HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
7 k+ m1 p4 ?. X5 ?# l( J- d> >                     Effective January 2007. b' m8 h4 {( |8 j, \4 t
> >/ ?+ e# D) I" q2 F; k, X
> > Dress Code
( _$ `, {0 i. M> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' T, N% b7 ?/ G; z) Z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 B0 u1 y5 W  }" ]
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 f, ^2 _) V! T. r9 D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" X6 S8 C" x" R9 H' t
> > need a pay raise.
2 r% M- ?  p% I6 i4 C) N> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' V8 U, C8 A  P! F5 O0 P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 O' q/ D" {  D0 w3 F
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
; X( g* q% P, X' o2 @: H. Z0 f> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ |' ~9 E4 A4 C> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* X% P" m, Q8 C$ v% P0 R> > raise.
  k* C  a8 V. W> >
+ s- C* x8 i5 Q' y8 o> > Sick Days3 @% l2 M$ F! O8 y+ d) o
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 N" k: T. I+ N! s* ?
> > proof of sickness.
" H& G7 {4 K$ p5 s# ?> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
  V' ]8 \# i9 t8 y+ o1 u> > to come to work.8 G8 @! @+ s# E" ]+ l
> ># L: e- `/ ?5 b1 y3 @" x% ]
> > Holiday Days$ p8 }) c; x$ I1 O  a8 X  `
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 t6 W0 ?: e( J6 V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. A* o# G! S7 C  }1 @6 G! z
> >5 [4 J% G' q7 Q0 B+ j' A! O
> > Compassionate Leave0 W7 q( j& g  F* t
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 t) |3 O/ n* o; Y9 `
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" _; K# |. L* ?2 V, ~% Y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ z/ u) \% e% L3 w  q4 |" B' m, |, I> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% M$ T0 n' D; Q8 b: L> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; d6 i6 W+ i8 w3 [2 F! k> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  R, o, _+ P  x0 n4 T
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# @2 c" ^6 x1 w3 K2 N$ j0 ^
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 X: |0 g+ t6 Q* u' j! _, r> > hour early.- u$ y9 }; ]$ Q( k8 f! {
> >; J/ }! G- X* S: e2 ~* L
> > Toilet Use# s4 N+ G3 W7 j3 O+ t; f3 t4 B: Z2 ~9 E. F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& w5 N4 a! v! h8 A
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 Z) Z+ q, ^8 s1 i
> > in the cubicles.9 h. w6 i1 s6 T, _; ?6 x; ~# s
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- m1 d  M) D2 C6 `
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, Q, X( f) z: A1 z5 e( Q0 o
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! a$ S7 f% V0 J
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' s' |1 k8 M# n0 j* c
> > posted on the company notice board under the( {8 A3 x3 K  y9 }1 |4 A! ~
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* \% l6 j5 f9 p) {5 K0 n3 x> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" j4 S  T0 z; X, M- o9 r
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ x% z8 W+ A- E: i+ s; E> > policy.! K' L: o4 A8 w' F6 Q, F
> >( s2 b$ z8 z+ S$ e
> > Lunch Break
) B6 N8 H7 I+ [# K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* I/ j# I9 D4 M2 a$ ~> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 r& @5 a- Q8 F9 i> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" i7 x) u9 X# b% u  y
> > maintain their average figure.
! @# |* I7 u$ w: Q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
+ s; o, H6 ~% D4 }; O> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ j/ \, ~- {& l
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. O. w6 V1 g* j
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) n! o  ?4 B; @$ c: h2 J
> > employment experience.# b) m$ ?/ @# a  U: t5 C& d3 W. Y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 B: Q. J( F' j1 K2 Q6 M> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# k9 Y9 k4 ^2 Q$ z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" m: h& W4 `& b> > directed elsewhere.