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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:( _ n- T; h6 @
> > Effective January 2007" B# Z8 t+ r+ Z$ O K
> >
& l( k2 X) R( z* b> > Dress Code
) A! k1 l! E4 D/ j) s/ [> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. {+ @( ?& V( l6 J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing/ t L/ ~6 Q5 H. M% g" p5 r
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 ?0 y: W2 ?* }$ Z; A# d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not6 N# ?% M/ v- a% A
> > need a pay raise.- {& P4 I5 V0 Q8 V# x( F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% ^# p5 [% I: {+ ~) h b. T0 q4 Y' k: a
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" L6 V( r$ M, d1 X1 I' `1 e: P
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ D) O( T+ m4 o y0 k, X: D2 j& f
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# I( E. P+ ?1 w( ?: s) F7 M> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
! z- k) \0 \7 J: s2 H> > raise.
+ j! H! i$ ~$ D> >
! o+ F$ v6 c* C! e> > Sick Days
. c( {8 s7 Q$ A5 n! N& t ?: [> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( |" I: g+ F8 u
> > proof of sickness.
4 o# d& c, G; G> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% m6 u4 {* Q% V$ |
> > to come to work.$ W. O/ m$ ~. R W, t% D
> >& B& Z" T- G( I% S) P+ u! u1 _
> > Holiday Days: Q& A) F+ i: ]* _- k( Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% H5 Q2 T" Z0 ~4 h
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 O1 `9 Z. |5 ^/ }8 P> >
3 J9 H8 \9 P1 N- S5 G2 u> > Compassionate Leave
" J+ @3 M8 u- d> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
2 E T8 H G, m) K8 e- |* Y2 J> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( J# Q5 X1 Z( h
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 d$ N% Z! B; f2 w6 }> > employees attend to the arrangements.; S- b7 a/ e& ]
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ k ?% V8 A) b, j+ M4 h' S4 j5 H$ V
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the# l% x3 Y& W0 E2 w# |% L
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' t- l# S5 n$ |* ~1 Q- l- p$ V* b4 l> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& x; J1 d3 u" Y; M; T1 M+ J
> > hour early.9 ]3 Z4 K3 ?0 F9 |& r1 v( x
> >
" O$ N4 A+ [- f> > Toilet Use& A9 t: B/ L* P; X; c
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the, S9 D/ j2 D/ i
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
" s. K, T+ B& ?+ d- O) ^& m* ?> > in the cubicles.7 B: ~/ Y* z! ^$ @! \
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ u8 y0 Q6 f6 }( m' u6 _ H; v> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
& I& \" }1 s+ Q' i7 o' e> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 c: o, K G0 c* w8 U {' h/ i3 G1 I0 I> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' U, f% G, h; V! M9 n) C0 T" \
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% b+ Y. k [, ~7 o> > "Chronic Offenders" category.3 E4 c9 ? n9 ]4 u8 D6 t; m z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; E$ M$ q2 x/ C' E$ G
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. k5 V& ]( O$ ^/ e' Y
> > policy.) v4 o1 T: @0 N8 ^+ p
> >3 o D7 }) X1 R: |3 l: O/ ]2 |/ s/ ^
> > Lunch Break
6 m0 o' a8 ]/ @# H+ w> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, a% o/ d; f# d
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." j8 ~) e4 r) H6 }3 D( X1 ^5 _$ Y( e
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
0 V, f, U& _7 J' ~# y> > maintain their average figure.
8 Q: j, w8 l/ ]' i4 B( D> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ v8 K5 v% m# K) P( _3 K( I+ Y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- U4 m9 y4 r9 w> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: V& Y; _! X/ F# ^8 s& s> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 ?9 S) r0 E# _; L
> > employment experience.
; X, v% i! ?: a+ ^$ I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,2 Z7 g( d; X( u- Y
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' y; \. Q' U+ _( a& |, O( @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: e; z4 h- E- V
> > directed elsewhere. |
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