HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. `/ r2 M* \# Q' ?) [* ^
> >                     Effective January 2007) z; W, o- B9 \, A
> >
$ N# |% t" [( x5 m9 K> > Dress Code# r. G" f; u* L9 c/ {0 [' {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 z4 z/ @$ Q# i  }5 q, A' n- e+ b; a
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ x2 v0 S" {8 \& W/ E, [. x- ~& c> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 b) @5 Z, g' Q( K
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% y, B# K, e3 Q: z: P" b% m2 q; u
> > need a pay raise.
& B5 Y7 }3 r- ?% e7 M* C6 p1 A> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage: L- |5 E0 q' [/ b! I0 v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, u8 y) h$ _) T0 \8 _: @; \
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- S1 E6 c$ n5 E3 Z1 O3 p' e" }8 r
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" d% T' p  q/ U8 m( k
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 D; B# i% G6 E) Q8 U# X& c, \> > raise.2 y! u( y7 G) M' B0 ?) o/ A* u% J
> >6 T" R; e. p. T& R- s& `9 F
> > Sick Days$ D; y1 b+ T  h6 p+ a6 `2 f9 W
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 d- Q' N# `& A> > proof of sickness.
0 v3 Y) A7 d. d& e> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: [% D1 w3 c) R; n
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
6 E, W& r& X$ f4 K& r+ G0 f> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) h  [& Q0 ]9 X9 x0 w> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' z5 e) m+ @, a0 C/ w- p5 n, ^, I
> >
4 T. n# b# a8 h+ J> > Compassionate Leave4 O! s. J7 b" b& I% H1 K9 E
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# v$ Q, A9 x2 ]4 S" D" H
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" i! x9 S+ D* R- d6 f> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-7 ?9 i/ |7 H: O- @. N, {; q+ }0 U
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 Q3 Y( t" G9 P- _/ s( B% P8 C> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' q- y8 D" R( E* b  J% b, A. t
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% J) Q4 C8 g3 ?- @: ]. `1 ?* W> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 b3 F' `: O) w2 L  Q* {> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ C0 V3 V, b/ w; Q0 |5 }
> > hour early.
5 G6 o# _9 Z5 |7 L> >
6 U# z0 w# [7 y> > Toilet Use+ Z: N7 d( |* r7 p" Q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the  d' u* P, N& q6 V
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# z! O" k2 Y% g& Y- r> > in the cubicles.! v0 f1 M. a1 x4 B. \- a
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 b! L4 f# y; v5 J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 L, ?& f& y4 Y( B& e  ~4 [
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; d( H6 A" K7 L/ n5 d> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 s. s- L  l  n% l( E! O2 v# o
> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 K% g7 e4 N9 m  ~1 j* R! `> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ {: `* l# t( W
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ N+ i. A$ X0 n# A( S' L
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. u6 Y! r" b9 Q0 i3 f. t  V> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break3 Z6 L$ |2 E5 V7 p( a1 n  u
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 E0 p3 N1 O- \
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; F# x2 K% x4 e
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 ?; y8 x$ P3 l$ P+ F
> > maintain their average figure.
# s) r/ D, L) o) P/ `( ]6 {. u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 F/ A$ i4 I  U# s8 J9 Q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% e$ m! [2 [* F+ f> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* m) t# A+ L7 f9 e/ G6 n# {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# B* {- Z% ?9 f$ R$ Y
> > employment experience.3 m$ i9 b8 K: S' e
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: }& }* }9 g  L- E& F' B  K* I> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; o; j& G2 `, n% a# q  \  M7 F  ~
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& o% l( E0 ]8 w, `5 l* @3 I4 v> > directed elsewhere.