HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:/ F; H% J+ A7 Y7 d4 u* V. A  U
> >                     Effective January 2007- T; `: v3 D) Y0 I* v  l
> >
* i1 [/ E  N% e. B1 }: U> > Dress Code9 F3 }! [+ p' C- J5 N0 ^4 b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" s0 ~( a- y2 Y2 L- _, e> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" [" k. h; e! x$ V9 o) n  D
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 I( G. s! Z, q0 x5 n
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! Y9 o" ?+ |+ G. f4 \
> > need a pay raise.
% ?& E8 R" Y! P, b* x> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage: ~& ^) w0 }! N0 S+ \+ i
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% F1 R1 Y& N  H' Z. c> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) H, Q5 t; {9 y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 m9 y% g2 J% B" s- H, d
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& ^- u# x! L  @4 b
> > raise.8 K0 Q1 i" J$ j4 h
> >& t' ~- G6 D# P+ V% X
> > Sick Days1 z" P! ?6 [" n, d* n2 y% Q. T
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as1 K0 C- A* D  V* \
> > proof of sickness.
, z/ W3 d4 j: P3 f> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# Z4 V# i2 L8 K/ P& l> > to come to work.
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5 b+ E" V4 l; I4 X; M8 Q> > Holiday Days
2 k' F8 S& x8 m9 ?" D3 }4 m* G> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 F5 ~3 a8 @! c: C. o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ Q7 j8 ~3 @; D) R2 M. W> >
4 P; f- u# k8 c- W1 M2 D3 B* d> > Compassionate Leave, M* W3 r" ?+ \" Z* [( a
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 @0 P1 d/ z( X; \4 t5 J6 ^> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 ]( @% w/ {; e) o) X6 b+ }! X> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-" n' z* r2 s4 K/ U# I
> > employees attend to the arrangements.- C! l# J; @% x# D
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) W0 R/ }8 P) o1 J
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- K( A$ a/ z2 K, m5 E
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ U. Z% R" q& Y& R1 x
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ K! _9 b2 |$ e/ }5 ]( k
> > hour early.9 B0 l2 M+ `) K
> >
9 E2 I) h; |0 `9 y8 [, x2 v& c) M> > Toilet Use
0 R5 \( x8 y4 z) k> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 M$ ^1 p; E. m3 ]
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) M0 j5 C( J& C6 f$ m> > in the cubicles.% i) }& O, r* R$ L$ w, ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: {* J7 A& `) }8 O1 B9 {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 t: N. m+ s& D; z- Q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 V& ]  K5 _& [( V5 v5 A1 L> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( C1 T) A  V; f# g6 q. P1 V  l% P> > posted on the company notice board under the, m4 J% s% M- R5 {4 G2 v
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 Y. {* G. `9 i; [% ~: p
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
9 e1 B( a* B/ l# x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ b/ M: X" v' a) \6 W# F# G
> > policy.$ Y: a9 v/ Z# y: v
> >
' U) ~9 }" Z* P  T4 n+ e% F> > Lunch Break
4 F1 G" g2 H; Y% h* T4 r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
% I; B1 D/ b& t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( b) ?8 s+ |6 V  n% D
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% o5 @5 M2 E  u$ a
> > maintain their average figure.
' _, T- ]5 i2 s; l7 t> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& ?, R) Z& @* {. z6 S> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
5 a+ J  n% A& P+ r/ u0 q> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- f& H1 m: s. w8 ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ M( j7 ]6 ]! ^  K- p# l$ O, c
> > employment experience.
- I5 |4 |+ L( Z) @  V' c. K> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,5 j$ e1 F. y$ c
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 L7 M; @6 M: ^+ J* [/ _. u
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 {' P" F% h/ U$ K1 L% [
> > directed elsewhere.