HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* X) G% F$ l1 B" J# }  }+ J! j+ F& m
> >                     Effective January 20073 ]1 M$ R% ^; M( p- }5 g( g! ]
> >
1 u6 g1 m' a) {9 F$ P. {' X, y> > Dress Code
5 B  h, I( N# g" b# {> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* @+ t6 W! W9 j1 E# Z5 W
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 t9 R+ z$ Z3 \/ r6 q0 B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. Y6 ?- ~! [9 h" E& [9 l8 w> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" i* V0 M8 ?& s' q3 |8 c" f, {
> > need a pay raise.' `0 f5 o4 ^/ h8 W) J
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, S' [0 {# a2 m& K& U" c
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 a- {  v: S9 B) K! G/ d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ }0 C8 S  n5 `( t, a9 [4 }
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 @. U" B# @, z# [7 E8 L1 k: q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay, ^1 |+ Z, k: h' W( Q/ ?
> > raise., Q2 ~6 y4 l3 U6 O4 P0 K( v. b
> ># ^: m& P% |3 ~8 a
> > Sick Days& f! O' W7 o% c) _0 {
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# L( L; S# n$ C6 t; A: k! M, M: E& Y
> > proof of sickness.
/ N' j, B, G" e. Z7 u> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! k5 U) c9 _- a
> > to come to work.
' ^6 w6 p) U; M> >- {9 [5 b* ~9 Q' \
> > Holiday Days
/ ~9 V+ R! J$ i) J; X' k> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 k# Y% F/ s/ E! Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' }/ O# y7 L  x# u6 W. s
> >
  e7 Y$ a! }! q7 c9 P, y7 B3 Y( X> > Compassionate Leave
* w: s) Y& |5 X> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  w2 c3 }; {) r, S* f* {* r> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) U& m2 W5 @  r% L6 y. U+ K  u
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-  s7 u% s- `' L" _/ `
> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 v+ \/ i& Z  r
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
6 u5 t+ e6 i+ w+ J% L' |! U> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* h' U) r1 ^" x7 V% G4 o> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) {9 t, ?; q7 }! w2 j8 t> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ b6 D- Y4 N! X. {# ]& @> > hour early.
# `1 J6 ]% Q9 D( r$ y4 ]6 F4 X> >" d3 r; K! _8 P8 F! v
> > Toilet Use4 m  d/ N3 E1 D8 c& `( q$ k% }
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ ~; D! H! v0 \+ v2 S> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ K6 o8 o0 }0 g% ?> > in the cubicles.
, @- {6 S, w; |6 i9 q2 `> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will6 |, T8 ~$ i: B( h% n& _+ u5 Y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( q) M/ ^. }/ Z2 i) [3 V1 o3 y/ i/ Y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# ^' e  c$ I& j0 u0 Z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
" D/ B- B6 Z2 E0 r2 f! V0 G" E+ @> > posted on the company notice board under the
  T' z. e2 B, v  y7 v> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# r1 V+ m, e& u. v4 L> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  `1 L5 Z: C/ M: F0 V9 C* [' C9 O
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; G, n2 Z$ J" e" V" e+ l> > policy.) z7 z5 o) c$ o6 h3 u
> >
1 N: s$ j0 P( ^/ C> > Lunch Break) b/ F/ P0 a9 \
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 ?6 o  [: b" |: X% X> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 a1 W. O5 S& w0 P! w> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
: Q  f, _/ d: L* Q0 _& F) O> > maintain their average figure.& u  s8 J. r" t& H5 G
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* B) l5 D0 t3 S/ |0 f> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
2 C8 X- a* r2 K( v7 ?! o2 M+ W  z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 |; P# t. r3 g. ^; v8 G> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% o- ?- r1 a6 z6 m6 _> > employment experience.) \4 B: K, w0 ^* k; x( {$ ^* J
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," M/ }. ~9 T0 E. O% ?$ M, }$ l
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 M- L1 `  U0 s! H9 }) T& ]' b7 q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
, M' o( n  Z. s! G' i> > directed elsewhere.