HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
: O: n5 X) {; w+ }% k> >                     Effective January 2007: ^' D3 T% K- [' v
> >5 Q) ^0 W! y; ~4 t# y
> > Dress Code% G3 W' g( s0 j3 S9 p
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 Q0 \6 ^7 l8 q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% e% ?) c& z6 o" }
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 l' D6 w4 s- A: a> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: v. b4 I* N* C> > need a pay raise.8 p$ \; ]9 [5 v4 z* D/ T
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. E3 C% o# L& A- n' L> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' ]' p% A/ M" T/ U2 x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 p( z& l  q# h! a% i" ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, ~! F, s/ _4 w1 `, [$ F
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% `: L. Z: t# n, {1 f  x> > raise.& _& m8 i' I* p' V! h4 Q  D
> >, B+ _; c$ `6 |+ ^6 H, p4 ?1 |2 `
> > Sick Days
4 O  ?9 e3 q0 k9 T* [5 d# f% {> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' S: m7 N3 V9 G3 s. x6 y- v7 r> > proof of sickness.) B+ D7 t3 @7 h: V# `! Y& t& r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" w; u% @/ m" h, [3 m8 H
> > to come to work.+ u+ A" R- j6 `5 {
> >, z* @& `# E5 q/ S) M. _; S7 b
> > Holiday Days
1 i! o! _& P7 W) ^' w> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ Y. i" Q& I6 G- S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; ~8 W3 ]6 ], C7 q: s
> >
1 j5 o; s$ N+ g6 H> > Compassionate Leave" w7 ?+ T9 M1 d% I4 w' @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
! F: W0 @4 `8 u+ i0 Q& n. Z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. E) m6 O: ]2 ^8 e! S% C
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& F' A4 l2 X, h7 k- W' }; ~( s) ~! _
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
: ^' Z; h+ @  _' t( S> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 U4 m6 `- G1 E+ _4 }: O. d
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 B8 W& A$ I6 A' [: P
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 O+ ]5 o  J2 i8 l, N+ z+ d> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 U8 z. l. P9 f1 U( m9 A/ A1 m; I
> > hour early.
7 z) k' r/ W8 k/ i> >0 @; a$ I( h$ r
> > Toilet Use! R. Z/ z4 l; ]& P2 `: V
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  J% {% p7 x7 N! s& ?9 V* Y: P5 q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# [* @* c) I. T# j( Y5 W
> > in the cubicles.' W  j- a% P) v. A' W" D6 C5 P4 U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% s! u# G& l7 E9 q* b' V0 Q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; f2 Z- s! j  }9 M7 t$ v> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# G# S3 _- n* E; @+ H
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 `7 {! b  E: ^  N> > posted on the company notice board under the9 |; _% c% u. A) ?; L, `- x
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
% h, U3 L2 n4 S8 j/ O, `" x% Z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 ?: f/ Y* A& j2 [3 m
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& u' A. b" v  o' a> > policy.& |" Z! M$ _0 {3 {  L
> >- d6 {9 g2 `/ R. L0 E
> > Lunch Break4 l! O- Y. t/ U* f5 R7 l0 E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ O7 w+ z* W! N& \
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.% E4 e0 f, w) X( {+ G% f/ t) f8 B. t
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" P1 V9 h1 u( _: W% D0 d> > maintain their average figure.
3 ?5 W9 i2 E: |1 D9 J> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 E5 t9 A" C7 d7 m
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ A( q, C& e( R1 i4 f! `  m1 c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 A8 s8 g8 H0 ?# d> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, O8 s& I$ K$ f! x> > employment experience.9 ^) Z% e) m0 f9 j3 j; F* ~2 c
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 t& b& d6 S/ U! T
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 F" T8 T# J' }' u+ A: t> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% Y  h4 K1 N5 R' z> > directed elsewhere.