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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
# m% \, u' T: ? c8 Q" w> > Effective January 2007
3 K! t) B% D" E, _, H> >; j+ T1 G" u0 s
> > Dress Code
$ W1 N& L: I# h) T5 ^4 y# ~% G> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* g2 h6 g% w9 u
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" f2 f" _. _6 S2 N* @4 ?
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" z+ J/ B- F9 e }) l1 h, w1 F! K> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( e) a I3 b7 M- }
> > need a pay raise.4 o$ s) p) K9 s" F) A8 T$ N H4 x% m! H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 D& t3 s8 o% o- I% G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 q; S, s; O( Q+ M1 Y3 {4 n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
/ C( N2 L; U7 }; u/ j/ v> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( Z6 F% O! g' S) g> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ z0 L" y- R3 G
> > raise.; S4 f, C, a" \* g+ Q; y
> >- L9 f7 ?+ ]3 x$ c' _
> > Sick Days
; b5 T$ U2 B# A# q9 j( N> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; F" W) F0 T5 K' o1 Q6 u7 m
> > proof of sickness.* E) ?& V5 P @! |6 K2 v
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! F* m7 V; M5 ?: H" s: p$ d; c> > to come to work.2 Q A5 W/ m( b+ ~! u h$ A1 j! ~) n8 M
> >1 U$ X/ A* _1 `0 ^8 f* E: g4 w
> > Holiday Days8 m0 j% E7 u3 x, w
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 n; B' q( W }8 y) K4 }> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
# f9 P) O, \$ B% z. ?% ^3 f; g" m/ g> >( F- e$ p5 A- _9 |8 Y
> > Compassionate Leave
8 S: l7 L/ L# N9 ?$ C* _: N+ C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 s5 r! ~1 t! b
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" n; v, C/ [5 b$ Y# n/ I
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
, y; e7 x% v: I> > employees attend to the arrangements.: p+ Q" O4 j6 C- G. u) G! F1 w
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" v+ I- }# ?; Y. O6 t8 ]> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. x& z) e2 f0 `. R
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' s0 x% t3 ^, V6 k" r> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ ?4 l4 P" `1 I# j> > hour early.. ~6 G/ U5 [# ~; j
> >; }& T0 u w* A/ I0 ~( d
> > Toilet Use
4 Z" s. @6 e/ K n/ g> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 L$ v0 I, g T> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 D8 i, P: j+ {( C. K* o% o8 d) T1 `
> > in the cubicles.
, Q" `5 E% P* A, e4 n6 N! J> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# L7 {) N- T6 A) b* f" ^> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 k* p# `$ H: Q$ [3 E0 L. Y# c> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% ^- ]4 t! P( d4 V> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# |; g/ C- I) { X, e a; d
> > posted on the company notice board under the
3 g) F8 ?8 F1 g7 M> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. W- k# g2 z5 u( ]> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# @* h4 e2 V0 R0 v7 l
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health2 b1 h% ^) k( O7 x) L
> > policy." \. h2 ?( |" l) ?$ Z/ E9 u
> >
3 V7 t( I8 u; G1 [5 U) q, v7 P> > Lunch Break
c5 |/ p* j3 n, j2 K; Q$ `> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) H2 a& H0 ?: l f- o
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 S5 _- n; r! v2 a; b
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ U H! K0 a7 w9 g5 t- B- ?
> > maintain their average figure.
) V$ F$ O/ J! T# c, q> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ ^9 q7 Z+ ^) G, s! I4 W, x4 v4 v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 K- i; k" m; C+ N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! J; `. p9 f) n> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# S9 V T7 @( j7 f: \) e& L
> > employment experience.
4 I$ l# e! W/ Q! Q1 @" k" U> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ o$ R+ s! S6 \& L1 t
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# D+ x2 e% w. j W, S3 z9 f6 I, Z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! `$ |* A/ Y7 W5 e& L0 T2 I> > directed elsewhere. |
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