HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
" A# r4 r% v9 ~" N> >                     Effective January 2007
6 ~3 L* n  g. E* h  f8 F- W> >
7 u8 P% D# Y. s, h> > Dress Code) R$ W) Q8 [8 E# j/ P
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" o4 Y3 G- P- r: K" w7 k+ O
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 z4 w. b3 S$ U
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  M* O5 X8 S2 x4 e, J. u0 {$ @5 Q
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) a1 `; @9 S& Z. U
> > need a pay raise.0 R1 X4 n1 Z( W; q. x# @. e
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. ^$ {( Q5 J# j  T
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 F0 L9 [( s  H6 Y& |> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 j- D" B2 p0 G, }/ w6 R
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you  k  z( p9 m4 Q4 h. [# `! j
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; U# o# @/ X: z7 X% @# t/ h
> > raise." E4 y; w/ K2 h6 s$ c$ F+ J3 F/ n
> ># [5 @9 ^6 M/ ?! g$ I
> > Sick Days) A- f1 Q; V0 g- _$ p, S7 C) T
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# p  \" r: Z  z% ^' C0 o> > proof of sickness.: b( v" R! X( d: a2 l
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* E; |' q- D9 S$ p$ f
> > to come to work.9 b: h, i3 `# |' @# f+ d2 p6 c5 k
> >) M( F* ?( ?, u6 |7 o5 f
> > Holiday Days+ z0 c# d- [* t% O' `
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# K" T! N. `. l1 s5 _3 B1 W> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( v# `3 `* p; y" r2 h# H* H> >
( ?& ]* Q" O# [4 r> > Compassionate Leave
* a, P( e) j, R0 g3 w& w8 D/ }- w0 u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 X! T! J/ r& T" _: g6 w! N> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% L3 f) w# q6 B) y8 U8 F1 B, n> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 Z: H5 z0 i. z9 N& c> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 D" m5 k6 S7 B! o6 L; T& S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" I" Q1 f' Z2 Z( j1 |; [
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the4 h- E8 i) V4 z, M* @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 V0 C0 E4 ?7 A> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
" J! z3 Z* g; [* |# x# c" o2 R> > hour early.* Y; {* P" \' |3 X3 ^5 M' s: C
> >
- I4 d+ `/ Y! y* e) o/ {" f> > Toilet Use
- C1 t5 E9 r! J. |* X> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 s2 O7 E" O- s1 ^$ A
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
4 W0 Q$ O( }5 X. {> > in the cubicles.
1 K" e2 e; }- E> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 R/ ~7 ]$ Y8 u6 Q3 j( h$ T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 A( F+ |# q9 T+ l/ u/ s
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ f5 E0 M2 V* D
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( E9 \4 [  I: b4 `: m
> > posted on the company notice board under the- j9 n' x& u4 A7 Z. S
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
/ a- ]" W: E" }/ o( ]& ?> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be& N& _, u2 O( V# p! E" ]
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' \. R8 [8 K9 l  g% i. P* R* V) ]3 t> > policy.) p. D% m! Z6 a& h2 ^
> >
, e3 s: |8 n  V, K; c> > Lunch Break
( `# f) |  ^/ Z+ s8 {7 w: I5 \> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 f1 ~; b) x0 T7 ?/ ~; W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 W" M) P* U3 j0 K
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* E- J7 r" ~3 N- m> > maintain their average figure.4 J* Z8 J7 X/ W, K  e" i
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' z; e3 I/ i2 y7 x/ Q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% O. k; ?5 a* _! _> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* p" p$ [' y+ ]7 b' b9 Z6 `! s
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 N* I) q2 a: @9 k> > employment experience." v3 i+ l8 @6 L) b4 z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& E$ e( E* H. ]* G9 T> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. l% S. M0 o% g% w5 g> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# w" Z0 R* }8 b$ o> > directed elsewhere.