HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
/ Y0 `/ I) M' W0 w3 o1 F9 j0 P3 L> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code. H5 q) S& a: n/ O
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ w! }5 F% F/ r4 i2 b  n* x> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 r4 q$ b2 d& Z+ K- `+ z4 @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* |' y+ l) n' t! K% N  ?> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
" j+ I+ J4 l6 [+ T' [7 ?> > need a pay raise.
. C6 j  ^: v- \2 J# v7 _3 b5 H  X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 z- s8 u( p& K, O! K! J0 {  l> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 Y( j6 {, c! T: q6 {2 J4 S
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 h; D! Q  f1 F* \* `& ~> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( _; ]* M& G! f% t0 w> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay6 n6 |* P: b2 L: W: _/ q% m0 n
> > raise.$ y2 r2 i; O! l7 D& ~
> >
. k/ f8 X4 ^( B> > Sick Days. p+ h. [# T& b% K# O) R
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as+ |3 |, P( x, M0 F7 S3 }
> > proof of sickness.
- L/ D% j) w9 N. J+ J. x> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" ^+ R  b9 H9 f; c# l> > to come to work.  t6 T& e. n7 u+ }0 q) e8 N6 N
> >( p0 y6 e$ A3 \. u. k) }
> > Holiday Days
8 T& k7 l2 E* s( A. e5 s8 |9 O$ G> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a, t9 O' J9 r" `3 C9 i; v
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave% t! V0 b! ~6 q7 c5 y! x
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, F% H+ Q$ L: u, ?+ V; P" r' T
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 G- @5 v- c; ~2 A: o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% a, C5 ]. {. P
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' q& p5 e0 N5 ^+ v) F/ P> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: w9 b9 B9 [/ \& \
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 m# E. ]. s& C0 ?) V  o% P) \% I> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ j/ [2 ]$ Y: u7 O% p$ }# F# w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* n: ?% ?  L+ v& U" R( k7 B. V
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
6 q6 R! B& d+ L6 Y! X& [/ O> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 j9 T4 L3 S3 r" O) ?1 x4 Y- P
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 @; Q  X3 h' F- x1 H9 K> > in the cubicles.
: q  Q' b8 ^& g2 ?6 y* U: e1 N> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; V5 L  A% v1 d' ]! i> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- S( ~& r! D& s) ?> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' P- S9 F# e9 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% B$ [  C) S! g: p6 K0 S4 X/ T> > posted on the company notice board under the( s- ^/ j; A3 V' |) n9 b2 W7 _% l
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* \/ A! W# z: r$ |& m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
) t2 r- A6 i- E/ S> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 x0 ?% k- R) b9 I/ ?, V1 t& \$ }
> > policy.) R% F* L- }. z" ~+ ~/ H
> >
( x6 ?2 w' p3 a3 S1 _% p> > Lunch Break
. p0 {' x1 u% S& G6 N+ j* q' b8 |> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
9 ^/ V' f; l9 q, G> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) f3 ^5 Y% ~/ P" T# h# u. h; v
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ E7 ~& _9 E5 R9 X# k0 k> > maintain their average figure.& y- w* @/ d* K! ^/ Z$ ?2 a# u
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 W8 D, t% R( ~* w5 z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) N0 Q0 u# D- _  g% d
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" `% T6 V  Z$ P( K3 d4 E
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 R+ @5 H: Z2 q, n0 l" G> > employment experience.
0 l1 ?, R. k( b2 n> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ r) H7 h4 ?1 m
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, V6 u( t; j$ x* R0 b
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: t  N# _' k* ^& @5 p1 f
> > directed elsewhere.