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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:: L) v0 W, {4 y- ~0 l1 z
> > Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code1 J, w' I* [7 u( o
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 C) O2 `. c5 R* K" V: ~3 T# n
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
" D& F4 W9 j2 U0 ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ S( S) c, U7 w6 }4 h. ?- X T
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 p! |, z+ ?& E2 Q7 e2 b* }
> > need a pay raise.
; d+ F3 ^# w: K% y2 f& M6 B# q& C> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 H" L+ [" a2 j) g4 @2 q G+ K: d> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* r* E/ u" D$ u0 V$ v' n& q> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
; T6 O5 M5 N* ^) E/ `5 S> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you( c" U9 E$ }7 W& U! @. P. p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% k" q- m" r. h" r0 A
> > raise.' Z* ]7 S0 c* h1 U
> >( K! ^1 A: t* A% v, `6 |6 N3 D
> > Sick Days# j, D; N+ g1 `9 F1 j/ ^
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# _9 o3 x! v% D8 l8 v
> > proof of sickness." D9 w, \6 V# {9 m' I
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' e. Z! L0 l3 ~8 J
> > to come to work.: J6 X. Q: @2 Y) O( P
> >1 F0 k. t4 W. h6 r) Y
> > Holiday Days {% j/ E3 t: d& F
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# Z9 S. ^2 ?! Z3 v- U7 n, j> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% n6 t9 g; ?7 ]( m2 a7 g
> >
- w! a* z3 ]+ `- o. H1 T \8 m> > Compassionate Leave
+ O$ H$ C& l5 E' ^> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 e/ P4 n/ P% N9 O; r
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- G U; G: Z- j" `: [% `2 n6 u" d
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. O' a3 q+ C+ L! k. d; c+ ?# y& h> > employees attend to the arrangements.
: C( D3 u4 q4 x) x> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* E5 u9 K+ J- y8 [$ v: s6 Y1 f
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
: F; V6 q# H- t' Q" {> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
- E% @* X! X0 o5 z, k) a7 Q$ y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ V% E$ g3 C# ~3 I, S> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
4 N+ z6 L+ P1 q/ A) c9 Z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) D. j( b# R1 v& n o- `$ i N; j> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
! o, M3 i2 [, Y" n2 @7 m: D1 m% k> > in the cubicles.: Y4 V1 o. `$ a( F4 v+ W
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 l4 Z- F2 \6 g8 J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 f9 ]! a, S+ E* O7 b0 U+ g* i
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! p6 o8 |! J8 V3 c
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 X; l5 Z2 [. r- j* |' j
> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 Z H7 A) q% b+ j8 v/ V> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 O6 O9 r9 Y0 x# X. ~$ I
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be U( n+ U0 \1 e7 @3 N
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 t9 S1 p6 Q- z/ t& H
> > policy.
" y% H' C* b; ~7 ~: D$ D4 w8 v> >
& x2 R# U4 [5 ~ I$ `1 o, `8 O> > Lunch Break
' \/ U6 n8 f i$ F1 G9 O5 K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
4 k, d$ h9 J' w7 O! I. D$ t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ b, f/ u8 [3 b3 \' ^5 q+ `5 W* _: [
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 P' F1 _, B" m0 S9 h, S
> > maintain their average figure.
3 _; K% J7 K( w" q% c6 a# S; |# u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 [/ m# x! y9 o/ f
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 j2 D' V4 r& X( c> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# U* ?- w- _( a2 h5 w2 q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 J- Q& @9 e S4 P
> > employment experience.0 C! E* }. e/ z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* h* \$ D n% m N& s6 R @
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' J/ [. d% B) ~1 L! @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 m; \; A9 B5 \- O5 _! t
> > directed elsewhere. |
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