HR MEMO
To all Employees:> > Effective January 20070D#^ i c!A
> >
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressedF0]T b7LX5N2~%gg
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6f0cx~fdh
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$u%jT&w4? z {+}
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you.s^-J |.],`G;Z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a payaB L } P1w.d"o
> > raise.
> >
> > Sick Days m\u ` nZ
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as*g/B:_:jR'Z ^]m
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work. h&U2C$Rlu/Y h fM'[
> >0rhN d aV!p6Y%c
> > Holiday Days-k qnN x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+j_(y8B j e'\5Z,U t
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >
> > Compassionate Leave!jES$p|-z4M
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-M7U+aM2zkR9ad ts
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/?&AOwc~:pE
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in thej+V,yCY H$N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2v Y,_g4j u h)~
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$G)c!x5ep/s |,V eh
> > hour early.{G2O$@(a l
> >
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in theS,o!W6`3b&O sj I V
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.!`pS-v w XP
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm willi4@Qc/|5B@ }+E8F,c
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/?RV4TrZ t e5[/tJ
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the o7K.UKK }
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2]bZ6] f}0B:J&U
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will beY E$lq%o i2`Gy6X
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/H-n Em}&b n
> > policy.z^2f#n {K
> >
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy./N0H1W%N"a:F9W7{
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8s6|5z,j)@ vn
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive,F)[;UU Ae l
> > employment experience./y9T(^!?:AQ*vd'p:~ E5w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,&DN V6BU4K,uF
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should beb*A"H%Nu1w7T5F
> > directed elsewhere.
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