HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; x' n' i& ?; n- |
> >                     Effective January 2007
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: i) T, l) G; }> > Dress Code
* ]- [4 Y/ d. D7 z  G> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed! F% x/ ~$ `& q6 d4 M! z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' e( I6 S/ x5 c8 V. C8 H6 p
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- T3 o6 N/ u% W8 \
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ V, t! C8 ^( S8 [# r
> > need a pay raise.' ~7 l4 r: V: H* l% g
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 l( S7 X6 J! r> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer0 P7 j2 Z9 I4 ^* j
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
; K, L% I# G1 f9 k> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- C# Z0 J/ O$ b% H" M
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 o1 v' T+ _/ l% J
> > raise.
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5 l2 Y3 V  i4 L( Q; J- I> > Sick Days- {' i  g& T7 g" |; O9 Q7 ?
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ g5 `5 j9 b5 S7 l2 S> > proof of sickness.. |4 h# X; p4 M% U
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 i/ ~9 y- Q) L  p
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
5 m, A* c6 Z" |) W9 F9 l% e' K> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 i" I  n2 b4 W> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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/ N' S7 \* J, L- u> > Compassionate Leave1 [5 F( g7 q- Q# J5 m) L7 [
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 z" _" p$ y/ Q( d2 Q1 @> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  N$ q' ^' R* ^. r7 e8 @> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-* o7 q3 Y' Y- O1 \% Y& z0 c
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
3 ]! y5 Z* I- m2 k. ^( x8 r> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 }6 w/ x4 C! @: x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. p; K4 v7 \0 a
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. P, U2 l. R- x! r5 s/ ]> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ C: v! h) `8 ]. A$ b5 V/ K> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use& |* s  A8 @, m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the  s+ t$ `# q9 s$ {; E7 ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ \+ x1 m- F$ X( M! X6 j5 v> > in the cubicles./ j6 T- ~+ [8 @) T2 K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 {" P2 w1 _; m7 l. O> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, L: `" O0 `; c3 W
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' C+ w/ X( t$ X* G+ f& O> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' X( b/ _, U1 }% N$ d$ ^4 o$ r> > posted on the company notice board under the1 q# |# c7 ]. q! h* C1 n
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
9 ?( K4 p# s7 ?/ B! a3 [5 B> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
; J2 S& F: B4 I7 ?3 `, d! X> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 }4 A/ \# r5 m- d& Y8 K- ^
> > policy., u1 j# B* i) k. c4 a$ T% K! E: O
> >
( M5 P$ e( R9 z" [> > Lunch Break
* g% n) U- i# C- B6 v% |" \' J8 l> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. K5 q; Q- R" }' T> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( [% p& A# w" J# P. t; q4 e# O6 N
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, N5 \- P5 p3 A5 L> > maintain their average figure.) C- K, U$ e1 J4 M: y5 N6 m
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 z: H0 ]- z' h! g3 c- X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' L7 P! p$ [' v7 O9 J/ w% v) O) d
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 w* [3 ~6 r7 B6 {" J* U2 k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- w6 L, p$ \2 `
> > employment experience.* ]8 O  s7 u- x* f( R1 @
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ c2 u5 N" S+ w8 a" O2 V: G> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 g3 Q# @6 z+ h4 R) {: ~: b, f
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( }+ d6 P7 x- `& V8 P> > directed elsewhere.