HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( `$ E( T; s! I, c* s! }, X
> >                     Effective January 2007
  R& }( G$ E& x> >$ _3 V% o1 s/ z  f5 F" e
> > Dress Code8 q9 A) S4 i, a( g0 h  F8 {. t
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' [/ x3 d/ p5 _, f/ m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing, L) r( V" X5 {2 ~
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ O5 {) s9 j! d
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 m+ z3 U! M9 Y* U0 y3 r% v! V( ?> > need a pay raise.
) i1 P' D+ w3 Y  O, Q  k0 m> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- y! r1 M3 @; s9 F* z
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ B) S( X. V  F& l> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( u3 t& \: S+ s* h> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) }( \( K- u7 m( d/ ~
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay, ~4 C+ D3 L6 p3 c' D0 D3 z
> > raise.; W; ^' f0 P3 B$ ]; W/ m6 {/ s) D
> >
4 n+ S& y- c3 g& C> > Sick Days3 j9 T( K& u* }% M1 U5 k
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& [5 h) k% J. R* M( K2 S5 O> > proof of sickness., m, I: o( p: t  _4 V+ ]" K
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* @) _  p# J! l4 t3 O
> > to come to work.
2 ^9 S- e. E1 m+ p1 w9 Z- W1 w" P> >3 _$ c2 }5 V1 R+ P' Q/ f& x
> > Holiday Days
+ f$ x: C4 w4 p- B1 o> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% _. S* ^( ]( u# C
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; ^" ]- D) c' n4 Z# O  z
> >- I" S- S/ P8 C% N7 X; i5 H2 v
> > Compassionate Leave6 h$ a1 ?$ w1 C! c) F8 ]5 S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* R  ^' o5 w  L- v- L! y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  R, Z8 k( j4 H: z8 d4 \. f
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) m: J( c# [" J8 R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 g) b  N) t1 A1 f
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; i2 ^0 l7 u# a6 W! O- |> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! j6 _. A  A$ {> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ W, q( e3 _. Y; w# T3 [# [8 z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 F! j( }2 B9 a9 I5 T' h  n, M> > hour early.2 N" O& e- h3 y& r; P* Y
> >7 ?" j' Y  m: k, b" d: v, }
> > Toilet Use
( Z4 l5 Y) P9 ?% T' T& k5 Z3 Z, [> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( x& ]2 |% [! G! y& t4 T2 E7 B
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: e) [- V3 B; [$ X5 h$ x+ ^4 i6 A5 ]
> > in the cubicles.
4 a/ l6 e! N" c% W. k8 F2 B> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) Z$ \) Y5 A& `; }! h: k6 T7 ^
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, B& f/ s  K5 x3 Q( \5 p0 E> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' N; R) B$ c; n# M- S; S1 O& f
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 y0 y1 F! S5 Q$ w2 M
> > posted on the company notice board under the  T8 {, F5 T8 [1 W+ |# y
> > "Chronic Offenders" category., Y' l( `3 Y; k+ ]
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
) g' k: B7 _2 O4 n5 q6 q" T> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; e$ `) O  m! D0 o> > policy.
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( _. g% {# \$ ^& l> > Lunch Break5 O2 d8 W! k( L' q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( ~. m7 g+ z& E
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ H8 j. \+ ~: S' F" L" v> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% s) c4 ]. p2 P3 V# W> > maintain their average figure.
' e+ c, P' z5 w  f$ l( i7 k7 K  ~* t> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' s* Z& e( g; {- @> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.# j, p$ e% [9 o8 ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" J6 ?4 b) r6 a5 D  M3 C8 j% s) a( [> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 b; ?) A3 \1 {, R4 E3 H) p& L1 q> > employment experience.
* q% x' V( S- h> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% A. j8 i- C4 M
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 d4 H+ H% A) J3 Y1 t: r  Q6 Q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be" A% u- w9 o0 g% L% n2 j, V
> > directed elsewhere.