HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 X, ], t$ ?) E5 _
> >                     Effective January 2007
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6 U4 y8 H& T( w+ F/ ]( E( v> > Dress Code
! o( {6 V. W/ R8 q5 a> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# G$ a" t6 }  U) T3 G8 t> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# }4 S: E% R! L$ S: m
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' f* ~/ Q/ S) F( j) S" i
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 m# R$ B$ M9 J/ e' E> > need a pay raise.! v! F8 O% o5 J5 @' j6 E
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage: Y7 A! o6 V' C0 }! E# m3 n1 }: R
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, J: Y1 z) Q, x8 i! U: r9 Z" n2 d0 w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.( o3 ^/ N% a7 U) M3 ~
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ R5 G& ~8 p. j2 g> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# T, o$ C- Y8 |6 s4 X; R# R
> > raise.: x( }3 b1 t; L7 V+ f' v5 [0 g
> >
! h4 S& {8 a: m' G' }! U5 U* a> > Sick Days0 G) u- N0 f. {( n; k: J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
, J# @, l! T4 J  e: ~> > proof of sickness.
7 _8 `' l" J" x0 u* f3 f0 b> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
4 l: Y% Q% H0 y: E$ d8 Y> > to come to work.
2 L- I  n0 D4 n! J# F5 @> >
; `6 I, M$ a6 b1 p; f9 z% F) t> > Holiday Days
' _- S4 ~! g; G! ^/ t. x> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 c1 X  l6 M- Z% y" o- X( d( s# e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& A4 C1 B+ a0 A/ Y6 v
> >) w9 j# d. Z. t2 K1 [* k2 _
> > Compassionate Leave
5 t+ i* a3 s6 Y' c  b3 s> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) k, Y8 V$ q4 v/ H! u) n2 _
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 k0 Y! l# F! g7 C% ^> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 o& t( [1 ?) U& X9 [" y% X, B9 w2 B* G> > employees attend to the arrangements., I  G, g1 N) L( c8 y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 G/ B/ b% S( @& O  p# R2 L7 d( g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) x# ~/ A" K; {+ r& z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& ~, e9 }9 i: q4 o+ O+ V- `> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ a+ T2 L3 u) r: p! z9 b) ~) \# ]> > hour early.3 P% }9 K# e6 |) i  B  X
> >& U. B$ T8 A, m
> > Toilet Use* \0 ^; h' \6 e+ n' P
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 C  j7 Z3 H% i( N4 j7 d& v5 A/ X
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
& M4 F: ~  \( g' q> > in the cubicles.2 t$ r: W+ q- @
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 B7 {: u2 G, {> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: Z- I, F) A1 c7 W6 G9 j% y$ b& [5 I
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ W7 }4 h6 {# P( b: b> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' Z# Q" e5 n* s/ O; ^> > posted on the company notice board under the% m& _0 `$ C0 U, Q1 B3 |( P
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ O; |; V( f7 @, M! u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# E* l- k" G) b' t$ q' Z: `. G
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' _4 b1 L0 e8 q5 }9 h> > policy.
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: a# V, l% V: J8 G0 Z/ X2 G% u+ d, M% Z> > Lunch Break
3 L, Q/ ?& e+ F# W1 ^> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
1 q: b& [+ A/ u' o2 ]. \! a, Y, R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.9 J% ]; z; E9 L
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 w, c9 R. W5 v; s; t6 x+ s
> > maintain their average figure.' w* {* U; _7 }# A% P$ I
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# Z3 S+ L1 X' ]: O/ P1 n
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 X/ U* S$ d3 T: b8 T+ R* d
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. [9 {  f( g* ~( l# j
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# z  x/ F5 A/ Y% n
> > employment experience.
! i" A. w* s& I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,' E- P  m: D! j; Y* C4 ~& w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 o% P% E. E8 t
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' _- ?6 q6 q4 \
> > directed elsewhere.