HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" a. t! k6 G6 s, R4 y; L$ i3 H
> >                     Effective January 20072 ?; Q( M$ B" [2 Z) S
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> > Dress Code4 g" j1 X, g9 p4 J  M2 q' y4 z4 N
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% ~( Z8 h* |* V% o+ R
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: g& v) ?: Q& S0 W
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! e8 ~2 U5 N# O> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 ~- ~! @% l' \0 z1 b2 D, v' {
> > need a pay raise.
8 T2 J' e. H% p9 B. J) v$ p" W> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 e5 L# G% P  {) L% S1 o9 u, j> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( ~/ h3 g" ?# r& A1 X> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.) K! o0 Q$ s$ |$ T
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! ?% C+ j5 G1 ^
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 D' N1 c- M  U. N> > raise.
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' t1 T1 I& ~' v* ?. a6 t> > Sick Days8 g1 J  L0 F& x  e- ^
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: i7 K4 H/ ?' b1 k4 E0 U
> > proof of sickness.- W2 p- h- ^1 I) G" q+ h0 W
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 q- v4 Z* l" j4 @. y% y: q/ F# ~0 @
> > to come to work.) F$ A" M+ }, w' D# e5 t
> >
" C% i' L" D' v6 C7 a4 K5 s0 H# K! T> > Holiday Days$ t( k! y- s  {
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 f5 `2 t" U' x8 J$ U% l& n" V6 v
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.4 I! ]/ k" ~) F6 @
> >
$ h. A/ O% w$ d$ \4 _> > Compassionate Leave( U( J6 G4 c6 K& q& x- B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* b( T. c8 r5 c/ W8 c: p> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ O1 E" m! Z4 |' _  }/ ~2 i# H> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 {1 i% T0 S5 T% `# G' I> > employees attend to the arrangements.( z* L# W& O& S; _
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is. P7 b6 W8 ]5 a+ A
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: g9 c5 a( b# N> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* @1 C- S! [( a0 e; x2 r> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: R2 l$ ?) X" A$ A  K/ O. E. o
> > hour early.
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8 |4 P, K& z9 k% k' t( N> > Toilet Use( {) @: e" `9 q5 |: A; N7 y
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ t+ W$ Z! q9 s. Q! V/ ]: X
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: X: y2 S: D3 n! Q; Z% b
> > in the cubicles.
* r/ U% x! T) V> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 O  c  k+ J$ Z2 z( k- l. G> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 o4 i/ V# Z: a! g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." w9 w* A; a2 P! R0 @
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) D" a5 T* x( f4 {> > posted on the company notice board under the9 }6 u; C' T% d2 S' I* p% D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 ^" y, Q( l1 h) y4 A! r; N
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; d9 W" Y) s! B7 Z6 \' x- G
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 x4 }; o+ P  u> > policy.1 y. R/ f& V' ^
> >3 a4 m" y7 ]; a" F. ?; L. \  Y
> > Lunch Break
* D6 p  Z. X) N' j> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 l3 ~# `* K7 L( R4 W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 X$ @$ f; S9 R3 C+ |; \. j* p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, g6 k! G! n6 G# C* Y
> > maintain their average figure.
7 D/ L' b" k: W2 J6 j> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& @* S; R9 n4 P! [0 ^2 A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 M/ M  T, G1 Y' c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 Y$ H7 m- ~- j3 g
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, S1 T$ g- l' Y" {: ]" Y3 p3 `5 o
> > employment experience.5 W9 n. B1 d7 [: G
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 l3 y! z' p* R; U4 D> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* P. D1 q5 _/ G3 @/ j3 V> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be0 C% L) X5 S4 |: T0 ?1 E9 n. o
> > directed elsewhere.