HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
, c" g% I% J4 k4 k) t> >                     Effective January 2007
9 {' J! [9 q4 f" L1 I3 g> >
2 H" _9 _4 f; M5 ~/ S> > Dress Code  a7 T4 e. I8 s4 R1 N
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 d$ n: V# L4 }, T
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: s9 ^' k5 H/ z/ T) @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 F3 `$ W: z% k  N" ?" p- u> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 y( M3 J* Z4 L' f3 X3 ]
> > need a pay raise.( k+ N- J/ Y0 W4 F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage* Y# [  c# E; L' P7 S" w1 x# E
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& c+ d2 Z- v' b4 e; s# c1 }1 s: o- ?> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ N; H9 v. F$ o  N; j# @( X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ o$ [# g, n( G6 h
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ W+ V4 L& a! F: w# v/ F
> > raise.6 j' W2 p0 o& f) ~
> >
( O) c8 y. k5 I> > Sick Days
# ~6 h, ?6 q' o- p> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  Z2 U5 L& j- \" u
> > proof of sickness.2 T8 \, r2 u. |4 l* `& o
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! l- w$ P/ h& g  }2 R> > to come to work.
) _1 ^5 N3 P$ O# M7 _& N& b% N8 N) G> >
3 d( c: ^: g$ W  `> > Holiday Days+ Y# o/ v: S% L# u: \2 C' ^
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
( e- V# I$ E( h3 s' T' t8 l> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* b7 x+ a# x. \% r
> >2 J1 s' X' E. ?) I' n
> > Compassionate Leave
: x( W  h& V' K3 U" V# y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' F6 ]% |+ n3 d' u. ~1 ]& G2 |2 y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
' D; N0 j* g, Z; w* U2 B> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 w8 Y% V( M; v. [" l- S2 g
> > employees attend to the arrangements.: ~; x  p2 m1 q; {8 i5 ~  ^
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& A; m* I! ~6 e' ^1 }/ ~9 M8 ~: o
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, Y+ X, F1 x1 f: d
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. {' E( }! n" e4 N$ J/ p> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one  @+ C8 Q" l4 l7 X# h
> > hour early.+ y' e3 j( E5 W* n" b
> >
% w/ j% s0 T3 D$ d> > Toilet Use. c& t# R& }+ A! [: J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" V9 c0 ^0 B" Q- Z$ v
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* U) V* ?( p4 ^  X' ~9 N1 K5 X# b
> > in the cubicles.+ L9 l* ?# N6 k
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" u. \$ L" m1 V& q5 [! A> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  y. K5 ~: L, g! Z  \! X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
' d* [( R- \) J8 B- M4 @0 ]: d> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ t. k2 K8 ]% L) |> > posted on the company notice board under the8 X! ^" T5 Z, N. c! L8 U8 v  ]/ A% ?& B
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  T, k: j% W3 j$ D# d
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% n$ \% w* E8 `6 z% w; \) d" U
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 e0 j  b' c/ M3 Z* O2 n
> > policy.
$ [" U/ ^& A- }4 N& i: R& H- f# ~0 {4 g1 Y> >
2 X$ c4 w: Q8 z$ F( v> > Lunch Break
* X- i/ {- W  k) U1 }9 ]# L3 Q4 V2 M8 K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they7 t" T  F1 v: v" v% A4 M, Q
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.& M9 P' a+ U: U/ d3 U
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ [" }# S( J3 X/ \
> > maintain their average figure.9 v4 ~! l: f5 k1 U# M* x3 S3 z* n
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 P4 ]: ?6 D, i3 V. m
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 g" [7 q& b' c( x/ c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 w; _! W/ \, Y5 B  C6 j
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 E; Q8 D! L3 @1 o* J! M- h* J; x> > employment experience.
! d" S1 h0 s% i) q) g' B- |> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 T# t6 V% ~$ ?2 f& v7 p! `> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,: U- c" N  T+ G( f1 j7 p* }! I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 M) U, a" @* M1 Z$ j' o
> > directed elsewhere.