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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
) K! b% O. d C: ^) M5 n& s> > Effective January 2007
5 ?, j& G: g0 a8 W P> >
& Z' l" z$ E; {) v> > Dress Code p4 N8 c9 F9 L" R7 U: I
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 i% q; q: S/ ]% ~3 U& l) O6 q7 }> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing- q% ?5 V7 n: ]) e& B) x8 q
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
2 }# X' s, F! w. S7 g/ v5 m) b5 x6 n> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not* ~; U% z* z- L' m) o) y& T1 M
> > need a pay raise.) X" _' K k, M' B. u
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
t: g+ ]5 T. g7 ]4 W- q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! q8 Q/ U+ w0 y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 z$ K8 p4 {7 m, i6 s
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! I% Z) i) T6 S) Z, s1 |> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
' O+ ?' M' h2 p> > raise.
( V% B/ K- L$ v" |% a+ H> >3 [! B5 k& w# m" W. V3 I
> > Sick Days
' p2 P3 Z4 j% O, C. o& d- ~! x> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 A4 y8 U6 v5 X. i1 ~3 x# P: u4 F, d> > proof of sickness.
! Q$ ^/ G. {2 M3 p; W H> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
: I5 C1 a; i7 W> > to come to work.
7 z- C) ^2 Q- C' V3 B# b2 |' p> >+ K. x) U J8 X: K* B' r6 }4 P0 x
> > Holiday Days
: K, S4 b# {' ?7 {# }, M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 C5 e6 p; i5 I; g5 W
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* B- w1 J1 o9 n3 b
> >
, f, Q6 w6 [: [9 u> > Compassionate Leave
; k: N1 }% G7 f) d1 q4 A0 S. F" b! ^1 e> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ i2 i7 k4 I5 _- f> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 y! s% X! l, s, o9 K1 @> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- d$ j8 A' b# A0 d$ I
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ r r0 I M. m1 j* v: l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, e9 Q6 D% A) S, R7 O4 ^> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ S0 ^9 O9 l1 n/ C: M
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ Q( ?' v: W. V; D
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 _9 ?# ]0 Z, ]; u> > hour early.
6 |/ P% P9 R% [# L4 Y6 t> >
" ^: ?$ W7 p! p" [% P8 X> > Toilet Use
( U& |6 a1 y5 O# Y/ m8 F# f4 a/ ^( V4 @> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 K# @5 x/ }/ p7 h5 A. y- b
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; ^ t+ M, D( b" t9 _0 V
> > in the cubicles.
0 p3 Z0 V7 C) k; Q$ m& `) _' b> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 O. s# v% o7 V; J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 _0 x' N8 d6 J: C& N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 ^6 m2 k7 r) Z& t2 H. u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be2 M4 o1 P1 r; D
> > posted on the company notice board under the
) Z0 {; X" [% H/ }% c7 w ?8 \> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
n' H+ d4 i* ]+ C+ ]5 ?> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ S" U" O1 I3 L
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 k/ T6 \# ?/ t( o> > policy.! g, C# y- h) R8 N
> >
& c# b. g H. M4 d/ {. m6 h: \> > Lunch Break' H5 I+ Y6 `, V
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, g& e& Y2 r y4 m ?1 B& T
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 V( M4 r+ W+ m p$ ~$ u+ }
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ v( C' }# K8 D+ |, R7 V- [. ~+ {, F> > maintain their average figure.
8 p# K$ [7 d; o" Z! `> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 g$ j- ]0 ^$ ]" S0 @> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 v' u7 H/ s/ c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' }8 H0 g+ w* F& Z3 `3 u& T
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
+ _' O6 _" j+ @: r$ s> > employment experience.
5 s; a4 G+ x, n4 r. u4 A> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
: l9 A- B+ L4 k7 m> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ j& c; l# i% X# O> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be Q1 G0 S7 ]0 c% F, x
> > directed elsewhere. |
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