HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
0 g: n: K( u9 Z" s2 e" n> >                     Effective January 2007% p+ ^, e6 W( c) _! i* r; |
> >" }$ b2 |" b- z  R  k
> > Dress Code- P5 x7 ?8 Z: h$ i  ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 R* K. c& |0 ]4 ]7 D4 A4 u> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
; ^2 H, o7 p# X6 L# q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 t1 G& K% f; a! q# Q> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% U( r0 e- d$ b
> > need a pay raise.& ^/ M/ g3 A$ N2 v, ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: p6 B, ^- }7 u& A$ ]> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, j6 M9 l  j  C0 g$ o
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- y5 V- z# n4 U5 e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
4 i( M8 v: K6 A! L8 }/ Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
$ z* K! d0 c( R8 J% r" R; l/ Z* j5 r> > raise.
( c" U) C: f% W> >
% c0 i, x9 \& {$ r7 M7 C> > Sick Days
6 C- x% Y7 V/ f# b3 s> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 s; Y' f- Y& d* h' O& S3 Y! V
> > proof of sickness.8 s; ?0 A0 J/ y& v. V9 K
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ g  W7 \7 M9 }7 b/ h$ a3 \2 Y
> > to come to work.
: n1 [* p2 y3 V& m1 q9 U( v> >
/ @( U+ {" j' P) u6 a/ E* N> > Holiday Days
: M8 @! i$ @" ]. t( T> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% k" w! B3 E. z6 D# a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
! V, L! Y4 H  W# y> >
3 R7 x) u) J8 {' u6 a4 u- T! d& Y0 X> > Compassionate Leave
' r6 n3 U" D0 L& S8 }, _* S/ A7 y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: O2 N4 J3 P, o; ]# h  s+ [, M: f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 w3 f6 y4 s: [: ?' S2 p: h0 @4 U" ~
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; R% ~( R# b1 p7 |5 w: S> > employees attend to the arrangements.* z$ b2 l2 W8 W" Y- Q1 a; f& M
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, v/ Z- b% Y( ]# v8 r> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" J% C5 s7 A* x2 R, s/ \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, W3 r: z0 x1 B$ U0 w+ S
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 ~- R+ M9 r9 h2 N> > hour early.
9 K) B% j) c% L> >% e& I$ ?( ?! t2 T+ b; Q3 e: n" L
> > Toilet Use7 _8 E9 t, ]8 X4 Q2 w. K
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- R# V9 j: b+ P  s6 `
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& u$ y. d9 Q( H
> > in the cubicles.
! z0 ^7 I# V8 a6 j2 ]/ N> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! L4 _/ a5 Y+ {& N; g  P: Y  U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 z3 ?, W7 ^3 w1 A4 [8 ^> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! _) S" B4 A: j* T; w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be. t6 I4 J8 |4 J7 ?1 m$ w6 _
> > posted on the company notice board under the7 B7 t% t6 M4 S% E+ O1 S1 t0 [
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# l7 f% H0 W1 k> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 y3 n* c# s4 J5 I> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, Z. l& t6 Z$ Y2 c) @2 [9 k: f
> > policy.6 ^  O/ e4 }0 ~+ Y
> >
0 e8 o- Z4 j+ n, a# m8 ^' c3 v! E> > Lunch Break! Z; b  }. h! K, `) F2 d* {# L, P. y
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
4 A' O  C' [- m/ O! F> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' u6 t5 g8 Y0 T, Z% T& ^7 u9 G
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: B4 o6 f, D$ l# {; @> > maintain their average figure.
. @7 P0 K- v. w9 x3 f> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# d- k2 c) `$ t& R% @> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 K. |9 [0 f# ^* [/ `) A( N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 s( y& f0 `  B+ D7 ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 x! Q0 H3 c/ J9 T! t, k' h7 i0 |
> > employment experience.: Y" e7 k3 N: |+ O4 w) H/ m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 i: V* w4 Z2 S9 B> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* \( q; [5 u$ e0 Y# u% J; A> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ K7 b* k5 E& }. o+ j$ \- v> > directed elsewhere.