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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
" a8 a S. {/ U8 E, q; p- f> > Effective January 20075 N1 E- c0 V! z+ m6 p9 |
> >6 c. J2 H z# ^4 }% S% D" s7 w
> > Dress Code: r+ I: x- C: M, p1 \& Z! R
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ G4 H$ [! G, n! Z5 M> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 E7 j9 q* X2 v& ^, K/ D0 u& @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% F% D( B1 \: Y1 C3 D: o> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) h% m5 D$ y8 u+ D# g, H
> > need a pay raise.& x# V& g" G% A" o
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' E% i5 K0 I: T0 o. b. s
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) u0 H) {3 E- X+ d% x) ?
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: C% e% K3 W4 @. C! M> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 s! w) R* f) U' r. d( B# f; @3 j: v> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 J8 B" G( M/ r
> > raise.
7 E; }3 z# k* C. q/ k+ U! F, o> >6 x/ C( Y- b, y% ~3 g+ M& N+ _
> > Sick Days
6 {& k L4 [/ R# K7 Q* r% \% b> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 l; ]2 l4 n+ V> > proof of sickness.
! ~4 R3 { S+ I* I. C6 `> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" g* {! ?9 C% C2 s* B
> > to come to work.
6 X) M5 M0 ~) X* `) A7 k% h> >
' i/ N) Z9 o( q7 ?$ d> > Holiday Days1 I5 `# B, j4 w3 ?
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) E0 a) M0 T' M4 }1 B, K> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
% `- a+ I& C/ z. E s. k> >3 Z) `) T4 I) h
> > Compassionate Leave T h8 x Q# m+ U# _1 d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 v) \. D& S# r& J> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 v8 H+ j0 \) k+ q> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. @" W* g% S2 F9 m> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ S7 f+ v% E; J+ N' W
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
- y- j& R) E% d w> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ i; Q' j: `- x/ Z3 P3 A$ U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 J, s* y: O' } p* P* \
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- q9 f4 p$ j6 l" t4 Z" b% N> > hour early.' C0 |1 q R7 k. B g( u
> >( s5 X" w# \2 h
> > Toilet Use7 R& A- a; k& A" r0 o& h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ n8 }. {- H+ D; t% ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 _% t& S8 B* Z
> > in the cubicles.- _6 O* l" U& W& M K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 z0 g. S( Z; n( B: O7 C
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 M2 O7 Z- ?( ~> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) Q* e! P G, u H0 Q- s> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ T0 \ F& u6 Y" P8 A- A. u) f5 J! r
> > posted on the company notice board under the3 {) `% D# F4 m% w
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 p' F/ W) t5 Y# t/ C q
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: u) c! D9 F: a3 u' Q% U8 C> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 o) u( \" @) o" F/ C9 ]6 d> > policy.
; ~5 ?$ t8 v# a3 F> >; G8 Z( Z8 s+ n8 S$ U
> > Lunch Break
/ r$ N) A! `5 t# L/ i1 o> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 J1 |+ C- V% j+ O+ j: W9 t
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.7 l+ R8 V% H" z7 i4 L5 ^$ ]0 l* P
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ G- P& C. Y: \! b8 W
> > maintain their average figure.
: ?. _7 s) r+ x% q0 ^> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time/ [6 }6 q1 y: s( E# n4 T
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% y+ R& x9 N& C' D9 D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 w- v( x/ U" O/ t
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 J: ? [& f- _) T0 k$ p3 f> > employment experience., W* a1 ?) r! i5 j
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: }. {' i' N% H' @/ q0 T( J> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' a6 C- z" [/ p0 x3 ?# W8 b ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
8 ^2 N9 K3 p% T6 c& E; U4 m6 p9 o, U> > directed elsewhere. |
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