HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007
> >
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 E% @& }/ P- _) V+ }3 c8 C
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." Z+ h6 ^" N3 E: j" X, ]" V
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 @) ~$ G! W, y0 X: t0 h8 \
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.. D' o4 r! d4 b- V
> >" \% {9 y+ I  ^" p
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness.) @, n  W  }3 j0 |" K/ N$ s
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.+ i: t( h- g5 o+ t: |* H/ S! C0 ]
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ N1 S5 n" ^! a7 x1 R6 b8 v, ?
> >
> > Compassionate Leave/ c& M8 ^; i# Z1 g9 `
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 r" E" s9 o  S2 T4 g. O/ Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) d8 J" t3 N& U! T
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 K( |) p# f6 D4 x- h! Q  A
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' C! l) _' ]7 _  Q; c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.; T' T8 H9 y, h% ]) c) e' N
> >, T3 Y3 y+ l9 z5 ~; Y& H4 {0 V
> > Toilet Use3 K0 l" Y* Y/ x2 p5 `( E2 D2 l; V
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 R6 M; x5 R7 D
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 O5 C  }# {/ h% j) G1 e
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.! T4 c5 T, K9 d; P
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health# m# C5 ?5 P. v7 ?
> > policy.7 ]; D& g2 ^! Q, ?$ ?8 e+ ]
> ># r. a* l; [0 j* r9 ^/ j) y2 `% U
> > Lunch Break" c: k0 _3 h1 A+ ~: P# E8 I
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 s+ m& z3 m: m; v) h, \
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.' n2 Y8 Y2 u  q7 G! `
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.: B5 @. g  A3 X: j6 |+ n  e6 y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ }) f( W- s. U# v+ m: R/ C
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! }3 H  t4 G- x9 r9 R- D3 v
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' W, p: _0 p" C: d+ [0 U* ^) V1 v
> > directed elsewhere.

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