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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:0 i! `$ @$ G4 i! ?6 Q$ ?
> > Effective January 2007
2 n% U B( H! S! N' F> >
% H: t0 t4 ]$ F3 C+ |% Y+ J> > Dress Code
5 F6 _8 E4 \% q* D9 R> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( F7 }* O9 V, U: \9 V> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 n9 L& {# ?3 k7 T> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. x6 A+ |5 H2 |: K( z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ y# c. V3 f8 F# F* k
> > need a pay raise.0 M( {5 s, Q, U; z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 b5 t, z; z% r( S8 c- |# ?
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! f# f: m7 j2 S, Z" }> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! H& N/ J; c9 E) J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ v( ^$ h! f1 M4 _> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay" f8 u% Y" u- U, \6 \# q
> > raise.
9 n; m) B; Y( ?> >1 ~1 l( e3 A X" z
> > Sick Days
$ o% C6 U) k9 B. P> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ W* F: R6 r- K> > proof of sickness.9 Y5 L! \( v9 R7 l( x& J) J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! x1 {% `& Y8 G7 V> > to come to work.
6 X) E- F4 E3 \( Y> >0 M( E* N& P3 y5 w0 V
> > Holiday Days% N' E/ T& d w; _: k8 @2 b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 a* E. P- L* R2 R' w- s9 d* L' E! V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
9 U7 s1 H7 {" T; y> >
' A/ _# I# `; W! d: v> > Compassionate Leave, I1 D5 v7 |6 @ g1 Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 h6 G6 [/ q& | U; \> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. ^3 t1 D: l5 Z1 P) w1 r
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 Y" e" G, I" {) ^
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; _ e: I9 [ H; D1 H2 S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 ?, }7 q- B; g0 k6 k9 D> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; W' |7 Y3 S" M# @$ H> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 m6 k; C+ h) \. w. A2 t
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 h5 j* G1 i4 y. |3 B
> > hour early.8 r+ c9 E' O* g) l9 A# O6 e
> >
' V5 F' H( t9 o) N! F> > Toilet Use( ?& [4 }1 @0 \0 y5 q; f
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- h( ]$ A# x1 K" x1 p! g+ c> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; g. I# W5 L% H# R4 E+ B! o' ~' g, D5 {
> > in the cubicles.
5 z" Y0 s: N" c i4 b> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! ~/ C& T2 `* z, z> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 u5 E- Y! y7 o) ^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
$ W( h2 y& i8 V4 R! O5 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 f2 s' j. P u6 \# b3 ^
> > posted on the company notice board under the
) o; l" p8 [& G> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
1 {( l9 M t/ p4 N' e' u4 W> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& A5 g e3 m# n: s5 l> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 G% z, M6 L" y' C3 A
> > policy.
" I, g# Y! G" a3 f# {> >
. U2 g- S x7 }# c> > Lunch Break0 q8 z* X! w* D) D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; N2 k* U. ?9 ~8 r1 ~, T> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( w, R3 P" D7 ~$ `* z3 h, z5 A+ U4 B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 Z l5 }( B6 ?
> > maintain their average figure.
' G* x m9 @) H, P! R" I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 e) F2 F! s# l7 s( T+ \2 S& g. ]> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
/ [- [6 l! t. H0 N2 A U> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. a( k+ P' C/ X; x9 Q' X
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive' q" u$ m' M) \1 F6 `7 \/ U. Z) `
> > employment experience.% I% Q1 L4 _- t! F8 a ~
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,' r4 I0 Q( d0 c# Z" i0 q6 c
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ a0 {/ T1 Z9 E> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 H7 \) O& G0 A: q" ?3 y' `( J$ z
> > directed elsewhere. |
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