HR MEMO

To all Employees:" n$ j4 I* l, ^( B  @
> >                   Effective January 20074 M( W/ \; o( N
> >
> > Dress Code! j- \5 f. A! Q9 h2 _7 j
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: `/ t- l; ?) M, r5 w+ R
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: J& V* Z" F% i" a9 e( }* y0 o
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 [, M, h8 J0 H8 v2 J
> > need a pay raise.# E% l$ y4 V' c% m9 Z: S
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 I  h5 [  j, O2 W6 h/ y2 t" f, _
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer  j) l0 Q  B; @( @4 I: v, ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ `" J# v  t3 c3 Z/ M/ Z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; ^4 k2 P6 Y% {& r
> > raise.8 `0 R" M9 U& }2 Y( K$ p
> >7 b" \- w4 V% H- @
> > Sick Days; R/ \" }8 D6 _4 z2 q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness.. N, s* i* s; x; M9 L4 B; @. j  W
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.
> >8 E. c* |, _! i$ Q
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( B& u1 u. }( T: c7 ~/ u+ I/ S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- [. G; G+ U+ j$ V& p8 z
> >1 z9 ?& c+ }! b* z/ q  h/ h- o
> > Compassionate Leave  l/ @9 c$ o9 j' Z8 d
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-9 Q, K8 z! D, g
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 e6 l6 R, p6 s2 o
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is' J+ N( w# P8 J8 c$ N9 J; n- [9 [
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the  O& E2 C( E% @. x1 t2 r
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' }" v" x) j6 _6 s% S8 _
> > hour early.& i! O, a# M8 \
> >
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. G7 ^' e% n. b: G% L; r
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) T9 }4 e0 [% l# q; A' a4 m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  \, M; d& ]( R" @1 g" C, T! I% F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be, \. ~2 ]% P6 C" E3 f
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health% {* }9 r; z) c. k, m+ E' D
> > policy.+ b  K1 @, T  N5 Y% v3 V! L
> >0 H& t; q& `1 E" |" H, O$ s  w
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 J! a1 f. c+ b: S
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.% z9 N3 {5 h6 x& z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' w# `1 {' \# c
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; P5 y* [& S, R7 \! D# K) x9 P
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 h, p+ h4 h8 l
> > employment experience.$ E& U) ]. V' Q8 Z" s- Z0 o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," V4 ?/ V% q4 c/ N! \
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: a; X! c/ J( Y/ G
> > directed elsewhere.

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