HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:' z2 S1 w% n' h* S
> >                     Effective January 2007% f1 W) X) F1 n6 D. s; W
> >
; j' T2 \) B9 W! R" h> > Dress Code
' n: @- ~" i9 J" i. t& v) F! ]> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: P/ a0 |- l8 R> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 p1 E/ @  z/ v+ V9 `6 n
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* ~3 r0 F/ q& E  M" {> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) ^8 P; f: w$ @% M( z  ]& D> > need a pay raise./ v* }- P4 v/ Y* V
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 c2 x0 F) z: c2 m0 T: M6 t> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ J  H- I( r, r8 M& Q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" a5 R: `3 `9 A> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" E: c+ I6 V/ e3 Z> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# S# o3 ~" K4 V2 i5 h5 v3 C
> > raise.1 ?: }; z5 v3 J; o
> >
9 c' ^7 Q, z4 w% X$ ^> > Sick Days
; S& h( E" `3 t9 @. ?" F> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: G5 S& O9 u% ^# T2 x6 i> > proof of sickness.
5 y+ t6 e; u; P+ T: p# Y, h> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, U% D( K" V( g# g$ x) f
> > to come to work.2 n. r3 i" z& S0 m; D& W, D& K
> >
  _4 n! t/ {4 t# s6 c& P/ T- N6 `> > Holiday Days" J# F6 W& H2 O3 t8 n$ S
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 I, q9 a" j2 ?# d) P' w
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; B* k, m: X" `* k2 v( {' W  c> >
2 I2 j/ G* i8 c4 r, c  A> > Compassionate Leave
7 J9 |8 i+ E3 c8 N> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 c$ Y7 F8 T0 m6 N$ r& {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
# }5 I0 ]" i3 c3 C* E> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* W) d4 r" e, L- ^> > employees attend to the arrangements.- ~/ w' I7 D1 ?7 E
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 |1 _0 ]& f7 g. C+ j* k
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  ^# P% Q6 R. U$ v' m) Z/ r
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" R" s: j/ p8 p7 J1 r+ x6 G( b
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: h  _. m! d% ^" U0 u/ z2 b> > hour early.6 G7 n' b5 J+ l6 d6 t
> >5 {! c* u* H6 f: v, S1 e5 j4 w4 t5 x
> > Toilet Use5 W$ l1 N- \1 S$ n' Y8 E% Q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 ?8 f+ I2 `0 L# p> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! B! ~5 L2 I2 d2 ?4 ~$ C; J
> > in the cubicles.
$ y6 I1 ?1 U& D) P9 t/ P1 c> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ I3 l5 ?, m2 s> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( d" F0 {, v, n) I6 [> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ A6 @: }, K$ S5 z+ W
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 A5 C! Q3 f: ^0 s2 `0 `  Z> > posted on the company notice board under the. Z2 Y; q: E" m" g/ ]! U
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' a- ~9 K& L" L$ W8 |+ e
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
! U7 ]$ o, d) T> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
  i9 e( O0 m, d3 d; m3 }> > policy.7 n+ V4 J: n. H1 R" C
> >$ B; u5 F3 D/ \8 N* T" H
> > Lunch Break" d0 I( Y0 M, O& ^
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
% }5 k/ }0 h( S" }8 A> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
# m  I1 E* V6 i* V  Q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 I7 O- L4 y% _! C7 ^* m' U6 _
> > maintain their average figure.
. k$ q6 g; `0 a  G, A8 }  {- W> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time8 q+ @4 }/ `3 ]0 [. |% U
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
% y3 B' B( {) c2 X+ w$ W: ~> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# ]( L" w, j! e' Z5 C  d9 f3 V
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& i: B7 q- n# E> > employment experience.  x& e7 e/ I& t0 S" S* g& L& n
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,. `6 t# ~0 j) f# o
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& d8 z. I, j4 t5 _! `8 E% E1 Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( j- z& L  q, Z4 r% o
> > directed elsewhere.