HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 u2 }' M2 ^7 O3 k0 u/ B+ j> >                     Effective January 2007
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# n: V3 A' s* O2 j> > Dress Code* M; ?/ _! N* e9 u- p% [9 A
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
9 X, y6 x+ Y$ B/ O7 r> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing* Y+ e% V! |$ F/ _5 ?9 K
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: H6 n' M4 n' Z# j( Z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* {6 S+ v/ r0 m( Z% k> > need a pay raise.
$ u9 [: Q% y6 n+ h5 Q' N8 V> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: B0 A# i! g# U' w0 D- k0 n" b- ~& Y1 [> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 r' h* ?8 c) c9 c, z, `, y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 x' a, k- H8 V" o! Z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 W7 |$ `$ w' {& ?' s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 w$ U3 K  z" T# P" c" x0 r
> > raise.& r8 H6 `5 f! H! U3 J
> >
8 ?3 O( ^- s) C  `$ ?> > Sick Days$ Z' v2 U3 N& v/ Y- p6 U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
  M  B* h& S5 C> > proof of sickness.4 n0 R% o3 ~7 M! B  D" m
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able1 ]( Z% r6 q  r. d
> > to come to work.
0 g  f# l' A" o+ u> >
1 Q3 l8 l8 _. H/ U3 J# N> > Holiday Days3 t9 H# c, g  P* @8 _/ H; p
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) `( |' _+ G3 ]$ p0 d
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 A' y+ C; D# W" C+ Z
> >
5 G7 Q1 l' @% }# d9 n/ q> > Compassionate Leave
0 i! Y. r1 @( w> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing1 V( I' d- S: H& Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 [& p4 f$ {' Z2 o" ^  n7 u* ], d/ l
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' q8 p0 A0 i8 l9 Q8 ]
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# m% ~! a- C4 _  @/ B* l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 G3 o+ h2 ~! _0 U4 f. L) H4 k> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) I0 q7 Q. O0 e' i> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 I, n2 |  N6 Q; @  H8 {' S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one. A5 ]. n! E1 X2 {
> > hour early.
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* z3 \; {; @. x/ y( \1 Z> > Toilet Use
9 n1 h( X+ q# U1 x4 p3 Y) h; w> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: D3 ^# x+ p1 X0 G1 A/ q
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, ?; D% n9 |9 R4 m. L/ z> > in the cubicles.6 X3 H% \3 g! ^, P' I0 x# i) p' |
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! l% e  W& B6 |4 n> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; P1 z# M4 s2 k( s) ~' n. U> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) x5 v$ {! ~! D  f; O
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 {2 j! A# |' `* u9 w> > posted on the company notice board under the% {8 Q/ a$ j4 R9 p" E1 D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 b" d6 l2 S$ J6 t1 s2 y: E> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
* G9 m, ~& K2 F: [> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ S( b6 f) x7 |( {! }; g' x> > policy.
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) Q4 }4 D; d0 S' v2 C0 d/ L. q  @> > Lunch Break. l! u, M. W" u+ L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* ?6 w# a* E3 ?5 N+ K9 U( \) j; Y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! o, O' C7 A/ y" [* d8 I6 a
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 ~0 A3 ^4 {( M6 h
> > maintain their average figure.; `% a& [% Y9 F7 f) E9 M6 K# ?& _
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* R0 q/ n0 `" p" O9 A2 @- M" q& m
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 Q, d8 S* c$ F) X/ P& ?9 i7 o> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- z  V) q! C, N2 I- `4 L% {> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 r/ e, r" \2 J: b> > employment experience.
1 g' \2 h& @4 G# I) ?: `; _% @( O6 b> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- x# P3 s" r3 S
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 N- t* N5 V8 ^7 j* H9 |
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: j4 z4 E* [) O1 P3 \1 @: B> > directed elsewhere.