HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) }9 e" T$ V% A# B> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
' b8 U0 }5 b( v2 T6 r" R& H" d. o> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, b# L$ m0 Y/ u5 ~# g9 m> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' _) b  F" ^& c1 G9 a9 u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( W) P0 |1 }4 z8 K; `  s* a# v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ @  V% p$ ?# b$ _: i
> > need a pay raise.
( D2 V$ j* o6 u5 F; P/ g1 K& N> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 ]" h- o: G9 z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& [. x: B4 X! m9 c> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% s1 @  Y- \% T! k# Y. F6 s$ d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# W( [- F7 k5 x1 x/ F% l> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 s5 p, N0 |6 |6 W
> > raise., o5 Z, u; v# S' V  X
> >
$ x) q: \- t2 J6 S> > Sick Days$ d+ L+ s1 O4 O8 r2 l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 {$ e; F* n. A. y6 X
> > proof of sickness.
& P& ]8 J& T, V6 y; S  c> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 |6 s2 E; L+ L/ Q/ f> > to come to work.
: R! a7 F  c6 L> >
0 B3 h* F1 n. Y" b, N> > Holiday Days
* S! l4 y" ?1 w> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" }  Z6 M/ W* `  k% D- y8 `3 \
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
1 U7 `4 ^2 `& H& F> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- I  E1 u# g4 u6 _2 w
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 I; n9 \5 H& C+ i2 M8 [
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ U, E2 W5 U3 Z3 c/ r6 k) U0 H> > employees attend to the arrangements.
) ^' z! i4 [# q' N: a8 z. w> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
& j+ o2 E/ z, `) ^> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" @' l) L1 R0 v. B4 ~9 L$ D% V6 P> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
- o3 Q' \2 G9 s> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! k: }2 R6 }6 c7 a, N$ ~
> > hour early.
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1 S# b$ I' ~" l( B! |> > Toilet Use
# \' l3 B% F$ D# m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ f$ n2 n( v. U$ x" c
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; c% [6 j# }0 f: s- Z- l( F$ `3 n
> > in the cubicles.
7 J/ |- K' Z7 p# ^) S- H2 [# ]> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. Q8 Z2 [6 m; G* P5 C* l! _> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 o$ X, O5 ?+ k# `5 l8 U
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' i+ T( [1 w2 Q& q) a1 v; p  {
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' h1 l6 o: `& @> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 b# ~, a9 }9 b8 r' f: {> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( r' y4 T! d/ d- G% g3 l5 S6 [> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 g  x  ~. A8 @3 j$ A> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
( G- R" h9 u; d0 n" H> > policy., |# s: n6 p4 s
> >
+ M; J2 C8 u4 V/ T: D2 }> > Lunch Break
$ M3 p5 n! }2 |; v1 N> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% b$ }( n" {( {; H! o8 {6 H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 G# H2 Z0 e% U0 T! f) u
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
. e6 N" F& }1 v# V# ?0 v4 X> > maintain their average figure.# |. P6 h9 J8 S& P$ r5 p9 N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 I$ x( |8 r1 [' ^6 `
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
1 t4 w& z0 _; W: L+ }> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
* f# q# w9 n' D# O! a> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; e  p5 h) g7 v+ L> > employment experience.; v7 z, k4 p$ S
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
. w8 Z5 w9 W7 m% A2 N" S> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
0 l; q) g0 V: g) N2 c+ J. V> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
+ \# z9 l( n* `2 m( ~/ h5 l( h0 b: O> > directed elsewhere.