HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) Y: c0 c% ?" P) V) L> >                     Effective January 2007
+ S) C8 l. s! q; O" d6 R, ]> >
7 Z- i$ y7 x) |3 F1 \> > Dress Code: x9 C8 H* r. P" M4 v* A
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- d( R/ x1 j* z7 v% }) G! i$ a> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' I- X6 D! Q$ g2 \> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( J! a0 I8 g% ]+ U  U1 j5 e- F2 i6 q> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 I/ \8 M4 y0 S  p# x+ h> > need a pay raise.
7 R7 ^/ [. u" z- c> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
7 ~  c1 [9 i) W4 F' e> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
$ i; r; K3 A3 d> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* ]. v# K; Q; y6 V+ n; {" S
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ t. W' M) Y( \, G! c, {! F
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  H6 i0 W" Y6 j5 v, o
> > raise.; o7 N. `. Q; A3 O( e
> >  H$ y. i' w0 T6 m; |: l2 P# D
> > Sick Days. Y1 ^! x# H6 u, |6 T
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# k0 s0 {* Q, a8 i! E! t> > proof of sickness.7 z0 ~9 p- ^6 C1 h+ E; p
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 d2 Q& e4 R$ L( ^3 c> > to come to work.  U) y; `1 h& C& h( m
> >7 Y4 o5 T4 D/ b% S: p% |
> > Holiday Days8 T' z  p5 N0 X' P2 ^1 x, |( G1 W' `
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
( B: C0 X$ y# P* B! F> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 r. c3 v0 C9 t4 }+ t
> >
8 x% y8 q/ {4 {) L+ K# D> > Compassionate Leave* W0 p* `# C+ ^
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) [% g9 k; w7 Q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( H3 |7 \# s+ h) Z. H1 Z  m! ?, ]> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  L% s  g. B! o! b! |> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 ^9 q; _; y" l/ S6 _: h2 l& @
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! g5 G$ k# ~7 ]. l, k: G
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  b4 L% N1 b$ Z# M+ D
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% ~# i4 c. B3 |7 ?% `> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, J4 ], x( E' ?3 G. S8 Q" O
> > hour early.
6 c1 }! m0 d2 `! I> >
2 B# P# S3 h7 F* Q; J0 I: k/ M> > Toilet Use
% \9 @0 _# ~5 Q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ l" k6 m  U( u. e9 f
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; y. R) }# j; M3 t> > in the cubicles.
' o+ O5 `* l! j  V/ o. g# T> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 ^5 O$ i: X8 ?; b4 _8 i7 X8 h> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 V" V: |9 s1 ~8 ^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- t2 W+ U8 q5 u% F9 S> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& a4 u  [3 ~1 |/ L* G
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% j; X6 U" \/ K- g* `- r* p* \> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" \* S; ~$ a% X* Z% Y: A> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
" Y; H: R/ V- |6 l  g> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! F9 d: ^' j' T
> > policy.. N) q3 P" i! F# _( D& a+ m  A
> >) u) `  T$ O6 k
> > Lunch Break
+ W/ t$ L. L  j' R$ \; O8 R> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( x! m2 {7 V9 b; X" n+ X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 X1 x, i0 Z0 @* U7 `# w
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( t. l, D# ]1 s' p  Q) L" E
> > maintain their average figure.
# I! ~" W4 h/ ~> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 _* Y: @: l. N: H; v! h; Y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 {! U+ ]7 @# Z+ @7 ]7 d7 x
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ k; b) T4 V  T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 v9 v8 e/ y0 L1 o0 _& i' l- I  M
> > employment experience.
2 |- H/ o8 S- n. }5 L  Z" q8 }> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- ]; s' R/ Z0 q' f! k) V
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
0 @0 u, {4 e7 e* S" t> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be! R8 I; S3 g$ f7 C
> > directed elsewhere.