HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
/ A3 O0 x2 V+ p7 w8 N$ [( M2 Y> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
1 M; o# Y( T8 ?# p. s" h' n> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( \+ K, T, Y) e. J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( ?4 \* B9 N4 v/ ~& ?9 J  `- X> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 p# J$ o& w: L( A) k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& K5 W+ `5 s3 q7 V2 w> > need a pay raise.
/ b: u: E& u8 s. u+ `3 G8 Y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# _' D0 e8 t6 Q7 x( _& D9 R# ]* ^* V. C> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& e8 \9 w9 d6 _2 w( h
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ X$ g' Z" o) o0 ^# h$ k7 [
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 ^+ L1 |- r8 t2 G" ?( Q6 m1 \> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& d! N. y3 p% e( a9 m3 w
> > raise.+ G5 g4 p7 V/ S) m7 L
> >
+ W' H8 E- f" E> > Sick Days
# {0 f" ~5 k( P  ~: p2 l> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 b2 f5 k9 {3 x$ b5 m5 z) n$ u> > proof of sickness.; @) w6 y' ?5 g3 F3 ^  g) C- U
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( P( Y: `* R! j' ~0 w> > to come to work.. A. ?6 m& Y' W
> >
# t* Q/ n2 O+ H4 z. ]> > Holiday Days
9 H0 |- S: P1 [8 n2 k4 R/ M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ [( c; D7 P# P' ^, G5 x" }
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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2 ~& |2 X7 O8 `: {" E> > Compassionate Leave
5 [; J" v5 n. x  ?- j) r> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 T% _+ c5 n& |
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ q5 K1 Q  e5 ~' j+ G4 Y" U3 J> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, p5 D2 g7 {. h" T$ n
> > employees attend to the arrangements.  I# p: T# U( Y9 S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 r6 `9 D  U2 ?> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. C" d* c1 p( n$ R( c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- }# ~. O# D  _0 ?! {- i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, S  _* u7 F) z0 o, E> > hour early.7 n/ Z! f6 h6 z# s' i" k( F
> >
$ i% w, \( F7 ^) k: |& V> > Toilet Use/ C4 s4 H) j* E* \- h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 I7 U" E9 u5 D6 g5 d# |+ T> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
- B% n% o% H+ c, ~) C5 X& W> > in the cubicles.
: A$ r5 ]2 l% C8 S" I> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! J! `4 I2 Z: G3 ?+ u" ?) |
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  O2 Q5 l1 v4 r> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, k. t  J6 k2 l. _* Q9 c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( f; E' a' V- G) r> > posted on the company notice board under the
% k* @# w$ X, S) R! B) v> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
9 |, \  _( N, i+ H, T& f/ W> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 }9 i. o+ H3 D2 z" j. b5 |4 P# M& ~
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: y5 M* u8 G- `- `/ D> > policy./ |: n& A( [  H
> ># I  R, o( m/ m5 N) D0 q# F
> > Lunch Break
+ y: H6 o% ?6 n( {% M) S1 _> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 L: A2 ~" \1 |% ^> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
" X1 H; R  Q! P* d0 T! n> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 m; V- d4 q# v( Y% z2 y2 b% q* q/ h
> > maintain their average figure.
3 |6 j: e1 M! u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 k( `' F2 ~( ]& J0 V5 M> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# d) R; Y$ s, k# Z1 N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' D8 f( u3 v0 c> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 E* A6 m1 ^% r* N
> > employment experience.
9 b# b& F' r0 k6 L" e$ _> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! \. B: f# r& c' a> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 L$ i! ?% @4 B
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 z3 y- a. t, a  {  ~2 U# p/ T
> > directed elsewhere.