HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
( s9 B& T5 C. a7 B" }$ Q' l/ T> >                     Effective January 2007
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/ _* A- n, m8 {( p0 o> > Dress Code, |' k+ o7 y8 n0 \( n+ W9 |
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: B* u' M1 P; I5 k# n> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' [' l5 z1 t& _& g& a  t> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- B, ?$ {$ C( h; w
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; d$ ?7 `" L6 `
> > need a pay raise.; Q+ m# ~* }( u' W2 r5 G
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% g/ X5 @! C4 t! B& w0 y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 e+ N' Y1 |, R1 ?
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- X; t+ _+ E/ N- I. Y
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 D$ L! _4 q6 d& W> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& X8 O. E4 s: i& H# h$ f& Q% o> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
7 Y$ u2 V9 Q1 ~> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 a: v5 O' Q" G9 z# z( Y
> > proof of sickness.# s4 D% _# I+ o
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- j5 n8 P/ Q9 a  s& b& v> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days" M+ O2 U; i1 _6 z7 l9 i* S! e$ M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  o5 c/ j1 Q# L
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.7 T: W' @, g, G
> >
+ n! t; {: ~3 O3 K$ v6 O> > Compassionate Leave
% N6 Q$ H! ~. y! R8 G) q> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 ?. e4 _$ _2 {8 w( u# s> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ N; V8 A$ i1 {4 m/ g
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ v7 S. `. A2 S1 ~> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( x( V& @( S2 _( \% p' X# m( ~, M3 i> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; t9 h7 P* }+ q( A+ }' W) P
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) c; e0 ]( a) |6 [" F0 E8 B> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" C8 Q5 P9 {& s4 K- N9 s& H> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ `& P; U) o, f3 c# q> > hour early.
; z6 l) i$ Z. R; n) p$ b( h$ h2 l> >7 O! I; R+ j" {! \  v+ D
> > Toilet Use, o; Q+ o) r# x# p$ W8 z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 F8 W, ^5 l; R, J> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 h  z$ ?2 h. N7 {
> > in the cubicles.( M2 k! J/ q' e3 J- O1 M& J
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& J' a  v+ T& y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- i$ x2 \% I! M; p. `* I( R
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 X, ?- _3 ]2 y% B, m> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 ]% H/ L, T5 x1 A  o. X
> > posted on the company notice board under the, u0 |6 Y  S- c! t' C  L
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
2 V7 w( w$ K, N& Q3 v4 L> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- b% P$ _0 G5 C% I
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 Y/ |5 o; K+ h, j1 F% e> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
' H6 k2 b# F$ h+ L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 B  q# v& D/ @0 g; v6 F0 j> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." h% O* L4 K( w1 O" H7 H! ^
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) J& o6 m: P+ T* Y$ u6 m" }' N
> > maintain their average figure.- R. r8 ^7 w6 I) c6 b+ M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& ?% i$ Q8 a6 r/ ?4 L, K: F! Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- r/ \+ T1 u/ Z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
6 y7 l8 w1 K* ?! T2 m> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 Y7 I  T. g8 Z
> > employment experience.1 j; B% L4 ~0 |3 H8 _; V9 a6 i) Z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! T# y) f+ N1 u5 \( z1 q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," i" ~0 r* ?2 @, ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 Y1 k8 X7 A7 m
> > directed elsewhere.