HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:7 m) Z1 }& a) ^
> >                     Effective January 2007
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0 e6 u+ o( W1 N; z  ^) T& l> > Dress Code: w5 y! w1 @, S4 B9 r, t6 Q  |& @
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 _3 N1 I9 J: y) D) E  H- B5 S: r3 C4 j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% _6 P8 z+ V* H, l% d) k" V% Y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 N: E+ {) O) o7 {! l> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( W; w- z5 @. h& Q
> > need a pay raise.0 F8 g9 x! g* S% G
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 p" d9 e: ]! }" j) g. [> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& d0 |. {8 V9 W& R* x0 U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% G- N, V; s/ z5 m9 Z2 g> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 n1 k" P) {9 r4 n( E: n
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 X9 Z- w3 P8 W) r8 x3 u
> > raise.
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( z. Q, y  W( a1 F> > Sick Days$ R" R' e. v$ R! U8 S$ Y8 q1 S, H
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% k% j1 Y0 c! x$ h6 P6 b& L7 o6 N
> > proof of sickness.
2 s. S1 s. H. a2 |% W> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) c8 _9 B: ?# R1 e4 f% n> > to come to work.2 \$ d3 z: x; ~. F9 l+ ]
> >
* D7 K2 j7 c4 l) ?> > Holiday Days$ e# N3 S8 b8 D) H  f! P5 M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, Y9 }4 \* b5 \: a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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6 \/ m) Q% u) Q0 g1 I$ S8 D$ ]( h> > Compassionate Leave' R3 ]5 b* y$ F0 e) Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ u2 \% B: b# h3 I7 b: ]
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) |2 g" V3 }6 T$ G, M8 P/ s> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( s0 |: o" S) V- m  A
> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 y0 [. [2 h& u7 x) f
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! v% J  [0 \  W  J( v& q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& n5 d1 {! p* P
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 B( X1 N/ I. L- Q" F% i1 F7 m4 R> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 H6 ~1 r+ C) s5 G  P1 E> > hour early.
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1 J. O2 w: T( h3 H> > Toilet Use* [4 `3 ?( m. @
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( }+ i# [( X, h7 C  O0 A# Z2 N( o
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, ^+ ~1 J- H# k* G3 L9 N> > in the cubicles.1 N# [3 n$ Y/ {, v) u( ?
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 E% }. [& d& O) |$ W
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 {6 d: y7 }( V/ t: `/ Q1 k) H
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ E2 S# Z* b% v- Z+ F; t> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 r! X" ]! |$ w! [
> > posted on the company notice board under the
9 R" y0 ]2 d5 E9 T* R% W: k> > "Chronic Offenders" category.! B) [& E1 y" u3 U  z9 Z) o$ }
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# ~1 \' e/ s) X: V> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' e( ^9 o6 U5 Z6 E5 X4 L> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break" d5 e1 {  L5 `, u$ h4 t
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 I4 B+ A6 Z' ?& b8 Z/ ]> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
, y8 n' N1 c7 Y4 R0 F$ S$ G" L> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 `% s9 T6 U( \4 J& J) M  S> > maintain their average figure.
( ]1 a! T1 _, B( U' Y2 n> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 ]: a. N4 ^/ d5 @) k3 M
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 I% e- {, {" r0 c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 e' r' K# N2 J0 K4 r% b> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 T, Q2 ~% G/ l8 r
> > employment experience.8 c% E& [: `, M5 W1 [
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 {2 \# W9 V4 D7 r2 r> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* Y) w7 @% S$ E+ L6 \> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be& G. \% v! [& M  n' ]
> > directed elsewhere.