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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:8 l4 B5 z) D0 d/ U) Y
> > Effective January 2007
3 {% y" `( p' q5 P5 o. o/ l. ]> >) p2 `1 `- G% |' c
> > Dress Code
# I, F/ F0 I& q8 r5 I6 \> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed1 W( y. B( m4 k' {0 Y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( y* [6 `# g+ H: ~
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
; u. v& F0 D1 U$ _, ?. ?- @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( }+ Q6 M% y/ E' L5 s
> > need a pay raise.1 t8 T$ @9 _1 c" {- X9 P% c' O
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" s) w9 V9 `9 [
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 E0 p& G2 a/ N
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 ]3 {- r; u0 S/ F3 O> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
6 I' ]) X4 g" L" {/ Y9 Q4 u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' X, V3 p) B1 U3 P% z' S( l> > raise.0 J6 g( q1 V4 q$ r! N6 y
> >% c/ N& d8 Q7 j
> > Sick Days0 @5 w& }8 o0 r4 A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( l) o3 {" e' s. b% L; P. F
> > proof of sickness.
. R O! ^; O! c- }9 k6 N> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: _' ^( q& T# A0 c) u* T* M D n
> > to come to work.3 Q+ P# V0 e6 }9 C# c. Y
> >; `7 m* @6 S6 O' d Z2 J
> > Holiday Days. w4 ^; B" P% @$ |- w* b+ B
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 L# D" P. q" J3 G( |% X> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
5 c6 Y; v4 Q' r) n1 l) o> >* B" P6 g6 |- R: L
> > Compassionate Leave
7 \2 S6 E5 b! J# X> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- L* S8 Q. H- P- _
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 S- R$ }; f2 G/ f. e! I> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- R* U: X* T8 `" d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ s) R$ ], N# O6 S {5 a: Y4 @
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( z( A0 x6 S6 z# X& E1 c% f
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 l# d6 k( C# P5 w
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) J8 L9 Q9 W& y! a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; v& y" F; f* J: U
> > hour early.7 t9 `$ Y* J) n" G
> >1 C& d- _8 d" ?3 v. M
> > Toilet Use9 d) d7 t u) ]- x3 E
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# `* p8 ^0 J' p2 v, V" z" U3 g/ f> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 T- J9 `. s6 V6 G
> > in the cubicles.
" X: h* y( R0 ]1 V0 z" J& o0 N> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 i6 p# v7 C& |0 a4 E- m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ {. S$ X4 e- ], l> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: t$ ^. O# m5 ?> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be0 f) q3 X8 k/ p; w) K
> > posted on the company notice board under the5 T( B( G; j( X, W k# {
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
! c3 s0 t" [# W! L7 w: a> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
5 Y- b, U; E! ^; |> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; {3 S1 F N- t* M> > policy.
4 K- n0 i2 {/ e4 Y' `3 O+ }7 s7 F# j+ _> > n8 y) l0 ^- J. c% D Q
> > Lunch Break
) H& B; C$ B* R; v2 C8 `> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 \" u* S9 {4 Y/ L> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( M& j; |* Q; {! H
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
3 n e* p7 r, p> > maintain their average figure., `/ j6 I, E4 M w3 r* k
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# L6 d n- E$ X# q
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
) C; X2 G2 \7 n- ?3 p4 S3 y. J> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 o3 _9 ?" ~+ H0 f/ K& p! ]# j
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, g* d* x/ o8 k; v+ r> > employment experience.) a6 U% M' E$ x* `2 R
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 \, j4 ^! O/ {$ r
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ x" B$ b6 L0 ~$ W7 @$ ?) I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( }! S7 K( g6 r+ i+ P7 B8 s7 e! P: I> > directed elsewhere. |
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