HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
; M+ X- V, O4 R/ _, ~5 H( D> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code( Y2 ?% S0 s# r+ i( E( }
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 Z9 U+ |; u$ _" N7 o
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 O& j" K9 `  r3 _3 h/ e
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- o+ b8 \3 e. X1 P4 I( L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 n/ C" d, V' P! I# ^6 }> > need a pay raise.! F2 X' L, W  \; R
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% K: H9 i0 R4 ~, B> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 m! {/ d- p3 q! f1 Q  M
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: s0 f. Q9 ?6 o% K" r1 |& p
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 @5 P% X6 K0 t9 q) v8 ]1 O1 J1 x& K> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' j6 [' C& v8 i3 f/ k  H! R> > raise.1 L/ G8 [4 \. u5 A/ D# d
> >
% Q- s' a$ Q" b+ _> > Sick Days* C2 L. p' F( S4 P- J  j8 q4 z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
1 j4 u$ S" A  d# C$ j9 _+ g) p> > proof of sickness.6 f% B4 D. R4 _( n$ g& c, G. [
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' N4 n$ [+ J2 ^2 A
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
  u+ H  j; {0 D8 \* y: n> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# H- }2 L7 r9 w# \8 H" E
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; u+ E$ f9 T+ g" d, J" i8 i# x- ]3 E
> >
% W; M( T, D3 k. T. K> > Compassionate Leave( o3 o! z5 ]# ]( U; V- H
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, g# C) |( [. `
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) X/ E; B/ g: g5 {3 G
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 V1 j: j9 u# d/ n+ \% |> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 I7 Y, t# m  D
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: l3 w  _" v! p7 V, t) d> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 l8 k2 P) a( ^  ]" T' O  E  o+ |
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& L- ]6 }( v5 y7 R- i4 W& X> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 ~1 P; A3 x- D! x4 M! S> > hour early.* N( S2 G; ?" R. M8 ?) D  R0 o
> >
" Q: N; ]5 s7 \/ L$ y6 `> > Toilet Use
* q/ ~/ T! x' c; {> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% l3 ?$ C2 r6 t' t. U4 }, C> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ p, f$ N' c! ?) h1 j
> > in the cubicles.
9 W; l# b6 |. X, o  U6 j! g% u4 B> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! H8 b) H7 ^; c7 N
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( M$ b% p3 j1 |1 H# K$ I& y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 P( o5 \" k3 ]- r- M/ [. V
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ y4 R2 a7 u  r* k> > posted on the company notice board under the5 W3 I+ E/ W) Q5 a$ l# L+ y
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 y  @  a1 H1 e4 H  H1 G0 ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be$ P8 G5 m% O. ]0 A" e7 }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
, `) A1 W- m) b, A> > policy.+ q* G3 ]3 K7 X& _+ A( f6 N& G# s: Y
> >
9 {* X" r9 _8 [3 r> > Lunch Break6 b0 M3 \& p" J6 M6 c; z. J' k6 O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 ?4 J+ ~" O% M. ]> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( C& G0 e' \+ p. E. @$ U
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  V* E% o; }' T; [! U
> > maintain their average figure.
0 y, d+ E" W+ Q. f> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% N" _( {' M4 o0 D> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 S7 M1 e! H% |+ t7 |8 U3 L. R3 O> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
5 }8 `/ g6 l' c! T- h1 C5 p" F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' P5 O3 J" x; g2 n2 J0 I+ d% q> > employment experience.' n  A2 o1 |8 R% v( @
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 C* T  K3 _! s' t7 x% M> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  i& m) {1 D( W; m
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be! l$ `% k  G( L: n2 M3 I% n
> > directed elsewhere.