HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:# }9 B2 L( j) a9 N" g1 J
> >                     Effective January 2007- T$ q8 n) e" C" h! [9 E
> >
9 W. b6 Y- g  x, C> > Dress Code4 c+ y4 P; n) R. M$ P$ \
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 W6 P% r" V% I6 j) I> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: T- Q4 m. N- h& H5 o/ Q" q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume6 H8 ~& E+ t% V" \
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% K: K0 p7 z' ~& B> > need a pay raise.
/ }& a) G( m. l6 S> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ s2 }( ^' H, {: _> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 T9 d5 e$ I) L) \8 D6 r- t0 v" M
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 a) V, {3 n0 B: F5 [: Z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- [+ d6 I4 @0 V> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 p) [! w4 Q0 l$ V& e> > raise.- Y3 s5 ^' E  \, f" Q
> >
6 u/ h9 C* w( _( L: P$ a> > Sick Days* T3 @1 Q; n9 F; n* @
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ \  x# v$ Q* W& J+ O) n> > proof of sickness.: b. \' i! E" g5 f
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ N4 q# j& R3 n> > to come to work.
% u9 @; U  z4 T3 b> >
* {8 ^6 V0 B2 `$ }% ?# N7 _> > Holiday Days; X; U  W4 v0 e% H( h
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# ?- z% v+ m. H" e: o8 X0 j# C9 E4 X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
2 h* X2 O# |3 j+ I9 ^3 x2 e3 \> >
- s: T8 O# \0 o+ Z2 V8 C> > Compassionate Leave8 t- U- Q2 Y- N2 u. T8 s
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing6 ^- n1 g2 G! g3 t" t% A
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 H" p3 e0 U0 \' K7 w- j/ ~( b6 [
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 k0 K/ r) j& w2 P- k7 b> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ P' w$ F  ^8 e+ e
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, h! Q6 b1 v! N( l( l> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ o. ?; w8 a) N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
/ w) n% z1 X- \0 |9 J/ k( U> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( g( o+ [0 v% b> > hour early.
0 P6 w5 e# D2 {8 n> >
( ]- D) t3 o' H- M, o+ {> > Toilet Use$ G  f  D$ e" P
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) \5 y$ J8 d, p) Q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
% P1 Q! I" Z9 V" c> > in the cubicles.
6 a/ v2 G: u5 `9 {1 y  {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 m: c1 M8 |) Y- {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 b. M! V5 p' [5 K" {$ d& G
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% F" s3 C* B+ W' Z' f> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 R0 M( T- V# Y* z2 V# _9 s6 Z6 B> > posted on the company notice board under the) R2 D( k; m# m  H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 n* ]4 f! q2 M/ ^+ O- n! a> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 f, u6 M8 `; Y) t. I* T8 y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. n7 s+ b$ v, t> > policy.
& G. A$ _) ]  S4 r, w9 y" [> >: [3 E/ L) M# p* d+ w: n
> > Lunch Break
( f4 i. c% y0 a# v9 z, Q* ^5 l> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ k( F& T7 k* w+ N> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( ^% t$ Z7 X% q8 ~) ]9 d) w+ j
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 |* D+ ~3 ?# q
> > maintain their average figure.# E9 j- j+ e1 M0 ?% U
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( e+ K4 z3 r2 ]7 d! o> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 D% O5 B) T; |' C> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ L1 a: J: ~2 L> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# b+ e5 b' E" ?0 b' a. |+ G
> > employment experience.8 ?" Z: P' S4 [. O  n
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 |3 S/ Q( M2 ]& R
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; ?( r" e% k* m$ Y4 l> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. t, t( ^2 B! D' ^: k+ [> > directed elsewhere.