HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:3 Q7 r1 \; f' u& h$ U
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code7 h: K  _! L/ [- x1 h* D5 n
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 {3 W2 m# W1 S! Q  W1 q% `4 _
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing& q4 P+ U' v' q  I2 M3 C7 b
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
7 a$ ?! }! _4 M> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) W) O. t% W) r3 N
> > need a pay raise.3 a, f; l. e4 b& H" O; e9 I1 x
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ R% b6 S; L' V3 c/ x9 W0 K
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 `! ^! C2 i- Z9 Z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., h8 v8 i; Y. W0 }$ X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( y/ v7 l3 S- Q6 ?; y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 E& S; F4 m* i( x' ]! \( P
> > raise./ x2 {4 s5 a* F0 W& s' k: l7 ~
> >
3 p4 O6 f8 p( t) z: D> > Sick Days5 B: ]; D/ {3 a/ G/ W- `7 d* S" p8 f
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ N$ B) H3 r6 I6 ]0 j# ]- o7 t
> > proof of sickness.
5 z$ ]+ C) O( O1 v> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; }+ h* k9 Q9 E% E5 T
> > to come to work.
% V/ R0 J- {- B+ K( ]> >
0 ]" h0 v7 e/ `' H  x1 g! h9 R' N> > Holiday Days$ [( l( F) }, {6 A# ~
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) H/ v  P0 u: I0 b
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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& M/ p( Z1 G# E8 R6 r# T6 [' R> > Compassionate Leave! g8 o5 F# i. S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* `% Q9 M( s# S+ e. C+ {( `> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, W( y2 k, \; P
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 Y/ Y4 A7 `5 r5 x% F
> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 s& e( _, b2 j$ w
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  k( F: J" h: X" \# Y. a9 Y
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
  M: @3 ?; A# }) \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; [1 @: K1 t3 O0 t, k; j
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# H, y: v# g( H% U
> > hour early.( D+ c7 c0 T6 l  @. j! A( O
> >
2 [7 P; T# t# Q9 K( Y! [> > Toilet Use  P  R" d( M) M( Q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ ~$ E7 ?0 [$ ?' y8 K> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit6 C9 b4 v& n( T6 k2 v! a' |
> > in the cubicles.
3 I% s, _& G4 t9 O% [> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 [$ z% ^" Q/ }9 n> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 [& C5 I  g; k6 \/ c5 V! a& Z> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 ?" Q0 Y: f7 ]! F& I% ]
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- d0 |, l5 I7 h# Z4 W> > posted on the company notice board under the$ B, T0 o; `/ k) M( i
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- p$ U& ]7 q$ c# I( \
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' Q$ _- l2 W/ T
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 h" f+ \6 n6 E  ]0 W$ ?0 V8 C
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break7 |9 R; ?4 n5 r; O/ d
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, `5 I2 a3 W/ j) U> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( c+ S* |) r# B  Z, U> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 g1 U, g7 d/ F; r
> > maintain their average figure.
, {' d0 T; t' |> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 `$ d, e+ j5 V/ d  S: [4 I( ~> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
4 s- v2 n2 c4 g1 o7 H4 m> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 p$ G: k/ u' j! a4 `
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, _1 e& b* L  x, Z> > employment experience.* L2 E4 r6 |% r, y! l. K& H1 J
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: f9 j/ w7 t  n+ @2 V* x5 o
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. {/ j6 S' J3 C# C+ x2 q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ A; Y$ L6 W) }& |; p
> > directed elsewhere.