HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
5 u; j) v8 _: j6 d9 E* x0 o+ X. w> >                     Effective January 20079 A9 j* p; B# Q0 Y* b
> >
7 I( y! ]# T- }- k2 g8 ^> > Dress Code4 I) k$ @  E0 f- e" Z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 ?% D' r, e2 h9 Z( A- w
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
* G6 Z* j$ \6 O1 H" P: k2 d5 i> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( T& X# l$ p6 i4 a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 L+ p. X, a: x! ~' }$ O> > need a pay raise.
0 l( q. G: P/ S. m- X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ q) K' r3 s% l
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& n$ K, y0 t2 [+ g8 w( E: B> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 c$ a; o( H8 z5 w- ~: F  C  l
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) z" `+ V0 g7 p/ H4 U. _+ s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay6 \) K+ n9 G4 R6 X! n& y
> > raise.7 K( I" R& \7 F6 ?7 @8 d2 ~9 ^
> >6 s' ?/ a. S/ A- S0 A8 l7 a* d
> > Sick Days  Z' S; ~4 t: X! [$ X
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: y4 P4 [2 ~5 a9 ^  f6 \- g
> > proof of sickness.* W" |/ l0 s* x( Q( d% d) e6 e
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* V7 ]* o' h9 \$ o- ?
> > to come to work.  x7 o0 W+ f: F; D$ U8 w
> >. E# ^  b# F  ?  C8 |
> > Holiday Days% A* C, j3 [' P' W0 `+ d8 b( X
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 j1 Y! B3 t2 P5 K5 K4 U
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
9 y! h9 d0 L# x2 t( Y> >: Z. `; r, ^4 J/ e- ^# E
> > Compassionate Leave
2 \, X2 P$ ]# l( \* p% |8 U! ]7 q/ h> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 N) p8 o5 O9 B9 F, M* \9 ?5 V
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; a$ g9 \6 V+ A' s! h! D> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 ?# Y- M' u# U' ?7 v- o7 ?% R> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 j! X3 u* k# a- u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! K. z2 [6 W- W" X) x& s% Y, C
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, _; Y% w2 \5 ?. c7 Z) S> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
7 u% j, q. d) S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; [- |) N+ R$ y9 O. D3 [( |0 d4 F> > hour early.5 ?7 @# R3 N, T3 H
> >
2 v: J* v" ]% f4 \+ \+ Z> > Toilet Use- m' D2 G% o0 I6 _+ J! ~7 |
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 C) W1 [3 e- p+ Y& |& L3 [3 f7 k> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; c# p/ x6 t5 e
> > in the cubicles.5 P; G4 J  b5 \$ t$ |' U( B5 e7 ]: b
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 O/ ^2 J* m& a# X( P  z: N
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# O5 z- C4 p4 k5 m! B' y& U
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
* d/ q5 M5 I+ v) M1 w0 ~. a1 L> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# o) g+ i$ r0 S" C% d/ Z6 c- m
> > posted on the company notice board under the
- f) D4 S4 @; W8 E9 G' F2 x> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 o( h$ B6 _5 i> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
/ O& \1 M* b& ?; L  y* F$ V> > sanctioned under the company's mental health5 |7 r4 p6 j% R- w2 y. p" V( ]
> > policy.) B- Z5 \$ x8 \$ h: a( E- l. Y6 p
> >; j. T" U0 F4 C& s9 l3 ]
> > Lunch Break, Y" L2 t7 U6 g" E' E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 B& Y3 m2 {/ b> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: J) N. S+ {& d5 v! o> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* }8 ~: B' V% {
> > maintain their average figure.. Q1 h  e+ g0 R! E: \
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: I  D; V, ?  o8 b) b  T3 \! {
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 C: C2 a8 C; U+ \' h7 G7 W> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 O5 y; H* r1 s
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* f1 t! m. r6 c$ b8 d# c
> > employment experience.7 W) i* @6 i, P; M+ ]
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# v$ }  A! f# v( ~, N
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. [* _0 z. D! G: }  `3 T& M
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 N* \  n  ?3 n  A  H1 X
> > directed elsewhere.