To all Employees: " w$ A) f0 T% r O ?) a> > Effective January 2007 # q( b; R! V' ^1 K> > ) ]& E( S+ w0 h" P1 }> > Dress Code4 ?8 ?4 W' q" s* Q; {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. W# G/ l$ {( r: e; q, R+ E5 F
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing* o c, B1 c/ k7 t1 A. c
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume2 w/ @( P& Z' y- l3 ], d
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( j v; S, m7 F0 h" g5 G- O
> > need a pay raise. 5 a+ P, {- {0 s) Q3 K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 0 S1 P/ a" T4 O# o" u* N% P4 P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer 6 v+ [" _3 D6 D+ t6 W( F> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." N( ?% x q, k- J, n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you 7 o7 j( r( \3 X+ j> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay # ?( U2 y. N; h' _8 ]$ r> > raise. . T; J4 a& j; u> > 0 X1 O1 N+ o0 ~! `/ \0 r7 d> > Sick Days3 @& Y. B; _) Q# L, k P8 j
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 \) C1 N5 i9 u) s. l+ G5 |
> > proof of sickness.1 e; r) K" ~2 h/ y; U
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able1 t7 o: \7 W5 q. m: @9 a
> > to come to work.* |/ Y/ H4 G' Z+ i4 z+ H% d
> >$ {2 {- P. j$ A3 X$ t/ t
> > Holiday Days * p2 ?# Z, @! W! h2 L0 N _# M/ }> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a ( _' M0 `+ k$ ^4 g1 r/ Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. " d' v9 {4 M- A: e) L> > - V3 Z! ?# J! v5 t, f$ o> > Compassionate Leave0 q" F2 {* C. U8 B$ N1 E. W
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 0 e- s4 q" g8 N" [7 s> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 K) c( a& s5 W% O3 B. Y, k
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 R( W9 j$ p- _, U
> > employees attend to the arrangements. / c, L! V, v% D8 j4 }" O> > In rare cases where employee involvement is 8 `# T! d, I$ R; d1 {7 J> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 2 n* E1 S0 B4 N# i$ L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( Y$ k& R$ I& C/ y* O
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one " m1 [- K+ b$ Q/ E6 J> > hour early.2 [! Z Y/ _) p! Y+ X
> >. H# V& I6 W, @9 a3 b' Y6 {2 M
> > Toilet Use . _, B! z' ]* Z; j' N8 Z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the # N& l1 C: I! l1 h' Z S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 u8 H8 u9 Q Y+ D4 M* `
> > in the cubicles. . w$ W' A# v& {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 9 v- {. W; F, {) }" i# p> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 C9 e! `7 a: i2 [' R
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; J& `/ R8 F) _4 Y7 u1 u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ {& H3 k/ b- W- z9 o6 }
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ z4 U: A) B( E6 x/ o
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 3 P0 @0 g4 ?+ T1 z5 A$ W6 r$ T> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* f+ k* {4 d4 @* H, R [
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, E5 l6 ?6 |. v6 o
> > policy.% O: X: H0 W; m" v" I
> >0 u! F8 K1 A1 G3 l
> > Lunch Break 9 n7 t, f, z" G; n7 P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they $ l, L6 y) n R a! E5 t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! K! r% t0 U- K, v- t9 w: r4 m
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; l m3 R- z0 h
> > maintain their average figure.. C/ V/ d5 V1 N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time m; q' v4 B+ [! m& q0 Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. $ V6 Y9 F9 [3 O! ]8 b" I> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 [. [. L; ~' g3 Z/ f
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* a# X: I5 `9 O4 ~+ ~- @% e
> > employment experience.4 M2 V `: |7 {1 }' y$ |. T
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," a" q5 Z% u$ ]/ L9 d, a
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 1 l2 ^9 h8 E2 ^> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) s- k* F# W9 Z/ \, x" {: F6 A
> > directed elsewhere.
