HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. a' ?- ^; Z. a$ v5 A/ t
> >                     Effective January 2007
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$ L3 A+ N' d; y$ e5 r7 e/ A& [> > Dress Code' f/ X% G, `/ q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) \: l8 C" B+ h3 g6 O3 X> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: b1 L' p4 \) [! ]! w- s> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% g' {. ]2 p' O0 s" k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
+ F& |  ?; A# I$ h> > need a pay raise.
3 |# V. {  R6 ]> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, ]' U# d  p+ f> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 N( x1 z( B" a$ S, c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.) x, Z9 ~" f- v
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) m/ A  z2 r/ d/ w9 P> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
/ _& V& a8 g  }" H7 r( g8 j! [( ]> > raise.
; U; _1 P1 u/ u! K# i, x/ g( q$ i> >
3 S& D" i6 v# ]/ H, Y! ~> > Sick Days1 p4 h5 K9 r( J0 F* g6 }
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: J- [" F/ q1 D( Q0 {3 ]; {; i3 q: |0 P> > proof of sickness.4 S2 X# s$ ]- U$ \% f" N* z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ w5 O# M  [6 w6 }+ C- [1 i1 z* [' D3 ^> > to come to work.% O8 n, ]0 l7 {  K
> >
) o; R- O3 G: S  b, l> > Holiday Days
* Z7 z! E- e* T1 m/ D3 C5 b> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% {% y: @! J4 y5 k1 {
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# B8 w; T. }5 i0 g; a- [. v' j; t
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> > Compassionate Leave
  ?" j* M) A4 }( X> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 r( ~! |' V- Q: Y" \: K> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, W! C8 I0 k& q3 x/ H' z6 D
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. R, o1 S9 n, d* [+ K4 C9 y. [
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# ^1 d: p. ~4 k5 w! s> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% u+ u7 o1 S: L4 J% R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 u3 U- f# m& J( ~- ]5 a# V
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
0 x* W; @( C/ k) P> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 j3 P0 a2 R. z% E> > hour early., o# \7 L9 A2 A4 d3 b& N9 n
> >
! B# }1 a. N. {: `. }7 C> > Toilet Use
9 E8 U4 {# f, o. e> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# J2 k& C5 F1 f> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ O6 F" ]" B. Y  N- I6 w" ~> > in the cubicles.
; J! L5 g! p( l/ H> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 x) D2 e* C: {( u! J" _$ c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: w) [+ ]: q( _* ~$ S> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, q& T2 {  p, ~# f. }> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 t1 b0 S" D6 m' q
> > posted on the company notice board under the  y! z1 p1 A# p3 {% T8 H; Z$ D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# N' Y9 g  q) p3 m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' N1 I9 U, S' l& y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  X9 P6 o: w$ z9 }( Z> > policy.
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, p2 M) t" F/ T5 g> > Lunch Break) u# R  b  K7 A! ~2 i. h5 b9 A
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ j# V/ `3 D5 O> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- y+ Z+ V4 d. w
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: P* m2 x' E5 b: y9 Q# Z
> > maintain their average figure.# ]+ m. a! }: e
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; f! k: X# W% t. i/ [
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 I( C& {: l0 W
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: |8 ?+ h/ G. e' D: ?9 ]4 P; ?# t
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
2 |4 A- l6 L6 V7 Y; _$ D1 y- G1 w> > employment experience.: a& Y3 b9 |# R3 l0 ?
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. g& R  ]' S6 b: q& C9 ~7 c
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' c% b9 {! d% Y" [# Z- P* E. J7 L
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% p$ i7 M1 u2 T1 e
> > directed elsewhere.