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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:1 i) S9 f' ^4 g9 w
> > Effective January 2007) z' ~3 n" q" S4 I) B, h3 R$ w
> >2 ^4 o% j+ n# E; Y
> > Dress Code: k3 Z( W# B' R7 ]" h3 _0 v3 |
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' H7 H `% H' L+ D( {
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. R) q& T/ y" N8 {. Y6 n# P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 e5 E7 \% ^: R6 a- [7 t
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 n! G4 }. A7 Y* b0 a> > need a pay raise.
4 ?, ?- p: k; K1 w& A3 T: X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
8 m b: j$ r4 `> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ o- E, I6 S6 x3 f6 |% ?> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
^1 @( z( b+ ?* l, t> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 _0 u3 A( e) R
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' q3 s( [; t) ?+ A6 u1 K& q" E
> > raise.
, l: J- @! t- h$ a D> >
" b7 @5 k+ K! e+ b" A- l> > Sick Days
* v! M r2 G; @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
' Y, f4 Z/ p; T* O% r" [) K> > proof of sickness.$ d# q/ r* K _! @" ^. ~2 S
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" B; @4 i" c! T0 x( x
> > to come to work.; C8 h& _2 O& w2 F' b. |
> >
5 q1 u* q6 J7 z& k5 V; k% d1 H> > Holiday Days
' I! G: I8 m' k, F' e> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: W) v0 X( |! S Z+ `" x> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- C7 B0 v8 G" y
> >4 V( a W+ x9 u( F4 d
> > Compassionate Leave9 m ^3 w7 a, K1 F4 L# q& ?
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; J8 [, @7 f. m8 D9 Y" H
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. e' v r- u" n/ Z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: o# S( H2 Z$ s& Q' i9 n3 ^ b
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; E& X7 | k$ |+ z, j
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 o6 o5 N; \' b6 { L3 |7 ~$ u> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 l1 p( v2 j( i/ ~* T' o* i3 U9 U
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) k5 c1 u- z- s0 U3 r& ^3 S+ H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
! v% \6 o% e5 h. B> > hour early.
6 I ]( z0 I1 f* ?> >! T; f2 G1 M p- K1 t6 k
> > Toilet Use
- ? B8 s: r9 \9 r: ]7 l, k" a1 `> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 H$ C/ u) a. t9 v* T> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) ?8 q3 O: P: O3 f. g> > in the cubicles.0 y: m5 f$ e3 Q8 ]
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ ?( Q$ H# I! K+ u! J+ s
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: u) G) W0 V; ^# {; r
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 A# t8 A/ j0 |5 p9 d( t> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# V+ I7 R* W3 K/ x( N+ e) T> > posted on the company notice board under the
6 S9 Z& P! \7 _5 q+ k( N3 B> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# _) ^' ]* v x0 c; P, V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
( H0 x/ W( \' e- K> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
% @# {. G% N4 Q; L" P: ?9 L8 Y> > policy.
$ B3 B+ \% C: c, E) X> >
1 p \! n/ x: Z) n/ V> > Lunch Break
H* z" z7 m2 W1 g$ ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 c7 N- g2 ~( F1 @7 {
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' u8 G4 g/ O1 ]. d5 r6 j
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 O9 E% p) X2 R& Y$ ?: m> > maintain their average figure.$ Y( I5 | X7 w; L
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 r8 v4 W4 W; t9 h O5 d$ @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 |) |' `' b5 h, a5 e
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. K- E7 g+ F: a> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ N& L6 S" Z, G8 n- H5 n- x# C
> > employment experience.
- T0 P9 @8 z% M6 r> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% u( F; Z! s$ o' v1 O, c" ]0 F# i
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 G# K0 J* b8 |% @6 I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( [8 \: A2 |) f3 D0 j$ c2 E1 b> > directed elsewhere. |
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