HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
' E& E$ |/ c2 l- Y8 y> >                     Effective January 2007- n6 v, C1 \, f5 {: ]
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> > Dress Code
* p: X; j# S2 |0 }4 o& N9 G- g4 z  z> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) A! |% x& ?$ l9 F4 T8 T! O. x! j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) {5 X- c$ r6 @. p6 }- Z# m
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
  M) s0 [9 L9 U% z3 a- |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ c1 K/ @3 J6 S! _% k& P
> > need a pay raise.
, G0 B& ~* A; V: L( A5 Q7 W: x> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 h2 V, a$ O8 {: s- @9 z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 T3 ^8 @1 c$ F$ \) c! b& n- h> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% X+ ^9 C( v/ s8 L# F7 u
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) h" Q! P9 d. i> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# x+ t2 C" `. t% N
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
5 Z# O. G7 j3 E/ `& A> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 ~, v5 ~$ ]! C) n* Q> > proof of sickness.
5 H2 @: ]" i/ E6 A7 q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( M2 Y' C' E$ ?8 B3 g! d+ A* c> > to come to work.
( r& {5 U: ]9 }, o1 N9 K+ w> >
2 q5 T3 ]6 m8 _, `> > Holiday Days
! B$ L) _9 m3 ^. H> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 ?5 s% R- c/ i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
9 i0 @7 G# n/ c! `8 P> >
- d9 n0 A3 s" Z, P- Y0 ]> > Compassionate Leave. L! t8 Z3 o! r, a1 O3 e9 x' J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 Y% b8 e& t! |% u> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, p& e2 Y) X' x1 s* K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ j8 O8 \: {1 ~  u% ~- y> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 g+ S% }& O1 N; R5 [/ X
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( I% _% _/ }7 c% F2 V
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 B( O/ A" j: e4 y1 R. g- N
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% w* L- I/ h( m. T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one4 F4 n7 Y: Q( m) O# S
> > hour early., a; c9 d2 E9 c# U
> >
+ q9 |+ U* g7 y7 v+ ]  }! u> > Toilet Use
3 O- t9 ^( d/ ~5 \( \# J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  y) i, {1 K- z, a> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: M3 y5 V# ]; s& j. G( ?9 m! L
> > in the cubicles.9 y6 F3 E7 a: R* {% I: z6 H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will( R# p3 X( n+ F' T8 a
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, {0 d! h6 b1 {
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ ?5 q7 o) g. x& ?: ]) @- N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 p# S3 K5 m/ [
> > posted on the company notice board under the
# A; @& ~3 _6 @' @! s; S> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. Q" d4 t5 q: j4 U* l> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
5 J0 ^0 R5 y, L, |' j8 ^+ C> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 }, q9 n. Q* ?7 E+ R& c> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break9 e* X: V  X$ I2 }; w7 t8 T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, r) P8 r% S( ]. j5 X  J% b  J
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( {$ z8 ]& i/ I$ o! ^9 F; P# ^( N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ S# N' E7 f4 V  j- |! d1 Y> > maintain their average figure.
: `1 g- A/ H( f- R; b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" l' G  T7 A2 V0 m7 A8 ^
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. o* p7 d8 d. P> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 V: ]4 ], j% i6 i  A, h> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& s8 w+ z# c/ Z5 z+ O
> > employment experience.+ a  m' e' d2 D/ p7 u! m8 t5 L
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% M* C1 y% E+ O1 ]  e% v8 [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, s0 |: N1 p& P* t& p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; R  A+ P3 i- w( v; g. s
> > directed elsewhere.