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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:: I. R9 g" Q. E) {9 l
> > Effective January 2007
- R$ o% E# p! f! A5 A6 O, ?% _> >
; N3 H! S- ?* e> > Dress Code
" v) y* g, s. l3 S' c% ~ b" ^> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; G% T0 x) c, e2 b2 G
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
3 k( c4 k2 ^1 V+ w# L3 A> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume6 G# F- |8 y) ~- B! _- J* F
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 ^6 ?$ S1 b4 ]* `& j
> > need a pay raise. ~9 w3 J# I' X) }5 y* W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 Z0 A9 w1 `2 D> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 I9 u) l" X2 c6 \) r
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 V; D0 W7 O9 A7 h% [/ [* I- h' U3 E
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( R- S- `5 \; z3 \3 u' D* C> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 F6 e4 G' W( |# c> > raise.) V1 T8 S7 Z x2 H7 o( z3 e! A
> >
3 `! I. O; y5 L8 \6 ?9 _& G> > Sick Days
) s' ^; p/ x2 [8 \: t> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% W3 I; B. U" ~# R3 Y; M6 {5 P> > proof of sickness.' ^6 A7 p. V8 }' a) u& d e& u
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 u9 S) z& D% z+ W6 }3 P" n
> > to come to work.6 a$ x* p4 i+ \2 `- @+ ]6 T
> >' y9 h1 ~* F( `8 x
> > Holiday Days( o* I/ u% t. D' Y, d/ z
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
5 M& o5 h: f8 C& M+ g4 a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
3 y6 x/ m$ t$ I> >
* t, w3 ]% i3 X8 L* @. a: t> > Compassionate Leave& l9 @- W) b5 R5 F
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
}5 A- U) X# H. a> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* R8 v: l& ?/ R4 v+ [# v( {> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 j8 K T* i& r j" m> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 s, P& k/ @% N: f> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 c) u$ T7 [+ N
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 V5 s! N; r% K1 P9 j0 `
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
j0 \4 p, Q' w7 o> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* p% O4 Y& c* D8 |
> > hour early.
' R; L; }# U% o; f0 Z> ># t& ]8 z4 j! Z4 F8 u0 M
> > Toilet Use- B% x1 G5 p8 i7 g+ a- {
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ u2 R8 s# {. R8 l+ e
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
- D* X/ ~! D% ^9 G) E. c Y> > in the cubicles.
' B* T( r6 ]* B2 f, o6 g> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
) K) K' u; a* t2 R( _+ H9 U, e1 m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 U( F: A3 }! a: V/ t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 y; d! L9 v& @, P> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# |6 @1 k- L" d7 s$ b% O2 o: [8 s> > posted on the company notice board under the! O. L* |* N4 c3 N. o# t
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. u9 F' ~' e( G4 M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; R4 ]7 F& Z- \* {& Y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
* i& Y, a8 Q( H* R; R4 X( c> > policy." h' B8 {9 w" x- Y
> >6 p7 \; c+ `! t; I
> > Lunch Break' |0 k/ p4 z9 _4 ]6 C: V
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 o$ S y+ T q r/ k0 C2 U' _% z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; H" B% o) z7 ]
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) K2 q% Q3 M8 j; H: x8 H7 G
> > maintain their average figure.
0 ^0 X: n5 p" K% n) v0 F: _+ h2 B9 _$ Y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time/ S, Q& b; A* x* ]- \
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 S- N% S5 n+ {' y' p0 Z9 m: C> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 Q, g8 o. T/ }> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 g/ z6 F8 [* h( y) N> > employment experience.
% I) ]: M- S8 G> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( i. h: B3 ]8 j) \
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,0 _6 r1 P) |, o6 u1 e0 W
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" H9 C/ f7 e: H8 t: L% S> > directed elsewhere. |
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