HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  L8 ^$ P6 n! f3 D/ G
> >                     Effective January 2007
7 _; i! a1 Q) D  i  g> >
6 y( V7 Z# H9 K9 _1 I8 G> > Dress Code
2 k& y3 i; E/ R; d2 f7 M& Y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 m+ p! D: ?4 Z) H
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 [3 @6 y1 b/ V, R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# C4 u1 i' V! p4 x6 D; ^# e% U
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 B9 ^- e8 p! I! \+ Q  g
> > need a pay raise.0 x! t" e" m2 O7 t3 w) Y, L% N
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" L* p1 X7 E1 \
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 c' v7 ?& J' e  W/ s" j& g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 {/ k+ ^5 y. k: r. \' P; h$ L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you9 i, K- |1 W- A4 \4 r: i
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
1 E# D' R0 F% {2 K) K> > raise.
& `( W' R; T! @> >
* Q1 r' g* c7 a5 A8 p2 ?* I> > Sick Days% |2 P6 k  f/ e, H
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ ?* t, A5 q8 l7 ^4 s* v; F$ q> > proof of sickness.
1 R' x8 P) e: q8 k* E( @' r) d> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- q! d2 e' O7 l2 }
> > to come to work.0 ~$ f3 H, a5 M$ c% D
> >/ w) u+ j9 A2 N/ O
> > Holiday Days
# T# `2 {2 _$ q: x3 [8 ?> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 K% j+ b; u% H9 _4 o5 e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
9 z* b, f& ]: @8 L9 T% ~8 W2 P' e+ m> >
; G6 D1 X  f  T% u> > Compassionate Leave
7 [, {6 ?7 N; X& w> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- o" ?0 {- o6 F  L
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 E1 P; ?- `7 m0 V; v- P6 }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ L6 b, ~4 H7 Q* }3 a> > employees attend to the arrangements.* t% i8 f" `" Y5 }7 T) _! Z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 A0 i. ~/ w0 ]$ L, f
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! O* l2 q( P; s5 q, r9 O  v> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
6 d& E) X0 v. |! E& }4 d% }% H1 v> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
" T, N) `3 k/ ^. Q( Q- G- N5 L> > hour early.. O8 y7 r  @$ V$ ~6 C
> >
9 t1 I) h$ u8 V. t3 \! K> > Toilet Use$ N; ^; O3 ^/ D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* j6 j6 P) ]& a
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 C! j, v/ n, j> > in the cubicles.& s$ B5 l+ o: h
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. h7 P5 }( h0 S5 S- X" N3 R> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: ^0 w+ h8 j8 E$ O9 N7 k2 F) w> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  A+ ~& G# j) y/ W$ M> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ h7 m. {7 s2 \> > posted on the company notice board under the% q. F0 T# R5 Z2 f8 U& Q# V( Y
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.2 n6 k8 S$ z' d
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: ?& A# N* a, w# I
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" d, v! ^" x# R1 o& N7 |> > policy.% i4 y. [& M2 w3 I5 W3 w6 \
> >
* o- A2 X( P* P6 d* D> > Lunch Break! E/ g1 j; M$ ~+ k9 B$ x1 w8 Z9 }
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 W' A4 U: d6 S8 c9 J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ R4 \& G2 o5 N) q; s9 U2 a> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 q$ I8 v: a# J% W4 u; p
> > maintain their average figure.
  ^; L( n  _& Z, I' e  v3 ]" C> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
# K( Q* w% R( i* U2 J# S- a  P+ [> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; J5 Z# P2 ]+ ^> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 X; Z2 @, \2 @$ R$ C+ b
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive3 c! P  p4 k, [2 f3 v5 M4 p
> > employment experience.
' Y  v$ O/ {3 M7 ]> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,6 _+ z7 Y, A  A9 @2 M
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. E9 R+ ~; v. ~% L5 k( ]0 U
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 [) O! j: p5 K) r
> > directed elsewhere.