HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
  g7 B( H$ W  r7 N> >                     Effective January 2007
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6 v2 V: d& F  z" b6 g" K; N1 p> > Dress Code
% U/ [6 M+ R! n> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# T! w8 U) S0 V  ?( n3 H! O9 L3 K4 }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 y# d$ {* M+ X9 m( r* w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: O. T/ J! u0 ]( n& B( E> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% y4 e: _, _% A) D> > need a pay raise.4 P. b; N0 t% |; j$ y- K' J+ F6 e: P" n
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* |9 @* I" Z4 M( z9 G1 y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) I0 h8 S% Z6 [& W" \
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" y3 x7 W: T2 N1 v1 r7 ?' T- y! O> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 D6 P" ^) ~3 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  s' U8 P' k$ @8 g, A
> > raise.3 h! {6 K9 Z# q$ {# \: L3 y5 x
> >
( L7 L8 {  l3 Y> > Sick Days4 y+ K6 O0 t7 J" A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ c. ^, @- F6 D+ [> > proof of sickness.
2 M! D5 N) m. G7 k! Z4 a# Y+ u! \5 N> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 c# x6 x: ~& M( \" ^4 s6 L> > to come to work.
( R2 g1 F! a- q* l& i- R% g> >
7 |7 M* Q, ^- y' n) e, C> > Holiday Days
! ?9 S: `+ U4 i& W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
! N9 d9 I) y% Z/ N, i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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$ R4 v0 w9 v3 `$ x+ {2 H> > Compassionate Leave
3 \, k& B. T" T. E! {9 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" C3 Z  Q+ M& M+ V) g/ A9 y) j) ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" i( w7 |% ?) z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' Y+ x2 V+ Z9 ]5 Q" s7 p, t> > employees attend to the arrangements.# y" F% s2 C1 G/ R+ U
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 t9 X  B5 x4 Z6 [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
3 Z$ g7 k- F+ A0 l> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
7 B7 C. I. e6 n: H! T8 L> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 ]0 N8 K$ j( p7 [: h8 _) G> > hour early.1 j2 L8 B0 G$ P0 T2 o
> >
: i. @- T2 Y5 t1 p; s) z( D( R> > Toilet Use
5 p8 h: T7 ?8 A. S$ ~. f> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* a. g% n! _/ N6 k, G' Y! J9 Q$ I
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' s" r/ p" R5 o, E. C( r6 P' z> > in the cubicles.
4 k5 p9 V% g" O* ^> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! c8 f* c5 p. [2 H1 @5 b* N
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 I; L& \5 v' o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" J* H, _' f. j( j: w. ]> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* T$ I/ }4 n( y- i2 b> > posted on the company notice board under the/ P+ ?4 }( N3 T
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
8 |0 M) N/ R* w& [6 v% O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 r4 f7 V4 p+ i- B3 @( V2 @4 e> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. f8 ^: n/ @, O' F
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break, C( @: o; z. n$ f, L6 T- M
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 s% G! E. N+ q/ Z0 i
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ d5 b: Z1 i4 ^0 f: H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* a& p! y. K+ n0 X> > maintain their average figure.' a) g7 e6 h, i: M4 x
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( s6 C+ k) Y# U) V> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
5 p, `0 B2 ^* m% M! w7 M> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% s" o2 W' K) G6 V: K' G
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' I5 a6 B" K3 R1 I2 j' F0 k7 U> > employment experience.; ~* F* q0 M* o7 n
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 S3 L2 f; v/ G- q) X+ ^7 ?> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; `* N2 M9 I5 i$ f' a4 O/ z: k> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
  p4 Z  [  z# M8 S" f1 V( v) v> > directed elsewhere.