HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
. g% ^: Z  B/ Q: }5 g> >                     Effective January 2007
  p1 \* E. q2 u> >
+ _: l* ~3 f4 S1 V+ B$ M: L> > Dress Code
8 i, I* E  B2 k! V0 h> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: q$ y6 m! @; O> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 [4 ^  T/ m5 }$ E! @2 Z. `7 S: B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 E" d. e5 d# s% B  [4 N; K> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  x' v% _* ?! c! k. y7 t0 f
> > need a pay raise.
0 E) {  f5 S4 K' K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
% M* t1 k" A( w/ d> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer0 [+ z( \! W# K
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. w1 K4 G: p' M. H
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you& @0 Z& Q- n6 {) `  L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay1 [5 I3 O. R6 C( C6 _3 g! A5 C, P
> > raise.
+ k1 M  c. \* J, w> >
% j  U1 Z$ w: n5 v% }, T/ f> > Sick Days
/ {1 |/ F" \; x$ _: V> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! r6 j# b) t* |6 }1 @' n0 e> > proof of sickness.) l# u, |* F+ u, ]
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; C' ]  N6 Z3 g6 w3 a
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days+ r8 H4 R1 r4 c- ]% {
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  B% S- D; b- A& R9 a0 o
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave" W; N4 P4 @6 R8 y% W- h5 K3 S) F( q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 Y& U: ~3 U& P2 \> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. S4 f0 Z: G6 _
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-7 @6 n9 I: e7 L" e
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# P- l. t- f: N* j0 E& z> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ Q$ z- K! u2 p# ?, E% h) Q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- \1 M" r7 L/ ?, M> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 T* n' \3 R* S8 q- `
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 j) z) d/ B  A> > hour early.' x2 l0 ^0 d1 v$ C
> >
  L; G6 H6 U* k9 M3 R4 e& |> > Toilet Use, T" j9 J1 g* {  n
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 a$ ^" {/ z! }5 N> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 P) m8 [4 W* r
> > in the cubicles.; {' |; P8 J. g; s4 h5 J( B
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ c4 \0 T5 s4 n) H1 \# S- j
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 i+ z. s- Y8 J  l. k) O7 I+ y  ?
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* r; o% Y7 M0 @: v# Q7 b/ B6 ?
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; z0 u3 I# x# J/ l8 [. k> > posted on the company notice board under the: L# h, Y9 d# b4 P; x* V2 e
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ l. ~1 m" ~' u+ G, r9 Q, ]1 p
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 I: V2 m, |0 C; O, P> > sanctioned under the company's mental health) k& ^1 r. H$ g5 i) h- P; ^
> > policy.; Y4 ^  K  T, _8 |- F& W8 D* @
> >! c5 B2 N6 p8 U' d
> > Lunch Break: G0 h; ?# u! a6 D' K/ Y- O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 L; x/ B: [. l8 ^7 z: b> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 Q2 v$ q8 }' v; S  A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 |9 m; {; E/ O% ]7 T, Y> > maintain their average figure.7 ~# j/ A4 p  \' d- ^5 A; o# @
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* @: J/ D: O/ @5 Z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.! Q$ i; @. ?4 o3 f9 Y! y/ G
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 [$ N# e3 x- d3 Y5 J9 W
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 f2 |5 i* a! W; H. O
> > employment experience.0 e1 [- Q6 M6 u# Z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) i4 A7 |1 i% t9 e: }0 q$ ]7 n4 Q! t> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* p+ u( r9 B- y& |6 A6 T$ X- U> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 J2 s5 W1 d9 e/ P+ j> > directed elsewhere.