HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ ]! `. e! V0 E2 Z7 L> >                     Effective January 20075 K- e; _" E5 V7 u4 F1 J
> >
, a+ T+ _9 E1 C6 n- g/ }  D> > Dress Code
, o: n0 k6 a' O6 Y; t; S: z. H" y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ w. @  \) ]+ j, e# m2 |# }6 ?5 P> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 u. g9 h9 [( `1 K. Y5 i( W> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 e' q' \: V% u, W> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
$ V, R  V- c9 b. M> > need a pay raise.
( n. ?) U4 D% b. c5 p5 T9 p! {2 [> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ [* n9 j( Q/ w% G" l3 ^+ g( d0 X> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ c- ?6 H9 P1 s7 t8 B
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 E. `8 Y" j, o% m+ a, _% k> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
  Q* d' f* V; p; Y& L5 i/ D> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' j+ b+ K: ?" E
> > raise.1 g) o3 B4 G1 o; \) R
> >
8 p1 j4 L# {; U, t3 q> > Sick Days
4 t: u$ Y) `7 O. ^9 v> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( |! y( }/ c3 @9 ~+ O& Y
> > proof of sickness.
% {+ H2 r' A2 B4 Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 {/ I8 |6 I; K6 t% M
> > to come to work.
, @, M$ v: a. a> >+ U7 p" M7 D& K0 U0 T4 q% I$ [
> > Holiday Days
( z' |! `, \3 q3 b/ |  r, }3 u* ~4 l  `> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& q$ D% z- E' U1 o# u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
9 F" B) G3 z& I$ a; [> >
' d5 _) U" I6 ?1 N> > Compassionate Leave$ _9 v6 x4 q& t; s
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 X" i4 `! x1 Z2 X
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" P9 ]+ m, b5 w: t! L9 z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% _, L- |; A% B& @9 w1 P> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 P, e( ]: M! d+ Z! u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# S, w9 O& _% s; N/ O/ |% c> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
  |# `* A. b( @  {* r; n, \* N> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' Y6 W+ N# q$ s: n$ M' D9 {& \+ s1 w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 a# g; @) b: c
> > hour early.! u; B/ Q3 J1 J2 ^9 e( `
> >
& K* ?* ~+ T2 ~; x& s, _> > Toilet Use" w- p0 ]# d/ `) L
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ M0 l: n1 a: g& \9 J0 S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ W/ }% t0 @4 C$ X! s/ J; ?& S
> > in the cubicles.: w2 f( B( Q4 q6 o3 w1 n; ~
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) V" T. W. Q  J6 Q( n0 f6 o( P
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 G* Q  e( s, i' r
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( V7 u7 @# l! V2 V
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" G. x- F8 s4 M) }0 r
> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ m, f0 v% s- d* _4 s  i> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ ~2 E% F- d+ g3 w1 V* q  }9 \8 Q: z  l6 d
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# H! \* c0 u; q3 M* ^
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ A' `0 ]5 }5 N7 n+ `+ h> > policy.- G  |; H+ i- v! M( ~. Z
> >
8 N: n1 i- V6 o; w/ \$ j> > Lunch Break$ w# t6 g6 c9 u4 A, s) P. w3 O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  d8 R. |% G% v  o2 ~- I8 Z8 P- @> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* L- I' j1 j3 }3 i/ D1 j> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% s: `5 R/ p& T! a
> > maintain their average figure.0 G/ ~# X9 T. C/ w+ {5 C
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
7 b( }  i( W  X1 |9 H: R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 _5 H- X; S% T% \% u& _> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- X4 B/ r9 v! u. O6 o: J8 E
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ s  \7 S% G3 R% |0 m> > employment experience.* G: e: I0 }7 A; b% S. j2 t+ K
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( Z+ |) l1 r1 ~% s( N: _, Z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 s; v# s) v+ \; `& R* b1 a
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 ]1 F' e3 U+ J
> > directed elsewhere.