HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
2 y9 m9 J  ?' S> >                     Effective January 20078 ?6 t+ V% V" b  C( C! t
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> > Dress Code1 s& Q. \0 y9 X: J
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ n0 k3 ?4 w( n2 Y, U- c> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, m( n0 l. k* A2 d$ R2 @' G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 @1 \) o7 \7 f8 S; s
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- E+ g& b3 Y+ l- Q1 D/ K/ [; A8 l> > need a pay raise.
" Q- Q/ l3 T; U# ?" D2 i3 K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 f7 L3 N/ d) y7 Q1 f% T" K4 C, D: J
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( K2 |# F7 C1 L0 H
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: l2 N" E% R0 Z9 W: g1 g3 t
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& P' X& a/ n5 M, X' b5 O/ [> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 Y) t( O! @9 d, H/ p4 [( |6 ~' D
> > raise.
: I. V3 w) A! Q  l) {. @4 L8 D> >
7 |, {' J3 C7 o> > Sick Days
8 r2 C4 m3 @8 w! ~& ?. p> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 ~: |1 S  U1 a4 h; @# T
> > proof of sickness.1 @$ M& J7 b7 J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 E% s7 c+ I( Y8 g9 C3 L> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
+ w* w1 p4 C; C> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& R3 N9 {; R+ r9 D
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave& w& ]/ K. K  O) ~  }, e
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 T* E" L* F+ V2 b9 ?, a8 n5 S> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 q  J* Z! g0 r% s  ~0 J' v+ Q, t( X! }
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  C" {: A( s! R3 ?2 a+ J
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. `1 O% Y+ o% h3 Q6 E" E> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% m' [( p, |" C& h4 ?  e> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' x) O/ Q1 o' `/ ^9 Y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 n9 a% Y$ @& W2 J: H! x. c
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  S* S, {! D2 P: O( c% `> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
2 H+ R1 c" q$ L6 ]> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 @+ E, P" m# A5 }1 ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 U8 K- J/ t& ]" W/ p, H
> > in the cubicles.
$ K% x+ A" Q( _8 L0 |$ t  b! Q> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will; u( I1 U( T% p9 B
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle+ R- l; t( j7 S
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 q' @$ w1 [1 w/ ?
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" G, d0 K1 p% T8 I. K; V
> > posted on the company notice board under the& P8 B  A. F2 A, V9 s. X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# Q: D' |, O, i* L* x  v( I$ M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 S: ~) y/ a4 z6 Z" L4 c9 ~8 |
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 w8 a' w  D# N5 h! C> > policy.
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  N/ l! c6 f4 P5 ?- p> > Lunch Break4 O2 K/ e+ o3 x6 G1 B: L- F, k
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  s( {% ]8 N$ D+ E* t4 K- B> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 }  C2 L" g  `# K8 e> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 ?  {7 Y0 P) A. c& R, U; ?. V
> > maintain their average figure.+ Q* q) W$ @$ t2 l& H# \
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; g7 Z, }9 @  R% V$ A/ ~* _> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 f3 r7 |$ Q8 u, ]& a, P> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 D4 I4 @! O% |, H( E; q, n9 ]> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 }, E8 ~0 ^7 K" |% C; G1 l> > employment experience.
7 W6 M% j8 C. f7 }# i8 S> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 N% |; u2 l* W6 p9 H> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
: _; B0 {3 R: o( f5 h! K. h, o* G> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% |& o* B+ a3 ~6 k% C9 X6 T> > directed elsewhere.