HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
/ y/ A; H/ C7 F; E- Q8 R1 ^# T> >                     Effective January 20078 e5 C6 R5 X% R4 p! Q
> >
0 D4 G% j5 j. a# |2 m9 @> > Dress Code
: {! h2 y9 z- M& D" g& K> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 R: h: t. A' \. f
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ I" S1 ~) o) A2 Q& n  Q! Y; B> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  G2 a/ N; X7 R1 i" W
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- r5 ~" t9 C& X0 C  r& P
> > need a pay raise.- G" D. t0 H0 H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# r! h9 e- J3 Y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer; O, U/ }+ A1 M6 n7 j) u
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, G% N! s" W) q* w> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& I! R4 }% U; x  y% H6 r> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ Y  T' m+ W3 W$ W. b' z, L& g
> > raise.+ d5 o5 \8 C+ ^4 K
> >
2 ^3 I' D' P" f9 z> > Sick Days
: }" y' a2 z6 t5 m  D* K" W> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 S2 o/ v+ c0 x* A2 I  Z
> > proof of sickness.
9 {* q: k: J% G; m> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able  ?$ ]( b, E" k6 H- K1 j3 ?. t( k
> > to come to work.
; D, r- b( P8 y" M: ]> >
( J; ~9 I: ~+ q> > Holiday Days
' q; P& c# C( [7 W, I> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, s/ J4 L' r; V; f" d3 I1 R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." o5 k6 E0 {; B3 v9 `, L/ a
> >! w. @# ^& s8 [
> > Compassionate Leave
+ D$ U3 d9 d& u. _, q* a> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 m& _; V8 D, k
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& G! T0 H) B9 j5 U+ k7 E
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
- y8 O1 s4 u0 l2 ~! p6 c> > employees attend to the arrangements., N/ [9 f1 x" f, X& _: j; O
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& T. X8 z9 T; T7 Q2 Y( g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! Z7 j  \7 S. ?$ l9 F/ x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 `1 m! G, ~% k% M! ~. l> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) E2 P/ _6 @" t, g
> > hour early.
$ `. a, ^9 p- `% q. v; B8 c> >* v- @* r& a4 U& D; F
> > Toilet Use
$ S8 G3 b* a) L* ^> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 K5 }: ^% K9 h3 V) s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit7 B4 }3 p" D! t% l8 V: @4 R  D3 {
> > in the cubicles.
, r; [' B+ @- @> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% O+ C& r6 B* h5 j2 F3 r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ m; X9 H0 Y- }. ~' g. ^# _' p
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# ~( W7 u, J4 j" b. K% I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 A% _" b. X  D6 s9 U& y1 x> > posted on the company notice board under the3 s7 c+ m  H# N% i. m
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 p# O# t" P1 X; a: a, C% d
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% [1 o  A$ ?% G2 V" o7 \& U, u> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 I: Q0 T, c5 h; G> > policy.' _5 ]( l* W4 E9 a/ n, |4 [
> >; h) U4 J0 B0 v7 i
> > Lunch Break
6 c9 G1 O) Q7 ]! v> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they; u9 [4 z6 `; c: `) u9 Z6 f
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 j7 F) H- r6 h  W' Z. J8 T5 T+ ]' A> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! g: W6 \- ]: i  B' t0 ?, h> > maintain their average figure.
2 i+ u- K+ M, [! J* I8 a2 F> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 h4 t2 S( d* J* A1 s5 C> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% P" u( X1 q9 Y2 s$ q0 }4 _  R: I> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! \' [4 i( q  O9 @> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive  E! [+ Y+ l! ~# W+ b) \- L
> > employment experience.; Q. S. X2 l+ f  Y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- e$ |' {( B/ s* y) u
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- p% R, g  I, ~: l9 Y( \> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 F# T+ Z% i# r- b# W8 S
> > directed elsewhere.