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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:4 c2 ]4 T& i& w) G, T Z. t
> > Effective January 2007
9 T9 W3 Q' d. Y7 n$ z7 L4 v> >: V' D( Y4 X H# Y/ n
> > Dress Code* q! V' s* V1 k" y' s8 v& N
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 b7 D' X! S) A/ L* G% Y; v
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
2 i! \7 [8 V! `> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 W7 I+ @6 b7 E N
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 O. j/ Y/ v$ s0 i- O> > need a pay raise.
" d; J" a8 c- S1 C* s! r- f8 G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" O4 ~: @/ @2 j8 {8 \+ E
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( L% w8 H: t" N$ @2 a, ~! ^7 q2 }> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.2 q* j( U( C0 J/ w" N S
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, B0 S; R2 `1 F5 }4 r, A1 W> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. ^6 |4 P3 }& T5 z> > raise.8 I w- l) b/ G& C x | g2 ~
> >1 d" L6 L4 q4 {" Z$ N+ N; L& O
> > Sick Days+ A/ z# `2 e* F6 ~0 l& h
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) f4 `9 W6 d" R" v0 y
> > proof of sickness., d, g2 t. S1 e2 H' z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* [! C) X1 n* p& b) H$ l' M
> > to come to work.
; b7 d' @* ?4 w> >
% h g# P: ]+ @0 H> > Holiday Days
9 l0 ^4 Y# n8 C" K" r5 @> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& J) U% N4 n- `, ~- n
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ ?* x: {2 Y' K7 V6 E- N6 M' B
> >
6 `/ `; Z" \ p- R+ I> > Compassionate Leave
3 c; S/ r. z D9 A0 }> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 S: B6 f( P E
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- c; b- F& s! I7 |; H3 u# L
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 F7 d: i8 Y# i7 D2 ~
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
7 g6 t- V( T. Z3 i# n> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 n- _* H0 h1 }2 `/ R* A
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
& B2 A( _# D1 {> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; ?/ Z$ R+ d5 ` i' ?> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' j4 m1 @+ x2 \2 x> > hour early.
8 i# O9 `# z- M! i> >; M0 l0 W' Q5 @' {, A4 F Z
> > Toilet Use f% {* A. x6 c: f9 r4 h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( w* r/ ~) w8 P1 [1 Z; k
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
% P8 }2 Z% W9 u4 V& V$ g7 o> > in the cubicles.; b( ^' o; d3 p( j. X( N6 d
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will. e; y X i' V( ~8 l8 m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle& I7 C5 D: V& e1 I! W- o% w
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 _/ m. }* B+ g' o; k/ x
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& [' Q' r+ h: d/ c
> > posted on the company notice board under the
: z' m, @; m, ^/ m7 H$ `> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ V9 t$ t8 ~ K9 f> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) @; [* D1 p/ i
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: n9 K- n/ s. C$ O0 f. x! L
> > policy.1 T. G0 U* E, W U
> >) n% }% s+ [7 c7 Y( P
> > Lunch Break
o- l$ V% j8 a: K) m/ \> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' i3 I# q/ D ~% }- z5 A' I r
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 @# T: Y! p, r( |. k! ?
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 a* Z1 b: ]1 \& g8 \> > maintain their average figure.
: r W" `# \! {& V: b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 s) M! l. w* P: }* \5 `4 B
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; p+ Q8 H. _" H7 j1 T) Y) Q( u5 q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( l8 B( k# O, Z# V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ O8 T) g- r8 ^9 `& F0 e0 V> > employment experience.
- M3 M9 o% r! ]: ?> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 G9 u* j9 ^- z) f& D! B> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& P; Z4 o6 }& e Q( B& x( X( X> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 j/ ~! Q5 ]5 J$ t% f Z8 ]> > directed elsewhere. |
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