HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:: p- x% @+ ]1 m: Y$ Q
> >                     Effective January 20079 E/ T( e$ B: j$ v" l: x5 q2 f
> >( R+ a5 }: P, A, \4 [. }
> > Dress Code
- f( k& \2 h' [, L$ i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  k' H7 }$ ~  ~: D/ o> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& x3 r) C1 I2 i! ?6 |2 D. ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: A' z3 Z5 `( |2 M% v# y  X" F
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 u% @! B* m8 L6 c, a> > need a pay raise.0 T3 P7 j6 X& Y& p" H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ i5 b/ `- l8 ]' o( U- E# W> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, A- J3 R. P3 c" L
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ m1 U8 G$ z3 Y2 C" {7 W. C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 t) n1 U# i2 J; c6 a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 @- L7 l$ E" E' _. P  ~6 n4 K> > raise.3 x, s* k: q  [* a
> >+ Q- N, U  `/ p9 j4 o
> > Sick Days
% M% g% ]- R* j3 |# n4 P* X> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* e' Q+ x5 f; s! }' b> > proof of sickness.& t+ p( q# u6 C. d1 j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ w. q' j' j% k6 @% w( M3 ^) x1 O> > to come to work.$ s# T( d! E0 c; q, q
> >
" u1 j+ ~; R$ s8 @. N> > Holiday Days
! O* g; |8 g, c& c  w> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 W3 T: v( u7 g6 S# d$ U0 V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ N; }  _  j6 j6 u  i# ~7 S
> >
1 @% M5 u# j# C. [> > Compassionate Leave
  U# R- }8 `* D" G- ]& F/ |> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 L1 u& Z, h" Y) e1 U
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( J6 ]5 e, i2 U1 m$ Z% y4 x> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- P6 q$ ^' a/ e7 C( E( K
> > employees attend to the arrangements." Y) _* O" _* g4 _/ r
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 c" i/ f9 I0 d- P- g) m+ Q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; f. E2 t2 g; j- x7 P) P> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( F" C& p0 W8 s; ~4 U" _
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  F8 I; c* v4 H% _1 h4 m5 b> > hour early." f  q( @" j" m, s. Z! r5 M: x5 Y: o
> >' Q- L( {& b2 `
> > Toilet Use
$ j4 J( m: J  D# j3 l> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 E/ G0 x& P2 P
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: _3 o8 C! N0 L, W7 J' z% n
> > in the cubicles.
: t- B: z& L( ?: O8 d: O> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 h  z  s1 j! K( f% P5 e6 q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: ~: w$ r* k: j3 x& s4 K' T/ z% g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) W3 g9 ~$ W. N/ k* \> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 X* b& }, w# x- H
> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 k" e6 B7 V; A> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 J8 t' m3 B: i) F+ \> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 `: E1 ^/ o! k4 W/ d7 [
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 m5 e) b/ O9 @* I5 [
> > policy.. |0 S! E% e3 k0 d7 S) v
> >
; R, c$ Z' x& s# B& i$ o9 V  N; J> > Lunch Break
4 y1 l( G( W. F" G0 u. X> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# z8 V+ D4 z' H> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( E0 ^1 G! i- z/ V: n
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% Q1 R! @. ~+ Z5 V$ b% ^% d: Q> > maintain their average figure.2 ^# ]5 Q8 ]# C6 ~/ X6 _: E8 ^! n' d/ e
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 `! s8 j, C) X% M> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: Y( g8 q! F$ Q# c; s/ D7 v
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. f2 }5 d9 p; l- `3 m; g
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# ?, n; _1 ?9 V1 I> > employment experience.* X; _7 u, ~/ q, V. h+ ?2 t- I+ y& H, e
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ v7 O0 l  _" ]9 h. D1 A! l, p2 V
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 C' b8 E  K) h+ Q5 z( i6 {3 B> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ A" g# l% k3 k! Z4 K$ ?> > directed elsewhere.