HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 k# N1 c; a$ |# s> >                     Effective January 2007) h* `; b* O7 F7 }$ R, A* J, a
> >) g5 w% B% c  v# E# I. S
> > Dress Code
2 p( }( \; G) c5 T7 X  v- i! x> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) W) C- Y$ Q3 L+ D> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: p) b+ G/ a) Y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume8 o5 ~, M2 C2 H( J, N! K9 M
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
. Z* m7 F, R  ?1 d$ V7 |> > need a pay raise.
" M( ?* `! Z  x/ i> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage! b# z' M# x: d4 F; y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 t7 }" Q# _0 x> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ _1 D* E) P% F2 U- s> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! b7 q; H/ [- W  _> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 y, k( I- |6 X6 H* P> > raise.
; o: F) g- @' y; `# h4 e" H> >
: D0 _# ]9 z: x( Q* z> > Sick Days. o6 ~3 F- o8 W
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 p+ [2 W4 G) t" e7 B+ `/ ?, v* P" f> > proof of sickness.
! h) N- [+ P. H4 v- {( O> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) {; e, }- I4 v  e" s3 @> > to come to work.+ M0 v  ~1 @6 G
> >
  G$ n. o! [/ B! t+ K% [9 m> > Holiday Days# |/ B* T5 ]6 x+ Y4 f3 E
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- D! I% z0 ?' P2 D) a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.4 y0 ~7 O! _6 h2 O
> >0 Z) m) D& F6 T- ]7 Y
> > Compassionate Leave
& @, g- V3 X) J: }6 b9 |> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" Y- a9 V- v' P& ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
+ ?% G; r0 q  f+ g0 x> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 ?, W9 g* H7 X: p. p, T. C> > employees attend to the arrangements.  O, q% E6 n+ A
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  |; Z9 D6 i7 }7 N, d, E! ]& O3 a
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 D; p9 G0 K# U0 d, a4 r+ E0 }' ^/ I4 |> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 ~1 j5 v  F4 [+ R5 o5 t
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 L: ]: ^' {8 o+ Y' i8 j> > hour early.  `/ B, @4 M) S7 X$ z" V: A  ^
> >
* E8 O8 L, o" f, h  m- r> > Toilet Use
" T+ M" G0 I; d6 W> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 K* w0 `5 M: x: w% K- i% W+ P> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 j3 C( y8 g# g: e5 o' E/ z> > in the cubicles.0 s: o$ c- Q" T5 P" E
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% r$ j$ \# V) W: E5 v1 |7 y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle3 g, g2 ?3 m+ j5 _$ P
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 x( V5 |. V8 Y, Q# o
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( e" Q! t7 k- ]> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 z1 k) w7 y) V- ]$ r> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- T" D0 i& @" b2 W& A% V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 b7 R0 \, f* t  Z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 I: h. T9 n6 o% n. T7 H+ J> > policy.
  E3 Q( o+ Z" X  c- p2 g* X( |> >
8 k' ^. c0 p2 w> > Lunch Break/ `! E: G' Q; C, [0 b
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 I" Z; M+ [8 |1 j7 S. j% ]# l; T! K> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
  S- J7 E6 k( ?  _> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 I% A8 l, N/ B5 X& n$ o
> > maintain their average figure.: k3 J  i, k) K' h" W/ z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 h* S+ G8 ^. h: O! g- ^4 @> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' m% q2 L# k1 V/ ~  G& ~; }
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 @& H8 E3 j# O/ a7 q" V  b* H
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 o0 E- L) y7 u2 a+ O) H
> > employment experience.
2 f* C" g3 e* h6 k> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," y- j  n6 U7 e6 J5 b5 S' F
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; v0 I0 f8 X9 H; k' N2 z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 c9 ~' [8 @4 D7 i2 s2 O
> > directed elsewhere.