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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:! o4 d* u: z, w5 `# m0 A5 {
> > Effective January 2007
6 M2 k! ^9 M' R: y, B; ]) t' O4 V, g> >
3 z0 j9 X7 {8 @+ f* a# q7 \! w! f> > Dress Code
' B. W6 O# X+ o' O> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- H1 _- c( e) n7 u& |> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 S. _# t$ w' X4 ?2 h* {$ `+ B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& \+ {1 Z1 C* S" k
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not' q. B3 u* {% {6 h) @" d
> > need a pay raise.
1 D% s" v' F! @' `- g> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& c4 y% w- [8 \> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer7 Y! e1 a$ Z0 s( r* \; I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 d: m; K/ @' l8 l% @
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) ~. k1 S9 N( X5 y* y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; ~7 q* F0 Z. r4 V% `> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
+ M; P0 U; |0 y$ y* V" @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
% {; J$ |8 p. I> > proof of sickness.
- d* K' c. U% {9 o> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able ^0 b9 ]' n) L7 C& t
> > to come to work.
7 l1 t; Q4 M* B1 U0 i6 e> >
) T% L& H. a1 j6 g5 ?) R> > Holiday Days3 M' V1 H' t% s0 [) a) T+ x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& o$ a( U/ Z" r8 Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' w. i( Z2 e2 n/ i> >: A8 L& p' z( V$ I3 ~. r6 q3 |
> > Compassionate Leave
/ k: H' B4 I0 @1 z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 w, w2 g2 f; R# W, r6 _3 J
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& R) {( [" c! T7 v, a' `+ Z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 C# m# I$ v4 O7 V1 P/ o> > employees attend to the arrangements.
7 k# y1 X; |6 M7 t! O1 y> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
' T) G+ f) o: h> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
s1 o; `4 u6 Y. F9 k! S1 t" Q/ i> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
# T0 Q( r$ ~ o& W" u> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( ]9 L' g( X) d8 k> > hour early.1 D: ^$ l# d/ N' {
> >
% `5 X/ I9 |; o0 [8 D3 Z. M> > Toilet Use
+ K* x. q8 z2 l0 N2 J4 j1 a q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 y( d( F% k" N/ [& s+ v1 W# T8 i+ v
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ ]6 Q' k( C. E. f> > in the cubicles.- r6 Q, Q& A& }5 N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ `7 S4 T/ G2 A5 g( R( c; c/ a> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ ^9 s# j( ~! y, P" X# Q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
0 e1 N! m% |$ d" v> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 i6 c/ S3 r$ P
> > posted on the company notice board under the
# y+ G5 Z, _+ V. V% e3 o l8 I1 _0 a! |> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, T0 Z5 ~: _1 L: f$ J> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
9 O4 v- w2 m, i8 P/ Q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: m* l+ m# Y7 F& _
> > policy.
- c1 }9 G, p- _: y> >3 U( p/ g7 P/ N8 {$ @2 j: P
> > Lunch Break% y. ?6 x e1 K2 r9 b# z4 @. M8 \, G
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 `% _+ o/ T3 F" e; P4 _; H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 ]7 G. \( F1 Z
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 N6 F4 W, I6 Y/ P s' \
> > maintain their average figure.
* T' a+ Y" W' @+ m> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 o- p7 A5 l6 k3 o1 n! F> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- T. ]) c! t# l/ v1 M3 B* \
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ I, ]# p! A% o& Y% }! @: [
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 Z1 g1 T4 a9 b3 l* C- W8 t> > employment experience.5 b8 y, }2 y; o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ A! Z3 ], w" b9 R* P* g> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
9 t- c# m1 V1 C& M* j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be" X9 ]8 v7 F9 h- V+ l
> > directed elsewhere. |
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