HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 r  F6 D6 R5 {# p
> >                     Effective January 2007
$ j: U" M( k" v> ># a6 o: F/ G. L* W
> > Dress Code
  H. I5 r% x. U# `> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# C- ]  H8 ], J( \! c% i! k> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% \0 ^$ O- Q1 y/ U. s5 w) L1 d> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, V$ D' n3 d' Y- ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 y1 g  `! I- r; H) x; Z# [+ y/ r
> > need a pay raise.6 @3 _- p5 ^- O# `; G2 \2 ^3 C
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ W0 x  d* Q# t1 e0 b9 t
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. m8 V; X0 C$ s2 C) ]1 X
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. }1 v4 N# y: j4 ?" S  ~> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 U. f/ [! F: ~" n) t( V
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
- `1 h* M8 w4 c/ b1 H9 B8 a> > raise.4 L! o/ G$ k" s
> >; A$ ^/ P5 I: G6 k& _  B
> > Sick Days2 R/ n$ ]8 H0 O% }- v
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ e- U2 D3 @& J# T9 N/ S8 F6 Z> > proof of sickness.
$ D4 z; Z8 r! E, ^% |6 D  i> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- a0 s$ v, U! Q  x' f. H5 L> > to come to work.5 ^' r  u0 b; A. T4 a) q
> >) q9 ~' @$ ]: d
> > Holiday Days
/ {* c- H, U) H! x% P, |) N% _. L4 x> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  Y% ^. K! x+ H9 h+ l2 f$ T7 H
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
9 {5 R+ ?+ e% g: l3 @# u3 b> >" v8 x) G5 B: }* e" a) n1 r" r( `2 _" k
> > Compassionate Leave
6 ~5 M5 a2 E: b) H0 G2 L8 U> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 ]/ n6 y! Q5 O! `' [/ `8 _; T) H> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( S* H4 V! C+ j3 \0 a. q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 P- `# H1 g+ @0 ~8 h3 @> > employees attend to the arrangements.; t; {- _5 B% F* v8 r9 p8 S5 i
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# E& @* K/ k) [; K
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
  g: S0 y" w6 D/ u/ w# ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( g6 r) f5 i  b$ e5 v
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  k! c0 W, z+ B' Y! Q: J> > hour early.
8 `1 l% I5 [+ I8 x> >
  o# ?! Z: Q) g7 D/ M0 d> > Toilet Use
* W2 p/ u$ N7 a0 e, M> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% j/ L+ Q4 k5 z( n# `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, D6 C- Q; e1 ^! p7 s5 c
> > in the cubicles.6 l# n7 \0 B1 K9 z! L
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 m& T' P) C! Q! c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 m) g: m# ^; U1 V, r> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 e' x7 |1 j& A8 L1 }# ]3 I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ J4 b% V7 U0 \6 `$ _6 d# q0 H
> > posted on the company notice board under the
$ p8 O0 Q. U1 m3 n* U> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, h; y6 G1 h& J% ~> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, s  g6 X# {2 n> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 x7 {" c& ~, u/ r> > policy.' {, K1 ~0 r; q+ ^; k0 v
> >5 Q) `& I0 v/ |. Q
> > Lunch Break! [$ X$ j* q  P$ g1 K
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they; ]$ Y2 T$ [9 s( _( E. M8 g# G/ c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 Z2 }# D8 n1 W, t4 p1 Y
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( U2 d! E( z# C. H4 w1 k
> > maintain their average figure.
- f5 ^4 ^0 l5 L) @3 u8 d) V> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 \: T9 ]# y( G2 i# w8 f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' O; r$ f8 d+ N8 ?( K, w
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  {  y3 \0 y" t1 Z. y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive' V& @* D8 v0 y
> > employment experience.0 {" e7 c4 h" v9 l+ `4 [" K1 }9 ]9 v
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 F' p4 x1 k8 D8 C; m7 [# [4 ?> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ {$ v; Z9 n+ q+ b% v" ~' Y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
, |9 p& n! q  E/ D1 g( {5 Z8 e& D> > directed elsewhere.