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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:! p% z- s2 U8 u9 Y) K1 ]+ ?2 A) M
> > Effective January 2007) u1 ?, A$ ]+ B
> >: y. }0 z' D& C; {5 j
> > Dress Code
' E) Q7 O3 B3 U# x( m( \4 S O" E" C> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: m5 u1 @7 c9 d> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' g0 k6 y+ {" }1 n% W- H> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
' W( Z5 V' @* R> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ z# `/ s! k2 H; {
> > need a pay raise.8 j' a9 G6 E4 V5 H* \1 e0 U
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ O3 X! L7 l# P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 Z; |1 k- m# l7 u) d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& Z. m( C! Z' T& q0 }; m c> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% Z r& g+ ~9 d5 L) O& }- p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 m3 X8 `! D! g5 K
> > raise.4 L& |& t9 D5 F9 q% t. [$ L
> >
# n- M0 }# J. o> > Sick Days
; B( h2 l. g6 w4 h7 f) g5 J> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" N' ~- O* t7 }4 K: \
> > proof of sickness.
% f1 C f0 D) R; p1 ^% q6 o> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able1 t0 J6 \( v1 U
> > to come to work.
2 I7 p7 s8 o# b/ X0 T+ z' p% h> >
! }1 J! ]4 R9 p$ M1 w7 G( a8 t> > Holiday Days" ?0 W2 s! O9 q# J
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 I# ?, I/ g! u/ K8 D, B5 _
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: l6 K$ {5 s2 M: v8 T
> >
. b6 s! r }0 F' g$ Q> > Compassionate Leave- H; |2 W% @1 D; @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* ~9 Y( m# i# j1 J2 @6 g" c
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- S. }0 A# L) W3 I) J> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ |4 f7 e' ^; |/ C> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' n) o9 v, x1 Z. ~! D> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; u5 @0 S8 a% p% W5 W
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 J) A- ]* m* k# T& D> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# N' O2 T+ U) c% O& W5 H9 l
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' R6 H$ w/ F* Z5 y' V> > hour early.! V9 N y t$ ^$ V7 z- h
> >: V3 T0 H% u3 J4 F) H. M& r/ K1 ^
> > Toilet Use
4 ]3 d! y4 B. o# ^> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
( e" T1 S B+ i7 {2 j* O: L> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, v$ p* N' U( E3 G3 D0 H3 D' k> > in the cubicles.
9 L' k9 P: R" f; R# n" e- ?> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% M+ r4 M7 E1 f2 `& k
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# y# M- {9 P5 m9 r2 T# _> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! a( U+ X* ]& b, P& U: N& l% V. E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- ~* p- ^7 x: e0 H8 k1 T' h5 q> > posted on the company notice board under the" o* A- z) d5 }6 d
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- L2 G7 E( x+ ?. u6 q" ~
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" O" @% K! g# s8 c# e% J; e
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 m! r8 }1 ] E- i: x8 X* v s
> > policy.- h4 r" S( @. W U
> >: G4 h. X/ v5 b
> > Lunch Break
0 P! X9 N6 ? j# A* c" _, Z$ }> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
% C$ i# Y, S2 V' S8 k> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
V4 j. u4 y; x( S> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& z1 N' |; e- ?$ F2 O> > maintain their average figure.$ V, W1 ?1 q- ~( X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
- C/ {% `6 Y: n' k> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.( X6 d) s$ N5 f% L4 x& Y% [& w( v/ X
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% a6 [- l8 g9 i- P" i8 u% F' h7 } a
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive M" G+ [. J6 Z+ U
> > employment experience.( [, i& m, j0 H5 z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 ?% H0 p8 ~ X9 b! o9 K> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, u- w$ J- ^1 H X7 ~1 P> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 e8 I6 [) ^, \ s! ^7 a> > directed elsewhere. |
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