HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:) B8 ~* F1 f1 x1 A: h
> >                     Effective January 2007$ w8 M0 |+ j  T9 s3 B. j7 h# e* i
> >; c5 D# b; E+ k6 D
> > Dress Code* y7 U- r6 l3 C, H: \
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 }: a+ B' b& u+ B0 s- z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& d9 J* Z, @" I6 z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 Q6 m  P' h$ n  w6 c" c> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) r: C! g4 X* `% [8 |& P4 _> > need a pay raise.
% H* D" c* V; q& H. r> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* t$ q; u* ?; O8 v9 Z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer( x4 _4 ?" }* X6 Z7 n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 [9 n& d" G' K1 {9 \: D( T4 d
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# }' U. f) E& {; V9 c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
, _. j8 U% F# Y" t5 P7 Q+ d> > raise.# P3 _3 z  G6 ]) p. e9 j1 t
> >
9 y# }  n1 c# i# w8 I> > Sick Days
( t( A6 ~2 }# v4 s> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. z& h9 x: c& |1 C, V- K9 K" ]
> > proof of sickness.' w. F  I2 f: M
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ }" Z9 N1 H$ l2 B0 g
> > to come to work., W& B7 B5 g! g* J7 o2 s6 Q" e
> >1 I2 i, y* q& U* b. n  l
> > Holiday Days
* I$ A# f! r# M- [8 r" d> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
$ l7 d9 ^' B% g* H8 l5 E> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 X4 R' X* S0 i8 H/ A+ o2 c8 o! D
> >0 _$ c' G# \) H2 B) H
> > Compassionate Leave
& V5 v" o$ ^/ z! U2 W> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& `' C/ b8 }3 g+ V+ k2 e
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" b/ R: q8 n* i; i
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 \8 j0 I& R- b$ a> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' C3 Y# x, h; j  Z8 ~> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 S5 X9 `# u) t2 N: U" K" L" A5 ~
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 ]; z1 [" k0 U' H
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' M- q" `( j; C; [, p8 F3 ?> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 f, N7 V5 b3 }" V# P> > hour early.1 U+ I" j0 v" c$ r+ |2 H7 D; Q; o
> >
# B8 y  v' ^  Y7 D> > Toilet Use3 ^$ f) H+ k8 f5 z
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 e+ l5 {8 M" ~" [& [) z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 h+ }% C4 f+ r$ q> > in the cubicles.$ K) X* R0 \  G4 R' U, v2 u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# H& e. y2 T3 w6 R/ l8 _2 O> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' w- z* E. X, \* c9 F5 k3 R- l; d
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' F; _! z/ v0 o2 Y; i* e
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 p7 I4 T+ [, V. o4 |% m
> > posted on the company notice board under the  ~8 T* e: `! Q% N6 Z4 x
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: s: ?4 I# ~6 i. F> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# M$ I9 e6 p' Y3 E
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 D8 j  ^" p% v0 x5 [+ K& {> > policy.
9 T) n) Z6 `  V+ _1 G> >
9 z- R" _- z7 r( Q6 j1 d> > Lunch Break
* T& o  ^' z# }: P9 v3 a! O> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ V# F1 V1 b4 b5 P' R7 W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 |1 u" ]7 f9 }( a4 f* A> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% h( v, @% ^/ ^+ x; p$ U# E9 ~
> > maintain their average figure.- [( D; T( A2 X, H
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
$ ~3 g: a2 K" u! P% x% J> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& j' W& b4 r' {( m7 L> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are1 X! ~- `! B. c* Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 [7 Q6 C2 G2 r* x> > employment experience.$ Z  y3 y) m0 L+ ?
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
3 q0 h9 h) I8 d/ Y8 J  g, u> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. A( g6 b' U  a" q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 g3 p' S" T& m; C) d1 Y% d> > directed elsewhere.