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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:; s3 q) d+ j8 x6 c9 F
> > Effective January 2007
) [5 J4 e: I: R4 h3 P* Y> >
, ^ F2 B; {8 B1 e> > Dress Code
7 f/ ^* M, f$ C& Q0 g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) L8 ?' v0 W7 ?8 x. Y3 N* N; c. T' x> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" ?4 i/ w C/ l- R& c! l
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. k* }! V. r; b+ c$ X; I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
v# z7 P ^# \! u1 @" R# X8 O> > need a pay raise.
' l* @9 K0 u5 O/ N2 s% I5 @> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, ^, u2 c; J) E) U> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* M8 ~: n9 J4 V9 |
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 I! ?* `0 W( U- D0 N' _9 h4 [; F6 |
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 b9 R9 T) ~" D' B. R1 J
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 ?/ P9 Y' C* j; ?
> > raise." I [5 K* X$ R
> >" ?1 I, Y0 q* U6 P
> > Sick Days
0 z/ S$ G# B6 o) [+ @4 s3 K _8 O/ f> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. c: I+ {. G% y% j# d6 }
> > proof of sickness.
+ G% t* g5 K1 ?: V2 s; p) T& r> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% [" _4 }! z: p> > to come to work.
; l' R5 z5 {( i E, q. ]; ~> >! W! s4 l, l' g; w1 A0 D, f
> > Holiday Days
0 B$ k6 z) G$ x# n) t9 e: ?" Z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
7 b2 z! t( Q7 p' v% @0 R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
3 z$ e# B: m9 j0 n+ v$ \& P% B> >$ |' `4 D' G9 \: @$ b6 g: F
> > Compassionate Leave& v3 p3 X! n7 Y @$ ~
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" a0 t" M% w3 C! O: h, r
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ S4 H( j r! g7 k- Q: q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 }: _$ s- d1 G! _- _> > employees attend to the arrangements.
) d! o: l3 \& U, K1 m> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 h+ v. H) g3 g> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. q. A3 W* @. [7 ]! P* b> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; T1 b7 O; n+ X7 p" a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
X7 P8 ^; m; w: I. J( J> > hour early.
1 I" @7 Z+ H5 j9 D- f" L4 B2 N> >
9 |' U& V8 D. ^8 a5 c> > Toilet Use
3 U6 W: R( b# \: M> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 g- Z/ y1 @2 f$ G
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) V+ a* `! z' R! q+ i: v$ c# d
> > in the cubicles.- U. ~4 Q' K$ }- J0 c; T% o
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- I3 s$ p8 v. p
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) A9 Z# \& x% b3 X* Y3 K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; R8 c% s) ^9 K! {( K0 |8 C
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 v# P. i( a) ~* ?% e% H9 N
> > posted on the company notice board under the7 T: b7 N; n! U+ @) g ~, u
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' u8 X2 c' k, }8 m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
) w' E" h+ G+ H4 W2 F9 l* C> > sanctioned under the company's mental health) R5 Y. U# D/ e- u4 Q; R
> > policy.
7 y" G5 r2 }4 C$ u4 u5 ~7 f> >6 a2 Q; _, W6 P: ?' c
> > Lunch Break+ I, [5 s0 u: k# ^3 @* u1 A7 c5 r
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! _9 x* S9 R/ f' Y1 |' I, W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
r. c9 o( H* e* E" e, z' a9 ^> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ p* z [- u, W+ q H
> > maintain their average figure.
" a. l( H. e$ C0 c> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
7 T# o/ E% Q6 D7 p/ A* }! d> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 {4 w9 N5 B; d- m/ o> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 I- T; e* ~3 i0 G4 t
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 \0 K& j# {4 e& F: X' S
> > employment experience.7 I1 Y2 o/ p, f7 H3 b
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# z) a% h+ k1 y" N1 h* M. J> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; [: E0 q1 Q- t- S8 I6 q- a
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ k* h6 F. H* T) B6 i
> > directed elsewhere. |
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