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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
# R( {/ J/ C2 s7 i f- O6 g> > Effective January 2007
+ A4 B! ]* o1 a$ y' ?9 M> >
4 H% f; O0 |- U" x3 o> > Dress Code; H: H! L) C6 r1 Q$ r) {! o- s
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 J6 T5 Z/ o# m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- f' C, M S- j& v> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume m5 z# D) @3 E2 K: [/ K
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% G) F. w) J' y! M% |; H
> > need a pay raise.) f( ]: t+ z+ e, K5 R( j8 y2 {% @
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" z0 I3 q6 O/ X6 H, q# v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer/ @2 n, h0 ]& V$ h
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 j$ V0 Z' R7 n: y5 Y. y. O> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you' c2 q' X1 N' g" x) ]
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: ?1 D" J6 N" n L> > raise.0 l# B& E% ?. C5 M
> >3 u& }% R% t# ~
> > Sick Days4 }9 i. b. Y' m: x$ q7 @. E
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 [7 P2 ^ J' K' z> > proof of sickness., g/ E! Y! A' |) V
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
?& l+ v6 R# p2 @> > to come to work.
# i m: f" L8 a8 R. a# M, _3 P2 t) E> >
4 K1 L9 ]& \; }0 S> > Holiday Days
+ l/ Z* M, _2 F' J> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: f+ e, ^+ N; ~
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 s- {* Z" z, u
> > o7 q! V1 ~/ {# o: K# [
> > Compassionate Leave
) N2 g7 U; |) a3 ]7 r> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing `: y0 h& p. ?% x! |7 w9 R& e5 e, Q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 S* N8 i1 ]: }7 m
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( U7 B `. d! g, N3 s+ u9 A> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 O; Q( ?, b4 Q$ ^
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) }$ t* X- T/ S+ K' L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! t: Q) w' I) Q3 z+ u3 t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 w4 v4 O5 _5 Y& d& S
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& P! J; w3 Z& U3 z: K; w7 U9 x" ?
> > hour early.
4 g0 I& R3 c( m4 o- q> >' e, ?9 y2 x' k2 P
> > Toilet Use
- S; ~: x- d2 f' p> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 k" L$ T* q6 O% I" e
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ }0 W) O$ i: E- m& ]7 c' z> > in the cubicles.
4 t& R; s, x* u> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. q9 }' i3 \" D; d' r/ E$ @+ f
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# e1 ~* t' U1 c3 z+ O> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& A, J/ c# u+ u3 Y/ F l
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 e0 G( A0 r! i" \9 r> > posted on the company notice board under the0 v+ e2 b4 { R2 s- B
> > "Chronic Offenders" category." u; z6 G# t9 F( h! B
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
" V4 i6 d3 u) m. c) L l; t. {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 ^- k9 S: r0 A3 w( Q> > policy.% e# C% [. Y& a5 `6 ^0 o) n! j
> >! Q- `, y7 x4 O8 N# v
> > Lunch Break
4 |, K4 U. t p9 |. |> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: L2 H% D, @. l4 X> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., g- y. v$ c% i
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% t( g3 n' J* x$ y' x
> > maintain their average figure.6 H3 e7 h1 @( L' Y# G7 ^$ H" \
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time0 N2 P( j0 d9 }* O! h9 t2 `# u- p
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 F* P# l5 ]2 ], z# W5 R4 W
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
8 R, O) z0 ?5 N C8 G/ n: D$ {& a> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
4 B# E* @* k& d5 Q> > employment experience.
$ [$ `4 @8 M$ f& _. t$ H Y> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! b3 T( C" [6 w> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( @; n9 @: N0 G' s) Q0 I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
4 ]1 t; g! G" j> > directed elsewhere. |
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