HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" m/ y0 C8 H7 p4 [. D6 v! i% g, y
> >                     Effective January 2007  Y, v! ~5 C$ u2 E1 Y* `
> >
& ~2 ~$ D/ s; p: G- ~; z3 N> > Dress Code
5 h( h' _' d! ^, N! g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 o! K% \! i! T9 F" U
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ o: ^0 ^% R1 R; M7 n. m> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' x  `* L8 r/ I% j5 m> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
3 L3 h* A1 g) a" x, z, ?/ Q> > need a pay raise.9 G9 T+ L0 B. S; L1 G6 L
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ z2 Z- `6 H% g' k1 o# I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ E5 R9 q4 y: _% W
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( a$ Z0 ]7 r' u% O# t> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) S- f- c- f  t> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% X, E4 m  o3 Y, V" Z0 ~> > raise.
+ ~- r. _& o  N- W3 h) d4 M> >
  f* \8 O0 i! V( ]> > Sick Days% ]/ U. [& j5 q$ ]3 g1 a7 ~( J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
3 ^8 Y# R4 a/ [) r> > proof of sickness.
# J; f% d( E: E> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 M: W9 E0 ^' t* A" q; R1 ^+ L
> > to come to work.: E8 O$ \& e6 |0 c9 }) }
> >+ N/ w% m" h  z6 z
> > Holiday Days: G- e$ e( o' y4 M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* f3 K" v8 m0 {$ e! o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 w% E* d/ s; Q7 l& g
> >+ V6 n$ {( R/ _, I
> > Compassionate Leave
7 B, \  \* X2 L# X6 E8 O> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ e) q3 W0 J* r8 Q. ^  T& g- w, P' f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) w4 `  O& \) y( w/ I1 p# w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 d/ ]0 a8 w) F1 r> > employees attend to the arrangements.% c+ Y! K: u2 }4 \; K; {# T4 l, C
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
9 @/ M/ G* W9 f9 n0 ?4 m% I' f8 L> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
+ s+ a, V# `" w( R> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
, {- ?! Z1 T& t4 |> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. p1 L0 D4 T& z) p8 H$ ~" \" Q> > hour early.6 l7 J  f* s( t0 _# t! C' Z
> >
6 F! i' {9 D+ H8 W' i% X> > Toilet Use- D# s. ~- x% N6 L  q) [% r0 X
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 X3 ]/ F4 A. M0 {5 R> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  G7 N/ q) Q0 r2 ^% Y7 {
> > in the cubicles., Y- u- ?% X& \3 a! v, {- O) j5 G
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ M4 Z  K& F8 `
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 X) ?" `8 j6 x! x> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' X0 w; g7 K8 ~' _' W: j6 E$ u> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be. a* |! ~" o, r/ K$ V
> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 X7 \$ A- ?! K. H> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 n% |# b8 S: W) ~" i4 z& Z! Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% G& B% U  Y$ d$ P> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 y+ d- I4 K7 p7 X" O> > policy.
' |6 O2 Y: ^; b" u1 w+ r> >, b) K5 c. ]+ o( ^' d: r5 \+ W
> > Lunch Break7 x, p2 G% c: O, u/ W& W. c
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
1 Z( h# Y; Z+ G* n, p> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( V2 R/ Q, r" L; |7 m; s; e
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: ^$ A5 J# Z1 H! p5 y' Z; v- p
> > maintain their average figure.
' X" r8 l$ u5 F* m> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 E1 r: n  z' K2 E' j; l
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 x0 J3 T$ _9 f9 B2 N
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; O* [1 {9 Z4 b' M
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ G  K7 @  v# n5 P> > employment experience.
' ~0 n' B+ G. h0 A2 Z9 H, X: r> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,) N. ]3 i9 r/ t8 W% g
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ ?+ s4 X+ @& Y* E1 z/ c9 c> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, v: [- z. C% Y' R; \8 V4 H
> > directed elsewhere.