HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; a3 J% H2 j) Y" v2 T
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
4 N  ]( R  b. u7 x- c( [> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
7 q1 ?  c% E! O7 Y" g$ Y& E> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 o! i2 w8 \% l( |7 R7 }> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, w; Q4 i% @5 ^- j2 v3 g$ y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, I! O8 B4 A5 G+ Y> > need a pay raise.# G3 x) e8 X# e
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 J1 I; K9 l/ K% u+ k
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& f$ {, Q7 t$ {% O> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 K  M1 T4 e3 \3 D  f5 l
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% u; ~+ p0 \5 z4 X- R
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  x  _& k6 F. o9 C3 W> > raise.- v# z: t( T7 D
> >+ u1 u) k" Z* e& w7 v( p
> > Sick Days% }2 J/ ^% q' T. D3 ]" p0 n2 R
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# ?3 p" G% C/ r8 Z# K% n> > proof of sickness.
: Z/ q  H4 n: k* R( C: t> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 |% y1 U0 i" g# u; k> > to come to work.
( j2 h1 |6 d( c4 X1 Q+ S> >
/ n( K% o- d5 R+ n  ?8 C> > Holiday Days
# r" ^- z. c! E. {' m, R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, T7 z; U) q3 K5 p" k# ^# z5 I9 O# z> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., U7 n, P. Q5 h. u) P9 c
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> > Compassionate Leave
) o: H1 d* T1 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ j7 G) v" ]! p7 x+ v> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 p$ L6 |3 A+ M$ P* e> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-" S- R& a: y0 U9 B
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 \% w, [5 V/ N> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ B: S  T+ d( ~4 ]
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 b" F& }- {) c" V- e3 l/ b) h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 D5 F' [, {# S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ Y4 }) Z+ f. u> > hour early.
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3 i( a$ n0 x) ?+ Z> > Toilet Use
8 d8 k# V) t% Q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) r0 R0 n3 O9 n7 |- v9 G> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) h& q+ ]' U6 A* E6 H" ]. v! p> > in the cubicles.* M0 P: _' `& N! |
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ J' |/ F) C: W- |: C, k/ q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
0 ^$ ^. O# \5 ?% x) @6 P2 m> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., V+ P3 h/ B  x, f" a8 e$ T! d
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! _: i! t3 l3 z6 m> > posted on the company notice board under the
3 a  c8 A/ E' |> > "Chronic Offenders" category., ]$ w% S1 U; ?& e/ ~+ ^$ g
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
( [( v1 s, P) B; O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( v. l, p0 N9 j$ W; I" e+ x
> > policy.
8 y" _/ T& c- T) o> >
) H4 P. m" F) j1 a4 E> > Lunch Break
! ]0 @; j" }- U8 }! }4 A* r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ ^" i+ Q# D8 Q& H1 N> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( w3 X% n! U  r: v$ ?; z9 s
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  k$ H+ K5 E* l& C
> > maintain their average figure.9 h) c* C% \! Z9 b7 n' o% T
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 b+ r7 g4 w5 n  N# d' g9 ^> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' w0 Q! V# C( d$ ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 a4 a" Y8 T8 @% K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ U0 p) `, h* P# G, \
> > employment experience.- Y- M# o* N2 `" v% C% K
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 m% Y2 f1 h9 M9 B$ k
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' y/ P3 `+ z1 A> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 N/ J/ D! {; \$ A> > directed elsewhere.