HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:5 P( r6 s6 S+ e9 E, N' x
> >                     Effective January 2007
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, |9 A: g0 ^: G: W, `: n. ?1 f> > Dress Code
; N: [! }3 _) I* B5 d* t$ X- ]> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
0 s. n- `. H3 f8 v" x5 q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 @* N" z8 p# B! R8 q8 ~7 s" ]0 P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 @+ J" A# t+ {+ P$ x/ S> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 [& K6 \: E% T
> > need a pay raise.9 [: e* W7 J  ?( h. i6 b: z% f
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ V! ?0 _1 l/ {6 U1 m+ H( b" G
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
  x+ n7 E8 i' T5 [- \- }> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ @. ~4 ^, x) m  n9 R$ z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 L/ H0 @: M  W1 X" s0 q' r
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 M4 g% k( U4 ?2 `% @/ B: P# _
> > raise.
& U4 X9 \" b! f0 g3 T4 ^> >  b/ d, c# p* i5 a7 m7 o
> > Sick Days
7 E  f; k. \( s  c& K% b> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: M$ a  j+ p0 L) x
> > proof of sickness.* o% ^  G2 d" _, u1 k6 X
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 i8 c+ C% r7 |+ h2 `> > to come to work.3 m2 c) f7 s+ y# H6 u7 o4 w
> >
9 e, F) w3 S2 c> > Holiday Days) ?  f' K& Z* i& X% W
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 ^% T6 ^  B0 E+ z. v% Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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3 ?1 x# g) a( I. W( q9 A& L> > Compassionate Leave
, k. h7 D$ [2 M$ ]! [3 k" k' I> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ y2 O( y7 a$ V! a
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 g+ F+ v1 n8 Q) @0 \# V
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 ]. i- r4 `9 w) K  v3 {( f> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 G# O0 W& d$ ?8 q$ X
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( x$ G' K  z' g# \; j  q, Z3 M) N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 Q0 j; P# ]8 D) I+ e# P! O/ M4 {# U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; y) m9 X& Y! ~5 U+ w> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* O! Z: d$ d3 }$ ^0 ]9 b2 P> > hour early.
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) `8 ^" {4 P3 F( R$ h5 ^# A1 o> > Toilet Use
# H1 ]* d) h7 l% a& l3 z9 J! X> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 a6 }" i5 X, I> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit" J1 j3 B8 Z5 W% |
> > in the cubicles.
, u( c* g1 ?; ^$ `0 Z1 D2 z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 _" w0 K8 s" h( m8 x> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 X) ]4 f2 n2 N( [2 _> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. j# K; c7 J/ ~: N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ e3 [' X1 ^) \8 y, M
> > posted on the company notice board under the
, S" z+ y2 X! N$ r& N> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: @; e) Q6 U, w6 p6 C2 X  t' e> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 Z/ T& h2 R1 h8 F# u9 g
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health# d/ O8 W5 g  ^! ?! T7 Y) B# m
> > policy.
# P# U% t8 w2 M> >
; ^+ V1 ?+ l8 n2 ^  T0 \4 M> > Lunch Break
7 [% d$ W. `) ?% l) A1 ^> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 `0 o7 P9 m) {6 O( l> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 A/ B2 A: J# _$ y6 }1 C7 w/ ~4 [> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ ^7 i: e7 t( H> > maintain their average figure.( s3 A9 S* }  N# ^, h  `
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time8 M% n6 [1 V5 s& G
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! _; y# k: G& o, ?4 g> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ Z, @8 a6 O' y" ~$ E. Y( `9 e> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) t0 \$ g2 e, o; q5 V/ w' K+ A> > employment experience./ G9 d, R; o1 p: V" [$ i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% i, M4 D: v8 ?4 V8 n# q> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- P/ p5 j8 E' n* _  M7 w: k7 b3 d
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% C# A, q- a: A" A2 k7 ]' @> > directed elsewhere.