HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 ~% S# V" q3 _9 V# J+ _> >                     Effective January 2007! ]( u, O- k& f+ y
> >
& x- q2 @8 h) }3 q& g: C1 A> > Dress Code5 O( V5 q2 @$ i$ z8 S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 Z8 C5 n) V8 g5 \- x2 ^> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- f, W: t* C6 z9 ^' _" P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; w6 r4 e  L7 K2 Q
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( G1 B9 F7 D6 a8 z! H
> > need a pay raise.
# g% H; C: _+ {5 V3 \> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 g% [9 @9 ?, t( J. T> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
$ ^0 j9 J8 e& ^$ o> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! V. p5 R  ~( h/ f- O5 Q1 }
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ [) @# B! x2 J# l# [> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& i) m; ?% n0 e
> > raise.1 Y1 }, z3 q3 g5 L2 q2 v; {
> >: V% v/ l8 A9 N7 B, x& F8 R5 J
> > Sick Days1 ]1 y* ~, G1 ]3 v( E4 x
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  n' t( p. @. q/ D+ E
> > proof of sickness.
. ^' `" O" ~& A/ e- B+ t> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' Z5 }, K9 }) ~; v
> > to come to work.
$ M) @9 J9 \& R( O; @$ }! O6 ^1 f> >
. [& I6 f5 m; {5 E. Z/ z> > Holiday Days/ r! K' p" l5 C6 I
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a; u/ O3 o. _5 O. c
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.4 P/ n' M, b! {* u3 {
> >
* ?* A. E% z* f* Q9 \, ~2 z% i> > Compassionate Leave. [' K% K3 Z9 x6 y$ S5 E
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 ~- g; K! M) j& I) T# j- K0 i> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* y- m. g* `) D! e
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& M2 Y5 R; ~7 E) u> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 F5 T4 i9 Y8 ?4 V/ k
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 j( u1 X: `# X+ O: P7 S> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ _: r! ]& D" q+ W: y  t0 e> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ c2 P; |: u1 m! I$ L5 h$ M- P  y% j> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! l9 ^6 S4 Y  C) n, b. m- ?
> > hour early.& L9 ^! J4 L% m$ g0 e
> >4 ], }2 g* J5 \. r2 Z; f7 d+ g
> > Toilet Use6 B; E* a; A* X5 u
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: N  Q/ H5 O. o' |
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: c" U) F6 l" q; r* R0 z) |2 f( e2 ^' a
> > in the cubicles.0 [6 @8 X2 w- T% L* p0 f
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! p0 p, g0 J8 [! ]8 N1 i> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& i$ M$ V9 V' |, v/ o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 t$ E  `) y2 \2 J8 h: z! Y7 Q5 D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 _( b0 Z! U* z, U4 u/ w> > posted on the company notice board under the6 d) v7 _4 f) A% D" \8 t& Y  |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' F! E2 v" K+ M( H8 a
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" b& K" j! [% ?, A/ I8 _/ ?
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; W8 A3 e& G- W$ o& r, \0 h> > policy.9 T3 X2 J' E; U5 [# y3 s, g
> >) b6 @8 T% }* _4 G) O  V3 P
> > Lunch Break
  B% Q; O2 Y8 O- C> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
" f! Y; v' }; m1 u1 ~5 J> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; `$ t/ \, X* h7 ?% a+ z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( ?8 c, M9 w) Z5 n+ M1 `. O
> > maintain their average figure.% B/ m8 T% ^6 }7 k( T+ r
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( I* e2 M0 F0 _: t. N8 m
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- O1 h2 i/ i6 p6 b: {# r1 q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' B5 f- l, b  X+ c8 S
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 J8 i6 W, {: N1 z
> > employment experience.# O( w6 P- F9 B# Q$ g) g
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  e: ~9 X, w: J" t> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" g! r7 `5 c' k1 x> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ v# _' o/ Z0 `+ ~8 I+ N
> > directed elsewhere.