HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) `/ @6 i- c) a> >                     Effective January 2007( ~/ U3 @; ]* `% ]6 C$ `
> >
9 q7 Y& R" N- l5 Y( |) f1 `> > Dress Code
- Z  M; P# z6 }* v3 b0 e> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
; t3 E8 h- t9 O! v+ y> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ O1 j1 ^5 |4 n! v9 ?> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. \8 U0 L. Z! k  u- F/ N6 {2 \> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ T# d" U0 e5 A
> > need a pay raise.
5 h; b0 J* t& ?> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 t8 f) @& f. }+ W$ c) U& k
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& R9 V& x& G$ f9 b) J0 W> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 B6 Z% h, D% }- X8 B. e> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 }4 }# m+ n5 k  @) k% }3 `) J
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
+ L5 J7 n% a& U> > raise.$ R! B( o0 f7 F- T0 ?
> >0 k4 r# b2 \7 B+ O* @
> > Sick Days1 Y9 p" l' p3 E
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 I& H# `. t4 p6 N> > proof of sickness.) U  Z6 K9 W9 [/ u# m
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 x  U# p& h/ s! T> > to come to work.
- k! {5 f! g$ c6 }* s" h> >
+ C9 @# a" I5 S> > Holiday Days
" z& O, V6 J9 l9 L3 |. ?" Q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) G$ g' E2 {" D  e4 S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! ~* D: l' M4 Y+ K5 B5 B
> >9 ]6 r0 x4 @( Y: K
> > Compassionate Leave/ ?# q# a- N7 ^; q$ E
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ W2 u- M; ]' y' l> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 M) W3 W, l- H3 j' |> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ O1 q( X( G6 Y' Y9 L, Z> > employees attend to the arrangements.& {9 G; A5 b7 \. c
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 v" w  F, u: N  C/ n> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, q3 P5 K5 ?  [7 u+ T. ]3 D
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; d8 t/ C8 y* o' r) y# h
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one8 N0 {% T( ~0 c3 h* Q( \4 O
> > hour early.+ V" s# P8 B' l8 z" b* M1 }
> >
1 O7 n" o, U9 h( I$ j* N> > Toilet Use  Q7 p7 C  m" y1 a, x( H
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: R2 S5 p9 U/ g# w- T! ]1 |6 k0 i5 v% G
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
" M+ _+ Q. Y2 b/ P( m* `4 d> > in the cubicles.
* C3 ]9 C  x) v! W! e! a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' @* R4 w3 ]3 s> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle3 _9 e( [: Q& ^* I$ q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# D) E, I' |, O  m9 ]; I, B> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( Z, G, l4 j+ ~> > posted on the company notice board under the2 |/ m" h, F; \* O: N( }
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 C# }: {+ n& q. H" _> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: _% X& i9 s! u% P& T- y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% h6 K5 h+ u7 |; X
> > policy.6 w4 Y' j- T+ [# c
> >- e9 Q- f3 Y7 d* n1 y
> > Lunch Break( o* M$ U4 m6 L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 U  M4 y1 M) W8 j, i& D' f; h
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& `: j7 L2 t0 V& B8 C> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 x" H# k( J2 T: T- I8 R/ f6 B4 ~  a
> > maintain their average figure.* P, f) l: d) m/ e  X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" w" R( u- v" g0 w
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ M' U* ~- i: F- ^, q* L+ D' G> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" Q' m# f/ v) x2 q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 @; T1 s1 y4 P) z! X0 R> > employment experience./ j* x* f# j3 p4 D" j- n" h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* s, m1 _6 q& W# x" Y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
9 I6 G# E2 P  k4 L. t% A- d$ Y6 i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 R/ |- m: \3 ?9 ~+ Y
> > directed elsewhere.