HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  `1 B/ W7 B1 h; D+ I4 N
> >                     Effective January 2007
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" u6 @% [" |. o> > Dress Code1 h' L9 w' b! h4 Z/ U
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  u) d( C& ~: y, A4 k4 j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
3 u: }8 e5 W) N% D  e5 s- [: m> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) h  _) B: O& u% C, l
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
+ f( a0 c" d" t0 }> > need a pay raise.( P& k8 J; d  [# c; }3 o) x5 r
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 A0 [9 {- Z+ g4 Q9 q" {/ E8 m5 ^> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
; ?% i( s5 \0 V" v4 K> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 l4 ^" o) i1 P. `* G  B& `8 G9 S
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: s& X- `8 U. Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 C. R0 ?0 l8 t- ?* ^> > raise.9 D5 `* n( h9 k5 P: v& @
> >& V/ i( l5 c! U( g6 f
> > Sick Days) Z( H2 |  \6 V
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 z6 |. H1 `  [( h' ^$ _
> > proof of sickness.
  ^6 P8 X8 {. W> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 ?3 B. \! L0 T5 d( `> > to come to work.% N# R1 S5 p3 d/ K5 x& G# T
> >
) h' U1 `: R/ g5 C) Q. F5 Q+ d; J> > Holiday Days
( E# p" t- u( X- Z& m> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 [7 g/ ^5 W5 y8 \( i1 [5 T
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave: W2 y& G0 [6 K1 S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% d. J( z+ O) r
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% Z3 i+ V" Y% K2 \, w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: B, o7 \* S2 S$ `$ R1 F7 T> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ Y9 _4 q( Y* e7 g7 a+ B4 z6 S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 Y8 P7 ~5 Q5 f9 U1 ~' Q+ g% k. I> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. [+ H' [+ R  M0 R
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& n! W& ~. N7 F6 x5 P
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( Q2 U7 c5 O3 T( w0 ~> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use) D3 O/ C& V2 ?& i$ b0 f0 w- i$ R
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 V* a3 g" p/ y: c  E, U$ u0 Z1 I
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 f1 T5 Q3 K# e( q, {$ m' f> > in the cubicles.
* {. u! s+ f& T7 U4 D9 k: n> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 s* d, }# K8 y. R3 |6 Y3 b! W' Q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& ]/ w6 X" T  |( t: m, Y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 v1 O  E; @: j: m8 y4 C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# ^$ d1 i; r) d5 b. ]: X, X> > posted on the company notice board under the
; a' B6 @  G/ p# i0 X: K! q, k8 X> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 Q; ~/ z3 y2 @3 }
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  |4 a- l( R* Q2 ^% }- I3 u> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 Z$ P3 k% w) T) \3 s; B> > policy.
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1 A0 l1 C. j& J, K4 p* Q6 q+ y> > Lunch Break
% q0 G; a' I4 i3 X! t> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. f1 Y5 n" \* l  \> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ W8 m& V$ D" K5 \3 O
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
1 H; j3 Z; p9 e8 C+ ?, n% W> > maintain their average figure.! c. s0 [5 V# I7 M( r& ?' J" Y' }
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# H, O. T, E! W3 q5 E, h
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) w7 u* B  w7 X+ S
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ k9 G' R. b7 i) J4 `' ~/ I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' D! m6 `! l: n4 b% w( E> > employment experience.; w8 a+ `1 i9 L. }; P
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. g) Q4 l/ \7 _* i% r' m
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; d& X$ q! `. {> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
8 }% v% G; a) f$ y" a4 t$ ]> > directed elsewhere.