HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ K$ f9 h2 n; ~3 }: u! a* M> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code* Z& B" Q1 o7 N/ b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# _- _, H5 {: a) \3 M0 S3 n$ s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( X0 J) m  Y1 A: U; U' }; D> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 k5 I/ e4 M; M6 p4 e> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 O4 [( S# `% t& I' |> > need a pay raise.
4 L3 h% f" {7 e( S' Y( [6 i> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" }% o" n3 g. P, d" u' V  y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 e9 d! a+ e6 r. U* `" T5 X( y, |
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 }$ u- }. `; A4 s9 l9 d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( t) d6 B" Z! O+ y: w0 \& p0 P
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# c3 {, T8 Q% T0 p# K> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
3 P7 ^- ?1 q7 k6 l* s! K$ y> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) F7 r8 d+ G, g) ]" V- y> > proof of sickness.
- o9 N2 F1 g" I6 k. _: U5 ^" [> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 M2 l( @- J2 k9 j' X5 i0 h
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
; N5 k5 ?9 _. F; s> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 S) ]/ Q) j+ `; C
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 y+ t* A& ~1 @; U9 G/ ~* _" l
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> > Compassionate Leave
/ x' c! x0 w* v: \2 w4 i* [6 a> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing  [3 q% D/ a2 q9 p1 Y2 ?; ?& D
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 V. R5 @& u; O& c/ \4 i* n" [' n/ H; ?
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! d8 u9 _5 X( h; H( q  ?% G- p: {1 J> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ l" t# D( c8 x  ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 [9 h! R, B  V* v" h1 |
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' F+ P9 \) M$ v# L1 E! C: K; B  b. f# M
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, q. P: S5 `" b) b# u
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; T) h' G7 X* c$ L2 E
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
# |1 R1 C# A* F1 ?: p) Z2 M> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
( l# L+ i5 F2 o9 N. S( c> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& V6 A8 g7 X- k$ Z3 Z- H$ B
> > in the cubicles.
( P8 \9 ?2 x+ V& G- C$ r( `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* z$ `& z- d0 D
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( v; H$ J1 N7 T9 q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." x$ J; d4 @* I+ q8 T+ r/ _+ R
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- T0 H5 m: s- [0 \) G> > posted on the company notice board under the
3 [9 c4 w* z  F2 ~% t> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
7 R8 `) ?7 z" f# P5 {! d) @> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; V, e# ^! s9 G6 `9 p: B6 @
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ E8 |) [  @3 p( b> > policy.4 N" t$ @' }' i: N4 ^+ e- V
> >
  P" Z: m! |6 Z( [, u* \> > Lunch Break
' u4 n' h) c8 t# w: q4 K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they  z5 Q$ b  k; Y, G
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ q% A% R, s2 C' e2 p& }+ t5 Y
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 x4 \: ^0 s. [! |9 @# V> > maintain their average figure.
& a) r5 f, J" j> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 J- ^6 F" e4 W! t+ T/ Q/ v% M, @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 w6 r9 S  i6 d6 k% p! h1 F5 Y
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
$ L- w4 G% t5 i2 a> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ f& o) m# J1 @7 T8 S; |2 P- {> > employment experience.8 b2 j$ \7 u: g3 O) l* \7 F
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! p3 G: T; K& P% t. g$ C
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,+ Y7 b' d8 j7 [5 r5 K% [
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 @+ O6 {8 Q; N! s: h1 x9 M
> > directed elsewhere.