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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
1 v3 q+ ?+ |6 Y5 `$ f: s> > Effective January 2007$ K/ e% ^8 h2 |; o- I% P {
> >
6 d9 t- a' o. R6 j6 I) m5 P: @, P" _> > Dress Code
& t! M& p$ B3 ]" E5 |> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. U1 Q( R/ O' |1 f
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! R% [4 o( n; E7 |( s
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ {/ k& F0 y% n+ x5 L+ a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: z+ }! ?3 B2 }4 a) O> > need a pay raise.
3 V, G1 ]) K! Z' F! o> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 b" ~9 H9 c, n" |* \% k5 j
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- v; `; |4 o4 t( n3 W
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: A$ H; {: `2 @> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( A0 q9 C6 D L> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" n. j3 p! ?" m! t2 h> > raise.
0 i5 g. Z- p$ Q) I- P> >4 p3 y' b6 z: H5 S1 p
> > Sick Days
6 I, \" Y% y/ O8 R; }# c1 h> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 \% K/ C4 v9 t) e# U
> > proof of sickness.
6 ?% f7 `* o+ ^9 J4 w8 G; Q% |> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 S G* n9 B' z0 M# `. r2 |3 T
> > to come to work.
s6 y! I O+ @# q! x> >
6 `) u: a0 `) J# X- Y> > Holiday Days9 h. u4 R' I2 E8 N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% E0 [# |/ k9 c) B% J5 f- A> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.9 @- A. A$ y' e6 J& s
> >
/ x. P0 w# B, t> > Compassionate Leave4 N) o; C( q( B, B- ~0 M7 J
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ ^* d+ W" h( K |1 ~* p$ B0 q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
+ ?( N" H4 `2 T- s% ` k; Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; u; s2 c( F& B( G3 j* p$ o> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 A7 [# n& {8 u' H. c" Q h> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 L) ~" U8 D, P2 x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 x2 V1 f* z0 h3 E/ j. e4 @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
- O- e. Y7 N$ u) N. d; Q) T4 S6 Q. I> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' G6 H5 V7 Y: ^6 X> > hour early.# {2 Q' R) x/ j) b: @" N2 q. B
> >
+ |2 t: f* i! _2 Z> > Toilet Use) v! C4 L- w/ \* V
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# P2 n% t, D1 G5 v> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 @! h$ e6 x9 U0 r0 b! \# r+ y> > in the cubicles.1 u0 j5 B! ~7 _% x5 Y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! i {$ W& D, v4 X! f> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 H3 p5 ?+ M! _: U1 E" ]
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- I& ~0 s# j2 X% i3 g$ `
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% j5 H' x, M/ {+ E v> > posted on the company notice board under the9 ^# Y3 s! x* u/ P/ b
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
2 b y! t/ \4 B/ i+ _+ t> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! G, Z E# R# F$ j: W
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) x( x$ k" U0 l0 a: g> > policy.# ?+ e4 p# F. `9 z
> >2 h7 @9 Q$ M: M: b; N9 _7 U" _
> > Lunch Break5 J4 ~/ h& D1 G$ q% c+ [/ H
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
2 \% L6 L' E* }" M: y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
" I0 D0 I6 W, J: J7 G4 t> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. f3 w& ?$ p" U, S0 s1 E; J
> > maintain their average figure.5 J. f4 r+ b4 F# B: X# O- x, `0 q' F
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% H. d( J( q1 S9 k8 F8 v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 M+ H& t3 Q; h& y2 x> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 s8 `( S( e, ^% G2 @' a3 ]3 `
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
1 f5 f3 c% P; Z- S4 @2 p> > employment experience.4 F. H" O& j8 x4 D
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* d( v/ U# X9 O7 w9 F- |> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. q! I5 p4 z) b8 v P! o* J9 X> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
6 w2 k& ]6 _9 @2 i% H> > directed elsewhere. |
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