HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
7 @( N9 q/ s; e% E4 h> >                     Effective January 20076 `$ X/ |, W2 k. {2 s
> >
9 p/ f7 B  b3 T9 D, O7 j* ?% n> > Dress Code) p+ M) b& g) X
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed$ l9 w5 M) D- n9 j' V0 h) q0 [9 p2 Z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
! o! I* C( {/ K1 [, z" \3 e9 a( ?> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 \" i% o" ~) r$ ], n
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, [) `/ M, ]" v: Z9 P  b
> > need a pay raise.4 W- F7 y6 v* }9 m$ k4 V% H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 }  m# [, {# i9 G. ]> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 r1 v8 D3 F* i1 ]2 W: N# g$ D  F
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* R  \7 H3 e+ L1 {, a> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 P7 @$ ?  M7 I
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! ?+ a8 p5 M8 J2 n
> > raise.4 g& U& f# }+ e) [# g+ {. p- p
> >) g( j! M  Z- y" }1 {8 C# z: H
> > Sick Days( Q6 t% f1 ~3 P% r9 e6 C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ g- A: n- n( w. [
> > proof of sickness.
5 P- T, V8 L% S+ R, `> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 M! s: K! R' `2 Q4 t) S  }" s> > to come to work.
4 |& y# H2 q% J4 x9 C+ B  h( y> >
0 A+ `8 `/ U- s> > Holiday Days
/ g( T4 W, S9 {; t  t; o> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 l& c! p2 J1 ], z- x: U! R- ?> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ @1 Q+ d$ }$ S# D$ [0 d; Q5 M> >% g) \' G. {* J* T2 j* }  m; |  |
> > Compassionate Leave
% Z8 b( \7 \3 V/ O9 e5 H% r/ _> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ p) G. o  P. Z& @" V3 w; s* n8 ?> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 ~" z8 d8 u, \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
- V+ j2 \- M" w' O+ g0 C/ Y5 h' f> > employees attend to the arrangements.) h8 Q# ]1 z  J; D1 `
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 c' u4 f" T; O& Q* M/ F
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 W: p$ i% B+ k$ P! p9 X> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) u( s4 ~/ G, m$ t% |7 V+ k1 L> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 A3 |' k6 m$ [; ?! c  w. H
> > hour early./ e( M' f* p8 y
> >, ]& M' y, P3 ~3 W8 P
> > Toilet Use
( ^8 f6 @9 j( T0 o' R8 W' u> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
$ v# d1 J1 h: S" f> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
" |% x) q" ~8 }  v; \' b> > in the cubicles.
5 j$ l6 y2 E# p/ N* S! D$ D$ U) p> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# v0 C+ c% j" g& c; X1 [7 J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- z- c. d" S9 e# j> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
0 ^( L, k& D. h7 C> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, U; }  b1 y9 N> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 c9 d  w/ M; m> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; \' Y8 m+ u0 h+ Y) t! B
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 F, X0 ~/ ^" B. o' K& A
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health  Y1 S# U& s4 q! [+ @6 z& F
> > policy.
: M6 _, r0 g! i4 i: i" h+ L> >. O. O3 X6 D( j0 {# b$ t
> > Lunch Break
. h; @- a6 |- H6 J% ~% L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 c" F* c6 l4 t6 k: ~' I5 Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 n8 W) {+ F2 y6 M8 |6 A> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; T: b  w9 w& G' j
> > maintain their average figure.2 ~7 R3 S1 C- }# D% G% m
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 o- N- _9 ^2 F( i( W5 s  L0 n8 B! _> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; r4 m( b+ X2 e> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ q" y  k+ Z" @$ S: d> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ y( `! d% K& X: y" @> > employment experience., k+ Y  L/ E, {" B- W5 D8 R
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, q% B6 x  I* ^* s  g> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% {( R$ F2 S, N
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# \! ^" i" K( v# c& M, b7 l2 k7 ?% B> > directed elsewhere.