HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:1 |: c9 Z3 z3 E0 k
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code/ N& M! ~, I9 D& T8 b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- F2 ^9 [, @! L/ m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' o# R$ e2 z5 _' |7 ]# [/ Z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' x" d" v+ ^7 h> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 ~9 P) M- _# z0 ?! X, v2 q% d: a> > need a pay raise.
6 C: i% d8 f! `$ z7 j4 M: m4 O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' Y# ~, R/ u7 `8 b1 \* R
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, k3 u+ P# \. ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( O& ~% v7 v; p) k6 k' D3 O* u5 `> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 |5 e9 b- g2 Y1 g. ?: N3 J3 v# R( f7 L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 Y  Z& \3 B" K! s4 n$ L
> > raise.6 J5 C2 H) o3 ]$ o) a
> >$ l9 e# u3 m% }6 G+ A8 g: c
> > Sick Days
( x$ }; A; r! Y% P# Z* e8 i+ N> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  ]# _+ ^& ^8 W6 c1 t6 I9 Q
> > proof of sickness.3 W3 g- g# D# d% y3 g; n/ r+ z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" ~- N7 K' z! g& S2 o8 M( s/ P' r  U3 `> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
: o" o( [6 \; l  H+ s> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 f8 I& |, B2 U> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave  _* z8 A% Q) l7 H1 A
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing  m. ^; Q% @' u- |# v; i
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. ^7 ?/ l. V5 G/ q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 @3 d) s' @" z4 T
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; G  O! q! {9 c# D4 O6 a* R: f
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; b7 ~! Z8 o+ M+ @
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 g# n* H  j: Q  D6 b9 G* a
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
- o5 I" m# A8 J* H* A> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 Y- A* `: P" I2 ~9 m5 ^2 `! c> > hour early.
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: ?4 _: \' G8 y- [8 C: o2 |! x> > Toilet Use
. r% \: c, S5 m7 u" T4 @9 L) X> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ f* g) p8 o! H, f: B
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 `& Z% n2 m' R> > in the cubicles.
: |1 [$ @8 R7 \> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will8 R  n0 F* c3 f( S5 u
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ t" ~; C& r0 e; y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: p6 V6 ?6 W/ A> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 u8 P! F; q9 [> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 Y# l9 F$ G  G/ I  c6 [- S/ |0 P> > "Chronic Offenders" category." c6 O: W& _  {& \* O! P
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 P5 ?- J+ `% ~8 E3 O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 j4 K' r- e8 L- x> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break1 ?& I* Z" t% i+ J  C% Q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
' H, s+ u8 l. Q> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( g& L, M8 s! G% Z- R+ H0 Y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ n8 v6 ~) A- _' l> > maintain their average figure.
! O' D) v8 z+ W( _& S  B, c0 w+ ~2 {1 j> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
. S- M& ~) s3 [: i# e> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) u  E# K  [2 d4 q6 m5 d0 |
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 }. w% D/ E/ v2 |3 ?/ R
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
1 Q7 M+ f; V3 ?1 M0 \6 h# I> > employment experience.
+ h+ A* D9 L' x- L0 ^> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& r  y- @( {% u2 S
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  E: U/ `8 A& E> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be& Q; d- o$ ]) Y( D7 t
> > directed elsewhere.