HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  q4 g, W) F! L, ]! d" ~, ~
> >                     Effective January 2007# H. Y* |( a! Q" \3 b+ `
> >
; `& z' r# I- E9 H> > Dress Code, g, b0 i6 `" \4 e% e* t0 b2 y: p3 l
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- O- b. C# ~$ ~2 C+ H  t
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ [4 x8 f& z& W7 ~7 u( k
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' }+ |; x8 c1 `2 ?> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 y$ @  J" c8 {% B2 R! X> > need a pay raise.
. I  R" a" b2 x$ `  x# Y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ y2 S5 B. G& v; y* S
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, Q5 m& z/ z$ {9 I, \# a* w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% _8 v# I. D1 n  t- r2 u7 R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- x* n' g: f8 ^
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 G- ?" ?4 c5 w; q% {+ w> > raise.
. _* P- f! f  z> >
) b" g- c, B: _" i( s> > Sick Days
# g: D. J$ A% E) U/ ]/ B0 f% n> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% V& ^# J' d1 J5 o/ @4 E" Z4 q! i> > proof of sickness.
' |2 N" h. j+ ?5 a> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 [0 h1 D8 ], T/ }' Y5 v> > to come to work.- ?5 \- [6 |) ]+ k1 H" j
> >( X7 n, n% P. C  j3 k- n
> > Holiday Days: H; v& C" G; f' x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ r" l. \2 M" I& x6 K' |8 L1 ?- f> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& q# X+ ]7 g" b- s1 c; {+ ~
> ># G- G& g# |+ c! ]* s7 q: N4 o
> > Compassionate Leave& T; X( w% K4 J# K2 C: m
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" p! q% d! R: C( C* y; L& K+ f> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 |% _% N8 i( @0 L9 z7 r9 Y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# G$ B1 w4 {* I6 X+ k- e' _
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 p1 N4 S& S4 ]$ _5 \7 }> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 D4 C5 O# B- r9 W- N  S> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
8 U! w2 z5 X2 m( d  C6 f" x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, {3 B2 D- Q% ?0 A
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ i) ^7 F# r7 ]. t9 [- z# h- P
> > hour early.
! A5 U& ~, {! J1 O1 ^> >
5 s* m" B) n% b* O$ x> > Toilet Use8 ~& h( b' u0 y. D9 H
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ K/ n- D; j3 K' F- S: p9 a: ?: L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 r" C; _6 S! P
> > in the cubicles.
$ f5 o- i  X& X; v6 w/ A' p  I# `+ q9 _> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% \7 o3 i% C$ o, I# m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
. Q; O4 K- O  S8 T( L3 A; q" B> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* f( R# h0 c! y7 a4 d9 A
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) X, ?$ _$ p  j( q> > posted on the company notice board under the) e2 b# b9 t, d- h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 R2 B6 i4 q4 Y8 m& X  N
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! w1 w+ _* d8 K8 ?
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% K$ E; j5 P# A: x1 g
> > policy.
+ j  i, m! w6 O  y> >1 {4 Q' r- k5 `8 a
> > Lunch Break; b8 N2 X  t/ I5 K0 T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 L( O0 f$ Y! X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* z3 M! r# d. v  ]* u* B
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ j& ^4 i. F! \- E> > maintain their average figure.) J5 `: t# N1 @  B4 g: }
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 i" J2 s" b! `# ]/ Q' Z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
/ {+ {9 O: N: Y. {; a> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! n6 f& t6 Y- k7 Q2 l: K/ S> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" y6 r+ j& _  ?. ]& s5 d
> > employment experience.
$ r7 x( b/ }8 F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& Y  m* g# Z) D6 r$ M# j1 [6 w1 A> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, S) o1 M3 o' T! t
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: J$ a) G; a" v$ o% s- X, A
> > directed elsewhere.