HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
7 Z* o8 i, m2 D$ K4 I6 \, C> >                     Effective January 2007
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9 H# _, u; p5 y: e> > Dress Code
! R7 W1 P4 T0 v9 N> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed! ]) |; v/ {8 u2 ?$ T6 J
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, ]7 @( E& F$ z7 u7 C: B> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 l  r+ ]1 ^0 [> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ P! v% T8 |1 B: r5 `- ~
> > need a pay raise.
) I' ]  E4 i' d> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage! c- r5 ?4 E3 J1 ?6 t6 ?
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% s$ v1 j* G; o) v2 S
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 Q6 N( ]# {* k+ d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 `# e, b3 ?3 N2 V2 [3 p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: C( K3 h% C( R# l> > raise.
# t8 C1 K& T( E% J1 l5 b. w> >7 {; f$ c- l9 ?+ h6 k, v
> > Sick Days, S& Y; `$ j2 X! s4 _6 Y8 k5 n- ?+ [, k
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as7 n% M5 N& ], Y  t# D! u
> > proof of sickness.' d$ Q  @5 d4 q% J, r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% G" W) [! e3 k2 K1 c; c) Y> > to come to work.
& }8 W6 \) r% v1 E> >
9 A- O( n( [% k) _' n> > Holiday Days, i) x$ x- u  p% i+ g- Y5 C# m
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a' w  {$ s1 \6 v8 t5 s) d
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) f; N1 L2 [: S) H7 U
> >- J8 l3 m/ F* E. x6 S3 v' b* ~
> > Compassionate Leave
# S7 f% O3 {/ ~5 {& v, s> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ z$ R) u8 D5 @; Y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- A$ W5 f3 b" W7 D: S' h
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. s" O% W# O9 c* r6 A> > employees attend to the arrangements.
  ~( @! J% C6 R: R> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* Q2 @$ i* B4 B6 H- [' {& U0 w
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 M" k( J( Z  D8 h5 W; }& {: k9 Z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- H) q! A2 g& P3 B1 g
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( ], b6 {/ O6 `9 J; R- W2 S) O" {> > hour early.# J4 y* G1 p$ {2 x
> >
0 n- k- p( N- r5 I> > Toilet Use# ?# D5 }* e% K; K% s) u: I
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 F- P2 B0 {" U5 N3 j' O' _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* e! k* Y0 Z' ?& Q% ?3 H3 l+ e* c$ `> > in the cubicles.
3 V0 i+ J& C8 ]: @0 J0 }. N> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' ]$ v1 j' ~* k6 R4 R+ C
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 q% d9 M, d* w# m. Z! `/ P
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) E& u& D5 V" Z( M6 R% V+ [0 r
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 c% o0 j: F' T# J
> > posted on the company notice board under the
. X2 `' j* A) Y6 h7 l  s7 T> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' A& M( o4 _5 V2 t/ M, ^% f* F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) D; c/ e5 Y$ K1 @. O( B
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 R8 {' a, l$ P
> > policy.( E9 k1 l( P, U* q
> >
) y" w. t5 C8 e  _& H* O4 M  u  G8 J> > Lunch Break$ \2 f3 P3 ]3 q! M7 k1 o) s
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 D! g3 `3 a: Z  J) t* c. o- g. N
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 x) @+ K+ i8 \* h0 G> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ x* R: u+ Q  d> > maintain their average figure.8 N6 t+ p0 T1 B* p3 K: i
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time. k+ A' ?7 y! T9 q" }- @9 x
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% |: _" [5 K* R( J> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* A0 ?1 d) x$ Z" \& e* P5 F) X; m
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 I  `! S* o6 B
> > employment experience.
7 \( r9 r- f; v( }" n3 {5 V> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) P6 L$ g* c0 E/ h! P> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ t# b; V8 N# [1 |; X$ V> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 a  e- M. C4 U$ ^2 t9 S. u> > directed elsewhere.