HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
1 K- e* O5 R$ p> >                     Effective January 20077 {( J, l0 f% R: C6 Q
> >
' w( n% Q% J: |9 e" p- o8 Y> > Dress Code
6 c8 u, Y/ z& I! e7 ]> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ M- ^9 t0 g6 X% ]% E- K+ E% S# M% p> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: O0 U+ y4 t# s) N, r8 z/ Z4 B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 f/ D+ V3 b2 _/ i8 i* ^2 U0 `. A
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, e+ W( d# s# g' S4 O2 \1 @" U1 p) G' o> > need a pay raise.& B1 `  u# I* I4 W+ ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# _. L+ A0 T7 q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 \! |) u9 ?. D$ b* a+ R> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." C6 I$ ?) K: H+ W
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" @  @) ~! S. l0 F" X
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 O3 G" u& z2 C1 _6 }8 E> > raise.
- ?4 f  ^$ D8 [4 v, r; @> >
9 G8 E" j! t( A> > Sick Days
0 G. ?4 j; {: z- j( c9 h. h> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 {+ w4 Q& N/ K( O2 N: ^* b
> > proof of sickness.( U8 F0 E8 m  a# T# q% b# P0 O
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 U" ^# H$ D& |. ^2 m& l
> > to come to work., p& r2 X& V0 k: s0 c) w
> >0 n% T9 a- F. d& B
> > Holiday Days( D# U; X( D8 }& \  y. ]
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) Z+ ^  C7 B2 L# n
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
7 L) c3 a" _0 E: c6 {, J3 Y5 D7 c* G> >
. z5 H- ]+ L8 K. F* f) R$ J2 i> > Compassionate Leave
9 Q2 d* ]2 _' r, K: I7 r) |( s> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* y* |4 e2 `/ }8 @) A  g5 k
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& G' u5 }+ t6 A: Q* p> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- \! v4 g# t( F. B5 S6 G5 G& U; P- R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 l7 D: z2 s7 X5 K0 O, o* G
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
$ U; y, O+ B. z1 F" P> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! c5 U; \; B$ l+ x. O> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) m* ]) O! T- e1 t5 w> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 @3 H: d" q  L5 O& I) J  P/ D' y( p
> > hour early.1 z" u0 n. i, a! n
> >; ~" H4 ]2 ?- W" b7 j3 F/ z! w
> > Toilet Use2 `8 K: t; s/ I  s
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 ?9 x8 Q- O% b* L% Z* L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, a% T) q) ]! @& j7 [; p> > in the cubicles.& V3 m: F! J+ n" U3 B: n, e
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ [. M+ [: y7 O: ^; z2 }> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* u" |& Q5 Y' f7 h6 s! U
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; I0 }* [% r/ D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 J1 F& H( a6 @1 E  i
> > posted on the company notice board under the* Q% Q# U0 W; l' n5 K" d9 l
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; F7 e6 V# ?0 h" {/ i% `8 d# V
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 c3 z' f. h$ V* J& J6 G
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 S) R& Y& N0 L8 \/ q" z> > policy.
6 ~( S; W& E& h8 r, o/ b( b> >) g: e9 K( @: i; c
> > Lunch Break
, g2 t. N! L$ Z1 i( _> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 P  `) J$ l5 P9 E- ~
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.1 ^' B1 J  h. L
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- \$ @2 H7 p, W  X" J> > maintain their average figure.+ n) @. N2 Y9 O& m( b
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% H# Z+ ?) {3 u6 u) x> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." i' G! n! y3 s6 E
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
0 _0 B5 c/ _" ?8 _> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 ?6 [. L6 m1 X9 W: Z) Z
> > employment experience.
8 S" w) E2 B5 ^% p9 a( Z& a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,6 \) N% d* j! A5 e
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 _# G2 u6 k- y1 x  k' ^- m$ R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! M2 n6 w8 t4 C> > directed elsewhere.