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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:! Z" [" {0 z, k. c2 e7 z
> > Effective January 2007% p2 W! U2 n) A
> >8 a! ^& e- j+ R# [: Q: j( A
> > Dress Code
" F: B: v( ~* n: s# k( H/ X* B> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 I. x- s: {9 Q X8 p
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing; Z0 Y; F: @& y: \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* W! L3 }+ l. E; M, d# {$ A
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 Y; X5 y4 E5 y8 i6 H9 J
> > need a pay raise.- {" V7 k- U q8 @# A
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
3 V+ j* _4 {1 P5 n! c> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
2 T- w1 Q% Y2 z8 z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; k2 _) f6 O$ ^0 X4 j! a
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% A6 G9 F8 _) H7 \0 q
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& Q# X& |7 x/ @1 G @
> > raise.
+ w& {4 O9 Y* T9 @$ i: P/ f* @+ Y% U8 q> >
6 S4 R- Z; S1 Y% [' g. S' n3 E6 M5 \> > Sick Days
$ P& W6 y2 ^3 \" ^8 [& f" f> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
1 Y- G: m8 V& s* G t> > proof of sickness.
" d9 b8 I: d) S' z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ {, a& O# A$ z: w8 T) U+ ?> > to come to work.8 I w+ I: o2 b0 j! s- T. }
> >. c3 _6 f& F! A! _) w2 d
> > Holiday Days) M# ]3 h) u, ^9 L
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 V8 I5 p2 ]0 h2 z, h
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
/ z+ C7 S/ ?7 }1 P% I& z> >
9 C( g' T+ @0 H7 W> > Compassionate Leave
2 K6 I! K3 Q5 k) T$ \! R> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 J1 Q2 o5 F2 b" j- @3 v8 z7 N> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" V6 n6 w' I" n4 e# y, ?. ~> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) i8 O6 m4 c% q/ Y( i> > employees attend to the arrangements.# X; q$ A$ f/ N' Q* D& B
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' J R& h& [/ T+ g# a/ _* {
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% c' b+ E# h* r M> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. I7 L9 k! {% Z> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' C- c: X C2 H4 ?> > hour early.
: G4 z# @3 B& u> >3 p6 @4 s3 O& X5 b1 D+ N6 k
> > Toilet Use% w# ?4 r4 D6 f' M9 g+ u
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, f7 U/ H2 o$ L
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ d- J2 r$ i7 d7 f/ t
> > in the cubicles.
- B- \* l# h5 [2 ~4 c# x, ^> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 H0 B& k7 L. L: {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' k8 H o' \6 j* v2 M; J! I3 R+ Y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! F# S: E" z; W6 I- z> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% t5 J Y0 c1 f1 [
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 r* E6 \% {$ g% y* j& h) N6 `/ f
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 r$ J6 X9 l0 _/ s7 K+ H [> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 d! w7 p: [1 t0 e, Q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 K" _- S- X4 ^! Y. i
> > policy.! d5 S+ q9 @4 _6 x3 g# Z
> >$ J* x+ p6 X5 a" g
> > Lunch Break
5 Y+ Q7 m% J; S1 n, a> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- g) }1 j7 Q% L; B: A9 C> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 V* Y* b" _6 E6 u$ P/ |; m/ @> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 ]5 X! S B7 H/ t2 D! L& T> > maintain their average figure.
3 i* t! P7 n$ f> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time# }4 p, e) d% }9 q0 e3 \: \
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, x* q6 Z. f- n; ?4 ]> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
@# i6 Y; n. W/ F2 q> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 ]7 |; |+ I4 T* x> > employment experience.
) X ^1 r+ j5 Z$ w+ f9 m& T9 A( c> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 v/ p8 ?. A. V. a* e6 k0 ?> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" k8 d; G2 z; H2 J/ V# b> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 P+ E2 R/ C5 H
> > directed elsewhere. |
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