HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
/ A) f) f; U' g: |% `> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
: H( ^+ O5 A* v( X> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) j; T0 r2 X2 c8 m  u. q/ s( d: L> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" X9 N$ Z$ ^4 w; A) K3 q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 R; W1 `/ O& a( b5 `& b* D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 d+ s5 n) r. U/ N9 v
> > need a pay raise.( c  c/ ^& c+ G6 N1 f3 k. A
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
- f- ?0 q5 P" k/ B4 F% ~; L> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
- m) _2 k6 ~4 D# k2 z7 H$ I$ e4 `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- K* F- d! ?8 }/ o/ }) E> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! k$ O6 V0 W" ^; e
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 m% ~" r2 k' @* {
> > raise.  v4 `- a* y* U2 W0 ?6 m
> >3 V+ |6 Q# |; {) `
> > Sick Days6 i* L) o3 _* q% }7 ^
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
& c" ^7 |6 s- N  P  Z% }$ X, y> > proof of sickness.4 y' c+ g9 k. A4 w- J& Q% R7 o  y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ E2 S7 G: Q7 z; T; P6 C> > to come to work.: }5 U. C5 h6 h- o' k
> >
1 I+ M& R4 ^8 j, l1 L. E> > Holiday Days
+ u1 P; _- L# _& N> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 _2 X2 Y) i0 V+ ?0 u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& q+ g6 c& }" x1 b# V
> >- R( `9 t% p  [! ]" N# g5 W3 @
> > Compassionate Leave0 R0 e! x+ `4 X, @- f
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- d! h! \- M' @5 {; U# c' D2 {> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" u+ ?( G0 F6 c7 g* R6 J# [7 _
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-2 {! n1 Z- _3 e/ P& w
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ a; r2 b' ^1 Q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- V# Q) v7 ~3 m0 |; }/ y/ q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
9 |4 ]6 \! ?4 L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& F- z+ q4 {/ r  m> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one/ ]/ G$ n, a+ \& X( b) b5 \6 I
> > hour early.4 y4 v0 i* B: e5 Y
> >
! X) h, K5 f8 g3 k' y; @# q> > Toilet Use4 [5 @% j3 ^' f& ?$ D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, t3 `7 e  o& E: `) c+ k' e- \
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  s) F- X: s0 L2 K# l
> > in the cubicles.9 A9 V& q0 m! w# y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( K" D" K- S6 N> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. p: g$ E7 y3 G5 I! o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
4 W% P' j$ i4 l" J$ O* h> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# U! c1 E% u8 X- |5 c1 t2 G
> > posted on the company notice board under the: w7 D0 A6 ]3 N3 q! M7 l
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- p* u0 Q2 @; x3 }) G6 E
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 f+ y$ N. @' i. F# w" j
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ c- x* V2 D! J: L9 b3 ^, B  z
> > policy.4 `/ i- A$ k/ k% x4 A5 H5 L
> >( U& L, Q4 m5 L& r2 y. P2 i  [
> > Lunch Break
0 l/ p7 X9 B, I, d+ C; s, |) J! X. g> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ Q2 |& y' S$ ?7 C
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." p$ Z1 s* V! L' t- P
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 D/ S( |# {7 V6 Q+ u
> > maintain their average figure.. f. S3 Q; A) h- M1 u
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* ~8 }$ _3 C! n5 f> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. C+ A* G5 z7 o3 j2 j& a" y9 ~> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 H/ j& r8 R; Y: R4 d/ u> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, K& [3 c! B. E+ x6 f% I5 C
> > employment experience.$ u! Z9 j* l  C- S
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# q' N( u/ W* v  n7 G( ?> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 p: B7 J, ?( g
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& S# k& n- m8 T$ z8 z( C> > directed elsewhere.