HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
( @: \& l5 `# I& r5 y> >                     Effective January 20075 M' i2 a4 [( k% u
> >
/ n; q$ r; D9 n' A> > Dress Code
, a, d" U3 K3 M> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# A; d6 f/ {. I! N; O& r) t
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 x' y7 F% O9 F- s! Q- c9 N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume6 i6 H6 g2 F/ Y; Q7 H
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
$ t9 C; ?  A: P4 V8 j# G> > need a pay raise.
  |4 x! a3 ^, u# p/ \$ G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& @7 `; x+ K: x7 M> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
# P  ?2 H5 I$ s) X/ B. r9 X> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 m8 g1 ^6 q3 E4 ]" b; L5 p
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
+ H5 _' y5 |# J6 H: V3 s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
$ S! j+ R9 S5 `, V> > raise.
1 N+ _4 C: S3 l6 U* Q% T> >
  y- V* \. ?% u0 R( O1 H; ^1 v+ p6 |> > Sick Days  A# b7 o! Q5 _( I( U3 |! z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
; v" v7 \1 |2 ~- X> > proof of sickness.+ W. R& O0 K2 d. z2 y  z2 b9 r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
' N& S1 d8 L: z$ j6 |8 s# t0 C> > to come to work.  j: B' d* Y6 _+ \, i
> >5 U8 e; @. n% c# c* n% F, L
> > Holiday Days. ]! q4 O7 {  L9 Q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
' H4 F( e2 N- R- ?) @/ S- Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ l2 s3 Y1 z* x; J3 G> >
4 H2 o! H/ r$ k9 ?# [* ?. |2 W> > Compassionate Leave
/ |* l& b& E7 f2 N* t> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 L3 k# K3 J1 Q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
7 j9 A1 c; q; l$ m+ g> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 }- y8 V. m; a9 \> > employees attend to the arrangements.: _( I4 R: ?3 ]0 w3 n# b# m4 q9 a
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 l! M9 K( S/ {
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ L+ C+ V% E& R  C9 Y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 f! K, S5 v' Q, G! u1 f
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one8 F( z& J9 W( d2 U1 A8 R# X
> > hour early.
/ U" f2 U3 ^( K6 n> >- {& q- a5 G5 ^( O- F& U
> > Toilet Use# B4 Y& m* A& G' k% C( U/ e
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 P! s6 [7 z0 }
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 x, O$ K/ q5 j. k> > in the cubicles.
; F# o3 l9 S% \& A: Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ {$ m0 ]$ o- Z/ O& R5 E9 I6 q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ v8 d* _$ J$ Z! j
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ n* s; s) X. U. |3 Z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, {9 v: E2 K; y> > posted on the company notice board under the
. @  |2 e% t: {- V9 S+ E$ t> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
& P$ ^/ y3 t9 _& `% ]; ?> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, D  M* m- U8 s! z0 @* U> > sanctioned under the company's mental health" D9 S4 b2 L4 B3 B2 I3 o& h
> > policy.
3 J  g2 O7 b% V* \> >
. R/ ?4 Y' ~% L' \- L# _8 d> > Lunch Break
- d& B& @7 ?7 J4 f% F4 T> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* m/ D* j! x3 [# ~3 H> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- @: O7 F" D% `5 z& z* [  l3 M> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  j- s7 L& ?$ y' t3 B4 q
> > maintain their average figure.
" P& i5 I- T3 h8 r> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 `/ @) k! F  c& J# V+ ~' `> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 L) a% o- ^5 W+ Z+ A+ L, ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 F: Q3 J5 B- N- F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
/ [1 n2 c5 u, V- a' q> > employment experience.* k$ w2 I; X2 e- ]3 o2 k
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: Y- u( w4 r- l7 \% F' s
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* _) t  W$ k% m" a: b2 m
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 D+ `5 G0 d  j( _8 P) i# R
> > directed elsewhere.