HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
, D$ r: k/ l  v7 U1 E> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
+ s( Y* Y- @& W, \> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* c6 U! c3 ^% i, P> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' Y. U/ S* J8 C$ f* n5 o3 L
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 `7 F+ }/ z1 N, J+ s9 {; J$ a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, p2 b, u1 e  ?' U5 U5 L
> > need a pay raise.; \( x. o2 D% h
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 I: ?: `+ U+ ~9 r
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ b: e8 {7 ?2 f# r> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., ]8 d5 g# B+ ~
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
+ n+ u* ^1 S: f/ x! q* R> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
, x  [3 o: q: M> > raise.! _- c9 Y; l8 i0 D
> >" N% n% V! A& D  g4 f
> > Sick Days6 T( y% s& B7 w6 Y+ g
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ r) Q7 B' z1 Q; s) m! v> > proof of sickness.
1 ?; w( G2 a5 Y) P> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 u% k5 p: ~- p4 j/ L* B; l, s
> > to come to work.5 r+ K. Q! ~# y, y
> >
, V: ~& y  q5 n: {> > Holiday Days; t: x6 Z4 X1 i# ~+ T% m
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; o/ z' t2 z! D" [& @8 R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
+ ^' ~' q% ?$ }> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 \  w; l/ F5 Q  W% v
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 p/ d$ _; X' a" p
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 H( l( S7 z$ W> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. v# H6 b, T( K' a% d> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* p4 X1 M% F# e9 p4 Q" s/ V> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- c/ u& s; X- g0 z. M
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 B7 j4 l; {5 n1 O  C# p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# \/ I, l1 j9 I( E/ T
> > hour early./ S+ @! H# O  G+ P9 X. q
> >
. V! d7 l. w3 X/ D0 q8 ~0 a> > Toilet Use
/ }9 X  x4 {+ u5 P2 C" Q6 s1 e> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: \7 e$ D; \6 g1 `
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- {) C) i$ |+ B( C" |
> > in the cubicles.2 \* F" k: u' Y# f# k; O
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 M/ o' N2 \6 t3 A! P> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 E2 R, i# {9 Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 ~: G! r, Y, r# G
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 Y7 o% }( n% k. |' U) b, L- I> > posted on the company notice board under the& x+ _* N; U# y4 d8 h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.! P+ T. I! f" k& t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ f, t6 a% H4 D' ?" b- J> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ ?8 Q- k5 Z" s5 A  C6 v> > policy.' `- q' x( A% |4 N/ N
> >
& V1 J) k; L6 @! f: ^> > Lunch Break0 Y6 n6 z/ f' e( t9 s& x. _
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 l) s+ x# y1 q( \# r> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.1 j! O8 r7 I$ \' H8 S9 F: L5 m$ J4 d. ]
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
9 a/ H' W2 z* N1 m$ V- X2 T' \> > maintain their average figure.
, c: ~+ ]5 A: x: _: x3 T: [> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: t7 j' i0 d$ {" E: Z. G  M; b" i> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., |0 n( W/ B& t6 Y# l
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ B6 t! n6 u/ a$ N7 U% B) B> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 {, @! c  C' L2 W' S
> > employment experience.. b6 X" R0 ]* S/ q8 H0 j9 m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) T) n- z/ H, B> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  O1 g- y4 b! R$ e8 G> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 O9 Z1 b. E9 ?# w7 ~> > directed elsewhere.