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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:; \, a$ t0 O4 \
> > Effective January 2007! f7 _$ \9 e$ X+ @
> >
9 A" B% }; {- f: z5 A) i& w> > Dress Code" O4 o, l l) @2 V' A
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" |0 p" h1 a D% m% z1 D
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 `. p& I; _; o: l; u3 e/ z> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 S. |9 I! s' d" r> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not ]1 V; c! L' E& @3 g: c
> > need a pay raise.
, L9 e6 Y6 h$ L) ?% {+ h> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
0 M: s& w% F# A( i5 @> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer ], T4 s/ F+ S3 Y( l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# D% k' l6 f1 J& J( p0 \ G3 I> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% g1 y- z7 n9 Q. u( r
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
- r n ?( p0 L6 w# j) p> > raise.& l1 p" z* S c. c$ K5 j
> >
- q+ @% O. u4 Q5 a. d h/ n2 T4 p> > Sick Days* g9 Y* ~. C6 F6 B- ~
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) T! w3 y# Q# g K* \: @7 t
> > proof of sickness.9 o: o' _: c( b2 C5 r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" g9 ^5 }, V6 J
> > to come to work.+ }8 Q' F* |* a% Z. S3 M
> >
0 `. v/ O8 O# A; [) m* z+ y2 N> > Holiday Days3 {! ]# U, H$ j: ^
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 c/ n$ M3 l% n- o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; v2 b I1 O9 } @, [
> >
' Z9 G8 T3 Z( ], X8 |; ~> > Compassionate Leave" Q1 @; \. r1 v! v$ R I( j
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" G) q7 {4 e- S. T8 O8 R9 n> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 V/ x; J' X9 x& }' I3 D: h9 O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% b8 E$ i! V: @9 L3 S& w2 }
> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 l7 ^8 G* @, a- U5 A: u
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# o( }2 H& j! H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
\0 P! }2 t5 B3 K8 P4 |" j> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
& @. @! h7 Q' x/ G, v+ l; ~. ?7 [% [> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 \. l' N- u' v; @. J' m> > hour early.
T# m2 t1 F' h: X> >5 e z7 a* E7 Y) g7 D# f
> > Toilet Use( a! j% A3 X( k5 F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
x- a2 H/ h4 I3 X> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ l( n' l. d/ [> > in the cubicles.
( f7 | o0 X) C2 `6 z! q> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% O: a6 Z, \' [, i* {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 Z9 f" t r( f. u; B5 {% D
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! h4 J9 L9 ^. M8 h> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 R5 B0 ]: k o- J" e4 A: F
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 V K9 X# j% I+ Q, d" C* S
> > "Chronic Offenders" category./ q: e6 ^, Z. S: x6 t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' Q) d! a4 k# ~6 I: ]) O0 {
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health2 v' J1 C6 i8 @& J) n
> > policy.! q* l7 P( |" v# ?; L
> >
$ V; O2 w$ E0 H> > Lunch Break0 v; B3 R& ]4 l* d3 o
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 D! B" m3 G0 ^# O G: L# U
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* e% t' O8 y8 z/ x! ^' ]. v> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
( r" h, a! P' \( y+ `> > maintain their average figure.; W7 h+ [. o! L
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time; ~* Y# d! s! [2 E! X# U$ g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 i9 f! Q1 e' ~" `
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 Z/ B c" H- x8 \> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 m# g7 b( C1 P5 l
> > employment experience.
, s9 c p% g/ u1 T& }% D$ \> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- j i) n$ v9 C ~6 I5 U
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! a. W4 X& K) I3 n f" {; }1 L> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: ]8 o# M7 _, E0 b$ @! B2 P
> > directed elsewhere. |
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