To all Employees:7 F; T" o' W* ^" V; X
> > Effective January 2007 / V0 `. n3 c+ Z/ y& M; l> > % E: q& N. v5 W) V2 Z. b9 N> > Dress Code. J5 y# H; q- ?1 Y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 w8 t8 W# v; E8 T, T/ i
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing 8 l( h4 n. {+ h8 n% e> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 3 T" ^8 z0 o* Y: a9 i> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not1 z x- P" @ \! x% P b% M( H3 J
> > need a pay raise.9 b" |' B3 d2 i. h: q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# a% O7 Z! g! p( r+ o
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer 6 ^! [7 d0 c, d/ ^8 I> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.( C0 ?$ y; a& w( {! n; F3 n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ C9 ?9 x6 a* d- A7 ]7 i
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ) M5 J8 P. Q' f3 E4 _> > raise.* Z0 [3 N1 d) [
> > + S" ]; A+ N. s5 k/ W3 y! z# C> > Sick Days & ~7 v2 F0 s& R4 s& }> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! q. l& v' J! A4 ^
> > proof of sickness. ; K$ D) m8 q% K/ @& L) g7 @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ y5 a/ k7 X- f, d
> > to come to work. 2 ]. F# G! q4 Y% q1 f8 a> >8 I5 {* h2 Y. r1 ]) [
> > Holiday Days0 @0 V+ n7 n; x8 j. L3 ~
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 1 i4 B) ?8 L2 t- |> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. 0 s7 O, t- E( S( d8 Z> >( f! d6 P' z8 _. o
> > Compassionate Leave3 u8 q- k& N( P
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing ) y. x$ X( H8 \- N7 A/ N% z- A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- : l9 c6 T( W. H* _> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 6 R# _* Y$ ]! j! |- d9 `9 |# _> > employees attend to the arrangements. , e% n& {; @' N' c> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 L g2 d8 W4 Q' o" O: E8 J
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: w9 R- ?. j7 k; J* h! F2 L( w' ?
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work . }" |( `/ b6 `7 c& A- ^9 N8 M> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# h& Y% g: h4 M: r0 l8 h& F
> > hour early. u. \* |( ^1 J# U Z( Y> >, O9 O, {6 L) E7 q
> > Toilet Use . ]- D- M# C9 X> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) y! r0 L3 }! C- q( \
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 6 F, l+ a }7 W" W' }* z> > in the cubicles. - w' ~+ t( r% s6 J* l. M> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 8 Z' B2 S, v' }> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 ^2 L0 U. a: F+ [
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. " c0 Q: e7 \- E. }$ `$ N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 w+ k6 _! A; C! V) @" k& l7 a4 }
> > posted on the company notice board under the x4 C6 R0 Z# q. W& a; H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( Z' _ x0 J T( D" n Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be 7 x* g: U# G; l# ` f q0 `; R3 f> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 0 O& ?! I/ S; G. }" e5 S> > policy.) c ]7 t6 r) w: J6 q
> > 9 Q* t2 I( J& D7 B6 m$ Y- r9 u> > Lunch Break/ @ W% @* c( D0 n* Z
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they & |+ d' t5 B2 C2 @" t7 t5 X6 l) ?> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. & s8 n0 h3 r P% Z# h3 c I; _> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 z0 m5 y- H! L9 C! j- L( k! h) V
> > maintain their average figure.( S6 I) f5 m; o! I- q% T
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" |% B. w' f+ k0 L" t) t& o) ?
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 r) H% A& `* J, M) z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( B `" K1 M) _+ n5 q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 \- T1 A5 X$ P" D7 j) E9 O
> > employment experience./ K/ k6 F+ W1 V
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ R2 t5 a4 G+ }
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 7 Z- ?& F5 S4 ^9 H> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 2 V3 t0 s$ X2 X> > directed elsewhere.
