HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) X* K* ?# E8 A, O. S
> >                     Effective January 20078 Q; S  ]+ D3 V" q7 L3 R
> >" b% r% w/ f  J" X
> > Dress Code# Q6 W2 s4 E: \
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; h, R1 m) U; N9 a4 p/ ^8 u4 }' N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: G9 U0 \7 T+ V# z2 N* H, z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& k& k+ v' e' F; {* a$ N+ l. B1 i! J
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 ?2 `4 c1 J1 e' S1 j
> > need a pay raise.  a+ Q& u; O  S7 I
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. h' C3 B$ ^0 G/ ^2 y# M! S& B> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 v" v1 y- w6 A& e3 u
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* B6 U" ^/ u6 R  L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 S; O4 [: e9 U2 X> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ I) X& x1 [& \8 L
> > raise.: E7 j8 {. a& R
> >. X  `4 M5 j5 D0 l, v$ e
> > Sick Days9 P; b3 X! F+ H) [2 P. ^
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! i" S8 ]9 F% L! y! H+ Q; V! M0 q> > proof of sickness.
  R) @8 ]# B8 K/ |& i: B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- x2 H0 z9 `' Y
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days8 c, V7 _0 {8 K. {% o7 @
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% X+ @8 g5 {; [9 S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 j" U8 R& _7 S, z3 c- Z( K- @7 Q
> >& c3 B' M, `6 c: `7 C1 `9 m
> > Compassionate Leave- F* |9 c# I; J0 Z8 Q: S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* X, b  d+ `7 C% T: v. n. s
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
$ G- z; b) S) \+ A$ ]> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) |! K% o' G6 E& H5 J* j9 N) p
> > employees attend to the arrangements.- I: w8 o7 y+ I; T1 E
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, V/ p- H" b5 Q& @
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) p! G2 R; l) p. \* S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" q& {0 j' c( _
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! Z' R  w+ ^3 X) |" R
> > hour early.
- G$ ]: o7 r# w( N9 l" V> >
5 e& T, @6 ^+ K3 G5 t, R: _> > Toilet Use
  R6 M' @3 i7 `* R. a  x> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 y: ^7 M/ m4 q0 n9 X" R. A> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. R) v; U, _/ O: E: m
> > in the cubicles.6 I; F7 g3 R9 u7 d% X! j
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ L- J, M* c# ^" W: ~& `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ v5 k( T( S; g+ b8 i0 y+ Q; J& f> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 f6 G6 n, j1 T+ e7 R5 e> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be$ _/ j5 C$ Q, R  u* l
> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 N, N7 w( I/ f! c  i5 S> > "Chronic Offenders" category." x. g5 U/ i" ]$ U, }
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
0 [0 L% {' g; i3 ?6 A1 Z8 Z: v> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 I; b  \" C+ F' a2 d# i0 L7 T* z> > policy.  O4 D3 P  ~& C) Q) e( u
> >
( o5 J: {- p! m> > Lunch Break7 {5 E5 E9 R' f
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& [- R: t- x# a# [> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 f) _* Q3 f' v$ M! c+ \> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* g8 j$ n9 u. R/ r& q3 ?/ l0 e
> > maintain their average figure.) A  [% h: S/ X( V& G
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: N: s. W2 N9 w: P! Q
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 D4 o% z( p6 L; l/ \/ G
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 M- V3 b$ P0 P, g$ L+ i9 z' e
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 ^' O: r; {  ^( {9 s9 r8 i
> > employment experience.
( r1 E6 s9 `" p3 ~> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( D& v/ e) b2 T4 ]- ]
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' p0 u) }8 M$ z+ o4 |- [> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be& E1 n. @+ M9 Y: }! |) \. u8 Y9 z
> > directed elsewhere.