HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* E, {* _2 \: }4 k% _
> >                     Effective January 20078 O: n/ ~3 J! W5 L! s
> >- Q( J+ n% I. k, B) O$ H
> > Dress Code
0 A4 o  _3 Z- v) z8 U8 Z8 J> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" M2 A+ y2 F: l0 N> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 ^8 @5 U, _7 \$ d> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 L& }0 b& b1 j% e, I8 Z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not1 q1 y& ^3 ]+ U9 L$ }
> > need a pay raise.
: Y/ j1 L5 u4 {> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 H# g, t9 p, H4 j. n5 ^> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# G( A& p. j; s
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
0 q. a9 `8 j, G. Y% ~4 P> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ e' X6 I  G8 a5 u7 O8 G( N
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
+ _; ^# M: r, E9 ?( ~8 o. n3 t> > raise.9 [1 ~$ p- [( H2 C% u/ t8 Q4 U
> >
& P# s" c# P9 d3 M9 u> > Sick Days9 b0 Z) \/ w1 ]! L7 M9 o
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 ?0 `$ p) e+ e
> > proof of sickness.
$ l; W& B0 p1 l7 V6 f% I6 q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* I! R2 Q6 O$ p# `5 x3 C/ C0 U% T
> > to come to work.
7 f3 e# s( Q1 g8 q* A) R> >
" p- X: _2 L4 ]9 [2 j& u$ @> > Holiday Days
9 G" V( R! M3 Y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 P1 M. F1 R, b+ h% T> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( n8 }9 @$ W2 p: _! E( Z> >) D) S+ n2 d) E% {/ W% X; s
> > Compassionate Leave' J: |( p, o% V3 i$ T: |- e
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 [( F+ ^: U3 N( }8 F, S8 _# h
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; ~3 w" L) S/ k+ r5 n$ P> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ z+ w6 H( U' T8 D6 W' Z( {> > employees attend to the arrangements.& H8 y2 W3 E8 ~0 D1 c
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
- B: E- Y' g7 d3 h* I1 \2 l# ?0 e> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
2 O# }# R% A" {; E7 a- _  a> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
6 O& I2 ^, C3 b( S. b+ J, E( U& C> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  j7 ^# {% ~/ ]* {4 c> > hour early.
# @7 y1 M! I) Z; Z> >
) m. c$ L8 }) h" ?> > Toilet Use" F0 j5 Q2 K5 ]) N- c* {
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( a& z5 V' V( N6 b2 u7 ]3 ^/ Y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
. B3 V9 V; J8 M- y> > in the cubicles.! Q: i! c3 ^1 V2 E6 e, _
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& H# \& ?& f7 r, v$ a2 U, i$ U3 B
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ S' X' e3 R% S* D4 [1 L> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 N' R. N& H$ V5 N$ M0 v
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& u! ]* r$ W, u# ^; F4 c
> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ S& N+ f- `8 x1 G$ C: D# I> > "Chronic Offenders" category.% C, @" d, o1 `3 ]: q# g7 {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- g' M8 h  ]4 y/ _" {- G. w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* x5 C* h8 H# Y( T1 N( [
> > policy.5 ]: u% `% W/ \4 p( R" x. n
> >
- r; I4 {0 h& g> > Lunch Break6 {% A* v' O- F0 ~1 j- a: w
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
' Q6 W' U4 }& l7 l& J- k> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ e- L8 O8 E  C( r# c0 w
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" n  M6 b) X( `& s> > maintain their average figure.
3 r) s7 \4 b) c6 m> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# {  a' t9 O4 j- v! V
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ I9 W8 K7 K" j+ v, k0 ?+ M> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: B0 \8 Z3 Q3 Y& ~2 `> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% I( V; V. B8 N! M- l' S0 c1 _- Z" i> > employment experience.$ k& X& R/ u3 Q5 S5 V2 r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* K  f; ]# ?, v1 o9 o1 k> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. Z6 G9 d3 d1 F% U- \5 {3 k
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# q9 v# L: W/ d% A. S
> > directed elsewhere.