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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
* t8 l# ~. i6 O1 K+ t. o0 |> > Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
0 }0 T1 u) w8 Y6 V% E+ \ D5 F> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 l; a. t$ d0 y7 K4 `5 n
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ h# s/ ?( t/ Q+ }: _& N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 } S: Z% G) ?7 ~( J, ~8 [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not* N7 w8 _: O8 B# k
> > need a pay raise.( m+ M$ D& m& T( q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 N1 r7 f* \5 U1 N, T. l5 ~
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer; m& v# m3 v6 x$ A4 h% B8 d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. T8 s |& D" z0 g7 i
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 G1 h# O0 a5 \. s! c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 q% t, d! s' `2 { U4 p' J- ~
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
; @. k/ u& Y, X Q# P/ J" ]> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! M T6 H6 Q Q5 u> > proof of sickness.
$ l! h+ R! Z6 [> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# N3 ?8 Z; f0 T: S3 Y6 Q5 _> > to come to work.
% q! f; E+ ^7 a* v/ l- r, v5 u( X2 T2 e> >
, O1 Q- T5 ?" J> > Holiday Days; D" w6 {7 W; t9 R% y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 o( }5 `2 H5 n( X2 P; u' k1 d> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.9 i3 _' w7 |! h$ t* O
> >
' T" [0 V! H& h1 B! A- o> > Compassionate Leave8 s5 d M' Q: j* y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# v4 r7 J- e3 V4 F6 R
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 z5 s$ Y. j$ e) P/ N5 ]$ Z8 ?
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; Q C8 d/ O2 I% ~- @* z> > employees attend to the arrangements.1 D/ J* k& }% f8 F$ r, Y0 F
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 @/ `+ a4 X- p( ~& J> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: b" M0 s: R# e5 W% m
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
4 _! h( W- t8 X" p9 H5 }> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* O4 i. P- a% V& D/ b* O
> > hour early.
8 W7 R3 \: X. g' f Y> >( E3 {" l0 B- I3 [/ m
> > Toilet Use
( B: N1 V5 _* z4 f' U! B) T> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) ~; d- ~+ i% n0 [
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 t" F4 V8 w( k> > in the cubicles.
* u( y" _/ X- f> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% _8 `) A9 v" d3 h> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- j1 x* I- S; Q! n
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
M/ U' u: Z: o+ k> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* C2 K$ x4 q( Y0 }2 m8 ]+ p
> > posted on the company notice board under the
) M4 Y6 [3 Q' k8 y9 ]7 E2 b> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: E: {" O5 W7 e! i! N' K$ ^
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 J- ^ ~( H% ~0 P( o( O, c2 c! Q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 s' d- i+ Q! M% E4 d9 n" l" ?9 U' [> > policy.( p9 j# ~9 K9 E4 z
> >
9 ]' i! B: k! W V# C> > Lunch Break3 V: G. w' y; O% E/ Q4 f4 a2 i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 A% @6 ~+ K8 G* E9 l7 b> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# G. z, u. d# G. i- ? m! n: M
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
( D8 z K0 [8 X! t2 H. u> > maintain their average figure.
; S/ g# n* Q& V. u6 Y0 T1 A8 ?9 M3 V> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 Z4 u. ~9 j; U& I; Q$ P7 z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 N: t) g2 ?9 ?- i+ q u' b, k
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
8 o) x: B+ f0 o4 a3 S> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. u% W7 r3 j+ @0 e) C2 o, l
> > employment experience.0 V1 k. w/ p6 T8 ]1 w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& R% o( B8 d# }" x6 w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 y! |9 Q' m: i! e
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* f" o) e$ ^- k6 N! Z
> > directed elsewhere. |
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