HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:9 ^4 k2 b& Q& a( O. J
> >                     Effective January 2007
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' f; l% _/ ]( {2 Z1 \' S> > Dress Code- r# W/ n0 g+ X$ q& J
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
5 t. [8 k' n) M) |" n' t" z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 L6 a( `; Y# x! _
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: {+ ^; _& n! S3 n* l" {9 L> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* p. R8 w( R8 f8 N; k9 {5 f3 b> > need a pay raise.) h  C; Z' G/ b! c) T3 x5 x8 |6 F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- ?8 Q" U2 A) T" O, \/ R
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 Q& |3 Q; E5 e
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 ~. K& p0 s: s' m> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& d  l3 ^" e( _) W. F& u7 }> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  [" u. A: G6 E+ n6 y/ l3 H> > raise.2 M2 {  `; B' ?
> >
5 Z6 Z/ `) d# j0 F> > Sick Days/ X+ _# V. R8 n7 V" ]% w
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
6 m" S: {9 c& Z( {> > proof of sickness.
% r5 N2 X. s8 ]0 ?' a5 T. k> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 S7 _3 w3 m, s( O6 {4 I
> > to come to work.' U7 F* P% K, E
> >1 G; G7 U( [' j% W% A6 q
> > Holiday Days
$ _! O! q  |0 G# H' X! I4 r> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 ?3 w4 ~/ n! U' I- w. A
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
/ E4 ?- L3 h3 R, H8 o) V5 Q1 x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) }' O2 D% S9 A, V> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
! l* Q1 p& C  l$ o$ }3 }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-; q* B$ m6 t+ I4 V- R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.  }3 p" a: T! ~3 s! Z6 k
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" L  g- }- H) ]% C1 [6 N> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! w7 s3 \1 ?. C4 o
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, `3 \( W, f/ C  c
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 {6 h1 `$ ]; f2 S* d> > hour early.
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# h" c& {- v7 d> > Toilet Use
2 d: S8 i; v# W# ]4 |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. \+ Q% W! u" S+ ]4 @8 o2 r" A) V
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' ?( v* n" |0 N/ G> > in the cubicles.5 t8 [6 i- Q7 d; M
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 _* E8 [6 o" c6 B8 M3 `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ H* m6 X  z7 j> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 z2 {7 p$ \6 o$ [  g
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
1 \$ z3 P% G& ^) j) ^' X2 e> > posted on the company notice board under the* n& f! d8 c4 f, z+ @
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
' }1 G) @, T/ e- }3 h1 D> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! M9 I! G0 ^6 s% l
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 A# L* t! Q' N1 H2 i# P3 k
> > policy.
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3 r- N8 f5 M+ V% a* W% ~> > Lunch Break9 j, D! E/ k' n7 i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: ?: k9 c  o6 {3 _. m> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* F# M) o+ X: L( A' @> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
  v6 i7 Q9 @5 B* }> > maintain their average figure.6 U1 F; F$ N  k% f9 W8 v; l7 N9 @) N
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: u+ e$ ^2 ]. g+ x$ r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ B1 Z( N: z! W: ?5 x' y7 b> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
8 a! a3 z6 T. O' `> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 L* r$ p3 U3 Y  o8 Y- ^
> > employment experience.
, v  n0 A/ }, u, x/ t  X" P> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ K+ N, `* v9 N" ]% r" V; }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& u$ r. y% H) ?4 ]) a& Y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( l5 o$ C# G$ z* O6 v2 f> > directed elsewhere.