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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
& f1 N1 O7 u& m1 r> > Effective January 2007
5 G, l/ i( q% Z> >
* j0 g R5 c: f1 D! ^> > Dress Code/ q5 G8 H+ d+ H1 H) o
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 B% f6 x: y" D* w! W
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# u. y! N! a4 H> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) H7 f' V) _; G9 @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( p5 G- n( D6 p: t* j( \2 a$ M4 I+ q
> > need a pay raise.
8 B3 _9 @6 R9 K. `* b9 K& _9 h3 F> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage3 Y% V& f4 ^: S3 W* u9 [
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
: n6 F& s0 j4 O) l5 |> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) Q/ P+ |$ \) X& m/ i) h- [3 E: I9 O) y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ ]+ x! a* ~' U. L) ]- c+ D
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 q' {7 x+ e+ z! c7 M# Q
> > raise.
8 c' l+ t5 a) p3 A. w> >
8 V+ o9 \! v6 A> > Sick Days6 N; s* G2 P9 c* A0 k$ E$ M. z# B
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( v( a/ T, L& l* A ?( w; b
> > proof of sickness.
" Z1 q$ |2 V. M8 ?/ v8 g* E> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 c; J' k$ n. A# N> > to come to work.
: @1 X. D5 C2 @; ^; d> >
- o3 H, h! G2 l- t" T> > Holiday Days2 M# l- x, e, h, h C% b- B
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a' n: u$ x; s* {2 R. }1 C0 h7 F D9 G
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' S+ u9 O5 v! Y> >5 x. L# Y1 r* T4 v G
> > Compassionate Leave s& k& |3 o' u& c0 o4 X5 ]% M q; b
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. Q% w3 L' J, [# T P> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- ]1 Y) I" _( x( g8 X+ l- J5 l
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" O' m, Z9 F) d2 h* R) s: S> > employees attend to the arrangements.3 H3 |4 v' z6 q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
' _$ ~( e1 }+ `# K- K> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
5 v4 [& G4 K; W7 o> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" V2 ^/ A9 u* p6 T' J4 I8 Z" `: T7 x! ^> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one G( x/ h# }' t% I6 K2 |3 z e" V
> > hour early./ h* s3 ], D# D; ?$ r. y
> >
. x4 U$ ^; a9 A% b' ^0 n> > Toilet Use
+ m- `+ s) B& H, X> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 F' f: _, u* C# h9 z' C
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: I; \% o8 _2 D# {8 B0 c% f
> > in the cubicles.
* H" x& j P' g> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 W' U3 d' m1 ?0 ^ r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ z" Y1 k% d( d4 [# R> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
T$ D6 d ~6 c. e! n( x# ~+ i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* h6 Y" l) \8 S> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 ~8 b" k) S7 @* ^) o. b* D7 V2 H& U> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: j. M6 I4 \( D% a- b& Y' D: p
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
' l; }2 S# q; Z3 ] o \> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- h1 q, v# ?) [3 ]' T# s> > policy.. `1 j Q# w3 l" ?. K0 p# H
> >+ A [" ^; g8 C% ^
> > Lunch Break
* ]' c- u% d I* S> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ e% d1 {( F& f* A> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy./ r4 [. D% R: e
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 p3 A: u# z* d3 w" ]7 z2 @( L" \/ x9 }> > maintain their average figure.
f h% ~) H o1 X4 P+ ]; w/ }> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 y' k" Z/ M$ w9 M> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# l" ^7 m1 m8 j' k' O> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are d2 }6 D1 b- {3 K
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, p& a& }2 U3 k0 f3 U: X
> > employment experience.
# t4 G' m7 q9 Y& B, D m> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ N, U7 u% b3 U1 W7 M> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
1 x% G6 D% B4 K! T: R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 E4 C. o/ P1 D8 q
> > directed elsewhere. |
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