HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:9 Z8 C8 ^  h# X, r8 g4 X1 n
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code0 p( C7 x4 O5 P# H) W" ]6 {; X$ J
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: X- |( y/ d3 {# A  U8 ?& N> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 ^2 l. N: x* @. g! k; k( C3 T, ^
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ p2 m3 |$ p# K/ G7 d9 k
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" h$ }1 }, j9 j+ j
> > need a pay raise.# k# e* \1 I6 X! N8 u/ K4 ~0 `) C
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage3 p( g0 n$ Y) i; {
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
2 A/ `- v% T) V* d. t) G& h* O5 i" `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* L: _; c; k# l, p/ V
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 I- [) `& s: z' }5 r" W
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- {; D& b$ ]  T+ O$ ?1 m2 p5 G
> > raise.5 U& T8 V8 q( c
> >
$ l7 M! f/ B5 r) D> > Sick Days' T- t1 V% q/ X6 P# W; _3 f
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" t6 {3 j1 x3 ^) M+ ]6 W) I/ l) a
> > proof of sickness.
  A6 s* T, g! g( z8 B7 x# l  |9 M$ e6 M> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* }# w7 \2 g4 r
> > to come to work.4 ^* v! z- c" A2 n
> >
& [& P9 }2 t3 h> > Holiday Days9 L" i$ U+ L3 i" Y, d2 D
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* Z: b  M* N6 V  R: J> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
3 H. V' [3 E5 @$ l$ p; }: g- o$ L> >( b# ~6 h9 z3 ?7 Q* A/ ?) p
> > Compassionate Leave
, R9 y1 ^- D* C( t> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& I8 j, _; s# y2 {  b  f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. y/ w( q. D0 M* y2 z5 j4 Q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 x4 |" \7 K% ]& X$ f, I  F& h8 M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 R' ?6 g4 a! h' ?5 s5 y> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 o" {( X4 v$ S/ R. _4 a  T> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# @5 O! q% s+ N' B0 W- d> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 w1 d- {" t) L1 c/ K) n> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' T5 ?7 N7 i8 O& e5 n+ G> > hour early.* W) i* B& Y( w& W: v  u, G0 k
> >1 R7 y+ g: Y/ X2 i  j! @
> > Toilet Use- f! ^2 j8 j7 N, [# F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 y( C/ E+ g+ l' \! m2 t! C( T" {
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 Y: [2 I5 ?7 C# P! I
> > in the cubicles.3 n7 d" E0 Q# u( {2 h
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 ?' a7 `& _' p
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 ^/ I  a( |& Q- Q6 Q# x- z0 N> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 r7 D" R+ ^% Y! H$ B" F$ j> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! v6 i/ R$ s+ t* |. `; N' h
> > posted on the company notice board under the
. a. M1 d7 T# {) e> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 O  A7 l5 v0 T6 R
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be( f" B. ^, V- D
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health( w9 U" Y: T$ c6 ?
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break" U5 B* S# j) |( L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ D& U9 J9 a) ]/ A9 X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.1 h/ x7 t! z5 ^$ }2 h, t) ]
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, Q# T. X! T" Q! q4 ?  c( M> > maintain their average figure.
. P6 U, d' L; }> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 i3 k5 N$ e. R: W4 N" H6 V
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 C7 Z4 s" b0 l& u9 U- _) K
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 m* h( c( y; W
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive  v9 X2 Q4 E2 }% ^
> > employment experience.
# g, ^9 n! q9 T6 F1 m% t> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
( M8 @3 j5 ~, g0 C+ s> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& X. w, Y4 _5 s% }: C7 ~5 u9 j& i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
  ?) m* t  A! Z4 i# s> > directed elsewhere.