HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:, J, @0 E, k1 T3 [
> >                     Effective January 2007
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3 h! E" |: Z+ ]& h2 Z> > Dress Code
+ N  ]! {4 Q# r& M8 B& ^> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 w7 n; p5 N3 Y1 a, W0 b# d
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 x5 }9 Q- @$ b
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ b- K9 R$ w! R; k> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& i3 k* C) ]) Z8 z& Z
> > need a pay raise.: T  ]8 m4 W7 N" p  |
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
3 V( F: K; A( _# N: `> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 e; z, @; E0 n/ K' Z8 M! i5 [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' b/ Y3 M( z# F0 k: G& F> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 Y4 E$ S0 D0 m9 P& y# Z5 Q
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  t  P) d5 @. s3 A$ N' g> > raise.& T- I7 Q  O8 t+ @& Q/ U
> >
* a4 X/ V. _% V+ g+ t> > Sick Days5 f( t. h5 F$ j' B' e
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# t* }5 K8 Z- g7 M" b. K
> > proof of sickness.
8 K& ~2 v& d. F$ _# N2 P/ H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! P0 ^8 |7 i, F5 V> > to come to work.) I3 m4 L  b6 G$ B
> >! h0 F6 P" E- U. p
> > Holiday Days
, Q" X; \, _. _$ O/ g> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
7 q, K, y% f+ U( v! ^# l: X$ c- n> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- Q( h* D& M& r+ a2 o/ b6 {
> >
/ O  U  w3 }4 s" u> > Compassionate Leave6 t/ V# s+ B* ?
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- U9 A5 @8 o: d> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ w8 _* j! L: b
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, O9 X$ e( n: k$ J0 ^1 }3 v3 {" J
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# e3 e. E& j5 j) ?$ i, C> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
; ~1 ^5 ?/ X7 N2 ]> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the* v% E! p9 {2 F1 h4 S( @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, `6 u0 c+ d0 }3 \
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 M( Q( ^2 i2 T6 f3 ]0 d0 H> > hour early.
8 A3 ~3 R! M9 N$ \! s3 N) a: Y> >, t' v- ?" a6 a: S: x) h% [( l0 u
> > Toilet Use
0 d6 d; r8 n" b, w8 P* e8 y# }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ A9 R5 N' N# |  j" {) U' g
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
5 F- I+ _  v" b2 P! B5 C* g> > in the cubicles.
" F1 I, r0 P$ G6 g1 E> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 Z6 v6 e( x$ {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle  n! a5 H. p# T. o2 Z; [
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* f; s: v  W6 e- i' i3 W& s
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; T) S3 N2 X8 B> > posted on the company notice board under the* r+ [) m, G* q; T; r3 @
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( H# J* H! a- X2 C* e9 x/ p
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 t) ?6 C" a) S. i2 h> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 P8 X# C: R9 w- }0 Q7 i+ i) Y3 b& F> > policy.# F3 |) _# D7 B/ z2 p! L. T
> >
0 y3 ^' C2 K3 b* ^) ~/ Y8 i> > Lunch Break
1 A$ B. x2 o6 h, ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) _# o6 x3 |6 I" E. |8 B8 g
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( s( W) X4 L, I, m
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" V2 Z' m2 j! P, E5 d2 j! Z
> > maintain their average figure.( f+ {( p$ j, |$ J5 h5 V/ ?
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time- d' i! g! N3 P+ y+ f3 L$ ]
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 X; |, P4 a0 ~. Z  o) r> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- t8 F, u6 m% S" |# @& S
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 e7 |4 y% S; h: h> > employment experience.! U" m: P8 c# C6 m8 C$ r0 w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, O0 D/ V: j  {3 M# O> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! R: j8 }6 h8 j8 f- E! j
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be7 G/ |. }  E/ L" g- v
> > directed elsewhere.