To all Employees: & c/ L, m2 T' o: ?0 w+ u> > Effective January 2007 ! @5 M5 a; X- x$ t6 V7 c> >5 [7 q2 x6 P" P7 d+ @7 i
> > Dress Code . [( ~, r5 z6 B6 U! C6 ]. C; @> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed & m* ^) X8 Z* R! f$ A> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing & O: Y4 F. e/ l4 b/ c7 \) ~> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 4 Y1 B( A7 ^& ?/ r" u# `> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not ' b! n2 j% |. N. `* t9 W$ H% r> > need a pay raise. N( d$ A6 J7 K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 7 I; T6 G- o* M8 O0 A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" p b8 O4 k( M- k9 k" v t" i
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. {( B8 u2 a% r' }7 i/ X- z/ P" w> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you 8 N0 ]; M, e ?' R/ c. `6 |> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: y+ s, ~4 m" c( |; g/ b
> > raise. * l+ _+ Y1 q5 o: R- [; q> ># U- B: D s2 S+ r+ L
> > Sick Days , n0 } [7 |9 z> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) o3 I& k% L- N$ Q# b, f
> > proof of sickness.) n5 ?; M: _6 p; g1 s* i
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able 7 I, h6 R, z' b- o6 m# p% Q> > to come to work. . U+ @2 d: f$ M+ X/ J> > : n/ p# b3 y* O8 C1 d> > Holiday Days N' \/ w I; b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a , } J, B9 K8 Q/ i, `> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. ) l! A- Z" i* \( {- B6 T0 d> > * w7 \1 ~0 n, H7 b, C> > Compassionate Leave , X# M/ ~6 m1 u- Z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing $ o+ |& |9 v2 x# I4 ]> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; Y, |8 _% ]8 G( |
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- : `( l) ~; t, T7 }- P: F> > employees attend to the arrangements. 3 }% Q6 V7 a* x/ T> > In rare cases where employee involvement is - O& C& X2 q, }) s: K6 N" G> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the * W# Y# V- u9 ]4 o; V a k8 v> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 S% g/ C5 z: L/ J
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one w) F1 D! A7 ]) C# z0 o> > hour early.$ o. b, [/ c0 J) i8 O f; C
> >: K+ {& C7 g8 H/ z. A* n. ~
> > Toilet Use # s9 o0 r2 a% v> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the 6 g* w9 q1 v5 J, F> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- D6 W2 y/ }+ s7 _7 ^* e
> > in the cubicles. ' w2 \2 d2 j- o3 _: k! z4 M% F> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! T+ o) J4 `& S" X
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle . M) J8 ]) _" q. {7 }* c0 h% R> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- _5 J) E1 C3 j: d0 w, ~. I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 N6 K6 \, I7 ?- X i" _( d C
> > posted on the company notice board under the ) l' ]8 \% I! y _! v6 x3 t' m> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& {5 ^1 s" L. B; Y* A# K( f
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be * t& g5 C, l$ A- j, U: {; [5 N! O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 3 {3 e: v+ [9 Y( V' s0 |+ `> > policy. 3 ~% r2 N8 s6 k7 C- O> > % I% ~# k, r! ~* W& A/ `> > Lunch Break! }. U7 ~/ Y1 g+ \' V1 u) C; U
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they - h1 y, H3 R. e. a9 I> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ! p- B1 q- d+ n6 c> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* T, F ~. L# A& Q9 A8 `, L
> > maintain their average figure. . i4 Z# @: r$ S2 V" g' H# f( l ]> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time / K. A7 L5 d! }+ h6 a> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 S4 L2 g( t6 ~9 B5 h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 Q$ _( `1 F$ }/ m
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive : e" g& @1 z t0 e' z; ^2 I' `> > employment experience.1 I( D' ~% T& Z$ M b
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, ! Y1 i9 w/ Q2 d1 @, T2 n, B> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) |6 U% Y v, |3 e
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 5 g' ]# D* R0 S! u> > directed elsewhere.
