HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 l8 G' j: a/ a# o> >                     Effective January 2007* |2 I# w7 L; k; {# I
> >
' p$ j6 F* G- Y: ~  n  }" R> > Dress Code
3 E3 g0 y" }  |( A% O> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ i) a7 g5 C# f1 f8 [/ H: r4 R> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 j. L, U0 D3 K3 s. U/ B8 M
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) }8 p; B. @8 Y& E* V& b
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
3 D" w/ j5 }4 u& k> > need a pay raise.
7 C0 B4 W( R1 E& y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 @& g7 K2 G4 x: c) O- n" Q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
2 M1 c+ y2 M5 \  t0 O& r* @> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 o; [5 k  Z; r0 Z: x$ R7 J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
4 Z7 Z) A" n* J$ Q! N> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 N3 @  ]& Y, T
> > raise.5 {8 Y' [, h* h4 R0 Q2 i
> >: R- C% e; J+ o3 w& k5 X
> > Sick Days  K, G( M; o5 [8 z) u% A: [
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! R+ J( J0 _" p% A> > proof of sickness.: `2 N$ D) ~; ]  @  ?* L+ N. \
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ b3 S, z" B! ~* R8 \6 p# {
> > to come to work.; F4 [6 _% X8 q; k7 H6 j4 C
> >! X5 k' s! Y4 C7 Y4 a: u) b  ?
> > Holiday Days
6 H5 j6 d! o$ ~8 ]! O) X9 s  V8 s1 E* X> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 C7 a: w" ^' B. L5 l
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.  k+ ^6 d9 e% `' m3 F3 _9 y+ w
> >- B) X% G9 o) g8 v$ M
> > Compassionate Leave  I' W- r# P, m, s% {
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. e# t1 a/ L( `> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 }+ k& k0 _8 o7 @) k4 _3 u> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. l  c5 M, C' f) D& q! f
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( i8 ?5 h5 y1 U9 m! ^# O> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
$ [* S; u4 W/ [4 i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: Z$ `: `  U- ]- W. g% p> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ N. S+ |) i4 B" l* R1 a& P* E0 ~2 H> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
& b- R) `4 u3 [. c' [( }> > hour early.4 `% b) n0 Q/ T2 U
> >
2 ~5 A; s2 ~- E  [. C> > Toilet Use$ X! }- @# L7 Q( c7 d$ l
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( H' {8 E4 W, t- x2 J
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 ~9 z6 d3 m* E& t4 [+ i3 @
> > in the cubicles.
4 `/ C1 T6 i% v: ~: r( K. r> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
3 ?0 n6 V9 B* t5 p8 h: z> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) ^5 h9 z' {5 u  s
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 k% v& p  @! T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ f  `  P4 s: W$ g9 _5 d1 `4 r0 l> > posted on the company notice board under the8 K/ G5 G  H" l/ B& D  ^
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ \0 ^( k' v6 h+ `# C, j> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. ?$ f3 D. R% [# i4 r8 t! n> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 [! C2 M5 y: E: |9 v# b# n& {+ a' d
> > policy., @" {4 }' Z# Z5 I5 y% B
> >0 @; ]: |+ `. B( C! h& |
> > Lunch Break
4 {* R5 a; n/ W: t% d> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they; k# v$ o% s' R8 a8 m+ W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; a# p3 W; D9 s( C# J5 _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
7 C* e0 I+ F$ V$ i+ C( Q> > maintain their average figure.% f3 l( @# Z; M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time  d2 _: f) \% n  D* d' X! t
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* w! S% l& @) M; F$ Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: d* b% _1 `+ t4 Q, \% l
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- ]& I) I  K0 Z) {$ `; v& ?3 C0 k
> > employment experience.9 ^, ]" u$ A! y/ p6 Q8 _: |
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ K3 W) e& u! g  Q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 R7 a+ s; a; S
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
3 L& N0 T0 ~$ ^+ d% f" s& O) a> > directed elsewhere.