HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; o0 B; b; c5 J4 D) \
> >                     Effective January 2007
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; z: ~: u0 a, d3 B# N: ~' \( b> > Dress Code% k1 X' ?; L1 }0 y/ A* u
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* d' A5 K- W/ d9 Z3 u1 }% `1 e1 J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 l5 w' Q3 Q' i, V2 T" L, `% G
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) U1 z; }' D  Z  \) I
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- y, F$ C5 b/ c( Q> > need a pay raise.
5 s3 e1 D* r( P+ g0 C6 q5 T  p" a> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage( \% T; e* j: d  V+ |
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 a( H" _) O! e9 X  r/ d$ f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., c6 J: P) r& f3 q4 G% i
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ S7 a* o/ v; v/ p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 A# e( |! p2 g# B( D8 V
> > raise.
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  K9 s8 z: L7 `- Z2 Q> > Sick Days% u' n% j& @6 R0 [
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% H8 C6 n& p& _% B) i# W
> > proof of sickness.- ]! L- i: E2 ~/ E7 ]
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 C+ A: f% |* s" n9 [# B3 ^
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
8 e* ^* `; Y% A6 W# W$ w+ U> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! v: ^8 ^: _" E! o- M- ~1 A
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., v% ?' A' ]0 F8 x; f7 M) v
> >; K$ m) ^# ]( b5 J+ f$ N7 I
> > Compassionate Leave' ]4 T" o/ Z. G7 X
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing  E0 S$ g8 e. F7 l0 @3 W
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( X7 C" S3 k$ r: h: t. |& E> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  L( j+ }) H% }& s0 o> > employees attend to the arrangements.% ]5 c1 e% Y# m5 m+ v
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& _  m6 N. g6 m
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! v5 y4 a  [0 [$ @8 L, g; t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
5 h- X0 d. ?- Z0 R, r> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 _+ @$ d4 d+ h; R/ J/ e> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
( S; v6 U$ u( D+ a4 d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ `0 q; i6 i8 }! o> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: }$ V0 Z" K* Q
> > in the cubicles.
3 L2 m7 W& p( H- L$ `( y. s! o> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 r* h* ~( v, K( T* A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" _0 h' o, @/ r0 u' E/ K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., H/ }9 O" k0 m% c3 n5 b9 G
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( k( \8 w% m8 G1 S; o> > posted on the company notice board under the
) h, t6 G! w5 ]( C; e- l  ~> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 ]3 K/ ?2 K+ l# B3 y- Y% |/ ?
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ k2 O- i* e0 ]& Z, D1 h; I> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% A/ \; p) ^# u! R1 m  C6 ^
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
- [( d, R! h$ x$ ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; L2 P! {' C% v% `> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( O2 j/ X8 P$ |/ `
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* {$ ]* p) u5 T' l& }  ~! R% R
> > maintain their average figure./ b) l9 e. b) F- Q- d7 y' S' Y- `
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: n0 ]% ~2 P* ^7 r> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% a, \/ W7 S' N: i' y1 y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are  l3 r. }  E/ V$ f  l9 p
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% {) v0 M4 I2 d> > employment experience.
- D* u2 ~+ ]: A7 U) O4 n8 h> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" {/ `7 ]$ r5 R' p5 W6 _2 u> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ N3 u! y$ U$ m, n
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 J2 l8 t, E! S& L/ |: ^> > directed elsewhere.