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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:$ t( K" X8 Y" N! p' M& G: T7 G
> > Effective January 2007
8 m/ s# I' {9 d" W- R9 h> >
) c: c c: s' F/ K+ `> > Dress Code
% P6 F! z, Z; x$ c, c> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 f5 T* v) i$ V4 g
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- _0 ]# B, u# j+ l( g> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ A6 v" z* K, g- b) s3 h. a0 g- h3 i% D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
R- \$ S" F' X: X' ]& J; y> > need a pay raise.
1 d: D! u! [, G. t6 R. B4 l> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. m- x6 r* n, g r! M6 j3 d, Y+ A
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
: ]6 C7 s2 J+ i6 k. z) w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ T- Q8 r/ s8 L2 m
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 c( S, f- ^. Z4 d, p1 C
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 ]% b9 j# `" K: s, t' h( F> > raise.1 ^: ~+ }3 Y7 Q- V' T6 o
> >
+ G; B1 t( j4 z+ u# u> > Sick Days& [4 i' K5 a5 k5 u5 b1 `8 Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; B' Y3 A. }: C6 d: \
> > proof of sickness.. d$ k0 S+ E4 k* x& F: \+ L3 b
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
& d( {6 t& s% o) t2 e9 E0 d> > to come to work.
$ f. i! M, p" y# r9 N7 m1 z> >
5 v/ f! B3 O/ ]5 R8 X: Y8 N/ P> > Holiday Days
+ T3 z2 W7 m. i3 H! M' m3 R+ @) x> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 j: n8 B$ `# n# D, k ]> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 B0 [) V$ U% q% K
> >
+ n3 K! _$ e* Q2 R9 b# s> > Compassionate Leave" z% p$ o4 l' r* z' X
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) q0 ~' p, v! r/ r, O- c> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! B7 N3 Q. A: a1 P4 H6 k
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 j% V; t( e: g> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ {" J0 A, O' \% J/ d9 {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ N+ Y! Y# V* e! w) z" F
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. j1 S4 }" u4 o& q# ~> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 j; r1 U* {1 j0 f0 g9 `1 h, o# P; S
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one. F6 [# ~0 s1 \0 L0 j; P
> > hour early.
6 C; h4 p& d; }$ Z> >
+ w+ ?6 f' L* e9 o7 L% v4 k& \> > Toilet Use$ m; ~- @ E' A
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ p9 c% p M2 ~6 r+ `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) x/ o# ?! p# w9 _> > in the cubicles.4 x2 f! c) A9 n! r7 V
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
- C; y, B0 G _2 g+ O# u> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, ~" W5 F7 T& a, C> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. D9 |0 B9 l7 ^> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 X4 ~& m3 f, H
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 D( B8 c' o" d- N
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 G7 ~9 O* w4 Q
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 W+ ^$ `0 p5 s0 D% o# ?4 v/ L
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 z; }: O( \ g. i> > policy.
: m- G' g- D. @9 w> >" v$ {, }2 f' E" i% N, z: P
> > Lunch Break( F. @4 c' j% w' g5 K& w* e0 N
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they O3 _% {- v, f- f) ?
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
' d& `/ o/ [4 s* W; k' ^> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 b; T3 C/ a6 n4 |0 G" b. V* L> > maintain their average figure.
/ E5 v4 s; J1 x; s4 R& S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% \. l' m( P! o# V) \> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; r9 |: R+ d% D2 l. i> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. C$ R; O5 m3 w. l8 ^ t
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
\- k" k+ ~/ ?1 @0 T> > employment experience.! u$ |# `% _. {+ C
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
+ w5 r. s9 Z4 ^/ X; Y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. ^7 r6 C/ k( w4 p4 q> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; p1 _; J F! ~: D+ b2 ~! t3 S
> > directed elsewhere. |
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