HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 S) N9 |8 b5 P$ D
> >                     Effective January 2007
  ?$ X. E. z" U. |! k2 Q> >
3 C8 p( n) q& p> > Dress Code
: {. h$ v! ~& A7 d5 l6 X> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ o" p/ L8 G- Q# j/ V
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! m) L% X7 R2 p# P
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume+ j& L2 H. I$ D3 y( N- L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  C! d9 T5 D* O, Z2 P8 `
> > need a pay raise.
' ^9 i5 }/ S4 c+ C: _: o* O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 T% k% w- ^) L4 c: O5 I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 ]" V: A: N, N! ?1 x  Q% k) u
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 j/ ~) {+ t8 y( L' i* \
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 M, P1 W' Y1 d
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 y. v! K5 W5 w$ Y7 Y
> > raise.9 \. w- u3 P- Y7 L$ R$ C
> >
/ ?' G) S3 e3 Y1 c0 t6 T' u> > Sick Days. y% O/ a1 C8 `6 _: P( L- b
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ O4 Y2 D3 B& O# U$ r" h+ t> > proof of sickness.8 i; x" N/ C- ~, {2 N! M
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" l9 n2 ]0 o7 c/ _" U; e> > to come to work.
' H" n3 r4 ]# c8 `; B> >
1 M& m5 h# Q  x" I> > Holiday Days
5 [- B  U7 h8 L% `2 e$ U) e5 P> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ ^$ n: X3 A4 A/ \
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; K( G$ j$ m, _6 w" O
> >
* ~. e- q  c: M1 [9 ?* G7 D) f> > Compassionate Leave
- Q6 V( W+ o& B% q& [> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% M0 X1 ^( d! y* k$ J/ d, d1 @) }4 E4 [
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: w4 V7 V& @& W3 d& @& |
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# B% ~- t* f1 v3 K+ H
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. L; [# `0 x. \5 q  y& \" e
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- _) U$ C! f5 [+ G: [
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% {6 m2 m2 b3 C& Y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ V9 J" O- T2 d! U" I5 g1 i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
5 l$ t6 v; J2 c1 N% ~8 U0 E7 v> > hour early.
/ a; l" \4 p/ e; [> >
2 @8 i; \$ {, c" x> > Toilet Use
* G; l. p) H  j9 ]2 C, J' n  T> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; f& n1 G7 Y: \9 Z5 ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 D5 Q4 h6 u1 `9 ^" K: L  {2 ^> > in the cubicles.
( Q* ]- k5 O* e( X8 b* R> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
: F. l: K) \  d) Z. q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( K) [* {& X6 M8 l; g
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# \9 r6 e  q5 {! N# W. u$ h1 e3 t) H2 j> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& ^) _0 ^# l* r, y> > posted on the company notice board under the
( J7 Z7 m7 m, N; k> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( _3 O. `  Q3 ~5 x) O( u# S2 i
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 r9 O6 T  i5 X
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health2 J7 q/ Q, t4 f+ W, D
> > policy.
, D( s/ T: _' R. z6 P> >
) R% c8 v6 ~1 u5 ?9 N> > Lunch Break
* d3 V* b3 |: I9 _> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
9 C' E$ u' i* R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
  G( h* s: ?9 \+ S. R' V- e  F> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to# {5 d6 g$ z4 I
> > maintain their average figure.
; I, R  |' x7 _( r& a> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 g1 G; t0 f7 k8 y2 F4 x> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ f6 ?; @' \8 d* H! X* ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 h- C/ P' M( U# l8 Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" ~$ a$ c$ f* P% `! o; w> > employment experience.
# D( R# t  Q& S' P4 {2 ^> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 R) i! G' ^+ ?6 m> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 R" w* {( o8 j# V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ p. L0 Z4 c( f% y! n' K& F> > directed elsewhere.