HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 P8 _& j: O" D6 \. z: t> >                     Effective January 2007
5 [9 X7 }) E; K> >
9 o/ h3 Z. d* q- [* [4 @# v3 c> > Dress Code& }8 a& F$ Q% @( O# k( m
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* O) \7 y8 _8 ]# x4 G, W+ @> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing* f; e, B( ]! X$ |
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 B$ |- y& n$ j5 z) I) G! A) X
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! m0 u; R# k% s; P3 [& }
> > need a pay raise.
2 u; A. E# {# x  H% ?> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( n3 e! l% H/ M' T9 e. c( U> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! I, }' o9 h1 y! F
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* E; C5 _6 h& G
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
9 L8 B& I' ~. C  F( x$ o" W7 o> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: Z9 R  [. a/ F0 V# t( a
> > raise.
7 H; U! L) a+ h4 D7 v: r& p/ K> >
! T/ i% f& x) R$ s5 x, D> > Sick Days
/ c% e0 B+ u( \; M+ F$ [( a( _- Y/ k> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 _7 v' I; \; e& c
> > proof of sickness.
" g- o: A' y) ^- w5 B5 X, w- d> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- y0 W; H9 J8 y/ z> > to come to work.
& z  w! g, y: p- j* u> >- `( _5 Z" U* U+ q" K7 S
> > Holiday Days5 S* f9 M8 U9 w: h0 g) b- ?
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 U7 t* a8 r2 Y6 q. S, ^9 U> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 v4 G1 g# o! q( t( d# Z' S
> >$ k7 b9 A& e+ k9 u+ X7 a5 m
> > Compassionate Leave
. f7 E2 q$ f4 }+ f* y! T> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, D3 d3 s) {7 M9 e
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 ^" U) q* H& x8 F7 B5 J> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 ]1 ~$ u- r7 ~2 \' [' V; M> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 ]& N( E" s% D. z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 }. Z# l7 f  c. e> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" G3 a$ a# c" t8 Z/ U+ b
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" v, ^  z9 W) v! n$ I& I
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
4 [* U% s/ b, b# C> > hour early.
$ l1 I0 b8 ~7 C1 U. {> >% V9 D, P" R# _
> > Toilet Use
/ V  F' v5 D0 N) \2 G+ m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
( b/ N- f5 ?% i" U> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
% _( h# f' z- g: o7 o$ `: Z4 }> > in the cubicles.( q4 L% N' ?$ e, \1 p
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
4 F" o3 `2 V4 S9 r' k5 P6 s3 b> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 j2 L. I" K2 y6 X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., g$ b; G9 b8 a  a# v
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ J2 U$ x& `5 p; o3 m> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 f3 J. c" X/ C6 o4 c1 j- a; k> > "Chronic Offenders" category., A: t$ z7 `9 C  b# d, d. Q+ ~
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: t6 p4 M. `6 C  z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& Z! s/ I1 Z/ E4 E# n; D2 ~
> > policy.
2 ?: ?4 h( H; M  c2 y> >
1 c- L- D" J7 Q# T+ I> > Lunch Break
8 Y, R8 U0 J7 g$ v> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ }3 L- |- D! d2 b& d, I' a
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
' h; t! U. h8 P1 y) A> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 k; }4 K2 t8 Q( e
> > maintain their average figure.
3 _, o6 U3 }: W" d> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ ^" u$ H' f( N. d& `- c  E> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ N7 Y0 _) W5 R1 R2 J% ?
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' D! h; B" @6 A/ U0 w
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, N6 l8 f2 i) F) S
> > employment experience.
; L3 O5 |5 U/ [+ g& n> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: [; {* c. j% k7 c> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( L7 C0 E; y( H: A5 a) s
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' @+ S5 r: v1 k7 T6 d6 A> > directed elsewhere.