HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:3 Q/ p( X$ w  w5 @7 u, `$ c
> >                     Effective January 20071 s4 ^1 P2 ]4 C4 q
> >
+ C* h) x. w4 B7 D> > Dress Code" F+ D9 P( G8 g/ ?3 [& a! a* E
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 F! r) p+ m5 w1 J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' y  r3 a% N, E% G6 x' D1 G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' O/ S4 N  Q- d9 k0 u6 Q- {1 a> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 s( t8 E4 m2 F( k" e& X! g4 w% f> > need a pay raise.: }$ ^2 I5 C. ~4 r4 E( v/ @3 `0 @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
8 H& e+ R" l2 }% [8 A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 ?3 j( T3 P  l8 t8 R5 v$ q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# N8 J; A: g5 t% _! [* L, y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
9 \, j0 i8 P; |, E' A/ O> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) R8 o! F2 a3 c" }
> > raise.# Z8 J: e1 F- M7 P. H
> >$ L$ t/ \4 C* X/ q+ K/ f" z9 e" z
> > Sick Days
1 [# C8 D1 f9 o7 R- T# o> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- x0 P* C1 B" O0 }0 G# ^# b
> > proof of sickness.' C2 n7 N) A3 j* n- t
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 f" v1 `$ o+ K7 a( }4 N
> > to come to work.
1 X: r; [8 _8 A4 }9 S> >
1 O# n; L7 w' j! y9 q> > Holiday Days% e- F) Z% w2 K4 V2 q5 a# s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ ]  t; J7 @% H8 ~1 T> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
, U2 n# L% _5 k: ~5 T( e9 v> >
4 J; ~. b2 n2 s4 N6 \9 @> > Compassionate Leave
0 q" \! v- k7 y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" A, |$ P, b, @) H> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- ]' a2 `* E& Y% H$ \) l4 _# g( R
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% }7 b2 M  ]2 e
> > employees attend to the arrangements./ D0 u# W5 }; _, |' d) F
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 p3 o, U8 R+ T: f, T- O/ g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 ~- Q, `0 Z" u3 m: f$ c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 C+ o9 `4 M7 g  @" L4 A( L
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
) g3 S# j: P2 m> > hour early.$ p! m# W2 [* k
> >
1 ~. s/ P1 c+ l( W+ |4 M& E; B  {> > Toilet Use
9 @$ O/ u+ ~% A" |6 R1 e! z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the  m6 N$ ]- g$ k" U' b
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: X+ H& m1 I/ s7 |> > in the cubicles.
8 y$ B# _' R5 T+ M( c% T> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ L* q' A% o* t  N( q. x: ]$ o# e3 `
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: t8 q* {5 T2 a- r* f( C
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# ^7 T, L( C" m$ k+ w8 D: ?> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be- s* H- w8 O. x) |! c/ o" r
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 A/ s0 M! X+ I- p2 o; B3 X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 [: M4 M4 w+ |. F8 |7 O; _' ^, ]+ z+ [> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
5 _+ d' i- n3 M5 \; F. U> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 b0 h8 F2 ^! ]! [
> > policy.5 f) A  E, _( ^; |0 C: m5 I5 `
> >4 W/ e2 U2 _0 H% y6 \  I2 S; y3 x/ P
> > Lunch Break; _- h& Q# {6 P
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 f( m0 o& ^1 k6 `6 b+ ?5 S% e> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& o1 F0 ~4 ~( N8 i8 M> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; z# O" N& S0 ]2 t+ H8 A> > maintain their average figure.
) Q% G: c7 h' G7 b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
7 D! i3 c  V2 @, n, [' X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
" o" E" G* U5 I, L  s" t> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
% @0 i8 m4 i  I> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 Z. Z8 s6 w" U! K9 b1 m
> > employment experience.  V" e) z; X# K. F+ |- @
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
3 }8 n/ o0 V7 E% I/ ?( n- E> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& _0 L4 X1 _9 Q4 }: x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 \7 D1 N" ~: v, [7 z* i/ H3 [2 R
> > directed elsewhere.