HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ b6 i% T1 r. Z> >                     Effective January 2007
7 @4 b$ z- q  S> >
9 U1 s7 j/ `* }> > Dress Code
7 C4 r, U: a" z4 b- T+ M/ Z8 y3 K, p> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 D! s) s( t6 @0 a5 Y: z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# Z9 i7 j! ]/ q' F# v% ~
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- v9 w/ B0 q/ A5 n! q# p' d
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! E8 u5 u( U/ d) r
> > need a pay raise.3 L" V1 o9 A: Y  N
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. h; V  b9 [8 M% G5 Z9 k> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" |. w# z+ \# A0 U0 W  ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* f) [5 w" u4 k2 d7 _% Y3 J> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ ?! {" a! n* R% V8 X! f
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" C* j2 c' C% v, G+ b> > raise.' N$ Q( h5 w% A+ ^6 l7 T
> >
. K) @. u0 L3 ^1 t> > Sick Days
4 H, c1 f4 U8 h1 D3 H0 b7 r> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 m3 {2 v0 n+ i4 O% @3 w) a> > proof of sickness.
* ~" }! L$ q/ D6 D" G* c; z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
, W- ?3 O! k9 ?$ A* n> > to come to work.
* V, q2 K- \2 F1 {: A1 b  v> >. F( A! I7 k; ]. ]3 @5 P7 m
> > Holiday Days
; ]- c, m* E3 N% f/ E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, r- m) b! U" `% c2 ^* \> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
4 I* N" X* \) e3 x/ H+ z# \> ># h$ Q, e( C. m* u; z
> > Compassionate Leave
$ ^) \- p% b  @> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; }5 R5 Y6 u; {# e> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( F5 p5 Q  h% k1 b> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 t: ?! _) @& ^1 c& P9 N" N8 {1 n> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% q1 I. `% o# R, ^> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( J' Z( {' o, |5 j5 ~) {/ e
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 l$ o& x8 T5 E& g1 U0 |
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, j: f! }4 h% m# Z9 q* Z8 V
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; N& |/ ]4 H% a# D2 g0 ~* A5 Z$ C> > hour early.: j8 B$ @; I# g- |( Q
> >
2 C2 N6 ]1 c$ {7 r* c! p2 w  H> > Toilet Use
+ L0 j& _) q+ k3 z! _4 f* O> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 p0 N  J6 d0 A7 ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 |' g% N. u$ c9 ^, Z! |> > in the cubicles.* o" ^2 ^/ @# |& T! e. U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, ?5 D8 K* _( T8 I> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; `1 P# ]; w3 E4 z! K) D8 b" p8 Q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* m6 p; r, e2 ^, L2 r6 r# D
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ w7 T2 k4 X+ P# c> > posted on the company notice board under the( K2 \0 j* }6 y- E: Z/ a* \. _
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 q! C# z% o' C; y9 `( A- E, ?
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 s( _2 c! J! Z9 d) U
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ ?% m% L+ O1 a8 ?; y. }) |> > policy.: ]6 [7 i# |& B% D
> >) ?: t1 {; z0 W8 g6 [8 o- K9 ~
> > Lunch Break
0 H+ t! [& J4 ]- R% k> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: @( c" B5 X+ F) e- O
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 y/ e' B6 Z5 _' i' I. _/ N5 |9 H
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 O" L8 m* p: g$ O- Y
> > maintain their average figure.
% [5 q# o! d5 S4 [' j> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 j  }$ y8 V! u* E7 u> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
" y! X4 w& B# k9 r> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
6 w; i. I$ f2 v1 J# U  R) n> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% f+ w) t+ [# o. E3 e6 U  r+ ?> > employment experience.
3 c, p( e) K8 ~8 E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 T! q  L# g7 ?+ C4 {- E
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( k# Y* `. ]) e# n! u3 s$ B
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 e6 m, d' H& q: T1 M- J% |
> > directed elsewhere.