HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 F: k# ^2 X2 ^! d; ]* y* Y> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code- |0 h# L  l  ~/ |
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ F, A! h" C. _
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: a- Q7 j- A1 T) e6 n> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- f4 Q  P1 l  t> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
$ `! w; |: G  Q4 A> > need a pay raise.8 @% w& y) o1 Z5 S6 H/ v4 O
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 M+ @5 u# H- M$ K4 t( n> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" [# Z1 C2 G5 Y  J5 Y& Z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 h# q5 K/ H  \+ h# Y
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you  P; n$ `8 ]8 Z8 c6 R4 h
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ }& ]. `2 D& C9 o
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
6 q0 X9 J- F0 _" ]) t) B$ N9 E> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 D4 W1 V" C1 {# H" ?> > proof of sickness.
! Z* o+ Y* N: y4 {) n4 d9 y> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" P- k# G/ U3 u6 d; h7 h- y> > to come to work./ D5 m: r& v# [$ c3 ^) b. R0 W
> >
( v3 V1 o0 k3 \2 H  b. q1 |  l> > Holiday Days
' w6 L5 p! T- p- \8 R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- e! |" M, M1 s+ d9 b> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" s3 f! Q9 |- ?3 i> >
1 H$ y8 B" ?  g" y& ?% v% F& t  K5 j> > Compassionate Leave
0 U" I, F) h% M, _> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) c6 P, J2 b) Z$ _- I( S& f; |4 y3 i% u
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& S- K0 S2 s$ p2 V( D7 I0 ^> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& X! ^2 R/ T: s6 O8 x
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. u1 x. x3 c' _( ^. [% W1 h2 V
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 G) A- G' H1 a; R. G> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* b7 Z, p% v* p> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' T; Q1 y' A9 Z( u6 T> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' r! Z% J9 M2 C+ u/ ]> > hour early.
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. W/ K# u9 |$ c% l8 I> > Toilet Use
  y: y( h4 O* p- I/ E  g/ W* G4 y+ c> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 r$ I8 i; v6 X0 N. O/ `, i
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 }) |9 m1 d) C# b& U1 X. }3 y> > in the cubicles.
# ~$ W. j1 U! R- t0 y6 h> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" Q  E0 V" k. I2 B- E> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  G. V3 u5 {& d$ a, R> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." C1 Y' ~' Z3 I4 K- s, I+ l& p4 C
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& m: k5 u; z+ s9 ^1 P, q: C
> > posted on the company notice board under the0 B- L# J8 i3 D7 I% n8 P
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# H# q3 [# S6 y, E
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' p7 x/ c( i; `8 F/ K0 i> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 l4 T& E+ f  J, k> > policy.
1 u" T/ Y& k' g/ I9 O> >
- f: r4 ^% ?3 I$ C> > Lunch Break( r9 g$ K4 f, n% M  o8 b5 q: N) o
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ E& s! H, C% s) n% ~. j* d> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& ^/ I+ k8 l4 W2 ?> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 h$ b2 q' Q6 Z. r
> > maintain their average figure.
- k& z6 ~% o' n" p4 S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 U5 W7 i+ H! R* i1 ]/ ~" o! v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 j# Z7 F7 X" Y6 V" X/ i
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( g7 s3 }4 c& m( e( ~4 ?" h
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; \2 O- R1 [; z1 K! a+ i
> > employment experience.
$ d" z; m( [  i8 d5 ~> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
; J2 C: a$ w& \! u! T> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; u9 q6 a' T5 [5 Y7 G+ o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
4 V" s6 ~# j: Z$ J> > directed elsewhere.