HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:% D% W! H4 G" `5 F( t. W$ C
> >                     Effective January 2007+ s$ X) _8 S4 O. R( ?
> >: b  ^+ U* H) m5 i) T
> > Dress Code
8 Q  b* S# k' [% h: h5 a: S> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
7 Q* {5 h: J$ E- _) p9 V> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 P  A; z6 O! z: D7 Q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, t7 J4 ?7 D1 E$ D
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  J% u$ }) O; P9 Y# `& f
> > need a pay raise.
* {2 ^8 j! Z0 S# P# k  R( o> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 p: L) G8 g+ }' Q# T* G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 f$ N; \# \& {1 o) v4 g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% Z2 j/ w/ U% q' F4 O- o! Y; P1 j! z8 e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* h& U5 J( W  s' m: V> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
, j( m* c% x. _/ b> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
! X  R, c! s9 V& [* t> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
, M* I* k- P/ M$ {# X> > proof of sickness.( d1 R( f8 D- ]" R( G; @& I
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; w, s' ~  X8 P" i% p> > to come to work.
$ x: ^  A+ X6 `5 E% R" y> >
# @( O1 B9 V; v: D8 e> > Holiday Days2 t+ O5 J) h6 r8 X7 g5 D+ l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) {7 F/ S; l1 b. M> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave( Q) Y, A# K' l; o* G
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' V- Z$ F" u/ [, Q/ R$ V> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 ~9 X2 }; e8 @; J. G> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
9 ]$ L0 M4 Z5 ~> > employees attend to the arrangements.( T, j/ I- L/ f
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 L' o# m& O1 l' \
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, R/ S' ?6 y4 z8 O8 u+ U% M) U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
6 j" j4 {' a* E9 Q; w: d- B( P6 R> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one4 b' l; V0 c% |& M/ P1 t
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use2 t: J2 \$ \# i  a7 q7 `
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 c* }) P/ q# M7 A
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 Q7 P8 ~9 P4 L5 L& e- x- N* C> > in the cubicles.7 ^. l! R; |! D9 W" L( E  a
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% y, y0 A6 J0 E/ J  R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) p, i: @2 F' |. r, s$ G> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: l6 L( C4 ?8 E) T> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; U. I& s; ~8 ]1 ~% G( R- I$ q
> > posted on the company notice board under the9 _$ N3 A5 E( A# n
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.4 M' V6 J( C7 O- J' D4 m' ?
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  {1 m8 z2 X( Y4 b$ X+ x
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 H) e8 p3 ^8 o8 F2 ^% _' @
> > policy.5 W1 T9 u; M( E0 j  o* l" d
> >- x: L# B" [' V- f2 {
> > Lunch Break1 {! l$ T  Q) i* E7 B3 M! ~
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ D+ o9 `  e$ ^, }1 z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
3 Y$ k' ~" x! p. x> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 G& i: ^1 R( e+ a" i( z
> > maintain their average figure.
3 Q$ g( Q. ^# q* E/ [/ ~> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" Q2 g9 ~) a! @" G> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; ?9 m. P) R$ I
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
0 D) o# n6 |, n> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; p! Z6 {& o) ?> > employment experience.7 j  z% u* x/ S! j& ~9 q1 V
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* E9 |5 l/ `- l1 s0 ~1 M7 N% `- ?
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 y! w$ N  }  Z. n% I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 C; W; h0 `: l  l) M
> > directed elsewhere.