HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  ~- ~0 ?0 s7 g* X# [  h  }( W
> >                     Effective January 20072 E( }  G- i5 n* m* L
> >' L  e, {6 o6 x9 X& t
> > Dress Code8 b+ w* V3 ~$ [+ y9 H8 @. z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ h0 Q: L, O6 \9 c4 x> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 |6 U: C; L8 J> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, u3 X( r) x' s. z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ a* W2 J" J- w  x' r: L& h: ?> > need a pay raise.3 J! L# Q" J; `1 A2 ?. |
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ d; c2 i) J1 s5 Y2 b9 \
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 P9 b/ O4 _1 x3 N. C9 G' U> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
0 _  T9 ^) ~/ \1 ^. F! d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you& g2 B3 b8 ]4 w! t- S  b0 u
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 R9 @- X/ d% N" y  Z4 F
> > raise.
  l" w9 E6 |0 _% T  S! D9 z> >% |' P: {% H% l/ i
> > Sick Days
6 x+ }4 A: D2 ~1 a1 k+ M> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ H! ~1 ~5 ^/ ^; _7 G( H> > proof of sickness.
$ o6 Z2 l1 E2 }3 g. R4 \/ B5 u> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: F, I. D; u( ^! ~
> > to come to work.
" F1 f; M( B: ^> >
, n# Z+ e, M, P1 j3 `) q> > Holiday Days
* |$ ^7 K6 {( p: Y8 j4 z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
5 @3 @2 e( ?( K> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., y$ \, R! l4 v+ j
> >. u/ c; Q+ M6 i: f) Q7 N
> > Compassionate Leave, L  S; j* P5 O1 \8 ?: E' {( J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 A" b! B, k! R> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" t: Q% h: u+ F* D3 d
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! B; D9 B# h. D3 \- K> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ v7 d- j2 F/ c> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. F( v: c9 e' N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 w* y) F8 H( }" R4 y8 Z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  r5 }. x/ K5 H; Z: B" E. E$ Z. K> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# |5 {2 T+ y# K- R5 }  C1 |- q; s; L: e> > hour early.' i; ^- a3 Q) P: g0 X/ F) h
> >0 V, F$ |0 t- ]$ Z4 Z# d
> > Toilet Use
( e9 k! d2 L' \* `& d# l: W> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
. m- S. m- T5 k3 q( C9 U% S! x> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ ^+ o& i3 |0 e% ~2 J* o> > in the cubicles.8 c6 o- C- v- M
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' w# |9 F5 E# V, q' k5 c  y1 K' @> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 I7 K, B1 m, }7 _3 P
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 o5 {4 R' e1 U5 `6 J9 F
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ ~2 s. f6 u* e4 i& w
> > posted on the company notice board under the' Z) b$ m- Y3 T
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, Q7 N& @) w5 a" @9 d% w, D- ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# N5 u" ~/ a1 j* L, o% I" V
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 F/ I2 @3 c5 Z; x
> > policy.
) C! o9 O+ `' W6 b> >
& x3 }" K- F6 n5 P2 z% c8 _4 [> > Lunch Break
; c3 a. m( K  `' a8 g/ y+ _> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 ?6 |. Q; X$ A, S# k* G
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* E0 R5 s/ d+ w4 _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to  X. M# B; E$ ?$ G. ^" e. k- ^
> > maintain their average figure.8 |2 c' d5 O& w4 _
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  Q& w9 a  t- J> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% v' B* m, ~/ ~+ Z; i5 I9 u
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! r$ Y  X+ r* c- [( E; s+ `! e3 I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& R7 g7 H# u" n8 ?  R
> > employment experience.9 e8 \, Y& L" Q7 W& {5 I" t
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! w; Q: l' h( _; _$ C9 B& E> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ L8 _) |5 C: s! z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" K% G: v- X4 p+ d# D> > directed elsewhere.