HR MEMO
To all Employees:> > Effective January 2007
> >
> > Dress Code2@+n @y9G ^[
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed'D }s s }%l;V-i)YH
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage Tj;Q1N ]3z*}U
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3@e!Yr!F n5}o&z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where youSt5eK+A [1OO
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.
> >
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6Q)vDz9_^/IB
> > proof of sickness.(I7@6o!a3\z4~p h gm
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able~6K{ H$Sg\C
> > to come to work.t ~/y;b8|6q
> >${ zy d N(X |%M
> > Holiday Daysy*M/W,^#u+v6a]8T
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$Vol }\%_s/Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6j9g!Ff _1F
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to workVc(r z)Q8\
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.
> >
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1N)R z i7e,dI
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limitp ]'j:i6C$V/l
> > in the cubicles.RtN L&@M$m
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle)Gn9YYL9l M
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.3vT(x V(WR} Q$As
> >$n.H,[1RcJS!d
> > Lunch Break Z3RS$mJ)] r T4W
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.Ys6tQ"l"Q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.L,Z3r1p.U8~ h+d
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.!Bf,R"PtZf&C+|
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.d3W#CqY:UZ
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3^ R[ x X Z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8~dp.t)Ig&c6^
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.
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