HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:% f: {! V0 h: J. t) B
> >                     Effective January 2007
& J* a! N8 X8 n6 z) ~> >
& ^$ a- w7 H$ T" Q) V5 W> > Dress Code- a! J! E3 r& |6 ?  F( }6 V1 |
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ }' m8 I* m7 I8 y- K  U6 V/ X2 _> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' F) a4 C# l, \- t6 d
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume% A7 c6 X' s$ G( G& D* {" B
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
  A0 b4 `; \6 s9 b. Q# V$ M2 T> > need a pay raise.- z: |0 a! n& I/ b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 ?  `$ x5 M! P* }$ T$ ?8 L
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) @* y' {$ I7 R" f3 y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.  l5 Z& A3 B6 r8 V% E! Y& Z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" R) E. D- l4 i  D9 D' r) d> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
$ r. g7 B/ [# x( e# \1 @! a> > raise.. {: h, W; T7 H& O/ F5 t" {1 a
> >2 n; N& v, w$ M, d2 m
> > Sick Days
' |$ e$ q. D/ P! A3 h> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
0 Z; r9 l1 B+ r! W+ N. F/ D> > proof of sickness.
( S7 P" B7 Z9 C- a4 b> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 @$ w. K1 O3 r1 g> > to come to work.
8 w2 E+ f  X. A% [: l/ H> ># O. N4 O1 R6 M& e8 W5 {- s
> > Holiday Days  a- T0 z2 s5 t: O: c  P8 F
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" |  [/ y, y- h8 B
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' t9 }' w: S, S, K; w2 j> >
9 g% {, c5 n5 u' m, l# b, D! @> > Compassionate Leave  ~0 T3 U6 @$ h' z% ]
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& P. J. {# J+ Y( x/ y9 [, G* S
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  Q6 [% }( d0 Q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 x$ ]* Y4 _' B# ]> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 ], x3 g6 G; e! C3 I
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 _; [$ s. }0 ~5 u: f  g( m. X
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
( O4 ?3 _. f: Z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) L' Z1 ~  b% b; a0 ~; N* n' }7 T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 M9 m: l6 i. k. U> > hour early.) d9 i: J% p; Q6 c  q( q2 m9 f
> >
* [$ H! P+ B  }2 l$ P( a( f> > Toilet Use' {8 D3 k4 D" o( l% ?2 s7 m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& X, s6 ?1 m" {( Z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ x- c/ E5 A) J+ k> > in the cubicles.+ f% |; E$ U: H, ~
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 j7 h9 p3 w, U  O> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, t3 Q- S1 V8 Q& \5 d, ~
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 x6 R, M9 I' @$ `: y% F( C3 z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; \8 j- o4 Z7 ]( G8 f> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 y4 q3 U2 o6 K& [% ^& r8 ]! c1 T> > "Chronic Offenders" category.) _( a0 T" R9 B9 c7 H6 B
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& K5 b: B2 ]. H/ I2 I( H* N> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' H& D. y: a7 _  o" b
> > policy.
1 B# r* g3 h& S4 w: L2 `" I. F> >
9 W, C- O  F5 E> > Lunch Break' O* d1 G% R8 ?3 w% X: y# B, T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, l& \0 M# h  Q! n' v6 s# p/ W- o> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* n4 ^  @( m# P2 v0 y( T> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ R! h$ O9 j: C) H$ i
> > maintain their average figure." |* y) u- S# X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: V8 @* ~+ c0 j% `: J5 t/ \> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  h6 w: w7 h' t& L" [1 s+ t% C. j> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& C& ^! d; n% U3 f, h7 A5 B
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ V& r* k4 o  `( y" S1 i2 D8 t
> > employment experience.
) x3 h0 D' ?9 ^1 B> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( z5 Z2 S9 C5 j; [5 _6 j
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' ]/ b/ e0 f: L" Z& s
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ j4 ~$ Z- b7 {* q4 W' Y- c> > directed elsewhere.