HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) F- O$ p8 K. g: ~: }' P" q
> >                     Effective January 2007
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0 {0 @7 s- c0 M3 ^+ S5 D" }> > Dress Code
& M5 P: I. f- m7 m) C> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* U- ~+ B, C3 L+ D% e+ G3 ]
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 Z% h! I2 V0 p. i, l: r, q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; R; V$ t6 r9 }2 c$ T. `" I$ ^
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 ~! R% ^8 I/ u> > need a pay raise.
5 b2 i3 r" k: A> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, I. I: ^" F  L  V# Q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, e: J6 N9 f# `# F& |& l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 _" ~* \/ P& B4 F5 Y& l# m# b1 Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# w4 j  z1 }2 O2 q. u- O' R# L2 a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* T5 F- ?# a8 ~* N# {0 c' f
> > raise.
+ F2 n4 e) Y9 j* n. |> >
$ I# a/ @% Z6 U8 k> > Sick Days- u/ T# I4 ~/ z& I  E
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ U& i5 `2 z  d7 g, R' K
> > proof of sickness.
; b3 z8 x# k" v8 j> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* ~+ O1 W2 w9 _. G( _
> > to come to work.
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4 s0 A% O8 `- j+ x* |8 ?5 N; @# D> > Holiday Days
3 b. u: v/ v% [" A( r' l2 t> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# M; ~3 c% j' ?$ Z6 x, n- l
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., ^) a( L7 {. x% r3 A6 M+ d
> >. Z: N- \: U, `, q1 M1 {. k4 t
> > Compassionate Leave
/ U. a# W6 M: J% z+ H> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& H/ ~$ w3 C, i( H, ^1 [# R9 ]9 J# z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 F: q* [% M9 {0 N> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' v. u4 L7 \1 }/ ^& K( k> > employees attend to the arrangements.  ~2 }1 x' I, _. r, p8 B
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 f$ b. j* k5 ?3 |+ j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( D) Y' v# ?# \' O9 N+ y9 s; N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ r; t  J1 G8 L2 j9 \0 z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one0 ~: r3 ]+ D" {+ g% @2 h
> > hour early.( A& M. r6 T; w+ U4 E
> >
5 o7 Q% y$ P2 V! S8 ~5 v> > Toilet Use0 q. ?1 ~+ u+ C2 d- j$ e& p
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 q. i  B2 h. C6 \7 t> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ \* g, b+ j# k> > in the cubicles.
( y& u" C$ i- o> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ D' t" e% `0 I) U$ v* |7 O. O2 _8 |> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* A# Y2 ~/ ~5 `  `> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 e5 \& c3 _3 b6 l2 u0 P( x( i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# K2 k1 h/ i2 w
> > posted on the company notice board under the0 p& z% [; g( [# E' p  A
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.4 p9 L! E8 ?' ~
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ p& q! W' ?$ y; x
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; \+ `* G0 H8 T$ Y6 r& e1 C2 R0 R> > policy.
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+ R: Y5 F& K. C8 I' u> > Lunch Break
, u( y& l- S- O0 z7 \) P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' F. J6 v5 S1 j4 Q, @) A2 E
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 e  h0 X  b5 W0 f> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
  J9 ^( |; }0 b8 |+ u( ^: M> > maintain their average figure.
0 ^) n0 ]8 O1 I+ K% R; f0 k> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 L$ |& W% H2 {+ v
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  ?( E% c7 q1 t$ r' o# e+ W> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" ~. Z0 u' C8 h' c# p
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( c: t9 ?6 D5 d6 Q
> > employment experience.
  h, V4 u( s; a. Z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 [0 m" u( {' m7 s
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, _) o( V6 {+ v6 a> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! m$ c+ H; i6 R! k> > directed elsewhere.