HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. t; M: U$ V- z# E( A
> >                     Effective January 2007
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" K! ?; d0 M+ t! e% Z0 q" B> > Dress Code& t6 l. L! M1 J$ H5 @0 {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 M. t, C' r$ K
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' O# ], p! m/ O; r
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
/ B) U- b; |. c1 c2 k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 h& p+ X5 K! s8 p; Y3 S& M" B/ z> > need a pay raise.- z! l+ H. \' @' \4 M
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' }4 J, {# L# B. k) l
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( S9 i" Q) h2 J4 V. U, I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# X4 `" l1 J1 p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you' q. P& q# C* }" x+ @5 H
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 j) Y$ V1 D/ Y, x, _> > raise.
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/ ^6 D; j' m1 W- z1 @+ D8 ]; i> > Sick Days, M$ u3 j" }6 r8 z' q1 s
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 l' E# I3 f' Z+ K; h7 Y> > proof of sickness.
6 j; K0 D* X. E7 g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ l& n3 \( ^& t7 D
> > to come to work.' T8 g) \4 n9 o) R( N
> >% k% P3 w  K4 k" _
> > Holiday Days' [8 c8 _0 J, G# p
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% Z" M  b# K$ p) y. |+ `" l
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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, k0 ^6 u* u* a> > Compassionate Leave
# n  f0 X' Y- X$ ]) j+ F> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 v5 G& k0 A; L  q6 }> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# E/ n! {! A% ?" }' d
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. z7 ^4 D  O" B, ^8 q) ~; t
> > employees attend to the arrangements.  g3 o( s$ [' A% Q; u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 }1 d: Y( O& z+ r0 D9 c
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; Z' Q* ^% ]8 Q( t# T
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ V' q& }! F7 x( k. K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one% C& p8 r" F( h9 s$ b! U
> > hour early.
( T. N3 u1 C) k) J> >
8 g( w* Q9 B; L" e0 v> > Toilet Use
) M2 ~1 U+ x3 _/ D+ `3 O$ n0 F5 y> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
: V- Q+ Q* s  G* p/ r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) B: s& M/ J* h> > in the cubicles.
" @, l3 L8 Z4 @; X& t+ L# }> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* `: ~+ {6 B' ]2 u$ @) t
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" {$ {+ P% h. _/ G8 W9 ~4 s7 q8 A> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ d' |1 S4 h( U$ \
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 k! i- p4 i) w. v* t: q3 ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the$ o! I- [" I- K. z8 }
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 x- Z* Y6 P/ [0 p3 v" V5 P/ m' c
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ b  p$ ]: V# J, G" }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 p9 _7 X( Y1 @. K
> > policy.. y  Z- r9 R6 q) X
> >  [' [, }# Q0 n& x. Y3 C5 K* n
> > Lunch Break
; z, h6 j$ M6 }+ a( J; C+ [4 Z( ?> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% o$ o# S& H0 y2 _5 t' G/ N( I* r
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.% d( l7 I' q& _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
7 ]# o; r5 _% }/ M" H( T> > maintain their average figure.8 j% {' J6 i! b+ \& a- {3 y" G* l
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ R5 S# z8 C5 I3 t! R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 U& w1 m; J7 M> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: G* P7 o' Q2 A5 \2 S# b; {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& T9 u; C* a* i5 Z> > employment experience.% R$ F% \) Z6 W
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 f* l1 D! K; e3 G+ c' }: F> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- k1 o7 B$ z) j" |8 Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& B) J0 S* v# a/ i5 w> > directed elsewhere.