HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" C1 w# h" v* Y/ i
> >                     Effective January 20077 J7 K5 }3 j& Z( M
> >
* [3 `- y8 ~" v( H* }> > Dress Code
8 l4 g6 |# l$ l. u+ \8 a; t. t1 ]> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. b8 [2 v. ?6 K> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 `$ \4 j" |- W& N8 Z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: l) R# s2 x4 I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 Y% U! {$ k0 r) j. k1 F7 o
> > need a pay raise.
: F# j5 l8 V/ i% S* G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* q, @9 X: C6 M9 T: E$ z5 I. ~> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer; i3 I  w# |5 w; z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 D4 Z  K, \+ p% U) v4 Z( s> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# D, a+ b/ f+ m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 y, A; @7 X! U! ~8 r  Q# n  @7 L* l
> > raise.
( }+ ~+ E$ k! ~> >  t; d% `/ B5 l5 S4 \  {1 ]
> > Sick Days
' d' |2 B, h0 L" Y, `3 O7 w> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: I9 X) t& y! c( h& X7 m  O# m> > proof of sickness." Y- D* N6 O& r$ C# G
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 g( w- ]4 _1 n9 x; ]! W4 u& y> > to come to work.! y! B/ |) D% C) q6 U2 b2 @
> >2 ~7 K1 R2 J, Y5 j9 {
> > Holiday Days0 u: B. {: Q& l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ A/ M. H! _- M1 @! z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
8 Y' c5 J) c8 ]& v8 k' W! `& E: H> >
  m) x" `6 q9 ?/ x# D$ i7 K> > Compassionate Leave; X. c2 N2 v3 _8 f7 c
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ B% `. k) [* J' h* I% Y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ Y& A( |. H" s1 E6 a- A# \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 h* A( _, a7 J2 m0 m7 r
> > employees attend to the arrangements.( y+ ?" ?1 w" V
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 G8 l8 K7 }/ W8 Y/ p4 b$ A0 Y
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' j3 n5 G2 G  `; |> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 S# T. [. P0 W% h$ p, Z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ x! o' c* h, {1 k. b' R> > hour early.
9 I& [4 {" P4 n8 B$ T* j> >3 R$ n0 C" n: `) A8 j- \/ T- z6 ~, W1 U
> > Toilet Use8 c) C$ z" [7 V& t+ _% c
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ W# v8 Y' `% S- j
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! I; Z! t8 P' x# J( @( P8 U4 F> > in the cubicles.
) \! r# O3 P! ]) u# G, ~> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
: D' y3 j0 z1 h. x/ U> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
0 x! w- y( |+ ~- L8 q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, I; U# p8 N' i! [7 b* c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 ?5 N3 z) z, V( [7 j> > posted on the company notice board under the
# [8 s2 v( q- A* x& T3 D> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% I; p3 o; d/ Q9 @  S
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: M0 \% k5 M; Q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, h6 S) ^6 ^% h/ b4 B; v" L4 U
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
/ e7 m% S( R( Z% u( ?" i- Y) @+ C> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# R$ \, ~3 h4 Q& q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
/ G, c- ?% w" f, j5 @' Y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* o8 p  o( `, s5 ]3 ~% b2 B1 |8 s
> > maintain their average figure.  I4 Z' s6 ~. q$ Z9 W) E* N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( [2 A5 u4 U& }/ f: e
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.9 e* w# n. _. S) q3 B
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ g2 x- `8 F! W  o( C8 S# U' a5 s% B> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 _1 }3 K4 {5 v
> > employment experience.
+ m% c0 u, i* U  e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 q9 d" l. z' \( K- j  a  A' `
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  M7 U* X  F- N* G2 T3 k# Q; v2 c
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
3 D; W! }( N5 ]1 w5 K  }9 _. M7 }> > directed elsewhere.