HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 `8 s7 w% n4 Q1 a* g7 i> >                     Effective January 2007, Q9 {' A4 o& d9 A+ U# W) p& ]
> >. i: z3 N- `' j! \" M3 k/ B4 K
> > Dress Code7 M* |( e* c9 U; i& k+ ^8 ?$ Z" l
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ T1 b$ p: y. t
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 |0 T7 Q! m% r0 r4 M, O, x> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  o5 U3 r9 g& Z. x% l
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 e$ i. A9 I0 @. v
> > need a pay raise.  r/ E4 x8 I( S7 o8 J& V
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" A) k0 g. d/ X6 J
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
; M! V* K! u6 Z$ u& I0 i7 [( U> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 H0 c! U! P# N. s1 ^1 j
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; r1 W. Y3 p; k0 J' ~1 C* C+ h, b
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 X0 L5 e* R7 G3 [* R4 |) B
> > raise.
5 ]$ X( N8 O/ N2 f8 I: D> >
1 \( M* K3 N! \) Y> > Sick Days. o  M6 B! b1 b  J/ O
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as+ Z, B% R; |/ ]
> > proof of sickness.
7 _; {9 |: L& L- w- Q* K7 m> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" g; z4 l! E1 c7 s7 E7 @* Y" r> > to come to work., \3 b( W% j( |* c  Q9 k: a$ N
> >
0 t: q2 m! p: ?4 Q> > Holiday Days
, t0 B6 g  i/ m6 \6 H- p* d& R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- A0 }% E; R  f2 A, Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
: M) G2 S2 g- I+ ?, Z  ], L1 R* R> >
8 Q/ }: d% z) F* f. r8 I7 R> > Compassionate Leave$ C& |( a/ n% \/ L# w% K
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 e% m! ?* u# S3 ]2 ]2 w" b6 o5 M
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" Q& I9 u- M7 ]> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; ]8 w/ h! C# I1 O( b% M3 v# b
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
* k6 L: P9 H/ r> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 z8 `! F% D4 P+ ^2 }
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ I3 M* a( D" T2 i! c; m
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 ?& P" [% N3 U* @. X3 \  N8 ]> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# d1 h. x! V8 m& N% U& R> > hour early., ^. r% z, n* m1 j
> >+ {6 C; q% S/ a8 u( v% `
> > Toilet Use  J0 W( E2 ^. D: k( m0 L# I4 Z1 H/ Z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" {( N4 t) D/ o! m0 K9 X  M> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: L9 L4 i" p, M2 J% }& U> > in the cubicles.
$ B5 N+ a! w$ d) n+ j+ d> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 V3 ]4 ]0 @% F+ Z4 v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& d9 L4 [5 B  r8 C! c
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! n  h, h$ c3 h$ r> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
. k; G# j9 D* n1 ]" G) d/ b8 d> > posted on the company notice board under the" T2 v1 r5 \( Y) V# V" x% H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# q, G5 K! ?: L  c/ X
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) b( F2 U0 t3 O; K5 @
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& H% i6 h% W/ O7 K
> > policy.0 a: p% E1 u: }+ X% |6 r# m1 _
> ># Y/ K% |5 v: {& V) b5 P
> > Lunch Break
0 A2 o' `3 \9 g7 g. r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* Y! N9 R2 c8 F7 s' m> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy./ F8 v7 R! z6 a
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. Z3 ]  Y5 {+ ~/ R2 E
> > maintain their average figure.5 H8 x8 t4 t$ @- v! ]7 J4 `: a
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! j( D) n! M9 d/ @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# W! |& W  \8 o0 n0 D6 h" m; b5 \> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 E; w+ Q2 T: v4 P: h
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
  h( q2 ]2 t4 U+ L+ Q5 q# A# c! u) m> > employment experience.
) S3 G: g* {) x9 a2 A) W> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,; ?. e4 G- D- P
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, `9 V4 y6 W) B7 v6 V> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 C! `- s* S% ?2 m! z- o+ ]
> > directed elsewhere.