HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) k/ N+ W  v3 f( i> >                     Effective January 2007  y# ~* F6 y! s& E7 o
> >
* k+ P6 `+ a. N" d$ s& N/ p: H4 t> > Dress Code
2 s8 y0 \8 r7 M; v2 b9 i( A> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% L; p; p+ e( t, U1 @" j: S# U
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ S2 F2 ^, y+ u, n> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, M/ m" C- T0 u5 u  N8 b% u# @0 R> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 f0 [6 o; B+ f6 T3 U6 f& |% z> > need a pay raise.. M& e! t% o' }* {
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 ?3 T1 i5 c1 H4 S1 k  b3 a( I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
' m" x. N; A" c. M> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.  A- ^+ j1 u, o: f- X5 z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 {: C2 a5 e2 m> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
/ o9 i: f: [2 E% y: W: L> > raise.
1 s' ~0 r7 L: j9 f> >
; D5 T3 S: h! ]; |> > Sick Days
3 J. \6 u( D+ X4 L4 k$ V- x- d> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" v3 v$ ^% N4 A2 Q9 o! ~& m% B> > proof of sickness.- x, |7 D/ `9 O9 F$ c. E
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able1 J" I! ^/ m, q/ r
> > to come to work." ~& C" t6 j% |/ l! D2 L, t
> >
8 H' U% j9 `8 [1 |  o# y> > Holiday Days1 u7 M1 L; d, s/ L8 |: z
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# r% y+ q( |( d$ p% ~
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 W, F/ C2 C; A, ~# h1 C$ {
> >
; X( M6 _5 I) P$ z+ k2 P> > Compassionate Leave
; l# S, V: _" C5 Z9 j. _) g$ R% H: o> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- n; F% ?+ N9 K8 P2 k> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 G1 {4 D) Y) G3 o
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' y/ Z% U" u6 j, Z2 G5 q6 }> > employees attend to the arrangements.% D# u; S- [3 K) L
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% I' R* I- i: f: _# L) V> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& I5 g% z) K6 \) J3 R( h> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) f1 E% I0 ~4 F" T7 u* L
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# s. l" J, Q+ ]" h3 \) I& U> > hour early.
8 Z2 g1 X5 w& L- q& O7 H% u  f> >8 [! L8 U* `. R6 C% i1 a; a7 L- ]7 u, R
> > Toilet Use
' S9 @8 `  m, X> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. L, J) A" M3 `1 ^3 R6 I  ^
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! M( B% r; Z% i; x# u* N5 C
> > in the cubicles.$ x- Z& h5 M9 a$ w; \
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' G0 Q1 S; @% O- }1 T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  e3 s; D/ I! P3 z# N+ `> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& c, w+ S  G- E0 P% n
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% S+ Y) E; O( Y# |. a! u> > posted on the company notice board under the/ g7 f* t! F' b- q! I2 H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ ]" |) L% `+ E- ]/ H6 I2 P, Y
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 j, K0 p4 X. k; S: S> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ S3 ?/ n* U8 G* N8 k- G/ s. Z> > policy.
6 _% H) }+ C0 l8 [5 y> >3 z% B/ q: R9 o; C) _: E
> > Lunch Break* Z% H; C. K) F+ @- c! U  ^8 @
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 O/ V9 H( a- _1 c- T
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 u6 Y" Y3 ]7 g2 W) d) E> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' Z- _5 c( Y, Q% n
> > maintain their average figure.
- o) T+ [3 W! Y: \  P0 R9 I- w2 H> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) B( Z5 o. M4 V+ _8 {$ B' ~
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
: l- w7 Q/ ^0 ^1 t8 _1 C> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
  j* Q$ v  U* P+ h> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 c, ^2 p1 T& ?! [) m> > employment experience.
; y, Z2 |$ C& ^& a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ \) e/ e9 c, {& f1 K% @
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 o8 s2 R+ a9 h5 Y0 S; O
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be) q! C) }* W, |' H
> > directed elsewhere.