HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! d' P- s( c8 B. k# |> >                     Effective January 2007- X4 C: _9 H; @1 B
> >
& G7 B/ [# j( I$ |, V> > Dress Code( a+ l. N) F# a9 `
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& L: ]' ^0 ]- z6 y6 F8 ^> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing* s% `" `* y- ^+ ~0 y; q$ u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 M: E+ Y* U/ n; e> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
. h2 z' Z0 e9 z" _2 l1 l> > need a pay raise.' X  I/ y1 Q9 s; ?
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 C4 _4 m  U5 U0 D, R! N$ h5 v) H
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, `% C- G7 Q5 B# ~  L- h( ]0 ]> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.2 Y) Y8 Y  O+ Y/ z" e2 q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
6 h- b9 T" V! w3 s# F  N7 a> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 _8 a/ S2 }4 x( }5 R; X> > raise.
& P) `; s  G* ]- m6 r> >6 t: Z9 q$ G6 `  U3 Y9 ^
> > Sick Days& v& v7 q- e6 j9 ?( n( y
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 @* y2 V, d, I1 I, q1 F& H( a1 D
> > proof of sickness.! [8 S/ Y% a( r3 H: r# E# O
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able  [  M# G$ L. V, F6 V4 t- \* b9 `
> > to come to work.
* G! W1 W# K8 e0 S1 h' [) K! ]/ P# e> >
8 p0 q9 k, w8 g/ s) p' ^/ C+ w> > Holiday Days' o* w$ m6 p4 s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( {  e2 s' F. h% y2 D) a" u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 F7 V8 r9 t* Y4 E- g
> >8 N. \/ B# E7 L2 o7 t/ i5 l
> > Compassionate Leave8 c- c8 t$ S# N2 J* {& w3 N* e
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ B& T" k) T; T/ ?& ~
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( J1 o$ N7 y6 t* {+ w> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. u4 p! ?: O6 c' d2 Y> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 j/ g4 O6 n/ x' `/ I
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
  v! |9 e$ K+ v( V' w4 e& q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 y! q" j" M8 S; @$ M- U) N3 x
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ S: y. S. R+ o; G( I  w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one. f  c# {& e% T0 `
> > hour early.
. ^" W. H* Z) S0 l- _( k> >
' L5 U8 D, ^; @$ a7 J7 ]- e8 H7 C> > Toilet Use
5 g- l# B: x+ \% d* J( p) S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% K& o4 q9 \2 R: w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 O; Y+ V+ ]6 ]0 J' c2 R
> > in the cubicles.
' }) z' k+ p; b> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. I1 `( x! c2 e& F# q/ A/ F+ k
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
0 x" b! {/ Z7 h, ]2 E, L8 g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 g4 ?3 p( t# t> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 w+ `0 Z& P- r: x& l> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 K9 j$ H; W2 H3 |1 W6 y  b$ ]> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 x+ k+ l# X0 U# Q$ w> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% e# s' r/ x( R" a& g2 d+ h2 y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ m; _. i+ _6 l$ p* v" Q" i8 ~> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
- a5 A" u& `/ j  A> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
) P  F( N6 |2 x) ]. j9 `, n4 X8 H> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( N8 a5 g) L5 s> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& \' |" e& z- P# F/ A4 G. x! @
> > maintain their average figure.; v. F$ e( \+ q0 [3 E+ o
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 i% k8 C: N5 o" _4 n  r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 a% D7 `/ V+ y3 M
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 k0 N: ~# W9 A5 g+ P> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: G3 l" b: `) O' _/ ]) W# M+ {1 p( L# m> > employment experience.
7 @! X, E  n! y2 I: R1 X> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% a# w# u! S1 x5 v" n4 b
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' Y3 Y! V9 o1 n, I1 z0 h> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# ?9 d! I  x! B5 y+ I% d3 P> > directed elsewhere.