HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" C7 ^9 D" J7 \0 Z
> >                     Effective January 2007  H2 M5 \& F  m' q' P
> >
; A$ c: [0 t7 g, M- G. U' l> > Dress Code* T& V' b- g1 c: i6 y% [# P2 @
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 r: a9 z( {* ]4 p3 a9 F6 r
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 V- J- @  Q" a: f, @5 D
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) u2 O4 o3 t! s* d0 G> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 F8 |+ s4 k0 ]7 J" g9 \> > need a pay raise.- J, [! e/ _  n: b( N0 d
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  P& _% U! G9 Z( D  O& ~! M/ q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 B# d, [$ |+ W# B0 o
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. R9 s8 I  j, T. D2 t! u3 {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ o9 ?1 ~" V1 Z0 i
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# E& r3 L, w0 d( {" B> > raise.- i3 b5 F' t& c) J/ |# F
> >
' r5 D8 s& ?2 S- A6 Q> > Sick Days. M6 ?4 w: P0 A: u9 P8 S& C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 }" i0 ?6 G6 q; u) f0 e. A% \8 K> > proof of sickness.
) ~9 k7 G4 f: D> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 K; z% R: r( |4 ~" j$ p" }> > to come to work.: ?! ]8 d, K, S& y
> >& k# ?& _' D- T; A( F
> > Holiday Days
  |0 ^8 w) f# S' @5 h& U> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# p, G# }( `' n8 q9 G9 U& ~
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 h2 ?5 y# x9 w! G! A
> >
* F9 r' A7 H+ m. y: T> > Compassionate Leave2 n9 K+ }( l0 `* J+ T9 C; w$ n; q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; V+ n; y- t+ l> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ Y2 f' f6 f. z! |- Z3 C8 t; ]( F> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-4 }4 N, i3 G5 q" v4 |# K- A5 t
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& k7 r( B' D  L9 {9 D, [> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) l6 d0 S0 t% T9 D, X. l: U2 j
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' X2 o/ _, e' `+ m0 a
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
, b( m& G% v6 |! X+ T> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' b4 F* {0 V2 M8 B* W5 m4 p9 _& R" \> > hour early.
: p& n4 o4 D& T7 \7 G2 ^> >
) ]- O- |9 d9 G  j- `% H! @> > Toilet Use
8 _4 j* y% W, V+ g8 Z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& C3 X6 |. Y9 M: u; Y$ @% @9 Q
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ N) E; X. k- k8 \- O> > in the cubicles.
( I+ y) x  R( Y/ H/ T6 f# X> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ T0 a; @3 F: c
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* w9 p- M# K2 |5 ^" |3 m
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ g) J: M3 E' F6 u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% l1 _0 U) s: _$ H% ~> > posted on the company notice board under the0 n" H0 U5 D- m4 h# L
> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ p, t+ J( X* u) B/ r2 V
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  e" m) Q, h$ I> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
, i, p6 R3 ~# Q. @3 z% O* f' L> > policy." I9 y+ m* M3 R3 S. \$ n& n1 Z
> >; w; E) K5 k9 }0 A5 j' m
> > Lunch Break% U7 b/ \, w2 g0 z% `, Y9 A
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: ]7 Q: E" g& M" S! W> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 ^6 I6 ^& j& S! E* {  [2 b
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% O; Y1 L* _" e" F( y( i# N> > maintain their average figure.
8 M2 X' p6 [( S5 M" Y7 R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: D5 B& B9 T' G- X; X! [. k: w
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: p' _% D9 j* V3 y7 q7 \' g# @
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; s# T+ H, t% R) L1 y( K
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 b" v0 y$ q2 q: _6 ]7 E: b; l
> > employment experience.
# a, ?/ L" F# d  R) U) m  U> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
9 n/ p* R$ Z9 |> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  q- U* D- \2 P6 O> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) X! S' D- M) q4 J7 H5 v; S% c> > directed elsewhere.