HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. c9 [+ p/ X7 g. t
> >                     Effective January 2007  \) k5 B8 Z2 o7 P
> >
( M# ]( [9 w$ x* a! `> > Dress Code) y& `6 o  N1 C# r8 u) c& ]# Q- S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 ?* J) g' J, c; \
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing  \% e( h* J# N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 @: Z8 |( h/ B! g* @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& z" ?  x& O1 b5 p; D+ n7 a. f> > need a pay raise.5 G& _' A  Y/ w3 C' j- j
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 v. w% S  T4 i4 ~* z3 D
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% H& g4 h" w+ m4 b6 @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.2 L6 s) A9 O4 R! O9 C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. x9 [9 ]% x9 v
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
+ A7 V# p+ M5 A  @9 L> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
; q& {* T7 X9 l1 ]/ W0 Z- m> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* ]; l& H! ?6 b> > proof of sickness.
9 \7 W" Q: O8 F. B6 n1 m& t8 r7 X) u> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 B  Q/ k2 j+ ^; a: H> > to come to work.
3 y' f# n* P8 S& _7 u6 D5 o4 `> >
/ v9 B! R& [5 a6 F0 \  O3 T. A> > Holiday Days! s% F: y9 e( X0 w
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ l0 D  E- S5 z. g1 P+ n% l7 ~
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave+ E& m$ J$ U% w) D6 A# n7 G/ b/ d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' b8 Q1 ~6 f2 P( H
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" C, q/ u* W, U$ A> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 p# H! ]+ t9 s. |1 p" h+ d4 S> > employees attend to the arrangements.% V9 f0 A8 X' Z5 g6 j( y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is2 w4 u! k$ l, w+ G, S7 S8 K
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" V7 o( k( L" w> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' f: Y  q( Z/ Y' X1 q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; o  r3 y7 b! v/ F, v  B2 V> > hour early.
( H; }. u9 n" b8 V$ \> >
+ M# m# K6 n" u+ A: ]( z+ N> > Toilet Use! B2 W% v* p! t! u& }" U, m. k4 G+ T: [
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ N1 l4 K/ B2 a> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, n& G/ R" _) n+ `- W' v> > in the cubicles.+ H. f! U: m+ c: x: U* u; }
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
* r. o9 \$ \! j! ?& d4 [> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle3 m+ K2 \* o' T, g
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( ]9 ~8 }0 ^0 d4 _  U" I  ^
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( ]6 v2 Q8 b! t+ v2 f1 S0 g> > posted on the company notice board under the$ P4 T* K0 Z" m( ]: N9 g5 Q
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& O7 L: e9 i5 G, r+ u4 Q* t! R
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& D1 H4 m" b( s2 ~0 g
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& e$ _3 u. i: D2 e! v> > policy.
1 Q* [* {1 l9 D3 ?1 R> >
. k1 ~" L  K$ E, p1 M> > Lunch Break
; O8 P3 Q6 s1 ^5 T> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
" x" h3 M) {$ i0 x  K# i> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 ~, J- C9 }; C> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 @6 B1 f" ^' h
> > maintain their average figure." n7 `& ?$ Q2 B) }4 j" ~% d
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# h4 |9 o1 k; s4 w  j7 e& i, j
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 d6 h  t6 l. V3 q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
% p) ?" n& U2 l/ w6 M. @$ V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive% h4 }1 u; A  ~3 q1 Q
> > employment experience.  v( d0 @$ Q6 E  S
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! ~! Z, k! J2 N* w" R0 i/ X- {0 J
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! P, I5 F7 y# Q: H/ s: F
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- m0 w0 [" ?2 J9 @+ [1 F7 N0 q9 ~> > directed elsewhere.