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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
: F5 O/ |8 t" R! Y( \" }- z> > Effective January 2007
. h1 {8 d: \, M> >
4 ]$ C/ \* C2 b4 _2 D) c! }" e> > Dress Code
/ n; z5 H7 e$ C K; v* s. {> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed m7 L8 ?6 h1 Y; b; P
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 x: U/ Q! ~4 Z4 O
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' b+ ^2 ], z2 _0 C# Q> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ I* ?; u- D4 j
> > need a pay raise.4 M& ?8 u) f# h
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 i: Y# N5 J7 C# B3 s# b9 A/ b> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer; {3 B+ l' E' h- Z9 I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 ]+ G5 @; B0 }! ^7 Y7 d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 u; d/ Z# j; i1 c: Y O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) ~, M$ w* G; e" \& ?) b> > raise.
2 h5 l, x- l1 u/ I3 h> >& d8 e9 k. H/ k' ?7 Q! N2 ~5 N. _
> > Sick Days
/ _6 e. l6 }0 Z5 D3 N6 K7 Z> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
0 s$ L7 @( c; R6 n; o% G {0 ~> > proof of sickness.: F" t0 E: e8 s
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 f k( y$ J( E- {7 h/ P
> > to come to work.
% ?3 p( O9 x3 s6 Y; f; O% e> >
; m' q1 r3 k1 a/ d9 u> > Holiday Days, N+ B5 X. P$ H) x( R
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
$ x0 `3 t4 ?7 x( d) }. y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
4 g* H+ S F; `0 T) I+ E> >
5 X4 K( [0 c4 l" [, d+ v> > Compassionate Leave
/ C! x( `. F q6 ^4 L> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 v1 O- x# A8 O! Z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. h5 y D( p7 T+ ?' N$ p% l> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 _& c7 T2 w8 S' D* [0 f& v: S' I7 D> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 ^/ y6 i+ O& k7 {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ b/ y% G y# [0 j
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
4 W3 |2 d1 v1 ]) Z; s4 \" [4 d+ ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# {$ `9 W# V8 m5 w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ n2 e% [( q5 V. n7 y" x> > hour early.; |$ Q6 D9 E' M5 Y
> ># l2 z3 P7 }" s( u1 j
> > Toilet Use
, {5 R3 c- o# Z: X2 L6 z3 c> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- l" R& O( Z% }; M! k+ z( }> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit( i! k5 S) W9 }" W! t
> > in the cubicles.# \" k3 k: a$ Z) J" ^9 c# v/ D
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 s' z* A5 d! J3 N4 u! r> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# k" k5 ~% e- o8 g, T, t3 f4 _
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ e+ J# }6 k" a; g: y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 V% F" e# X! [( X4 w> > posted on the company notice board under the' Y6 M I% _. E
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; p4 Z; k/ I3 m+ C" B
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 J4 B" B8 \: n
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ L* V; r/ z$ M2 g
> > policy.
( T. U' b- I0 y# n; q3 f- c+ t! t> >
% o: m& R l. I> > Lunch Break! Q# y! v7 f+ m! j8 T% f; H
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 g/ D' e5 B* i2 s P+ N( R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.1 t: n: U+ w# B# _& I, ]
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' b1 _# X" V8 q
> > maintain their average figure.
" ^, E" |* r6 V, I7 _> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, j/ `5 t3 f7 T* ^) v$ a+ [0 g j
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' \* Y* l0 r5 |2 `- O; X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! P0 z3 i' h1 F9 o
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ l8 W; ~0 U& a1 T
> > employment experience.2 |, K H, A7 k2 J; j
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," K- Y5 Z0 r" F% ?$ p
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, G% l) q9 r3 \" Q1 G) x9 g) E5 }> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- h& M! x, p) ]0 ?0 |
> > directed elsewhere. |
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