HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:5 s7 A# d  `! f) q* j9 `
> >                     Effective January 2007) {) x1 M5 a0 `9 t
> >+ F/ ^" j/ j( O9 k
> > Dress Code% c6 n4 G5 A& I* M! `1 ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, w; n/ t; t& S' `0 B: ^5 B> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# [- E* _! D+ c: i7 j0 C) ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 s. I0 e$ V9 b& d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: V, ^$ A# d8 _  ~) ]" u8 P> > need a pay raise.
, U  @9 N/ l1 K& h> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 f8 Y9 W! g* W5 e4 `6 O> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" X8 [6 F% l' }8 W+ V, U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ x1 E9 w& T9 V7 k4 D/ G
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. Z! _7 @) t' x! ?+ o; i- t
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  m- ~+ o' F: {! [7 v
> > raise.9 K$ z9 l3 q7 A' x+ @$ |
> >
# t* C% s+ M- }2 w- {+ X> > Sick Days
4 O8 E, h2 ]; ^' Y0 t0 B> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 M* B1 V4 M. ^3 C, }/ B% H
> > proof of sickness.5 R! _; C" O2 V+ r( H' v& z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" ~, Y* x6 r# `. X  \. A> > to come to work.- \& M! l- [) F% C( L
> >
+ q  R, U9 j! v; J8 R7 ]- A4 W> > Holiday Days
8 E' a" t2 ?$ J8 [* s, x> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
' d3 _: F+ R5 h0 F; h> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 U/ V1 B1 w0 N( |: ?& e
> >' M% V, n) E6 A& W
> > Compassionate Leave1 l: p7 t7 [" g2 {9 Q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, ^; D4 L( A6 a. @; g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- {* y. ~: ^6 Q& z4 [% T0 S3 q7 Z8 n
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 T6 b5 q( b* L+ J/ q5 n> > employees attend to the arrangements.& V) J5 Q$ p" m+ _" |! s
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* ?4 ?4 _& g1 s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% q# I( P% M# Q8 j, Q3 b. _! l
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
# h$ w# M# x6 `1 Y6 v> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one/ ]% @8 [; E3 @$ y2 ?
> > hour early.
+ M/ R, [" W+ P; Q& e! e% w9 p1 D5 B* ]> >
0 ~9 d5 T% }  ?! K> > Toilet Use$ `/ }4 G$ \4 Z! L7 ^
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- a* c, K) F5 d6 }$ R
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ e0 P7 o2 j/ T> > in the cubicles.
/ @6 k, l* h4 a3 z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! q# `5 ]1 P  ~4 j5 S  D1 Y> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 N! r3 B  o! @7 N" ^' J3 b- g6 Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 Z  ]5 k) c% ^) i3 a> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
" D9 e1 O, |2 {  O5 \2 ~: k> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 l% r2 P/ d& j- j> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 q& I; i2 _' S7 s  ~- B> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 C& S3 z% a$ z1 B; f; ^3 f; P
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 F' c$ M3 \8 N1 e> > policy.0 m' O7 J& v8 o5 U1 L3 s
> >
% @. |9 u6 G+ f; y/ V; J> > Lunch Break
" ^# w6 j4 j1 k3 E% t5 Z2 H* H> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ _7 E9 e% `$ t: q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* g; N0 d9 a3 O8 P6 L' Y4 C> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ B$ F$ `/ }& ]5 I
> > maintain their average figure.5 ^2 F* K& u, i0 e( e1 m1 n7 m
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time  ]6 x7 m# S4 u: B) B- W
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 @! B  i% P" e' _2 F2 G  a% Z0 G( D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
$ m; l3 a! W# r. v/ @7 i> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; z& {  _5 }2 x5 C
> > employment experience.
# e: @) L* F  H# Z; T> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ p* B$ E+ \7 t2 d( H
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 o0 N+ c4 n" B% T
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, B$ C! X* j' y7 r: g
> > directed elsewhere.