HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
4 c9 l$ V. l* O( S+ H> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code. ~2 p; d  a% T6 i4 E6 o: u
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
4 J+ Q1 Y- d& j- y+ Y& M> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. |' X- p6 ~3 a0 |5 z0 a> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 E1 c7 v3 @% c( Y$ q1 H> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* ^& x: I" v* q# A0 q> > need a pay raise.; Q7 W; y: g9 b& l
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ t5 {2 v/ m- F- B4 ~& v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 ]9 P  ^  B8 W9 R1 d  \% O
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% h3 _) S& N1 h( A% `> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ M5 O6 m& d! y5 f" c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: Z8 C1 p% c+ c5 v
> > raise.( _- w; y' R" E
> >
1 M7 h! O/ l9 j* s, o9 g2 I> > Sick Days4 U$ T2 l/ `/ @! M- b
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! t1 |6 d( i1 }6 h- }> > proof of sickness.
; ?$ U9 }, l) q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 [' D& Y; s( |! D  D+ p! z6 e> > to come to work.% R- v! c+ p( d6 [
> >
  W$ }3 [' b0 D7 P9 b% A> > Holiday Days9 V- w) e  G4 T' Q& G
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! }; o3 y- ~, ?% Z( t7 {/ w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" i- e3 ^. R: z$ _; o# z' s> >
% f- L2 u7 x: t# i& _> > Compassionate Leave; c0 P  a7 ]$ e5 C
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" `  B/ H9 V; U7 `4 `+ U1 @/ }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# J1 T2 y  p) z  ^3 s
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 T( F9 {# ^) |6 O& m> > employees attend to the arrangements., {# z9 F" R& {$ q3 L4 C2 s
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, w$ \0 m8 j" k
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& {5 f! q* s  t, E" q> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 c& H5 a* _, K1 p' X/ c. ?1 k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 l: |. w+ n: o  k2 l> > hour early.
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+ l+ i+ O- H  D1 H  S4 Z* I> > Toilet Use/ L4 K2 `  C1 C+ `; e- J, n1 t4 ~7 o
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  r( x, @4 X- o3 M% \) L> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, I8 s$ V( X1 A! Q* ~
> > in the cubicles.7 F& C$ r4 m" i. A
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 P; r, x  R* S) f4 X
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! I+ q  ~, u( k% C2 x( p+ _' s3 t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ H& D3 H5 ~4 ~) _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! ~: `$ b6 r# c+ L; G
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 ~) f" F4 F: U$ |1 ]& I2 ~
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
/ C2 b. P7 z3 T$ b> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* a: u5 t( ^" A5 b$ z  C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 s; E' w/ _3 M5 k* Z4 Q* Y> > policy.
  N( g" O3 s, r$ C> >, ?* \4 P: g# v  F+ g
> > Lunch Break
1 }2 e7 @- p& I> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: |8 c! l% v* N0 u4 v* c  D# L> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: M. H8 Q8 I% A; C
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% ]+ K$ R: V3 s, X* A- D) v6 [  z; N> > maintain their average figure.
- W  T- d, O8 X7 B, l: c# Q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% @- w- i4 R  I6 R6 f! c0 @0 X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* X  z' [& l: X# |8 ~) y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; e, R+ {9 u5 I; B  e
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 o9 W- Z1 s& e, C9 _3 L> > employment experience.
* H5 }* u/ c! R$ p4 C4 J( {& E7 `> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ _- j' y0 S- E. f& `7 I> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) F" ?8 Y% A% ^6 i" a
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, N+ p) E# M8 ~" V+ z2 K
> > directed elsewhere.