HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:& f6 m/ U) Y3 \9 a) V* U: F
> >                     Effective January 20078 `+ P# x. ]% e$ ~: j
> >
  `8 S% d1 y0 C  c  C/ S> > Dress Code/ b9 I  D# ~" B: I0 n1 k9 V! E! r, B
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( v! @* x4 J  W  `$ \2 L> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
  q# x+ C. a9 b7 g: j8 S> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* u! o/ D" U1 _2 @. K' c3 ^( |
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
+ t* W5 u0 b' j7 W7 R2 `> > need a pay raise.% p* d% z1 A3 H+ g8 s0 s  `
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ a8 S! s2 h5 n3 J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 H) Z  z  f  q. g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 K3 Z+ ]; s! c6 I' l> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 U- l5 D# k- x+ j7 ]' F9 |2 v
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 a/ X1 N" J" _& [' r3 n( v( D> > raise.' e% `1 R/ g$ b9 o" }2 @
> >
& e3 [3 O2 ^: n* F- G> > Sick Days& E$ V% z7 _: s/ |+ R  u
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( d& L) f# t4 K, L+ O* e  @% Y) q> > proof of sickness.
# a. n# e5 I$ y0 t2 P> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 [! q, Q9 ]; y& @9 F> > to come to work.
+ T# L! x5 ~, y3 }# J. A' U> >
' B" N# Z( ?0 d% `5 c> > Holiday Days) \- b' j+ y+ F. U- M  c/ G1 _1 T
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 K+ i/ |) \" {5 ?
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
$ l8 z' I. N) x+ m! ]: \> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
& T3 e& E' ?/ t3 k> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! ^7 D* x9 Y- `+ \" u. V7 F3 F% w: @
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% p4 ^4 c1 |+ f5 I
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
" C& t: q: P) }+ x5 Z" C> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 M, e, f) U+ z4 _> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& `7 l+ D( v2 v
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" C# j! d+ o/ `7 ]6 w, L) i> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( I0 W1 U" `1 e; N( m5 E( E9 i, c> > hour early.
8 e6 [5 p& c# O( @6 o( z9 R> >2 H5 y0 c" B( C
> > Toilet Use1 ~/ Y+ w( {  T  m2 v3 ?
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ t! J- e8 z6 P0 H
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# h- o5 H5 l& U8 ]! R3 E
> > in the cubicles.; K4 m, C+ C$ o! A
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 M9 M4 H3 N# _" A' B+ w. ?( o5 o
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 {. X" R* x) u% z' q: L> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 a+ s. A$ q; W; Z3 a6 q8 f7 X: A> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! p" M# c9 b, G! d( O7 @
> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 K" T2 G/ o! }- s$ c> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; s3 _9 M8 I, m# d, P> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. b, o6 S% v/ B# E% }( s5 K
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  m/ l: ]$ }& \5 K5 |> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
& V; u; Q6 @0 Y% X; `0 P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 c" O, v1 o2 l% z& U* T& v> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- {2 ?& M/ B; w> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 E% L& p' G$ Z" u
> > maintain their average figure.
* M  \1 V( L; h( u' |> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# W5 {( W/ ~; B1 r: ]* X) U1 f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% s% I6 X& q/ `2 X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- [% J0 |7 a% O$ Z% d# U
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. u; o$ h* e/ }. a> > employment experience.  @* y9 V' l1 w7 o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* L" H" t% }$ t5 X8 W
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 \7 L. T8 o- O; [* S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 z# V: P/ C- K& L+ p; D> > directed elsewhere.