HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:- m, D3 a8 y# u8 u; t" x* A
> >                     Effective January 2007
8 I8 }: m# B$ x1 l> >
8 q2 W* i! g$ @6 T> > Dress Code1 L6 g6 h* |  O: F1 q2 n' [
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% e, c" K2 s; c) V
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 ^/ T5 {5 x( `> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% u) m6 x. O1 p$ Q$ y* m> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  k9 U8 B1 e4 J# m  g/ i, f
> > need a pay raise.! D! ~1 m. {/ p# w- M0 A. U
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 `+ M- P& J8 |+ }3 H> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 k" ?( Y' t) z1 ~; j. O
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" ]. T" l9 f: ~% \: l> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 E" A& Z: D3 q" E8 f9 m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* D7 j1 X1 h7 ?0 ]# s0 d6 K
> > raise.. x0 h  o% e  Y3 N; c& u
> >
' X# I* K; s& j1 ~+ D> > Sick Days# x' F; T# y) }( w1 b/ e9 F
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 S! `, |8 ~& W  `0 R: i
> > proof of sickness.7 w. S( V7 H# L! a$ v. R7 `1 z8 ]
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
: |6 h. _. L" e* V/ c3 v> > to come to work.
4 |9 T: e" V6 r( F, X> >2 I% Q6 ~$ w& M* J
> > Holiday Days
5 o  N' i) L! F6 H6 \" q  d: z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 a, o3 L# R. u) u0 l! _
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 x2 {1 }6 p+ q% ]6 f
> >
4 |) b3 z* R: V( l! T: z4 w2 @# X> > Compassionate Leave
" N2 P2 u3 R/ H0 ^( e  y/ B/ Y6 M> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' F- Q1 N: A7 z) I1 c0 D
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; y5 k" M; V$ S* K# n/ S> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 [9 M4 s4 Z. j' a$ h> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 F2 M9 Q2 S/ m# I: _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
+ z, F% s; j/ y2 q2 t8 C! p> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ {3 _0 T7 V) X" u6 e. \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
- `( z  _" Z$ r" w* ]  f9 J> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 m  m  ?, T1 q
> > hour early.. X2 }8 f) w0 F# i/ t+ t. x
> >
: v% T2 W7 Z! J& P0 ?" J> > Toilet Use8 v% }# l1 `% v/ J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 o6 a+ O! F8 _" h
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 ~: t* Y$ z% B$ G( J  O  I
> > in the cubicles.7 h& u0 w& \2 r; c* ]" l
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will3 X( t/ B, I- i! W( H! |7 S/ v
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 s1 ~4 r5 \# @, y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.  R% E2 e& m- \
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! W2 r6 I9 s( R
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ i0 P! N2 H( ]* |: z2 A
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, e6 f* y$ Z) Q! F. U> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 r) u( v3 l  L/ N" j3 l( Q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" M3 _- Y; N7 S* C6 [7 p' y; `9 y> > policy.. U& ?2 F/ Z& G- s5 t: v% I6 K
> >6 d7 ~/ X( i5 X9 k0 ^
> > Lunch Break
/ ^, u; `! J* t4 O" G1 A$ m> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they- c4 c4 \( {' w" q) D- a+ H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( f8 k9 k. l0 j& `( C  z% ?> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 T) G+ V5 K/ R8 ]5 L
> > maintain their average figure.
, c" N+ a# p; ^> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 ~* s. O% J# g( l3 X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 I$ J2 Q5 f9 ^9 j> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" i8 D. {1 i6 r* G/ e9 m3 S> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" X, K  n% k/ q4 @9 t% b/ l6 k
> > employment experience.
7 C" {9 ?- e' ?> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! Q8 J3 H. }" v8 m" [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 M  X9 \; `2 R
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 M3 B# g0 S, j8 h! F1 L: O
> > directed elsewhere.