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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:% T; Y/ k& f- `/ h; S
> > Effective January 2007$ F( c, ?0 d0 N
> >
% s# a6 i; F. A/ i Z> > Dress Code7 J! s% Q! k6 j% y& h
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% e1 p7 g3 {& ~/ G: Y4 a
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 s d0 Z, Z W4 m' p6 M; |> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 H- X- i& E' b V> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
k2 I0 K. f2 U! H. a+ K> > need a pay raise.
C& E+ }3 H) A) v9 q> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 M" z& x2 l4 }3 A8 K> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 @, `+ k6 Y* J+ {$ R) i! h
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ V' p" s) a6 w! X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 n$ n8 w6 z# w7 r5 b
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- T5 V) t' P0 T& R; J
> > raise.: b* W' C( Z, A g
> >
% L& S1 }- _/ m9 \" V> > Sick Days5 D5 U! M# S& m* I" t( x1 i' n1 E
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 c2 u1 S! n8 D9 h
> > proof of sickness.
' f- a+ i1 Z* o& D9 I> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ V3 B5 z! V$ P+ K9 \> > to come to work." c( G% u* l; B7 Q
> >, e: f; i9 X- D
> > Holiday Days
( d/ _7 L" t' }# H% ^ N' w D* K> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. B6 D3 \* s6 w+ v> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
- `" k' a- P3 {9 }> >8 ^ J5 D% u, q3 L
> > Compassionate Leave0 P! t! C+ Y6 B! m) ?3 {. R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 T. C; e0 v( U: b- h$ O1 X> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
7 A, v& `$ f2 X' N! x8 O0 @> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# ^2 N6 a" R% M# Z+ Y5 A
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 @& f& Q# U3 k
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ @& D4 [: V6 c
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# I( _) I: @* w; G( z- O# [) X; E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, f8 g% u2 Z* Z4 i9 K' ]9 T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 n$ D4 H- U5 m. n: d
> > hour early.4 }' x9 K& R7 `% \, L
> >7 Z u# T0 N. P5 w8 o* {0 |/ H8 {
> > Toilet Use# j7 N# r5 g `/ a; {, e
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ a2 o0 u# Z9 n4 {" P: m> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( i1 G! j$ ?+ L \2 l> > in the cubicles.
* b! t: d K% M" d4 k> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 z* @7 r# z7 y/ T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle, K/ [, N/ o$ o7 X
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! o: l i/ k8 u$ F, D* y& k> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* P. j! d1 I& O9 ?2 S' n$ Z0 r> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ @4 ]- E. ^! ~8 ]! j/ J' C> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* c* u# `6 s! Y; |: L, M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% _' W) H" }' H" Z, ~1 _- o# ]6 t> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- ?& _! s" z- E> > policy.$ W: q1 v1 s: ]
> >' p8 g3 c( v3 s5 n* G9 l4 R$ U0 C
> > Lunch Break3 H* ^* b6 l1 t3 R% D
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 X4 `, W7 \. f3 w2 I> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.& [* _; C% F% x6 Y/ m3 q: u7 D
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& C# h4 r/ G% z# g
> > maintain their average figure.3 n3 i x! ~/ B8 \: h: }) H
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 X- P7 n- o* [+ v& u
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 {3 V; i1 N n! l( U> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 D v* _8 h, x% v; c
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 G6 J& R: z) q0 [- a2 ~
> > employment experience.
* b; \' c; u9 ]$ w9 o9 I. i2 w k> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,5 I9 s7 ^' ]0 d) Q2 @5 ^
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 F& \) v" u2 T1 l% U3 _> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 w4 L- k5 z- ?5 N2 h2 ?7 f
> > directed elsewhere. |
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