HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ G* a. s, T6 b7 o7 z. s
> >                     Effective January 2007
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+ I8 l% z. P& r' F  A5 d> > Dress Code: _# ]1 [: M$ K& |
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& R, [, ~. n- M9 ~. D5 ?5 Z! T> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ p1 F- [0 j) ~) }7 o
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' @" G9 S, }2 F3 B) u> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ P8 U& ?5 w+ [; |6 h& h% x
> > need a pay raise.
- {, b) o' g) n% f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage1 ~  Q# |2 c9 N" G, O3 n5 ]9 e
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer: V( M. v% X- b5 p0 I$ A
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.( L9 b7 M' a* V* `% I9 m- x
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you& t/ _$ V" c6 V" j, J7 w% q: T# R
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 G5 K. f* r% e5 r2 C> > raise.3 p8 I: T3 R: u" d3 v$ Y
> >
2 x" J$ v$ C+ a% D7 p> > Sick Days4 X, \0 e+ P: p" P% A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% r+ I, h* ]0 b1 `; e
> > proof of sickness.3 ~; X' r' W, U) h1 r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 `) Q0 e. r% P
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
/ P6 j8 O% O0 f! e> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ H1 Q/ w" S8 J( T! P/ l> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* Q! |$ g  y% l6 _6 e( k/ i
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> > Compassionate Leave
6 L! H+ A2 R0 `" u. x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
, s2 H: i6 K" ~7 _% S! b  B9 c, R> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" m7 X: F- f5 I  L* V+ g> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 M3 A* {' y: i2 w> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ j( N$ R, N2 Z8 v4 d6 `> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 v" U6 y' I$ ~0 S
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: W% C" H4 K% H, F$ g> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- V7 H. p5 `8 F1 W
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ C  Z% s; X, E2 ^! A
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
7 E+ M5 _# K7 a> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 e, a. H8 r- o4 b7 `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ _7 p/ P% i5 Y. \> > in the cubicles.
- d7 o- D$ t) Q/ Y( T  P# Z: N> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- V5 s% Z+ S* a) d. K$ A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; c/ |" z1 d6 w! F$ S5 B> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* M$ A1 \# \" G& T9 V
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 p+ H; G* f3 n6 L0 ~$ J# R
> > posted on the company notice board under the
  f1 m5 |+ \+ ^) G> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* C+ K6 [; I6 }4 I> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 J! F: A2 D6 ?> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 @0 d# ^% a; }4 u& A& f> > policy.  q; Z* J5 H' S5 e9 e* a
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> > Lunch Break7 F3 ~4 i( Q1 i9 \3 _8 `& P* l! g
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' Z& `) K) h% d/ f* u1 Y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." w8 Y6 c3 g1 u; Y7 ^
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 i' v4 G* E- i& W  M: _! c
> > maintain their average figure.# X! ?8 }1 x- S4 W: J: G
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 P9 I4 Y4 H. `> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; N. w" K* M: n% H( @6 {> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: W" y" L* T5 R; l
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
  x$ w6 H+ X0 p6 X& R0 n, H/ B> > employment experience.3 l! w1 i1 r' K: B1 C$ ~: U8 t. d. q
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& K, i; M% b% n8 Z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 D; |+ h: o: o3 u& P) V: f
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be0 g$ ]# w; {1 X, T
> > directed elsewhere.