HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) d- Y7 c( j; T4 P> >                     Effective January 2007% n, H0 }+ o# L, D; M$ l1 Z$ J
> >5 G7 w+ b; |$ v$ J" W  j
> > Dress Code
2 T6 ]6 B2 H- F, l> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: {0 X1 M$ M: f: S1 R' E  ~> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 K* b! ~( K6 {
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 a5 k' o" D( \' [$ v" X, k/ S> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not1 Y1 j5 d0 y, b  x! C5 _0 `
> > need a pay raise.
3 l& N" a8 j* ^! a> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 x: d+ z0 g/ h- @> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' F& I* t5 H$ ^' j6 g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 I+ D  Z9 }! M" K- K, H
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& i, ]8 W  ?9 r8 J+ d# {$ p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! a1 g; w0 }: N5 f' _
> > raise.3 t" Y5 t0 U/ T. P' Y4 a
> >
2 C* v) U1 I1 T  N: d> > Sick Days. A8 L0 _; l; y; a$ t
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. R" X; S- y3 B  r
> > proof of sickness.
8 s" b! [' X1 E4 [  q! p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ o, Y4 Z  {$ h
> > to come to work.
" e& V: D  w  ~6 q4 o> >
& x$ S% x/ D2 x( u  }4 ]4 @0 G1 V> > Holiday Days' s% E) l! }2 f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ n% e% R2 v8 g, A3 w# Q+ K
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
  t' Q7 k& I" _6 O# K4 [2 o. y> >
$ G, {0 v7 j9 n5 V3 R> > Compassionate Leave
. ?, N/ _9 `& ~2 X' X8 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 q* c$ |6 A! [3 A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. k/ C8 W" w( i3 g  \: i: x
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  i) \- t2 N% p2 t> > employees attend to the arrangements.
" A3 G# X" i$ T( l6 ^9 S% K2 Z% }> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 Z! X" w, ]8 f9 m
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ ^% a- U  J7 k# B9 r
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! }% i1 ~, z" e
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: {$ V6 g9 F' h& B9 g6 l9 I> > hour early.) q6 ]. |4 E# A$ o, k1 D' \
> >5 ?+ T. N. |1 Z3 J2 q: k3 E
> > Toilet Use, p, S* \& N/ J- c- W7 J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; c: F5 o' Q5 p" B' C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 e1 R# C; m( S2 k$ G9 ^- M
> > in the cubicles.$ o1 O4 T% H6 G$ O  e" J7 W
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' U+ R7 C3 ^; B% v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 c0 F6 W- m# v/ D) Y) a% A> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 o& y. C1 x" B3 T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 l  [' |7 N/ i* M6 k$ C/ l
> > posted on the company notice board under the& }9 u, A! g/ t% p9 W
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 e$ P( c+ _1 W; s9 K+ s
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, s  V6 A8 W% k% [( [# K4 Q$ z1 x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' p' R, O  ~% m/ F# j: n1 T
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break/ o" ]; b7 E' }
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ S) Y  X" i9 S3 I, j- @> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 ~  ]& y2 C; p9 \; @> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
  I+ Q4 o  a& Z> > maintain their average figure.
* |7 x1 u9 O. W. y8 Z) x% Q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 k+ S, m2 e& H: S/ H> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* M: X, l; i4 @. r! y. s% C) K* G> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 Y; V# i5 r" o: s8 ~
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 p) C; W7 V. ~0 h5 e+ M> > employment experience./ q8 F, m# H. K3 p* w. `
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 f4 I8 ?$ T, A0 a* O9 a5 I> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,: @( D  y+ U6 r, d
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 {6 N! {: f% Z2 T> > directed elsewhere.