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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:5 l; N4 Y$ b: V. u M6 ]; w
> > Effective January 2007
5 V' c7 C$ |: ]> >: B% l% u( r6 O3 | B2 a
> > Dress Code! T% X) Y+ C/ c$ R- W+ L1 V
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- c- g p4 B! q3 Q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 t) C" i* N! e1 `( d, F
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 G$ E ?, c' V& N; R
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% Y( ~+ Z2 I8 n2 g0 c' E
> > need a pay raise. v; J, @% @) n; Z$ B' ~8 k
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage( Z& R+ a- y# L( s; S& c$ f3 y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 y+ O# E" ~' p K
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 Q: e" D5 W3 `. @4 A
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 u! B% \" ], N( q" F/ Z( A
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
/ i) p2 M* v7 h% o1 k; C$ }7 s" x> > raise.
& C; W) ~5 W+ _# Y" f> >, ]* |1 N1 ^, y8 O) x2 i, ^$ T2 w
> > Sick Days) f0 f8 A& r( g. q# A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- g' K, C4 ] `$ O
> > proof of sickness.% N& `6 B9 W' O' @! y/ }
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
, C& n( @/ d$ O0 |& {0 _) w> > to come to work.
5 Q- c' J0 L( w5 \2 q1 B> >
# G7 T/ z/ S1 K, J> > Holiday Days! s! O8 Y0 K( t% r9 m
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ q( M o8 b* O: s; {
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( ?% P3 a, W% b: \. V> >
( u' @7 d+ K% ?( N' J' s& l> > Compassionate Leave
. Y8 ^7 r; ?# B3 J. L' K# j> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; q" {* y4 O% K- K> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 W. y! X. K6 t" _' H5 h7 [* z( w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; ^& q! V9 O/ r1 H
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; r" N2 y5 X. n, `# _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 @3 f S) m3 }" @8 r7 ^. t) T1 N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- i: ]2 J: ~4 X- o- L4 N> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 @* y* A7 E* Z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ d9 t" \0 v* [% O" R O7 U, w3 R> > hour early.
# G1 o4 R$ s) f" s. a0 G> >
2 R* D: l' S h0 r: y* N> > Toilet Use$ G5 h+ \: N) Y! b; @7 N
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 S1 [, X" Q: |
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* E: O6 f. z. K. @* g) j$ K> > in the cubicles.
& G7 i% H0 O6 n1 p D2 p; Y! m0 A' C> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& f- d9 I4 Y# F: I> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ }" v+ r }# r& U4 H: L> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 h$ F% g, T7 a1 l! G! j% V- `
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 ^9 p3 e( `3 A
> > posted on the company notice board under the
. d5 \9 k4 K, R> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 ?9 L. V+ ^, b# E h" L, H
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* m0 |8 }: V2 t% S. e
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 Z H# ~* T! u: ^- x
> > policy.7 R, ~3 L0 ^0 D5 a( g3 {/ F
> >
. Y' R1 Z4 _. ~" x, h$ o' h# @5 P> > Lunch Break' [) ^# Q+ O# {# _3 V2 g4 Q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they" {' c O a$ z4 O
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
d0 f8 N2 i& v D. O> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
. Q3 ?; P. l7 t3 z> > maintain their average figure.
* L, e. h2 t, Y) x; C> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: W- G4 z u5 ]5 z% G5 B
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 ]/ ]$ d0 b$ d5 o% P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* X4 Q5 f+ \( D- g: B
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ D" e, _" u, |& _> > employment experience.
- q: Y6 b5 A& k9 e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 t8 q* }8 |0 L) z" C
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! m# Q T' a8 c4 S/ n, b9 V" \
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# W$ i0 i1 {6 X0 j1 e2 u9 z> > directed elsewhere. |
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