HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:: ]7 L/ O" {3 j2 h5 s
> >                     Effective January 20074 B7 A' B( M; s8 `5 U
> >
0 W, f5 h4 g, c' r' o# L# u- ~> > Dress Code
/ E7 |: ~2 E( N3 J* e4 m> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, [8 J6 ?: _% z+ R7 _> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 X8 T3 U# I4 z, i: n
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- V. [7 X7 y7 d3 A7 m> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 `$ F3 Q. ?' X7 j, \> > need a pay raise.
' \$ C# _5 p, p8 i3 R+ O9 ]> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 |8 ~& U/ t! i. x* f, [. X
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
) l; F5 r: `" U' F0 u3 r# r$ _> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., X) [# L4 T. r" P8 y( T2 o
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
  `$ R8 S4 `' E( K4 |& d4 A$ y  Q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) X2 [" Y& k4 y4 H( x> > raise.: K% J1 }# Q9 v' a, @! G* ~
> >- o. S& J! r. ]" [7 i
> > Sick Days  I1 j( N5 E* h2 r
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 i2 _& I9 R9 S  |( _: K+ |; s) v7 ]" ]
> > proof of sickness.: o1 h7 i1 |' M0 z3 S; ~
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, T1 U4 L" S, G  X: q2 Z7 a4 x( e
> > to come to work.
) M' o, Y0 x( w0 z6 x3 ^* X> ># k" R2 P4 [/ Y' _* R
> > Holiday Days
7 [5 E; }0 x& L* T* g% x( B> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% Y9 d. Z( @3 _# J0 b# H8 z: g> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.1 g0 d3 E' n! U9 \  \3 D
> >/ k; [5 ?. h" |) g7 I0 f; O4 L' }
> > Compassionate Leave+ L- ]. T3 J6 ~& N1 p0 }
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; e9 g4 b; S1 e! z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 D" i! r" J1 U& w# y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 n- ~% y( b9 R7 b; J) P
> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 R% q4 N" h! [7 b, D7 ?
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% g; \! q5 @8 h$ P3 C> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- R: `8 M# U9 U) l$ F  f7 J> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 N' l' O6 ?+ `7 Q: D> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ Z4 Q( O% I  Q5 k) Q
> > hour early.
8 n+ d0 x/ {! F  ~$ I  i" s> >
9 ^' y! Q/ ?1 L- @% v) N, P. v0 N> > Toilet Use0 _# \# l5 T  s7 x9 O
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the2 Y" Q0 j; E8 N/ K& G! ?( r
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit7 H( h" M% k/ O6 K$ ?" F! Z
> > in the cubicles.  o' E: ?# h/ V8 n* U. S% ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 H: s& h7 z) X! h' r' S9 Z8 U
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 e# d5 U5 H5 e: ^1 X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.$ X0 H. \. g8 Y/ i* c3 @% {
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& o; l& V5 o/ E: T# Y) n7 Z  N> > posted on the company notice board under the% o5 [2 O- }! c: @5 N% r; ]- W  ?
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 `! Q8 {# M% c. P5 [0 V& K> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, K( F1 K& f5 l) L/ b1 Q3 I> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 ~8 e& e3 L& y9 K
> > policy.& q7 M, s) ?3 r  ?; H0 [
> >2 S. P2 g% W( x) Q# p! M( J
> > Lunch Break
8 o' W/ g& |; P: m! C> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they. O9 A& t, X! Y3 O6 V: M
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 t( Z, R, U) w) G' h" @/ O( C/ |8 e> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, u( g8 v; k" W2 O% P! R! d& x
> > maintain their average figure.
% L$ G( l4 S1 z4 `3 m/ W3 _$ T+ l+ m> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
$ D0 `+ u3 Z9 H, m! B8 K+ s> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.( b- N) f9 w: @" S
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" {8 ]% K1 N6 P* J> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
2 ~7 q; V3 n. ?8 ]* c> > employment experience.
2 c; _8 d3 O3 o5 H> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 V1 K" t; l" C7 g> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- `. }% h+ t/ M: ~( t
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) `% w) I! m0 [9 X4 x; v* q  U
> > directed elsewhere.