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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:* I- b: e0 F9 U* f( N7 F, S
> > Effective January 2007
5 u& M; b( U z+ U, E1 z> >& V! z4 o& u5 u/ _, h" g
> > Dress Code
# k4 x k+ S( {> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
6 ^: ]: J( N& e> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
0 a6 }* N+ ?. q9 N* e. Z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" B" Y& _" V$ ]" t' ^> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' J( f x* m: f ?+ R1 o> > need a pay raise.
1 I7 m8 X& v! o/ j7 c) s> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) c- }3 N; ~, o3 O> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 }9 l5 ^1 Z: y+ j
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) C* h! n4 v, m; L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: e5 d4 S6 w `: O5 x
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay, K8 |" Q2 @" {& P
> > raise.6 ?+ c8 x* K% q! Y |" f- E& l# v( n
> ># U0 ^+ m( M T
> > Sick Days
& Y0 K) K5 C& a4 h, _, Y> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! e, l9 t/ g5 J7 Z- E& ?0 M
> > proof of sickness.
x0 T W K5 o> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 C S( r: Z+ h# c& V> > to come to work.$ s6 l, B% ?2 e) g" W0 l
> >
3 F9 {, E* w; ^1 u> > Holiday Days% \) e8 l% E3 q# t& O( n1 w/ y. A& g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
1 u6 s8 m; f& x9 w/ D2 R7 q6 G> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; P- s( v" l' B( o" v> >
9 V# I/ X3 ]3 r/ m0 G2 ]9 i> > Compassionate Leave
+ ^: Z8 x5 L; B. c3 ~9 \+ ^> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: _0 z/ ^; |7 Y9 c
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* e; [* A. A3 Z1 ?- H> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! H9 t6 R L8 `2 q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 G/ F/ `1 ^6 M: j h
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: ?/ l3 y$ C$ u/ g0 E0 {2 s$ k# i
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& r: e7 l F; m6 _2 w# {) a> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
, P9 Q' ?" }$ ]* L- H! a; A& S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: _5 _* @8 [# \* t! l' Y0 e9 I> > hour early.
9 n _, a0 H+ e6 l8 |2 k! O8 [5 s> >- a1 \" K3 ?' j' @4 W6 @
> > Toilet Use
: H+ M3 y" d; j& J+ @> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
8 l4 ~$ M) h3 Q* z' Q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! q" Y: d4 h+ U" _. L
> > in the cubicles.# J1 B$ ^- W7 B5 O2 q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* N" o! E* M( o. n4 p
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( h: ^+ C# n+ k# T# z2 M> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 t7 h& X" i6 N- |
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 p* A* O8 j2 a! ^7 F8 U: ?- @> > posted on the company notice board under the
; y/ R p6 }; J4 Q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. | }/ y3 B/ s- G7 X7 ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 ^+ k# R2 r1 }3 O7 @> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: _9 Z+ z) X# V/ o* y8 |> > policy.
R2 @* g6 \- V5 _> >
7 S' O H( a7 Y> > Lunch Break
% Y/ s5 w4 M' I* c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) G+ Z1 \/ h E* u3 R
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ \) ]+ o1 c% X7 j
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! N. v) r3 }6 H3 l7 C> > maintain their average figure.: T6 [0 Z+ m7 L+ U9 d, y* Z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
) Z, o& I0 N+ j& K( W4 V7 L> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 @4 E- |3 `4 B& L4 R3 {! w T7 _
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 I0 O8 r/ H0 C* m2 x" W4 D> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ N0 _+ Z( X, F6 p9 V$ m. {% F/ y1 s; y' z> > employment experience.% B; @: r+ H* S) V. t
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' Y7 r# B( t) t/ {1 x! C' U> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( t* a8 K# _) h8 z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% a& G, Q# w6 K0 F> > directed elsewhere. |
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