To all Employees:; a* B! h8 M4 P. q) O# v
> > Effective January 2007 ) ]' y$ w% T# `, A# R> > 4 z: |- S# x' Z7 T+ |> > Dress Code' d! \7 i0 Q" S q2 {0 ]0 |; M
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 4 y+ C/ V4 c, g o" Z5 D9 Q% S> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& S1 E+ Q4 a9 e8 Q- q& z# h
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume / m% D! t! c' F/ y$ U5 S) X; h/ `2 q> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not % {& K( p' H+ o/ k. P> > need a pay raise. 8 U1 m+ u$ q5 H1 L+ i* b; z7 z> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, |) v L v9 |. P1 E V
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% {2 B7 F* G& y9 n7 @8 l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. . K9 {2 K$ l4 g# j> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you ' P' R/ W9 I. Z' L* z3 D> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay - e9 p2 d3 q# s> > raise.: }0 `+ Q0 j3 k5 v
> > . e- C Y2 Z+ s1 Z, K> > Sick Days " _4 {1 t V/ v5 F6 e" O> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as 5 N$ ]6 b8 Z' f> > proof of sickness. & a3 e4 m5 }, j# |8 z# x4 Z# {> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) r' }7 ]1 x: Q
> > to come to work. 9 G0 I/ y2 E& n7 u> > 5 Q) ^1 P0 D0 V# ]+ q5 G* x> > Holiday Days% M$ V" y* d1 |3 p' g& W2 [
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 6 H l* j+ G! Q5 e9 [3 D> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- l( ~& I: `$ Y+ t: N. N. v B- ]
> > G- X' F# W N$ @$ E
> > Compassionate Leave& |; X/ S) P( M- ?2 N( a
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing8 a) U, U. y9 ]1 A# Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" o8 P3 T6 U0 P4 u4 |
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 8 k$ |$ n; V7 t. Q: L! b) A. x> > employees attend to the arrangements./ U/ n" B8 M* P- S/ V7 h9 A8 i8 x
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is + C$ X5 ?- R6 W> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the + A; T( [: f) }: i> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- Y8 P, \) Y* n3 n' h( u
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one , }: l. [" N) \, R: x5 f- L* i> > hour early. 9 ?7 S8 |" w3 ]1 R% S% S- D( \> >; Z0 l, C0 H/ n7 R
> > Toilet Use! K+ A; M( q) J. m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the ?% u P4 K# z) O4 e! c& h
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit( S- w- J7 \- ~, R# m* e1 @
> > in the cubicles. $ K4 Z9 ]7 E7 N! p& q9 r: d6 p> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will ; E" `; Q: S! v/ w* r> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! K* [$ i7 v# x
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 P7 m) P9 s5 h4 D, N# \: }
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be % E% K/ M) r2 Z' x> > posted on the company notice board under the, I: _" E1 L; H2 b6 I* Z( j/ c M
> > "Chronic Offenders" category. 4 Q1 a3 j8 ?8 n9 U$ Z: f> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# r1 f# g+ u4 ]( O$ a
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health ' i! A9 F. Y3 G* w ^* L0 e' \. J- L> > policy.: b0 u: g9 B7 K
> > 8 M- [* B: H2 [* O3 a> > Lunch Break # J- U r d7 Y7 k* o$ h0 r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they. x$ T: N! J. L$ @9 y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ j# P. b6 ^& C" e' ?
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- j; ~! v, [ U! p# c0 O$ ]
> > maintain their average figure." C! O) _+ r! L) t# Q) Z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time8 F' [- s* G, j c) @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' x( w* j& k! d- Z2 J
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! W4 m) q+ N0 ^6 E5 A* C
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 ~) A4 J4 w7 o0 Q% K+ [
> > employment experience.& b% p7 G9 A% |) _
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 s4 t9 m* A7 T. e+ ]. _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 r9 G) e+ K+ X- L
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ }# I! G6 [. @
> > directed elsewhere.
