HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007
> >$ n% U. l) O6 i* U
> > Dress Code& o6 ^- i: k, D4 t- M3 m
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" U! r2 K) t, Z0 [# R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not' B5 ^/ Y  R- w  e
> > need a pay raise.7 `3 X& @4 U( e8 Z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 u) G" b2 P6 ]9 b6 L
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- f# h1 Z8 w" o6 }7 ?7 G. z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.) Y0 B) b) a$ B: s! ?8 j
> >+ F! }% o  j0 s# }% l
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ }; P# s5 F8 W6 C
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.' U9 A& c( S5 h+ N
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >9 M( c1 j8 B3 i5 ~
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 s5 m' x% ?+ a0 C' G' q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 G" g) e8 x/ {8 ~; Y  L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! p( h' A5 }+ r  ]/ @" I
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' }* P5 ?* s3 C% }/ Z; ~
> > hour early.6 C, d7 V0 k4 N9 G! G2 e
> >, R6 A( H, L4 C7 a8 J* q, w
> > Toilet Use( Y7 S  O5 [' D
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.$ `$ `7 W) {. o- A4 U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will# `" t# h5 Q* [) p) \
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( J0 U7 t6 _* _6 r1 }; Z2 |
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 p  Q8 H3 G6 a. d
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- v- K/ G, A2 |9 |; z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.
> >
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.8 f  d* E7 m) I2 a$ t
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, L+ I1 ]4 B, u. j( E
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; s! U! k: ~3 s0 E) I$ {/ b& e$ I
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are2 o; Z6 z4 W9 I6 c) \
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ H+ }: V6 y0 K
> > employment experience.! q) a9 K" V/ S: `, r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' B( O  F! z, o$ m8 |4 N0 j4 @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: V7 g& A; }, E
> > directed elsewhere.

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