HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:- l$ P6 W0 F0 O$ b/ y: H: i
> >                     Effective January 2007, M2 J2 V6 Q  r/ f2 A1 U0 O
> >: O* L* c- Q; b' H
> > Dress Code, H  h- v, ]1 @1 Z9 B6 |6 z. ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  p  I% H9 ?2 Q: t" @> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# |3 m! j7 S- l- e3 R) o# v> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' k0 c' `2 V' X
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
" U: _. m! \* D5 w$ f5 H> > need a pay raise.
6 [. }, h. [; H* A  B> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 A/ X/ R. S" l! ^" N
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" C3 f8 K2 j7 T9 E- w. G' M7 f4 C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.# G5 k: }" O+ o/ X  n% _
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 B( f/ j/ A: q- P1 F
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 E: _% j* y: [+ d- p; }7 r> > raise.. Z; n  a: \  N0 N
> >
! l- F  Y/ F+ p) x8 W6 l! w8 ]> > Sick Days6 J3 v! b0 \2 k& |
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as1 K4 Q) y5 {9 h- i
> > proof of sickness.
# P( J. W# ^" a/ }> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ e7 J$ q- i2 \
> > to come to work.
$ }8 U& h) O3 ~> >. d6 f1 J! v  p; {
> > Holiday Days9 X( w  D9 M5 ~/ _" `: L
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: y% J. a5 F4 J  D& m
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! D' Q5 L8 s$ y( C$ ^4 ^. d
> >
, D% S/ b! r" h7 ?3 d5 F> > Compassionate Leave- W% i9 `4 ^$ p* X
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 E9 i0 R# o% D( k* }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 v8 p/ g) U8 o; }0 l6 @
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; o( }4 L0 w% t
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, ^" A: T) D6 u2 A$ E# a  v7 n> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 X# b$ ^6 F: g% N4 a$ n% ~> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
5 p9 }/ z8 f' K- q> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! T- e) r* t% ^/ i% p6 D9 r8 l3 W> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) K, c( e. |7 y7 i7 P
> > hour early.. {, B8 f; [' F. [7 ?# r2 H/ ^" q
> >
: I# V: \2 T7 S+ S. N8 ~> > Toilet Use3 _& r0 b2 h& x$ \0 _4 t7 t8 V6 W
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
* h+ o+ d0 b7 K  V1 N> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* p* l+ A, S! [; n3 }
> > in the cubicles.; ^" v0 q0 o  d
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 [+ T- T" E  ~+ P
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 m. J- @7 c0 D> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ t) \) h1 _! R0 x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# W# Q" b3 t2 i/ {9 S
> > posted on the company notice board under the( y4 n! R# ~6 |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
/ T4 u/ c% O$ h2 p> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% }1 P  o( m4 Z# a: N
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( |2 a( u! S; e3 ~
> > policy.2 s  G. K7 G# w6 b2 E
> >& O) h+ s: V+ g7 t- o
> > Lunch Break
$ A) }. h& J4 p* e% A9 I* a> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 S' v4 Q. L: p# f2 R
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.3 B' E2 v& l6 j: l) I
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 ^8 u( ]& V$ P> > maintain their average figure.0 g8 w/ W/ j: b+ U* T8 z+ M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* C: n0 |+ D' |3 e2 n% n> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& X8 M' R$ ~* M7 b6 M4 v% p+ e
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 Q5 H) x' Q, o5 q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 s, ?3 d0 W- D9 o, k1 |
> > employment experience.
, K' ~4 {, u& _8 G/ ]/ N> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,; E3 x  b4 T/ D1 b: _% x" e
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" }. T3 l) ~+ h* o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! T1 ^& m# E7 m# ^( q, I> > directed elsewhere.