HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
4 h. R' Q7 X- `/ h! n> >                     Effective January 2007$ B, m+ L2 V0 y$ G2 ^8 V9 q8 V
> >
! |) k2 T/ g1 P- D3 K> > Dress Code
7 b' U' R8 H4 }> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 X+ R! v1 W, V4 N% Z: S: T> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' I; p; O: T( ^6 }
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' w+ f3 e& n6 ]! m/ F$ e8 t
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  L2 b% M! A* F- ]# Y$ V, K
> > need a pay raise.3 r" T2 c" I+ l$ _2 y  B
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage  U# @1 ]' B& O! H8 [2 E9 H
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& y* M4 y0 p& d6 b% y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: v# l5 o/ N8 R3 q% A
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 B2 o8 V7 ~8 ]6 l1 x, ?% D( I. @> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 j+ {2 @: D) w5 H' F7 ~> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
$ X1 P; N# j9 D> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' w7 i5 q" h" l# F3 }: n
> > proof of sickness.
$ \5 z$ d* B! P& |. Q/ ]" v> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; F( G1 B$ t: i; J3 Q  E3 M> > to come to work.
; E. j6 [" i! z> >
; z2 u# l3 `# V> > Holiday Days- n) U" }: T2 Z
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! q) G% o9 x# s/ J. E8 g) d8 N5 T
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
$ w( q! y! p* M* L3 i> >6 F6 w+ V* q7 `, v" n% m5 r; r
> > Compassionate Leave& \6 [+ }( g% Z3 ?
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* z: T4 e, _; [9 n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& A  N' O- v4 C: T, b; _; L
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-+ A# W" n) P+ f! {
> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 w6 L2 S# r6 e( }9 O- [
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* [( u! R- ]1 N4 x# b0 ]2 H. j
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" A0 R! ?- W% c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
5 j* ~6 m* u' o) l> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 Q% R1 z- x8 t9 b$ s2 F
> > hour early., A5 I: Q* k. Z/ R$ a% K* k
> >* n3 P; D0 d: E' H
> > Toilet Use
, [4 X& t8 I3 P> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the' \# f; t9 o9 {; z4 _( k. [
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 C+ v) `( K; S; O5 t8 s! h1 D
> > in the cubicles.; L/ B8 I" b5 X5 m% {
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, m# e1 ]& c6 E8 }1 I' ?' Z> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% L! J7 q4 p, v
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' r! V% [' Z- W( A, w. G9 y: f
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 \1 f7 a. z  t- y8 w
> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 M8 ?: q& `, B0 P7 S& \7 O8 a> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 v2 j" u0 G! m% C# M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; @- Q- y+ s/ x. \; V' u> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
, Y8 A' q" S# E' J' i> > policy.) }, O5 C% L. ~  e1 ~& f( ^
> >% B, t1 a7 K: ?+ Z: z" _5 u
> > Lunch Break
6 C) x+ r8 @6 Q- u> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they  E' w  A5 a& L9 Z1 h5 c1 M; w
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ G7 Z- d, T: G2 Y/ c) X6 \
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ j0 k3 R: x! l% N% K* t( ?; H> > maintain their average figure.
9 x7 z  |* T) [8 e& z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& ?, r9 w+ p( c> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; ~* n2 f# L& N4 A+ S# P> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
* V: J- ^9 `2 \- I0 F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* G& M# d% T6 j/ z4 n( P& i- k/ _# e' T1 G
> > employment experience.
; Q3 k3 g! `: j4 p4 b> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ d. \1 G# W- d. {. e5 R" W9 m> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' U# V. }$ k9 s
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& o; D& \% q( B8 }9 d1 A' P> > directed elsewhere.