HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* J0 o: Y$ B. e. o
> >                     Effective January 2007) o: Z7 z5 c6 B4 F# U
> >- O* L% }/ L4 m" f
> > Dress Code+ f4 d' [! Y9 |# C0 {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% q2 Z) ^" J+ N+ p% d, ~# u' Y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" C* k1 p$ t+ Q6 b0 f" X) ~
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; D7 B* Q! N, `  S& M9 k$ f
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 a, P4 i! \* d1 r* P; ?> > need a pay raise.
: R, C# h9 c, @+ B& Y, m> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. Z" n0 {2 r, W) H( S' Y, o3 U8 h> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 i; z& t# \  g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# R7 T/ ^% c$ {+ C  g> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: [" `+ Q+ b  l9 y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 L7 e: j( q* [9 `
> > raise.
0 f9 Z0 M' E6 ~2 G6 I5 C> >/ ~% W5 Z3 S/ p
> > Sick Days
' F/ {3 ]% k+ n5 O* K! _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ o  S5 Y2 r% f2 y> > proof of sickness.
. P/ Q% c# T, T. Z# w> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# C5 d; T+ A1 d, }! e0 X" z
> > to come to work.: T2 P& ^' Z( M; F
> >- ^5 R  W/ w' {
> > Holiday Days
3 K* @0 o" {$ l5 T( R% F> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- J6 U, f) P1 T% m# @4 q) s5 n> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
6 N* e  o' x/ p! ?+ n% ~2 Z> >
3 N0 M, |& ^/ G% d9 ~( y/ \( \> > Compassionate Leave
2 K  D6 S. Q5 e> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 v% b( f# X# u
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 r& t4 L, p: l  Y3 u
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! |3 F; F+ U# T/ E$ t  w
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 O4 x7 Z3 ]6 A' \! h# J> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* K- U4 E- T" S& k0 ^> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' k0 a4 b& H/ r! A1 e: e> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 e# Z6 U$ Y9 t6 x& c( P2 K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 a+ ?% y& j6 U$ O1 }> > hour early.6 B# k1 [! I/ r$ b* A4 c0 e  K
> >2 T' G6 z) h, l: O
> > Toilet Use$ Y2 h; @2 ]4 Q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. ~' O; p* \0 u! s$ Y* E# b8 R
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 C! K1 s' M9 e6 P) M
> > in the cubicles.: p! F! ?, ?) b& p# \0 O0 h3 {8 V
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- I+ g: }. B8 R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 L' R/ M' i4 b! U4 D' C> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 u! Y, G7 q; L% m5 e> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 T! v8 D3 n& W" g0 P; k& Q) e9 J! X> > posted on the company notice board under the1 W# Y3 l. C2 C8 g' e/ n7 P3 Z5 }+ F- t
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: K  S2 |, d7 L+ i6 P> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 Y% o9 l& i, m% l- a( j+ f
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 y$ F+ S) x& [2 Q6 J9 r8 M  s
> > policy.
5 W- S! i7 K- l& m  K9 m+ H( u5 l; `- P> >
0 u4 z6 }+ H0 P3 X% g> > Lunch Break' [) i  |+ O# O: O; }
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they: [+ s. j0 d" C# t
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& A7 g; c! J  {& A- s# x> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- p4 O$ g9 F; ]
> > maintain their average figure.
3 X7 ]1 s, T# [) x: a; g# y1 h> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 L3 @7 S# Z2 p8 R7 z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 H; z* D" m% x0 u> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 i# b; J% C# |3 O/ T) C, }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 }- J, u  X( ~# ^4 ^> > employment experience.
2 k0 C! F, h9 ?0 x( x> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 i# H- n  y( d7 g* y! Y- S
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' L& U: K9 o# h/ P- [& R: @$ J> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
4 H8 s9 }( b& i6 v  x8 W3 R> > directed elsewhere.