HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 |# }$ Z9 }2 H> >                     Effective January 20079 N; }- g, m% R6 N; t; C9 }
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> > Dress Code
: |/ D, V7 \  J5 \, L# f> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
9 U( t2 U  R9 @. j& z" Q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& [' ]* u- W' Q: l: y& x% b+ m> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume2 w, X5 x9 I3 Z( r4 A5 c% k5 ]
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 K( n* z1 z9 f) a! y" H% Y> > need a pay raise.. n) u0 a4 \. w, x4 Q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& g3 S: K6 N) e' |5 @& F
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) e" \/ Q4 l8 T
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.' U$ K, ?( i9 Y3 _1 H
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& w2 d- ^7 D+ O' H> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% t/ Q4 x/ S; T& c0 A7 Y( ]) g> > raise.
7 s! G0 z% |8 T; g3 c> >
, W* W. A/ }* i9 o( U+ E> > Sick Days6 t, f7 I3 ?% ]3 h  G/ D2 _
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
0 u8 y( |. ~: V4 {> > proof of sickness.
* R- ~5 N8 F+ ]> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able  p2 v1 f  c$ R
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
% l- W/ ?: D- W) ~# l/ h, \( h> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 ^: u7 x8 P( r; v
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." i. a! i' |, }6 a
> >8 d3 E! {8 B/ f; j4 i! L
> > Compassionate Leave9 n( r4 M$ h9 \5 w5 d% ]1 z) k+ `
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
% @& K' J7 f; k6 p( P> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# z# i; X( b9 b. {! }: e7 n
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 k& J4 u" [1 E( J> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. [, k/ ~" |% Z6 Q0 _2 q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& v& P3 M2 e& q, l; C
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, @+ p+ W# W( D0 Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, I  E+ P9 G. [( l% C% a
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 d  r- g. G4 o0 |0 d. }> > hour early.2 A4 F5 c8 i+ o  d* V& {! D5 M, [
> >7 h( B* @4 e0 q; J' N1 r- |4 ]6 ^
> > Toilet Use( A, M' G' t% i, a4 `9 G9 @
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- M1 Y' z* G* d8 r9 W9 `
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* S! C; u! V1 s3 i
> > in the cubicles.
# X/ c/ I% p* y) K1 Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
) _1 D' V) {6 d, J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: J1 O* P  K$ c
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( ?0 M( A% h! x2 ?& }6 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ [. Y  H8 I0 e. \0 t) C> > posted on the company notice board under the2 H/ X8 q) c- g6 ^+ p3 R( D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. M% @# ^4 A: ^8 G
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. v6 M; U# y% [> > sanctioned under the company's mental health) H& [2 S  L' b' u2 N
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
! G5 A3 Y8 N* _0 J> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
4 t4 }7 w; H- P: z! r# R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: R5 p* G, A  k7 ]& s* g; p
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 `$ G- }, D9 l, }
> > maintain their average figure.4 p! _, F* L/ i2 I" u/ s) L
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& ~# v9 K9 ~0 c/ i/ @0 E4 ~. D
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  p( Z4 b7 n! b( c" B> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' B1 k# v6 |% V. p5 I& ?
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 w! R2 j1 d5 o( R0 F' {> > employment experience.
% A0 z2 Q5 D& s$ S6 W( `- y> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. K' u9 z: `1 q* g! w6 N
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* V+ b" ~* i) Z1 l
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. v7 o" @. i: f6 Q( H> > directed elsewhere.