HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
/ f/ `% G: l* p/ I8 a+ J9 u4 ^8 }> >                     Effective January 2007  Q4 j% i% }3 w& m9 u
> >$ Z; V! ^% |! p" P" g
> > Dress Code
& |% G9 L4 O4 D) C' V8 `; P> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" T6 J* N+ ^2 U! }$ B5 M; _2 R> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 S3 E; `& r* J8 b, A
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& D% Z4 K4 Q: h+ H+ m> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( i; i- B0 n& c9 _2 @+ f; R
> > need a pay raise.4 v0 ]# `  X1 U# h5 N1 v( C
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: `- }. k, l0 d% O$ o> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, ?' @# m, C  f+ c" \> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% P' n- j1 l7 c> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* K: ^, p6 \/ E; A4 f1 `) p9 |> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' `1 M8 \" m' P5 }" u> > raise.
  ^, [" i3 u4 N+ V, q# C> >$ [8 N! Y9 |; c# B" f; J, I' Z6 `4 f
> > Sick Days4 [6 K  m6 O- d
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 r: A3 [  `' u5 W2 T* M$ }' I
> > proof of sickness.
) P+ S' Y+ H! H9 `1 E" w> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! r% r. l/ {2 J' t0 Z* H> > to come to work.
$ e5 A+ S& m: m0 v2 f* X% G6 C> >
$ ]. W# N1 p- h* K> > Holiday Days
" Z' Z' E0 L, @8 y; v# |9 y$ U> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 E2 `9 p. g- ~% X9 k3 s> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
- Y. ?+ T* Q7 ~7 {6 w  W> >
' _: p! z2 [0 _7 J+ N5 l# u* ~> > Compassionate Leave
3 ~! v) v% Y# C! |( H4 R3 m> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 v2 c! q9 o; J. F& a0 H! I, n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 s  Y) ^, o' z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 o9 i& R) ~  A+ B& M> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 b6 [# I2 n" R" d8 E) b& l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# B" J# Y4 m. @' S6 v& K8 Y> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% Q2 @, z% L0 C3 L
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' @. v8 j# |  D, ?
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* \/ Q0 Y6 S8 X+ L& `2 j* \
> > hour early.' s8 s$ `4 R0 [/ d- F( j" `
> >
% h& ~6 r$ k, w1 v6 b# p> > Toilet Use
" D) m7 ]+ ?1 ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" F, _! s5 i  O1 f
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' B* {2 p6 t# O$ e4 X/ N( g0 m> > in the cubicles.. E( t8 I. d' P; m8 q9 h0 D' w
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 ?, b( n. |1 W' R: m% N> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 F1 H4 _2 n( |2 ~( s; q( n& d  i> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 n, D' i' d# t6 [% M
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; J( M# R' ]4 ]' s> > posted on the company notice board under the) `$ n, x) r  k3 W
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: e, J9 Q! B0 b5 R2 ?, y: h> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 ?" a. ^: w2 j6 g2 _> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 y# n4 ]3 O  |7 Z* A; H) O
> > policy.
) L4 }( r3 m0 _) q; r> >1 z* V' P8 Y5 J- U
> > Lunch Break6 k7 R0 l) \( u' N9 m. z; I% B
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
4 q8 C/ k. w& {: \* y2 M> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
" R$ i2 t2 I% _1 r4 E9 G  U> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 x: _( w3 i6 ?- J
> > maintain their average figure.2 w8 e# W* _" Y1 ~3 Y% w# k. i$ ]
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: S8 r1 j6 d& l. _$ B* {& E9 N5 v
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ \9 z7 h  M" T* N+ ^% P3 k
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 q1 B  A& x% D. }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 U4 u9 G" h6 e0 T: p$ a
> > employment experience.
8 Y3 n- v! a! X, c> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! c+ i- P9 Z6 O7 l
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,; s! S) n: X0 L0 N; L
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# B+ x% o8 ?3 J+ a% W; ?3 n
> > directed elsewhere.