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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:9 D7 {5 e+ \) Q0 ^1 V. L
> > Effective January 2007
4 w, F7 Q# _# y9 ]4 U> >
7 e/ v9 g4 G/ ]: e b3 s% K) R> > Dress Code& v, i% v2 ~: _1 S. R$ D+ T
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ G" V. `3 m6 ^2 x- `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 Q/ Y! g! j& b+ s+ J/ l+ g" P
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( F# a1 ]) G) K0 t
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
. d- T3 C7 Q1 U9 q# B& x4 U> > need a pay raise.
+ e+ b8 l! O, j5 O y( c! E- `> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# P0 {/ e- Y3 d X> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
$ ?' Y6 @' [3 K8 p& l7 D, D> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 J, S7 o' W+ j+ T; r> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) \; e% N' W0 R) @" |" R' p+ d+ N> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. ]( Y7 t/ v9 U. \! F> > raise.* ]* m% H2 C" m+ b8 H
> >
Q& l# P B2 G+ q> > Sick Days
) {2 c9 z5 j# j b. V) Y> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# |4 G# K4 p' E! q+ L) s, C
> > proof of sickness.
2 V2 N( x# v/ v3 o0 y# T3 {> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 i7 \- h5 m; F% b7 D7 d1 |> > to come to work.
8 B- Q5 G" |& N" Q1 p! K, b: [; ? \# z> >
' y4 A9 @3 ^0 ^- S0 n( l \& b> > Holiday Days2 R% ^$ H0 M: r+ T7 r3 A" o8 g; Z1 V6 l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 ?2 \+ U" f+ m& j) ~ q9 W5 n$ P& M
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
. L) e1 Y; a4 ~> >
. O* T+ f, C; z, |: x. r# b1 {; R> > Compassionate Leave' {6 o0 q) h2 h1 M7 D
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 P2 S0 }! M( J7 K b> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, n: K [" f: l+ p, z4 ]+ ]0 ?2 t
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 f) m$ s! G* U+ M8 c> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 V' D* J$ Q! C3 N- ^
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 K% b1 B7 J- T% p+ }6 j
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* B) j7 j r3 L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work7 H( n# @) A" w# E0 A
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 \5 b$ n/ e( y9 i
> > hour early.; A8 q2 R) z* b) _% r* W0 b3 q. f
> >$ g( q% x$ N+ X5 k- X9 r1 L" P
> > Toilet Use: U# q2 H, K# F; G" E; F0 r
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# h8 c7 E5 l1 ~2 U" M
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- c/ w. z0 R$ P p, r# `$ u; G( c4 ]
> > in the cubicles.* t }8 |$ r" d, H& H
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; ^2 _3 g/ T' Z, L6 v9 r> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 h6 _0 \7 S: Q9 Y- _0 f0 z# G> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% y/ D m) `- j) K# f> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" y4 e' U1 v) z+ o
> > posted on the company notice board under the
- P( x, K, E" o. P. S. E> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
8 x# f- y o4 K& Z9 z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! _8 ]* r" J/ ?
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& l( h: @8 s/ d& e& |) r' i- f8 D8 a. t
> > policy.
( ]0 ? m1 G+ r& S9 l$ N> >: V8 U1 L6 t' z& r
> > Lunch Break
' L2 Y3 l; Y' y: E> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
1 T& @1 b, E8 ~ Y- I> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
T5 L7 a: b5 C# R! R' Z+ D( R: y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) t5 k# U, v; |0 }8 f; Z
> > maintain their average figure.
+ w( s7 H5 t7 x) `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 [) ^( U# ?2 J8 I$ l
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* U, ^+ I5 B8 f$ j* M- H> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, p4 L x4 `9 n: M8 L! V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive b8 ?" c9 e2 l% j& o
> > employment experience.
$ G4 A# ?+ w( X> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' w4 [' e5 B2 @% O8 Y" g> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
6 C' p' d( F: @, h/ O> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
^6 B) _* F) v6 ]2 t> > directed elsewhere. |
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