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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:4 O. ^. m( {3 U
> > Effective January 20075 y% m, U3 J4 d' t |
> >
" O/ ?/ J6 A8 z' H7 |" N, ]> > Dress Code
- ]8 q) @8 R/ a& G> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. ?; y$ \3 `3 n* H2 [> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 h! Z2 w& y2 Z: E/ P' y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. F K3 S' P0 H' E3 J! |
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 S% W# O$ `9 v- X/ e' x> > need a pay raise.
& X% y1 U. M% x: {+ ^& r( {; `> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 r8 ~/ |* k# I% V" V( Y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. |, m& S6 j0 K! Y! B* }" \# [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: e: P; o- X: s7 h( l> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" E& z" i9 h# A' X/ ?. J! w
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 }+ F. S( x/ X( {. h0 N/ c' ?7 O> > raise.4 Z9 p3 _8 n% o* u7 n' Q
> >) X; C2 u u6 m) P! n+ \
> > Sick Days
i+ w3 `4 M2 z" L# x5 G> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 C; v* U! {8 {; o7 K3 j
> > proof of sickness. ]9 L( @, N. {% q- W
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& z4 ^% v8 _6 z
> > to come to work.3 D2 y; H. F- x# s9 @
> >8 Q# Q5 N, \3 M: y
> > Holiday Days$ ~3 a" s! \2 x" r$ g* E
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" S; e$ j0 B- I7 X8 U$ w) {> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
# T! O6 {! o4 O# X> >* d( K0 A5 s+ d+ y9 d" k
> > Compassionate Leave* E1 x6 H1 O* H9 j2 j- X" k; e- z, C
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; x* B. u* p4 }$ M2 S1 ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 v% Q* f# p7 V2 j0 P2 |
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* z6 _' b8 A! r' F" N> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 b0 L! m, X @; e
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 S ?- D% Q1 d3 v
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# p+ t9 ^) U9 }( n" }4 Y: p> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 J: s6 z' W0 D* l; u" d w5 ?> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' }, Z4 c# P' |! B, I: @4 {( G> > hour early.
Q8 d- n7 u3 x, H> >
- F, Q+ f% n! m/ K+ x* H> > Toilet Use
( M) K2 P" [9 Y( Q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. f+ x- l H C0 U% B' ^
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 @# M( n7 A, o( Q
> > in the cubicles.8 u9 i) ]. u0 A8 u4 ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
) @) K+ D* `3 d x> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; t$ T$ ~! G5 h6 \> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ u6 [0 G) E. ~% G, l
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, \7 l& F7 @0 ]5 L% Y> > posted on the company notice board under the
, D3 R4 O5 j! U" s( y: A% w5 @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 w: r7 o, t: a) |" i
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. D- v2 i, @1 Z/ A5 m$ V
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! }1 v' b9 }, j' W) f! b5 c$ X
> > policy.
! z& h- k4 }0 K# @* A' d5 E% u. ^> >
4 O6 |* ~2 b0 x1 J: D+ ~2 K> > Lunch Break& Y* Z2 @. j6 w; P b+ h
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 D# h2 @$ k# ]- ^) O9 t
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' j2 ^# V5 ]* q6 ~
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ A5 K" O; n- \( _+ F$ D1 G
> > maintain their average figure.
, D/ L+ K F# P) ?> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
! z6 _2 T! s# Q$ c> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- H2 o# u& Y4 Q D) O" u5 P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% c" M* b" X" ]0 M6 o
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& V0 R4 F/ P0 I$ P; M" u- u2 j
> > employment experience.( @( `" X$ X0 v) `! [, i# l, R/ ?
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 h: O* ^) J2 l% N, Y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, e- d( [( y3 w) `; c0 n- j
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) V0 N# Q. I/ G1 A4 x( H8 c6 c( O
> > directed elsewhere. |
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