HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
! l7 w9 U: H% c+ V/ c5 l* U> >                     Effective January 2007$ X  _4 r0 t% h- u* Q+ ^
> >
) R" F$ b6 s9 R3 Z, B7 _> > Dress Code
1 f$ R$ I( p# y4 ]> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 ]' p: S& K; ^5 k
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# e, W, Z' r. q5 b- u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) w8 V' r/ V! Y6 S; d& `7 v7 D
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  e% Q" ~, @2 A- Q! ^7 v8 a3 a: l) i
> > need a pay raise.+ S! i* e2 D' [; r
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 ]6 V- Q! p" y% {' S0 v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! t$ ?0 X; ~3 m% F. c; Y3 h> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
5 ~9 D6 I' `, p, d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) G. C# M5 N0 z% l
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 p0 A% F! X( N' X
> > raise.7 ?" A5 Q' a. }
> >' y7 M' C0 E+ G  q0 u/ X5 T
> > Sick Days
. B6 {% _7 H, l/ r> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 t! |$ I) {: j
> > proof of sickness.
* P+ u/ {, S5 U4 [2 u' y5 h> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
' N7 I( C+ ]: {> > to come to work.& G: P' Q2 I1 w, D
> >, I9 U  b% \7 R
> > Holiday Days, o$ b7 \. ], F8 `
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
' B6 ~2 v1 y. p: r/ e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! s; F$ H2 G7 p$ v$ Q
> >7 R% ?" m; p, e
> > Compassionate Leave5 R; s2 f7 @( T* m: N% A" Z1 h
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! z- f+ T1 h; j4 F6 [
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
! R2 b/ w2 i8 i9 A& L: u% J> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 C8 S2 |  |5 v7 |1 e8 I. l- \
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
9 t2 A; A5 x$ B* L: J, U> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
2 B8 b6 m! G; S8 g  Y$ k> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 E% C5 A+ Q* \- m% K
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ ~4 m- s  y' V/ q) k1 C# y; l; I9 O3 L4 _
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 y. Y- B3 k$ n: {
> > hour early.
& I9 d. n$ t/ {; I' U! s> >' @! Q0 O& r+ [$ h+ }% r
> > Toilet Use9 Y9 G0 p9 D. {$ r4 U
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 b, {7 j. O/ ~7 H; ^+ w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# _3 b+ u, g" Y> > in the cubicles.
8 b2 m' T/ s8 T; R8 E/ ]> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" t! [% C* O4 q" b2 N3 p) ~! f> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle3 ~" F6 ], \" E
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: T3 g2 \& D3 O2 m$ [* S, Y0 `> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* c% ]' {: Q, E9 F4 u$ }6 j0 P> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 l# @; p' M8 N5 o> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 |9 k4 u/ N8 C' x- Y1 ^
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! t3 z8 \" W+ |# H1 ~
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# y! s+ K: \0 m% `: t> > policy.
. L' y5 s3 e2 H( `> >
& @' `, q4 H1 L$ l* t+ u7 R> > Lunch Break, D7 K- Z0 K1 f- ~
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 G- M+ ^- _) a( g2 o
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: U0 i; ?5 F5 d> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* X" l: ]# Z& n8 i
> > maintain their average figure.
; ?' C- k0 _% n! Q3 \  o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 p/ w- i- h; w
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* v' ]1 H1 |0 [: D) S; K  X5 W> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 A  f4 D9 c0 j4 q8 z9 L> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 a4 M1 V0 N8 N: Z' R6 n
> > employment experience.
' h6 p, y- R: {" b- @- n> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& N: x3 u, D# d' [4 q/ `) }: d
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 Y- ~2 i6 O; x5 ?! @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 h# R3 S3 O( E" B) O' P
> > directed elsewhere.