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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
6 Q8 c3 N- W9 F1 ^5 M> > Effective January 2007
6 @' s% F( Q) V, B+ S> >
* R1 Y! d" @% b) A0 A/ G, F5 k G> > Dress Code
9 o' S1 ]5 S4 P+ B> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed( g& T1 C; W2 R H# R/ u( c
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ z2 K: q$ }1 E {: H> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 Y7 r5 V' t0 x. |
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 G9 [3 T! [: n
> > need a pay raise.
9 P& ^) f+ Q8 }6 g/ u/ {> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 l ]& d. E; p
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. G6 P2 H1 `$ k6 u# G" E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" P! `" r9 w# I6 y9 \> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you3 s8 e, I; a$ W. z9 g& s
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 i% Y* R# R; Z7 W% U6 \( j0 [
> > raise.
8 I: ~$ ?: F b" ?3 R> ># [7 v, [' O y; m( \
> > Sick Days
5 i: l; ?. u$ b9 U8 G9 ^5 |> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# r S2 Y0 L8 j8 @> > proof of sickness.* J! I& P9 O1 j1 K+ O0 d
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
& I. @, o) L1 m" [/ R+ d> > to come to work.
7 m- F- e& A" [) ]1 F$ }> >+ L! a" A- g! F" @' @
> > Holiday Days, |) h4 ]; W8 H6 x: Q7 ~( s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 _+ g5 E0 I, z$ g7 k; i0 r' h> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.$ i, |$ m6 R6 n
> >
: T3 ]' H/ S g/ V( \> > Compassionate Leave
3 i) u: _: r) n6 t> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 [$ h6 y5 X! x" q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( g" o' B3 Z& }5 E" `0 c0 n- L> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' k, K. T! N" {0 c/ |& s
> > employees attend to the arrangements.2 @, J5 }- [4 J: @1 A
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; E% G, A5 k2 ^ P. o2 U8 q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! Z# ~6 @( H: q& J9 [) \0 Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
9 z6 R% y: A! | }9 f* Z* n> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
& r* h; [) ]4 \" y1 t> > hour early.' g9 ?& |, d' a( j$ w- \
> > r5 O7 V2 f( J$ X1 y( y9 Y
> > Toilet Use- I. |# I- s; A6 e( u: h- q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; e3 r n0 h. s! a, F1 ^( G1 ?5 C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ D" i, ]5 C* k5 a
> > in the cubicles.
/ H" A J* u! ^3 H' A> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" u, S" j, N; k+ H& @> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 N" t% V) t1 @. `
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 z) Q) ]+ w- a9 V> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 Z% m& C' ?( e% L
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 @6 i' e7 v* H
> > "Chronic Offenders" category." m4 A; x3 j; l0 Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be/ t' v/ i5 j' z$ b( I
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% _" _! R! w" g( ~" R( `
> > policy.
: ^$ g3 F. O& d1 F* K5 m4 u7 w: K/ E> >
1 W' `& `$ I% p/ j> > Lunch Break
^/ c, v8 F. ?: |4 f> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they5 I' B( f$ j' [
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( \0 e3 Q1 b7 e3 A" Y* Z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% E$ H3 `' v5 Z5 s) S1 ]1 E
> > maintain their average figure.! w1 S' ~+ E1 C
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" a- w) M" C% w5 I" m0 [
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* p" m/ b' B/ `6 G" k; L2 W# g
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 d8 J$ L5 x" ^. h8 p6 N$ w7 o3 T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
( [ l Y O5 v9 V; p3 v) A> > employment experience.9 c2 F2 V: W* P* W0 T; ]
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
. x7 d: c3 i# ^5 k- U+ Q: f3 ~> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 O$ b9 D" E- A+ \8 e8 E> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: x: F2 Y/ O" M+ k m> > directed elsewhere. |
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