HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 w/ |$ @/ \5 W, u( U& H
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code& d) k% h, l0 z" e- j4 Z. M- Z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ [% b5 ?6 X: E) I2 Q' L* h) `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ l" S: V  J/ u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ x4 k& T! u: @7 B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
5 _; [# q4 W  Q9 v' C> > need a pay raise.
9 L  [# a2 \6 p) g% c> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage! e; X: p0 I6 e# h  m3 o  w
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! q6 S) u; {) e; Q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 D5 ?$ k" I( F" T" v& l  t
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 t  {4 t" d1 u# u7 L" V0 O
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% s+ ~" p( M& S  U" Z9 J
> > raise.4 r9 R' e' M/ U' \2 S# s: H
> >+ N4 n2 F7 T- I; Z
> > Sick Days; a" `! l. ]6 h# O' _: U* O
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as7 ]. D) z3 R: k0 o- s+ ^5 k
> > proof of sickness.9 t' G+ l$ I, a' N* F
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* n- d3 K! u. v$ a- q0 e, o
> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days
5 i" C' i- M2 R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, n% ^' Z! T3 h7 ]8 R) e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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; r2 Y. Y/ l- E# o( o; Y7 [$ q> > Compassionate Leave
7 M! T* H8 {8 f; i2 r% e> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ k% y8 Z, j1 w
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 f) X! k' Y" A7 w0 O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" }: ?% H- n# C2 p, t> > employees attend to the arrangements.) J* l, l6 N) u  w: k) {
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
* o/ J7 f! i( Z/ Y. X> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 h) w. r% W# ~2 G9 a7 G
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* Z0 Q; P* d# S4 T6 F2 A8 J8 r9 K; D
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: T8 v" {; L" ^5 O$ `4 g> > hour early.
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9 |: \, ~6 |# L2 e. j% D6 ?> > Toilet Use
/ M, H: _* s5 O9 G: b( d, D2 y# ]> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( M$ s8 M/ k/ L$ p9 j, S+ x
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 M/ z/ [9 U1 Y; M$ k" A
> > in the cubicles.
3 @2 _2 e0 t' u" A& u" r> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 K* O$ u1 \) b, i1 A& V( V& ^> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 J; J0 ~$ O1 Y. s! O, F; H  D" f! K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. H2 m* f: B' R2 n$ z9 ?# r( |> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 P8 K( F# w$ d  x4 E7 S$ ~' S> > posted on the company notice board under the  j$ M# c7 q/ R
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- y# L9 Q! z$ b) L) p9 A' `> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
/ u/ d$ }8 ]' T# @& O) R. g: M> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, b9 j$ u8 O, A7 ^- v
> > policy.; T5 }* @4 O/ Y* f4 A/ X
> >
: {3 Z* O' d+ x; I> > Lunch Break9 ]3 X) S2 d- w! I) \
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 x+ D8 {( z* d% e
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 Z" X. H8 Y" Z! P: ^5 b> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to2 H6 n7 ]1 K4 q
> > maintain their average figure.
& L& }+ [* b0 f4 @> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* n7 K" z3 Z8 i* c( [" v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 w0 T: k( }5 ?1 b> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are  o4 [6 o3 Q2 p( }  K) n! E! S
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& T2 H6 K! e' U> > employment experience.5 o( W- A* c  D4 ^
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  P& x% b) k- R! S+ {> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8 O3 D8 j1 _$ @' O$ V0 x& y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, @6 r( u9 A% w8 t) [* k4 u
> > directed elsewhere.