To all Employees:" J. s' i: n% j
> > Effective January 20071 }( l4 `( O& R3 O; I8 _5 D
> >7 h9 t4 b/ a5 D4 ^% O: |) I+ Q( [
> > Dress Code& V. R$ L( k3 v* j1 U/ u) p
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed 3 r1 p( n- u& Z j7 A) _0 U> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 I+ Z0 x5 C7 u! W# g
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume! n! t. P: v0 \! Z; m* q2 C
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not - s; b6 {' G& Z; s> > need a pay raise. 2 V9 R- |- u& p1 q" @5 @! |+ g$ b> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& v- ]; e3 r* W' V( L
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! g0 ~9 r$ J5 W6 J. @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. $ v8 g+ i# D9 m3 B5 R" ~ U> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 e+ E' D* U) S) e
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! c2 @$ O( r* b5 v
> > raise. + t" y6 r& W( O> > 7 g. F& l$ d8 I> > Sick Days9 M+ L1 a c! G6 W7 j
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as h, p- g5 K& @, L* R) w
> > proof of sickness.% Y3 G. L9 ?7 }0 B* R
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able " q) R) u5 X7 R2 l4 R' t> > to come to work., b6 H3 `6 R' d5 ?! v2 X
> > ' K8 K' H* a' M7 p ]5 h> > Holiday Days, d% H2 F9 }' n! a% Z u
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 0 L7 D; G% t0 R3 Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: J4 j6 D$ c2 ]3 b* I, Q
> > 5 s' R) y3 x1 n, J3 ^> > Compassionate Leave7 f, @2 p2 x: Z, ^0 r
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: N$ K1 v7 z$ w
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- 5 j2 e& ?$ [1 F> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- B6 ]2 q' ^- L+ l" S> > employees attend to the arrangements. 8 y Z! i) F# ?0 ?4 k> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- J) I! M% V k3 Z; @& \# F
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the ' x1 B7 O" F1 i, p/ m/ S> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work x7 z! J( `7 O8 b: W r
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# H9 u4 P3 u i& N
> > hour early. ; \: @: K; A- m3 R4 d> >0 H8 ]- w8 Z1 R, Y
> > Toilet Use ; R, ~( P. p4 L9 X. S# C9 O> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the % }8 F6 E1 x3 J% t6 A; } N0 {> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 3 z; b# y3 U/ c; r> > in the cubicles. 6 I. H* {" h! d) w; i> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 7 s! ~# P' [( q4 D6 f$ V> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 V9 v7 M( A9 ^* p5 X+ k* q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 7 g! @" Q' t$ |> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 5 i' X" q* F8 v9 k> > posted on the company notice board under the% V( @9 d9 p' R7 _, p6 C' ~
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( ]. g; V3 ^/ H4 K8 x# H1 t9 w
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' t" U! ?! Y, g
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health % ]. f: s$ |3 L4 O> > policy.1 t" D- D. J9 b7 X$ I2 P, a
> >- z% t9 a6 j; i3 {- H/ |! G0 i
> > Lunch Break3 g' c% ?8 F8 ^& a# p! L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# h w- q, V2 R2 j/ e
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. $ e) T! a2 p9 j m# I' x> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 4 U0 n" o% N, f, g: j. @> > maintain their average figure.* N4 P# q" H I0 l3 w
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time * O& f( L+ M$ |( i5 B' |% j7 @* `> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., b/ _6 H, ]! {) C1 x) R
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 R& _2 \2 D3 ?7 m
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 E+ H! T( a; F) b
> > employment experience.8 x' g: {& ~: x3 i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ R! v) L* |5 \. i/ K1 @* \
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) i8 G# r% H0 d' ^+ }9 ~8 Y3 S, u
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) W. ^; t! U- t4 `; _/ {5 X1 d
> > directed elsewhere.
