HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. r9 }$ ]6 a+ ^* k, \& G
> >                     Effective January 2007; Q+ v8 ^+ u. n
> >
3 _7 U/ h/ `# @/ G- T> > Dress Code( I+ E3 \' y+ u
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, k2 d' X4 h2 P
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 m) M: @8 y3 T, o( u# z' t
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; [# I2 @6 \9 J- G/ a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! Q! I7 J1 @4 `( ]3 X) G, T' x. ~
> > need a pay raise.
$ E' j! M8 O! N  ^4 t& n> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- T* J& s7 K$ h1 c3 \
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, t0 C* k/ W. l8 O: y) e
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( V- F; E/ v, p- X( g" |7 U: |1 @> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 m- v8 x1 d- K" k# y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
+ s% b6 k! f5 [, }* ^  `! G3 Y5 M> > raise.
% o7 a' G+ M/ K8 G9 d! K8 M5 V> >
: ?& h; |2 Q: L$ f2 J7 e> > Sick Days/ o& W* i4 o+ D+ T: X
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 a$ Q2 w7 O! N& j- R- C> > proof of sickness.3 s* r; e, J+ _! C
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 r- c! `- [: S3 ~> > to come to work.
! g. m9 e2 e8 o& ~( S; a0 f; e- K: B> >3 K5 o- u& v3 Q) K
> > Holiday Days
. |3 ^( L' ?! }1 v> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) Y. N6 B' x- I: r6 p' _# f5 I+ N# r> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
0 ?) q4 L; w! I7 t+ S; M> >
/ s  a0 T9 h9 J( K9 I$ }> > Compassionate Leave4 r* g- h1 h5 w8 A) I
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. `( |1 e7 `4 A
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& i  b, M3 J7 M1 N5 L) ]7 D- k
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 ?2 z: P3 o" \. a5 {# n3 j1 X0 W> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 f# ^, u/ L) I5 M- G; N! {7 J# @> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- B% ?7 l$ U. k- f  j# f% g7 h' j
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) l9 k7 I# Z) \# p' F; S. H3 B
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* n3 e' t* _5 ~. |; {$ P5 N/ ]> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 W1 n; h2 Y) q  }% ]
> > hour early.7 @8 }6 p6 Q( n& g' I9 i0 X
> >! x* U% K$ ?" M, t7 G6 q
> > Toilet Use
  k/ W0 E0 }' C+ w6 b> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 B) B& K7 W8 O* g
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ c  F* A4 I' n, T) g> > in the cubicles.
" T5 I& G- l; `: ]( O; B% Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 j, ^( |9 f& P> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 B5 ?  b, Y8 p9 N& q, ~> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 S9 A6 {, M+ T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be- g( s2 {$ f  S! F
> > posted on the company notice board under the
- p4 }# }2 _0 [: _2 P> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 k- ]. P& n) A: z/ Z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; h" y& Y1 `2 R3 h
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! N1 k& y# V1 [: w% l
> > policy." v0 @+ a- k3 E% z( Z# ?: F
> >
! G6 w' k' F( K% k3 H> > Lunch Break! x: D/ R0 P% g* k0 x
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
" {, W  m  J' }8 ^> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 j9 }1 l, g/ a" f+ Q2 Z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 T$ B! y. z* w! M; N$ C) A/ f> > maintain their average figure.
' a$ a1 v9 h7 r/ y+ k, A5 _" p> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( m: Y& P' u+ \2 [  L4 S, R1 y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% B. Z& C( A2 Z6 k> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
& ~4 ^8 \$ g$ w" M  t5 S' A> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; Y, c2 a; P3 y% E7 k; U
> > employment experience.
; w( [2 i+ f7 o> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 j) F9 M; [; @, I6 \* @- L: D
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% y) ~- I  N6 w+ z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% @5 P) @. |( W, W, u: e( M; Y! ?) h  Q
> > directed elsewhere.