HR MEMO

To all Employees:5 Y* c( Y$ [% x9 W/ ~. }/ J0 c
> >                   Effective January 2007& n5 u6 U4 Y9 H) H5 q
> >
> > Dress Code  [% P* Q& h6 [* Z9 K/ T. A) S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) j$ X5 a9 Z5 V0 ~9 }  Z" \
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" S) c) X' v" p4 W% H: {1 e* m
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; N+ m# Y! l9 _* B/ ?) s; N8 T7 @
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& s6 J8 W5 ^# |  n9 `/ t& T$ E  r. E# K$ R. c
> > need a pay raise.2 A+ p$ q6 T3 O) ?2 r' L
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ g9 d7 P) P8 p, t6 C- Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.# o6 R. O. l" L' x, ~, I7 x
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; f  x9 W# E$ j
> > raise.5 C  q0 S# P6 x1 [
> >) s% Z& R) x" m" P. l, D
> > Sick Days# D; w) O0 T: W( x; A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 Y& a8 s& k! @9 G- T* g- _1 B. t
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.
> >
> > Holiday Days! j- @% v; O5 I% m: S) `3 F
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." l8 \- s9 P* M0 |7 B* Q! ~+ ^
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: I1 G4 `9 @! U  T: _
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 ~" P6 ^3 I7 ~5 L" Z/ \
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 Z! I# T+ Z: {3 ?) v  H
> > hour early.# Y8 x$ M0 A9 t) F+ N# u
> >2 V- p! F# H, J
> > Toilet Use# F- F, x. K* ~
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 `6 j# M; O3 l' q* U
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; C4 E- ?3 {  e& B4 I9 n6 o* d
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ X' \2 @# O* l/ u' \3 ?6 l' G+ ]% ?+ m
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 C; b; M  k% W; _& {" T
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  [" u+ o( i& q7 W
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health; c3 C) z/ b" O. i# O! I
> > policy.
> >
> > Lunch Break; q8 u0 B) v, ^
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& ~: q, A# x( c+ M& `% T
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time$ e  [" p" H) j9 b6 {2 F
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. P3 \7 T3 n& v0 ~5 K$ ?
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" W5 P  S+ S1 D. _1 J2 k& U
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ u- s4 h5 t4 _$ d9 M! a* E  I
> > employment experience.5 q  _9 A2 G. `1 S; b% f8 Z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 N1 @2 V/ L5 ]9 a: x, w
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 j, ?3 E. ~5 Z; [( h
> > directed elsewhere.

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