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HR MEMO

To all Employees:: D1 G' g6 H: b4 y% }
> >                     Effective January 2007
$ O- B8 C2 |% j% u  X> >
/ d" G; `5 h( I$ k* S> > Dress Code
) r6 N1 `' q4 f> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  g  w9 r( n1 l! ?; M( E1 S) a4 u> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 t; z2 f8 Y- \; v9 u% B  N) \' N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% z9 Q0 B* b3 T# f> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
( F9 R2 ~% ?+ j> > need a pay raise.
! {  B& d9 u* R( B5 i6 s- H: M> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 _/ g6 D" [, f/ q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 g6 q9 ?8 }/ ~+ U6 G> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- R: f0 C6 q! U> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" N5 ~1 d" ^4 r+ O3 W; {  {
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 c" ]. x+ r  A0 z
> > raise.# N" Z; Y9 y9 \: b1 B! O7 J+ l
> >
* ^! u; X+ N0 j8 U. J8 u> > Sick Days
& \) Q3 e/ Y3 \& a  j# e> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ T; l  L0 h0 N- j% D* M1 G" R> > proof of sickness.6 X+ z1 H) w4 [, c0 K
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ I( r; y& d7 p* x% O1 y" P> > to come to work.# o, A9 P* D# t7 T$ H( n
> >
, G" d7 I! V' }. K6 z- [> > Holiday Days
* w8 m% q) N) B( {4 M2 I> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: D/ X0 [" b: f5 L> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
% }' F8 T5 [* |- k* S3 C& ~> >
( r5 L! c6 w4 V- E> > Compassionate Leave
6 A1 }& n9 M1 v) A' @# b3 G> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ I1 q, C6 x. _> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 m( a& q: d. I$ v7 b  M4 d> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 U! t% p4 F, t2 W- n6 G3 O> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; [4 i( S5 y# p3 g7 A" J> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ J$ V# }& N6 e0 c+ u2 N7 x6 \> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" l3 ^  E# O9 `' y; j+ {> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 o* r* F* g( C- ?% {
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 P) z4 b" k# L$ D: P: R> > hour early.8 l  ]4 I" ]# A# W# M9 o, Y0 J
> >3 {- A, J* a! d# |! }/ q
> > Toilet Use" ~/ P9 W) ?. d9 Z. H5 b
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; ~! O3 l2 i: R8 y- o5 L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit" [. `% U1 B5 g; u$ ~% X- @: p6 c5 g
> > in the cubicles.9 w/ l! h& O" r) \2 }
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* H- ~7 f/ N+ [1 a# f1 q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 i3 e; r9 z& V" h& r> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( L0 {- y: r% N( f6 n& T# \( w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) H1 {5 y1 m" N: s
> > posted on the company notice board under the
) ]. r8 t0 F4 [8 x, T> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 J' P9 v: a/ j9 A& ?3 V' A  e> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% c! w5 q+ S. b! z8 U' r: z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( Q0 P5 ?4 [# @3 z: D> > policy.  i6 ?; _5 D5 p- A
> >
! E" t& e( V' e  m# P3 H8 `$ ]  t> > Lunch Break  ]6 T8 ^0 y5 |  P/ |! G% d8 {
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 H% m$ t8 e9 `> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 J7 s  S0 W0 A2 F" \> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: E  d1 t, n; d& R
> > maintain their average figure.
+ z) j/ j8 Q" R0 r6 i& f> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 s( ]0 y- o$ \1 m/ y3 X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 S" G; R+ \4 g( M% j> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 L  D3 h( r6 E: L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; C' p+ J! H4 Z3 T- Q& e. L> > employment experience.2 r4 A2 p# V7 j! g/ a* [3 p
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
+ Q/ R, ]& `! M( t& U> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 l" L# A0 s7 j, z7 ~7 g, |
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( z% `: v- Y' y; b& N6 U> > directed elsewhere.
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