HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007# b6 i* G$ c: _9 r) c. x
> >
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 l# w) X% m) M$ R3 W7 w( S3 w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. {  W4 n3 ^6 W+ S6 Z) R
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 o* A. y- @8 r0 `3 Q5 ~8 _
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 X& a+ H; @8 Y4 S1 P2 A, E% \8 _2 C
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.
> >
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 _: W( {; C) w2 o# b2 u
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ W6 Q$ F' n3 x9 }* [! J
> > to come to work.
> >- M" l' u4 z( \! g) O5 H+ g7 P/ n
> > Holiday Days5 [; N1 E9 |' R$ n+ x8 D- y7 J
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* f0 Z4 o! ?; E$ d7 D
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( N( q: ^6 l- y
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. T! D, w- W, ~( }, e# T! j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! [( O8 P: K( d& W* l( q% W
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# p9 Y/ B1 g. m9 F% P
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.
> >- H' |* C% @" u
> > Toilet Use! k0 v, r$ S- O( y( s
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: X2 u" E& S+ y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 G- d9 W6 j6 K* J3 v1 w$ ?
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 ]' e% Z$ t- i6 _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 w% A% {$ c2 R0 b( [
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% Q& U1 m3 y" N7 D
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health2 S2 i4 H! {) o0 f
> > policy./ p5 |5 ]3 Z5 y0 q- H- w
> >
> > Lunch Break2 L- `$ b, T. ?- C/ }
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' ?. P! O; c, x  f# [7 U
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.% L. ~; G, E. E, Y: p
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.$ W8 @: k, p* }& E
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 G. i2 ?4 U$ Z- F$ F6 ^
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* R' ~% U+ \6 W# Z' d
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 U( [  z) f, r0 H! ^
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# j6 l) b1 O, Y% U" s3 U
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( K; W. Q7 s/ r% A. i3 Y. d  E, R( H
> > directed elsewhere.

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