HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
# G- ^  v5 w8 X' ?; o1 l/ _- G> >                     Effective January 20077 H5 P4 _& D0 o8 T. N
> >: j6 b  Q" u! @2 e  y  ^
> > Dress Code
4 S' W* ]0 V, W) i6 [' ^> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" `2 ]7 G4 z- w; H> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( D4 M5 d" A: F( b  p
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 B# S6 t3 U; r; N2 a% [  w; D5 V> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not- x* m6 `' j' D, {' w5 ]
> > need a pay raise.: J7 J' {0 ~0 z( G8 q! Z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
5 q/ e: d6 o$ n# ^> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ E4 }# t, b5 `0 N' w* n> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 N8 M- y0 ?! j> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# Z9 f& J; m; r1 i3 V$ o
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; d' z# I+ X/ y) o4 c  h6 o# i, f' D> > raise.) h$ V8 l$ ?) Q4 C
> >
. X# w/ `  s6 o0 a, z& J/ }> > Sick Days
. ]# `  |( A# ^0 X# s, A> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* Q( J& G; e! U. H6 P* X# |> > proof of sickness." J7 |8 G2 \- B# o
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; L, M# [: Y! o) ~+ ?% t+ Z> > to come to work.; ]8 g+ G/ z( b9 c6 B$ n9 L
> >
4 c6 U/ d; p& C' S8 {> > Holiday Days
) H! l% V1 F+ H( i> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
$ x  F% G. j4 U1 w> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) z' ~1 V, D+ U
> >9 r  ]5 S4 A* ?* C0 ^$ J
> > Compassionate Leave
$ B8 k% @7 x$ i' ]; d$ K( \- Q> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) H8 t9 @6 O  K# S  J
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 O  u8 ?  Z$ o1 a! j- @
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& \/ {' ]1 Y9 }; j. j1 i> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 K. j, `" f6 O1 |' \
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) E/ a* z( \$ z* _2 p3 n
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 G. z+ t* }' d; `/ S
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% z, w8 P9 N4 d8 i5 {> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
& o! j6 ~5 U* i5 `) u( C5 X> > hour early.
2 R. ~4 x! I/ r& P1 J/ U* E> >
" c4 h0 Q: {- y! D! U* U: V> > Toilet Use
: I  m' f2 j& Q! y; i3 x> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" |# |/ j. Z" R% M. P# W2 L1 Y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 T+ F3 A4 s* V
> > in the cubicles.
9 [% T% h, G3 i6 q8 z5 r$ W+ x> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% K' M/ |, ?- a$ s% F2 p1 j, c
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! L- D! h9 M. L% b3 v1 @> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 w& s+ I" B/ V( ?7 e  \8 |; ?2 [
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
0 U0 q) K; w/ Z9 ?" F> > posted on the company notice board under the4 g7 @% L& V  V" j0 X) z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.' v5 I  Z. t- v6 F; S9 L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& Q9 c8 u1 r; L# @> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 Q. N0 A/ _3 X0 S& P  N; {
> > policy.
3 j+ G5 E  }, k1 `9 G1 `> >$ z/ e5 b) _2 T. q$ t% p5 i8 w2 v
> > Lunch Break
7 J5 w( ^2 ^$ o2 b0 z9 a$ n> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, c+ |' W, H! b) B
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ K  b, a2 r( ~, I8 ^1 V
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to5 j% {: X/ D6 s3 A
> > maintain their average figure.3 Z+ i1 ~- L& {: S. g- `
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) u. G( A( D6 G
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# |+ W) c, \' U9 K5 i> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" N4 d( k8 @4 i/ ]  [* q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
9 m: D, v/ x! j9 T> > employment experience.0 b( _% W* e+ A: W; s4 b: y% X  W
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," D2 a- q3 a& H& c0 H0 I9 K
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 |0 R/ `) B0 n6 {/ d0 u> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be" B3 o& ?( q, A, g+ J7 g1 c
> > directed elsewhere.