HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 w+ n# b6 Z; b2 h" B+ K2 x
> >                     Effective January 20074 z7 [( o7 R3 n( z; q% x6 E  b
> >
4 Z' Q8 ^! x0 j> > Dress Code
: T% A' Z4 K& C% v! F2 q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- B# {8 r5 j4 I( q' H5 E> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ M  z& o/ g) C% S> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# k0 T# R+ r5 `0 |: t' l1 D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; Y5 }6 Z. ], K- w+ z& w; J6 D
> > need a pay raise.: f. j$ K0 Z% q, w8 C2 N
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ R9 t" Y  ~/ s+ [
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 p7 D, S# ]9 i. F6 N7 s/ k8 J> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
5 d; c9 V7 s6 a# b& `7 P> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you* _" L3 f4 Z$ c9 k3 W
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay0 }0 D$ F6 `5 D  Q/ f
> > raise.
4 p  J5 M% N+ ]> >3 g4 }. c: `- o" a" {) ]  _; d
> > Sick Days; S1 h) [8 U0 H! R* ]8 i( k8 Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) ~' u/ j% _0 q1 N0 \0 C' b) F$ R
> > proof of sickness.
$ V" R9 I: Z# b. x> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 j7 U3 E; L, T4 P# Q0 u
> > to come to work.
+ h8 {4 o# G$ t, Y> >- Z9 ?* p1 w7 ?  _% k3 u# D8 M. Q
> > Holiday Days
( B+ I3 j- J0 L& p9 `6 p# t$ ?> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
' ]1 N) D* Q. g) t# K* e+ X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
, G+ x5 b- N6 F: P: N9 }& `> >
. ^" T' R1 m5 a9 ]* P> > Compassionate Leave
/ A2 v4 I' q5 U, v+ b" g$ ~> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) k- M2 x" A( i4 H7 b4 w
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
/ U0 `& _" r1 [2 m9 |( g# Y" ^2 `> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 O8 K/ B) w9 U, P> > employees attend to the arrangements.. j) m' @% E' \7 u/ t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( [/ p4 c: L8 n; l8 e
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 A5 w' [) t+ f! |: N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  C$ I! Q; X2 J: l> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 R2 p6 K9 R# r8 x4 L  K> > hour early.
# H9 b# b; N" a$ F. H8 h> >
6 h% n# |  ~+ f> > Toilet Use
. W9 y& ]8 |  p0 W> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# ?+ a1 {$ V' |3 z$ e! [+ @. r> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* H* s, q8 V7 Q8 @% Y
> > in the cubicles.6 p1 H" t; A: Q- n" s
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 t* D! P; x5 B0 @) a
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: Y" C1 n* r- q3 j6 p6 P
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" B4 }  E# O% G> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 q8 {1 |- T) J5 j1 o
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 O& U7 d# V/ h0 ?6 y3 N% g
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( Z8 k$ p" l, i/ V  c( U> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 R: o3 P& t1 [& T% K/ q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 j$ o. L* _9 m6 _> > policy.
6 E* a: K6 w* k! M3 I3 @> >  I4 D1 P) c; R  p9 C# @& s' R- W
> > Lunch Break4 D2 |" t! K6 O! `" G) g2 A; s
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ W- t. \  x. R1 V# _7 Y, ?> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
$ i9 Z& a4 N# t8 J; O( P2 e> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& W) N& s* }3 y8 x$ c, i, k> > maintain their average figure.5 u( W9 ^2 m* ]  Z. R, x
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time' ?$ K7 W- G7 c% m1 N  _
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! K0 ~" D, n3 k- H+ D> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 z  ^5 @5 G" p, X. y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; Z3 m9 ]4 M4 L  `& M0 `1 P
> > employment experience.# l( w" C% v! g: l' O7 Z* Y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- h- n2 i+ m% O* I% A> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! T- Y5 m* d& D* ^: D7 _+ L- X+ j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ z( r! Q- E, Z% n7 H* X: f> > directed elsewhere.