HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& H1 x2 I7 L; c2 G5 _> >                     Effective January 2007
  R( y2 K3 k5 M/ M8 d' X; Q> >
. Y5 e3 U& V" K6 _( Z> > Dress Code* o  R9 L& u: z3 P
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  B, t8 G) N: l; I% C! \> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 {8 P  p; r& s3 `* v* {2 T  w> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( f1 C! n9 K& d3 b4 Q1 g
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 j  C- Z* I0 k( V1 Q. q$ a
> > need a pay raise.
! `# j; ~. \! @9 x& [> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" v$ V0 @1 \9 D2 C
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, o& ^9 @. [, p+ z: I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 U& [5 i( p2 f% c5 G- j5 h) s+ w> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- ?; y* q8 C# J# K2 O7 h, N" r* v> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 t4 n4 k8 m3 f4 G" o> > raise.1 q( x" l- o7 x
> >
4 N8 B1 ]$ k+ }0 L+ Z* G4 s4 |> > Sick Days2 _; O" Q* Z$ }5 \8 G
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( ^" [6 L( r+ d- d2 f1 H9 Z
> > proof of sickness.
* z3 V* f. R+ y, \> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
. f5 W# x, U4 J- m& ]> > to come to work.
; d; N1 n9 w+ s& \& F3 D/ f- V> >8 }4 h& o* V& H7 }+ Y2 Y
> > Holiday Days
1 n' l' o9 _2 F* A$ \1 y  p2 Y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 E9 B) ~; t$ x# h+ W9 \+ z+ C( T' q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., w* j/ ?+ x/ b2 q$ J
> >
# V) E5 X- t4 D$ L> > Compassionate Leave' z0 C' m2 n, u; @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ H8 I' j0 u7 e% [, O> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) V! J2 M) a+ I+ T* X8 K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 d7 A/ n- ]. l# E  {5 h% C% Z2 V  {> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 a# S# g+ e  B
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is+ r$ @  S  f! z$ K: o, S
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' p9 `9 r" m( W/ r! X- D; f
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 X8 E/ p6 n& _0 t0 u' W& P> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; j. M, Q4 r# }6 d4 I+ Z6 b, n> > hour early.
, ^% b  i' t+ r! I; o" P; A8 n> >
" ^# H5 k# X# `" `1 T; n, Z; O  F: T> > Toilet Use$ M. s, r6 W; O8 u* x
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 s, E4 x% |' w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit7 p8 t0 H6 V7 |3 h
> > in the cubicles.$ \. d$ F3 o/ ~
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" x+ ^) ~: M3 P' C! ^7 m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 r! X+ e& s% b" k4 ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 N) f; c* `2 T2 x2 ]# H4 J& R> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; m  J: R! |' b0 h( w) \0 R
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* l1 ?5 _7 @$ z; Y& `& H; r; H> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
2 d+ J: a. |4 |3 @% A5 j+ g> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ E& V5 `: V1 r
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ A7 `2 C: I; w" _% i> > policy.$ @) K* r9 }9 J3 q$ b' i2 m
> >
  V8 d# }, d: s! L9 y/ q> > Lunch Break
4 m# Q8 K/ E0 n. i> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 z( ]. b& [) G+ M> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ ~" Q' D; L$ q) r  ^8 z2 ?> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; b- g1 B+ |( H/ p; a7 V- A
> > maintain their average figure.
$ P8 ^  v( x/ i! `0 `7 k> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 E! H6 K" P# j: ]3 L3 C
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
: k. G8 k0 n# s> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; u1 `- I! P8 a% n
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( [( Y- n2 K) V" c0 p/ ~$ N
> > employment experience.0 Y! E1 h- p" F! r# \& v
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 j8 B- H; r; Q6 D. L5 b! I> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ ^( T) s$ K- ]! f7 N
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 I" t  U; b0 r" S9 u3 V
> > directed elsewhere.