HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ l( A9 A" \2 `0 e" t> >                     Effective January 2007
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4 W  y( c) y& s1 f, `% V6 D> > Dress Code$ T! W7 X) S6 C6 C+ Q( w
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
! F7 m9 A& z6 O( U! M7 Z; `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( c3 W3 D2 ?; W! P* ?; [% H( d: v1 x> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 ^) L: L6 C# N  Y  U> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, D1 g& e1 I3 ?- ^9 ~1 d> > need a pay raise.5 t- @  z) y4 Y2 |
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) }% Q* t; {% Z- Z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& {  @' a. b* N: p* @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.( l. L& J2 I0 I" \# [3 l/ V* L0 X* D
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, ?$ X- T( E6 ^, k/ t. g& t$ G
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 r. ^) n9 }; b7 t> > raise.' o: `3 q: U- e0 A" b) I0 |; M0 x2 w
> >
( R3 k! e5 U) }& _$ W- S> > Sick Days/ O: v) c! c3 g- M, }/ l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" Y9 B$ O1 V' D0 E
> > proof of sickness.3 H" P' ?5 `, p* A; G
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 }% U2 w% c! K$ @> > to come to work.# i0 b$ s. {# q& _3 j
> >% `- _4 \5 |" ~+ T
> > Holiday Days% I+ z. u: r: g3 G
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
& B2 Z/ ]5 W# k3 J> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
" F1 `' o% A/ E; H0 `> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
% m9 l* |- `+ {( N: x> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% X8 ]# `- Q( p  W1 H
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; q/ k* z; m1 a  o5 V0 R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
/ Q1 L  P; u+ @# l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
9 x+ ]) U" Y2 s6 n> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- D: T$ [/ p5 u- o2 V> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. C3 {% E: R  F1 d
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( J' K7 |8 l$ Y3 T8 M) z
> > hour early.$ A. K& H3 K) A$ g  ^, t4 K) H
> >
9 n* V! g" P& q' W! W> > Toilet Use
5 Z0 B. S; P% m5 ^- L> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, E5 x) V5 P- ^5 [* y$ F6 l$ q
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ X3 }  K9 R8 t$ h5 W
> > in the cubicles.
% W  f/ ~; h3 T  j$ a/ q# r1 Q: H> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! w- L1 r8 v0 y) b, M
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 k6 B6 F3 E" t. T
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
0 [9 C1 j' u8 }* }0 b& i# e1 w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# o3 T. E. u8 u$ P* z( w. Q. J1 `> > posted on the company notice board under the' I* m8 u& H1 h1 }6 O
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( R( P2 t( E- i4 V; k8 u% p$ h: }
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- Q! v# _! Z" e# {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- d) U9 V. }  Y0 U4 |$ N> > policy.% r( o# F. A0 F3 G
> >
% k& E& O, `1 _4 T/ H! y> > Lunch Break
+ W" N9 g- c( n; ~; ]! p> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they. B2 M3 @% F  H7 ]5 W8 ^% \* r' w
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* i9 v, y/ z& _5 U
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 [% A0 Z3 x2 k  d! M5 V9 j+ W& h6 k> > maintain their average figure.( f% V" Y: K6 S( w* j$ |& O9 H4 H
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  P% j0 Z1 I* u! b6 w# @> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 ?( a+ m3 m; }( W, X! D* W+ Z: r, M$ M3 f
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 m2 f# W& i7 c4 e) u! `$ @> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 h8 }, ]" ]: y' x5 C+ @0 f4 m+ V
> > employment experience.8 I! V: M$ n# l3 [* |) B4 R$ N, f& q" X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ B+ j6 d- r+ D. g> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,0 W* h5 e# r: ]1 w3 T" L
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ }9 C" |9 Y' O5 ~1 F) v, F; d
> > directed elsewhere.