HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
  _% K! r8 T. m6 U3 A( l5 W> >                     Effective January 2007- U  z% z; l) k! R, n, x/ e: c4 D9 d
> >" y  b9 k% L6 I/ n% d8 [
> > Dress Code
4 y0 k8 Z0 ?# _1 V& c9 p: j> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 v" x% ^6 n; r
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% V3 R: E( F* B( ]1 V- {% E
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( t; r, s5 n  p7 _8 d
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
+ ], C6 _; L0 X& a> > need a pay raise.! |8 {0 _5 S: _+ }% y% V# l
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
; R$ r2 P' |3 S# E5 }+ O4 R> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* t/ x" [/ J1 V# y& ?/ ]> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" ~8 a  [( c5 a> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 A* U' q; }* k5 r$ r' R5 v> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 e% {1 H1 \( P& ^* m> > raise.. Q' x" b2 G7 i" D. D1 D: x( G+ K- c
> >
: D& y+ Q2 u) l( D8 ~( ]$ }3 K> > Sick Days
' V' E9 L. X$ G6 v1 l6 |+ N/ \> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as& P0 ~& Z; y4 [3 N, J' k$ X6 A6 V
> > proof of sickness.
! b: F' ~* a  ?- `" ~0 m4 v* Q2 }> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) p$ F  k+ t$ x$ Z% l- ~2 [> > to come to work.4 E, W8 L" c* E# E  S
> >
. w$ s0 ~2 i) U, b$ K0 S> > Holiday Days
, `( V2 n8 W0 `6 P( j0 @8 U> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) X: @& j0 P7 u8 ~: V> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* B. _* U: J3 n! i% ^' ^
> >$ S. y5 C7 w4 V' Y; F2 d3 J4 H% B5 Y
> > Compassionate Leave
3 N7 h3 z) w& R# w! v* e' Q8 J6 _> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. k/ T4 O7 |8 V1 g; g
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ [/ K; L% a0 B) `" s8 i9 y
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 m' V0 `8 U$ _) b4 ]9 }& ?
> > employees attend to the arrangements.! n/ T. C0 ]. \; d! p, V% z0 s
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
9 y( i9 ~% j! T4 b- Z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 W1 X1 D1 X. O# P. ?4 H> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work  B0 u+ D5 L% V9 A
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, B: k, A/ p0 ]/ h- ~0 c
> > hour early.
3 ]: v( C7 s8 @6 |# P* N! D" z> >
+ n2 q* o; Z! V% w# N# ]" ]> > Toilet Use
: g$ M0 x8 ]6 k/ O> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ E9 [+ c9 X% S8 S# L- B0 {1 _8 l' S& M
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
  j; J9 O! ]* ]3 N  q0 v> > in the cubicles.2 ]% M% R4 U+ b% D; c
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! [* y6 w( w0 p) k1 @5 i> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 K6 m" r+ j6 z! R2 ?
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ K) c% t0 n2 M7 m& p
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' [0 K1 |2 l% P+ m9 y> > posted on the company notice board under the( K& _1 C) w( h" F, v& S$ c3 j$ O
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* v% |- P8 J: F* Z- g0 }: w
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  P3 P: w  t+ e. d> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' c) s& ~+ |  L4 Y
> > policy.
; o% k$ b. \0 J" s4 h, ]' O" K> >
; M) j& w! P2 g. y8 [5 a/ D8 S' b> > Lunch Break2 C+ B* E* X2 o8 ~! p, Z8 e
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 w/ I" S6 K  U
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 H+ o  \3 K; J6 ~- b> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& @* R, O4 ?3 v( W> > maintain their average figure.: i2 |3 t7 d' G% c: l- y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: p0 V$ v9 q6 Z( Z. {9 x. {! B> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' N/ L' R" i. _  m5 S  W
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 m5 t7 l  k% W8 r> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- G# L7 n! u: R1 {/ [1 }, U
> > employment experience.; ^' \8 b8 D2 d
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 \7 l( }% g' ^6 I  v
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ d4 J, \5 [3 P4 H
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
6 x' a* q$ _9 S2 M: |> > directed elsewhere.