HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( k! [$ k* f# N+ n+ m0 T5 Q& t1 [
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
! J2 p9 K$ t  s% a8 O1 u> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; j7 x4 S! F" L" q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 ^" I- y+ k5 c. m+ @: [> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" o% f4 I8 b9 Q: s- t> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 Y* Q9 [; Z+ z. e4 c) [) Y
> > need a pay raise.
. I0 f" |+ a; z5 @> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. C5 J5 ?/ ?  `5 Y3 U; o> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% I0 f/ \: T1 i3 r+ i4 x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 ?& B8 @4 @% w% F* G6 J# V" l> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you' P4 M* \3 h' s: _# p( A
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 V7 L2 G2 F; d0 |0 [2 a. ?- [
> > raise.. n& A9 y6 r/ [, B# |8 j/ z
> >2 p% v, {7 `8 J, e9 F) v
> > Sick Days! y5 U) p, F' D4 I  L- g. {
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 J9 |/ f5 w) a) y
> > proof of sickness.
9 m6 X& E, q- f; {# Y; b> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# a! \( X' k6 {
> > to come to work.
) x7 @8 H# Z; E6 J& V$ b# R> >
; G  Q9 }: A/ n0 x' c4 p# z> > Holiday Days
% U/ }8 v4 `; D1 ~# J9 e6 ?% k; v> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# X" d9 F3 C& m6 @9 c" ?7 W. o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave1 T7 w9 r" I6 X  t9 s% N
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 r* A1 r1 S* k$ K- Y9 j4 R) I
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: U6 c# T% P& l2 }( L* D# @
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! e. j8 Q/ g( @# m> > employees attend to the arrangements.* U# A8 L) S. c; t* S9 q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 D) o2 K, l& N5 B: p> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ q! i* O) ~: n$ C6 U; Q  R; {
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ C8 [3 T3 @! y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 `* }( k5 r& l8 Q> > hour early.- j3 w5 ^, n, p3 E8 N0 w
> >
5 G* w2 T/ |* `4 s> > Toilet Use
% h- S& a: k: ~0 s) A: k; K' f> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ q9 f" e1 s% E% U, @; J/ k> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; C+ ~: p3 O% i( d0 v2 B> > in the cubicles.
; s/ S" `1 {& h8 |> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 }, a! V5 T. b, a+ i) n5 G; W# b* x
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 {& H) k) X% U( M
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 J5 q4 q4 ?7 z# r> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
. A6 r" W; i  y/ ?% h5 F> > posted on the company notice board under the% [+ H9 [5 f8 n
> > "Chronic Offenders" category." u  o$ J3 Q$ V- ^) U
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' _' W' h: X; }+ |> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ x' a' R; V# g> > policy.
/ k- I' N4 I) s" V. m3 Q8 E, S> >
# g7 V& V' W& Z7 Q. H8 l8 c> > Lunch Break) b% `/ h- m4 q- v0 U* P0 ~
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ A! \6 Z* Q0 r! y$ @
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: V+ y2 W) t/ B4 M! S> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  }* @9 \' S$ `) N3 Z
> > maintain their average figure.
9 _' @9 Z2 u2 t: c9 u4 O+ Y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. w! S+ h" K+ E6 {, L% ~/ q+ B> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.6 o" I& e4 T9 _$ `+ q& C
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 m. E7 o  p6 e5 f! N2 k6 t; U
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; {$ t# i( E: v7 Q& L  y5 V. b' J> > employment experience.
- Z7 L6 p  y: Y' L> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ Y* g$ f( E/ y6 E6 Y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
: W: m& I# o$ X  M# s7 {7 J> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ `, I, z/ R, H2 x9 U! h
> > directed elsewhere.