HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
( e6 z9 G9 ]  z  o> >                     Effective January 2007
6 {3 N2 C0 o- R) M$ r- i* h& T# p3 I2 f> >
* r2 ^% W0 r) T0 a. Q# c9 d> > Dress Code
9 n  S$ |2 j/ O, j- [- v1 T> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: n) e0 B% ]- s+ x  ~: c> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing* n, E) k& f! Q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 J$ Z5 ?" z! Z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 g' k* f) `1 ?. y" |$ P
> > need a pay raise.
( n6 Y& P% s- G0 a6 M$ A> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. d% Z* f2 R6 R) B: A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" E( {2 e/ V# e
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ ]* ^8 J( X1 v* ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: }! T: b+ ^9 [: A4 s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 M6 j' B+ ^9 I: ?5 N; M> > raise.9 b9 X3 S& R( _7 Q2 [
> >
2 `- N6 R( W( D- z; ?/ k4 g> > Sick Days3 b; c) K5 P# h& }/ ]9 p
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
3 n. k. W% W. z+ F> > proof of sickness.
( f/ ^) k: ~0 |) L8 B8 K, q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; r) r5 C* @- ?' m% _1 F" G5 y
> > to come to work.% i3 m. K& m' ^" [
> >  U' P! e. x3 A5 B# z  M
> > Holiday Days4 @) B3 }2 z$ @. q- j
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a. F& R) R4 T$ p) H" }
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 ^5 J* I, A) W
> >
/ f) g9 J' c. y3 r& F/ k> > Compassionate Leave
0 @* N1 @2 O' N' F2 Y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) F, f' o5 w9 m/ X& }! f' v" M
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& ~7 {3 j9 |' K% t* o4 e# ]# T+ i5 w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  Z4 x: L. C( ^0 T; m% ^/ T; a! W( a
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
) s+ B: E/ V4 c$ p3 q' ?5 g> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 a0 B) k: o. t( {, T$ z+ @
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 ^7 N! S) h) _; I6 d7 M9 x3 |3 A> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
0 Q0 v: Y6 x% `1 V0 {2 C! _> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; ^8 Z  R6 K+ G1 g( b, Q1 f
> > hour early.
7 i! f; a3 {9 i' \> >+ D3 {+ l/ S7 S$ V* i5 W
> > Toilet Use( f2 \8 U5 G- v* i; D$ d& v4 I
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the- h0 _4 Y7 Q* U( }5 _" H1 x& P: z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 _% p" n; W- v  _+ u
> > in the cubicles.- m; Q6 l6 g2 f
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 v5 d( ?1 N7 D1 B7 X* `3 R3 ~
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; S% l1 P& }2 H7 Q* `
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 f! o& O* M6 y& M6 I- f0 k
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 d; X+ a3 G3 _5 {5 H7 V9 t5 X> > posted on the company notice board under the
3 J/ g3 ~5 X$ [! u, P> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
2 X0 m8 R3 e6 q> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
) }! D, L+ i/ o  e> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 o4 `; Y: U2 q> > policy.# X- @8 B% T* @
> >
" [- k2 A% t7 I> > Lunch Break( E; T; _! V& w! O
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- b7 O4 `7 h0 A( S2 W  `& S% b> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* v* S3 s+ ]+ }& |5 ~* V( E> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* G5 P/ ?; }: D% X1 \, }% R& p( D
> > maintain their average figure.
& i- I+ x+ M! E! N. P8 i3 N  k' S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# O: |4 `+ T! G8 v4 _# y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.% E/ z7 V5 ]. Q- T
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 @9 i) r8 P7 S" i& l
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# v% T" Y$ D2 D" }
> > employment experience.# r  l8 Q  y3 i+ k
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- n5 T/ w+ t8 V. v
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 ^7 G/ O9 X0 N1 n# B( W: P7 }
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
, R  H3 S& h+ p  {+ H. S> > directed elsewhere.