HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
2 T' X" Q! Z4 [# M> >                     Effective January 2007+ a* W$ r" q' ?. W: l5 H( l6 k, }0 F
> >, ?1 S6 w; G( ?2 |0 A( t# m7 |- P
> > Dress Code! @( B+ O$ p, O' w
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. {: P) [% [2 {7 ]( L
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# C3 [' l8 l" t5 \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 c8 x. f; I, K" J# C, q5 F> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 L  K  P3 x3 b9 S! i& M! P> > need a pay raise.
* i) ]8 g: |8 d. a- b& d> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
; q( L  s, }7 q8 Q+ \4 Y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 X0 `2 e  ?# M$ t2 @  F
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; Y6 B% H/ L' [/ E
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 |" i# t) p8 V( u# N1 I/ t- O1 J> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' u2 b' a2 A# ?> > raise.2 _# I2 _' m1 I2 |
> >$ M+ ^1 j( _# u% ^; Q
> > Sick Days- l8 ?; @" V0 f9 u" u& D+ T1 |, B
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  h8 R5 Y7 e4 u* F
> > proof of sickness." q4 @1 `/ u- r5 V) U1 D
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ t& `! L1 I3 R: E> > to come to work.
# A  B  Q" o9 p1 r( p3 l> >, g! ~" {3 l+ y" \1 x3 n
> > Holiday Days
( `1 V) S, R6 J* I) o. r* \( c> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- K; x9 w  I  O1 |4 l" {) h
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& t. I1 _5 y8 V( D3 O> >
' \9 g! W: M& ^  {9 }9 {9 o; B> > Compassionate Leave8 `  p5 `, l# Q% G: d6 u
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 R' o* ~0 _) Z! n% r/ x# J; o1 n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-$ e) g. u5 z1 w. A* b  k$ b% {
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ Z) {3 z$ e) F- m! Z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
9 V( q& _4 U+ b& x) G  ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) \& `8 J5 `' d2 _> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 P( Q% i. S0 ?1 V
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! G0 u$ R- ~. W: g6 n
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 w& X/ D; v$ ^9 Z5 N6 ], j> > hour early.
' D; Y2 W1 a- y- o% w: b> >$ I7 w+ T' R1 f& u& H: m  ^6 `
> > Toilet Use
, p% a; z8 y0 w" |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ `& z7 u% C% n
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* f& u4 g& B3 ?' g0 M( x  ?) e# D0 [
> > in the cubicles., G! K+ V7 G6 \% {
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- t+ D: [  y) u
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, `9 `0 T" [- p6 ]> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ L! L" @" d0 V: i( o/ v+ ~> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: W: \1 C  R- c1 m. \2 I* @
> > posted on the company notice board under the
& `  l' K# Q. \/ h' J9 Y: _> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( p+ t2 l4 Z2 L1 g  m> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 c/ H& g7 ?& }' {4 r
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health; j' `( U, M% e3 ?+ o; L) ^# U. B# p
> > policy.
  ^; i* r( h3 J5 U> >
. C7 o$ ?' A2 Z: g  |$ [0 w& {4 W9 Y, x> > Lunch Break; R7 X9 y; I1 ~& t; o1 q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ p' G3 D/ a2 g3 d; Z" M
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 X& B+ m$ l- d. Z1 u& Q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* s+ L5 Z' @" _9 D3 ^> > maintain their average figure.
& x* b1 N: H1 n& g9 F; @> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time  |, ?; Z0 u! O- v
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; \! O1 ~4 d" b) G5 e( N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) j7 Q: P% @/ ^* N! ?' G, a
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
( n5 ~9 E. M% E/ C: I6 J> > employment experience.
, {/ C8 R1 G. z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,) N9 X- _/ a6 R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,: g, B% q/ q8 h+ I  |2 e, X  K  G
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 e- c8 A4 y( e
> > directed elsewhere.