HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007) e0 T' f3 b/ I" q9 _( D0 d0 `
> >
> > Dress Code! [( k& \" R; M/ @
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 P6 j: {( i. I  ?- U: A
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) A; F+ J, m+ l, ^; e3 \% F* q: b
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not* q1 }, }* r8 I0 q5 N
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer  v$ P) x+ W% X* q! O+ k0 @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: D9 U! w7 i* D* R+ U- o3 x" `9 w9 ]
> > raise.
> >. G, x- b8 ]9 g$ {
> > Sick Days1 U1 Y1 S! o2 k8 a
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) p) K9 r  }7 W9 S* y' _+ R( w
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 L" Y/ K7 B" }4 {& Q  N/ N
> > to come to work.
> >
> > Holiday Days! P; l0 U  Z( b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 l% X1 }- I9 ^  j
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.5 L& x" G+ j; O. f  W( E+ |
> >1 H' \5 t3 ~: K0 z8 f; u  t
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing. X2 s/ N. E. d5 o5 ^& I( i
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ r! ?3 u6 k! A/ q( p3 S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 o' h5 }2 p* v/ S; [' a
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* Q" b, X# I; I, Y4 K  z
> > hour early.7 C" j5 Y- b; z4 T8 |) J
> ># a! O! S; J, L( L- ]( W: p. L' [9 a
> > Toilet Use' }: m" e6 w! ~% m- i
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ }& l1 D/ g2 x6 s
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit" Y! R/ [4 _5 M; y1 `* X; e" p
> > in the cubicles.; A. z% d- L1 r1 K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 Q" X/ r9 X5 |. G) r, \( z
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- \+ Q* q, _! t0 ?2 A; y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the+ O$ \* j0 C5 [3 \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ c7 d  S8 a  S3 U( X1 c# I; P
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 o, R, {" l* T3 Y9 k2 \
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy." _" E! Q. [: f, I- v- C" S8 O  Y
> >
> > Lunch Break" F  C. D" v2 a# ~1 E
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.# e, x8 A6 Y1 ^7 a
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 p3 T3 [! q3 F) a2 J: ~
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 O2 f2 B* F( k+ j& A! P* `
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive' X! d, k$ O: ^# D
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: Q  C  W/ @2 }
> > directed elsewhere.

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