HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) M: D( N5 Q) e1 w
> >                     Effective January 20073 f5 s* B0 Y- R$ J9 W2 I
> >/ ]' N! u0 J& T4 r4 t
> > Dress Code
9 m2 c- V' U4 |  i3 O' V> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% [  ^/ W% _& N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 c4 n4 T3 ^+ t' ~' `5 {1 O> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 u) h4 l: w9 T% g0 r. q3 {3 c( N> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# v/ y9 o  d6 H6 U# U
> > need a pay raise.
& c+ b7 ^3 x1 g. {$ O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 Y! M, F  h8 K7 d1 I1 g/ s
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% v; _) d. e/ p. I$ i" x  [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.2 e& o$ r' I* f& H; j+ R
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ p) v- v. l7 \> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' Q( l- v; V  _) a+ E0 `> > raise.
( {. C  m6 B% b6 Q> >
3 e. G" |, R! l+ s8 ~9 q: i; O> > Sick Days" P% Z& I7 s( ]7 s
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: i! x- o- g! t1 D- ]! b5 U> > proof of sickness.
: U% z5 H! M, h+ S% P( T- C> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 q9 G6 b; [6 V, S> > to come to work.* p2 w+ ~3 ]8 n
> >
4 ]; h' V4 M0 q! u7 y! k  T> > Holiday Days  c0 X5 L1 [2 Y" b9 D
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 a& ~. A7 K/ z) m" P> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( T! t2 r, u+ P" s" [6 _> >
5 X( E8 J& v- [, s+ y; z> > Compassionate Leave/ J! C6 J, V9 C: u+ M
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# A7 ~% B- N: B! @( H2 ?& W
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" O: ]6 y: o, ^, H
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 M8 _+ y$ T3 H' {' Y/ {' h> > employees attend to the arrangements.! Y! @1 q4 f/ X) Q/ @& {( T, e# r/ F% Q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 Z) h8 b$ m- M4 t: J5 _
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: ~. Q3 J" Y- D* \% Y: P
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; U" M8 u; ?% ]8 M: d> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one  A" e8 A- W# i6 B# w
> > hour early.
5 ~, d+ ~+ {' F& T- E# P9 u> >) |8 y/ ?8 p) l: a
> > Toilet Use
' s8 [' H, r/ @: b% W; L! ?> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* g1 l( J; D( Z+ {
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! Y1 z2 Q) B, S& u+ ^. g3 a> > in the cubicles.
. l  M. |7 L& P/ v> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ z$ k3 n8 {; _* S) r4 I- |: w1 ^/ x
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% Z  B& I7 p# I( T. s+ Q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 z& @% Y5 ]: }* t1 f; R> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 N" C# V; N' [' ]1 O: L> > posted on the company notice board under the
3 n7 }. m- @5 J5 T8 k3 W> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 f: m: g9 S4 G6 s> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, @* C* J/ m# v9 C+ b" E> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# G/ V% K$ H- N> > policy.6 \# r+ V2 J1 f( y# k- Q
> >$ M& G& h' H5 z
> > Lunch Break
: K3 F3 E& S2 k" h! a> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 z  N) E) X) O3 p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
! W9 B' l# {4 i$ H! k' f4 G  }( u> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: ^0 k$ j: u( o% z2 R2 U- x1 I9 b> > maintain their average figure.9 l$ C  u9 e" d" j& ]: I+ _2 O% J1 e
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" r* R7 R) T1 _8 B1 m+ f+ [
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! h( v) K, u) B2 m> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) I; w3 ]' v( C2 [- ?5 V  b8 o& {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# F6 `& Q! d* U: |
> > employment experience.) x& X( z, Y3 Z: j  o& {# d5 g
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 m, q6 d5 L6 g3 B3 e, d" R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8 ^8 g! S* l- R3 m( x! w
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, Z, m2 p* S) c; x
> > directed elsewhere.