HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; ]! y$ Z- W8 ?' O
> >                     Effective January 2007
* X' L7 w4 ^/ M/ v> >
( w) l, ~# n' q8 G  k4 E> > Dress Code8 \; S" P" x  ?" q& F
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed6 y) ~+ l$ S8 X% L
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing- C- A' d& F  ?( r
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. O! P+ T$ \9 x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. D& N5 O& w5 ~& y4 {" o
> > need a pay raise.* H* `$ u3 j% b( m  D
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 h' s# P$ q. D
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, r7 L5 r% Z% o7 {; f; ~( S8 y3 u> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% q& v0 A$ e# t2 L
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; M$ [. e: @" ?3 U0 H
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  d7 y8 i! {" v
> > raise.1 ?: n' ^3 W: Q  Z. i
> >
8 s  d4 d4 a8 w$ b> > Sick Days
6 J6 B% J. G( A5 c> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( ?; w5 v9 A1 X5 }1 ]! d
> > proof of sickness./ c' |$ }: G- m" y- d  R
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 ~* P& N7 p6 e- r' p' Z
> > to come to work.
0 n( }' X3 E8 I1 ?' a6 v> >
, o' b1 V# v3 A! e8 T+ g> > Holiday Days
- H) x3 I4 ]" \3 v> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( N+ L. P; n; }: _3 R
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! a! L2 ]% C! Q4 N' c
> >
% g/ ]' C4 P4 a1 n3 q) ?> > Compassionate Leave& D2 j8 I9 g1 s" k/ f
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. {, }  V- w+ _5 d1 N% @7 e# f> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& m/ P) |0 |/ Z, K> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; }. O( x9 Y0 t( x5 a" e  A
> > employees attend to the arrangements.: W& V$ j, g- K: M6 _
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 S& M  V4 W4 d! h
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the* G$ p/ E! d8 }) {4 r% Q! Q! o" a" k
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( p$ I' \' l4 Y9 E7 k6 R; n> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. J# w' E. _/ q& F, ]> > hour early.% U( R! P" e, W* d. m. a
> >
: a0 r5 w( Y6 i* J" x' @. L> > Toilet Use9 Y4 @8 n' b) E9 Q9 x8 e2 F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 P* X) E( Q/ j7 |5 U& y. y( B7 j
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, f+ \- ]1 |+ T: W* g( X# a
> > in the cubicles.4 h; e4 S/ w9 D
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will( [7 z/ E8 x4 K
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 ]9 q9 t) T/ m
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 G; S" [* ^4 A: q' Z% h> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# G( c1 }; w' e& J
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* D# z( B( V1 M/ O# L  F' k/ Y" d> > "Chronic Offenders" category." Z1 Y) c7 I. ]5 F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' R7 ]& j: i9 q* ~& Z0 I" @
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 z6 h) @- d2 I, A+ l% O. h% @5 i9 N) `) z/ i> > policy.& y% L4 c) W  L
> >
+ Z1 ~7 [' n. {. P, f, j> > Lunch Break
; w! H( Q* K% g9 ?3 c$ W- r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 c3 s; F$ h6 N> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 R4 P9 k; m9 @1 }9 n> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 m( [  V# L- X: i
> > maintain their average figure.1 f5 p) T0 t6 r  e# ?; i
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 u2 [- l$ E) w( Z4 m> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  Y1 u+ e; T4 d* G/ t" U# ~0 n
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# |: K9 {7 u. f. {8 V, G+ B
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 f6 c! S! \  _, D
> > employment experience.
2 V& l  q7 ]& h6 Y> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* F) m1 J2 J; N) K& R+ D' }: L, F! z$ Y
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; _' w. [4 u: M8 R( _
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be. N- R( x) l( ?' i' K
> > directed elsewhere.