HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) T! Z9 g2 F1 |& S9 U! w
> >                     Effective January 2007* V# \0 M( y9 W3 }! v" ^, R
> >! v: y( t/ w0 s1 X/ q
> > Dress Code
, ^8 G% [& U: a% i" r1 m> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: G) A9 a  P& M> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  @' Y% j6 g6 A4 q7 W! j) l
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" w4 q0 e3 G1 w6 M3 B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 N9 ~  i7 ~  E3 ?$ Y2 f2 c> > need a pay raise.: E& r% |0 `- P" {8 m+ `3 \
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( `* @' B- n8 F$ \4 m4 g/ I- b> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 ^6 n& Y6 l3 i7 A; O7 U: l> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.2 L+ O* b; y6 Y0 w! f$ c
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 N' v4 n7 U8 E) e' p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% J' Y" M0 a* L8 U- `5 w, D> > raise.
3 ]( J- |6 Z4 _# M3 g  X4 p> >) r% R. T6 }. d' `$ d9 Z9 z
> > Sick Days/ C* H9 O& f9 Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( U4 `" J. l4 \
> > proof of sickness./ D& M8 \. |- j2 A1 ]/ F1 P+ ?3 o/ v
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 S2 K9 ~. r; J2 ^) U: i
> > to come to work.% P% f- @" `1 E9 P6 [6 Y+ p) i. i0 b! h! |
> >
2 p3 a9 O5 A1 x; Z; L+ V> > Holiday Days
3 Z6 p1 J9 t# d/ F' ?& c/ u> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 S( u- g- n/ P7 x: p; S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* M0 a0 m! l$ k7 z+ r+ n
> >( g/ Y0 A8 M: m# b8 c
> > Compassionate Leave
4 n* D6 H6 B: P# y- F% u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 T" l! P' w" p9 g: F
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 S& ~& v. Y) s. N8 r
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 X( I: R3 U( R> > employees attend to the arrangements.  U$ m) W7 x( V6 q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/ i: H: H' k0 D% _  H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: V" h4 o- \" |2 z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% R6 h$ C4 G" M( A: v0 U8 R: A1 d
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' N2 L! F( c. @% t( S4 C5 h# B! j
> > hour early.
2 K2 \$ ]. v9 d5 e0 X8 \> >- b6 o  s1 K: D- d4 k' a$ d
> > Toilet Use
2 b' t1 }/ y* M: I> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 K; W+ w3 `+ G2 ^; q* T> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 M9 ^  o. X7 }5 l, g4 x. ~
> > in the cubicles., F* D5 c$ m0 a- A
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- K* s; w/ i! l7 ?3 C8 R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 b, x. _6 k! O# f
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ [- p9 v4 C/ U, _> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( w% u" E7 q$ V0 d
> > posted on the company notice board under the
3 P3 O: p& e: L8 S5 f7 O+ K4 V> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 D  i. H9 z. i- i; g7 k
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, l2 s/ S* ?6 M6 i
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
* h6 M4 ^8 n& Z: ]' ]+ x> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break. l7 w0 y* W. v- X6 C( m/ m
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# }6 A4 r: [7 p( [! r$ e> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.1 I4 Y7 n6 f2 t; ~- ^
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! s: K0 |- c" t8 ]' X1 ^5 k  ?> > maintain their average figure.
1 s0 N0 v/ C1 O6 |3 F% x> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 O! ]; t; a  E# i% t* M
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- O4 c8 o' U# u6 E6 G- |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 y3 }8 g  ]7 w, F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" @  v1 X/ X" j% k8 h> > employment experience.- S4 d! \" \: [# F1 r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* Y. a  X0 r2 Z. X. Y2 c. r> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; V: U$ U' S) `5 v. p8 g9 O7 ~
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 M/ `' V: [! g7 I
> > directed elsewhere.