HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:# R& q, j# J7 F" @  D
> >                     Effective January 2007
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) d3 S5 o3 i' b# z0 H7 \$ C> > Dress Code
* h. K+ ~' c' \5 O& w> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
9 h8 ^% i* F3 u) J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# m9 F) ]9 [# D" J. J& u, L9 h
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, u( x3 ^' L7 B1 \
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 V' u  ]  [' q; e* S# Z
> > need a pay raise.4 o2 d+ A3 g6 y4 K& p: j" }
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% u4 }7 e0 g6 A" g
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 o9 W& [$ h& I! l6 @" q% @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 |% h& l3 N0 K; _' `. k
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# u9 q9 O$ o* h: W1 }: k; n! B> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: q+ Q+ j  H+ M) U# x> > raise.* E2 T$ [  d0 y$ B! k
> >5 M/ P- M* q. ?& v
> > Sick Days$ y2 S- Q( C7 W* I+ z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ K0 E$ v/ }7 }+ d
> > proof of sickness.
- g* h% w$ {( ^' I5 b' \% Y/ s2 W3 C> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 _+ N0 q( q. G( M# J& b" Z> > to come to work.
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# V: y2 R# {' z( t; ]# d" N> > Holiday Days, r$ T, k2 Y$ @4 r% ]; s: @- O
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 _- o9 ?8 i2 P, @7 H* b- y3 p
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave) G; R1 a- O, ~. N. J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 u& m# P0 `2 [6 v
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  L  V0 Z. W1 m+ c; b0 q> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; x, f5 V3 F+ R( ^% n/ G- m> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 t( G" A8 n& c. ?
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" r) H9 o2 S% j3 E5 k> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 Q8 I+ t7 s! d4 |% ?8 X# O> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ X, D5 k9 ]# U> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: R. `/ v! A# E. o3 R& i. _* V* d
> > hour early., W* `9 o0 o8 A& z- J) U
> >
+ J: J: M1 o9 {$ Y1 V: {> > Toilet Use
, C- p' k" _# @" Z: z* \> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 i: z4 z6 {% \- p6 ]
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 R3 b) x9 ]% d( {  C2 z3 }0 u> > in the cubicles.
  D' l5 v5 S7 t4 `2 c  `' i> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 H. d5 T; v; Q* m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ N5 l8 ^7 s! m) ^* t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% F5 o5 v- C0 e& S) p$ F> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ ?' x$ u$ x6 C, J" L) h% ~8 [9 J8 I* T
> > posted on the company notice board under the9 Z, U) ^, f1 j, [8 H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* l  e0 h! e! `3 Z  i- h3 K> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, D: |( l" R5 [( d
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( a$ p) g3 y5 `( C; ]> > policy., e# {* U$ G, m+ V2 a
> >
2 R6 q6 W1 j. l> > Lunch Break
/ T1 s, \& ^. x( A# {> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 W" c8 P# M! G8 O> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 F+ ^6 f& N6 j8 q/ W> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
. p5 L2 ]5 w% S& n/ u/ i. T1 z5 X> > maintain their average figure., I4 Y& k# z4 ]- U) I3 Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  H( t% {+ a, ~- a. a& i+ Q3 k> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.( F2 r2 j2 U+ x4 y  b8 Q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are$ E  x4 A3 r9 s
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
/ {' M) `. |- m9 k> > employment experience.* R0 J% L9 e0 b
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,, n  [5 l# i/ f7 d8 \* H" }
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
  w6 B- ]1 n4 G- S( a7 q4 S' Q0 b> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- u1 g  j/ x/ ^* h& T. L> > directed elsewhere.