HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
8 {5 r% A8 t9 e; O> >                     Effective January 20074 j- Z1 {$ }$ O' m4 a; v/ N
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> > Dress Code% R+ \  f9 t0 f, x7 ^
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ W: }/ s' [. b
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
0 b2 z# ]0 l( T8 n/ }1 }> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. J2 p2 S; }: |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 c9 k( u; ~% ~" K! {
> > need a pay raise.
) _6 r3 g9 S* g# b  |. n> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ x; b* j7 l# r) q- w* e7 ]> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% ~! C6 ^0 {9 g" ^& K6 H4 N> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., B8 O4 k" x) l/ r5 ^( P% g- f
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 `( x% @% ~' x> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& w9 T$ ~* {4 i> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
5 x7 K5 {+ t, u% P- y> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! I% ]2 b" U+ l9 D! z4 o- R1 d
> > proof of sickness.
/ |' _+ `! \! D, L' `8 G> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& P/ P$ m) B  x3 f$ D8 j- \
> > to come to work.9 V# n2 w) d+ H
> >$ X9 {  A/ [4 C% }. }; x4 U" V* p' x
> > Holiday Days% y* V+ c8 V, z( V+ i0 m9 ~4 Q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# v! X" L9 u: W2 k# `/ E+ U
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( T: m; C& l2 x+ w
> >$ o7 u  G: o9 ]) w/ [
> > Compassionate Leave/ K8 ^# n" C  ~% x. K* L9 n& `9 n
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 v0 l% E! w* @, Z' C0 x4 b
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-' k! c  W4 u+ ]# `& h
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-$ T6 u+ Z% i8 G6 S, V# g# r/ ?0 p# f
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; |( s+ O' E5 V, m1 ^
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; k1 j( p* J& p4 q% Q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: n, Q3 Z4 R' G; v6 h> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; w: e( F& T( x+ B& I. `  A: O3 Z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: v8 n# X6 z( R" T, {/ L2 `
> > hour early.! r- h! J) L9 L1 s0 o
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> > Toilet Use! w' d' C% E$ F# b8 ~2 \& v
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# R  u+ j; ^8 Z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit6 Q+ d9 o6 Y9 J# t' S' @% ~/ m( p9 Z
> > in the cubicles.9 j( s% A4 Z6 s7 I3 W6 O
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ O( Q2 i. y1 @5 i( X> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& ~* L0 g* r: i  W  U; q0 X7 i
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& A& s7 g7 m* E0 n> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' e8 h4 T! i8 }9 W2 f  N
> > posted on the company notice board under the* e$ \% h; |* I* h6 \8 w2 F4 [; W" T; Z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# w! u/ ]9 a3 L! q& b  s3 O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& w. u; z( d7 W. O" f
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health4 `- U6 t) q+ L/ y$ Z
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
& R- e2 @. \9 }6 G> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they- a/ }) O7 _1 n  ?7 X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( v- @& ]) R, z; H* I> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! u+ \2 k( N! A8 B* N- v> > maintain their average figure.# E: s" o/ |" M1 e: V
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* L- M1 S0 n$ h> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 B; j/ |. L! E
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* u* j1 [9 `- \, [0 A
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; K9 B1 _  f, s# u- v; z. s; Q
> > employment experience.
5 h9 W7 a& `2 b; Z4 w9 T> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% [  J- |: T. _& }/ S. A& o> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- ]& q0 k- F( a
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* ]. T7 \# [0 T. c* c9 g
> > directed elsewhere.