HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
" Q( ~! M/ ~  n) G3 Q> >                     Effective January 2007
: L$ N8 @7 L, T' K' Z> >
: O# k6 a4 e0 X  R0 Q! x4 y) t/ t2 K> > Dress Code
& I4 ]+ U4 \. \3 _( _> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ u. |  q: F) z! l' j; S4 b! q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 S. P. x- x2 q$ j# O: Y+ t
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume2 p& _6 |. q* a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" a. W4 v. ^, [; }
> > need a pay raise.3 K) q  G; ^: ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage; b+ k4 l* O/ `8 M1 s6 s* g
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 o$ a  _- p; Z5 z5 r/ D
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: X  N5 ^1 j6 P/ m- @1 N
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you& Y$ Q; I# w7 j  C6 ^& K) c" x
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) d; X) U/ M" }$ z5 n
> > raise., V) T* i: B; \; o& Y
> >
% c4 l( V9 u5 \/ u> > Sick Days0 T$ e( V% X' B" Q8 j$ K7 S
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 C% T. `: C4 ^6 j/ b5 d. |
> > proof of sickness.4 d: A. q4 X, e# z& t9 l: t
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) f2 {$ c$ ?- u" G+ t1 t; V* a> > to come to work.: R- e! k. {0 f3 b
> >
, j3 Z- j1 N0 [- m( m/ b8 [  T' s> > Holiday Days9 R( q3 W2 Q+ Z, z/ X. `6 r% M" K
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ K& P$ v5 e5 y) v
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
9 ]/ t( ]5 ?3 D2 o> >
/ ~, ]) Y( N" c# R/ z> > Compassionate Leave
  L1 e0 A$ b: k+ B0 C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 I' m9 y9 i$ y! X5 Q7 s. {+ P  J8 T
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
7 A: c- o; Q$ X2 [# i, I2 ?> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! k! ]+ v: u- f4 V8 F7 C
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ S5 T2 Y/ G4 d3 a- v) O9 ^> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 g9 n8 u9 m2 j* {6 R; o
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
+ [9 H2 i) K" c& N: k0 n9 D: A> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! T* L2 P( B* P# I6 m
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 {' \4 U3 C5 K4 _4 i% p+ h
> > hour early.
1 B$ n5 f, }7 L> >
9 q% F% Z; t% z( S* z> > Toilet Use2 J; E( K! s& a' R( D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ \/ o9 ], W3 c- C4 c$ E
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 e1 l. p* X" e, j6 {! c) d> > in the cubicles.
) w5 l0 E0 C0 z7 B> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
) [0 N) ~1 V# \0 m. T0 d( H& x> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# |0 L+ |5 `# |5 k4 L( ?5 G> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( {8 _$ k% S. m* Z+ N
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 }4 Z2 v/ o& Y! y
> > posted on the company notice board under the
! s+ Z# N) X! f> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 F. s. U2 B/ ^
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) C  F) }8 u7 H( _+ B  n' u# P
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 J% T# i! P1 X, Z> > policy.
8 o: O$ i$ m3 A0 ~> >
" V3 r6 ~" P$ ^7 Y> > Lunch Break
( r: M& L# k# q# M7 S: P> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# G5 |; p; ^0 l
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.) ^) |4 A1 S8 j- }! A4 A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 y; C2 s# n9 @$ q% b3 i> > maintain their average figure.  h9 ~& L2 {3 ~/ t: R* m
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" W$ G. b) r1 e0 _& a' d9 x6 V
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' d/ d' _. B9 y  e
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 e  T" q8 R" @4 v- V  _> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 p; S# i2 A  a( p- B8 D
> > employment experience.
! m2 b# M/ D% o$ \$ C2 I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: [  j& d1 p( t( v* j3 G
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 x% R* X% c3 c2 D6 u% I8 O
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, D; x& H6 z& y5 {. q( z; [
> > directed elsewhere.