HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 q" J( ^9 ?* E& \& I
> >                     Effective January 2007& v6 d+ h# p( O# f. |9 ]- P
> >
2 b4 C# S6 F: d> > Dress Code
8 m+ G9 G5 f& @  D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed  \6 Z3 H$ i3 c5 }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% T2 Z# y  J) E+ R: h6 r
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# A' Y& j/ r9 E" o> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 L; u3 M8 C( n* \> > need a pay raise.' e5 j% Q; _- u8 _5 J6 k9 D
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 o* ]- d. h( @  a& J3 P
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 v# q# n# H+ R5 d( S. ^3 M! Q  B( W> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ I8 h# q. F/ \
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& F2 w3 f4 o9 O> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 E8 Z- H2 M+ [7 U> > raise.
$ r+ z) s" k, N6 [: ^; }$ y> >
% @( H* M1 j1 l7 y! D4 u) h7 u> > Sick Days7 |. \9 o5 Z  x/ N7 A$ o& M0 x7 ]
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) |  G! [% p# A* H& s& J
> > proof of sickness.
/ M+ |8 s2 g" \4 a* c9 k% J! K3 g% Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& V4 j5 H' g- S# Y% p( `% u
> > to come to work.
" [. m% ?% v" p9 j- r> >
/ x2 V1 W; Q$ W6 `  F. D. w6 O: J3 _> > Holiday Days  a7 n9 A- |$ Z; |
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ W) |# k! s* f( [2 ]
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
6 M! B( S7 j0 u8 d> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: J  j2 N# f9 u: u
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
, p$ x$ z. W- T* S> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
, z) e9 g/ ~/ e& w) T8 a> > employees attend to the arrangements.* e2 a! I3 u( d) y! \0 o. e3 r* u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 e6 D+ G; i  o$ ^0 C
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( d/ n# W$ |  L/ Y6 \8 b9 a8 `
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 H" B$ d; G0 B; i3 G8 n$ n> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 \! `) ?" M9 T: }5 r> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use* K2 z  j2 ]' Z2 T* I
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& M5 ?5 l& B+ p3 v! u5 k  q
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 @) Z2 r: F1 X> > in the cubicles.: ?5 W* s! a* C8 w  e1 `" F) X+ t6 K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will# t& ^; n) ~$ k0 D. A
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 U/ ?  h5 i1 C) c+ r' q0 ~/ n
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
9 S  @* k) [0 s# m3 X0 ~; ?* z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be0 ^6 M3 W# [9 w4 S# u& o
> > posted on the company notice board under the* a" S* @5 P2 H' e# B* _. P) R: n
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% I: ?- b# Y- R7 U( K2 g7 A
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: z6 p1 x. o! b& P> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 h3 X: u) E8 i> > policy.5 }* ^; o- [  J- T
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> > Lunch Break
* ]& W7 W8 ^  w" x> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they; M- I; n1 ]2 Q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( t9 y" C9 ?4 z5 ?" [9 W7 g3 t) T
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 t6 F6 _0 M8 E  @6 C> > maintain their average figure.
- r8 O  E5 M- q0 Z" F> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* y0 s- \% Z6 a7 x4 K+ t$ B6 d2 z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
4 N+ P- J* V# Q8 `5 j" P> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' \2 N/ p* g+ R> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 V0 c' N9 ]" u( j  C9 V# ]> > employment experience.) m* M: S! `% m4 d( d5 e; O2 r7 g; F
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  p: `" v3 @0 L& m& O- m3 W/ ]. ]> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% o. \  O% E7 @9 U% X
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( Y! T1 T# h( V> > directed elsewhere.