娛樂滿紛 26FUN's Archiver

tonylo 發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM

HR MEMO

To all Employees: S7Fr/qE ^"w7r.U
> >                     Effective January 2007kS/I'y-e#vs
> >
;cP+G9Kn2YxK > > Dress Code
"O"?t3A0]vJ0h\ > > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$u5Vj]~x0Hl7xA[ > > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
G;g)u%d u? > > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume gH'@([)L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
TJ q~AO > > need a pay raise.[%^&[T C{i/~U
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
{ aAThj-F6ZUp > > your money better, so that you may buy nicer^:f3K7]$zA$E1D,} gi
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.'j/gNa&MbG;D
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where youcF'c0y J0p+I%HT2x n#L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
P ^2U h&H(P1y > > raise.
)pkg`v > > J;I-F4f'x:~$e}
> > Sick Days
[+?#a7^O){*X[ > > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as%F ?.G:V"K,Ku:^3Bd
> > proof of sickness.
J$i7eh(B%d > > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able \5i"?*b2[
> > to come to work.b z c1]Hvz ?
> >
D~wQ R-]"` > > Holiday Days
6_D x7v)Z(~8K g8Y;O > > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
\%^S-i/Oe/~ > > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday."hQ8f X-k
> >kfMjcI9X
> > Compassionate Leave R?$V&F9v9y6r1J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
!|xdOc6W[ > > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-CFK&pV C,_d
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
D,H,s5[8cpN4[ > > employees attend to the arrangements.
%s~ ~-u o]`c > > In rare cases where employee involvement is
$S&J4^E N-B hK6]*q6U > > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
~'G+m/g},L > > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work%ls;?'GkeqX-a
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave onerpk-d }r~
> > hour early.
$x \2A#PU3l0O'_t > >JvT/tiKPV JU
> > Toilet Usek'U8}4q;`r
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
o \]"[ l"y&s8K > > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit`|5{EfI nv
> > in the cubicles.,h7lBv8y#?u4~(I,k
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
v)Y,f+K,I h4S n+a > > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicleB A0C5v1J@([-D
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.A(Yqn m
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
Uqh+_#|z"h$z} > > posted on the company notice board under thePd8P4wY
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
!nDUq:`8T`MT > > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will bekUp8tB V[
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4ptL)W uB7g Wb > > policy.:R$|h4[,u2D&d c*s
> >~_ f%_#Il
> > Lunch Break
X,C5d{xW > > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
`S+tGi i1}+{ > > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
OCl.M?.h4l1I@ > > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal toY)Pv8N3R
> > maintain their average figure.7}i8S._:] nZU5k
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time;i"o7SOYU m8p
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
A7N S+D1MtcXz > > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9c"{{!fu6a3e,c
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
;WE)T[w#k > > employment experience.
zoa}'sO/tu#Sx > > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
S#|-nk-_'Y(n']7t > > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, C hc6BY'o-K-P
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
{6S+V D'u`1`&_Kqj > > directed elsewhere.

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