HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
; a0 S8 T) Z% o9 q3 I> >                     Effective January 2007
- K* X5 r7 `& P2 j) q2 p$ M> >- G2 f% ]; t" v2 s  i: b' p
> > Dress Code# C: D3 a, O: E' I9 j  i
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 \. m2 B# D0 Q- v& w/ _. s; G, k
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# H% w5 w! i2 N3 P% j> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, Y1 v. o& k7 i; P1 a5 r+ }1 \" Q( G> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 G# U0 _8 m3 @& [> > need a pay raise.. t; K! W8 e" {3 z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# c4 s0 k  n6 h1 E8 P( r$ Z4 s
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer/ \  j$ G0 c+ y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! Z% ]3 n* ]+ s! l
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
9 v1 f9 V) ~' f# }+ O9 K5 l# w> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 r) e1 j2 p% N) k1 [" W> > raise.$ k3 e* [* U/ z; b) ^
> >: j; F% A: Z8 L
> > Sick Days- N1 E% R3 R) @2 C! G
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ I- V$ H% m, h; U& c* b1 s: x
> > proof of sickness.0 f' a8 H: f+ O2 d" G1 H
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% O5 }' P, C6 _( L& Z' `
> > to come to work.' z6 O9 v& n1 J% [9 C
> >5 P4 a" Z- `8 `5 Y" N: ]" E+ ]  M
> > Holiday Days! E% }( A2 V& Q. [1 T3 n! J; E/ [
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
  B! u# [* R$ u5 r, M> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ l# E& _- ?# t$ g
> >
! Z" }9 n* {: h' o- f. y  v5 Q> > Compassionate Leave# q5 p; ~  ?( J2 H; J4 d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 j; Z( D, I4 ?7 ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-' d) B2 l) G  W( c/ o- M
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' p: M/ C: f$ Q% c. a
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# `9 X" K8 `% ?> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 Y2 Q9 c* o$ \& V
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ r3 S$ p. q* u2 `9 d
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
, o3 I2 y2 _! N% U' N  |> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: s3 \3 B! ~2 A5 U; u( r> > hour early.
) y  M+ k7 y: g- l! C> >
4 V. g+ S0 W6 ~0 r, L% e8 E> > Toilet Use$ Z/ i8 a" ?4 Z2 Z; [/ R6 P
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 T; e% J1 L) @- T
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 g4 f/ |& ]5 c8 e
> > in the cubicles.5 o* b3 B( |, ^$ F6 v5 h
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 U, @, G- v5 N3 W2 t4 V- B5 f! b> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 D, W/ e9 x% ?9 M2 A# {+ }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
+ N. M: X6 }0 q, t2 a/ n> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be0 @4 U* O1 N0 E' V6 @) s$ g2 i
> > posted on the company notice board under the* ?$ D, B3 M! U5 k9 [8 ]. D7 g7 |4 W
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 [0 o% P0 U) y% ]% g& I& g
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. t* F$ I: y0 \7 e4 S) }- q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( E. \0 O* G5 ^6 S> > policy.
; a# F# O; c7 S6 P; D9 |0 @> >' M$ B4 g! Q6 ]! J% o4 E- D* i
> > Lunch Break
0 l; U" G: P6 u3 Y0 G6 S  f$ s' i> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# ^; {. B" }1 S* L& R
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% g: y; _) ]/ F* _; p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
  y5 i$ R3 N0 s, s4 W> > maintain their average figure.
7 a; ~" h3 x& U% R, s5 [> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* C6 {6 u& ~7 A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) f4 F+ q, q& h: h- w8 n/ u> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 [* D0 o) s6 T2 H" z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# D" g$ e) W: N( C( s> > employment experience." A- n+ c. ?# _3 i4 H# x
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ W. d! [; {) a7 Z> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 E1 l3 I" l7 d# L3 Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
4 u9 I: V  B5 P& c# n> > directed elsewhere.