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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:6 W9 L/ p( [. e8 {1 |4 x
> > Effective January 2007 i! Y/ ]; D) t0 C3 H4 h
> >3 H" N1 ]1 }9 V6 L- L: p" u
> > Dress Code
0 [. M& V1 X5 U0 \> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 l& q9 J, z3 Q8 W% G5 e: M0 W0 @. E: \8 [
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 ~& s. @5 z$ w% M" y6 n> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( ]2 ^9 o2 e5 w; ` I( X> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 q" z, |! b$ M5 n. R+ D) E9 ?3 W> > need a pay raise." d, G r2 w" R, ^$ ?/ V$ P
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 n8 S/ K0 V. F
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# r6 i9 r7 i A$ L2 _
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 i" s. ], F6 Y; D" Z) o) r
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 C& @8 O+ F5 U% S
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' @, i' q8 u8 }1 c E> > raise.
! H; i- n" X5 F, u3 ]0 p> >
R# t. s) @8 h& D> > Sick Days
4 O9 e6 b2 C, C2 c- x- {> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as7 b% j' Y9 I1 H: [4 {& G
> > proof of sickness.
; a Z+ \1 t6 p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, J5 Q2 u( x+ `
> > to come to work.1 _# X6 ^2 R3 X4 b/ G0 Y1 w
> >7 J( K% ?) Y* l3 I( B8 g, K& Y/ h. p
> > Holiday Days7 U8 c! T' S, q( g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
$ v: k6 ~% V( `! N' l- O5 a" S> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; h) F- R# w$ v3 y
> >& t. W: y0 v9 B
> > Compassionate Leave
' d T8 h0 e5 O: x6 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' Z w3 \- O( c5 U) i0 c
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 |3 T5 U6 I; P% {> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 f; B" }! Z+ n! s5 I( b5 }
> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 ~, M5 k# l: e
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. [* a* {) u4 E H, a( `9 k; c) r> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) T3 V4 d( v6 q7 T- {; j> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) s; y& o: P, z' d. L
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& w: y8 r# x; R8 S
> > hour early.$ v/ s: p/ Y% F3 ~
> >
) Q1 T8 Z1 t. N> > Toilet Use+ H6 a- z! U$ G' S, F# [0 H5 [
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 m* V4 o8 T7 [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 \0 f8 x @ n0 X1 R> > in the cubicles.
0 q4 ~( V1 n$ [' H( c> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, ^0 I4 \: K% n
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ n- X) Q4 X, t8 H; j1 ]> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 a4 |1 H# |3 W
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; F5 l5 k N' E- z
> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ D) b: L4 Z1 O X# j> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- B# E& o0 r" P> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be$ ^% d. d2 R. m* {* f
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: H; @) C1 w1 P
> > policy.7 ]1 u9 Z( E# S& S
> >6 d2 V, Z2 b, E8 P) |0 D% z
> > Lunch Break) g7 D, g; u; L9 a5 n; L+ ?
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 w0 n" f% j0 I9 \2 z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 E5 O' b( |5 h" W> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( M! H! p& I, b2 }$ s8 F# A% o' v
> > maintain their average figure.8 ^& I8 P9 }" U) ^; {% o5 N) Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 k. ?5 F! A" {- j> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% ^3 a2 s" j' I4 w/ w+ \> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ ?6 e6 [; I; ]+ w! P2 w> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive% A- d4 S/ d$ Z3 x( z$ S% Z
> > employment experience.3 Z; N6 v7 ^# R9 d
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ a% n) T4 C( V1 f8 R; [8 f. |& q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& C/ ~( r2 d1 u( U# o. |> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 u* R1 h; a I |' Y' D% h$ g' \
> > directed elsewhere. |
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