HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:/ Z% u, i  D; P. [# L! J4 h8 e
> >                     Effective January 2007
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# t- {6 a. T4 ?7 a) T' _> > Dress Code) z" r$ s* H8 A% D& b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed  E+ E  w0 F, L
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ d* O% Z! h) ?  N% p. e9 l1 {> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- n5 x8 _7 o* |7 ^" c5 ~8 M
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& D$ \$ E2 Z$ Q7 j  T. w2 ]
> > need a pay raise.
$ a+ S- ]6 \$ {( a> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, ^% T1 |0 k% I* J
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 p& C" t& @1 D- E- ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- n2 B& v) ]) q: U
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- D7 \; b! O* p: e  A( ?5 Q
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" F1 f1 w- O( B5 x" S4 z7 d
> > raise." ^1 ^: E! k& a# N7 Z6 ~
> >+ @; i6 h& f! u9 _  H3 M
> > Sick Days
5 m/ ]% C' r8 @; x7 V# u> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( ^! z$ l. y3 `, V9 n> > proof of sickness.# s7 z; T! x3 ]" x& R6 U% g
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
. Z8 c" q" c# J6 @> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
( t8 P: l4 [  a6 H0 [  I> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! r4 Z& b: ^: c$ c. Y2 i
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: h* T# e6 h+ Z  L* t
> >
2 O* R0 `3 [; R, I4 A> > Compassionate Leave$ v; f9 q! ^% @5 M1 ~
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 ^6 i0 l$ q, T  t5 [( l: a> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
# G4 w$ z6 D: G; \7 n# R> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) d4 `+ w3 [% F
> > employees attend to the arrangements.' v) i0 e: j- M7 [: p. r
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ O8 T# t8 }$ i: M! v1 o/ `> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) K1 {+ L$ V% O& V> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
9 ?( h# D! P1 b" w: m# P> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 R8 R+ a5 R( S* l> > hour early.( b1 \3 r7 U& |) j
> >
6 H0 D  i* Q0 |> > Toilet Use
7 x% o# U$ t" s) ]& C  }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 ^# i6 Z+ X8 g; e  j> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 J9 h. R% B7 }
> > in the cubicles.3 n1 Q/ L& w  ?- B' V( B
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- W6 ~  ]5 ~- Y0 b, ~* q/ r5 b. d> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; C) ]& o: M5 s" X9 F& E/ T5 Y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( J% u$ u3 r8 d: G- T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ N4 N0 _; |5 c* Q! j, t; S( x
> > posted on the company notice board under the
  `! g# |& x: s> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 n& k) g  ~' W4 G# l. |
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! W, F# e$ h# u3 M
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! W6 c& ^7 R* x1 G" P' U: q
> > policy.: t1 P& P. A4 R; z
> >
9 y% t! o/ c* I& ^- v2 k> > Lunch Break8 O$ z2 t* E$ T2 r- }0 O/ L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% [9 R6 a  _1 C$ x. w3 _
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
" s: Y1 q" I, c! C9 T/ Y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; S. a. n. o0 b2 J, u+ `8 T, E> > maintain their average figure.) K! M6 a- }/ J9 Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 `, h/ @) H$ p% H2 E
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' z. Y+ G1 |. W+ @$ q2 i' g8 z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 U2 w5 C; t/ U/ Z( o. G> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# c# Q% z- Q' O6 W: r; d2 Q
> > employment experience.* J/ O0 g2 z( P) |, c+ s, i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# @! I, l5 d* d* V
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, I3 q% J( Q% `" r0 P> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% [1 |1 m, G$ ]: ~. W
> > directed elsewhere.