HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
' I2 f  w) Y' R6 q, K2 q  ]> >                     Effective January 2007" u7 H# i% i# q6 ~
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> > Dress Code5 r0 q6 G9 z( v+ X0 R5 H1 Y! V) V
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. _" Y& l" ~7 V! I! V
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 a9 R: ^+ h( a! a; A> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume% V+ p' `+ B/ J0 d! H
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not1 @/ N6 C+ B+ j
> > need a pay raise.
0 z) @8 p( }9 X8 W% H6 f- g2 c> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' y4 C$ T) \: y! f4 E0 }/ M> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 E. ?, k, I( e1 A  U& R2 [" d# x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. G" r/ S4 Z9 Z4 Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 Q( }( Z0 }8 E2 t1 q: [/ Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay( M: T2 j$ \. v: }8 C  ^8 L9 b6 P
> > raise.; W8 L' Q+ w2 f! _/ B0 v* H: a
> >& E9 c- c' e) {" ]& x% F
> > Sick Days
2 Q' P# i/ v% s> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 s$ E9 I% R# r3 U6 s> > proof of sickness.+ Q( R. O/ J# P
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 u4 ?7 j8 R7 u: K6 C> > to come to work.3 X, S8 S% Y; g  I
> >; V2 A, J1 ~6 J; L( N6 G8 T
> > Holiday Days, y( V4 X4 j2 M9 \4 ^+ n
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, b$ j$ w" }+ p> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) b6 i) s7 X9 C8 m4 b
> >
: V3 D- A* Q* \9 W* x+ \0 r> > Compassionate Leave
* z0 g( M' b. c  I# l5 l> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
: e, G! u% J( w2 H4 l9 _( |> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% e  n9 P, g" t> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* u7 P2 E) S0 P5 f# _; k% V0 p> > employees attend to the arrangements.) D/ {: d) D* m9 j( H$ c+ R5 g
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" {- s5 ]) }3 u> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ Y4 x, H0 N+ ?, S4 q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* d- |% o( g9 Q% P> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- |  V4 o. h7 A8 T. c; N> > hour early.$ B1 l5 H2 R$ w7 D+ V6 \0 i
> >
& s1 k" {9 ~; ^! Q9 v9 n4 q> > Toilet Use' o) R- {+ l! E, e& N2 @6 {: z; T# m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# Y0 P3 }( I( a0 n> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ y% s1 f1 D9 r* w
> > in the cubicles.
5 Z( P* b3 D. A> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; X; |6 s0 r" g: ~* f7 m  K, g% G> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" r; m3 w$ _0 g" l> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 I" [% ?: J5 i" Z( F; w) T" T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ y9 I. q0 B" N# J! H! j
> > posted on the company notice board under the
( Z. B& d5 R$ A2 A3 k8 S1 b> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, K$ v" z8 x" H! d> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: v& I! l$ m, E
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 r9 m3 O! i. S9 G0 Z+ S7 b" f> > policy.
9 r8 Z% @5 w8 J4 B> >
8 i8 T7 i4 g$ P( T4 m> > Lunch Break
, B4 J7 b; _, t2 v0 n7 q) o4 z7 E4 m> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( X! b8 J* Z- e3 s4 _6 O
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* w' `; u$ I/ S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; B/ e' x7 C! {2 A> > maintain their average figure.) Z) N' {# Z* U3 [) l* H
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 h% D1 B1 L8 ]( B3 O
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.6 F1 J5 h$ j/ @* I0 W& m+ O  `4 g
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ m9 X5 |; B" j& n' i0 ^> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 q; R5 S* ^2 B1 E
> > employment experience.) y" W, w0 T4 ]# ^1 Z, s
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 W# {% {' p( z: K8 M
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- h( k3 d" Z4 u4 B: @" Q' N( K9 v3 E> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 W' q* r" X% k" C# M3 p* ^& V/ W" s
> > directed elsewhere.