HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* Y" r0 u2 D7 E( X9 Z% K
> >                     Effective January 2007
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5 K3 j* u9 N$ O$ o, K> > Dress Code
( D4 w( a0 C7 _> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 k: [8 E- J$ r  T5 E
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 X1 B% L8 W0 W& L1 g* ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, e8 l( I9 j& B1 R0 }: z5 ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 N& q5 h" J9 h' D7 L# q, L3 L> > need a pay raise.: _! U/ S3 y" |: I$ \
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ s- `3 F' A+ \, M0 `/ d> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
2 \' V4 ?, I# O> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
; P" N: w- \2 ^6 \, V( _% K2 W0 V> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 T- N& [# O  A8 v: X! j, m
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 t4 r8 ^# P; r; L" K) i6 c
> > raise.3 |+ x; @* U' c; Q
> >2 L- k  u$ y- h8 O  O1 E* h
> > Sick Days
; G0 `9 o- g( E  F+ w/ c3 @& P" h> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" ^0 g% E0 X0 `- ]: B) j> > proof of sickness.
# }% K8 w% h5 _+ D6 a* {> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 `' X9 |+ g1 T3 U: R- H: _6 m> > to come to work.  u) c3 R7 ~  E( `' `" R
> >' S& m2 p9 H2 d! f' t+ H( O
> > Holiday Days0 P# a7 l% m  U
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- B7 O* P* ~# ]  J# t> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
; X' S  x0 ]. Y/ j> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
& _, o/ P) G' L! r> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-$ }. X& ?8 x0 R6 }/ d
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' u; ?7 \, i) A6 O6 D' r2 \> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 X8 f" t6 m& G- N
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! ]; f( O8 T* q  H( K> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 \) R' a9 H3 {/ H* i! b
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 G, O: {& J$ D* E; q5 p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, c, e& `$ q9 X0 t  d! s" J. X> > hour early.& ^$ N# O5 K# \3 U% y7 W, S  C+ }
> >
+ z0 o& w1 L  n% s2 ?, T6 o> > Toilet Use% j7 B% r5 Z" p1 s- r2 D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 v. ~; M; Q# l3 J: V) K4 R> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! b( i+ ?# f6 R9 M1 b> > in the cubicles.
% ]* {1 @) U$ P! s  U/ |2 O* [> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
: ~8 [; }! a% X$ U/ r> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 d- t  d" d: M+ V> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
+ m$ k( }. M6 y6 Y+ N  x* @- _7 x! I/ }> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ Q! c; ~3 W5 d6 [! [" v
> > posted on the company notice board under the; K: ]2 r* z, P9 h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: j/ l1 b. l% X5 g# v8 Q2 B> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# F. h/ f7 K) A8 Y% w, f3 T> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ h$ [1 _! q5 j1 u. R* k& [> > policy.: k( f) z0 J' d4 p5 U% W
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> > Lunch Break/ {2 Q& o6 U  p
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 X+ i! w1 e! H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! n6 C1 k. y- a
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 I4 _/ j* P. n9 P. a> > maintain their average figure.
3 |2 E, y2 A- w+ s+ W3 Z  W+ |> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time+ R& L( E0 @( x4 D& l
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% g9 c1 R& f* m+ ~/ z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ F! e5 \6 k- `& Y$ Y$ L1 d0 d1 e; m> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- y$ D- M0 O) |+ c
> > employment experience.
& J+ q( g$ T- B. R  z, g" _> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% P9 _) V0 t  f
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" J' S/ e0 n6 N7 ]& n- |# u$ B0 ]> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& b- S0 P- q3 Q, {. n> > directed elsewhere.