HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 l% c( q: R# S1 \* m+ x> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code; P( n$ w2 j+ U5 b1 y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, N1 @( K4 S( {3 D7 n
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% h9 i7 L$ N6 @; Q  D$ P. S> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' m& q7 ^" D- ^+ r) {' i
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 J" ~; x3 [7 P& Y+ q! \
> > need a pay raise.
: P6 {/ H* m: V$ M> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: Y( i- ^( A: ]1 N> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, ~+ R9 b5 A0 Y" |; W! {
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ l. e: F! O! X/ C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 q, g/ a4 m! s+ P> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 A! @& r' V0 ^. O5 F$ j3 Y9 j$ v> > raise.
$ _" o* a3 [& n& S" N% V> >
) u; q  I& T7 w- b! g> > Sick Days, O9 B/ ^& F. s. c
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as+ b- p( q& _, R2 r
> > proof of sickness.
5 g5 a1 R" ]3 j% G+ B* p0 M> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
* G! O+ J' m7 t, x4 H0 f> > to come to work.: _! Q4 x& i9 k, s# L9 M
> >
3 ^6 T' X9 k  W) b$ X4 {2 r1 F> > Holiday Days7 p: g/ l, I- }- Z% S* |* V! l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a. N* v! W4 A! Y  O
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' E8 O: h& O7 I. i, {2 `> >
+ H" t0 K  u& A; c, B> > Compassionate Leave
- ]% R) o: d) v: U# `> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 l8 @0 W3 M6 F
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
' X  a( p' f0 w2 ?( c> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  O- ^2 ~/ W9 ^& o& W; K! M. f
> > employees attend to the arrangements.- b$ B0 p6 {4 O' v% i) o3 X" R
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 t6 w- j6 n& o+ w  s% ~9 Z( U( G
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the* a2 Q, D/ S$ g9 ~0 U' W
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) c* H) u6 A. x: |7 [
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one  U' }) ?4 y3 _$ D* P
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use6 i. ?2 |" Q4 e8 R
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; ?$ J1 Z0 c/ Z  Y/ ^3 S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 h2 F- K! ^1 \3 Z8 `% B0 i7 M3 W> > in the cubicles.1 P/ S7 A0 z) S( }+ y# [
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. _1 K+ D& q2 T# I8 F: B6 g$ |3 c" ^> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 g( e. B8 U/ k
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- u1 D! e) v* \* T4 H1 U5 A0 K/ o> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
. j' z$ i- ?+ D6 R> > posted on the company notice board under the6 D" W1 [6 x) c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. l$ _( u# a4 L: X- D> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 J. Q/ ^. D7 q" A7 h% Q2 {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health  f( v+ t! J" n. C$ F( n% H# |
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
+ l  g, E& @: D> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 J; D1 Y) ^) N6 V* S* b. T> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) v! I$ E5 _$ m  H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. m8 W( z) I# O0 `! P/ d
> > maintain their average figure.. ]4 Y7 V  A6 |+ W2 k
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" h8 f6 T' W4 K% ?1 {> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 Q2 `6 m% C1 [% g> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are  m; K9 x! v3 @6 d7 @! x
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( I9 Q! _0 A" h
> > employment experience.: ^6 T4 v1 L, G, _! i+ R+ j
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: V% |4 u& h. o
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 }8 o) s- l, G6 L0 j7 f> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( v7 p/ W4 F& a0 ]* f  Y% I2 g8 D- ]
> > directed elsewhere.