HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:/ F6 N; u% c! p! y
> >                     Effective January 2007
8 o1 {* W; V" Q& l7 _> >
  E/ y3 t- Z* g0 f$ Q> > Dress Code* |" I+ Z4 D# R6 H
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
4 }3 F+ K3 a* B> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing/ \; W! j: q8 g' W
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 Q& O5 `; }- j, d4 i" q& y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
" W% s$ w! d* L$ ]6 S" t> > need a pay raise.
/ F. p6 Y5 `* O* _1 u; Q% e> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 e- d0 s7 O5 v( P3 |  L( @5 K> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer  ]4 Y. O# g# K+ c2 a& K1 q: j
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 [% K( u- X0 b
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 y  \& t0 _! V" w% P
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: l  [6 ~) x' {6 ^$ ~* J- b+ j> > raise.
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> > Sick Days* ?8 ~7 O6 j- r3 v. i) [8 n9 s
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 \( ]7 u" @( u
> > proof of sickness.
6 s5 D5 K- X1 Y4 h: Y" M% y4 J> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 y& H- t$ \( k* [0 k* z
> > to come to work.* d: \& |" h+ |
> >! H! }! W$ g  |
> > Holiday Days
4 N$ Q/ I' \! U1 i; H# E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) J  e4 Q0 d' h) b/ g6 b2 D> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 A. v. J& ^  H2 R, `0 S
> >6 t! ], i. i9 A6 l1 M* X+ D
> > Compassionate Leave
5 ?- D) f8 T! w4 V' ?7 Z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- Z; U$ L& ^3 q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" o+ {+ O: W% R* r3 L9 Z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" M+ {7 r9 F, t# Z" I( Q> > employees attend to the arrangements.
4 b, b$ N/ j, I# Z% ?> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 s( v4 H4 y; D0 s. z8 M> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 r$ M5 C! _9 k. ~6 n> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
7 [% i1 z& }1 E. k> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, ], J+ _% M5 p( h> > hour early.
+ I# Z% Y" Q0 @" D/ W7 j& R> >
3 ^# b: E% }  e3 l/ Y1 z5 F- m> > Toilet Use
" ^# H2 I8 \5 ~' N> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: S/ n: D5 u* n1 `2 }
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) v9 t1 o4 W! A/ Z, E
> > in the cubicles.) }" [( g0 l- M9 s4 K& Q* n
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" `5 D9 Q# V9 f! @1 S
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% v: U% d+ i8 L; I5 H" l> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& M% `& Q+ k/ m+ A8 X( [> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
: V9 a! b7 G6 ~1 \, Q> > posted on the company notice board under the
& _" F  y$ n0 z7 X1 \5 ^. ^  ^> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 e( y1 I0 q. y) \" T> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ v6 ^& v1 b0 t5 y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) H) E! D: A3 [9 G3 A1 y8 N> > policy.
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9 G; Y( |& _$ J> > Lunch Break5 L) u  B' D; W/ b% b
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 {; |/ L/ }; z4 N: w. k/ {( h> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- F+ p% L9 l8 }: P0 e2 n: O+ w4 \2 z3 B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to! f3 I8 ^* h" z# ?% G+ q
> > maintain their average figure.
$ C3 h8 ^& L2 M8 K3 @6 y& s! a7 W! }> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 Z0 s9 a- L: l, O: {* x
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) `$ J" |2 a0 Z) ~8 K> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 c. @0 X) {# }' V7 X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! [% W; ?$ U. d7 {" |> > employment experience.
4 s6 I: v' U1 `, |# `6 O# I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" Y: Z4 V- B. l: H, i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,+ h2 m$ p* O4 y1 P: `1 Q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. |; c! T- h% p) f. Z: u/ R> > directed elsewhere.