HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:: y9 B: {) a  y* u1 k: ~: G  t9 e
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code# H! p8 X: [7 O3 }0 \1 Q4 j
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& ?5 Y& l7 T* @8 n0 X4 C7 f' I, N. \
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  ^1 _3 z$ q2 S; ]
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* X: J% C1 k; A+ U6 w5 G> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
  [; K% T5 e  J0 M; j  n> > need a pay raise.: ]5 r5 y- d2 g/ ~
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage; ~( i+ g* b" F3 m
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 B% D1 a$ Z$ W. r2 }$ ^, z9 S> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 q) G% u' t# c9 M: S/ v3 C) R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
+ {- V/ q$ Q" R, G6 L: u' L3 ?. c> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay$ C; m8 b+ V2 N+ b
> > raise.
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4 j/ C" e9 {+ `5 u! g. p& Q> > Sick Days# ~, O' x! ~3 V5 l( \# a0 J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! y" l+ i' l% U4 C4 R
> > proof of sickness.
- |0 ?& o; S4 T- N( C. _> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 b0 G0 I$ ?: q8 K$ h$ W/ m
> > to come to work.
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  L2 N2 i8 i* _; V6 K; D9 Y" ?1 ]> > Holiday Days+ Y) z9 G' f) m( ?' |
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: P; b' n% H! V2 e0 Y) I
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
/ t9 f6 V# q7 B0 x" p> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing6 b2 t# z5 U$ m4 o) O; d
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* Y6 E& G: [$ t> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& e; g; T- m, X> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 r/ y- e$ R: A2 B> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' ?4 p6 v* h1 B8 r% l
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, A2 K% U6 H3 T1 K) Y% j/ E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( b+ Y4 z3 n, C6 L4 J8 V7 R0 e4 \. I3 b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
4 \9 \- }2 C9 E2 U1 O  r> > hour early.
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) j- x8 Q. W9 }( ^- b3 M' g> > Toilet Use
( l" M7 \0 O- o+ ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: `) W( L) {8 T5 D
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
" ~) C+ r' \; }! O. q* D/ T> > in the cubicles.5 R1 i  B/ |$ s) J1 V
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) C; p3 N, @% g" z8 |
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
9 Y) N$ A1 k% c# x6 G2 ?) F+ ~> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 z. E! C1 J7 u4 S! `, B9 l# Z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- |& E$ e! `9 v- ]1 R> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 G: l6 C$ m2 r/ u8 R, c# _> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. g! e& R$ O) a  G: N, S> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 X; M. `* B4 x* X1 t4 B
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) Y7 B9 E) t+ d. l) V# t( N" I> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break5 N1 k- |3 ?2 M1 D4 A6 M. ^/ t2 r
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ i1 u, X3 C: p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: Z% W2 s+ z  T* N1 {
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 L6 L) l) C/ m2 P+ D> > maintain their average figure.* x+ u" ^* _, V- B
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ g# i0 v/ O# |> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' X+ {( l% L" R/ `4 v2 B
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
8 x# `. b! t4 U+ U  R> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, O9 s, \! G5 x9 Z
> > employment experience.9 `; p3 q+ M& r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* d1 o* {# E+ ]% a8 C> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 z( B" V1 H' K
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
+ [! I9 |( B9 C> > directed elsewhere.