HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
1 |0 l7 d0 {1 o> >                     Effective January 2007
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9 \# f( v* s9 y+ p4 R6 y> > Dress Code
) I: v# x8 c- g> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% O( b5 \  q% l9 P  B
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 M4 [; c7 y# E> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 w$ p( E1 j/ W  G8 s
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- _4 a5 Q3 C, m" l. r" W" P) R> > need a pay raise.
& e2 B  q9 @) r/ y4 k' ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) h7 o  o# _3 F( r' g8 R9 }3 @3 B> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ J. W6 J% c$ x+ @" l/ [1 V$ L9 o$ _> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 @$ M$ R/ B, B8 k6 }
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 r* l$ h8 `, ]4 r5 I. q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 y( G9 R( z8 D+ K# l4 |
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
- L" u- T( z7 L+ n5 g> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 p. z: N3 b1 u& ^
> > proof of sickness.
) T4 _. ?$ L0 c$ P> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% n- }3 l, p. [$ c+ {
> > to come to work.+ P7 N6 L! X- V0 t
> >1 g1 ^. h* l: t# e. P
> > Holiday Days
3 ~' B) @" |& Z6 x> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" f* [, g+ y7 N9 M2 y/ g( c4 R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
4 x6 B) C$ c$ d> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 Q7 }/ t: ^. f: M* V
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- t6 T+ M  o* k: x0 S
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% o2 |: z  F/ m# K9 g
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. F8 [- n% l9 o1 E/ q1 f" n! d/ X
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; q( t4 S7 o2 R' A
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 ^6 v9 R3 _9 o! v/ L' Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work  j" ^4 \/ |: r) O: [0 M% l+ t
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: R& \8 G" i( i% p9 V- B$ m
> > hour early.6 H9 n* ^4 R! a4 j; B
> >
" o7 Y; j5 Q7 H$ m9 y> > Toilet Use/ F$ `* A, P% O
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 @% F9 w2 b* u- q6 V% Y# K' H
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. a1 {4 [) |7 m+ O) u; w, K) A
> > in the cubicles.( ~/ U* G& q: p/ N+ E" P+ X2 ~
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 v! {& s; w- S4 u
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( a0 o) [; ^; a& e1 c) l
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.  F9 f  m: V* N! x7 T$ L" b
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 P9 h" O# B. i, R2 V> > posted on the company notice board under the7 k' z0 D% R# u
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& W3 X# r0 R$ n1 d0 w2 ^. f* L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 r* I" i8 K  S6 C. M8 e& [# j, O& c> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' f+ ]" G  x$ J! r( z0 n+ E
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break$ r, G, z# A- }- c
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 n" M' r3 `# R2 W> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 i6 _+ i# O" k5 q; O2 F0 W> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ ]5 Z1 l; Z0 H& O1 S
> > maintain their average figure.
' C0 s. H' {6 p* i1 ^4 n- _> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( |% X! i& X' {8 P! z3 H
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
: w1 `6 a* ?: m9 G9 T> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' K* M- Q8 A" c3 I% \! Q> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& \* Z$ e! n% H  V* l. e6 q> > employment experience.* [: V  R1 [/ T+ i  X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,5 R1 S  n3 N- q$ a- K3 A
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. D: o' n( h) Z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 ?* D  {: p1 v$ ~
> > directed elsewhere.