HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
# @5 g/ Z; A/ {. S) f9 U# O, U> >                     Effective January 2007* c" V- U2 F9 q7 {) _0 z, G
> >( G" v1 |; j( p
> > Dress Code5 T+ A" `; U: i8 C! S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 i8 z2 E5 q* O+ j4 M: E: S> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing; X2 \) z' h: o
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- i1 V$ a3 J# y: ?6 q: m, v+ c$ z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 R2 S4 s% L  B) i( E0 w
> > need a pay raise.
* A9 `- I$ g6 V% h: x9 W: W( K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" w1 L( j. v  h: h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& a/ h- h4 |: _# F5 d> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 D6 ^* @4 i: I& d9 ]> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" f9 A: N2 G' R4 Y' _> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 Q  k6 C/ i0 G> > raise.5 y! N0 x$ }0 B3 x7 p
> >7 S  c4 U, T. C  b8 s- i
> > Sick Days; N) P3 ]. H0 `0 S
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. _& x' {. J/ L) c) d
> > proof of sickness.4 s) d; C! r+ B0 Z- F
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% G! L1 \' N3 Z> > to come to work.
( X2 H0 F& t  m! m, t6 I> >
& h1 r8 g$ C, L1 Y6 ^& a> > Holiday Days, H9 ]5 B" e. s# g: P  x! \9 l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* r+ I+ H" O) X+ S7 y1 R
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave+ X, d) A. `! j( C( Y' }) P
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 `+ C  R! S4 r( W> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 t6 F4 a4 l# y% K9 |8 q> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( G2 E/ s! Z* G1 i" z3 c> > employees attend to the arrangements.
" }! e) A" K# l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' g# }; H4 G" B% B+ c8 }2 |1 d+ A
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 {1 W% m7 @7 _7 {
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 h+ D# n" |9 x) p; c" i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 z' H0 C- f* R  t) n
> > hour early.# Z  S- p" Q: K$ N3 H4 z( _
> >
0 u1 q0 K+ [/ c1 @6 S> > Toilet Use
4 f0 u4 ^  N" H! U3 m8 I> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& a/ P8 e/ ^% r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 Z. L$ O  j% f2 P0 F> > in the cubicles.
$ d; E9 T( ~% D; i- O) \! p( {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! W6 i0 g/ D8 q# }
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ L9 i( d* F. z0 L( K( q1 V4 \> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' N/ g9 o7 a$ l4 {$ l' d. v8 E4 L
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 `$ N0 U9 S0 \2 |0 [> > posted on the company notice board under the7 u- b2 [0 {1 y) N% |( ~5 k
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; I- P9 t, s+ Z/ g
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 x/ X% K6 o- h' d! `/ |" I> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 r/ D, K- A5 v8 D6 p. H> > policy.
9 h: @* @# D, ?, z) C5 C> >
1 o+ h" x' H* z7 k% W> > Lunch Break
+ v9 ?8 \  x- x- _6 x, a: j> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 C/ x) G7 U9 M# F( u  P6 a0 l/ Z- m> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 B' e2 }& X( H8 p$ d( ?; _3 ^
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, ]1 o, v# K: m" G/ Y2 J* G> > maintain their average figure., O; i; w' }& B* h5 U
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 G* Y4 Q7 g! ]3 z+ \: e9 |6 g> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 D8 x( v! A- N0 t) W  Y9 _> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
) b3 Y3 Q* C1 j; E" ^6 H/ Y( f/ Z8 }! g> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! u* D  i/ ~7 _! L: e) l> > employment experience.
; A$ j2 A1 E7 `' a7 P7 {5 e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. ?5 `- h5 i# Z  H$ X4 e8 M. Y5 w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! \$ Q" v+ X8 X# X0 @1 ~& W
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; x. M; F/ W7 d
> > directed elsewhere.