HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 P, S0 w2 g2 |8 A9 X
> >                     Effective January 20071 n) Z4 z/ n/ U$ R/ m  N
> >
0 P& E2 r4 c, M/ D( d6 i> > Dress Code
) Y9 |0 ]( O" ^* `: r& R; K> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% s% @4 N- E/ |- ]; e/ u
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 g  \" i% t& y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 ~$ u, B/ N2 w$ k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# `. T' c+ S. r2 |' T4 L3 l> > need a pay raise.
$ J+ `$ U% o+ S0 p$ m9 ?> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 c9 I8 M: L8 ]8 V6 j; {0 c
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 a- ^/ h$ ]7 O7 v$ R> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 I8 v$ v4 `9 y' R, x6 v! Z. S# I
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 B7 K" H/ E/ U& s& k* u2 f> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 @) b. R5 v, c- d: f% N" O6 L  M/ j' C
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
: E7 b' f- R7 o$ F6 O  [  L& U> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) g7 l" b8 b& f$ ]8 y: R
> > proof of sickness.
1 C: e7 i( N' s( Y% E> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ X# ~$ {) v( n6 O7 k7 o
> > to come to work.
% _+ r, _0 ^3 u  l4 @8 S> >
) `# H2 P7 k& e3 _5 p) v/ v> > Holiday Days% g2 v1 j4 V6 @% F6 Q- j6 }
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( x! h. p1 @1 q, D2 ]
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ ^1 f/ T' t' d) P0 d. h6 G
> >
6 w- ^) W: d/ t$ e3 G1 X( K5 a> > Compassionate Leave
6 e0 A. x) K# Q! P8 u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
# G7 O, M4 @3 m6 i  J2 }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% L" i" J( Z- `; q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& V" J0 e. w1 f6 S( d( b
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 c6 B" i0 A4 D7 _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, P( |/ A$ |; ?* s. M> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 r" v8 M" G- c9 ^& ^$ ^
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! F6 w! n0 S) ]! V+ O% N, K# j> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ x! C" A! i) v0 o: _$ W- Q3 X
> > hour early.
( _# B2 Z8 u* Q0 y, B6 ]> >
# ^* n0 Z7 W' A9 M> > Toilet Use5 O$ g6 Y- [  X) B, c: J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 G9 \- C# A# S0 k2 b- k# H
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
& m4 ~5 N: j  p1 E- Q> > in the cubicles.; z+ ]  o+ E( R; Q. T, W. b
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will( ^9 O/ E* s; O2 |) z  p7 K/ W0 i
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ x9 |+ c" t& z& m  E: K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 A& o0 Y& o- S8 R> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 e, |' [; Y1 @4 B$ S+ b> > posted on the company notice board under the
( d) D7 d9 x  ?5 d; a$ h2 Q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 w0 V) _, v; H> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 e* a3 j" x5 h& a0 R# e: M( v
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, ]# n- Q- R$ {" j3 f
> > policy.
, U5 H  l+ `: n$ `> >
4 Y' ]" f  Y! v4 S> > Lunch Break. L" ?1 ]* p. e  S0 |( D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( h7 E. ^: C% ?% [9 S( q> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 Y8 O: F8 |7 f> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
# X0 [& Z* J( g> > maintain their average figure.
, |$ p! C+ M& f3 h! M& t> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# c( A! K6 [( F  _! _; \9 T> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; T- N' v2 w; ^9 g: C- K
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, t$ k  Z$ p, r2 O( l" Z8 ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 L) g  h; f4 t> > employment experience./ M2 N: K. E5 D
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 j. k; g7 x/ D% m  C
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' s. Q3 t! i# ~% Y' d. A/ ?> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, M8 `8 w* z, }
> > directed elsewhere.