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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:4 G3 j, V% c: t* L, r k/ L
> > Effective January 2007
% c1 a8 N' U7 u> >
9 N8 {+ \0 [* ^5 y$ D3 x6 l> > Dress Code
( u& N4 E8 V% g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ x+ h8 o! t/ l8 L# s4 k Z5 K> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 a2 j8 U( l' m# a> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, V2 p# l8 O8 K" [) s> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! S9 b7 |" U4 k# j- `2 s
> > need a pay raise.6 Y! i! D5 q4 l
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 e l- _1 d, W" H> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% X- G/ Z- }" [5 s G> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 V) v& w8 B& u; f8 E> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: O ?2 i3 w7 d+ X8 e9 c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- Z# U3 a+ z/ k( T) z+ l4 I
> > raise.6 _7 R5 @5 I7 X. H) L- i
> ># K5 O b; T. u: j$ e# }1 Z% m" N% s
> > Sick Days" p3 z. h" V4 y* `% i( d8 H
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ R1 g% s2 [; S> > proof of sickness.
& e( b( b& g+ o. E @' y> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ i2 p8 |9 {7 N$ ]( R/ w
> > to come to work.
9 n: | R5 O6 z2 E- b3 E" T> >5 p3 a& L0 A8 f( g6 Z; u
> > Holiday Days% A& `1 n7 T. F) p3 P
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- T3 ~; D' L2 h* W' U> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: P* a* y# c; G/ h2 o( a. t5 u
> >
2 C( T- U) {& w' U> > Compassionate Leave+ q3 O9 _& M4 F# q7 a) l
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 F& u, x) a% F! E> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 J, \4 x4 P/ T# W$ A
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: c/ F, }# y: R> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 h) U1 \3 w. `3 U' ]) n
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is f3 o' ]! K0 a# t3 h0 t8 l
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ j1 f8 }3 p# F: {- f X
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
9 T- x. p5 @5 a+ Y( R, W: z> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 G g2 B# G2 p3 O, N# E
> > hour early., X4 V) ^' w0 w0 o# h3 A$ m9 j
> >
7 m$ C& W1 a' r0 [> > Toilet Use
/ X0 ~! i0 f0 [. @4 @; ]/ b* A> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 `- w; Y9 `. B$ _; k
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; B5 V4 u! Z! V# c4 H7 U9 {
> > in the cubicles.; o# [0 [7 x( G3 C# u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& g0 Q: w! N- S9 t> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
v. A2 {9 N# j, h! C" k> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ C* v; w4 P: ?: c- ]( t
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be, I2 C$ ]8 E4 S" k
> > posted on the company notice board under the
" [, c& H7 T \- c; k2 `5 s) h> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* p4 u( p) J! h' |
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; k, z' ^) j5 |& Y6 F
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 E* f5 W2 L- s6 J4 R' C* O> > policy.
6 q1 }9 l* |8 b6 H> > d2 W H- e% Q* E1 F. B
> > Lunch Break
8 [* C% U/ _) R. i) x> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
" v U: T( c" \8 B0 E; M! I> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
y v5 e: ^- B; r: F> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 Z8 ?* T1 C6 d7 L# S# j" u
> > maintain their average figure.! J8 L5 s) b, w1 h+ c( c4 C* h
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: G* F. d, F5 J) t7 N> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ ]% V# v; q R, Z% C+ g% T
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 o! G7 s- ^: ]4 B+ v> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ z4 Y$ X* L# Q* b( f5 j" B
> > employment experience.- f: m0 r0 h# x2 T: v
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 M) A3 H# I4 P$ ~> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
6 m3 _( f+ a* w8 v> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' J) k$ G9 U, j2 U4 m. U' _4 b5 K
> > directed elsewhere. |
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