HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
* {8 V8 E& u1 N  k9 o1 L> >                     Effective January 20074 Y. {) S9 S# h7 M
> >
  k6 e0 y; C. _; i' X> > Dress Code
% O$ @+ X+ B' Z> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) Z& R6 }& X7 J" w# X1 _0 Q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 a9 q8 M) N0 h> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( ]' a  z. n, B* h& p/ z/ j- q
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 K$ w5 S3 o' ?) h> > need a pay raise.
7 g# M) C- b/ h8 r2 m9 {0 P# m; u4 l> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage; ~# {+ q/ k1 o. W# E- H
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ P4 T% U1 B) e' \2 X9 x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 k" N/ I2 e! T/ Q> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# o/ \, x2 ?$ J7 _> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" m* |. l+ d# p( t  G> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
# L  Z2 c3 Q9 U> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 K3 T- D! J8 F% S, d$ S> > proof of sickness.
: g$ m( O! \, s8 M* ?' q, f> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- a% I& [4 y4 U! m9 U  p> > to come to work.
8 [  F- t. H: ^! x7 z* m> >
0 t2 I) H2 _' }" }9 `> > Holiday Days
8 M6 \, E  x2 p> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
5 |) j2 d( }: d> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: C/ u; [/ Z" L3 z
> >( G" L* V% O0 T6 q- O
> > Compassionate Leave9 H* p* A8 A( A# C" j, S2 b
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing( N* d, \( p- U
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& Q/ a' C8 O$ N3 R  S- k/ B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! }  y7 Y: e5 t5 e9 ^$ ~+ H. j' H
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
  \5 n/ l! t+ a> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 f- h- ~6 M- x9 s% b/ {4 i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ g4 v3 n% n& O  J* E  m
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 K$ P' d& ]. X) l; O, {- \* J9 ?0 `
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ ^0 D$ j- t  D4 Q
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
, t* I+ [9 u8 b7 n8 }, e> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 a2 a8 B* i' k5 O! g7 F3 w7 y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit" p( {3 E0 ^* e8 k, I" |; N
> > in the cubicles.
5 s  T4 c% E" J5 R; l6 x. Q: {' {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) b' S% H+ a9 `- c) R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 Z0 t; ]' N* ^6 N> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 A/ a' G% P6 M3 Z/ C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
/ J3 U( w& o8 R> > posted on the company notice board under the
" G& [- p& Z) Q" M* p+ V> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, ~9 D- X) ?! r> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" G& ~( L& p( T
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- {1 F; V% _+ n) k& A
> > policy.7 W6 i% {& m$ M; R
> >/ G: h1 R9 U: s3 {( \/ n% o1 d2 }1 y
> > Lunch Break  X/ ]" m0 `' e4 b: [  n- g! U$ N) e
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, x5 A* @: P  _) v% h% m> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( J; N5 O- C* M# {+ _9 Z7 E) z/ U> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. v) T5 K6 q9 d# [1 h
> > maintain their average figure.. N, Q2 `& D$ r& M% k0 n. N6 F% z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& r2 M, C/ ~4 `4 u> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 B8 F4 O' J  i4 m  p1 U
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: ]' I% O( F4 D> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ Q$ {  B& E5 e, }
> > employment experience.
8 l; O+ s+ ?" B1 Z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 s9 L9 i( k# `: o2 s% u3 J
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 \% B, p- U  r- o1 j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
  k1 {: M& H. c> > directed elsewhere.