HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ p# c2 z, P8 W/ ^: z, b1 F> >                     Effective January 2007% d1 }) y9 _& C* b4 a, w
> >; q* Q! `3 v( U. s
> > Dress Code7 J1 ?) k; g: ]1 S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 Q* G+ s- j" F, I/ u' |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 o/ P  T) J' P, s$ W( m, S
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 G" K  g# Z& @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
+ b3 `/ t$ x" j, H3 X" h1 `> > need a pay raise.
% y7 Y$ E% V8 _1 z- ?: X9 \> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, B& U9 q$ S4 \8 J4 _# L
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) ]1 S  O+ y; M- x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! [$ \2 ~4 Q0 B0 @
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 C5 Y4 |3 B. o> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% h; q( V. [1 x
> > raise.
7 J! j; ~! e& [> >' `0 S2 S# S4 X, w" C# D& }
> > Sick Days  i7 s1 o1 H% u& A9 f( X
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
; {# W5 V9 E) |5 h> > proof of sickness.: s5 q! k; j, r5 v( @9 B) B
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: Q; h: n3 s" }( I3 Z
> > to come to work.8 W- T7 F  m) U: Y
> >
. [, A' x# z/ f> > Holiday Days, f: K7 `  i3 X; @8 ?4 `
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; W2 p$ ]6 e' \3 g  a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 ]1 |, J" {# e- g7 c. w9 }6 ?" E0 Y$ O
> >
9 p2 E; f! N- i& \5 F( Q$ k> > Compassionate Leave/ W2 _% Q2 o: P3 D
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; K9 J) l3 h  g; U
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  A# ^$ f+ ?6 }+ P6 N  B- \/ R5 ~> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 ^: }; v& T( w6 w3 D* [
> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 P0 k8 H. p. g! Z) I: K
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 ~6 V0 k& _. D3 w: R" O> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' b: j% M5 _$ E5 J) v3 {& C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
+ H* P+ ?% g7 w9 f* \> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 _' d$ g- G! y2 c: n
> > hour early.+ [" |; e# V! `
> >3 `+ W, n- i5 a* U' N
> > Toilet Use, r4 i/ |9 U" Z, s
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 a! y; ?2 ?) L* Y; W8 S. a> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 T5 }% d  w$ I4 m" A3 m$ \5 F
> > in the cubicles.* O0 X8 O; v+ F& v# E6 s3 ?1 Y" H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- e/ C# g/ v: `  r: V. |9 S9 O: R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 Y9 n. j* E& F5 @  E
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 ~& c! p( x. {& m
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- @! \" I5 `9 q* l> > posted on the company notice board under the  F& W& z0 s9 v" w! e- ]5 [( g. w6 c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& y1 ]$ c- B5 g: r) X/ X$ Z8 L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 r) H/ \( H7 p. Z7 }0 Q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. U0 Z7 ^$ {' V+ G! `( i> > policy.% L( e. P2 v& ]
> >* F8 X+ c- K0 ?$ j* |9 o
> > Lunch Break
7 Y! B6 @. H6 A3 t: W: y! ^> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# ]- I$ n* X, Z( _* }8 O+ W) p> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.1 N5 f+ W( P. P/ f) D% `
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to# V& V* V/ P: h: m& z
> > maintain their average figure.
/ q$ J$ K0 A4 X" I+ T. p7 f; i# e> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( |: T$ r( _0 ]& F0 {
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 i, g  j# b- {" _! Q; q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 l9 j$ m: A$ r' p
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 \+ N' B9 @% ]. O> > employment experience.! P- _9 t4 c! i  t& [2 G
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
. v0 y8 }9 l7 H> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' u& Y: `$ z. P+ X0 @& ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 M0 O; o/ K7 t
> > directed elsewhere.