HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
" F4 a5 ]+ [9 \1 W; L0 }> >                     Effective January 2007; O7 k+ H. r) z0 Q4 w; i; w$ A
> >- f0 F1 A' M" ~( F/ S( R* W
> > Dress Code$ t2 i. w6 F# R8 }
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 b$ U, [1 R- k* J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 S% [1 _+ x' ?- {4 U" y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' J, n! }2 C5 j7 s- h# x7 u
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 |% C0 l6 D/ F" d) d  c. X
> > need a pay raise.
9 A; D: ^) l# I6 `9 F+ O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage  i( q) e8 V& h3 n7 O. X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& u$ \+ y3 ]5 A- ]  O0 y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. h. A4 l8 g2 ?8 i% P
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you9 N+ T/ ?* e* w' k/ g5 x: k$ a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
1 ~7 o2 x5 }8 s1 c3 ^> > raise., u) q; H# e$ C
> >
. G! w( l3 r5 B6 b> > Sick Days+ t: O$ M4 I4 Y1 J' T# G) H
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
  a' G7 ^; k- H! g; p: g> > proof of sickness.* Y' U' c4 _2 e! J0 R  n% K
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 o0 T+ g  A8 d> > to come to work.& Y: ]' B% y) y' R
> >& ?. E- H  v# Y8 j5 H+ ?  c. A
> > Holiday Days2 [" |% M5 c, f, o$ z
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 q0 @4 G. W+ {9 O" G> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; g" T% J. v- I+ w
> >. Y2 x6 {6 R4 E1 I8 _0 E3 F
> > Compassionate Leave6 S, `8 x& P, i3 q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! q8 c" D2 {2 f$ z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; ~2 a5 T9 p7 e! z8 a/ p8 Y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 a' u$ e4 \6 M3 ?& y> > employees attend to the arrangements.
) ?, o1 h# r- i* _( k0 t> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! W9 r5 U* s9 P* }' v4 |
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" ~- O$ g5 l( B> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
# A/ Z, j) E( k  ]' E4 H0 J, ~. F> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: F( x! M8 ]  c1 h9 ^6 g9 ?
> > hour early.6 G: X( x8 V5 Y8 _+ z
> >" R2 l* X* f! }. e$ l( P# T
> > Toilet Use6 K$ |# _5 D7 N/ Z1 d
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 d8 s8 p% B, o- O  D> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ f4 @; ^% W' B  }* U8 a: q! p
> > in the cubicles.& ~( N% x4 r( {2 X" \; Q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ x1 _5 }5 x2 v! c5 ^: f; N: C& Y> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 y3 S( y+ P; s) d: A, l: _> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" B0 x/ B+ s2 a+ ^> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 m% A* t) @8 K0 t' q4 x% k6 k+ G> > posted on the company notice board under the( f4 [$ o0 r, i# f( w# b
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% ]  ^& H8 J4 V
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: q7 j' R) X$ h1 K1 I
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. c$ I6 e, r; |4 M2 |) M
> > policy.0 Q) j# J' |6 V
> >
- |3 B, v( J  @> > Lunch Break
$ S+ g4 n1 g5 \; ]6 A& d! f9 |& ?/ ?> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
) s* J. x# j% g1 l> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
# A$ R& w+ W7 }* F6 H( k> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 l2 Q& W/ N) ?! w, H- I% n9 I# c: m> > maintain their average figure.
4 W! U1 f& o& m2 {  j> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ E) i+ Z7 `: e: ]7 E; f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ E' U- p1 S7 S- T+ }4 K) \6 ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
7 Q, p" T% E3 K$ s- t$ I% D> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 M4 T/ d5 {0 d6 x4 E) @1 a4 L> > employment experience.
) k  H; {* `" s> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' H2 i" s- c' `- e3 ~# {> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
1 e; O* \3 s* D3 p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 B2 S3 F( T  o- y$ l$ v7 y
> > directed elsewhere.