HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
* ]( D# b' R( _8 Z$ T& k( G$ ?5 E: s> >                     Effective January 20074 P3 Z$ S5 \* n' ~/ m7 m* X
> >
( l" E* s4 l$ M2 m9 b- o" I> > Dress Code
" T9 f! E. ?) ?8 V, ?% l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& |, \/ q( z' s+ P> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( Q4 B+ }: z! s' ~: h! w> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 W" N6 J' [( {+ e8 r3 I' S
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
. n% y& b7 ]2 k. T> > need a pay raise.' I) J- J! v' [) d+ l" a
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& ]+ t* q7 E3 Y" i  _2 I6 E8 P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
  o# t9 A  S6 C/ f$ c7 C1 `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( e1 k3 E# c2 o: y4 Q. W, z0 S> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. V2 w* w; q; o; J# X> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 w% x/ T9 i+ [
> > raise.
) H; x* M; \' k6 s+ N; w1 d> >
; s0 k- m4 B8 Y> > Sick Days5 q) G( l0 s% V" u* s
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
0 @- ^8 m8 x5 s4 x3 i> > proof of sickness.( i& I$ G6 R4 E5 F9 E1 e
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ T* [1 z+ |$ a- a
> > to come to work.5 \: j7 o: H  u+ J
> >  n2 f2 ?9 g: ^2 e/ I1 c
> > Holiday Days
& M3 H9 m+ o/ w> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: ~, i: s+ n1 Q" {  i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# R+ |: a, x: b  g
> >
" d6 U( G7 C1 Y3 m6 y; h> > Compassionate Leave
- `# D- d, x, z9 K> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ j) r9 w" P; E# N> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-  ~' T. Q, U  @
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-2 K' S! Y! ?( L$ K% A3 c, @
> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 y% o0 h; }; f" g( Q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is/ Z7 C6 s" q7 ^2 \- N) ?/ _1 K1 y* E
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
4 S) ?1 f. r0 o% u& x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# h+ }# U1 z1 y9 V8 C7 O3 z  u7 m
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ l; b* Y; V: E* h4 f1 _& |& K
> > hour early.6 l+ p/ ^0 I7 b, Q" ?1 V
> >; u' i. S' b. E6 U* e* F
> > Toilet Use
1 j! M# S+ M7 M4 V" g> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
. |9 V/ z1 Y! T9 a% v> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! s8 [  F( B5 ^> > in the cubicles.
, x* x' L8 }6 n! m8 H7 i+ O+ c( K$ o1 w6 l4 F> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 b9 h2 B! Y% {& `/ Z  m  K7 b
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle# F  {" J5 s* w/ p! C7 o: {6 G; _
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# n3 p* T% |- a: Q( O6 y; H3 a+ @
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ S* D- L* m* G/ ~) F> > posted on the company notice board under the
" g0 m' P7 r( q( Z; @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- f& Q! ]8 \0 ?; t( o' x3 g% s> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
" [3 ]( y) [0 v> > sanctioned under the company's mental health; x$ ^$ F: f6 n7 P+ D7 `
> > policy.
$ d2 K( t# b6 l% C9 G> >
$ W2 h2 D% B$ E9 n+ l+ g> > Lunch Break, O9 z  F$ @& Z" S- B# n
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& K( J" @# N5 Y) d) F> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
, _, s4 o$ R! u  ~3 L; H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
. {2 \& `$ L$ A$ `- p7 J* z2 c> > maintain their average figure.' g1 W( c) E* U' L9 _' k$ \
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time- E# X# y* |7 s- j
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* F. h0 U- G) j4 u: C% e# U$ L> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* I$ F# w% e4 J$ @5 r: V) T! y, N
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. u2 ~( w5 V; |1 `9 }
> > employment experience.
1 Q" k$ k; j% g" q$ \> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 D: }& Q5 {  u' w6 f> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 D  F1 j4 p" K5 n; n9 V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. Y$ R! K4 s6 q8 a9 T- A1 E8 X> > directed elsewhere.