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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
" M0 H5 T1 W% \* @> > Effective January 20070 I! V* W: Z4 ^! j$ }; O
> >; N! l7 ^6 y& q }% Y
> > Dress Code0 U5 D. D" I; p* Q" Y& b7 C
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" W. T2 }/ V! ]9 o/ y% R3 A> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
k" \9 K' z% @' \* O> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 s6 X5 b0 a- a8 f9 \1 @6 }& A; E& K
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 W( C& v$ ~+ U> > need a pay raise.9 h8 d3 K* Y. p: e# V
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. h) u, C' s" F& P j4 U% W5 B1 J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 J* ~# s+ e7 E6 d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 ^! h/ A' q# K0 g$ w2 C* `% ]& n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& [/ V& Y B8 I6 O/ Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
$ E; j/ \, [. S; |: }: m9 u> > raise.. L& }- c6 ~' r+ c( c+ q
> >. j2 ^1 W( r$ i- W, U' [
> > Sick Days$ G7 a& k( z! A0 F5 W+ ?
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 O- O3 j( z) T$ c. z# n( \
> > proof of sickness./ U/ ^" N: m; M) X- y6 j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 |! `: `" c+ {. e* h
> > to come to work.4 [; J; m ]& e" j
> >2 G6 b- o C2 t0 s% |' p- o( p
> > Holiday Days, E% O6 i( Y0 B: G
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, |0 Y8 p: K. B1 j5 J> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 ?. b0 m) z8 l: f" X, b$ M
> >0 J1 ]2 v! V- {% N' [( j" O
> > Compassionate Leave, K% u N4 ?5 ]9 g
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- p( \, G9 p- f+ o( J0 t
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% L$ u9 {" {8 W
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
- z1 A" B/ @1 L8 z: O> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 E. b+ O8 |5 _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. u, X) g8 w% J( R S: g9 u> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. [7 g: h! W* v$ e# ]. p! X> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- D1 K1 h! Z2 k$ ?# f
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 c8 ?' E% |; ]. a" }7 B" t> > hour early." `5 R) ^: t4 w
> >. i, Z" v- g# L0 S
> > Toilet Use
/ G3 R7 W7 ^3 I> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 c$ Y% ?. U% L6 V3 ?/ w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 {8 U/ G- y+ `( ?+ `# Y6 |* c) n> > in the cubicles., q3 ]1 A) J" n; a( ^
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 y- q' c/ X0 Y2 I> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 T7 A2 ]4 i% t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: k2 r" X* M3 s( c; b> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* i; V# }4 {1 f. A# ~> > posted on the company notice board under the& b; {* W9 g6 a. o
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 O/ H+ Z4 Q, f) S$ l- Q, Z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! X. i B B" |( {( V b7 H
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ L: N9 |3 v x, @1 I8 [5 n1 i; m
> > policy.
+ O! k' K- R7 r+ M9 a* s# P> >
% ?5 P+ A+ {5 t1 ?, G> > Lunch Break9 n, [/ s6 j. K$ z" z: {' r5 h
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
% N+ \. \5 V7 n5 B5 X2 ^> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* y6 D! F q9 @, P> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
A' h0 s# A/ I+ `# R* y> > maintain their average figure.
* M; m7 R' P' W0 [5 J# u, p i# Y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' f* e m5 S/ j> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 K# s; Z9 Z1 w- I0 Z! P: P; r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( Y& C: {% f9 s5 k0 z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, M5 c" d( }" r) m1 Q$ l> > employment experience.* B1 a' Z; b; J4 g2 W8 V8 {; q
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 k7 l9 }& m0 Q# b8 T; e+ I4 h
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 |- v& H) o% `7 L> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' l) B3 [7 S% K
> > directed elsewhere. |
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