HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" s1 S% c' @" S- V
> >                     Effective January 20070 N1 W& r, M) u, h/ i
> >
- ~. o0 i. V" ^1 w! A8 u- p0 ~: |3 x> > Dress Code
" v" X1 i* X: H$ P6 s  @> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 \1 z# `$ z3 F7 g/ q  g2 [1 E/ r
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! Z& U1 I6 v! s1 V9 T; P
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 A& z( M% G6 N0 c4 u> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& A- {8 ?: X/ t% r: E9 }
> > need a pay raise.
: k1 I0 ~) j3 u9 V> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: L, D# O4 D- I) d2 h- t7 T> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 k5 n  `9 l6 d+ |$ r3 i/ s> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 t( x3 K; g+ m# g7 {; e9 ^% |> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) |# N7 `) x8 ^' W* Y* _! z) K> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- \( K& N: B% ~1 M3 l8 K5 J
> > raise.0 Y" z6 E8 O) i8 b$ y& d* Y/ N& a
> >7 H& S/ W: l  v' i, H4 Z
> > Sick Days1 Y) @# T2 e0 ]) t$ }. ]# V! ~
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 x5 L' W5 A9 q( v: h/ U
> > proof of sickness.9 C3 \! H+ H. i0 K# M1 ^
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: \/ _$ ^% h8 m& c6 B4 U) F. t
> > to come to work.
# h$ [9 n4 ?* w  z# J3 S> >9 e# m% R4 G4 n/ |' E: j/ c$ ]
> > Holiday Days( y; Z% A9 V6 n; c* p- j2 _7 ~# O
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 e" c" a% W6 G$ {% G> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave9 M) L6 T7 d" b' H( ?/ ?2 i! A
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ f& Q, ?. f: Q8 \4 a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 ?! X" y8 j2 `/ r; B: L> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
, L7 G  c* |$ \' q  Q! s& _. f> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ {8 F( J5 @. D) ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ n, Y. {9 z" M* o! |* R& C8 i> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: n8 {0 b. p/ F> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 @- ^2 ?# t( x0 o/ |) ^
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
& C! v; |. ], H) I> > hour early.
+ H3 C& M, |- j0 P6 Y> >
8 G1 z  @: |% M1 [- q> > Toilet Use
6 `) Z, J6 J1 {! a: ^! [1 c  n/ p> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  F* g5 ?4 X! v4 p: A! P& A> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 I# o- u8 Y+ C3 d
> > in the cubicles.0 q3 V4 b0 m! M5 L( [
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 }2 L  k  L. X* ]& B; T> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 r/ V( @  h% x& Q/ A0 L: j> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." ]+ {1 H% V$ |( m; R  x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be- L* T! Z9 j  T6 K* y+ r
> > posted on the company notice board under the" U; B* i3 D. _1 x9 }# o
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" M8 L" a' a+ Z$ l) E0 U> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# Y6 U& C- V# d% }: m; h$ Q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( ]  x$ C4 z$ X# Y8 c  i
> > policy.
& F9 f, p0 o" b> >
: j8 q5 Q1 g5 t> > Lunch Break
& W8 G- ]- v" \1 ~* R> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 B2 N- P/ |8 u7 r
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 n/ q$ J9 R8 U8 C% ^+ L8 @> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ K0 A2 `* @# V. S+ y" J6 K
> > maintain their average figure.8 i( O7 b7 m7 r: t: q: n
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 m8 _) i( a/ C' w; I# c> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ C! N7 t+ ^0 f) S5 k
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, `7 ^. T" r1 k$ ?# s7 J> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ {5 x3 w" L# S* P( l! r8 x
> > employment experience.* x' A, A. [5 l. K9 V1 o. o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( s3 U( C, i6 P/ m: |8 |; h
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- `0 {' ?" H% s; a# z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 g" \1 Q; f5 H5 @0 y2 Z# G> > directed elsewhere.