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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
9 U, e& G; ?* J; u1 w$ I3 }* G4 x> > Effective January 2007
* u8 }' d0 y( z! a" r* ], x- j> >
' V$ _0 t0 Y" f> > Dress Code+ c, Y7 G. b5 x# u+ V
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 `9 o! s; c& L/ k5 w; c
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
) ^' v3 @# C3 |5 j> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 }7 m- h9 b( a7 {& ]' z \> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 P0 d0 P9 y/ M. n9 |* i0 }* y3 L
> > need a pay raise.5 Z1 ^, c2 f9 k$ q+ p+ g
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& g8 ]: _$ t8 L# r> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer Z5 [: U% U6 B) x% f+ p4 @6 i$ `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# h, u8 q& Q+ I% w+ }5 b# g( X> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% I+ A* p5 S8 i! k
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# d0 u; r, ]6 b& K/ f3 j; N
> > raise.. {5 U' q% E3 e1 r; X: Y
> >
/ }* R9 L) L1 @2 f2 @> > Sick Days
# e) j/ g0 S3 q$ N) K+ @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! p% V. c I$ B) q> > proof of sickness.0 J- K! w6 x) B: x, S& y% E) ` N( b
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; _1 v8 }) C+ t' [
> > to come to work.1 e; k$ b+ b7 Q4 U. d* m4 |" T
> >) d" u$ x' W! x0 c
> > Holiday Days) e/ o' ]! \8 ^( f# t2 @0 Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 |) n7 p# _, |& O7 ?4 g8 V> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) a, Y) D m5 a g
> >
- a* x# Q5 O% O- ?3 S7 Y> > Compassionate Leave* X) K9 y" s8 m* K5 d7 m. [
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, ?7 j6 k# j- k9 F2 Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" w6 n, i% {2 F- h n. v, r/ k; k# E
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
% _. u1 A9 [" |# W; v> > employees attend to the arrangements.
4 Y& b- V. J) E* Q7 q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 N$ D1 H! K; H+ s& N3 U
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! p7 D3 F! a; C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
- r3 L2 F$ u# c# T$ ]' _) u- x> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 B8 I. }% K5 M- |8 j> > hour early.
5 A/ F' Z$ g, R h2 r> >
6 A; [! W; ^1 A, y/ n$ u7 f. U> > Toilet Use
; F+ S N; L) V# C" H1 l> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the4 e. e$ X, s6 A2 R" p; ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( m% H2 j* H, K2 m. i> > in the cubicles.# Q" G1 c3 ?$ G9 v0 a7 z2 \
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
$ N' A- p8 ?3 E> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) t$ j# e/ p) R* q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) s# W5 `0 [! M, {( T7 w' k5 s# J> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ t& P$ j; [* D" h y- u6 c) J> > posted on the company notice board under the! d! e$ q. g- K# q4 g
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ S' X* R( o* C; V7 c: P
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be# b( f; o4 e* e6 x
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 W. ^2 O' L0 I5 {/ k* Z0 {
> > policy.
5 A0 R8 n0 a$ M: ^- H; i& ?8 l> >
/ c5 P2 p8 g8 j& O1 E- U& M& H( ]> > Lunch Break' O$ b$ B$ m3 |% a0 }; b
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 s; }7 D$ j3 w" `4 X* u
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* ^0 {0 n5 i5 p$ @> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 S& W* B3 T* B( B& c5 U D( a4 B
> > maintain their average figure.+ h# M) e" [7 c
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 H6 F! Z1 [9 E- b% K' x> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ H& J8 e3 D- q& c7 H
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 ~! x) |$ I. ?. n) e Q! ^
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& M$ E% I; w) p# ?7 z9 `> > employment experience.2 ]' j' a& r6 m9 U
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,; {0 l) r; J" J
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- i: M' T1 u4 Q( s# o5 i# Q4 i
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 @+ @1 {6 E: f> > directed elsewhere. |
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