HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ X# X$ n! p( a6 r( W
> >                     Effective January 2007$ h1 O/ T; Q) |8 X6 v
> >; P* r- a% t8 B% ]* }1 \
> > Dress Code5 @5 M% V0 P6 C' W  ~5 L3 w. O/ W
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- p( `9 L2 C5 b8 A3 q6 n4 C8 x" y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 ^6 J) f9 s8 m" {" n2 H: k
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# b6 _: t) g3 s& h: p> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# S3 V9 F+ b$ w. r& H9 N6 r# @
> > need a pay raise.
  V" ^3 ?2 n+ Y: D6 {; B> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
8 g' S2 b5 X8 h! T) u$ \' j> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! Q2 E7 v; G7 v& M" b/ n6 D/ C> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* R) T' j$ x0 }$ s' P0 h* d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% Z0 D6 f8 D4 F/ p& R> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ i. `/ W6 U% d0 g9 e+ `+ S
> > raise.
+ D1 \0 M7 A+ Y; L4 v- W& H> >  r( K: Z# `2 q- `. d) A9 {
> > Sick Days4 i( P6 `6 i8 |/ @6 K
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
; I8 k! g1 g: s* {> > proof of sickness.
2 X# e' e1 Q5 U> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 c7 f2 {$ F% m8 {; C4 A8 l> > to come to work.3 ]/ V5 u  f( ]2 m. @( q
> >& d: W9 G! p2 v
> > Holiday Days
' x$ _8 H. N' C6 Y* k; I+ X8 \> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# c$ C0 c6 c- v
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% a; C% t: |, _! ?
> >; U' z& j6 S! T/ G
> > Compassionate Leave
! U0 y3 N% q9 V9 T& j- D! E> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) h6 c0 M/ {/ Y2 O/ R> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 ?& i$ K4 H0 S! P
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; u, `7 o( Q9 o( v> > employees attend to the arrangements.% y- e! w3 ?8 m* M) a0 l( O
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" F+ |4 H  W: E% w7 x7 U' {: j  x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% b2 E' S8 h9 j9 {! N7 y5 D( U
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: ^: ~: Q6 d- o2 O/ d- N
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 p7 k- T* M9 X  ~/ V6 i" L> > hour early.
% h: `: a" R& O, ~: C2 F+ y& u2 g> >
" I, }" ~" I7 g* i$ i, L- \* C8 h; V! w> > Toilet Use, R: B8 r* A" G6 h# c8 _
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
4 M* G3 K3 O2 h. b> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
4 ^" ]* l# V1 i> > in the cubicles.
/ u# G5 f" N9 v! l3 q+ `2 o% q5 J- `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 X7 p3 X& [6 r0 l> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 D( `( P: z# O3 J+ h6 Z' C' {
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( I% _- T# Z7 ^: u5 }7 ^% c0 E  H
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( R/ d/ i' m3 X; k# N
> > posted on the company notice board under the
- V2 W: w- S& w: D/ E> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ \  Q3 W" B' {) [
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
( Y6 W! ^, A6 y% I3 o> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, f" Y. `5 j% D/ F
> > policy.
9 x  g8 h+ P- j" f> >
6 n$ u$ f( M( N$ Y" V! w> > Lunch Break  L5 W6 @) j/ T/ {% B* R) V
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ O4 y6 v3 H) f8 [) Z> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.1 B1 d( g% m2 T& a& d
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
7 T. x* L' v0 @3 n> > maintain their average figure.
+ b* m, q% L% l> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! G0 f) m. z. P- R9 q9 z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
( R# e: i. n7 h/ ^4 {0 ^: B$ s> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 p+ Y+ I5 x$ u2 Z# D5 {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 x4 t8 p8 d( G, }4 u! \+ v> > employment experience.
$ C0 X' N$ y$ {6 W! [> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 L; {( f# }' [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- s4 Y  [7 }( K+ T9 i: n> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 w0 n- ~. q% U$ [; N& o# L> > directed elsewhere.