HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* v) F( w- c. G' h" h) _5 h1 E, z
> >                     Effective January 2007- d0 {" J9 w5 o* L& b
> >
& ~+ T6 U' `- \> > Dress Code
- M5 f4 H8 x* r> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- |+ G  j% E  [" K> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 T6 M7 W8 j. {. _- J8 K* n* s
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 b" y/ p- m8 j/ D, U6 w> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( {* I/ Z( [% P" L3 c! S3 K' ^> > need a pay raise.( T; Y* p. A$ y, n
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% Q' O* r  C6 M# {, j/ S> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( S9 {4 ^. H; |2 ~8 W# f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: v3 W0 Y1 K- M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& i- b2 @+ A. K, F$ s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ [7 G+ @* z( }. v
> > raise.9 R! z4 n& C( y: F3 }5 C
> >  h5 z0 w; H1 o9 O
> > Sick Days/ F# S  F/ Q7 H; a8 s4 ~, w5 r3 t
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" v7 y6 t; y3 C& q+ ]" F> > proof of sickness.
, @! N4 i: p. v> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 r  J1 B! v; q1 F% l/ P- {> > to come to work.
5 i+ |( x" I( |4 W: Q1 e# c> >
6 k4 e# V$ [  p0 {4 X0 W! k> > Holiday Days# j4 M& r# O( j0 g* I
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* K. b2 p% [* k7 [# e
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
2 e- _  {+ \4 ?) v! P  n> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& u! e" l6 ^2 a, P
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" T. b+ k; V8 @1 [, y
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 w8 i4 s4 v! W> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ q! k. ]: ?9 Z- P> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ N% O& Q2 G2 W( S( X, D2 {
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& @0 a( l. y% {6 W, |% ~5 k" y
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( [+ R' }' o2 l' f& x> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 w) I, E* g' I' u6 M5 P> > hour early.
1 _; Z3 G8 L# o1 ?> >
! \7 k+ O# d: @> > Toilet Use$ }6 f2 g: U9 m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# _! h; Z# f, n& H. U; m
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
  M! M5 l  c1 R. \* ?> > in the cubicles.
0 q+ ]6 o, e' w4 X> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- ]7 Z. b, e' c) O8 _1 G, B1 D$ o> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" _; t2 q( x9 |- Y$ x8 B( T
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# Q2 n% U3 c: a( ?* s' ]> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' V" M! I' N, ?" i. s
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 ?- V( `) P7 X! ~6 w
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% ?9 l8 {5 Y! n
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' s" @6 f9 |6 x8 Z  D  E: R2 t
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health5 [, y/ ~/ @0 C$ t6 Z
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
2 P7 ?+ K3 \0 R- t. T: C8 h& M> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: b! N5 e" u% i. P& J% y/ J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." v5 `6 x1 }( w% a( d
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: ^( E" e" U$ H) o" R2 e1 }) Q: h8 ]> > maintain their average figure.
# K0 ?& j4 k! Z1 I/ S$ r> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time. m! @! _, ], ]. x1 i' N" Y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
" \* ?! o  \3 ~> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# @4 s; U& J* r( C7 A  R  l0 P
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 L" f4 ?  Z5 R
> > employment experience.
- X/ ]( r! e& ]: O> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 c0 ]9 ]% e+ a* {) e
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 x$ w. u5 j7 B3 r) U
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! U& B  m3 U8 D  ~> > directed elsewhere.