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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
, z5 U! i' @! |' J/ h5 H> > Effective January 2007! v. Q f# N) F, i; |: p' b% G$ n
> >
% p) w( y* u+ k# f> > Dress Code
9 h/ v' c& B; l) d& f> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ M6 I! M* s" t& q" @' I4 h> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 K" \* O. E* b# [- z" f% Y7 E> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 b, |+ n2 Q0 r+ y" v> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) ^2 i& g/ Y6 b9 H9 p5 w1 h/ Z
> > need a pay raise.
& a4 {2 A* a; F0 Z& V$ y4 C$ x> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 F' _$ {5 y2 a# c0 l7 c1 S
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% \1 p4 `- T+ D2 u: J( j6 [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
$ D4 P8 d/ O: q' }- Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you' q- J' o3 U2 @) k4 _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) P1 c% F) P# k# K% n> > raise.
. J& W7 U1 b2 g" J1 P2 g> >
! }, T: w# m) L2 H O }4 e' M> > Sick Days( r6 U- B f' P; V2 A+ _; K
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' w4 n2 l" f' W, Y, i- r> > proof of sickness.
) O% X" b4 U3 }( T: z# |5 D' G. a> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ ^7 e" { E. K! I( f
> > to come to work.
4 N0 H2 G/ `5 V% W: M+ F$ m> >0 h) b$ A: Q# e; I( b
> > Holiday Days8 E* J; Z) h& B/ g; f; X
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. Y' T" C1 F8 N7 `' c) R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) b$ t# j5 r) f' ~
> >+ p' k8 g" F% F4 K8 G7 Z/ t* g
> > Compassionate Leave
6 @5 g/ S* q9 N$ B- T0 U$ S> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 G& Q+ y1 x' K! r$ P3 \# a> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" N1 v# x- i0 ^& x$ z+ e7 \$ K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 Y7 X) I! t" N, o" V( M> > employees attend to the arrangements.( w7 o5 j' T1 `9 j3 r9 n9 F
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 ^# K9 V J8 I& L! h6 N2 K f
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& t( Z8 k: z. [! d+ m# h/ t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, a" f5 }) @: F8 D
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one u% t; {& X, g1 x5 i+ n. T8 r
> > hour early.
- D) K" H* ?2 }, Z( h> >& v! D7 g' {( Y; _: v6 o6 m
> > Toilet Use4 A8 N8 i3 j9 z# ^" A
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' {- V& z/ H# o5 X5 O6 L x> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, I8 [ W1 V \/ r1 [> > in the cubicles.1 j% r4 {- [' m: b' ^! ^0 y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! w: ~. l( p4 w
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* l2 F4 ~0 G$ \- K: x> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.; H+ K G) f2 z: P$ U
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
" H- w: G1 h* D+ M; A' o> > posted on the company notice board under the
% a" N6 |; H9 w" B x5 e5 |) Y; \" ^$ |> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ q$ Y1 y k8 J5 ]$ R: S
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, \" K- K$ b; ~> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: r+ w% n+ _' T2 r> > policy.! K4 g1 Q7 k Q- o
> >
% g+ P R. f( c> > Lunch Break% r; h$ x& y9 ^% ?& M- X
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 Y4 `- T. i, ~> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) F( r$ D$ _: R. G> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 S6 n' a4 S& d! P5 x2 d
> > maintain their average figure.# y% V% S2 T% m- Z. W7 s3 g' e
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 y9 `% }. r6 u( C( m> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# u3 c6 O$ j' [4 b0 E> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 G; q! g9 H; b' Q7 d5 A
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, Y; P( [/ E$ l+ K' a& o& N) G4 I> > employment experience.
2 z' T: J* D! u6 l6 v& {8 F6 _> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 u1 {) h- R% \, J
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 k* q0 O3 q6 Z8 W
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
) J& L4 z8 t; j& } ^> > directed elsewhere. |
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