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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
7 [, _7 r' G8 a' {9 I> > Effective January 2007
& V4 a+ Z, W. T% a9 J0 T> >' N& ~ W: V6 U. W# r- ?. j' }
> > Dress Code
/ n. y) M2 z, x: q& A> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ f6 ^3 f, a, j2 ^" J; W# u> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 W' e2 I9 o8 D0 f$ C
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 N& v, e" @6 v! x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 C5 ?' k3 Y3 t; G1 y% Z
> > need a pay raise.
- I7 J+ s. [( H* V! e$ I> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ n0 _5 r( l/ }$ M4 ?9 ]& m> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! T7 r# K0 e' F; t* l M, e# g. Z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* ^; p" J8 e, G6 o u7 k9 b
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 R$ M# ?5 Z) C7 M' F5 ?+ M; c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; O; J0 u! F4 R/ Y( q
> > raise.
4 g$ k8 P# x j% @> >0 E* A) Y. _" F' \' u
> > Sick Days' N2 W6 {) j8 R$ P! Y+ {$ ?2 u6 [
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. J+ N6 X y5 m# Z$ @, c1 _1 @- g> > proof of sickness.
: a7 a( A2 A# Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 H3 q3 ^' r9 |$ L8 L6 P5 R> > to come to work.- U2 @& L$ l1 Z" F
> >1 W, K* q6 v; b0 a# k; }
> > Holiday Days- _2 P% \& b. q" ~$ T
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& Q+ F6 t, e6 g0 }% z, e5 S/ ~
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( \1 } Z8 I3 g( E9 b; F4 |
> >
% w) o o$ Y: U; W> > Compassionate Leave4 m* j* {6 U. G# O2 ]
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. }& a# `; }7 U; ~# e
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- @: g! A# p" [% K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- u/ n4 L5 q& u6 K4 C
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
; A- h) Y9 i" A7 `+ s, P> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' Y& n' d- \$ C9 Z
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
2 ]8 f1 H7 Z- C* Y+ H. ]> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" ], g$ t8 f; L* |9 S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
% i# B- n( r+ d> > hour early.( g) l7 \) k$ h' r! f' W# N2 I V
> >
+ }- }) I2 z2 Y% }> > Toilet Use5 m2 l* q3 `" }! ~( Q& }' a
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 v2 r2 N2 m& T& Q c _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- J9 g2 @# ^" _- c
> > in the cubicles.8 ?3 R/ K& O t; c# b
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will: o- t$ S$ h A! _* J/ t& _
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- m% t% w1 f) }& @ y> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.6 I5 B [7 O! m
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# @4 E X. E: @ q9 x; [# C> > posted on the company notice board under the2 n5 }' d- D" ^% m
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- X5 J' t+ x/ \1 N> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 F% ]1 Z7 }- P- J
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 f( }& |3 e2 r) q( t) C
> > policy.
5 h" b9 _+ n' Y: g9 J> >0 @& }+ W* G. U; W, Z4 T
> > Lunch Break4 d, T* t& ~+ M+ Z
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% d6 O; n- @. q( w- b
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( [: {* ?6 Y: F9 i- o9 U- M. d6 }
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 g4 B( w( j y! b) y) p> > maintain their average figure.
, J3 U7 n3 t+ A1 j0 s! I: ^9 x6 I1 U> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* Z5 [$ L# _$ \- e9 [: V% m> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." N1 J6 e7 [3 b. c) l6 b
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. j4 `3 v" @; E+ F3 L6 N> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 e Z# r" v2 o$ Q( n6 J8 K> > employment experience., s, S* ^% t- Z6 E; X; M
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 a# k0 l5 R# w3 m' N* b5 q& V> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, T9 ]" A* {4 N7 L
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be |" l6 p# U3 B3 ~% f
> > directed elsewhere. |
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