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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
% y; b* ^ {' C> > Effective January 2007
6 g. ^4 h% o% [5 P6 T9 ^8 k( f) _2 q> >' ~8 g% c } S7 Y! n2 |
> > Dress Code* ?0 p2 `- e# m+ ]* l2 O
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
5 H7 ^6 [. U" l> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 N) E. ?, j. j1 R a/ i> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume6 V/ U! t e7 i$ B
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 F$ p5 m) v; p> > need a pay raise.
% P H: s, s. | g> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage M# n3 w: M# `2 p+ O: x% ]+ m$ k/ o
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 q. {0 b0 v$ ?% m* k! v
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. \( m( j" w" l& J! I% k> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ [) H- p: f; B* s5 g
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- O' ^' X- U3 Q+ D( S. [- i
> > raise.( r; k( h9 h( `2 m
> > G4 m: [8 H' H: l( }
> > Sick Days8 T; }- u: g' W: o
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( W, K/ C! }8 S4 g! o5 H% q0 i> > proof of sickness.
, z- q- Q, h. }> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% S! |; J' n' b% w& G" x7 i> > to come to work.
$ h+ i8 E, w6 @& Q& J> >
( q% P6 i8 D5 d6 e' @: b> > Holiday Days0 j9 `# M+ m4 X
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a' N& m% U& x! ?
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 S/ P- i" Y( t. I> >
, [% \; T G9 C) U; y H" B> > Compassionate Leave
6 W7 p i1 f {6 p/ ^ a- M2 H# ?> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
# V' K6 x1 R2 }% H3 k2 E6 z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 u4 ^- ]' b6 `4 O- k> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' C* \% w( h. G( \9 Y0 [1 I+ g$ m7 o
> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 m4 @4 |# @ s& F2 p7 m4 z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# O* i4 M+ ?+ H2 ^
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) l7 n- t% X1 v4 O4 P; O# Z5 Z> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work- ]+ O2 S0 N, V
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& ?8 h: ]: Y, D) B) _% i
> > hour early.
& j0 v: j4 R/ J1 C; t> >
9 N* V% l5 {' f& N1 p4 F" e5 x> > Toilet Use1 f3 f8 n) d0 I2 @5 O8 A9 w
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ p9 W; Y& O) [, t% S1 F& b# J
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 e) k$ U u3 J G3 u" |
> > in the cubicles.
% K8 ~ W4 ]" n4 s> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ r; p5 d1 b% c( i3 k- e% i> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 ?7 a! u, N3 }. e/ a+ L1 g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( J6 T* E9 S5 v1 H9 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 }" J' Y/ B0 v2 s w7 r, m
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* y; e# x& M0 [/ q) o# v3 h2 v> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: F4 O5 k6 h0 e/ X" V8 r& o> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 ~/ t$ `( i# ]( U> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
! _2 A& j6 f' B# F$ L> > policy.4 n* H: @" S5 f; t
> >. B7 p' n! v# Q' d& t' J
> > Lunch Break
1 n& Z: }3 K; ~5 F8 z- N$ [> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* E' C1 h. z) G" e! {' [
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 d& X/ M+ M3 s% q- {> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 k- U8 G: Z1 s3 _
> > maintain their average figure.
: g; z% Q$ `! D) U) U" \> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 T9 I. Q5 D0 e. \3 g7 q
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. x8 p+ ^. Q3 _1 I. g# m2 G> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" k' Y0 Y, Y: A" K. C
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 \9 f& h" L3 u
> > employment experience.
/ J y; @1 u# R+ C; C$ F6 }, o> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 p2 m- A2 j- u ?# Z! d, k> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) t" J: T T+ q. ? f
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* O$ P. j. m/ m8 B2 }2 p; a4 D
> > directed elsewhere. |
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