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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
6 v$ i2 C4 j4 I0 a> > Effective January 20073 {5 K4 l* h, c
> >) o* x9 Y K8 U; x) n* J
> > Dress Code
: {7 Z! ^, Z7 E+ }# q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
% u* d( n# A3 r( s/ h9 m1 M: _9 B> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 a$ j& J( n8 [
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume+ E8 [, ~& Z8 ?* q3 K# G" F C
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! B% j, }* m& A
> > need a pay raise.
- O* @# J& Q) ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 b+ Z- G# J/ H4 u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, s* G0 d/ f& e$ J7 u9 c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 }$ m( `, u( y7 P- m
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
- D7 j* _+ e6 g: `: [! U8 R" m7 T> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
! X2 m1 s$ j1 L7 [. _2 n0 l# T8 }> > raise.( S( d) L2 W+ l0 s4 p+ I$ a
> >
: w( {: B7 d4 b. f+ ^* o$ \> > Sick Days" C) c( [( I# ?5 A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 s* r1 e5 R3 S; ~2 s> > proof of sickness.. s, e# X" W% N8 {7 B" W
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 T' X f9 X$ H+ F+ T
> > to come to work.
8 U$ v% j# V3 E' O Y( a> >1 C9 R# }7 h2 q7 T4 @
> > Holiday Days$ S+ L' ]) F8 P' l$ d
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 R! }, m: @! O1 P, [> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
: B$ k# S9 H' @$ L> >5 J1 d2 W$ A; p4 J
> > Compassionate Leave+ b# }6 z/ s0 ?, ?: |; ~
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
4 x+ p; @2 G/ u2 ^. u0 p3 Q( h> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, e9 ?) ?3 z$ r8 g" x$ G
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 g. U) |. R8 Q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, g4 T; B! D' W4 D+ h> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 h0 b, ]# T% S8 q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
2 v7 p2 H5 ?4 b6 [+ b* L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work# A0 |3 ~9 I* q9 C" N
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ X* N2 q* \& G8 e" v! c! l> > hour early.0 x: K. M2 e: [" z
> > _6 m f2 T3 c$ n1 R; \
> > Toilet Use
" g5 S! }- n C/ z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
! P7 a% ?1 j4 q5 ]/ L8 d; [6 [> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# ^6 Q* L: q( W, b4 s! S
> > in the cubicles.
) W; O0 z" I; e% F0 R, C> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 z9 ^- ~+ J/ Z' s( T, Y0 D
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ d8 w8 \0 g+ c: q8 H0 ]: [; \> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' f4 z1 u" {+ l5 X+ J; s$ m
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 e) j* x7 F+ v# \& @) t
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ i' u; ?; D0 I6 G
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 d$ I" M: |5 s0 R/ ^
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, v7 Z' b1 B7 f) G- Y, F> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ b% L* e' D8 d6 S9 r$ z) Q
> > policy.5 o5 `; `' T5 I' T* \( J. f
> >( D) {) n3 h b& a9 \7 | n
> > Lunch Break
+ W5 `+ W" n; R5 p& ~> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
9 l9 L/ G0 i E; c3 `0 t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.& S. d5 P8 \1 }1 G0 K
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( x8 U5 A% ]: w; K1 N% p! x, K' ?
> > maintain their average figure.
" E3 p% P# v s: W6 v> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 m) i1 ~3 |0 t, v5 L> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 H7 p) G# g% o5 [
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* T5 z8 N4 [& b6 x4 P
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
_* Y. U, r9 n) _ b/ f- F1 H> > employment experience.
6 N% S Y9 @4 \) J, b> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& b) e1 J7 O& A/ k& w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; _9 Z! u' c* q8 ?. K> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be2 \! s5 u( f! v3 g: q* J! }& x
> > directed elsewhere. |
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