HR MEMO
To all Employees:> > Effective January 2007
> >
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/lQ$B2X+u0X!XG
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearingQ@ h^W#`
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume }.Q&i2b Y"h9d!f tI%Y
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicerN xQ%?]\8Gc q$F,r
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3K7^9U!n?
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.:[ v7{_"Y!FQP y
> >^1iB H'F\H(a@&\
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$~JL#VN ?5[
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. R HLb` F;HX
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing] R4T9W6XMUPz] ~
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-R8|n+~1?%C2N@`c
> > employees attend to the arrangements.3m B2{M oT
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is| TK1h/} p
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work ?pv$b6N$YPN3sN R5K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one wV5] o#N\
> > hour early.
> >
> > Toilet UseC%r'Q.Zd/G\2E
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit.kSJ}l
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2z1U^&KPW
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6H6mDl-@ YF {~
> > posted on the company notice board under the#mV,s5^L Z!g;ZyQ H)H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.'r b6z{ F9q+R F^
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7Hj,O m;H @u
> > policy.
> >
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they!e?:_O c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are-}.k z'ZX A P`'Rn%p
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,KL5T!^c
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6]"?CU$k[(C4z3F!J
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should bey7T(v U\G S v-aIzg
> > directed elsewhere.
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