HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. G2 N/ N; ?; N0 c5 m; s  v, D: M
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
" \. ~7 K/ N+ o' |% }$ m( F# V5 q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 ^# M! {3 U# c6 V8 _$ E
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  F) o" G# Y. m2 h& T
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! {- W: {4 t' [9 y6 h+ O) |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! Z$ {2 \9 }. \
> > need a pay raise.8 j! m) j6 C; S4 t+ C
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ c. M5 x! h+ @% a- B2 Q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 f: `( a4 t. `, ]5 M+ Q$ N
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) d2 r6 ^: J$ U: J. n! \> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. t( F4 w$ k1 ]/ Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 C& [$ n( V( m3 v! x3 v" A+ s
> > raise.3 c* a9 f* a7 o6 L' ]' e; N1 l
> >: {9 D. B: B7 W7 ^3 i3 q' z
> > Sick Days5 C" z: Z* V2 R( T2 [1 ?5 M( N# j& ?
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 }3 O, ?$ Q/ T
> > proof of sickness.# g! c/ C+ L# ^4 j
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. r' e& o# I, l9 i6 O( L
> > to come to work.
8 q/ ]% y) X' R: ?> >
5 C% t$ y* z  U( |, d> > Holiday Days
  I! I# g/ G; e4 J. {> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: R$ P6 X" k2 \> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
4 |6 U7 W3 j2 j: c> >
) `& [: l7 ^2 F7 L/ {: l+ z/ y> > Compassionate Leave
6 ?8 }' r2 b$ }, r: A2 ?> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 f; m8 P" V# {4 J& s5 O) M& E+ H> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 ~( b6 ~5 E2 a" n6 y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 s/ L; j9 u8 c1 E> > employees attend to the arrangements.( ~, Z$ I6 C$ l. m6 s; r1 a+ Z) x
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 F  w9 w) g( y3 d/ s$ e6 ]> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* G6 s, {+ ]9 i7 b9 }0 H> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( _! N0 F% P  ]8 I/ j> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 e1 {  M, \3 Y% B9 H
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use% l" l! [; }* S# g1 }0 \8 b/ s# E
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) z1 w4 L$ L" ?- O1 L; I
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, s! e  l" _# b8 Q" K" X> > in the cubicles.
2 Y+ E9 s. Q5 x& e( {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! d; P- T$ m) E" `$ g+ Z. i( {> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 ~: k' g1 V0 l+ s. h  R9 o> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. P6 \7 K9 m2 G, A: N4 X& p; I% b> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 O: q+ w6 Q4 v: V> > posted on the company notice board under the% U. |, M9 y9 e% Z. y; z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 P! q/ R0 A/ a/ j7 R> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- K. X9 e3 H8 B% K; f* u7 Q- ^
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. z$ ~$ l" Z& S: p
> > policy.
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) ]/ i0 f  D/ }0 [5 H+ u) [- S- ~> > Lunch Break
; ~( [" J3 x% D% [% p! Q$ @> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# z" N, I# g  k* B/ [
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 j2 n# `1 r) ]> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 Y5 R* Y; W& O4 ^. }
> > maintain their average figure.& q! O$ F" ^* h/ I( N. o+ d
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! d; S) s# Z& c( i7 i* m7 W
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 [6 b/ G  ~- L> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: v* [9 N: Q* f
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" v# ~8 [! Z! b( l. j1 c: T
> > employment experience.
' w; m$ M) ?/ A> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& M' K9 V5 D; t/ W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& |6 J' U$ l" c
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' P" ^% X: z0 s- e1 W0 D& |
> > directed elsewhere.