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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:" N+ x' Y6 W* v" h# Y
> > Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
: p/ {! W- _% a3 ?> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) r4 T$ k3 L w! K i+ a( e9 I
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
) x3 I1 ?9 Q2 _) g/ ~; A& ^> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume6 K j1 L- c1 {/ h# L* N
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not: w( A o4 F9 ?) z! T* s7 a
> > need a pay raise.
, l) G; f$ ]/ r1 i7 ~> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 G0 U0 }7 s/ u3 W* G" {- F
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) r) g) J0 i1 ?: x C! S
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ M. t. {/ {9 t g- w> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ s) |( l$ m5 M8 `7 d0 o% @) _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ ?6 V9 e' B- @4 f/ W3 V# d3 x0 v
> > raise.
9 e5 C6 M+ p% Q) N* m> >
2 Q; R- [ C5 \0 B> > Sick Days
% V( f' p. Z! D A# d7 r5 W! s> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% q* h7 @/ [; N5 U" T( h6 V3 b2 K> > proof of sickness.3 g& f( d! W: b9 D
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 p: R0 R) x% u) y* D) @
> > to come to work.
6 U" T' I) C* a P, r& y+ v> >" T; u# I- q5 r O5 d
> > Holiday Days5 X8 w7 z2 M6 u" \2 a; G x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a: W. F+ H4 f- Y1 q% ~7 v5 U( i" n* L( d
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
! N$ O, j2 e/ q5 L> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, r/ S2 |; [ ]1 e/ ^7 N( z# N, Q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; |1 ~1 O, }3 J* E4 ^, A- O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
, }) G" C' G( z' a; b> > employees attend to the arrangements.
- L% `9 q; t b+ i7 Z> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% w) j0 z! c1 o& t% N9 H> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the# r Z \6 t% j3 v, s$ C
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work0 `7 X3 b- M1 B2 k- X8 |. R5 j% o
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; a5 x4 X$ e8 C/ g) e> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use/ V2 ?* K3 M% e8 R# L
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 B$ G7 m' c# E4 {1 `! G/ L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; _1 n1 v5 T% e+ `. a- h- D
> > in the cubicles.
* f7 k4 m+ }5 S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' p6 H, _3 v7 x> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 w: E7 _* q3 s! g! T
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 {3 P C" V! ]1 i j) i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 g4 T- x, r0 g$ T7 l> > posted on the company notice board under the5 T0 n" r, u4 U8 h* |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# h( B% c; y) k' s5 z- s7 w2 I. } U0 D> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% E% i) B c7 s> > sanctioned under the company's mental health+ ]2 @* B0 n$ S7 N( a
> > policy.# r' w' F2 K: ?, d1 v8 ]8 }
> >5 K3 o* L/ _0 l- z+ E4 `: ]
> > Lunch Break- d8 t) O' u- K" }+ l3 l/ R) A, M) |
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; t; g Z) S3 }' y/ i8 R- X> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* @" K. u& ?( O0 J8 A% H& ~8 D& k> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ \/ ]7 U1 ?' \& F( J' Z# y r> > maintain their average figure.# q( r7 s" j' S$ t% S) x2 h1 ]$ W
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 z* q! G S" j! n% ^* ^> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast., Z" p( r" J# V3 m" Z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 P, X% W8 g0 J) k+ g9 i
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( I3 s. j& K/ W7 G, E
> > employment experience.8 [' T8 k9 u Q
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,, n1 Q# p3 V- A8 x' n% c, R' S
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 M) w1 h# ^* {+ o* H" b
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be0 B" b! f ^% S/ n! ~
> > directed elsewhere. |
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