HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  a( V' A& q! t9 z( S
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
9 D, ?. b( u- [# l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
' ~6 s& f5 v# O5 h' R9 J$ b> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 ^6 u9 m! X% w2 s, C' r; w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 g) U, z# _6 ]9 b5 W1 j> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& c6 S, y3 [5 A
> > need a pay raise.2 [; z: F9 A. R& I" _1 p1 b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- f! U9 s8 c: H" V7 C$ i6 g) V
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 p% c: j/ @. E+ V- \> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 _) M* h4 j% r> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- u, Q( K, {. a- a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
/ W3 ^% q# [( V5 J4 L; F> > raise.2 A- u9 f3 r. Q. A: h
> >
; K$ R# U! j+ B; ^> > Sick Days
# y  e- |" ~% y& }> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 n' J, ]  t, O! Y1 z> > proof of sickness.: h- e: S& @1 V% }
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
  x  g. g2 M' q' L. r$ e% @, x> > to come to work.1 }! y2 `- N, I  N+ F# |7 D% H
> >
0 }7 B/ u: m5 u! e% {> > Holiday Days/ L$ V0 x7 q, U8 [0 ^
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% i' q% N: r. e5 [2 O+ E& L
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.$ q* j7 K4 C3 i* G6 }. D  M/ W" Y
> >5 ^1 }+ I) N( B  I8 G) U2 z$ {# w3 v
> > Compassionate Leave
) N5 l% t/ K; S9 O/ U$ c! ~( q, S0 `> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
! b' D: b% F! t* f' V9 ~2 o+ a0 b> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ [- b; x% l: b4 O# T0 a, W+ s
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& Q* Y* A$ z$ T+ ^0 k( n> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ L; U9 C! _+ ?> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 J1 |! H- Q/ z+ l
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- Y/ y% U; Y3 F0 G1 j. O> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) m' \: h/ |$ [- u) J
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* @% C; o3 X1 X; q* D- ~6 V# N
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
1 w, R, j' S: u$ r7 [3 u* G! G> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  D" o" ^0 T; L9 ]7 S4 q" w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; Q( E/ k( N" p
> > in the cubicles.. H3 M# f( V1 S3 \- F! R
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" a! e. j4 p" E; {> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) D) y- r4 p. J* m/ T3 S4 J
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# A5 Z4 m* M8 e. h4 J4 j9 J
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 `! r5 _; y1 }7 e8 L> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 n: b2 u# f1 e: v$ W2 e* t, u) f> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  w  P/ u& }. o/ r8 l
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 F- V% y$ x9 R1 q8 ]
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
* B5 F( y& W  u3 l8 X+ _' X> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
+ g; z3 C, v% b2 e  F0 @8 {> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ W- Z. t' a% t/ k) ]9 @7 q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; t/ R6 x& A7 N: y2 [2 z2 r! S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 y) E, F/ B. `3 M> > maintain their average figure.
4 `2 O9 B; j. x& p> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time8 T7 H- U8 E0 W6 i5 i, L
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% Y; ^$ d+ {6 z0 |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" e. r( L5 Y; w! {, j& h1 Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 g& S4 O5 r; a$ x& B
> > employment experience.
- ?2 ?9 G1 q0 b+ J+ K> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 Y. R  u, H/ V, I3 w) q3 B# ]# N> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  H6 A5 G; G& U> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 d  }1 Q, `0 T, z( _' I9 k& u
> > directed elsewhere.