HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 M, m  h0 y7 ^6 l/ m; ~4 j) p. z
> >                     Effective January 2007$ J9 u0 J$ d+ s, R0 I
> >6 |( M5 V: a" Z8 f- B" p
> > Dress Code* g. f" v5 r0 }) q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* Q1 A4 h5 @5 b7 @> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing7 S% T* D% C# ?) Z7 |
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 e7 o0 M0 R  c( X7 k
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 A, e, k  `# ~5 R0 U
> > need a pay raise.: p& t) O" C' W: j4 A
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 T# I# ?( o* K
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* F9 S2 |" l$ t6 c4 z8 b: L
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, m8 Z0 A7 k8 ^2 M. H( ^& L. @> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" A% _! Z/ m  K) Y. F! i; P4 e
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 \0 U5 V6 k. O3 g+ C$ W> > raise.
% P7 @2 g# `) T) {% ~. _7 {6 Q6 @> >4 |" x: n3 O  U6 L: P  I/ u
> > Sick Days" J7 K( Q" |# E0 P3 y$ w5 L4 W3 [
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 c- {2 }) d) g4 k2 h4 Z> > proof of sickness.! {' ]( l) i1 O. Q) C9 C) [; b
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 \( a0 ]9 {6 x. F> > to come to work.# l7 G  M/ r2 Y3 k( S
> >
/ C4 ^$ J  f  f6 z# y> > Holiday Days
! _! P& ^: |2 W: j> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* G$ ^: _* D3 t3 E> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& n/ {& J1 J4 c* ]) z> >
7 T3 Q7 g: o* f4 C> > Compassionate Leave
0 M/ J" m% ?( l9 c> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing' M7 G- M) z! r5 ?3 S
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% H9 |: J( F4 Q+ J4 K2 @> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-2 S# p, d9 W7 N- {7 H# M" f" \
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, ?# b# [1 ]4 ~+ Q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ E. _3 @5 g5 W  C& M
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ G3 I4 ]% W( C: l7 ~% p' g> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* R+ x+ u* c+ W+ I9 y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ |' T- p/ `0 `7 [/ X
> > hour early.$ B6 D( ^/ \& o# u
> >5 X+ @; }; B) {
> > Toilet Use- ?3 g' I' A6 Q) R$ k& d
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 f$ ^& v# ]6 O1 C1 X- I8 b( |3 Z$ ]> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 X3 _0 l  s7 t# M6 w! ~  ^> > in the cubicles.# i# y3 T8 y  ?, S
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' |3 z1 k6 m; m, [# u( ]
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 u/ }- `% x; L& R$ E( j$ I: Z4 u> > door will open, and your picture will be taken." B& C8 y: N) y+ y& G+ _: m' {8 w
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* o2 K* y4 r* ?' i! O: H
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* v( s2 H+ M# e2 b> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' W0 J- H- H, S# \7 B
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 S7 m" Z& L, Y. ^$ L> > sanctioned under the company's mental health4 r: g4 b6 k0 T* N
> > policy.
. t( `& k3 `' E& A> >
0 H# j( ?" s* N! v+ T> > Lunch Break
" P1 {) l" q& q$ I5 b> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  G7 L( n# ~; G2 t5 @' u1 W1 J> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
3 o4 V7 M1 D- i# w' ]> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ h2 i* c* P+ }- W  O* g/ N  b
> > maintain their average figure.7 @' D# d% A' c5 z" ?
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) [; L( j. M3 R* b1 {  y% P
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; x  }) K$ q% b6 u5 C$ Z% \> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; O- j* `+ j4 i$ A1 I
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ i7 ^, u/ r( w4 U2 F; `: d6 j> > employment experience.6 Y* N2 F4 R; s9 h' \& X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& B- D6 C! m' W' k) e
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
6 G8 I& ~' f5 \) @  P> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; N# t) ^: ?% l' a$ }
> > directed elsewhere.