HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:3 M& c2 y; s- _" Y
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
  p  r, O: X' r+ U' \) o# {5 C> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed! D7 _! K6 P. K7 h7 M
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 p+ ?, m/ C0 O- @> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) [1 x( Q/ S6 Q7 w- K> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 D' \# B: ]. m* P  w
> > need a pay raise.
7 m* ]+ v+ v% `2 a5 R* g> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' D: K( O) C6 q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 b4 z3 O4 d) s0 U+ W7 `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. f/ M( w. e' |$ C9 q, ]> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 u/ K; e' \5 j" w# s  g/ i
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% x5 m1 U$ O/ N$ ^7 \> > raise.& C% p0 _+ v, }- ~8 N4 [9 X
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> > Sick Days
: [# v4 }' }5 L! Y7 c  [6 o5 B* Q1 S> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* v1 Y. ~/ z3 q: I. d6 H; P' w: b> > proof of sickness.6 M" R* k" {' |( {- Q  ?+ q' T% w
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ @# c, z/ i. \2 N- p
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days! s8 \  G# N3 W6 E2 v
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 S6 b! ~- P% s& l2 K2 K
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
6 b- O2 q3 F: o> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 [6 j+ B  ~7 a: j. L0 G& V> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: r3 O# r2 d9 ?% o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& ], ^  Q$ e+ x' u7 Z$ J
> > employees attend to the arrangements., v) C, T; Q3 c* h& V: |( I4 p  t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
' S, U; X; ^' L; m1 X, @> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
  P( I! f. x# f1 c8 ]> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ V7 I+ `2 h' x& m; Z! v# q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ o$ w$ ~7 b0 F. \6 F' e' d* x9 \
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use* j+ H9 @% y: b6 ?
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 a  q- ]0 R( V( ^6 R
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
5 Y6 m0 s; P9 U- T1 T1 K) D> > in the cubicles., a9 v; O9 R% [4 e% S( K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 a7 a  B: F5 i) \# ~
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 e% [5 h7 n% q" z- K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 s' v% z1 i; V9 Q' B
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' z: F$ B$ _1 s; b& W- @$ E5 j1 k5 i
> > posted on the company notice board under the% Z. Z$ x+ R2 P  G  _* f  K) f
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 d5 D6 }$ I) I1 X! r+ [; ~# w+ z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ T& o9 l4 H, y' s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 _% t6 M% v9 L! n$ _% b! m& d> > policy.
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- ]2 P/ P0 o1 j+ z% _5 {> > Lunch Break
4 S2 z. d% M3 o' \; X, t5 R4 K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ e; h3 `2 ?3 A, u, c) k> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 M" _" R& _- d7 H7 j/ \
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! n( ^  p% f; X, ^2 l> > maintain their average figure.6 M8 V/ n" G# o) O) o
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time+ A8 R2 s2 |) b3 o4 P& z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 p# {% r) @' m/ C> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
$ w" w7 {: D# c) R$ `$ o* u6 u6 v> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 g9 H+ l' ]5 c$ R1 Y( w
> > employment experience.
; x2 R+ l% T/ ^" D4 p" ^> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! e( p) u/ g- y) g5 U
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 F) R5 u( I, {( M# h; \. q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# N8 Y5 L* I# R. _6 A/ s> > directed elsewhere.