HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. N+ @6 k, }) J
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code7 ~* }4 f2 y& V: ^, D
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. C  E4 w1 k' A
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' W" ]9 D) V) a# V( A* l4 H, A* [
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. M9 W0 m" ~3 ~- u3 L2 o/ N> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ o# ]5 t) A% O5 L# d4 V1 T
> > need a pay raise.  i8 j! `: y+ z9 s& N# Z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, N8 K' `3 z1 D- t) k> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
; o. `1 g. z0 ^1 D& f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 P1 e) I9 \" g% Q! \0 ~8 H4 R
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" V8 [! u9 @4 ?$ S6 u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! `) T4 a  @: ^& w$ m- h
> > raise.
+ x1 o# W. `9 l" X> >
! c  Z# G2 m1 o, W, y> > Sick Days
$ ?, T" m1 Q% A; f6 l2 n> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
1 f5 w" \% f3 n& d> > proof of sickness.1 _; V( l, u$ }6 Y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; x) J* t8 ]8 C> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
& c/ _8 ^: W) h> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ F) I8 P- P5 y/ O
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ i. l( o$ U1 [. F/ x( s% p( ?& G
> >
1 Z# |9 A. ?; J) N- m! I, _> > Compassionate Leave7 A, E: B& s3 w1 v+ i/ x$ S: O' _
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 F8 g1 s' p2 }& F/ g. D: Q( [> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ d) q0 i% V. W% W5 ^  z( [% }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: `! s% n# @6 ^' U/ k: \: u: J> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 U' G1 F9 G9 c; h8 M> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 V" w9 }8 P( c; d7 N: R9 K, U9 L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. d2 |8 R& `: B0 |+ ?' F# s> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
9 B, o3 {( I5 @" R7 z, Z> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- ?9 ]) F* P% R> > hour early.8 q+ k4 {0 y: C: S' G
> >, ]1 H' D/ D% \  g# m+ J
> > Toilet Use6 b* ^! ^  u- U6 Y! n/ d
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" i/ f' S- P. Y* o  h> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 v- a0 ~1 Q( b, n: d7 i% @7 j6 a> > in the cubicles.( {; H2 {8 F' K: ]) M& _
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 t$ I' B. F; X' h> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% m& B  a% W8 ]> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
9 o4 c6 q/ c1 N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 W. W, D6 Y, ?> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 f" @8 m* @6 A" c  i% A# U> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 M7 J& A5 e4 J- L- {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
9 T+ }7 Y8 _1 Q1 |+ B> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. Y/ q- E0 U" _2 E: m
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break( V0 [& d" I3 ~& \
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! t3 a" o/ Y8 {' D1 F7 K( |- J+ S2 l> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 ^7 F0 z% M* [. S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 R' R/ t; C1 H, {: E2 {+ _6 \
> > maintain their average figure.
7 n- l: X4 X2 J! H> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% K( G) h/ v% W4 S: u( x& J/ N4 ?> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% ]% X/ ~5 s/ ?+ ~! n
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( ?8 I5 y7 Z: s) b/ v& U> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& j4 E$ O+ P/ q$ I
> > employment experience.
0 L: u) ?% F$ z$ H4 h. x; b7 d> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* B; q* ~/ h3 K4 V& y& S6 M+ `8 ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 J8 Q' G& ^) N/ V0 V5 p# Y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 h! l$ ^& N) J( \* c6 J> > directed elsewhere.