HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 P  V% ^6 M! i4 q
> >                     Effective January 2007: w; X7 \1 ^9 ]) G5 p4 A* L, _( J
> >
/ C! r- l$ X$ m! Y( S> > Dress Code. q' H& r' w- O5 m4 h/ R
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# {8 J3 t& j7 s* U6 ~; N) @
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ Y& ]) w1 Q9 D# `/ ^1 t% x  r
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' l9 N: q# h6 i$ X0 ?
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 O1 S+ O- _3 P6 S+ C> > need a pay raise./ p) K" m- n2 i6 w4 s( Y: }$ E1 I
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' g# |, t# v, h) E' U1 f> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
- Y1 Q; e, }7 u> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) {8 }9 O3 w% n7 F> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% O  B  E6 N2 ]+ `( [6 D& ?# h
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 j- c0 ]' ]1 q7 ]( q$ I> > raise.8 q4 E- O5 G+ D# b  ~1 a% |
> >
1 \* O& W" w1 F  e9 f- ^  _% F2 J" p> > Sick Days
1 n7 P7 w3 R. h6 W4 P> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( Y8 m7 F% Y3 d5 Q, b% _8 Y7 f
> > proof of sickness.
9 i9 m6 I4 Y; Y& p' `" x> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
. Q! P0 P5 h: b/ I% u> > to come to work.
) m# z4 }. X+ z! {, }; x/ |> >
: H, h% U; F" ~# A$ `> > Holiday Days) |1 H1 c/ j) x+ \
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a; W+ O8 C  b8 L  C( E
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
' A/ N; }$ {, }4 W! Z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 D9 \& _" ]- c* q9 o; z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. j, J+ [& \, P, q* p) o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 }. j1 J+ C  G6 G) E2 d8 y
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
/ v$ O: r- b5 s, \. w$ y' ?  v> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% Z) L2 f& h* p) V> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
4 u! W; S( u; K4 v: k6 H+ k> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 A, R. R2 V0 D3 ~* B# F' x
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 f( O5 q3 `& e- O7 p
> > hour early.
4 G6 O# T  e4 a! e> >( |/ ]) }& T3 W, x+ Z: w
> > Toilet Use8 C; x3 y0 x; Y/ i7 v: x& \
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: U, S2 H0 j1 {7 V7 S
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, |' \, m) Y; V' U. E+ t> > in the cubicles.
1 K8 V# `0 {% l2 Z0 d. D> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 H% ]2 f4 Y1 W9 ]$ y# w
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 D3 t* V2 |' w8 k* X
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' T3 n8 B" ]+ s, b. C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
1 o7 U4 t1 c) R# ?> > posted on the company notice board under the
% p3 _6 k8 s; h9 J- z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 ?# E# @' y! p- G
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% s3 e7 T0 f5 R( c8 H4 V3 }> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: p! c* [+ z& \. e) S" |5 ?5 W; m. t
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
0 t. ]0 A7 B: a! C( P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, v. h# K3 i' t$ q, v( W> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 G5 o% R. V: t) c% j, I+ ~
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 E3 q4 ?9 z, h
> > maintain their average figure.( L* p. V& A* l( |$ i
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, I/ Y# w8 n; r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- a" t  B* M* C9 _$ I* e/ h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 S. L% |( i/ J# S> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% X* R1 v5 t: ]8 [' ~> > employment experience.
. w; i8 A/ V! U> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, s; g# ]3 u7 q+ n5 ~> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
6 ?9 H' Q) e' C> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 A) s/ y( y' a! t- ]; X> > directed elsewhere.