HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 ?9 u1 K2 }8 O
> >                     Effective January 20075 q2 v, E( P9 A9 d' {* c
> >
) {  z$ S8 }0 D' T7 G5 Q1 m> > Dress Code  d- u# g0 l4 j; }: D$ T6 _/ @
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
' K! k2 O' n* r0 v0 u) \* R; F> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing# H4 Z. q8 W( M4 {4 C2 |: @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 q0 Y: H1 M9 B) Y
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 J0 I' M; h2 Q7 V/ S! l> > need a pay raise.
* i6 A9 O+ v+ j8 a! n( f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage( m5 J9 t5 h& _4 D) o
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer0 b' \4 y* }/ a5 }- w+ s9 K7 g! e! K
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.' L' s( Z/ Z3 e7 f3 a  [
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 R) X+ I7 N8 g; j* m> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay0 O) Q- `5 o6 m5 J0 }7 k% S
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
" Z+ k4 w0 r1 J* c" R7 o# F> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ k  A( h$ T/ m6 F- Q> > proof of sickness.
. K9 J- q+ `2 v. n$ l2 D> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able  h& R- @, P+ d# q
> > to come to work.; H: H% p7 J+ a$ }& I6 f7 r
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> > Holiday Days
- v" _% k7 z6 O& y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a3 o- R' I' C% O1 R
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# F$ u+ B2 w( V
> >
- k* c! f/ @; p9 `0 j1 ?) n> > Compassionate Leave
, F( ^4 @) {/ ~2 R8 x  c> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing( J3 h! s' _7 \) Z6 ~- T% @
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- J* i' \' q' [9 L; W' p
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 x6 J( N8 Z* r* @1 ~+ v> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' P, c/ B9 w* ~' O- ]- b: J5 ~3 ], M> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  U6 r% z$ G  A2 j3 }$ z4 w
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
5 E% U# ~5 ^2 |! j- X% ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  x1 ]" Q% L9 n, `9 |> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ `! |1 C1 g) C- `- }> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
7 Y6 w6 e! L* @, d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: F2 g3 U5 q, v; V2 Z8 ~% U; v
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit( o" n& k- }  @' D' e
> > in the cubicles.& R! n0 h. E  y* ]$ ?3 t7 a3 y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ v9 }$ w" t3 N, e6 n; ~
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% k) P6 o' Y* Q" K0 o( u
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; ~" H8 t2 ^( s' I+ @* L$ X- I> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( I, S. n2 s% H3 M4 I
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 b% k2 g) q2 J) l2 W" o7 k3 r
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- c* _. O  ~& i
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
) q* X( A1 ]) J. p) p> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
, @! W/ z9 D- m6 q5 o1 V' }9 X> > policy.
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$ q, H  s) q; E* ~. g> > Lunch Break
  V! h+ J  \5 f4 f0 E> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 j$ ~" s5 n1 d+ e8 K% m7 y2 _
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 M. F) o; l$ Q2 |. s' j. u> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) |3 l/ r% r, }& h' y" g; b2 Q+ \> > maintain their average figure.
6 m( O- E' _- I  e& U> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' l& r  G- v3 s+ C& F- z# d> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: b& C/ }* T6 }. ^  C, q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( p8 Q3 W( j! [6 q# P
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ B9 F5 l8 t" M) O2 \
> > employment experience.. b2 y; a) C' T0 C2 k/ a0 y5 Y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 C% k! e3 e4 {7 J* h. p
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 d. T/ J5 k9 F' F* p; A' a7 O> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 R, B5 K1 A0 E5 ^> > directed elsewhere.