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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
6 c% p1 ?4 \/ f; w> > Effective January 20073 G1 Y4 w) p# l7 s
> >
# F; F8 Y7 w" g; d7 E> > Dress Code( D) R7 Q0 B- }) t6 b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, D5 o% K$ I2 N! U3 ~( T! p
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 A( {- Z1 v: q8 O {
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 E& O( x) ?6 d8 d1 w
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% e+ w2 _* [ F9 I3 f' o
> > need a pay raise.
/ P: ]. n$ @! B9 z) g Q0 w> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( z: B7 S5 n: D% h4 A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. ?8 I( n7 i3 w" Z! {5 {, @- b# H> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 _; w. M* h, t/ c# l
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# E6 _. b" k; \
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 l) ]9 z0 E8 G6 |
> > raise.- q+ _* ]0 I7 f4 ?$ |8 o) y( E
> >* |! [( j' `4 B Y
> > Sick Days
) x( z2 g! ]( H2 ^. q2 z! Q> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
/ D6 F6 x4 K' D/ q6 _> > proof of sickness.
- \% h) k! |3 P" \ l, M6 p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( W0 i- N+ c( z3 p% a% d4 c# X/ `> > to come to work.- V9 k( _# u; N3 `
> >
' [7 w3 m1 m$ ]+ [, y! j> > Holiday Days6 m9 ~3 }3 y: v1 u% a' u" ]7 [
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" a* A# B8 v7 ^0 O H> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ [" h$ v. D9 w
> >% h) h; m" j7 W, o9 Q' i* ^
> > Compassionate Leave
# t; v* R6 l. l2 L' Q> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 ^) }# P7 ]$ P# D1 s) e' Z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 X' j+ e' {+ }0 T+ S) j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-) z! E8 E5 c: j( s" e* l* v
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 o H j6 l# J& ~ ?> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 B" N' y, t- }0 ^$ J> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- V0 k. |3 ]& N# B: u* x4 {) P> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( W! q$ ]" R: T) D% @. C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 `) N. K* z# M4 p! n$ O* g, T> > hour early.
8 b$ X# L+ {+ ]$ [" _> >
) ^! B+ f7 H0 S; j. z# _1 }% u2 u> > Toilet Use9 n- O7 H% m. C# ?
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 S. ^" n7 H7 o. f, y2 R; P, k$ a
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* u5 r5 B3 G% s> > in the cubicles.
3 H; ?0 t9 O# D8 Z% W8 @2 x> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& G6 t4 s3 l5 w9 s$ M; t6 ~' L
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle1 a+ t% a& H, m+ ^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 [" B/ u. ^2 E, N( ?+ |+ R! d
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ n/ f4 ?' v. A3 D3 [) ]3 w> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ [+ X. y0 [ s> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 J$ k. @# Q. l) @; ]
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: [# L p" s9 _: h/ P( H
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health; @, V( n+ T4 t4 M8 Y
> > policy.
' T8 O5 I) N1 F1 }. [& ]: m/ z" A> >
3 U) X" V M; {# V Z" G" ]> > Lunch Break
+ v6 l; {' H, w7 E% }> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& I, j5 [! p+ H/ S9 _> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
' A& _2 b: s) M# [, d c5 k> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to# `% @, J% ?3 n7 B: {
> > maintain their average figure.0 z$ v4 i, G5 c4 v+ M- Z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
L) ~) Z1 d5 g9 A: S> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ n) Y/ U! u7 [- d6 v- f> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' B" S2 m b! U, _> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 {7 C3 @7 ?+ H M; _; e* y: }
> > employment experience.4 ]4 @2 C! A0 x3 X; Q: l' o! z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% H9 }; h# _2 d7 [& p> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 g# ?" e4 Y- i2 _/ G# {3 ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 b7 q- [4 l* m0 i
> > directed elsewhere. |
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