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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:8 ]. N( o' V5 n' p1 `! _( `$ T
> > Effective January 2007' a' n. y* s0 }* ]# I: \; Z
> >
1 r; K7 A% A; t3 A) N7 O( M> > Dress Code
( o2 u/ T }" ` N) E$ q1 j; a> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. Y2 y, ]+ b* U9 o> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 C1 w# {1 p+ x7 Q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ h$ [* \0 t8 @/ M' s> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# w$ L$ X9 C N. B- e- S& t/ D( W: E7 |> > need a pay raise.
5 U/ }# H h ?# h# i1 Y; l> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 p8 ?, _6 Y. F* N9 f0 z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 v9 g3 p* y4 _- E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& k i0 ]7 L( r7 e+ D3 V! m* ~9 s* p' ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 m: m. `4 L9 m T0 D> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" }) L2 W2 N6 K% T* i3 ~> > raise.
0 l& {) T- o( Y6 T: n> >
2 h4 |6 H( U: V/ e4 P) I> > Sick Days
; Q" W* _* B1 R w! J' {> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ z) W3 E. S& s m. d> > proof of sickness.
Q. ? R7 R0 j> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able( f O) a7 g: n3 v3 Q
> > to come to work.
& L& k9 K( l: s# I& ?* {> > J- ~9 ~" a9 V' _; o3 `; D
> > Holiday Days2 o4 P7 i" B5 b4 T# P* [' L) e% m Q. _
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% [+ E0 f* a0 G% {) \' p/ Z \> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
7 ?5 a" ^; q' e& Y' ]( t4 ?* M! H> >+ f& _ t1 L/ e* j8 ~% P# a7 D" u
> > Compassionate Leave
& F8 ]* R1 q7 G& ]> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
5 \& {3 Y- l6 a F) Q1 o' u; P> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
5 G8 l( ?, n* o5 W# A. g3 V6 Y5 f' C> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: m# r. `1 G; v7 H$ S> > employees attend to the arrangements.
/ _+ p! s& x% _7 r' [$ Z+ A> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 u) h2 [( u% M2 h) h" h- c> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: Y* {2 A% T8 h; X/ D> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 S9 P5 D( w: e! ^9 v1 i6 j
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one9 n7 g9 E4 |8 t/ f. p, ~- a) Q
> > hour early.
4 ^1 K6 [- P% V0 q8 _6 }> >
6 M: _% y5 E4 S* P> > Toilet Use: |# \. I) ?# i9 v
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ W5 ], X4 ] l1 _, ?4 c> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) Y% K' H4 N$ h( a8 t- G5 E3 Z> > in the cubicles.
4 A3 u c. R4 a O9 ]* U- C* s" t6 W> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will3 U" I* i9 W5 l0 g
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 G$ D; b3 B( K1 K% {+ X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; A$ D2 _5 m5 u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( }, S9 A" r4 w* @- p8 ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 y9 e1 }4 _6 B; b> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% W9 A9 x4 b) [+ N
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be j" L% I# C9 o: T) M
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ O6 X, f$ s6 f
> > policy.
$ B I% U; y% |& `! h( ^> >
$ m( f x4 g/ U. Q- C$ Z> > Lunch Break9 [0 Q/ v0 H+ s1 K# H( _
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 a8 t/ N6 z7 i8 g. V> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 R+ f3 [. y0 P2 L# ?# x> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ _0 `/ z1 L# J% a+ N8 u, ?> > maintain their average figure.6 b! s) m Y# p( |# m2 u+ A+ V! H! n* w; j
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( i9 A; u9 k! n
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.9 l/ M* F; q$ Q" ^9 X
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; f- B! g5 K# E
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
G" p& z' V3 J3 b: h+ |; q> > employment experience.: i+ ^4 D* a1 [6 n
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* C9 o5 @) Y- L4 `# {8 V
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- O: P" V/ x1 e8 J8 l( l$ Z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) }# R" |3 ^+ W3 v9 n# i> > directed elsewhere. |
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