HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" A% F9 Y) D; F6 W3 P  X/ V/ d
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code" k4 U) a9 w" `7 ?0 h% t5 z# }
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 Q, v, x8 }9 |& [
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& d$ ~' B: I" s9 c' z3 [0 Z2 f
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* B7 Q1 u# `8 S, _! }) w  D
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 E0 b- X" n! n% N> > need a pay raise.1 d# E- g' W& R9 K* d  K
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# j3 L1 a4 y( v1 Y' E8 D1 v6 X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
' b; X0 ~: _+ I: a& L" w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 ?; l* Z' Z4 z3 h5 ]# W4 l' V% E> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
1 s" a+ L8 E7 i* U9 M> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- L' i) Y* J* B% V9 m; G
> > raise./ r0 R; a- x" q; W/ ]4 w% G9 @6 E
> >
: b; J* Y/ u0 y9 X& s" t$ e* c> > Sick Days
' p$ _6 }& R- L/ I1 i+ T3 H  B> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! q' ?- P& M: `/ C# Z
> > proof of sickness.
* Z* j+ n6 F2 b; ~> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& a2 v8 h, M7 d
> > to come to work.. A  O! @* o: t, b  {) R
> >
7 [' [( g( [$ W$ g% D> > Holiday Days
5 Q' A$ m, z6 i> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: j, B& o" S% T
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.7 v( M: {( d* E/ _- `
> >
9 @6 v2 N% u( ?- Q: M+ Y> > Compassionate Leave
4 v8 Q0 A& W  R8 ^> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 U0 v; Q- {( U4 ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-6 B4 e& R  s' C/ W: \! y/ z' \: f
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 Z' N1 A! h8 i1 C7 b> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ e' P1 t  H- i+ M, n> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: Z5 K! y" Q, ?7 M9 `  B> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: z+ w3 M: K; V' H$ n2 n* `> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! Z  W( E, q6 W9 v. z# y9 ?  M9 i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 u# }3 {  u/ e: q' t> > hour early.
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' y# [4 v+ W0 A! }) p& |> > Toilet Use6 X* e# }* F& N+ U0 R! r0 H
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 i; f$ D4 O* w' ]; v
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 Z% |2 t. _+ E* A8 |) r& w
> > in the cubicles.% n! p3 d- v! d! `" o0 v) H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will8 S7 C1 k. e$ t, q$ W
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. D$ `0 e( G' O+ `' Z- Q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: {1 @& g) X0 v; I9 [. S> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& D; S& l. }! v7 w* c  v5 y  d> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 s# N  f% ]6 \0 l* ?> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 J2 o* k1 N7 l. k- f! t1 P+ `
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 Y7 z% S1 F' z6 `0 k6 o6 r> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 I4 j2 I2 J7 y5 ^/ b# t> > policy.
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5 I) d; y0 V- ~. P% ?) ]* P$ D# ^> > Lunch Break
3 L# a) Y6 h1 _( f3 n9 K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' Q9 b- Y! B5 P! s9 r# `0 a$ ?
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( k) q% U- B& |  @* G) h; Z0 {  [> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. h5 q1 t& T* g, m( _$ Q
> > maintain their average figure.
+ k+ f4 u& d+ B6 D% A> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 m5 O7 P! F% q$ T7 R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  Q7 d: D; c& r  ?5 F! k1 c: j> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
% m* Q$ L" r( e/ H> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
( ~! Z7 s% G( b4 J0 G, m7 n7 G# i> > employment experience.
& p& |* T8 i9 Y! u# a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,6 ]& d( c. Y! r/ s/ _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, G/ e, G- P2 D> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 V$ ^. O0 L& k3 n. K
> > directed elsewhere.