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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
/ {$ i1 S n0 z> > Effective January 2007
5 u9 ~& H( r; [$ }; ?( A7 K> >
- r M9 j9 x' F7 _ b> > Dress Code& Z, S/ X6 V8 y6 o: q; ` d
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
+ W2 c6 T9 k5 D" s/ o$ `> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& p6 G: J8 m( S> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, u: Z% K' Z$ P> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
" y# Z2 U' J* e- q7 z& a> > need a pay raise.6 I1 Q2 ^- Q6 _9 P' N# Z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 B* @2 `+ ?/ i* z, L
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer8 |9 g' N$ J+ z/ B4 C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 e T7 _4 A( C2 o> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you9 q& T* u4 z- D- O7 L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
( G4 n6 L% d: s> > raise.
) Z3 W c: h2 A6 _# }. W* \) l> ># S7 E' k/ F0 s; Q3 q% l. a
> > Sick Days
( Z. E; _. S5 D& `- s" J) D> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% G/ i- F9 r( f
> > proof of sickness.+ B; |% J" l" E' X6 K( \% W1 ~
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) [- p/ i! U' P
> > to come to work.
6 Y0 D0 Q. e6 p5 P4 n; D; }. m3 d> >) h5 G" T* r1 H- `+ m5 n+ U
> > Holiday Days
4 s7 I& Z. l V }% q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) ]) L6 b3 _' T! u/ x1 f> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- N p2 z7 @* N8 i- ^2 x
> >& f8 {! O7 ^7 Z+ {3 s
> > Compassionate Leave; `; v5 ]6 k" P
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" u$ R% v& ~2 H) d+ X" F- n b8 o> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-( `3 C/ s1 w7 H+ ^$ Z# T% ^
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. M8 H5 b) U# S u9 D> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( D! E: L1 M+ ^( m- C> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
) y3 z4 Q4 F- H* d) L z O- X> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) C! M+ Z6 w; e5 b W
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 i! d; L. w* d/ R1 d7 b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* c2 D2 q! W7 d2 o6 I* T> > hour early.5 ?, {1 a5 q/ f; g2 a- r' g8 T
> >) _2 E# \. ~& s( X5 A3 _& Z( ]9 w
> > Toilet Use
3 S* c9 o+ U+ p5 L/ f> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 G `' P( t: c" |* Y- G2 C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: o5 a+ M& x( V
> > in the cubicles.
& b0 b4 f4 u' n+ Y/ g! i. R; s> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% |6 y. z2 ^. X4 ? x8 E- D$ O> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 B# V2 |) \- g& A0 r9 n> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ a/ F, Q8 u& b8 Y! z/ y
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% ~0 G* q" Z& ~) @> > posted on the company notice board under the
c& t1 \3 H+ n& ^& j5 Y+ A> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
% F6 N, N( M, `0 {+ {' O2 ~& U> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- w k+ x* ^3 q: `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 z8 C5 z% f/ ^
> > policy.
" _0 j% `, ] g( T* T> >
$ I! D' P& ?9 j; k- |' g. @' a" p> > Lunch Break0 t8 l( y: e( l1 `2 Q6 k
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: G5 n$ ^- k. N5 V> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- f) x" h7 o7 M: Y/ M0 y2 o> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to: o. c" ?4 U. s7 F6 ~
> > maintain their average figure.
* Q0 g' v; c4 \- u+ m3 f> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 X- ~0 l2 g9 V9 F Q2 g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 _2 }* \: Z$ t. e: O" J% v> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
7 v2 \* i* b! h, v+ @- j& c3 P1 S> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! w4 I& Q/ m" c9 m
> > employment experience.2 p+ B! ?3 Y/ j. M
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, u d/ s/ X6 Z2 }
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, U+ Q* n" z2 ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 |3 x9 a5 k( H# |2 `. v> > directed elsewhere. |
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