HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:9 n7 q* A, }5 h: }7 g- b" e
> >                     Effective January 2007
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, ?; G/ m6 E6 _  k> > Dress Code' _7 _0 n: {8 [8 Y' V6 p. d
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; c/ o& V" v0 z! n
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( K: x: ]% j$ N+ m! G9 f
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) L1 Z" i& r& I% F& h> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( L& b8 u; ^4 Q
> > need a pay raise.
; s0 {( M; U8 O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ Z- U& J1 x. e8 t
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, b7 A* k' M; T9 ^- j+ c0 N- K> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
$ M6 T7 u! H2 H/ w> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ K4 a( v; j* r, d> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; }. j' a3 x) H+ G> > raise.
+ \- m' w# G1 r4 U3 L' Y6 [> >
* L. }. {; O7 q9 r. _) s! i) Y6 t, |& W> > Sick Days9 p+ h, T  s" F$ O! C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% E5 f% \# a: g0 d' B; F) ?
> > proof of sickness.% {' T3 }( b5 b8 H2 A3 z7 C- x0 Y9 L
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, Q/ ~$ }2 e4 B4 H9 O
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days0 P4 {2 e. y8 j
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" _7 J6 }7 G: T' m3 y, v% n> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( s; C& O) \! H/ c7 t6 c; p" H3 M
> >
. z$ |* @6 [  J$ G> > Compassionate Leave
) v! l2 s5 l, z) }3 C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) a* J% s/ z- z! s4 E" A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  r; e" K# |8 a- n0 p0 L> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-0 r. ]' l; J- n* t) w9 x* Y
> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 x8 [- {4 y+ H9 ?
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
+ C# Z( S; l: T8 ]> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the7 G. l) m' @: j, e, Z/ Y
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work7 v9 G; Y/ n. L) d0 y' t8 }. H# k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
) @2 [! D( @2 f" S* `# e$ D. U> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
/ C% `! z) ^9 o% z/ N/ T3 y* z( J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 Q- b2 r( [# A1 I; M) M> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit" u3 z9 O6 n, b4 N8 ^  C
> > in the cubicles.9 q! p9 U4 j- q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) \2 Z3 _; j# ]/ B" a
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, o9 {" `- b. u( a0 J- `8 q, {/ |
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 Q; X# z* x3 [) [3 a> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' }. J1 P( ~7 S/ I" w4 s7 A
> > posted on the company notice board under the7 d1 }7 ~% q2 Y, @& E" w7 F
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( i( d) M$ f( h> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- K& @; E4 t* A, e1 T  f9 Y, k, V> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& Z( @! ?$ J, E* D5 O' `> > policy.
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/ S) p" c# S1 F+ _% i> > Lunch Break
4 q* P" Z$ d2 w- N> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( ^" l6 G& |6 k  R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 Y- n, [- j5 i) r# @* {1 y0 U+ P> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) h+ B& W9 `+ X2 ~1 C: j> > maintain their average figure.
$ {, _+ z+ f3 y7 m9 O  G3 W, M! b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time8 H  [# T9 {0 a  a+ [
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 e$ p! `+ A, R9 E( H> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ v% W1 P' k  \& |0 X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# [, |8 ?7 l; |% @" L+ j> > employment experience.
1 n1 r" F7 [* B- j% ~# U> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 M3 c  M8 x- P& |; [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," x9 O+ A) n5 j+ D' M" z# Q6 w
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ i3 i; ^% u6 B# U( A* f> > directed elsewhere.