HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:$ u. a" \8 ]; _+ t" R. |6 K
> >                     Effective January 2007$ {8 b0 b2 o  ~
> >
$ Q' z. Y& c% }> > Dress Code+ _+ [, Z) T1 Y2 D$ R
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& K- T  Y% Z+ ^# Y# ~6 Q& \> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  R. N/ g0 T; a9 d9 a3 _
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ Y& H$ k" e  R* v, Y$ J
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 [& z$ v: n+ D> > need a pay raise.
# s# }; c: z* s/ V5 H> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* k: _7 v' c. k+ e# v> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ M. i) e$ r4 b1 [> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ E! I& s+ D6 `: y1 w6 V6 d5 f> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* P9 a1 D3 @. O" Z$ d6 }> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
$ n) X* J) }+ N" Z4 F> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
' t6 l: K' r" {( v; s> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- ]" W* o8 p7 P; W3 Q# n> > proof of sickness.
( V- m: Z$ r) s( H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 v6 x# b3 h% C7 p- Q> > to come to work., p8 E! }! n" i( c& }# ^  ]
> >
) U& S7 x3 d) C9 r) d> > Holiday Days
- s8 e: l, F, u3 F. x' F& E> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
5 V$ Y( N- Z/ ?, y3 e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' \  A9 a0 c, g" E( C; d
> >
. \: T: _3 M( M9 o' K( `9 q> > Compassionate Leave
5 L- s0 Q/ I" Q2 K> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 q1 Z5 D: O* X5 B2 L' [* w> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ f  a/ J6 m8 p/ q$ M$ w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-7 w( w, `+ G7 e- S' E  L
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 O- ]" ~- v4 N" K$ H) t; |1 P> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ b' s& L, |) K  X4 u
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 O" C$ X  b$ }  n, t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' }4 W( A1 W- \& M> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ ^) {. D* C' j4 B9 R  l4 V
> > hour early.$ S9 H9 x6 A1 q6 j# T! V" k5 T
> >
/ g, ~: }: G/ R> > Toilet Use
3 d/ x! R' _  ^% `8 d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- f/ J2 H* H( D- G( j0 r3 c> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! A6 z. o+ D6 L; j. |5 {3 K
> > in the cubicles.
" ~8 }! e; c7 t6 Z$ Y% b) w> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; {* V3 X! v6 ]> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ s7 l7 i1 {$ l' ~3 G) j5 I. E( _& u> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, N: N( k4 \# E+ a8 G! n2 Z% ?> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; v7 b! R2 E" t. j7 o# x  c
> > posted on the company notice board under the) [( U# V+ R; d3 \3 ~/ N
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# t; A1 v* v/ U. K: X+ S4 }# N> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, _! j7 q+ q3 u; }8 C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 W8 h2 f; N/ ?$ E' z
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break5 V9 S5 s9 W# F4 n' x7 c0 C
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 f& d0 ^5 Q. y; Z! Q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 u8 ~& K3 f5 n1 y) l" ?> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 B3 K" F+ t$ ~* @
> > maintain their average figure.2 A" p; g6 ]6 n# v. G2 k0 q3 }0 W0 H( d
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# v( T+ d0 w6 p  q& e- r4 }> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.# x$ y, @  u7 ]9 _5 J1 F) Z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
* d3 K% ~* c' F2 z1 k5 f, {" _' {> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ s& ~! w- h- O2 U% T1 J2 I5 O5 w
> > employment experience.2 Y2 E8 T- ]& e" t& e- ?! s
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,; L# s4 Z  f) T/ h6 N7 m" U: h
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, t% i- A4 {- X2 Q; N> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; D- l4 T# t9 t, N8 s# T
> > directed elsewhere.