HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& c& c. u9 {1 k1 V> >                     Effective January 2007/ B. Q6 C1 G( b( I8 Q
> >9 a! ~& d* V  h2 r' N# I
> > Dress Code
2 C# L: v( e- m# [> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. t$ u5 }! M) ~4 A; ]! ^: F
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
" V# t% p  M; e- v. M> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 F. s( P: d+ R: ~9 m/ a9 V
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; ]4 r  ^1 x; X+ ]9 W% @; ~- u2 X
> > need a pay raise.
0 |' l( D  W% \* X& G/ X, h% g9 X" `> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 k$ o7 y6 ]. }) r' t: N, d
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& D/ d- @& Z2 Y# H
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." y3 S0 F; G5 c- T4 X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
  U, z8 ~+ ^& t# K> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 N( d& Q0 R  Q3 t* i) o- N
> > raise.
# H& v- l3 r( m: }% }2 Z% I+ \; j> >
/ i2 s7 c8 g: S  @; e& }/ W> > Sick Days' k8 j* s, P# ?+ G( C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as3 Q( I9 M, h& w
> > proof of sickness.
9 o* K9 y" Y; Z% |8 h; R> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# d& Y" J# n1 o; n  |8 G& p
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
6 m& r" ^, r( c' ?> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) |2 E2 O& W* G7 f! I1 L> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ v+ Y2 p' n/ [) ]> >0 ~  F+ h$ x9 L; v
> > Compassionate Leave) Y- ?9 P! S6 ]" j
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 j4 A: ~, V0 l" u
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" w$ H* G( h% t6 P* o; A6 Y5 z) T> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 L* n* t% a8 Y! w; x7 ^/ s4 \' [- {
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 w8 }2 Q  D! t+ M! l' A* x: x> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 i+ J$ y. m8 c5 {& s' U  t% [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& n' g! T) s9 i; j8 v9 h- Y! d& V
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 r7 G( k8 [9 m5 P: R> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one% d  C, q9 s- g
> > hour early.0 K, ?7 ?2 i1 Z: F- u# ?) T4 h
> >
: ~' ?; q! b! ^) u5 y> > Toilet Use
$ K) I4 i) B+ y$ U: W1 T1 p> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" C+ ^( T# L, r7 ]- r3 r
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; o# \% Z/ d% h  t! v" d9 ]
> > in the cubicles.7 [* v$ t: F& C1 R& p
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# d# Q! U: ^, ~3 y( _> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 K. H/ u# z( u6 H5 w1 B
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( C4 c/ R3 z4 u> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 Y1 e5 {( [: Z- u, Y" G; ?" Q> > posted on the company notice board under the" U* V8 V) c7 X( i1 Z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.) {" |9 @$ R, G+ |
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! [: k6 ?/ g' J6 j8 Y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health# Y& Y( _: `/ k6 \
> > policy.& o- S3 O( m" t9 j# E7 Q. B& }
> >
( R6 @7 P  U  r" Z2 K> > Lunch Break
; f- u7 G; S8 O) b, v> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 r6 B5 f  o5 s3 `3 h) J# _
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: F" x$ ^  |1 u7 {' E9 m4 i( N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 @& {5 |: l' B0 _% B! d4 i8 U# w> > maintain their average figure.
* N  m1 C& ?5 Y( j7 i. W> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 R9 g* y6 C' [5 p% F; {  t9 |+ X
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
5 p8 V$ r, }+ G; r6 i/ F$ ^: _/ o> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" \6 A. t" e5 N, c7 F1 w
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' K- s' K* H, D/ D* ?> > employment experience.- ?8 J3 G  Z8 u  B2 E( K% O
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
. \, D% E: @. T- D% J> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 B4 A/ [) Z9 y8 Y; X4 i
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' I5 M% D4 {2 O% q
> > directed elsewhere.