HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ @/ r- @- d  c0 W> >                     Effective January 2007
7 U* M+ T0 M8 u3 C> >
6 b+ z) T4 ~- t4 d& a8 K. i> > Dress Code' V- l) l7 l  O
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ I" Z% E1 V8 v> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
; g$ F4 i" v  U! [! {3 H> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
; C5 J" {2 e% [0 B4 a! g* w> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* ?& v4 M* T! F, I> > need a pay raise.
2 H: U% g) f4 o0 \0 o* n! d  g+ }6 _4 |> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. h: `* E8 R8 L7 C/ B> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 y/ g- G7 ~+ S" B8 L> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 n* }5 D8 c/ y# ^3 k6 w) G> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: n. R2 {# q' X> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 X6 {- e& u9 b' f) x
> > raise.. ]8 s$ x$ Z/ x- Z
> >* ?0 C: c+ x% Z3 u+ _* j% s, c: M# A% p
> > Sick Days2 y. [3 w" \5 v' Z
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
, @4 i; a( c4 m7 i. d& x1 p> > proof of sickness.
5 {1 H) s( L2 v7 \, T: ^+ H6 O> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ x2 L, u5 }8 C' _
> > to come to work.9 y/ }. Q4 F3 M8 t
> >
* c" ^* z- Q9 Y/ F> > Holiday Days6 T/ D7 P5 j+ H( ^, [4 d5 l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 x$ p& \0 L0 P5 k0 b2 O> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 Z. j0 q" \9 \6 C: v
> >' G* \4 T; [% \" |# w
> > Compassionate Leave
8 \/ R  j# I, u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# q4 S; p% K( }+ f5 N$ R
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* `" n' L3 T( o+ u5 Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! i  D/ I5 `6 f" u- l) s
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ U7 A, c+ f$ g* Z& `4 o6 G; z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" M% j* C) G9 M5 R4 s> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the* s# Y1 O5 s  L8 N7 X! X
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 V% J8 G3 ]2 a0 _! ?
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 j- p5 D5 `% m& o> > hour early.7 ^) ?7 w( J! U, R! Y2 R+ X# K
> >
  p  b2 E- L! N* U9 [4 p% T> > Toilet Use! ~8 p5 D0 ?+ H& T
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 E" f, b9 X  a' W> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 h4 I9 j  n3 i  }> > in the cubicles.$ G+ F( p( \5 K$ n/ ~
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 j& x6 c, N" z; G- c
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 H' ~" t9 R, F; w> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 T7 _, z7 }$ e7 D  g$ ]$ e> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 F% X4 [* v4 O( B) m& v> > posted on the company notice board under the+ c- v/ L9 J3 l( H6 |1 a  A
> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ F1 g1 l( [; r! A. W( q8 ?7 F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) y5 I# X: r7 g7 m9 V
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- x: K  e$ |, K; f3 c9 H
> > policy.
8 E6 [, U# q' v% q* S9 _> >7 G- [2 ~( v/ W" g5 y, o
> > Lunch Break
5 d# M, P% W7 G7 e; E> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; T; `* ?; F1 [7 z, t0 Q+ V) W> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 [: s8 g+ J- {/ y& H0 M> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
  j6 R! B3 ^) b9 {- P* C* ^% X> > maintain their average figure., N2 A- {* {% J7 P! u
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 Y1 F4 t2 R2 m4 z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 {, {0 w8 e: T- r1 d% M7 y
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ D1 V- Z* L3 Q4 e/ \7 z8 r
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
! j, M+ Z% X8 l3 X  _6 L( ^# d5 v) V> > employment experience.8 t! }; A, U7 ^% ^/ H+ m, e
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' d4 R6 b4 }) `0 n- h  ]% Z* _6 I$ y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ H+ O+ n% r3 t0 [5 w5 ?# H$ N> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- |! g+ L7 U3 c3 Y" N> > directed elsewhere.