r) J4 \! e, X* W. c& c) b
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 y: T/ g5 }+ _2 [, T) {3 Q
> > policy.( H$ O; i9 L6 |3 P1 n& ^7 }- h
> >
" J  ~/ T1 Y, ~! I) j, F> > Lunch Break
% \) k( J) X, y; ^( Z7 Q1 n> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
" q7 W3 \: H' z+ N6 r> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. |' q9 @- e# O' C> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& }: r4 K5 }0 Y0 \2 g2 y8 I( s
> > maintain their average figure.( w9 u+ m% A( b# f8 @' k7 K4 V
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ c! }% R; Q- \' W
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) q3 @8 h" @4 _' h( f( Q. t5 l1 a/ s> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  x: Q% }" H& `8 d: w5 A3 Y" O> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 [6 [) a5 ?7 O- j$ H
> > employment experience.
! Y) o+ ~6 ^! I( Z/ C> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
( B+ X! k0 t' m7 U> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  c2 @6 [8 [$ }9 b
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( D- W. i) s) q: _2 w> > directed elsewhere.