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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:# y, h, O- ]# X5 o+ ^+ V6 y
> > Effective January 2007
( {2 K/ |2 `% c4 A% K> >7 v- r! N Z: e& M$ g4 C. q
> > Dress Code
; d1 E" P) Y# I2 i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
5 ^- P9 e+ Y$ @) Z- h1 V> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ z7 z7 l6 u% t; f0 i' X$ g8 J
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ y" o$ o% x+ @- V% l2 h6 w5 y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: F4 B% S6 P# ^- Y* t: g* R> > need a pay raise.
4 b4 \; K |1 B G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
" e# o$ A/ u1 j: {> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" z" X, `/ [! D" [6 C9 d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ k7 h4 l" A' h5 i; }( L9 p
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: b' l& R) `/ }
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: h0 W8 O8 A+ ~' z5 H q
> > raise.
% b5 X8 P2 U, R> >
9 X. `$ h0 l0 k6 v7 g% H D> > Sick Days: k6 Y/ r& k+ u# a7 ]
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: _- I; Z% o) J k( [8 ^
> > proof of sickness.
) u4 d! c* C1 p$ |& L, {1 r4 l/ f7 {> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2 _# d7 c8 I( I+ Y6 r& P' S- F
> > to come to work.+ m2 |% s0 Y& h: v( D9 a
> >
& S7 P# j6 e0 |% ^( ^4 b> > Holiday Days9 L" _4 A- i/ E# e Z$ \
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 \6 @, f0 i9 G* @' q0 u% r) v> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
j, Y: e: H x8 x8 J* V> >: x; Q3 u$ s; Z2 N
> > Compassionate Leave
4 E' C& P5 K4 Q O: a: {' S> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) `4 t, L& F: f5 O7 Y1 K% t> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 Q# `4 l/ m! ]
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( ]& {3 v K9 \5 [- g7 f
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 m/ l8 |. ^9 A9 i, V- r> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& F8 O! V% a; o/ {/ S. N
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* ]& h0 M2 U$ [, _2 Z: p2 p> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 l6 N% o2 t/ l; R: \- u> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
4 D1 V7 x5 r6 V$ Y> > hour early.
2 [& O( j' N" h: [( N: `2 L> >
7 L- S$ f2 f4 A> > Toilet Use
9 g! f8 y+ O9 p4 T1 K) F! J: e6 m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 w6 r+ O5 w# I) K$ H% D5 A2 b
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ { V& K5 g- O5 ^2 z- W/ g
> > in the cubicles./ r" |, t# U S$ p. ~# @6 ?
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 ?1 A+ N, r" ]; t$ X+ d$ S> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) J3 n) h2 x+ H> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( [7 F# X v) k- h0 v> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
. N7 Q; @7 g i& w0 \# P8 t> > posted on the company notice board under the
' b: ]5 J9 d* |9 S> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 {/ h. ?+ J" r2 B7 S+ @
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, v' \7 f+ e0 o
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health) h H5 b4 n6 ^+ O6 s( D: F
> > policy. W$ t; x, j2 s7 N5 a% `# }9 g# y
> >
0 ] W" N# n; c0 o+ ~2 |7 r5 B) h> > Lunch Break
& S. F2 }, a8 H3 C# i> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 L. z0 N% Y) S/ Q2 h
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; _0 y/ E1 Q/ f% B) X> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* @" _5 S. y6 O/ C4 e, X& r- z
> > maintain their average figure.
" b* t- G( y. `! ]3 {8 e" d6 G- }: s d> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 V% `5 c* B- D- h+ u$ Z- v
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& h L4 V7 S3 p( S
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 }5 u4 q% e! u# L+ b0 E
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ ?" A6 c; {8 k+ n" t> > employment experience.
1 a2 Y* @4 `% {" ?8 X> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ v9 a3 v& ], y- E& I* Q7 u4 m
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," ~8 N9 V* ^& v, x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 u3 m+ P0 V$ A4 O; }9 C
> > directed elsewhere. |
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