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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
1 p7 a6 z9 K: t2 Q2 ]> > Effective January 2007
& h" O" j/ P2 L> >
5 Q$ a, y- U% S Y> > Dress Code T- u; a' _; N% \
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed c: ~, c# z3 N. y. ?3 |
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 R& {/ V' P' q5 |
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
5 J8 o; |; M1 b; W$ z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 f8 F. c0 F9 }5 l% L' ]> > need a pay raise.
% U, O' @# t, r! A6 v) Z# [8 w> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
7 S: L" `) k. u) X/ g" G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. Y, K" y& @* q8 z* {> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.& ?( k. k2 ^' v% f* @- W0 ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% C. H( D7 k) G! }6 U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 G4 F5 O% ^, l) q$ [> > raise.
3 u7 O# d; D# L> >9 r% g I( C2 y6 a: \4 u
> > Sick Days$ z" [ W$ D: v! q+ U! I, E. U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- A) |4 m: K2 c6 y: w
> > proof of sickness.
% \; \" `" [! W/ d" I. w> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# @% S0 C% n [8 p* c
> > to come to work.
$ q2 e& j! E' F" R6 H. R% I% ]> >
7 P. ?. X3 ]( [7 X& @' d> > Holiday Days
: p. k2 D0 q) S4 l Z* u> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 B5 x( t# h0 V$ g m0 l) P9 v9 b4 K
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ N) N+ T" h0 S3 ]> >6 h K+ U( E7 c l( T0 e7 q8 ?
> > Compassionate Leave) Q7 |: s) }: g6 F
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) w* X2 G! Z) X) G' J" ]' ]3 u( Q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: ~& j% L, { |> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 R8 \! F2 I5 v3 y/ |8 `
> > employees attend to the arrangements.- }2 L. s% Y: U7 }, o
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
0 U1 t( b8 R. |/ a, C> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; M1 j: L V S$ Q1 c0 W, x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 r4 @. A% A/ j( V C9 K3 _> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one# f! g e1 L0 O
> > hour early.
2 @5 q! @3 h6 r8 v" f% P/ w5 B> >" S" h7 w1 Q/ q+ g" a+ g9 Q
> > Toilet Use
A9 J/ E4 X) V/ E) ?$ [7 }; _> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& H& c, w4 E- T/ S! Y7 w2 o$ q5 L# r
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit% v1 f, w) Y1 b2 x' N7 Y
> > in the cubicles.3 y) Y: I! p7 j, n; `: ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& _! ~& _0 k# u* M, ]
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! j, ` c# p( A; h7 l7 r, d
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ E# I9 r1 J! `. j. Y# ?8 x' l! N c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; g3 i5 j e# A+ ]' ?
> > posted on the company notice board under the9 }0 }5 ]. @/ v$ F5 ] M
> > "Chronic Offenders" category., o* l2 R9 F5 D ?! {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: [8 H& a* f5 }> > sanctioned under the company's mental health5 t6 g$ g: P6 U, b
> > policy.0 `7 V7 |. _2 C: ]" w V* d
> >
9 i9 J C, Q0 A2 h> > Lunch Break
- y- G& k0 \6 N8 Q> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; e4 {9 S! r3 j9 ] B' y( |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ p* B$ o4 o$ m3 N
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to |" l; K, O8 z; v
> > maintain their average figure.
; y2 A; m5 A& V' u0 v O( y) d> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* @1 @5 B# p' ~. ]7 ]> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& x O) J1 l5 l, k0 Z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* c7 ^# |% e' h/ G: ~
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) Z$ c) a% X% q |/ r- G: u: ?# s% k> > employment experience.$ j# ^' J; v; b$ V
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,; t" r8 s9 l: s+ T1 h% B
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( N/ c$ n2 u, |- ~. m
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be \0 o3 W3 U: |2 X& _% G' }
> > directed elsewhere. |
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