HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
' h% g& H- F0 q9 D; j2 T> >                     Effective January 2007
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) z6 _  D& ]$ |" A( n, k  _> > Dress Code! X: F7 ^( ]4 c( u% _+ B
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 e7 T9 ], S$ p  @8 h
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 F- v! M. ]+ x5 ]: r0 d
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ y: H+ z3 W' ]- l- d0 c9 k; ?
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- h# _  B- ?" T- f7 V1 L+ z+ v
> > need a pay raise.
) T, i' d4 t7 ^6 d+ v5 u6 |# u> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 O8 {6 Y. K8 D  n) r> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 M# }. S; r3 l6 w+ H& J0 `9 ]9 D
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
  Y! o/ e, {! v* Z/ l, ~> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 p( A# i2 F; [5 I' N# R
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  N5 }7 O! H) n
> > raise.% x$ T$ Y- c8 y* Y# F( v( ^+ s
> >6 ?1 N& J. }( ^. Z# v
> > Sick Days
" U. m. V( ?9 a7 g> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ C9 C0 d/ Q; n
> > proof of sickness.) {2 E3 b8 v- H; W. c6 W& e
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& g$ K* s9 h) w' L; M
> > to come to work.+ P1 H- {; c! ^4 L* C3 t# ~3 j
> >
" \1 ?! L2 ], f> > Holiday Days3 \; y% q1 u  @% d/ n/ ^1 V, x9 N! K
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: J9 g. @$ n- i9 c
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( o2 P; k$ Y1 M> >
' f4 U# j0 I: H( l  N, e: x, p> > Compassionate Leave
% d" E8 c" V0 A! X" ^> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, S& t  `( U# T" {> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# Y* l% T6 U$ k3 v7 _
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 k4 D. p( L3 q' {7 ~> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 j  u" T" c! m0 U0 z% b
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 W4 G: B. B; P$ Y) v, k( H" i. p% v8 D> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
3 i1 T! C1 n% m# h9 O& j1 `> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 n5 h& _! z& A7 @" r) e> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# x  s: {/ A2 s- b' v> > hour early.
7 A: h6 r8 i( @& L+ Y> >
' `; j# a( \- \5 _3 R  _> > Toilet Use$ v/ k/ R/ a* c$ D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 o6 x  L5 O$ M6 Z; b: Y7 q$ w% y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' W6 `+ T# B7 ~* @' B6 h> > in the cubicles.
1 s8 R$ y4 G' L; q/ C> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# p8 o; W- a2 S4 c* d  X6 U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& ?/ U- y+ w! w4 O" M2 D2 x; T
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 g! |) \7 k7 v% }4 d! S* Q+ a; Q> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) V7 O( G) L( K- V6 w/ W8 G) @> > posted on the company notice board under the
& h) [; Q8 j7 u+ H' s( @' K' h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: @2 y1 w0 ]+ V& n* a' z! T) m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' I0 U/ T8 ^: J
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ W7 l  k, n2 U; S2 @0 M, ^% M0 U
> > policy.* s) a7 j2 y8 r1 t& Q8 X4 c
> >
3 x7 |* Z- X7 N> > Lunch Break
7 ]- B' n5 ]1 j6 o5 E0 F> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- ?  C4 n) f# I8 g# O> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 @$ N, C4 x/ o. h1 _# D> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 b! X. m4 ?8 G! Q& u2 F: p* G> > maintain their average figure.8 D( w& o9 ?: y- o( S( ^9 @1 v
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 I# ~4 I4 k9 C  J> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 Z/ E# m( Q% f2 p) r> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
# L4 \' l5 x( H2 f& K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 x% ~% S5 A- G" m
> > employment experience.  n$ G2 j" A& ]" u* t5 \
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ o5 ^$ |( }+ E8 l4 C* w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; [. P6 }1 p9 a. G" K> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( k6 i: h1 K: w( W7 T) t+ i
> > directed elsewhere.