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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
2 u; ^4 m6 x" s9 _5 N> > Effective January 2007" J3 u) ~3 c4 @, A0 D
> >
0 Q6 w1 s2 P) F) D- I> > Dress Code
4 |6 Z; s t0 A4 T0 w+ k> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed* t# j3 Z) T9 d0 R$ F x
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- p! u% I7 `2 ^ f) v, z0 }> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% Z$ G& a+ L( U( e! J2 F> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 Q5 h5 r, G z& B, Q
> > need a pay raise.5 l" Z: e/ i o e
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# X- P* q: O8 n$ z# {2 ~
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer: A- Q6 W) s4 v7 I, e9 z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 w( @) R# U! B, ~) }4 o! {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ |' q. c( L) A+ l1 t> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
_: B7 K6 m6 R& r> > raise.3 |8 X _) A) F& s- B
> >0 l# g4 H" a7 H9 ^7 H, u0 ], X" I( Y
> > Sick Days
2 _- T/ u. `0 Y2 a0 o" [( f3 l9 o> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. W: w/ e! B9 |3 n> > proof of sickness.
, ] p" w8 j; c' V9 G3 o' j) v$ g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able& ` _( h9 E0 f; L, u) f8 q
> > to come to work.9 S4 E( T- r! F1 M& C9 n; v2 g
> >6 ~1 j) Y t% m
> > Holiday Days
& P) r. I# E/ S$ }4 K& b> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ ]5 A/ n: i" V8 @> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.* A. |8 \1 N& X/ ~( x& y
> >
E. d7 @2 }& ~' w8 l! j> > Compassionate Leave$ T1 @/ S, T" l
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* M0 } I, }# H> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-' s: k; K/ |3 v4 i1 s ?1 _
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 i% |: U2 v5 z: W% O> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 b! E9 K. B6 f- E2 m$ v' b5 _> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ B) F) k: ^6 f# L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, C3 }. O0 r- x! o5 y. G
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; ?& P" ?# [% n. C& O, X" C% b
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
% A! { V: g- i1 ^7 R7 A% X> > hour early.
! y7 V, `: J- U i" S> >
7 a4 [/ F* A- _1 K$ [> > Toilet Use
& z* G! `1 f. Z& t' ^7 k> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ f7 R$ |5 h% k
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit# R4 S" f/ x) k5 y! |
> > in the cubicles.+ s* |5 `9 n' J5 ]0 I' {2 Z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% L) ` i4 q y' j, W8 J1 I> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
. x$ \3 v, A2 R; B) L2 Y- K e> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' d, F% @6 u" }
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 i# A7 ]. Z$ K$ n8 N& {9 E8 _> > posted on the company notice board under the- w4 @- X" ^/ U2 r2 E' E; b
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 S5 u' K7 P1 C( W> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be( ^# k7 Q/ q+ S; w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health0 ^0 E2 Q1 ]% \5 W
> > policy. i9 x9 C! m' I+ v
> > @' F. [2 ~) Z. q2 S
> > Lunch Break
& O# D5 z) E, Z8 [, O# [9 z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ V' {; }- @% y( t% l> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' I. \; P' O8 E1 Q" r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ V' [$ z* T3 v4 S! c' ^& ?> > maintain their average figure.
9 K3 q5 ?& A X# z; g> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time* d9 {& Z# P6 G- W# N' ~2 d, V
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) i9 q( \. |$ c9 j. A" E6 j* D
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
) h* v2 Z9 _ Y4 ~, W$ X1 m+ [6 o" ~> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# a; b% I" @* V: n1 W
> > employment experience.! I) M( ^8 T& t8 z9 j. B9 d! m% I
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
9 M% \8 @" \# H. L: E* X> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,+ |/ @- l& T5 W, A; A
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ N6 a$ A, F8 \7 h> > directed elsewhere. |
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