HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
( F7 A; @( }, b6 |8 T. q4 H/ V> >                     Effective January 2007# Y, a# |9 r" }0 A% D
> >
% L: Z7 m$ |  d2 J" f  [> > Dress Code. S* T1 U4 n; A; `6 m& b4 v
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; z- R+ b2 q1 p# ?- t! j! w& W
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& \3 ~% P8 L' v8 E9 V
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' D/ I( q( H. z' Y+ X0 y
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 y/ g# d. R/ V1 V% H
> > need a pay raise.; b! y6 ~* K8 L1 U% m
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 E( [0 k4 D2 l8 |
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ v# c4 P- J' u0 W) J5 [> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 B6 I& ^' d1 K0 s( W' b
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# u  H1 M8 @, ?7 Q3 I1 G# J& I. Y' Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; V/ X3 g" F; s> > raise.& `: h! o% e3 W6 T4 C% Q
> >4 Z& b' {5 V" [! I
> > Sick Days
! A$ w7 D9 }! Y' [> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 U% D5 D& }* u. `
> > proof of sickness.- f0 g  k3 ?4 W, Q: C* j& ]
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# s3 ]- \7 T7 V> > to come to work.
4 w) R6 E! y: v* K, X* z3 r> >
: ~* c( v, c. c0 n: r% @> > Holiday Days" P  N. V; ^; f9 P$ h
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- `1 ?* O' {- z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; T# n* P% ]( R6 y# n. ^  f
> >
& p8 j* G6 Z# C2 E> > Compassionate Leave( d1 T( E/ s% s, \- T
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* E" L1 q) ]# ~0 H
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 o7 c3 m4 L( r! T1 V5 o( Y, w; p> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 Z6 l6 w% e# b( ], ~2 j6 i* b! \
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 P1 t5 v; x' a' M* j> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 G+ O7 \2 f+ `( n/ Z2 M
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. J9 i! M! _2 z) Q% k! |
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; r$ B7 P& I; \3 N> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one4 r4 T; S' Y2 t# v" E+ b7 K8 {% f" |
> > hour early.8 B& {3 \4 U' D- D! v9 c' a
> >
+ g+ Y% `! \/ b7 X0 D  k/ b/ C> > Toilet Use: r3 H: ^" T6 p1 `
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; m6 f4 k9 b1 x& ~) h+ M! T" I. y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; {3 D. g/ r! S$ u3 k3 o6 o> > in the cubicles.& @$ }' U8 C1 B" I& _
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) Z9 e4 V- C( n: b8 P
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ G# q" ?8 g( g, C) g
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! i! @7 T9 U# C8 E( s
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 w9 z& V4 q; |2 q* F8 P) ]> > posted on the company notice board under the
, g- q4 p2 D1 p/ d9 d9 f$ ?; M* `> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ \# _( G$ p4 {; v> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% I2 v, Z# I+ q. P9 X- }# H. U/ j> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. B9 U0 U# {6 L5 V6 i9 }> > policy.( s' }2 |' g+ D- `5 Y
> >8 b1 Q$ j2 f. }. \' E; b
> > Lunch Break8 a7 M0 J8 m! t( _6 Q) [8 h  E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  b  z/ M" q2 P+ \; x' R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
$ Y" s+ n3 H( l* V- m> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" p$ D) I& ^! }. f. g0 s3 }' _
> > maintain their average figure.
. e  f& e% F% ?5 k* d: v; h$ P> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' ?! j, ], G1 v) B> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 T3 _* O, o% w* G' d& R> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% I! n% J6 t' |
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 l4 P1 o. n% S+ ^$ d9 ~, U
> > employment experience.) }9 E. ^: _; S
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 O/ j5 L# I% k3 d# G3 f0 P: N6 g
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 m) \# E$ ?* M& H) C# L/ P& V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ k8 t! b: M+ r' q5 a, j> > directed elsewhere.