HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 J4 `, \7 K& k' u> >                     Effective January 2007" e( ^( X+ i) g: A9 r; f
> >
& g6 r( H" e$ h4 P% T# g- Z' W# S> > Dress Code
* b6 m1 b+ v# ]> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* S" M/ H% [. V) G$ F: B4 u
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, p5 C& C7 w/ D) h6 u> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 V# Z! c$ |+ v) g; J+ u
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( n9 v7 o3 M* r# O( U
> > need a pay raise./ A8 ]  o$ g3 Y$ [# A
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 i& W' n$ ?6 b6 q* f> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 r6 q# ~' H0 |$ F6 |8 l) @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- y0 ^+ `* P  v( K> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 W6 \; m' ^7 j( t1 o
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 F6 ~& N3 M" i- p> > raise.% c/ E2 k2 A7 I  C
> >
9 @. ~  l  J; h) t. H# e. k> > Sick Days" w. I5 k8 n. m, l7 m, T3 o
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as1 z# T$ D$ {' _0 I3 k7 r1 r
> > proof of sickness.
4 g6 X* G0 z% n- j  @; ?> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 W2 T/ O, |; @& [. e2 t
> > to come to work.
% R. N) K1 w% h* a> >
! G* A- c' o) V3 O# [> > Holiday Days
3 `4 Q& w3 j9 a> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 O" s5 I9 q4 x% @, L
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ _5 q  ~( b2 n> ># b5 |4 q' G* w! {- r1 g# V/ C* l
> > Compassionate Leave3 X3 G$ Q; m+ {$ V& |
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, h7 E4 w- s4 K1 I4 R7 N' @4 ]
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% Q* T4 [+ _& x" a
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ x/ g5 P- U' a" ]5 r
> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 d, t) t3 n4 I
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, B9 h5 o5 u5 P2 |' E$ S3 f- j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ X# p7 [  m: J7 z6 P5 [) W
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! G8 W* X8 W3 u6 W- g5 c. I# w
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one9 o* C. P" W0 L* r, e
> > hour early.% d9 P) z: j( E+ m5 C' A1 e+ z
> >
# @2 \) G+ t* A1 y0 r( a> > Toilet Use' E! x3 T0 X- [5 H7 u1 p, M$ |# g5 A
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- ^9 v) S  e3 q4 |, S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! \4 K$ Y1 N! m% Z' D# g> > in the cubicles.! ~  m- x6 v8 _; v6 J; n  H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- @6 F' _  F/ v( |
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 }- u4 w5 i! h& L& K% @; E> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; T! l8 }1 U- ]> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( C& R" e, }, T- A
> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 u' Y2 W8 U* n; |# C> > "Chronic Offenders" category., w3 k9 S. {8 s* @9 F0 ], z$ E
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 \* i% r8 m/ ]4 i> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
4 p9 j" h: b% B/ }> > policy.
1 B) w' Z: _* n: ]3 K> >
. I9 w. n4 v; ?: s5 A0 F! a1 r> > Lunch Break
4 j" e& J9 N0 b3 n6 S- W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. j( r( T0 z& t8 Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( \( T' `  e1 D6 ]( N
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* l5 H) x) R1 w> > maintain their average figure.% q+ o% Z4 L( O
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 x# A! b- E+ M/ s
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* j) R" o. i# q! w( M" W# O> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are& a( T  J& s  Z- j7 {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: d7 F* {  k; D* {> > employment experience.
0 u+ ^0 h& n% J& V# Z% t3 E1 a; c> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% l2 H5 e+ i' f; k: _> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 J) h! d( F+ r3 d4 t> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- J; z7 a% s3 j/ H& K> > directed elsewhere.