HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:8 ]; n. C) ^: j7 f* c  y# O
> >                     Effective January 2007% S, k7 h; n/ h2 ~; k  ^
> >( v/ H# D+ j: t* H* ~0 X# ~5 O1 ~- z
> > Dress Code
2 B7 }, I: s7 X> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
! t6 ^/ T9 t& z( n6 I- N' e: X> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& ^( X8 b% u3 Y# M> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ p7 ~- f" N# Q1 N( |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ Y; Y; V/ c5 Z: g0 M1 ^
> > need a pay raise.
/ x) t+ J$ A1 Y8 d0 }( k9 R. X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& ~( f* G5 B# L* {
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
# y% e1 |- o0 j2 Y/ K9 g! A3 ~, J> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., B0 Q) D+ m. X' i# M# r, k0 T
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
7 i+ p/ F5 E  I: Q; _2 @* d; t> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: l' ^2 y/ X: P; a5 A: o/ S
> > raise.
7 s( x" g9 r# c' n0 {& J> >
$ a; i1 M! {- M4 Y0 _> > Sick Days
% m4 s5 ~8 z0 u- B8 V> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ o8 H4 n/ O+ l3 X# R> > proof of sickness.
* H4 }' L5 M9 N- W' J> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able1 a1 ], C/ _# G* K' g- T
> > to come to work.$ }7 A% t* v( x7 ]7 f
> >" ], _' M2 B! h+ v
> > Holiday Days
: v# P: E! p3 _3 j9 B' O0 x" r! P3 |> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
3 W& }7 P# t+ _9 H. O0 J3 S& Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# i! F( p) s% \# H
> >
( b- ^+ N5 l/ w2 H> > Compassionate Leave. u0 S1 @# s% F$ Y% o  g" M6 I) w1 l2 ^
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
# X( V1 S1 ^5 e8 K, Y- h; A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  k' v5 F2 i6 c  I( X> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-0 R* q) x" {7 W7 J7 e. y. X9 @
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& {: ]0 }) A9 P6 f; k* |$ ]
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# X/ n" g! ^; V3 \5 X
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
8 R0 j/ k8 i5 y+ V+ D! A> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* |4 n+ B" h4 e: E$ t' y. E
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: n  {( F3 f$ p) b> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use/ a8 h1 J! U% M9 H2 ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- G- L/ k7 Z" `* `0 i+ k' e> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 u- m! u; j: ~9 g8 W5 l> > in the cubicles.9 N* R7 \  U) z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ \  r1 a& n1 G> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 B6 |. v5 N3 i2 w3 m
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., i: \5 S1 k3 g9 z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 ]5 {3 i' ]" W5 m0 w7 @
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 h4 Q, W  w5 i2 N
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
! v- _$ ^+ x' `2 E, e> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: G1 Y/ y! ?6 |7 `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ K+ E$ {2 t3 X" ^8 Y> > policy.( f7 K9 G% i4 z) k- m, a* _" u( \
> >
9 o6 E6 z6 N3 M> > Lunch Break/ a  k( k& V/ N8 ~; g& C! s
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( g' x' [7 l! Z9 |8 H4 B- J5 G! A) N$ C, h
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 b9 B1 A7 E1 ^! z& O$ E6 @3 c7 W$ S> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ N7 |) M. ]! y8 ^5 h$ ^1 M
> > maintain their average figure.
0 ]7 I/ i/ P. U- o0 v/ T> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% x& F2 D& k" |2 u4 l  f> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& }1 _' X7 x# t, v# w> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) w+ ^3 h% W3 h7 M) ]$ D4 [
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, x) G. A6 p  `6 O> > employment experience.
* x- P; J) p; Z3 o& s. }2 ~( ~> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
9 f$ T; l/ u; p2 I3 a> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% B$ d: ]9 ]& @' a, v% U> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" b& f& _$ x3 c* T* P9 Y5 f> > directed elsewhere.