HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
0 Y% B" e( N9 I$ H> >                     Effective January 2007( h7 E% [8 i* L3 b4 l
> ># `& ?- z  x1 c* I  z: h
> > Dress Code
& H5 P1 |! h4 i5 w! ?  i0 k> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
0 X0 ?4 Y8 A2 X9 {> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: [0 q% n) ~* g* ]! w* Y( m> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; G6 s" |1 ~) }1 m" m& I* {: ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 R  m& N  A, w% V; Q
> > need a pay raise.
) ^0 t! `! C0 I) z: I6 r: c5 W> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 D, t; i' W: N$ c2 Q# S2 l% V> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& Y' k% q: h1 `+ N: W
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! U) i5 V0 q! V5 F/ c* U6 ], Q/ w6 P$ z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) s0 Q5 [1 a: h% U5 [9 o+ B) [" E! s
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) L9 V( y: w; I* i2 A
> > raise.
7 y8 X) k! J3 K2 z6 f> >
9 f. |$ b) r& [# s. Z) h- [> > Sick Days
0 P( W+ F% l, L. N> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ S# T, f. f6 T7 u> > proof of sickness.6 z; C. h, ]0 j6 H) b
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2 W/ u# z' E2 E; |3 a0 L3 f6 U
> > to come to work.
" L- E* M. j7 a% M, Y4 k> >
2 _$ L4 l( N: q6 h$ {. t2 L> > Holiday Days% h+ o) B( \! f9 ?/ G7 Z) \
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" b" f, `. Q0 C( Z: ?1 r> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 d" u! u# J! K
> >
- z$ `) |# m$ @; M: @> > Compassionate Leave
* |, h# h( S) z2 L> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ s% s* r' s; W0 f5 [
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ |! n% q/ U" \0 B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; \* H4 M! k# i* m( z2 R  c- y0 q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 }5 P! C1 `0 u, c> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 E: z% O) ?" Q. Y> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 Z5 h9 s; J  l6 |% a> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& v' C) N4 X& a" G& d4 B; m
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! i/ O% H1 j- H% ~! O( q$ R2 [5 C
> > hour early.
1 f9 F) T5 }; E6 M3 h5 b# q/ f> >
% {( S3 C1 n. ^& v9 H) Z" z; {9 ]" C> > Toilet Use  \" a7 r; V0 \! d& L
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, |) }8 C( ?+ ?: H* Q
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ H* H, w& B, J7 K2 u
> > in the cubicles.
" @  m+ u4 V7 {0 V> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ v2 N3 p2 J" w' t" I* ?5 r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* k; g$ T6 n9 Y/ v- z; t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 N$ o( {7 g* K4 G# o> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
  Y+ U* Y: L# ?; N> > posted on the company notice board under the
# C$ e. B1 p4 C/ e' h; u  S4 K" ^> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 G1 z# Q* e% M) b! K> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
( l6 T* {( j- P( W> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
* N1 `; J1 a" q' q& q: p> > policy.
6 h" O% y, V$ X# P/ L5 x) z> >3 w- R) E- t3 s8 q( p& O
> > Lunch Break
. r) \6 H4 q, z; I, P1 h9 J; a: W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  e4 V8 O3 U0 m7 m0 D0 K) `> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
' O& ^/ M' N3 v* A3 f. L> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& z+ @% W+ R4 v2 W( E$ m" C) ]> > maintain their average figure." D0 \. R, b# Z6 c# ]/ V8 r
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 k- t" l" @  [0 ?7 E# v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) P. Q; A! H3 J* C( ?> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 A4 H  n- G- W! ~5 r) P# Y: Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive: b+ X+ F8 [9 {" I
> > employment experience.  u; N- x, [/ I- t
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
( }1 M2 S, i2 p! o- ~: F$ S  b> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* M2 f0 p* O2 _4 d4 n> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% N- Z9 z8 i# }
> > directed elsewhere.