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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:) r+ w+ |% ]0 n, k$ r9 {
> > Effective January 2007
, G3 s0 R. c d> >
3 G7 r" i7 |* }( i> > Dress Code
- g& p0 m" }, ^% P: C; q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
' x1 k# [$ Y1 C8 X+ R7 ]> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing `7 c3 Y$ C% A" M, L* m0 ^; {
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 h- h" l: m) t" L" p5 z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
, K+ e& @( P$ T" _4 ~> > need a pay raise.
) ~: h" O5 a2 Q8 ?2 @6 X' }" B> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# h. w) Z& ^: f" S' P, y) h
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
+ y7 J7 l; L8 B> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 l, a) L8 d7 o6 u( E* e: C> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! L6 d' V) A K( a> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# J. v, T. J& b1 \" e6 `
> > raise.6 X' H8 S5 B4 e% Z% H' X s2 ]* ^
> >" B* Z1 p t* `' l |/ J9 l
> > Sick Days1 s# W, C9 b( G! v- W
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
0 [+ i* l; t& _) l> > proof of sickness.5 e% [! N0 `9 m
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# W' B5 V c& q9 C# J" ^" Z! k> > to come to work.! [- B! Q% b+ d: v. P' c. M
> >/ k. l$ ~1 {4 }6 w; `" V) N1 Y
> > Holiday Days7 M/ E( _# W% \+ I! Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ @! p) m1 _1 {
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# u# H" B2 a+ `& ^" u4 N- D
> >
4 `* g1 W: ~( ]' F' [- z% S; w> > Compassionate Leave1 y0 o3 r" P4 @1 f; ?. w
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 I: ?; \: H* W6 g5 ?" i> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- T. U# V' \# A( ]! x> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. Y) l5 ?) K2 m4 e8 F$ x' {) A> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 q0 o8 e( X, Q3 F6 ~$ Y. v
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 u# W, J- k& e> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" N, e" ~) M, w& v- U6 ^8 t6 O$ y0 w
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: g6 j$ H T3 w! Q b+ `. e$ [
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 V, C. g Z- W% K& W" c9 p
> > hour early.# |6 C9 B1 Y3 x0 f% D( W/ U
> >
7 X6 b; ?; L8 H# L) n o/ M% }/ W> > Toilet Use$ Y o9 M, P, b
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 e% _! K2 {9 c& U& b> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 e8 J* } N, O
> > in the cubicles.3 |9 k; q+ R* V ^- e. i
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
|* f4 {: p0 o h3 a+ ?> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
0 ]: N- J6 P: o+ v1 r- `> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 g4 {, q9 b5 c% X6 Q+ ^+ m' J: x1 ~
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 ^& ^; D2 a; ~2 s" a
> > posted on the company notice board under the
' G; f5 J% l) J5 f$ F1 b: H- K> > "Chronic Offenders" category." z6 W% Y; B: ~) _& v w1 t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; g. D$ K- f. L1 E
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ n/ Z2 z' G. h* T9 H. g> > policy.
, E- P T5 M7 ^$ I4 K, s! j+ d> >
8 b i& J6 H2 q. [5 h5 T> > Lunch Break
9 J7 ~. r/ U( \! O5 k5 L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they( T1 T/ l$ Y) I6 ]6 X2 K
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
$ ]# G* J3 s( v! ~# W> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 z, p5 i2 o/ }! r8 h/ B. [; G4 z: Y
> > maintain their average figure.
1 q: k U+ \5 A0 y$ p4 X& y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* p) k) V2 C2 l. e" x* C* W% Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 J1 _' I4 D; R8 @" G9 \
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
0 j7 g% g' w" S8 u$ R& V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* P9 _+ S, `/ l* X1 T8 C! H/ O1 h> > employment experience.
) S0 s% V# T( Z6 R/ d3 N> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
% N- Q: S) o( {> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- {" h$ N# z4 P: K$ F; O> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: C' R+ G2 } \3 S I/ h9 n' |> > directed elsewhere. |
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