HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:- _% c5 D# H7 B4 M$ x0 a) I% V2 z! {
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
! `4 d+ L. a  t" p> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% E: |' r0 A! L4 n7 {, i% n- b4 w
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' ~1 ^0 l: T: r
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 `' W% X+ _8 q8 i% r
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
3 z7 U! G7 D' r) q, _; p> > need a pay raise.0 n/ G- P; c$ w
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& X; V) `& ?- ~7 \; a  i, [> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
  \, p" p  \0 _( a> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% A, c# u5 k" a2 M0 L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 m+ w* a8 Z$ M# u" U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& R5 C+ M; k% ~" E( O. L5 }> > raise.7 D* L9 |& G1 u
> >
: }" ]: O" ]1 h6 _: K* \> > Sick Days
3 P) N2 Q# ^# H* j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) X' h3 r3 u2 x1 d/ E; A7 C> > proof of sickness.
3 @( l$ z2 e. R/ p1 V> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 x  `; D% T: U, x  U
> > to come to work.
) ]" S7 Y+ C' o) h> >" i+ A5 U" t* Z3 m) E8 w
> > Holiday Days7 R2 O" r/ f0 ^6 T6 O
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- H- B7 u/ G) b) m3 t7 y
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( p* M5 ^# K' r; ~
> >
4 E6 Z+ T  `1 \) t2 q' }% d> > Compassionate Leave
6 y  J4 t7 V  D6 l; ^> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
% _! j3 w# R- N6 L  A3 _> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 J. h: ~: D/ e. I4 o0 G> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- P4 ?; w, n1 S, D! Z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( g6 W# \6 J+ O8 X7 @9 J; ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* X" T" V2 Z6 R3 h7 t! g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
( x6 m$ M  H4 @; E6 B  a7 [> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" r, B% O/ ?$ T* R' ]" i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 m* l. F" Y" ?
> > hour early.
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$ ?1 {+ W# L6 L+ t% G9 t9 M> > Toilet Use
8 }2 O' l2 f) e, ]/ k> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
( `% S4 Z: m; [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ h' _" K. f' ^$ T
> > in the cubicles.: f" {8 a- _9 H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( b) m% i& w, X6 N> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 o" o# [1 h3 w> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
* E7 E( s' p( j> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 F, X# U; ^/ j6 v> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 [% l0 M2 i1 j0 P) N: M# U7 M> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
' T" v: i" K' q4 \- k> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
( Y( E" ~! {% N1 j% w> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( I8 R$ m3 I& B- l; B2 j
> > policy.' K) M/ w3 J' J- ^
> >
4 c/ s8 z  H3 f" L9 ~8 q' V; r> > Lunch Break5 D/ X/ l1 J; w
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' R4 U% P# @% D6 a# x6 m) m. ~3 K
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* h2 b: D, |: I4 u$ e> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ o0 b# f1 @4 y- ?
> > maintain their average figure.
2 O$ M: z9 E" m% Z0 G$ T! L3 A> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 y- X1 ]- L: s. o$ S+ w0 z2 l> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 f2 i% l2 J! g2 f$ }  ]8 M% G, \/ r> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- s, Y0 c( C; D- d9 x/ d
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 p: h5 c6 X8 i
> > employment experience.
+ d( ^& y. J- l% T6 s0 v> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 Z9 }! Z/ N$ c> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ N& ~+ W  `8 L9 _5 [) h. T> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% u; v7 Y. ~% R4 X4 d& n
> > directed elsewhere.