HR MEMO

To all Employees:: c0 @+ J. }8 Y8 f( h
> >                   Effective January 2007
> >5 Q& |) M0 A6 F: T
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: P# y# T+ R7 C+ x% h6 }: F* |* t+ D
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 O, k, Z3 I) |- ~0 K" B; R
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.% y' f# ~0 @3 r+ x
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer9 C. E/ r$ J1 y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.& i/ v; P/ F8 W7 v* f# [3 M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% h2 q% Q6 R/ v& M) ]
> > raise.1 O* }; [+ u1 m  n
> >  y( \5 G3 o4 I7 |5 x
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness., p$ ?* J' I: A+ B; J$ X0 _$ \
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.
> >
> > Holiday Days: U" W+ E: u" w/ |7 L8 }% E
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >: L, L! J' g" W. H1 @
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing( d7 E5 Z/ ?9 r0 {3 R6 X+ P
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; m1 R, ^4 u' ]+ n
> > hour early.
> >
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit" P; e# A. \8 t5 j
> > in the cubicles.9 }5 q9 N6 T$ ~# o
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 u6 ^* ]4 @" [& t+ q6 l- B+ f/ w+ n
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 u' U4 T0 `. O; P5 \8 ~* G0 k
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# e' Y5 r! U0 N8 c5 I+ \* e) y4 M! m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 G% {2 Z+ m; e  L" y; l8 D/ c) ~- _
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- n# Z+ i) |+ s- W1 o' y7 z# K
> > policy.! E0 l3 V+ L. X, f4 b
> >2 @2 t( B7 Q$ c8 K( g6 l
> > Lunch Break$ R( h+ s; l& p& N6 w* Q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 A1 r- T2 _) K, O3 A% i( l
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 W; U- u2 }- ~
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( c' [2 t4 z+ A* I
> > directed elsewhere.

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