HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ E" B" F& w' h5 j( q( a> >                     Effective January 2007
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; d& t( ]4 U: H& g( X/ a% `> > Dress Code
1 n3 k4 t1 ]8 J3 c> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed6 B" L: {0 y9 G5 {
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) W8 p. m5 i* P0 Z- R$ O4 J* J
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  w+ U& ^: d, \2 i
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 x2 Z5 u: u1 \" A- Y. H
> > need a pay raise., G3 ^3 S" R4 V! O  h' k
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, P/ @3 {6 v, }6 k( l# R! m" P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 z  \8 K. w* n- j. v. w! c3 n> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 Q: b9 S: D. n$ u+ C% H> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ \* O3 Z7 B; `  J) ~' D+ h' {0 |
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
- |3 _' t) Y+ f$ E> > raise.$ ?1 t" l) v8 |) Z0 i0 B. a
> >
+ A- Q" `4 d' n) Y, B% O5 s> > Sick Days
5 I/ D! ^5 x" F7 O% U8 e> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
1 W* R" I% l4 y9 W& N> > proof of sickness.2 g) J0 M: o$ M, N
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ i* h  o8 M1 P2 O> > to come to work.
6 c2 `( ?( r! ^5 p> >
& ^# A& r- }0 Y5 s! z> > Holiday Days: l: S, \8 Y. ~* D, j  p2 F% K
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a3 {# `! k. Z) t5 T9 N$ W3 C8 J# G' }
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
* @4 g, T8 p7 J4 ?) {> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. q& K' ?9 j2 q. H  R0 m0 ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  g: x5 H& [1 z- i
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# i& s% {9 ~6 b6 T
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% u$ S( n2 R. {" \% B> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( L4 _  ]( p; H% t# w/ f' {. {; F
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 f- z& h" B( B. y2 g& ~$ b> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 k: X. m, R% e) t; N+ e
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one2 X/ ?8 L$ \' l5 h2 Z) B0 V8 e
> > hour early.
3 \% F& w1 A2 s/ i+ y3 f> >
6 a; I' Q) C/ t9 \> > Toilet Use* v# ^$ I1 W. G" f# _0 T: p( r
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the' x; n8 ^& I# }' ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& x9 c$ g0 j; i
> > in the cubicles.
; C0 r5 a9 J* O  s/ L( I0 r! a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- f2 B% X2 M0 q! x$ M> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# E0 n0 B. {) c% e2 y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
4 u: S6 U4 a: t1 ]! \3 U& p> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
6 W1 W* W; w) A3 X/ }: J. z0 `> > posted on the company notice board under the% K1 S4 L7 G  G0 h; i1 z5 ^
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 u: k7 [, t' `# Q& W8 ]* z" Y> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; O( d7 j5 A- ]> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ l/ R8 }: v$ f$ D1 D) M> > policy.! l7 B$ t5 f/ I: R+ i" i
> >
' a0 I; J% ^, k* }> > Lunch Break
/ q' Q1 g: Z6 X# Q5 O> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ p+ F+ H8 T% C) F/ ~& Y/ m7 ]> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 S- @6 y: F% ]& v
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) r. B' R% T0 P4 T
> > maintain their average figure.
8 U; s; B% x) Z9 a0 ~$ M& c5 N> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( E4 B9 j8 Q, [$ k  z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." R( p$ D9 @+ S( k( b
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ T# E, a. `. O9 e: J) K+ y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 c- |0 o/ w0 ?
> > employment experience.
7 R: }  l' F* e! `> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,6 B8 u7 K) V- G6 p: }8 ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, o% j. }- F+ t0 i
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 h5 l3 y, t) [> > directed elsewhere.