HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:7 X: X5 L) O! m% O9 v1 Z& f3 s2 Z
> >                     Effective January 2007  F) k2 W4 l1 H! T) q) r
> >; x6 h0 s5 R) r$ r2 ]& `' ~2 q/ D+ s* m
> > Dress Code
+ O+ a7 Q- ?" {* c4 \' y) ^+ ~% |> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% Z" C9 R6 x( w' ?
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 x5 E* ^' ?5 p& W  N; I
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& [/ h5 S: U5 X7 ~$ [# R' X$ ^1 `> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! x* W6 D4 i+ k  X6 |
> > need a pay raise., n: @4 T/ p7 t
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: {2 W* H; V) N! M* {0 x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! _5 }1 z) C" o9 I& `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: F# C. a& C: I' l* _9 [5 w- p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 ?7 ]- K: c$ L! W) {1 w' Z% t
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: ?" w" k# E* b( q% P9 z& X> > raise.2 u8 C- b4 r" L. a1 W; s
> >" `- [9 d% \6 p
> > Sick Days  x1 W. }+ U- ~3 ]2 x0 e
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 Q1 d+ [. o' W2 A7 R, e> > proof of sickness.
: H; W7 n# e/ n> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ @9 t0 R, U. g+ f1 a3 Y> > to come to work.
/ C( u; T% m  X+ o5 l5 x" z3 ]9 Z> >& k# I3 i7 [! l" y# K, H. r
> > Holiday Days
( C0 V8 q+ |' R8 {) p> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 C  Z4 V1 Y& U# b+ G& m> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& h& o" A0 Q' _& |& Y& R/ O+ s> ># p. ^; ^6 i0 p8 H
> > Compassionate Leave
3 l3 W" L7 Y. t4 D/ w: x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" \/ S3 i6 j. L& V
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 b  l5 a- \; h+ A# c9 _9 F1 `> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: Z6 V- n/ g# U8 y4 ]> > employees attend to the arrangements./ m$ @8 U+ {" _1 b7 X
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
2 t! S- T) P& m, c> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" y9 A/ W8 z- f7 r$ J8 B- A> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 Z, z/ J1 X5 R% @: C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  C2 b& a( Q% H5 |! ]> > hour early.
& n. N8 }* ]3 F5 _# J5 @9 T> >
! Z4 Q7 j( q; S  Y; c* G> > Toilet Use8 ?" C$ ?9 A( s, n. g* \: M9 N
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, u' P% `$ U- {& u3 ^
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. V5 ^! }+ F* E' z5 Q
> > in the cubicles.7 _; G$ s# S, I4 p1 d7 H6 O
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 B& F, n2 z9 y! A3 M7 `" C! ]8 k
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 p  e+ m1 d9 J( m+ ?$ X
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& u% q& N7 z3 B, O! q( Z( Q) x  `; O
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 e  {- \5 O% q4 f) M* v7 P> > posted on the company notice board under the
' I% U: L% G! \, ~. O2 n: A! u> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; X0 N7 U4 d6 I5 p" v4 Q9 f
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
+ g: L! b6 a, ^5 }" ?) M> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: P& H/ m" G3 |' c4 k. K2 @> > policy.
3 ?7 ~& ?$ Z, U3 J! @+ Y> >
2 Q+ S9 t+ g( L5 C" S5 a) c> > Lunch Break6 b# M3 K$ P8 w+ w
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
2 U$ H0 a6 e. `. D5 |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 R7 ~8 H) E3 [2 u. ~2 Z! ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 ?! w7 E+ o( d9 ~1 ?* \2 g> > maintain their average figure.
  l! q8 l' Q) k+ q- [> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time' j7 s5 z/ O' |. g% [' i" @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.6 I/ q. H! \: y+ F# s
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ i! @9 T, u# R# x* O0 \> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive% `7 P( R- z0 N0 P- C5 {
> > employment experience.  X) ^* y" i. t( s* |: [
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
( v2 L' K% F+ c5 A* ^2 j> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& Q& |" w/ b* ~  Y9 N  J0 M
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ `' f0 i: O: t3 l> > directed elsewhere.