HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 `5 q, i8 B$ J* F; V$ L% `& I> >                     Effective January 2007( ]) W0 Z- b" @( o
> >( \& c" z$ C0 l8 ~
> > Dress Code
& t3 h+ P5 n$ [, o> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# k' B6 ]  S& D: J" H5 W> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
0 j3 q8 U2 e1 G. h- v" g/ U> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 H$ G& f/ v+ q# {' Y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- m+ `0 {# y' g' D- @> > need a pay raise.
( u; p2 m; h1 e> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage( [+ s; n9 b; x+ U2 n  \2 r+ _
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer; h/ S  u9 f' T" V/ f8 v  x. [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) ]& ~  ~4 l, Q+ X2 s> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
9 B( V  _5 T2 g4 @# U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 E- A4 L+ f4 g" E" G: B; K+ ]
> > raise.2 Q! [* B; n( b) h: S- |
> >7 f; _" f$ r( P0 i
> > Sick Days+ a/ [/ h3 h6 m4 N8 c( R4 h
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# Y/ d$ p3 H& R& r- q. ^3 r. F! G
> > proof of sickness.+ O0 q" J% H; J. t% h$ C3 \
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ J! S  R$ F5 T3 z; c$ y- O> > to come to work.) B, v: _' ]: y
> >) }% T5 f5 g* e/ }
> > Holiday Days2 ~' M1 m8 [4 f" I5 d: x- f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 ~, ^7 ~# f  G! ]> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.5 C$ J. H5 Y/ a) a6 s
> >  {1 I( H9 L2 _) n- R1 U, L/ ]
> > Compassionate Leave
. S! [; \6 j- B7 i2 S; }> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 u8 _( ]/ H- B8 S, b
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
# G6 E$ c- m  A5 `; m2 L> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. f* Q0 y/ n& V2 M5 V! T9 c( ]- E5 g> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 L2 v, x7 n# E- I$ F
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 O3 J' s" M5 |* n! h2 X, W* S( H  ]> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' O, t7 A# ?1 E$ {
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" V* q* o) ]' I5 a" m9 A> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) y* {  b: g4 s  B/ ?/ h6 m( l# w
> > hour early.5 y( n$ p& n! t4 |
> >6 i  S  K  N+ t/ V6 f
> > Toilet Use+ ?% s+ |1 }: U% M
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
: e. D7 p) }9 v  Z  H/ x0 ]: ?> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 T" E" w" H4 t. H: {( {! R
> > in the cubicles.6 E$ L" F- U, C# D+ N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% \, ?& o+ s  A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 y  H6 l7 m9 s3 k% s5 N> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.  q$ g5 O, V  S# w, D
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ I# x2 s" r& r5 \: v2 b% K3 W) j
> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 U; y6 o; k" }' U8 I; n> > "Chronic Offenders" category." N& M) ^" t" p7 y! O- l+ F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! I; {, u& m5 b1 A
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! v# v5 A3 b7 j5 I$ o4 _0 h
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break9 W2 s6 W+ q; L2 n, b4 L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 M# Q: q( A+ y0 |; }* u& \7 e+ N  ~; o> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. F9 x& L/ |! Z# {! ~
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
# u5 C( R: X" a3 F0 a: U, M1 j> > maintain their average figure.
9 h9 K, m( J: w  o$ D9 R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( g  G' C) O& R$ K> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.  P! v- W) G, O, d
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; B% {& w5 s% t, W2 k/ j> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" i$ j  k# O* ^$ d) n
> > employment experience.
& H7 [7 _, e0 G0 j7 l( e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& A& m8 K' x$ w% Z; P3 h+ w> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ B* M8 i4 ~# R3 h" X; p
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be" f7 C$ C. i3 |3 @' R& Q) J
> > directed elsewhere.