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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:# V6 T" M* F) }
> > Effective January 2007
0 ^* N+ m- T; k6 f' Y6 I> >2 i9 y* e% ]/ s; E2 R i
> > Dress Code
0 Q- O, f8 V' \) n0 R> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed' X ^& J$ l0 V. [1 s3 ~. C* z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 D; F% w0 h4 _* Q7 v8 L
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' V& V4 V2 K9 t* [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 b+ t& W& W* F/ |
> > need a pay raise.
+ o( h; M' Y) Q5 l* \2 }> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage/ t2 o; n# Q" q! V+ b
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
& t$ b( ?' \9 z; U! y8 P# ~% {) D8 g" i> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- r& l$ d$ v' |7 c$ Z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ _/ l: n+ R+ M; D* c> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 E- d9 {! c8 w> > raise.# C$ K) d$ ?% o/ e, X1 q1 d
> >$ Q: T2 n2 M0 G. ?& P1 l) a
> > Sick Days
0 P9 ^, S, b4 r: @3 I8 b( i8 Z* J> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- L( p- J6 h W: Q1 Y0 ]+ A4 [; U> > proof of sickness.* n! i$ q+ V4 [
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 z$ q7 y- C4 y% l2 A
> > to come to work.
1 C+ l+ S& [/ R& I+ A& @& m9 L> >
& [$ ~- r* h& n0 _% E& b> > Holiday Days" D. ^6 K; v1 i' y3 U/ D
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 c9 m8 e) n; h
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
- A/ H3 q6 b+ q4 w0 @3 e> >- U1 @- l( L; N% S- I6 L! w
> > Compassionate Leave" G7 a/ Q D5 `+ N% ]1 ?9 D5 t" _
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
& }; j) G* }2 D> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& j7 g% `/ y7 x
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 c- |8 ?4 ~4 {, B> > employees attend to the arrangements.% ]: ~5 e. Y/ h& u" p! I
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( V) C" E+ l" Q+ y% `7 C
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 d) X1 x |: T" V( ]0 \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
}; V! C# R2 |& g# C4 J8 a: j/ i> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
$ I) f6 F: J4 `6 _( P# q, |> > hour early.$ {" u5 {* d* k7 Z, p; s* w6 @6 o
> >
% {9 X! x$ k/ U0 f3 Q, X> > Toilet Use, m" N- L- s3 B( [8 R' m
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 ]7 w% S6 Q( j9 r/ \> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 Y7 c1 J( b' U k5 O
> > in the cubicles.2 C' T$ c& N2 R% `& p5 L# U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- w' | Q# `, ?: J; O x( Y> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 R2 F2 N7 n3 p' B) I4 O2 ^> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 T* ]& ^6 H! w r* M
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 o) C/ g+ H; O8 u& Z, d% V8 |
> > posted on the company notice board under the' U* f$ k4 v- g" v- F c9 x$ F
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 z4 Q: L- X3 B T* d> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
8 _/ e4 G3 z( m1 O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ Z1 d( N% B F& j
> > policy.1 S8 P* o* O. Q0 Y; K
> >
" K9 c, G B; X* f% Z2 x& o9 [; n> > Lunch Break
4 X& T9 Z+ b! ~3 p- Z; J6 H> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
) u* v' j4 a. U0 t. Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 X* {$ Y$ g; g5 M
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
' t0 y$ d J$ ^> > maintain their average figure.
" R2 A* K7 C8 k% c> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 l5 |) r3 x( \6 |
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.0 a+ P+ P9 p) x R% S7 j1 {
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, {2 E$ Q+ e/ q$ z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. `2 O! Q% W* ~5 K& E( \> > employment experience.
5 ^7 g# V! y& n" H> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! I" H2 U' i: V# A' Y0 L> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ {! R& Q6 @, I. X4 D& f* _- u0 q
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
; Y9 D/ z' C. c2 ^+ _: J% t> > directed elsewhere. |
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