HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
8 b1 F  U$ M, V+ t: j+ p- u> >                     Effective January 2007/ l+ P7 r4 h# ^* Z
> >
+ k7 ]& ?" g' U, x+ ^- @> > Dress Code6 V7 M. Y$ @! [) |4 R, E
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ _# \3 O. `8 s% M. A# d$ o- x$ G8 ]> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. \) @# ?: q+ g  m1 O/ l: q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. {& ]" A  Y& c3 ?! \) V9 P
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 O5 P( H0 a9 B% X
> > need a pay raise.
! }& b( }5 s2 z( n6 _. m5 Y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ U  A0 }! e2 j, k$ e/ X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) f4 t4 q9 }4 B$ p9 _: W5 O
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# U  H1 S4 i& Q3 u> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ ^1 N+ [! R5 i; {
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 d- V% |: n7 [9 @7 R* W  ?! ?> > raise.4 k8 }% J) c* p# v
> >
; K/ I9 T: D0 E5 c6 X. ^! S! g> > Sick Days9 [% n! q& \2 [& H0 P; a0 m
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 r$ i( w- O! m9 A
> > proof of sickness.
5 w9 V, q/ ~; P2 c> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ ~! n2 N& @$ h+ q1 q/ M
> > to come to work.
# H& a9 R% @$ T2 P: ^> >. k" P4 e9 D# B2 q0 ]1 x
> > Holiday Days
: J( R9 n9 Q2 l, G, X% L0 R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ S) h, ^8 c7 I  V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 H3 {  Q( V- e% Q
> >" I1 s% r, p' l* K; Q0 d4 r
> > Compassionate Leave1 z8 ]2 F( y7 G: `& n" w3 u  {/ @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' r) m5 P! M8 l2 |$ e, r> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
5 h' P  z' V: t2 M( E4 `9 k> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, I* [. L. j& u
> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 j2 @* A( E% _7 N( u6 z- Y0 |+ W
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 ~8 b# r" c9 f7 {> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 Z* ]+ f& E. P  I# O$ }1 ^( E& a
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% }9 H; i5 W% @8 `/ b8 v2 ?> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
& @2 a% {6 t) [$ K1 p> > hour early.
  @, D( k: M/ \* C, D> >
5 h) X8 d0 O  I1 B> > Toilet Use: \8 h0 K" u1 X# o+ Z) T. ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# @+ |3 m2 v6 c- P4 D+ b$ f' _& d
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# p8 X* t) T6 h6 E% Z  P
> > in the cubicles.
+ c% |1 F: Q; y' S) S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ f/ e# k* \; G. m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* z5 p7 X/ f3 l3 m) j2 n* L/ u$ R> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
+ A' K. h- O1 ?7 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 t& W! G$ ~4 J
> > posted on the company notice board under the
; f3 j0 f2 \* s! F; d, N: t> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 w$ h" X+ t0 D
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- }- a' L% M- d2 z/ U! y( _  j/ s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! w0 |+ l- j* ~& X1 I) v% [/ u
> > policy.  a' R, A! T; ^9 f( T: O
> >2 F3 d: |. a6 v& u, {  K
> > Lunch Break0 r" Y+ r; `) O2 ~0 S2 Z+ E! r
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: P) {) g3 E! ^7 M) x6 M4 e> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: n3 D- j. l! [( r. ~' ]# W1 r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 p7 r6 s2 ^/ h
> > maintain their average figure.: \; y2 F! Q0 V& u9 y4 C* L
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 w+ |( M# I, I8 Q. k( N> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 d$ g$ Y8 Q9 T6 K, t+ a9 i; U
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 W. l' P, Z& p2 Z1 H* q6 Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 ]2 K( Z  d* W5 H/ H> > employment experience.
4 ?: ~; j/ W/ P> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: p; ?; w8 N' {( a> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  `8 x6 a9 {5 H+ K1 ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% K$ n) d1 _1 B9 N1 {, a
> > directed elsewhere.