HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:9 `& M9 d4 A3 T. h' e
> >                     Effective January 20078 Z0 h& w$ v8 F" Y
> >0 m5 Z& [0 V" P
> > Dress Code
/ S" i& _2 j6 o9 p% @" y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& j9 h: _6 i" R2 H  d1 I5 G* g) D
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 O) N" o! f* ?3 Y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ m7 R+ P' I8 p
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
3 l. A9 w, s0 b! X+ @8 b5 o> > need a pay raise./ |6 Y( l9 w$ y/ u
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 M8 d: v" j! e7 }0 t, K& v+ f
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 M9 u6 l$ U8 @> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 Q" }. d: Y& k' ^
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* S% {4 P5 k) @) O% [0 ?1 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) z# Y  k; ^$ m% C4 k. E
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days  @. E* v* p: c  U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' ~) I$ e2 s  D. G7 h4 ?4 u> > proof of sickness./ A6 S+ P4 I9 [0 r$ r- O
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! P$ ^$ W# Q! s! b
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
; c0 N5 K* t4 U+ r> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 v8 P. ]3 j$ C# H9 O
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave8 O. f0 O1 H: N- c" C$ T
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, c( \- M4 d0 P$ j- @0 J
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 _6 ~7 Y- i2 R  G# g# ~
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& R2 x/ u- @5 F0 u7 h> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ g9 S* d# b+ X* N8 ]
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* h" y! G5 C7 Z' B" [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' A2 p. |5 X" T. L+ [/ i
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 R3 q) H' M, k5 v' W
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
& s7 d2 s; ]' \7 l> > hour early.3 m& ~7 j# C; [. V" n0 m0 A
> >
$ ^. U) [( M, z; \; |! a3 p> > Toilet Use
9 _, a- r0 S# z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; h  j- k5 c3 b# {2 h> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 \5 j2 \# @/ F4 W- b) [/ @> > in the cubicles.
+ ^0 K1 C' G1 b8 n4 S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 ^3 v8 P: I/ a* j* ]> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, m9 V! N% E& m* [' F. i7 {# G; `. }> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. e) T8 O% v2 S  M; W" n! R
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' a( M- B! k9 r" D' Q> > posted on the company notice board under the
% I- r' L# W* O) l' T: @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ u# L* T; i; i, _* n2 U0 F! E$ r" X> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. r/ D4 R6 A( ~) R> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 s3 ~9 o1 T# |; x: F3 r  |  |
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break8 C6 R4 p/ Z& D8 D: t" V
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& t( A" d3 d/ K7 G  m7 B* S> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% J* R" t$ o/ }, B% H' a> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 N5 k: b3 Z+ T> > maintain their average figure.
, b+ [6 w5 H; y, D: o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: p3 c; x7 a8 @1 C> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 o% G5 y' j- ]. O& ?0 e6 U* R
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ d6 O3 H. i3 D9 F: c> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* \* y1 U4 E+ N' S: r
> > employment experience.' I3 V) o' \" C$ ^! H
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* \  W9 e0 i) K; g
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
) T, q* y3 w# ]9 ]9 N( W6 ~; I& x2 i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% Y( j; {: |! L' p8 F; X
> > directed elsewhere.