HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
5 {5 F# O+ i$ \! k9 d' j$ h- _> >                     Effective January 2007, ?. q( U& A! I* V$ S" d
> >2 F: W4 U: {% w/ Y% Z
> > Dress Code7 \! }, A; B" ~# Z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% A9 F3 ~2 @( o7 H' Q# e
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% c3 x6 V; S* a3 O2 s+ Z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# {, c  \, j! @
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 e3 W2 t* z; J- O
> > need a pay raise.
* {+ X1 u& `  e  K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
8 E5 D) x9 s- g8 f/ g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& y- F) J0 @1 J1 P> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 J- S! h7 J" T& Q* C3 R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 f. H" e+ e! J. n# m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 B6 t& _0 s4 b2 }; {% \
> > raise.
- ^3 a' y1 \! I  \> >
) |$ V9 ~% `1 L, R> > Sick Days3 W& d2 G7 A  ~  }5 c3 T
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: S! y- G% l) c. x) @2 m" c> > proof of sickness.. `4 m$ `  R& ], u: j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
' m4 |0 j2 Z  P8 E> > to come to work.
$ _. n" w6 ~2 L% |3 m9 @> >( L1 [+ L% j: @' T. F
> > Holiday Days
! M1 I5 U+ r- Y2 m  c$ ?> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) u. ~* G% \  N( j
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ e  R9 D7 r1 H> >4 |# y, R1 ?" S- A
> > Compassionate Leave
' M, \5 n) S! N3 R* P> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 n; O" D$ `+ `; h/ R+ n> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 K* n) @* O- ~5 X" G
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" y% N6 r$ P9 Z4 s" T- \> > employees attend to the arrangements.& q; ?* \% i) s. Q5 N* z9 B0 k5 V
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 B, O5 A! e1 O( Y/ _9 |% e> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
4 A* P; \% {9 i6 _/ h0 k8 b- S> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* s( s- C. g" _+ y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 k5 t5 }4 |; u9 k4 e3 Y6 V
> > hour early.
9 r5 y6 w: g' f% B0 A> >: n* Z" w3 j3 f* p
> > Toilet Use; d" `& D7 j' d: Y) O! F9 A
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; h: Z' l& m6 f, [% ^! P; o4 t
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 U. G! s' q/ u4 z  B  \
> > in the cubicles.9 ^- x; ?& d5 _3 A% O
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 d7 Q4 ?7 o  y+ d> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* T* _8 g: E$ X8 Z* _4 n> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; f  o" r8 O5 a1 w' H  z1 B7 x) v
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 P* L: N4 d" D% o0 z, o: m
> > posted on the company notice board under the
& }. Y$ B, V& i* O3 [! ?) i! R7 y> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ U& V) j8 n* M+ ]) Z8 K
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 ?# y+ @* e/ }; ]+ [- W> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( A) {: M7 u* o$ s& ]
> > policy.5 C/ c1 W* w8 Q+ J
> >
# L: u  R4 g3 M$ M0 S> > Lunch Break" V% c3 e1 V: w* O# M
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* W9 @2 h  U3 k" m' d# P
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
/ U0 K1 e- H0 z$ E5 w( G) K> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
9 O7 `7 J3 t1 R, G1 L> > maintain their average figure." p; T2 y; R8 x
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 D; J8 S) ]. a: O+ U2 J> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) I0 v2 A1 o* }> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 Q+ d# I% h7 m: z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& {# P5 z0 a/ e2 n3 P" W# e' z4 u/ p> > employment experience.
$ k" D1 [6 y& v) ?6 o> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 ^) |7 X7 L! k8 I! _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# E& u! Z4 c1 T# c/ o2 X
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! [; J" ~8 r- G, }* v> > directed elsewhere.