HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:1 ]2 o0 L, ?$ Q: j
> >                     Effective January 2007, B) ?% F+ {9 {7 Z6 T
> >
, m7 C2 b0 }0 s4 e: ?- x1 P3 N> > Dress Code
# t! E% K$ F& f/ [# i9 k% j> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
0 A3 d! [+ \5 O* o, u5 M+ r> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ \" j! Q6 ^* z3 q1 M" V
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' A% w5 O: N# k. r% S5 a8 l> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 z" Z: V1 c6 c" w> > need a pay raise.1 W% Z- W6 G  G: S
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- V+ p. E7 t; D; s2 m, j
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 s2 l( f4 |7 }' B, e1 h
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
! R; n6 x' `0 d( C> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 d/ I0 D: V& G& J3 U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
$ P" c  [/ K% q> > raise.# I: D) F7 Y/ @6 M
> >3 p7 B7 W9 w& V; e- F0 o
> > Sick Days; h( |' z* _  U( @' w
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. D% y7 \6 e- D8 T> > proof of sickness.. l6 i$ z  J. V' u: i0 s: e
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 U$ V" S  ^/ r& h& v> > to come to work.
$ B$ R7 C) y: u, h% K$ \> >6 |4 C! A8 T( M# D5 V
> > Holiday Days6 ?+ X9 y% p5 z3 Y0 {
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 }; ^6 y* {3 \9 j5 `> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 L* e* G+ u3 K/ O" h: F( A
> >9 R* |. `  {; M2 Z3 o
> > Compassionate Leave8 o3 i6 ^+ A5 ~
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 o8 d5 N+ d6 b7 Q0 u+ a' U; V% J> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& e8 |$ g1 v& ]2 z( \; S
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' E/ t4 ^, o* i+ r* ^8 _9 M$ n
> > employees attend to the arrangements.! l2 M* h$ `( q& a. u: b
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* y1 {+ s$ m% L5 A. }8 N# ~5 `
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 R) X3 o5 W; P, c> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* O, t. j# T- k> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ @/ z- E8 K- k> > hour early.1 k1 C9 T! B# a# F+ P
> >/ w9 V6 g# J2 n' D/ }6 g: @; o
> > Toilet Use% F2 h+ X- M9 N, o6 h! ?: g+ }
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 h  b6 F- a) a, c! i8 O% i> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 ^- E* p! F* o/ `8 Y6 C6 }% Z> > in the cubicles.- s, j% ~7 Y7 ?6 v( N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 b! z; w0 S) `0 L+ M5 d7 t
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# T; ^7 F( |5 n> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# }& A7 F$ W1 ^! c
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
1 Q) S, J; U5 n/ M7 V> > posted on the company notice board under the. I7 j% a4 z+ F) o5 B/ D* B
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ s/ F* I3 Q, J# P/ t% v; }1 x> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 p4 A5 n1 H: a9 H. a
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ l* ^7 ^' i$ v& m# F$ D. l) R
> > policy.
8 s3 o  O+ C* X5 s. R> >
. Y* r0 K, V! Q/ t/ @> > Lunch Break
+ q4 v/ J$ U7 O' J1 z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& V  D  r" @3 }5 Z( `
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.& l: t+ K$ u, Y8 L1 k) D
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 y' m6 `) b; t3 k/ q7 y1 F0 q
> > maintain their average figure.# [9 i7 U; Z& M" u4 ~+ e- F9 j$ L
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 p4 `7 S4 r( U4 G$ u
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 m7 x# I# f, w, h> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ L0 q! e- u5 P0 z& v
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# \* }' s7 B" j6 Y> > employment experience.! p  H- @# T/ P4 {; |: ^
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) v7 [- N2 O+ E% S> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 F5 P5 w8 R7 S; z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
4 ^, G: p) q0 q* F6 @' r7 E* s2 W> > directed elsewhere.