HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:0 F( M9 t" Y% v( v
> >                     Effective January 2007
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) A  A' I% x: q4 F> > Dress Code
7 i5 ?$ Q2 _" c* Q5 l' {> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 \7 t- n2 X- Q$ s# f% z( P1 ~> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' l/ R5 p8 {( k7 F4 P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" f, o' L8 b; f! H> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, r- C$ [) b! H/ H4 J0 B> > need a pay raise.: \* P3 L% R$ G
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, l3 f- n! D4 ^3 M, u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 J6 E8 J8 U7 L( }4 m6 g+ J' n> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 D  y) R1 l: }4 {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
1 S9 w+ n; a' T$ ~( U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 K7 _- P' F  N# o> > raise.
$ W( z4 \8 O- ]> >
/ g6 G7 ~2 [$ {> > Sick Days1 J( [% }0 M# K# d% s
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ R1 H3 k* z% [- \; o, f> > proof of sickness.
9 X) G# x! k/ d5 R5 Z) h> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ P: }) ]" e% B! n5 o. l7 R> > to come to work.4 W0 m" M5 y' f; d  k
> >
) ^9 t4 q" L7 I' v/ Y! z5 _> > Holiday Days0 f7 [5 s/ b+ F5 O5 S
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 T' R' |; y/ D8 M. s2 p
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
7 i! p/ I2 ~8 z9 [> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- ~( a+ D7 B2 H0 |6 k* C. J3 g
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  S# f7 n) O5 L4 K+ }
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' ?' p7 ]+ u9 Y- x7 q! w> > employees attend to the arrangements.
9 P) G+ u* i2 u+ G7 }- ^% p> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ V7 f/ m; u- A! d, I, D1 w> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" J, A) Y% d$ n6 n8 W3 @5 C" Z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 J2 F- w, J2 d+ k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 a$ K/ E6 w6 n; @: K. n$ Z> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
8 ~0 V$ z0 ^. y1 e% D7 u: m7 i> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 R0 h/ E5 u$ M4 w; @4 e
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 b' u% {0 R, s> > in the cubicles.
+ }, X: O$ F' q2 h5 _> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) \: {5 Q* @" A5 n1 s
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) r5 z8 H# m  \" T$ |% @> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 x! U9 P# }" _> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 w2 z1 U  F9 a> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 ?% d6 Y! [# }% @  ^> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
2 W4 ]3 s9 U! M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 s: q" _) w4 @; P" O- o
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& R+ I+ Q/ o  m1 H8 y" z
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break( h2 \: E. ?/ d5 [; P4 ]
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 U# {# z  |1 }! @# X6 e> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 @7 n1 ^: P& D- P8 ~0 f% H
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ \0 w5 ?; H# f3 F- I> > maintain their average figure.
# e, r6 _4 V% `' M, ?9 p/ }$ ~> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 S+ P3 n' ~. m; q: r0 H
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# l: N- j9 i: c% q* O" x5 n! U> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 C3 {( a$ V4 C4 T
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. Z* S2 u, P+ r$ q: O0 I
> > employment experience.
( n, x( N, s4 O- h! t0 ?7 x3 w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 O% n/ r. q2 ~* m  C
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 U! o5 O, b: Y. E) H; P2 ?> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" w9 I& S# i7 F1 S+ G1 }1 Y8 u* }> > directed elsewhere.