HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
1 v5 z! \2 z5 o$ x' [+ F- v> >                     Effective January 2007# o1 s& v, y* d
> >
+ j" o$ G# \+ ^> > Dress Code
' h$ e! k9 |9 Y) `: R7 K% _1 A> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 |/ j  r; M8 w> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
0 K, u  o! j/ f/ h7 p6 ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 B5 T4 Q5 x* b; c> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. [$ V+ c" _' k
> > need a pay raise.) @  h: W) N6 o' [5 K
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 N( H( ?1 {2 B: @0 x, S& X5 @> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& B5 ^3 F9 b0 `1 f! G
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ }: c- N' o. N. ^4 z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 y- h% P$ t$ k3 i3 _" R> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 d, S1 B# ?3 R8 x& o8 C> > raise.
: W  M2 x: R7 K, [> >  w5 I" b: U$ f
> > Sick Days
+ i! P3 I) c, e- V> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, W8 C2 t* D3 J/ A, d9 k7 ^
> > proof of sickness.
! Y& G2 w5 B+ l2 p: i, E$ O( e> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. Q2 ?! a" p: j( f" e( {  O  \
> > to come to work.0 X) d4 |! s; s' {
> >( Y/ x) J: W: J
> > Holiday Days  j8 X3 a/ i6 }. ~& x$ o( N9 C
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 a4 Q7 B: \  q; f" n' m1 q. ~) Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 Q# ^2 V8 j9 }8 g5 `! x+ P6 t9 W' C
> >: Q$ F( \; ^+ R+ ~; O& O
> > Compassionate Leave* X- u! W& m& W& [+ E& c
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" ]7 M2 l7 h  M% ^' C
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
+ r1 P$ N/ o+ `" E$ c! h> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, A, s. h+ ~" O$ m6 d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.* H4 w' A; z7 b& X& o; @# J7 z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 j/ T* r* L) K6 g: @! I0 m
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- }* L- x2 z, j$ `> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 v5 U! w( V' U> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! j' d5 X; ]/ h  \; N, o> > hour early.8 [2 r( G  {: c8 O3 T5 Z( Y) w8 r6 Q
> >' q' r8 D) U% _8 A. r" H
> > Toilet Use: h* S; f1 y. g
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
, S4 |" s. j) X3 Q! ?! K6 _: r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
  [4 |# B; N6 d8 \6 A# D> > in the cubicles.
% y4 k7 |  ^, W( Y> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ w/ r8 C& @' E) s  k' d
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 \4 Z6 O! |% A$ b> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& o$ w% C* B/ j
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 W/ a4 G8 ]) M/ J: H
> > posted on the company notice board under the
  R9 m! y$ P3 d% }3 g) M+ z$ ~> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
7 u! ~  M( a. t> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, Y" S, C; p2 k( F1 k: H% Z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# T4 T4 j: u7 e* s> > policy.
0 [9 N, n2 D! k; }$ N7 [> >
7 D/ ?3 H" D: f> > Lunch Break" D  C! b: A7 Q  C) o! J* m
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ [0 p0 W  ?5 C8 ?5 E7 v' p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 ^, S9 V+ P, G' c8 Q( Q" J# j> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) j" D  i& P3 e
> > maintain their average figure.
8 p1 i, V4 u5 t  S/ x> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; ~0 c6 K4 Q, A) b# M
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ B& z0 K4 R0 e  S# c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, N6 h7 x- e+ a! u+ y( l1 L3 x1 r# R
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ o3 w3 ]# K; ^3 o: U) K/ R+ j
> > employment experience.
8 c* J! Y$ \' ]* @: Q3 V4 o> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
3 ~1 ?4 J* b* e> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 b; Q0 }  V3 S- ^# Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; \3 S+ T" E% h; m. E4 W
> > directed elsewhere.