HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
4 K" l/ ]) I# a! v, e, |> >                     Effective January 2007
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5 E  v0 A2 u% F& z8 w> > Dress Code+ _* [1 r0 g# o$ @
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, `1 M* j. G( W5 X> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& z3 e/ g# s1 Q# ^5 Q+ w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume+ I) a1 s1 o' a3 D% F
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* r! b+ D% O! g; F* b5 k- Y4 Q0 G> > need a pay raise.$ K' U, B" J: \/ ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 F/ f) n% U  H+ b( W5 ?0 x) E& g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 b( N  E! p5 j. m5 m) z) q> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 @; Y, c7 p$ `) b! ~/ h9 J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
1 n) k# D3 `7 m+ J! {- v4 m. t, ~8 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 t% x- x: u7 u% c3 f
> > raise.
- L4 W/ t. W6 e% o; ]> >$ t- x0 M2 s: Q  n. N: B& f! S
> > Sick Days% I3 g  V4 U- n3 V& y' G: C0 d0 q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; c/ H( a  a, R: D3 x
> > proof of sickness.) i( @5 Q5 m$ x% A' J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" M  y, y6 \: g" A
> > to come to work.6 r& {( b8 p" s, t8 Q- M  F
> >& q- W- ]" r8 q. ?' ]
> > Holiday Days/ f  o7 _6 I1 k" Y1 Q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- H0 A" e' ~) a! C% k  n, s
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 S! J! q5 h9 k, R4 H" o7 s2 A
> >$ @; ]' ]+ f' r) P
> > Compassionate Leave6 f# ]. j4 t! I! S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 R+ c' ]3 O) p  Q6 m8 g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 Y" _) I8 _( d6 ]
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( x0 s0 D) x  e  Q8 V> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& V# j- f$ S$ _. R0 C! N" L- C# A. k: K> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" b4 g) P' B8 x; p- A> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 t; Q% }) A% ~! C. J5 R; o
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 w* ~4 V8 A$ u: \8 e
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
) Y" d( v3 \: V' p) J( I> > hour early.
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! s! _) I& \  H> > Toilet Use  L2 X; Y& V3 L/ u) @8 G
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ W. e' O, A- f0 x# b> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  y! y4 @# c5 s" t3 M
> > in the cubicles.
% M( o- u& |$ W0 f> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 O! h. Y. l* W> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 s* r6 Z3 F5 t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 J# G. k& {" |- i# q- i' y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) C! b1 s& t: e6 h
> > posted on the company notice board under the
: E0 o3 K+ x2 I- ~2 F> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' b8 W/ K0 Y9 b0 Z* K3 U% b% z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; B8 X6 `/ i8 L- n  k" f
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 @: I1 G9 a$ o$ }> > policy.
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+ T+ B8 n7 t. [3 O9 U$ B> > Lunch Break
, }- ^( T4 ^5 D> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* V. {8 I5 d+ \+ Q3 q) l. n5 `; |, T> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
3 y9 U: [1 w/ H& L( b% t! u> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& [7 n7 ?% {9 u; W" j> > maintain their average figure.
. @) z. u5 u8 b) e% j/ x> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 s$ q8 n3 ^: H( p7 w$ P
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% B# j+ K6 I& Q8 Q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. T' p( \2 H/ L. V4 @3 `) w> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ L: m) w: w3 p" R) M" \
> > employment experience.. G5 D$ Q$ Q$ \/ [; _5 O2 Q% g
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 n' o+ n+ o4 j- N" C> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( j% Q$ m: y$ h0 n3 j7 \6 R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' V" B4 A8 S6 J! Q/ K* B& s- `> > directed elsewhere.