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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
3 E7 j, i9 J3 L! p/ l1 T> > Effective January 2007
1 F6 N" @3 ^2 c( f% X> >
: T5 g2 Z7 }! {3 |> > Dress Code
* r, w1 e' Z. m% W> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& l( a h; s; r) ]* Z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, e" {& t2 m0 A7 D4 K> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 P* E7 y G# j) `9 C# T( A> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 q! U/ C: q7 X$ r2 p
> > need a pay raise.
5 L) H2 `, W4 K; F) F/ \! a$ h> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ d4 J0 X* D3 J. _' e$ u3 w, ^* t> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# }! }; I& j$ ^7 j: z& b8 c
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise., R! _' A; ^ A
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 E/ ~2 G( A' @) C3 V
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay$ G1 y+ E5 h" u+ T3 J
> > raise.
2 N9 \" e) z( ?! k1 R, H> >- w7 C8 I( V g) r* S
> > Sick Days9 ]! P, X) e7 Y7 ^. ~2 W# a
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ s& B3 T! @" Y% t1 o
> > proof of sickness." n' d( K. y2 g$ z, x, t
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 V! z6 J7 L5 i' w! T& f> > to come to work.& a/ y B2 \" f- z
> >/ G/ \0 ?$ [- W5 k8 |
> > Holiday Days. v( o/ ]3 F( F; M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a; ~& l+ e+ v8 r4 e4 v4 `7 z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
2 B x/ I# g3 d H> >2 \% _/ u- {7 d& E% s l
> > Compassionate Leave. g% Z R1 h2 E, K/ K1 |& g
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& U$ l! o* h5 L6 a3 v
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-7 @7 z# t4 A3 d9 Y4 z6 h! M
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) j6 P$ h: V0 [, ~> > employees attend to the arrangements.- H' g; G: y- U0 N- S/ d
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: V5 V' M& U5 c* E+ r> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& B# A G. e6 k" A
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. ~$ v; M: _1 |> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 T2 F7 n7 f9 F
> > hour early.
% i2 g, }4 l% Z0 I5 e' E8 c> >- L) V1 N: I! z0 Q. Y
> > Toilet Use
5 h& J: R/ Z5 E0 s ^' ?7 n> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 X# Z! h7 ?, x7 h9 d> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ B6 U4 y3 v/ G8 Z4 v> > in the cubicles. Y2 U! r1 Z V/ O1 b7 g6 e
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* U& g6 t4 ~ r+ O" q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; q1 p! W, b( }4 [
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.( g- D, P! t/ f: R- K) z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be- k3 ]& F* D: C/ E
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ h1 d$ B. y! f# D& Z. N
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( D0 H& F! O; O2 W> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 S% O" o, O$ Y1 ~- |6 m2 `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, |$ D, c/ [( Q7 s
> > policy.( l4 y5 F0 }# N. d# Q) U& o
> >
- ]- |/ A' q4 a4 d, P+ f! M! M- g> > Lunch Break
/ ~; n7 t$ ^! U, ^* x> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 W% |$ X! k+ B4 n, R
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 o% c: ?: _' v6 C% ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 e3 E- X$ y* O5 |# r+ I> > maintain their average figure.3 Q3 {6 T7 o# x' {
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 Z' ^! @) {$ s1 {> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 W9 A& s" @* b" K( X> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( ^; w+ g1 g5 l+ |) E> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% H; h; t c9 [9 M: V> > employment experience.
; @+ x/ w/ W7 Q8 R" ]) Z1 e5 I> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
0 s3 j4 T: N$ J/ o+ i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. m" I. l4 N2 g+ i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
E$ O8 ~+ u0 t/ x> > directed elsewhere. |
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