HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) [; N! R: c1 T, N7 W! O
> >                     Effective January 2007- w0 b7 L; w' q8 c, z& D
> >, m9 m' J4 d. C
> > Dress Code
0 Y" m7 q) S$ K* T6 [# h- D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 T! s7 y* y0 P( a9 {7 X
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 G7 i1 B5 ?/ Q7 _$ }3 l. ?2 D: r> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& i! D9 i  e$ n' G* u3 {7 y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ f1 V$ M& g  z& {- b4 f% ]" o  m0 L
> > need a pay raise.* T4 f% p9 R$ P% c4 f' \
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage: Z5 b. U, s1 ^( R3 l' D
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 m! G1 N* O" j> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 p0 N8 {- U0 K7 {4 X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 B& r; x* [7 C" A
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 U. h8 O1 x. G! w' D; I3 m1 p> > raise.
- x2 J1 N2 a; G> >, B' o: Y$ U4 I1 G  Z" _) Z1 C$ f1 Q
> > Sick Days
$ @0 ?$ |/ C5 K& i$ x7 W3 I. W> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as& H( f# n3 _4 D+ v) x4 O9 v
> > proof of sickness.! E0 }8 D% Q2 O/ N4 K2 W4 `5 S
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 }! Q, u+ ]4 T3 S# l
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days; G( V$ d3 c# x1 o5 B
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ e" B7 u' k+ h/ j" Y" D5 L
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
  o; y1 U7 O4 E; O/ `% |! c  u) x> >
' ?6 C: Q0 s7 |# t* r' {- Q5 O> > Compassionate Leave
- ]1 O4 H8 B! _; W> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 k' n9 @, O: }  |+ L) l> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 d5 @, c7 e7 {; h" _- S9 I" @> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) E* k8 ~5 g; a0 f* |
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 p& L/ w) h4 Z9 v7 s> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: G/ f7 R4 E0 r1 S! t) R( R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ p) ~% }! h( \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ o" t) w# `) E5 f6 G) a
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) Y; o6 v+ W4 L3 @; j- X+ U5 ?
> > hour early.% B1 z$ G0 s/ T% W
> >
& @1 ~2 l/ ]& ~& t, J0 e. Q> > Toilet Use- |# l, W) v# c5 ^! w# l
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 }; }  X# b/ s/ c9 f; C> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ Z2 ]5 N2 U" F/ r4 m$ K
> > in the cubicles.& z% Y7 A0 h. u: P2 b
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
: w* o" u5 |9 Y! ~9 M> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 C: j# u; p7 G8 X) x> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 W# |# {6 ^% V: C" O
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! e1 I# x) e8 g3 [> > posted on the company notice board under the! o9 T2 G# j; H8 r8 W& Z( \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. d; A! E: n! {4 H$ [9 c> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 n, |% Q6 }2 k. Z  c> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ B* ~2 ^; |% B% h3 ~6 C; p: F* J
> > policy., J" g% p0 _8 s0 C  L( j& X
> >0 \8 g' g. y( f& O& a/ T% |
> > Lunch Break+ h8 N6 Y8 ^' `/ ?/ n- I
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they. V* J: u; F* O( W! }1 S
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; Z4 N- x" p7 h+ R) k> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; m6 ]( [2 H( z! Y. F0 C> > maintain their average figure.3 Y8 _6 a) ?" F$ G' Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: k! @' I; s, `$ H5 E( v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
4 F' M' z: X0 |* Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) N% S) u4 L, i2 e/ ?& ^& k1 I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 S" I  o( w' D* T> > employment experience.0 G2 M- Q; E0 v+ C, N
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,  J3 ~, P$ i3 F% T; e0 _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 i+ T7 S% d5 o+ H( O' {
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be. [1 S) X8 E+ i1 s5 y5 j
> > directed elsewhere.