HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; o2 a/ L- p6 f
> >                     Effective January 2007
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. y  p5 f% r8 m  g/ ^. m> > Dress Code: }9 ?% y+ ^7 n# G
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" d: i' u+ K( R
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& T0 P: `. f) x* l, ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: `" w2 m7 }; f% n' ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 e7 p6 n% B9 x) M2 u; C> > need a pay raise.
* v% e9 N" v# p9 P4 @> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 ?7 N- x8 G: l- y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 E6 d# ^) f+ }) Z% l  P
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& l) ~! O& C. F9 R8 m> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) ~( ?2 [3 n. O1 Y# ^4 K0 m  L, s( z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ K2 }% }/ E: K. o7 f5 g
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
. G! A% ?/ f- c. s/ \( @1 H& D3 F> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# g9 \7 s" q4 ~5 K* y8 t. X. N2 b> > proof of sickness.% I: A# P7 W9 a0 E  s6 z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) q% t& K! T  ]4 O> > to come to work.
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1 q- ~3 y( b( i. a" [> > Holiday Days9 X) y0 n$ t* i4 L6 w( L
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 J3 \7 i+ e) c$ C> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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) A/ u) ]8 }3 t" @: l0 ]> > Compassionate Leave" Z. q5 V$ _4 z3 n1 a; \% C  C
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" h# Y2 `5 e5 T/ ~( J> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# I  u/ n! O! f. l% D' ^% v9 l
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# W, T4 W% a* H/ m4 F. i2 a$ A9 ^
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 \0 Q4 g/ H* {" d, a> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 ~7 ]6 a3 O3 _$ V: s$ a
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, V( ]. p: s7 O: Y! `) S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  Z$ a' ~" D! z/ P/ Z$ ?' T! C! d  ~> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one9 }9 E8 y; Z# i, s7 `8 W+ K( a0 P, y
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
# [& U9 D: |" Z; q8 ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 S" }, X5 u9 Q6 d/ f4 u, v> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
. m1 I* X& @/ B8 O  `( T> > in the cubicles.
" M1 a+ e& ?7 k! n/ {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, C1 y8 \+ }% O! B+ G& T> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# B! i2 x6 n. q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
+ }1 p! K* t, m' T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be- D  Z% @( w, z8 ]* Y( ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the' t1 H& O4 R0 u) f: F5 E5 q
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
  W; w0 Z8 r4 H2 a  c> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 i0 m9 j8 }/ Y& J> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& ?8 M. @# A4 O( C# l
> > policy.- f9 j: ?  |- Q3 ^2 s' P4 b
> >
# S! B. r/ `8 i& j> > Lunch Break
) [0 U4 e3 X4 X1 W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they. l. c, k! ]6 {; F6 w( \* Z! ]% H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ ~: a+ }% A6 P" D" p5 h
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
7 B2 P- Z  i  F+ J, p8 v> > maintain their average figure.
; n6 q, K  a, R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 E6 H+ m5 H7 Y* r( `& I4 b
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 |( l7 `& ~1 O) i; K# B" S; [; ]
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  w5 O  G. L. z! y! F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) [% W# h) Q3 N- {" c
> > employment experience.3 j  h3 Q( F7 y8 q: P
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 y1 o. z/ i( p) Q4 Q% O$ |
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( m  A9 @) O& `( X) o
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- t( x& r3 t: @& k+ n
> > directed elsewhere.