HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
  }8 W& z+ c. m2 N9 O  U> >                     Effective January 2007
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3 W& T* Y  z4 ]/ w& O$ |- c> > Dress Code
% X( `5 u5 P: ?" s) [7 l5 t/ o> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
! ^; t( F, |9 I> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( u! u* _: U; `& w& i> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
& B3 y8 P8 N9 ^: a8 P8 c/ t> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
  ~, R% X1 ?3 R; z" k7 ^' B0 I+ \> > need a pay raise.' [/ ]1 s* P% h2 d
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* W$ f% U  W4 f) x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 Q: J( ~- u4 f6 Z" U> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- B% b( V8 w( F5 w# a
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% F6 R. ]9 ]! U+ @& \) }
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" X) L" p; Y; V8 Y> > raise.
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> > Sick Days: s& ?2 ~2 G7 u: |# M
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" f% f6 A* f8 l& F9 _2 W& v0 J
> > proof of sickness.; F3 ~# Z$ q( s6 z- q
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) r( J, w; X% l  D% T
> > to come to work.+ T- Z# Z0 m: }+ ?
> >
8 Q3 I% P! `6 y& E( r> > Holiday Days
. I/ r5 x- `: _5 z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 ]% _% |9 W" w8 |# q7 ~; S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
' b2 Z4 M/ g: X% z7 I5 k> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
! s# J' H4 r9 V0 k> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
+ h& Q3 i* D7 K% |> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& ?! j0 X' X7 O% s  ^0 K
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' v: V" y' n" i  z2 M> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" f" O3 S- z6 k6 j- e. x' G2 u
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the4 _& D- w4 A- @8 B  V3 p
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 y0 U- X0 R, o" k
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! I2 s& f( w  \- s> > hour early.1 P. @! q6 E( V3 H6 s
> >
. R( @. e! o* i0 U> > Toilet Use9 `, X  o8 o- L7 O) U) k" t& @
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 p" `" G- Y% Y2 e- o% e7 X  Q( r. \
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 t" E, w5 u( ^, f; H
> > in the cubicles.
, {' j5 U8 F4 s# |( N> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 X/ H7 U4 c) s4 l
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 |- H( Z# g# j> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 b/ l) {: ~3 B& ?+ V  [; k
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; \) n8 `  S4 u+ v: J8 z- g
> > posted on the company notice board under the* z* a) M4 a* X8 n+ ^
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
8 f/ y. u% m% }# J> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ p4 t, `% k+ H$ s; y; G* s" p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 x+ D3 E+ x2 {* j
> > policy.+ x1 t$ G8 b9 V: c5 }# o
> >) _+ ~( T0 `$ o) c# u/ v
> > Lunch Break2 A% B4 u3 r5 ]; \! W' X+ W
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they; I1 q- U* X/ q; n" s
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
  z7 g8 I) g3 q) z& o" m7 m) q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 j& f# `4 r' y4 R; ]+ J> > maintain their average figure.
& I6 i- ?" ^/ B5 e> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 ?( |) A- I* G+ ^& W- X' l> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; H; W$ e" `' _) c: X6 t% i> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 w8 ?. z! m1 a0 L# j1 t3 ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) c4 S  w7 ]6 Y+ S8 [+ U
> > employment experience.
* Y. V/ s6 }; h  l> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% `3 s8 m; q: E( q" I: p) p0 x
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* T% z4 {" g& a8 s4 H
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 L7 R% l, }2 t0 G> > directed elsewhere.