HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:9 `( `3 j, J  G# B% l
> >                     Effective January 2007* ^9 _& y/ x: e2 |6 J
> >4 D1 q3 P" w5 c8 O
> > Dress Code
0 J* J' m& |8 |' H: H3 y$ w> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 a/ q- E: h3 L  _- N9 c9 f
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( u5 x; J: L/ K, ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 M2 v: g. v; Q0 ^+ B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 w) Q" c* e7 K. h( O
> > need a pay raise.0 i3 t& T( }; K) }5 t" e+ ~+ t
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 r- o( c' o+ \! @: }
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ r+ a0 R; v( a2 |% Z- Y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* O/ y' i2 F6 C' a) K> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 C, W/ E$ J! m: J
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay( l0 i% E- X0 g& n3 A8 ~+ O, {) [
> > raise.  i$ m( x  G' e* Y% G/ v
> >* d$ k! }6 Y+ ]" G: ~( M4 h
> > Sick Days
" k- M- M% P4 e7 r* X0 [1 M1 R> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as+ Q; Y% K0 @. U7 a! [# w
> > proof of sickness.
* K; T, ?- n$ j/ s9 H7 ^- p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) B4 N7 U: f1 g2 c4 a, R' w( n, j. V
> > to come to work.2 t: W, _6 h2 n; h
> >
1 `: J+ E4 w0 V9 W& X9 K3 Z* c> > Holiday Days
! X2 G2 S3 _7 C7 y" Q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ @# D6 D& U/ D
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& r- \, S, ]7 o> >
1 Z( m: f% `" d3 _, U' w' m7 ]4 ^> > Compassionate Leave
9 i9 Y$ x1 I0 O/ a> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ i, X; P7 S) `0 q) H
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-$ {; }- t+ Y/ p3 _& u& `. E
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, B6 l* x/ X$ T7 Z; y9 C9 ?8 u2 c# d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 [; v1 R# \/ L+ g* C& V$ u) C/ N
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is% C4 [6 N1 P' A$ n7 g9 E: D7 b
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 [; f! ^+ V2 |4 E" }
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 |4 q6 O+ w: J& j6 a9 R> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) V+ K& ~* z3 T  U$ ?
> > hour early.; W8 u. _. V% h
> >+ g7 x  Q  S6 ~/ N
> > Toilet Use. A; r# S+ g& T2 }: h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: O( l: k3 k1 T
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
& L/ J! I( n2 z+ n4 K* X* F8 ^! |$ C> > in the cubicles.
; @- u3 y/ t' H9 h) @; ?. k. f1 N> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ Q& [" X5 J$ I" P> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; l9 l: y! t' |8 ~; e& i# E
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) a# K0 i( U2 S/ M) V> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! H$ c, y0 T; I1 Z# e2 C
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% ?* k, L& K' N, H> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 B1 l5 f; U! G9 ^/ H> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 I% X4 u7 D& P- o
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 q" n" K7 ^  s7 `) Z2 d* w
> > policy." `! }4 n6 X; l9 x! K
> >1 j" u( k; [! A% O1 l
> > Lunch Break
% Z) T( d& B- ?+ O' O> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' k! \. h2 p* r7 `
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.% M: Y4 \3 J; ]" ]: d" g0 l' F
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
9 U* _& a( E6 N2 ]; h3 w1 {> > maintain their average figure.: S* j# y4 K9 x6 L) |* }8 B
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 j; N9 N& h* x" b4 h> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.( S/ s" L2 m) T$ b- n: b+ x
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are$ b5 U4 T+ k3 F. L) B/ t
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
1 J7 J& S1 Q( X3 v7 W> > employment experience.
. r' q: `  b0 j' C) K% O> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 m. y/ f$ _! x2 b. L7 ]$ P; ~
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 O: L2 ~9 Q+ k7 `) {, W) y
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 p7 q, N5 R* j5 Q6 U
> > directed elsewhere.