HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. z8 s8 J- Q/ u( z, }
> >                     Effective January 20071 {! s3 y7 z! V9 U: o  {
> >
6 Q$ v/ Y+ ^9 K8 E/ |> > Dress Code
$ w& ^& l  B7 U' v5 w> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 W8 v' W# T; l4 M0 }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
; k9 k# l) }2 R! y% k> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 U$ Z  q& k% V4 d  l% _2 y1 Y. m' o> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, B1 N4 \3 y/ }* L! d3 \. z> > need a pay raise.+ m% E! m7 @, J! x9 |0 ^, ~
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 a: I% G8 T% w+ D. S+ d; O, \> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% g% z; H$ g/ M; L4 ~" [! s8 N
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
! i/ }- x! @$ C& w3 t> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 H; D7 i: `$ l4 K3 r$ \: i2 q9 `
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
( y( l- t; I/ E1 @> > raise.
/ ]& \5 \! H. `" i; k> >
4 C, y" q5 C; \( X5 \> > Sick Days0 w; x8 X1 s+ g# C5 i" n" v9 `
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% S* p# O/ f5 E/ G) F, \; F
> > proof of sickness.
" G  F( V: c: u7 l2 M3 {- Z" c> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ v# B# C* @! Z5 u
> > to come to work.
$ R7 S0 O: _& p8 I> >; w! M$ l( h8 E2 n% p/ {/ D/ o
> > Holiday Days
% O! o! F4 @: y) `0 O# z1 M! v, t- ~> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* E6 F8 G! I% L6 }1 h  }& S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# G* o0 Q" T* Q8 [- D$ K
> >
2 n) h, s- S9 V. ]' y> > Compassionate Leave4 K# {' ~, u  `* H- G, _
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 C: P$ n6 d. {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; `- A2 b1 i! V+ ^8 w& j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) B& o/ \) c6 k% G- w7 V0 Y
> > employees attend to the arrangements.( J9 \" C% a2 e* P# W
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- @% B  j& \$ a0 B* y3 r# J  z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
( s4 W, D8 P- y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 m2 i" U1 }' J1 Q( q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one8 ~  Y1 z/ u/ F4 {5 k, d
> > hour early.9 I. n/ n" S, P; r7 R9 z, V
> >  p3 ~4 {5 ^9 G. X! k% G: l0 S
> > Toilet Use
- G' W" [% w$ E* h, F9 |( z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 U% ?- |  g0 h5 H
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; J9 K; n" K  e* O- W, Y> > in the cubicles.  ]! [* ^# e+ d6 `# @8 S
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* s4 s% {! q4 f0 R; T. p- n
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ Q$ w6 S( q/ c5 x; I2 I% b9 ?> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 I* L4 `+ g+ ?" Y% H0 Q) N8 y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ _$ h* i) q. d8 Z# b# b
> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 |: g* v5 N" f& H. A/ e$ j1 f5 [> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ x/ u& u# Y$ Q1 H: D( }# E' p> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 E) S# h) G6 Y2 v. m" `> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' }. i3 [; h' ?7 l; P5 T* U( c
> > policy.
8 s0 x, G; C  X> >
& d) `: u) t# Z8 N, o* i% W: H> > Lunch Break
* c; O! C/ X0 R7 O1 Q& r/ x! `" W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ j: \5 J: V0 y! W$ a- W2 u2 `
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.  i* [& C9 m: t
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' s+ V# P8 M3 f1 L
> > maintain their average figure.; p' p/ w. h( X/ X( E) E0 B6 u! _
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& t0 K2 d" ^; S2 U- k> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. r  X9 C& c0 g8 J2 _( Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. V; O% }. ~8 I3 C$ P! D7 C" N> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: }8 L! R  o5 r> > employment experience.+ N, p6 }; l; e+ i" T) ~
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 r9 P& v! A, B8 h> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* S' [* F- @  f; a> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ W# N$ t6 W2 i. b& {% ~  W
> > directed elsewhere.