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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:, V% [' U) c+ K0 g* q- ~+ v* u8 k
> > Effective January 2007+ o) R! O# ? k4 |: w$ g G% Y0 d- R0 b
> >; X5 M& x: H0 D4 U0 D3 P
> > Dress Code. Z6 [% x' e& R. n# |! Y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* m6 ~/ G% b# Q$ U3 t/ Q9 `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 G2 f/ ]5 M; t" Y# e F
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 Q3 S" E! q' I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 d, o; b- l; b0 e
> > need a pay raise.
2 e0 j; O+ R9 j> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 d. m4 X* |. Y" u> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 l6 }4 z5 @0 Z9 f9 n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ \# ] E* D. o B! _& s% z$ d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, y9 y6 U1 ?- E% h k% n$ R> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 D; E8 I1 C3 T3 x# w> > raise.
! G G) X) S( ^3 Q; w> >8 {- d; p E+ \( F* T0 |
> > Sick Days7 u" {7 W" d$ ]; r9 E) g8 C- l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as q+ l( W1 ^% h/ w
> > proof of sickness.
2 j& R5 _4 e I0 K5 `> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# ~, X3 K) Z/ f, e# J> > to come to work.9 {1 X; _( j" C2 V1 Q5 Q: F
> >
' M; ]0 o- e/ o> > Holiday Days# b+ c. O# }2 O% @
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 B* V$ V" L% X
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.7 S7 Z' ?; |5 N& R4 Q4 z% _5 `
> >9 F3 j: n+ v1 I0 ^/ J7 e+ g
> > Compassionate Leave
4 Z9 n; |0 L+ k; o> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 u( c- v% r) N: P* k
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 h, L- z; P- ]: K6 T; P
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ N" Y+ B; O! j> > employees attend to the arrangements.
* x% a# i9 k& e1 z; \& C7 V; O4 s> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& k( n' p1 K3 u5 q6 t: C
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the4 W2 d$ G! M4 Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- f+ v2 w8 c0 |/ `
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 m: Y2 o3 D" S. l- j; [
> > hour early.
5 u, u- v G" `8 J2 F> >4 u: c' G7 [6 f# ^. i' r# ^! y
> > Toilet Use# v2 c* R; s4 J, V- D5 h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 Y' K% p" E2 d> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& v' l9 F- M" F* [# r' Q
> > in the cubicles.6 f0 S& J- F n5 z% q2 _5 R* W0 B3 k
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: N; r$ a" I5 S+ o) J6 [
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle3 [6 k: p5 x$ e7 f6 s' @# e, X7 m4 C
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* l& g: [8 Q; j
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ _) e' C9 b% Z+ P' g, ?0 G, b1 |> > posted on the company notice board under the
6 }$ a! A9 i2 K* Z3 X+ d6 X> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 Z' @$ G- t: M' P0 c> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: _% T- B+ C2 k5 u3 X f. j6 E
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: E5 P$ J5 T1 U6 n/ J
> > policy.
( o4 e* S, r u+ `> >% x8 M) s3 Q! \+ ]
> > Lunch Break2 w# b) z0 ?- Q4 _. Z2 t& r1 i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they" `4 S V8 M# `, B4 x: ~
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 r6 g. t% \" h, E; r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* Y+ r4 A+ _- o/ i> > maintain their average figure.8 |2 ~; e6 c2 D. o4 m
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 g4 {( `3 l; y$ {, V> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
2 }6 l" K- a- J+ |0 [ k$ K. }6 i> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' ?2 D+ g( x! {$ R/ Y% R1 v1 ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: z# v' x1 w* d* [& X# ^> > employment experience.
2 n+ `8 [& ?( N2 f> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,7 E2 g' a e, X8 G0 m, y) E
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% n% f5 r% J4 ]. ]# _5 @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be" Y" L: } @9 V8 a+ h; }
> > directed elsewhere. |
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