HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:$ ]6 ^3 ^1 o4 d/ D3 f# a
> >                     Effective January 2007
- c6 |: b0 `( x" w8 X: e> >7 E1 r1 A2 z# G% p3 u1 R
> > Dress Code
8 B; l! _7 U1 e! H2 a4 A: O> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed6 u! ?2 H5 k3 ?8 I4 u& P9 Q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& D; T5 |. [- `6 _4 R. A6 j+ h# E
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 U7 B& [( j7 \9 s1 a! I5 ~' z/ w> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# f6 I4 t  m/ q' P" m0 |4 _2 I7 Z+ ^) i> > need a pay raise.
* N2 }% M7 |9 J9 f1 G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
$ V: n5 @; F3 G) v' B9 o> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 o) i6 T& g$ [! x% A
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* C1 v8 \# x( k* m7 ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you& H6 U1 F$ x' ]; f) l
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 ]0 }( X. ]8 S/ D- L4 C. Q> > raise.+ y+ _! @- I% L+ ], S$ N% A
> >
7 ?; U' N$ |# Y; u' G5 w> > Sick Days% Q8 V7 V. m( u; ^6 p
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 z1 k" @1 E. B  C2 b> > proof of sickness.
* ^2 k8 w' w3 B9 }7 E% H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( f0 |4 W+ ^0 b: }0 m/ q> > to come to work.4 n. o! F5 h/ ^2 Y4 n; g
> >4 e, W/ W: w, ]3 E
> > Holiday Days$ c* I2 d3 h, O; d
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 j  U+ M  ~3 A" _$ g
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 X6 C/ I9 ~1 I> >) `; x; k! D  v5 {
> > Compassionate Leave" C; }2 i4 M; {' x8 n, x  q8 t( H: W
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ C& B" c: S" P  G7 S> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( j' Y' L; f) f2 [  k
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% m; z( Y( Y* }3 t) }- L> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 t4 J  k1 L2 H+ |6 K' h
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
$ t7 G! q; A* {7 j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the# X+ D, j* |- z$ D& r# e
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 y6 L. q7 G8 Q/ C& S* y# z; u9 a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# q& L$ H  i, ~* i6 A> > hour early.; _6 @2 Q$ V8 f, v$ N+ n& T
> >
/ `: n- i; p) a& |, a> > Toilet Use
9 _9 o# o3 _0 E: F, h5 u> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ L% l/ q( o* y  p1 ~* i0 Z> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 o  _' ]) z8 l. m& b5 _
> > in the cubicles.
9 ^5 G9 F2 }7 z: B  Y# U" p- ^> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 Q. M' ?; H1 g( {+ O+ u> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 j/ ]: Y; g/ O! ~; z2 Z3 E. z4 z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ h0 m$ z) I7 G7 ]: I: ]# c, R> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be, x5 a: V# C6 Y8 }% Q' V: Q- [! f
> > posted on the company notice board under the
6 `. h$ c2 l# D/ V& K> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 [' o  b" w/ ~" V" M1 L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. v8 z& K! B' K> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
, R) U, t8 Z! \) X8 Z3 U: h> > policy.- S& U) s* H& E
> >
9 k, r( }: |3 k6 }2 d: W1 L> > Lunch Break
, u# K4 Z: B# g% V> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
% c7 {& u. F2 Y! s: i: w# k0 R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 a4 k3 s% [# K8 k
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
. x4 x9 s% r" W- y) e> > maintain their average figure.
# S3 l  o* _( {' z1 J> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 g: z, d' c: e- P" V9 E> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 ^* M5 V0 J" t: C4 J2 v! P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ D  e* n; E4 ^/ ^: ~4 X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 x( Z8 g: P  i1 o+ T- [( f  r9 \> > employment experience.% Q# }- `! {! L# t; S
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( }# ?! v7 u. L& r8 \# y0 |
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
1 n; S' ?8 H6 _- R& }4 j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# c! Y: r! U5 X6 W! ], \; o- @
> > directed elsewhere.