HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:; Q& D/ Q; J  a% G
> >                     Effective January 2007# c' Z- T  N4 w8 i+ q
> >
' O  o9 E- S8 b: N3 q> > Dress Code* `; t% W; ^, C; h1 c( D
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
' |9 y; v# L( {, z3 U5 v/ Y> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
! n: v' E  V4 q* D> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 m' ~- O. r3 l6 a% a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 V) }  l/ p8 V% W! Y6 W( K
> > need a pay raise., B4 V' N* M3 E, T$ t
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( q) z5 ?  c% o! ^0 c2 [> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 S' R3 _2 v$ M7 B5 x
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 O' n5 o& _$ M& [5 i+ P8 `+ I
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 V& u' f% I$ B. l7 @: [" c. `
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" H5 I" ]# Q7 c) f1 [6 ~> > raise.+ ^. v; a% B! X0 n  q
> >
2 w3 A0 P% `' K6 p- \  S> > Sick Days
0 O& ^3 W# y( A% Q9 [> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 i! U6 [' |1 V( ]( e
> > proof of sickness.
6 Y$ S& s1 y, \> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ B' j; R, C* ^. h  z" J5 m* t9 j/ w
> > to come to work.
! e7 k0 j+ O, `0 L- I& ~> >
! d) z1 `6 W( u5 m8 C6 }> > Holiday Days- Y" L& c: r$ k* l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ W' f+ j2 D, }& g1 c0 J
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! @6 ?# n) j) Y: l5 E( f) S5 ?' L" T; T
> >. r: H+ @$ J; J4 X
> > Compassionate Leave
) |$ N" F  ]6 N. H> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, k: [6 o# k+ Y# Z- h7 N+ s% p> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- t/ @- @7 T7 Z" f
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 Y9 H9 G6 ^9 x/ ~- l  J7 l> > employees attend to the arrangements.; J+ U, L& B, S, f' H0 C5 |
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; E, L; [" a3 ~8 ]$ A, P3 q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- ]/ a' ]/ D& I) U* g& Z" h' P" F> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# R+ U1 J. I* T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ z/ @9 I2 {* [9 q6 \! x, [. U
> > hour early.- U. c! Y! s6 ]; D- X
> >
3 B/ k) ]3 o- J+ o. d! ?> > Toilet Use
# q1 p% S! M% [. E> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 k/ [& {8 O% `2 o% d3 f/ Q( I8 k> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. `3 P$ ^8 `! O* b( J- J6 V1 C
> > in the cubicles.
; w2 @" p( D5 u, q( w4 J> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 v3 b1 e2 X% ~
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
9 t. E( W* s5 G! x- h" r0 v> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
9 ?* ?( v! d& ?> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ Z. [+ t7 ?* p
> > posted on the company notice board under the
& V! Y) C" {0 k! s! s/ L> > "Chronic Offenders" category.& h- c8 ^( q9 L6 n& d$ q
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) G) ]8 O0 c1 Y  }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 {+ K  K2 Q# n1 z5 G( W$ Q> > policy.
' `# a! O, Q3 p4 ~2 b; e> >
2 i6 e. n* b2 _0 P% I> > Lunch Break: H1 a( n1 |' v  f: L( n
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 r* b% ?3 D7 h5 ?) S& I) N$ n* q> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 {9 v; f, |/ _, s- [0 w
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% S# q3 k7 Z& T' n" b$ a+ R> > maintain their average figure.
5 h1 T. P' L$ W; F) ]2 I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 f, j6 R( ^3 |7 M  Q! e5 l& j2 c> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." H4 E: a) H. E4 `1 E' n/ |2 C
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  _" }$ }% `. g> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: O8 d' r  w; J1 ~> > employment experience.% j0 P% j8 U; Z; X; w, D2 c
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
( t: C/ ?/ v6 g0 l! F> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  i. ^+ [- |: a/ h7 k# k  q2 S' T
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 T  ]( Z  \" W8 Z
> > directed elsewhere.