HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:1 @6 {8 @+ n1 m( }
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code7 f$ I9 |1 q: ^0 {0 g
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, x, g6 |! c; i0 w7 o
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 u9 w4 N- o# {3 k> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume! @2 t5 @- B& f: W' L
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 c4 c, {+ l6 n! S7 i) [; a> > need a pay raise.
  w: |) {% O) ?% }, B& P4 l> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 L1 l; R, o8 p5 @
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer0 P1 h9 C9 x. }5 P$ Y9 s4 r' n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' [* ?3 D5 o( b> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ `5 q  o; J6 C# ^
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 {8 c& }1 @; K- J; ~& Q. ]> > raise.
7 K( ]# B4 L. R' T9 I> >
  B7 k1 @, h$ X' ^7 x> > Sick Days
  a" ?9 R# s8 Q9 r1 v> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% e$ v: A2 o) \6 E" ^2 g
> > proof of sickness.
' f, u0 a4 r# G( x; T" B1 Z5 L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 I& W5 m" _" l. t
> > to come to work.6 R5 e! V9 ]( G
> >
% H, q8 O$ n' \- u/ |. s" e> > Holiday Days6 l  e: ?. C; j. L& Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 Y, k) R4 J' C5 @. p8 m( E
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave, }" B, Y6 N+ n# S4 ~5 ]/ K5 R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 h$ @5 M6 C) d" o' [/ s
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
2 D' k/ F( |9 r4 W3 S( m> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! _7 p+ K+ i7 K6 k) _1 [> > employees attend to the arrangements.
9 o1 H0 F( C5 S2 e4 H. g> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
+ L; m" T6 K+ {9 V$ R! g. E> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  q( ?; l6 N1 }! u0 {7 E# F
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* Y/ n! S  J9 O. R$ ~> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 E1 X8 T: D/ V2 n) X4 Y' u, N
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
% S; V2 h- P1 m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& v! [* I' _$ }! h9 V' q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  h) j/ ~% P$ n0 q8 _, {
> > in the cubicles.* L5 _" D1 w: R; R
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 y7 @* b* o( t! [' m3 k( e+ n+ I
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle1 N6 _/ _& \; F) r5 d2 C
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! @: T7 a! L6 S9 X8 B1 Y; _" D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ g% V- y0 n4 w7 u& s
> > posted on the company notice board under the
& K: Y& `# U! a) s" ?> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 {( R( |- W9 ^; y> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 K4 A: T- n5 I2 N' Y6 D
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
1 z5 k4 |! r# L( h  J) D* W- t> > policy.# `. }  ~, ?( p. p
> >
& G; ~$ O/ p# _* s8 r/ Z! Y> > Lunch Break2 v2 |3 M$ R. O/ L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ h/ M1 H3 b% ?* Z> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ w# G+ L3 T- Z& L' V& R8 B! w$ n% T> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 G* T7 a  W" t" q6 L" j6 \4 ^7 I
> > maintain their average figure.
4 {% l' a' z" z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# g" M6 Q' Z  c6 m% g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 u1 G+ O; {7 M  A& D
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- w3 Q8 D1 V6 }( t% l0 r> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( i. K' J% p. q) x4 s/ B
> > employment experience.
& ]9 w7 g+ Y* b% f8 c+ c0 X5 p> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 T! ]  N) R9 M  [8 A) X- g  x
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, r" S* [, }* ]4 Q& R) a
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 j% Z. q" v5 N- q
> > directed elsewhere.