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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:+ M( x9 k( K: T1 L/ @5 F8 f: q7 V5 S
> > Effective January 2007
+ N% R) M: g9 `0 X> >
# ~; Y$ X# ~6 t L. O# A' x( v: d8 p> > Dress Code
8 ~5 @3 W& A; o: E+ r> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ X- i' c$ ^3 e
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 a/ E4 J' k, t
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. B" o8 ?; |: o4 G2 ] Y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 j/ P" _# ?' f& r/ H5 \5 M> > need a pay raise.
3 E, Q1 z4 p+ O! S E> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) K, O7 A! E" x+ O1 v7 I# z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ C1 Y3 D, t4 l4 L/ ?> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- Z0 {, V3 ]! k% O> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 m4 p, X5 ~, I> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay. Z4 `) K1 a- |& v# S
> > raise.
$ q7 u$ h% l: b1 O# G> >
$ [ Q9 {9 `2 g; u+ n* g> > Sick Days4 \7 S& h* }8 j. [
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 d+ x9 f% ^6 B# S- z$ d x+ v% r
> > proof of sickness.
0 N( V, Q, V( C- E4 Z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 m, A7 W1 J3 ^" @) x- \; {! `# @9 u
> > to come to work.
6 |0 I$ q) {# M4 w* ?> >
# I) P ~! t6 t. q) x' z> > Holiday Days* V9 N" l4 `" B/ d1 ]
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" J2 N7 z/ |$ E8 v4 t( a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 q1 }: B! g/ u+ ~/ y4 ]
> >3 `7 t' |7 Q' \/ _9 M6 n: ^
> > Compassionate Leave: h, r9 u# F4 h% L7 a) ^% d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* `# ?5 z7 G: W6 z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
/ T0 }1 x% d F9 y. a> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
1 {! B0 C5 l8 F5 B& n! U& d> > employees attend to the arrangements.& J) m5 K4 {: w0 c; a
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: ?3 g9 u2 y7 S/ L> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% F, h. N' S7 K7 u! k8 C
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' j% _5 R8 g$ A( F4 ~/ o C9 x0 J
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& ]- z. S2 |0 ~& E9 Y; b" i2 {( U+ ]
> > hour early.
% I9 L( K9 O# a, p$ ~ R: l> >0 m# i5 e& h" w# A
> > Toilet Use+ a+ u4 \' N6 G2 K3 Z" U
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 d$ E$ C4 T8 g) r" t
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( f/ M6 {7 k1 m# N+ D> > in the cubicles.! V! h% ~9 E4 s2 N% i# y ?7 q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will4 T% Q$ F% e0 {, \ f
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 h) ^7 O7 g5 ?> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 V7 S, h; a) y8 Y& A> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: i7 y3 d y8 Q
> > posted on the company notice board under the
1 y' j. B2 ]; u> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 @6 a9 E9 N( ] d6 H
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 {, Z8 D) S& q/ U2 \# N
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health" K1 G; w7 |0 V% r3 x
> > policy.1 e, [2 C) I% f. N; C6 A9 i
> >
, R" g0 t1 ?4 K7 P4 r> > Lunch Break
* k1 f- m" Q9 ] a( y& [> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 M: V% {. \0 n- h2 j5 S> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Q. Y1 P V% I/ o> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 N6 V5 G, z/ }' x
> > maintain their average figure.
8 r( L# q+ d% S, O4 R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% s) ^0 c; M! g, H+ N> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. N' e; P1 o5 ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ D" `' d3 E9 q* c, m( e> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# E# k0 ?8 V, U& A" U8 A/ ?% M* X( u> > employment experience.
# P6 ^# h; r5 _' |! p> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
6 l4 B9 K% `3 ^/ F6 }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 R5 x n5 R4 r' `* J
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. G3 d+ F: h& e2 L% I+ U> > directed elsewhere. |
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