HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:0 p: n# R4 s1 v; q/ y+ u% d; Z
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code) _; K! ^, Q' l/ B& ?
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ ?  T# a( y# p8 ^) Q5 u+ J/ m- J/ p
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ P- i6 l& u+ i0 v
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 [- l$ X7 P; d& C% s1 h* ]! G> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, m% Z( Y& {' t& s) [> > need a pay raise.6 d( @# z! }8 _* D7 y- o; q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 N7 |% ?; N6 X8 F
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 i$ l1 F: @4 h# W$ K* E) ~( C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, O" S, ^3 E: u! P. x  w3 N; A  U> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ O2 Z& {5 h9 ~! X/ t
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 E- b" }) r- E4 x3 q/ d> > raise.
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> > Sick Days, t" ~% _& Y' `" ^
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 |: \7 g, t% Q) `9 b6 W  ~> > proof of sickness.* m7 m1 o1 U  n0 a
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able( a, C! t7 x( e6 v$ `
> > to come to work.% W0 N" w; f7 Y5 Q& a7 ?
> >4 d6 I7 M( d7 y5 ]
> > Holiday Days
# E3 P1 q2 I  L/ L) y* h! Q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& `" g6 p, o# A/ \7 u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave6 y9 v# h5 F( [0 [! M& {' j
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ ~. e" `" [1 S* a0 g0 Q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 I  t0 q# W. n0 k1 O> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' k4 |3 s( k+ v
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; `1 v% B" R' c9 \
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; l7 {4 B0 i2 t$ Y( h
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 W" O8 h+ m$ b7 z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! v# ~7 W. W$ K0 Y( t+ a% j2 |
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
" x& h" v* R3 F( \3 [$ P/ m> > hour early.  d  u( D( ^1 Z; {: }
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> > Toilet Use5 O" F" W3 ~5 d9 @9 g, S, f8 J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ s) I% H$ a$ H9 l> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; ~; U( y$ N" ?( E& V$ f8 v) r
> > in the cubicles.; @; a, I0 l6 c
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' m$ v+ D: l2 o> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 A4 ]2 S- I$ ^: B$ ?" X' f: i; [
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ K$ t3 S) m; F0 Q
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 K; X0 d8 U2 L' {. D
> > posted on the company notice board under the. v3 L( P$ N  d  Q7 H+ F
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* q1 _* I; Z% z2 Q% D4 j1 L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% ?: T4 V0 X) C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health" D$ l  M/ N  T2 z  `5 i
> > policy.. x: G  G( o! v' L
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> > Lunch Break" P1 u  r; `9 f5 T, }0 ]
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, ^; B4 O& G/ s; I: G
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% H) x  S! p8 B8 D0 R> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 z! ?* I8 z% q, M> > maintain their average figure.# m( H- c( D+ I& A! u/ q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 d: Z+ w- W8 b/ [' s! R7 i$ y& `6 }- C> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' k# `5 s7 i: j6 Q5 j
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 t& j5 Q7 r5 z! q( F% J4 j4 ]2 n
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. r) v3 w8 n# [, B- z! S! F8 |; |
> > employment experience.
  g2 o  d! F3 Q. Z% s, Q1 M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  L/ l' R& ]) [, d1 J> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# ?3 Z3 ^# v. h* i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, K9 Q" |- g" B. V; j6 l! l
> > directed elsewhere.