HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 g! r3 f) e) ^
> >                     Effective January 2007
0 U6 i7 S% E: W% U3 P6 ]$ ^> >
) L3 `8 {, z& E1 V7 r( }> > Dress Code
. t  ]5 T8 p( J+ p; N> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 a' A! E  j' E' |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 E2 L: l6 p8 W: X/ s) ]
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
; ?* D, E3 e; _+ Y$ h> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; Q; r  A' ]8 ~  N$ G+ M
> > need a pay raise.
+ O. k, s" r# O, D> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, L- s. M/ I( ~/ E' t> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% _$ ~& J. N4 e> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 D0 e2 U2 t* g8 }: E8 v
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ k. T8 l+ I: S7 W" [' f> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: h% q) n& R9 q/ i9 N" p> > raise.
* D% p7 [# M8 }> >
9 G" u" R$ o2 {- E. L0 R# s> > Sick Days( |* ]' m; Y- B1 p. s; t4 A2 `$ Y
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- ^6 b8 D' p4 w; F> > proof of sickness.+ E* g) \* l7 p8 G
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 |" T3 |4 P1 R5 e8 j> > to come to work.
1 C  O9 f& C* F7 u" x# a> >
1 b! `, y6 ]5 y2 U> > Holiday Days# u/ t9 X# c+ ~. n6 ~: C7 D2 `! P
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 b! O3 e2 _: [: _; \5 ^1 l> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ t  k1 ]1 z, [' `! Y" b! l
> >/ M- p0 M' @) y& W+ x9 p7 f
> > Compassionate Leave  H  g! p# F  R$ K  R" q4 L
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 K0 \* B, X+ G: Z/ {8 Y: Z! j  G
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% w2 h' z& Q7 `# j> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 c7 n/ l8 M" Y5 K4 d- u7 A> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ _, M- r, d! N/ z- s8 N- I+ F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 u7 q% w/ R/ X5 A; U* L> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& R& [! R! ?$ v1 v/ q> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( |0 F% y  W" t* ]0 h> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one- w# Z) r7 `8 t
> > hour early.
+ C5 H; [3 |/ j5 w> >' p$ r& g( @5 J( @3 n, J; e
> > Toilet Use
# G+ e( G, s, c9 q, O6 ^> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 `) r  q! K' ?7 K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ F" v) E0 ^& V7 x# U9 f1 i
> > in the cubicles.
; p  l/ `6 B, j, j$ _> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" r$ K* G* B9 v/ o( A1 x
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; g* O( z" y9 v' d% M% W( g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* t8 \% A3 [" M! q5 b. I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 c! [& J6 K4 w7 p2 C! p& q> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 J, j  i& O( D- o. p> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 o3 [; v/ y. X) D/ x9 p
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 W. b  j/ `1 X8 ^> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 F* O- S. p1 z3 |8 t
> > policy./ P3 u4 q& h" R+ L
> >
. \. R" C8 M8 N/ s9 m> > Lunch Break
5 Y' p% ]! Q! f% Z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 @* [) |( d; C/ s' r8 K> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." g; @, c; }% F
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 l- w' b% x  Z- D> > maintain their average figure.4 V" K: g) x" C3 z* @
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: W3 ?/ @: U  K' n> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.! a2 x' `1 b0 j9 G1 Y% X: t# ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- B+ J( d; P: U. Z9 f' s+ e' @
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* e) L2 k' D0 [1 E% ?% b4 J& z6 I  H> > employment experience.
7 m  v& b) a' U+ P> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( l" N3 B/ R" `) ~! G% _$ h* E
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 O; n- C6 L: y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be$ Q; p$ a4 s+ y  c) A6 m
> > directed elsewhere.