To all Employees:. a# B& q/ o& ?- S, L X
> > Effective January 2007+ \( V5 _" o8 `0 K* R/ W8 `% w4 T7 D
> >: o4 G; Q* n" Z1 {/ N/ P# Y
> > Dress Code% S3 k/ K6 u' A) g) g& t/ C: H
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed & C& }2 i7 } V! P- t> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing " z9 i) D9 s, ?: H> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 7 B3 ?( `9 n; x, F! ]$ p: n> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ g) j( t9 [& p. D" }
> > need a pay raise. A: D& R6 h, d: v% ^, I3 Q> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ g& r1 m! T* `& S3 E4 a
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 d9 V6 q8 l( S3 N& `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. ( ~/ J1 i& l0 w- h6 n> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( s# M4 I) r, ]0 `5 N
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! k; L! j# _& g, l
> > raise.2 d& R- {3 b5 G( A- O: @
> >$ W0 P8 c0 m4 I# V' V
> > Sick Days- v/ Z/ X& A+ @4 c+ W1 n
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% s2 p/ b& w: A1 l/ p7 k
> > proof of sickness. : c$ u8 w% q$ f/ Q8 c. S> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able : i9 C; g* A. U0 z) @8 l+ [> > to come to work.4 n3 R3 q' D" R m9 D& l+ h
> >0 _ ]% h. }& e! z; o g7 s/ W' p& e
> > Holiday Days S# K) Y% c) h/ `! l( r8 g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 8 c: E9 f+ K+ V6 a" u: T- m> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- l. r: \3 [7 c$ {. Z
> >% t9 `! L1 _3 V
> > Compassionate Leave% O) ]2 Z. g0 a( g" N# h8 U
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 E C* x% b. p% o6 L
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- % l$ h8 O; ?: M% m5 F, p* w; Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( H2 A" z% d5 N3 A( S
> > employees attend to the arrangements. 0 M L; W0 I1 i( d# A> > In rare cases where employee involvement is ' z2 z" x: J% w7 M, P2 K4 \/ q) V> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 4 g5 v- S. C, T+ j> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ q/ ~. h: S" i, C* q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one / p" s9 e, l: S- r+ O) ]- _> > hour early. % J: m2 h) `* [6 H7 V" i# V* w$ S> >9 v- w& t3 {5 c# J* J' ]
> > Toilet Use : [# h3 h4 N1 Y9 M8 {> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 ~& V! C* Y: E& E' s/ m
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; U0 [# `5 i8 @. K' H
> > in the cubicles.% \/ L* n- I+ \# r- l5 [& w9 o2 p* V' h
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- s# g7 B8 k/ u8 S9 M& X+ f M
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle ( v- B6 f/ |) k$ C$ z- o' R> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 Y- m0 c2 l0 m7 i, \6 t
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 I+ k+ ]" C% i# r
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 @" `. \- h$ v2 [2 Y# _
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 H7 \0 v0 h, ^- u2 G& U. z4 x
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& @- S' {' n5 G! O- O8 C
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 \. g9 w# g1 p& B: e1 E
> > policy.3 D4 C; G& [0 N# ]3 F! l
> > L0 U4 H: f Y4 i+ a9 G' J
> > Lunch Break ! \0 @, x1 v9 ?1 O7 v# J> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they / M l) J# H8 X( f0 f+ d% D' ~> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ P5 W" u4 a0 ~, s8 \
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 Y. K) D1 G5 }0 J
> > maintain their average figure.2 r N G8 d O! G2 Y, U' |) _; j
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 Y4 S8 f% G* F/ f0 j) l1 c" g# G
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. . H3 j- s4 S0 f6 B> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( N M j# D0 d) x# ~$ i, T
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive * L1 `/ a+ I. x3 Y> > employment experience.* B( a# J0 H2 ~
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," S3 h/ x" z4 {: L; ^- ?! ?
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, * `8 t- `. k/ s" Z. P> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 5 \( q W. L, Y8 N! |0 Z' Y> > directed elsewhere.
