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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:' c' H. O6 g% G+ ?7 f# q4 M. A. `
> > Effective January 20079 `9 u& k, Z. B* [ S* s0 d. J# B
> >1 S* ^ B, W9 r$ o2 }6 C, X+ [8 p+ u. y) F
> > Dress Code; Y% G! }1 }' e8 q- Z
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: t9 b5 q: I( P% D0 K* T
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing v5 K( n8 ^5 v3 u: _) j
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! [# y4 D1 q0 U' U> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 B7 ^: {0 j/ E" v0 P5 t> > need a pay raise.
( C9 j: t8 x) e3 ]0 |> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ e* ~5 s# A" ~3 p; }
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
' x7 G- H- S% y1 H' [> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* [+ B7 E- r. S- {8 x* M> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! R+ L! f% o% y. [& ?5 j% D
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 c& m! i) Q8 k1 l> > raise.: K/ \- H) T5 r% [1 ?% G" ~
> >* y) z# ~+ F% @4 b
> > Sick Days1 n5 U9 {% W4 b1 c) F' T8 D m
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ U% p0 V# d0 u9 @( @> > proof of sickness.
3 d+ D# c: w4 L/ d! M# L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2 V! _+ V5 j5 j' C" E; h
> > to come to work.) W1 j3 T! |7 c1 _% {' J- n' `8 V1 h
> >. `- Q0 B* @) D3 T# D o- F+ y
> > Holiday Days
$ \6 \3 K6 K: L8 a8 x _/ h9 u# p> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 y1 v0 i, G$ Y9 d* `9 l8 Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ N) d% {1 c8 i& _/ \! I t9 Z% U> >% W2 r3 E4 x, J& ^: E
> > Compassionate Leave R O; m7 x; [5 O! I3 v* \
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) |2 K2 J# J6 p" ]- G' b9 j5 P6 F> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 X& `: J+ p+ P$ S" k/ Q" \> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. K0 f7 n% _5 P2 a0 f4 r1 ^; m> > employees attend to the arrangements." v! ^( M' ]' k$ \9 h
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 q* F4 `0 ]' d" d
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. S# \* j7 c/ I4 p! ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 Y n2 u+ R; @: n9 i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one! l( \! g" Z' I) H' z
> > hour early.
, P4 [* \3 R9 Q. j/ c> >2 B* p- b" P, B; a9 T
> > Toilet Use
0 E2 j; E: g7 A6 h+ f) r$ R> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ F; q r3 {, c& H& {
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; \ f# @$ W8 y
> > in the cubicles.) A( o& Y* |, @, N1 j
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& s2 i; Z$ c0 a& N+ t, U& f> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! J! j6 X0 g/ H' z- `: J
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 ]/ ^! K, t, m- h> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be- z: E4 G" B% R& ]/ f5 \+ t
> > posted on the company notice board under the
' P5 ?1 J4 h- d& m5 T" g# k5 |> > "Chronic Offenders" category." n2 I9 c, z2 N' X6 W& W0 Q! N
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be* c' @1 T/ C; H b/ l1 i+ W1 c
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ r! f: u4 O2 I- H7 }> > policy." i4 N5 M9 ?) i0 X: g7 k @
> >
/ n% g- P1 T9 E8 b% m> > Lunch Break
# [- l8 r, z0 j, a> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- ]& ~2 W; M) q4 |8 d9 S# y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. I1 ?9 R7 u0 S# m3 j3 a> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; O$ l! _/ n# l5 G% i$ c> > maintain their average figure.
- x& \% w. ?* e> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 w+ G5 y" A. \8 p0 H+ X, s9 i> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.( i/ X7 N8 p- l
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! \& {; Q" K! o! b
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 [6 p8 M! ? d3 L
> > employment experience.3 \+ K2 y0 Y. h6 ~
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, u" P( N6 H# |6 {9 g" J# @* r5 ?> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
/ G# p s( A% _0 r0 Q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 H* j1 A B: J( {: P3 o( }> > directed elsewhere. |
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