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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:/ k6 J; J0 {3 a2 p9 g7 G
> > Effective January 2007
5 v1 n: Q4 U9 D> >
4 [8 N% Z0 j* N4 U- O8 V. G> > Dress Code
/ F. C+ M" m$ P: z- K" I8 ?> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
6 G3 B) v, \( b0 {> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing G; J" ]1 A8 l; ^7 v
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume2 R) a$ k6 O) k
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
5 K9 G) i2 C1 \2 r' C! }> > need a pay raise.
* b$ w& [, l; f, c& R> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* {! c6 d6 V; R6 x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer0 O6 l; r- B# `6 ]( c: C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
$ C1 q& T9 {& ~& f> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, G1 \' A$ ]5 d: l( e6 l0 F
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ U. [- z9 L# D! c) N
> > raise.9 x4 ?4 k+ U( ^
> >/ k: |! Y0 ?" i* g7 t
> > Sick Days" {; ~- C/ n [* l. o/ ^
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( Z- j0 l6 \+ {( E
> > proof of sickness. f/ g" J% g6 M4 q" [. |
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 h! L! q$ y4 H& _) x+ ^2 ]> > to come to work.
! d, `5 r9 Y0 p; K1 }7 W7 j> >$ P# k' E9 ]0 m/ v. o: I3 h* t
> > Holiday Days1 c$ W0 p; J' F, s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" j( U! N8 j8 T2 }& K! y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
: N6 U9 f1 F6 {> >) Q3 S0 T) o& d# o
> > Compassionate Leave1 G6 V( W# o( T( L( _4 W( Q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' P1 O2 n4 v4 [# P
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 s9 F. t" h. F0 ?* i
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 n2 [% D3 u! p4 p
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
X B2 j! S. R, {6 Q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" [; O9 e4 s- m/ ^& E
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: f9 r1 {# n( L/ L5 `/ r# e
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% E+ w. Z7 T& w% q1 O7 W> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' Z% M2 b. m+ t" b7 z8 a$ p0 ^> > hour early.
/ D4 @ Z' V9 o. G7 I> >
4 k, j( b' Q* X/ V$ M. o/ S, h> > Toilet Use& A P6 h0 Q/ a6 ?4 c
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" m8 u" ?5 `( D, l
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 c% e; a4 e" y9 B> > in the cubicles.
' |" H7 G+ F9 O$ W5 O+ H; P> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. f& w- r; n @" E> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" @& Y. G4 N ~# @- {% v
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 V; ]6 l9 a8 v! X! z X> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% L: P, C6 T, r> > posted on the company notice board under the
" q# J+ p( \6 P! ~; N9 h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.9 h6 E% P/ m( f# L; f0 o3 f* L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 L: n) F- p+ O; h Y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ O" @/ P8 w; G8 [! P2 v: V
> > policy.
* z o. v D& v% G> >
7 k% |' c" ?9 R) U$ ~6 o> > Lunch Break! K, v% l8 Q1 {
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& ?% @: x# [. v8 s4 i' W7 }/ z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ V6 r. i! B' D8 I/ d+ V% p; d> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 s- g v9 A# D" p9 X* F
> > maintain their average figure.
" ~3 P$ y) z; }' X5 ^> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, I+ t- Q6 i0 M( ~1 l( R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 }$ l7 C) {0 F) @1 V& v+ c
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 k1 Z! H" |; X* R& g8 u2 C
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 S0 R3 M7 c4 ?0 g. s4 `, I> > employment experience.0 T; {. O3 g6 I# I) M5 U$ W
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,; N) k2 e; r( T. n: H4 n, }
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& m7 A( Q# S+ t% l( S0 A Z4 ]
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( e5 w; @/ U1 U/ i+ \2 a" w
> > directed elsewhere. |
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