HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& J- B/ \6 q, q+ Q0 B$ c4 X> >                     Effective January 20072 `: x% N  R/ N; n+ t* t
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> > Dress Code/ A& m2 V- P, k" ^; K( K8 X: E% W
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 n+ \- `. w. [  n) A7 e
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 S4 m0 A" ^) ~8 Q+ z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- A# d! Y8 S& i5 C5 N2 O1 d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 ~/ U$ n# C. X4 y
> > need a pay raise.) F8 k0 x! R: G
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 M- l" _% i$ q1 m
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 s# p9 b7 Q& W, [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
5 i% w5 w. x& W* i- e6 b> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
1 W4 g! J; S- V, W0 a  o> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# l6 M+ B# n6 b& v& m7 W8 |> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
3 ~1 d! S. v1 n> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 {& I# N5 x- D! _& r) @8 Q: w5 y' o- ?
> > proof of sickness.
$ B3 {6 m9 b% }> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 {& S4 b, Q: W+ J* l
> > to come to work.
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; x4 F0 y+ l$ ]7 _( }) f2 E6 T> > Holiday Days
1 P6 ~. N" L  E) ]9 n. T7 ^7 @> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& m/ B2 o/ j/ V  q1 z7 B
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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! M2 R* H% u7 f* X5 x9 {> > Compassionate Leave
5 l+ i7 }6 Q4 E> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ P0 h0 D1 Y. J& v& x4 A' P> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; a2 w" m8 w: t7 K> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- X8 k$ X7 l; T& W! q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.* H' Y" S2 B3 M' o
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; S5 [+ M( R7 i# K- s: d, D
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: F" v6 O# j  b; K  _( o> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( a# B/ ^$ ^" E+ P3 [' k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
4 X) I7 A1 s1 x" L. t8 p) `> > hour early.
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) Q, c7 z6 D, }* r/ K# l. ~> > Toilet Use
5 s' ^9 z; `; D% {& v' e> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' V( D* c; U- Z- |> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) j7 G. w8 f5 f0 A  ^+ R
> > in the cubicles.* V( [7 o( b: R9 }1 ?
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 I; L4 K! Q2 `7 ~9 n
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  V" o: q: I- I- a. J. k. V* `> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! S. @3 X5 z: |& k5 f> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" p# j! A+ B' W, U
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* z9 c3 m1 ~. I# f1 X9 w0 N> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 u/ _! b- f! X$ p) R! C> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
! Z% }. N1 A4 K. e, m> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& n+ V& A: h- H5 ?/ Z" `
> > policy./ M) c9 `$ q8 X
> >
: l; |. C: o* K* I! _> > Lunch Break
: T" q/ G: ]( r, i- _! t3 v7 M+ A: o> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
) U+ R4 M! y7 c7 l; ?> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
$ }" B2 }5 m( [  _; _> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! Q( v& s* Q; i1 o( p: a> > maintain their average figure.
. m. I& Q4 d3 t: `4 o/ S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
7 ?1 I0 @- _" x: p( L/ C> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ ^7 \7 {3 p& N
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ ~4 N1 H  P- |+ |) C# d0 @! u0 F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# y9 ^/ H* q6 [" n> > employment experience.
7 T6 R" O- @5 w. y> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 W7 e: K$ Q! v6 q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! j8 I5 F+ a( i3 C2 C
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' V3 e+ W0 N! T, q8 x6 ^
> > directed elsewhere.