HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" ~: {0 m- N; N+ F  f/ g
> >                     Effective January 2007* ]- D+ c9 p: X3 g7 q
> >
9 t7 E. }& S! C* I& z6 }) a  r> > Dress Code5 T" J, J8 L+ @$ |7 l5 j( z7 x
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% z3 x! w, s6 H* N0 J
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' C6 _8 b/ e# ]2 D
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 s3 i5 m# |  @* i( z2 X) R# T
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 \, b: H5 _& R6 h% c1 W> > need a pay raise.6 r4 X0 ?/ c! `4 }) b
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& Q7 `) H8 u  \0 b- d% N1 @: }
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ O$ M2 i+ E6 h0 @2 {/ D
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' s3 a) t7 U' O, C> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) [) [3 a+ M: _4 T& O% T. l> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* ?' U4 x" `% Q( r. B  }
> > raise.2 }& ^: p7 m+ x( A8 ^
> >0 g! ?4 u# d5 L9 w5 C: H1 P
> > Sick Days
% Y% j& ?/ X% I  g# I> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( G) b/ d% `& q: y2 B2 M: {> > proof of sickness.
  V$ k0 i4 V( T4 m7 X2 [2 e> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 A5 ?4 z: V( v) b9 P. Q9 B
> > to come to work.
) N- m5 ]4 G! F; j. F> >
( C9 q; k8 [3 A4 ?- Z> > Holiday Days
  U/ r+ o0 Z1 f0 h0 Z, f* y; l> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 m  E) b* c7 y! x
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- ~( S1 k2 K) ~6 p5 a( }% ?
> >
! R( l7 ?7 W4 q> > Compassionate Leave' m# d( U! m, ?" \
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  j: I( g! W- S6 I1 s> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 t+ Y6 e0 _0 n) f/ [! q. k> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-2 G. @3 }# r- D
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 n6 x/ v( `* \
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- h4 p- @, W7 y: R0 J2 i
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ W8 r' \# V' _6 M> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 a$ U' g, I$ v' Q- ~, p/ Q6 a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 V6 X5 u# H9 z" J6 t> > hour early.. F8 _; z1 d; \! D
> >
- T! m6 a5 j1 n! C7 t! W, J9 T> > Toilet Use' c# b' _4 k: V$ i
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
4 x6 f3 B8 {. _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- C$ i4 [! M( S- C+ w& N
> > in the cubicles.3 J) H5 C: O0 n8 Y: X
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will4 `; V" t$ v3 m3 p! N
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 _" \2 p2 M0 p* ^& N) @> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' T2 o6 @, l1 j% O, w) T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# w$ E7 V8 k- l) d# {" m/ g> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 ~% x0 U$ I. f) Z) Q! C& a> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 w  D& a, k6 K
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 L5 T; p/ O* T
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 z9 r6 @" z. m. C
> > policy.! s8 r+ T6 s* N( ]8 M. N" ~
> >! U# B2 C, D; y5 V/ D& @+ J
> > Lunch Break& Y8 R- }1 A& g! N) A, N
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 X9 I" W5 G3 v- u" M
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." g9 X2 W  _* \3 V% T+ q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 d3 z. s/ l# p> > maintain their average figure./ d7 W" |9 U8 a$ @
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# x: q" p) \& ~: A7 j( B: Z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ x4 P6 _2 x- M7 B. e2 O> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
7 p1 [4 I; v2 b/ n2 j+ I> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 G! e2 Z2 p# ^( Y; y3 z  E! G
> > employment experience.
* X& a/ b! U2 h' z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
5 ^* o! g" m; Z, h> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 A; p9 e6 N9 [8 ~$ P9 p
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 R3 _3 g. [6 G; S1 A. n- j5 M> > directed elsewhere.