HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:' H3 g7 K/ K7 G3 D8 T7 c4 s
> >                     Effective January 2007
& m8 I- Y. f! w" |& ~( n; d( |> >$ K) ~- r8 s8 k
> > Dress Code7 C- Q. L4 F9 \) P" k
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, G+ t, l) ?, E1 A' S- j
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) t" \1 O5 x6 k# d; d/ T$ z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
  c* M( f: c( y: z" a8 W" j3 ^$ N> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# H! l7 [* g4 y  z2 s: }
> > need a pay raise./ p; b3 f" J6 c* N
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& A- p+ n6 D. A9 }: l) Z2 ~" c
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer  q+ [! D1 H% k9 }/ {! y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 s5 ]& P- m9 H, C! Y2 N( O; M( A
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& L& ?1 S4 t/ H' O$ e4 R8 c> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
! B5 W% K3 n& q" M6 i2 R> > raise., I- M2 i! e* g3 T0 x- ~- C
> >) ^' ?  T: r1 Q; v( U, i
> > Sick Days
7 F8 P) g6 K7 ~0 Q> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 s. }8 i% E/ R7 N" l6 T> > proof of sickness.
2 a! M1 d/ D' F1 h> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
& P" s5 M) D) e2 G( O0 a> > to come to work.3 b! s' q; G* }, x1 U
> >9 W* U! \8 \( C# C9 f5 }. T6 W- w( w
> > Holiday Days
' [% S. B; l5 T' S3 F4 X" Y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: W( I5 c  R( [, b> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
% w7 @0 t" E% O# f2 [> >8 p0 ~8 f, B4 F0 X8 \
> > Compassionate Leave
. e: j* q+ l1 G5 ]* V> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 J9 G5 j) q; \> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) p4 q) t7 t0 {' b+ T
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ ?- [* p4 T" [6 V- g> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ i. N2 W" m- `( t) S. }8 z5 N9 @
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* J3 S3 E2 U8 Q' f" {0 o! D3 F
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ o0 d5 n4 l& K# e> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 K: }0 c' r* |$ Q8 d7 N5 N! j
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one- t3 {# C6 k. E, f% _
> > hour early." G+ a% R* z5 e% ~. j
> >
* C) _) C" s- m$ k* Q0 y7 y( L/ |> > Toilet Use  R# C' h# [. q: |
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 H, F3 k4 @0 o. A* Q0 Y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 V- U5 a5 c+ w) ?1 S
> > in the cubicles.
  C. R! h( Q2 R, J" Z0 q> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 d# t1 H/ E; \- u$ K
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' m8 `# f4 {. X8 r  J) N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 L1 o. G$ h6 i1 d+ m> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) z" x8 Q* s0 {7 k. Y
> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 I5 Q% O# B  f8 s0 N8 @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 W( \6 M+ Y' M. m% f5 O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 b* e+ i/ G5 \8 k
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
% Y  F. x. b% r) G* ~4 R4 l# m> > policy.
- T9 m6 P$ [( X3 @# F> >! s9 X+ Q" T6 M9 }& A9 V& ^
> > Lunch Break
* e4 q% m7 ]4 c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 q* G- M' B7 [
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 I6 V! Z- i" n/ \1 s# E) P# k. a> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 N3 H- g6 w" E0 B> > maintain their average figure.
2 O6 Q! A& n0 Q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 P+ C+ @  F+ \. D
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( G. t& c; O- D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  b. s( N6 y5 R; i/ W/ c* P$ k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- |# L2 g. V2 y# q. s
> > employment experience.5 i$ G! E) V" m4 o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 b; @% V- e& k" C1 k4 i2 W6 T( x" K
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 @4 W3 ~8 h5 S4 Z7 A- [, g
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) Y4 K; d* j+ v4 o; B
> > directed elsewhere.