HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 Q" j, p" i' V' x! C, X- Z! r+ d> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
; J. B* d# ]( ?/ T  I$ J> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 |' B) k' S0 P: f' Z/ t/ h
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 V3 L5 k5 N$ m1 t* E% L> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 M& }- T6 p) I6 j
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
" b1 j" R* m* m4 V> > need a pay raise.. [' c  O8 i7 t  r* |
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage3 b) ~# L' n! V; H' R. b
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# p5 H& ?$ a7 R" j. s% Q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
5 k+ B+ v4 Y$ _* b3 L- O: E1 J  b> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: |. {( b& z9 b3 j2 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 N7 W2 }3 k0 j& g
> > raise.) E7 x5 Q5 x5 |' ]4 w+ R1 a
> >
- k7 q) O! n" U) J# A# g> > Sick Days
2 |4 k) L' p8 M  A7 d  D4 [5 _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ G, r. ~6 q& t' G& E> > proof of sickness.
4 h3 ?6 O9 A% H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 q; i0 ~& F! J
> > to come to work.
( I6 R( P2 w5 K  Z> >
+ \/ e9 ^# c- Z# p> > Holiday Days$ @" D6 s9 X2 [+ s+ @% N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# S9 P& @( [* O0 S! E6 L/ @$ b> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) r7 E% i5 q+ h. @6 J
> >5 {, B# C- o; B; a
> > Compassionate Leave  K) F1 o1 a0 j: }+ O
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: E- b5 K1 a* O9 ?7 }7 U
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: o3 G1 ]/ v8 {0 G
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 Y- Z4 U1 L6 k# c
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& H2 K" \' w# _& q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# H* L6 {( d3 j) ?' _5 R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. l2 v% v4 m5 A" s- ^> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work7 b* c  F" O3 i" F0 Q% t. P
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 v3 h2 l/ {% Y1 a  Y> > hour early.1 W* n6 {/ r) q  U- o
> >5 `* l- ^# `, S% c  S0 I- q! J
> > Toilet Use
6 [5 S2 }' A% M, `4 o> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ N. r: N1 K% S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* X9 r7 k! F) w> > in the cubicles.% {0 s( F1 b7 k2 T
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% {& a6 _5 J+ l$ e
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 B4 S( C% x$ n/ m> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; r% l6 ?$ b; v5 ^4 c9 ]# w% z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 @" h) L8 E& h  u$ k
> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 e5 K# G* ^* J: t! b7 t> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, \8 h1 ^/ R+ }> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 S( d& p& Z+ |  z& u* o1 |> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' \" F+ G: o1 {1 }( l( _) T> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break9 }) m( W9 T. |! b# `
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, D8 D( H" r# q  R* J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
, D* c$ `7 l7 j9 v( D! K> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- W% v0 F! Y) [( ]3 l1 o
> > maintain their average figure.
  Z8 J7 B% ]# x: a> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 c4 K  X& N  N3 t. L
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 _* w2 w- F3 {/ b/ \
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" R- P6 d5 r! V# ^& q; Q3 @- W  q> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ l) I! F4 j6 H& F> > employment experience.. z* u5 o; \9 O6 ?3 u
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 Y( c: ^+ P4 `) e+ Z> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ U& q: H0 Q/ r9 \/ w. ^+ M> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 y, n" K5 {' H
> > directed elsewhere.