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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
& Y" e2 m5 r/ i: ~( w) _) E> > Effective January 2007+ E9 w" t* U3 l1 ^4 y
> >
% ~. [* R& t1 I, {% u/ {> > Dress Code
. U( _; k% g/ U4 v' W> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% E( k2 l, Y, y: Y. [6 n* G, `
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 Q( k( {, c) g- F9 b
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) }6 m8 M- T0 j
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* W' i1 ^& ^8 R$ \- o; p7 [: `> > need a pay raise.
- B$ C, r# h* B% |8 y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
; @" U: b2 o( g2 v! q' b, f> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 W- e6 ^/ B2 o$ _> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! q/ _5 P* Q: p: Q7 C$ s
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) {" ^7 D6 w @; E* ~- g> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# J& L- x- I: Q- s
> > raise.( s) t; A9 ^/ A. \% T& V6 R
> >' k/ Z" e/ i& g) A1 s$ ~/ @
> > Sick Days
( t! o3 m% T6 `> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 B. {. r0 |) o' R* R7 c; ^9 |
> > proof of sickness.0 O! U5 I" s! m1 `
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
& t1 q9 M- N' [" T9 Z, p8 ]5 E> > to come to work.
- D9 w0 |$ X$ R7 c5 _" T" P> >
2 L2 S- X9 O6 `# J3 J> > Holiday Days
+ q- ~6 W" X7 ?( j+ G> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ e, M% O2 W2 J5 J3 _- M
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday./ I- |9 z' ?4 z( x* E# r
> >- ^5 X* R; k7 V/ o/ T; L. v
> > Compassionate Leave) B! M4 Y1 \ @7 r
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& p. j- m/ `$ q0 q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 w2 p9 G7 p! o6 a$ i, _' e2 j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
' a9 D! O2 ~/ E" |* M> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 p. O V" Z) E. K, s
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is1 a9 F& ~9 D" G/ H9 G2 m0 g
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 U* c) H7 O |> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ {# X" y+ [- u/ A5 q6 a. v
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 T# T4 L+ @5 g7 Y6 z> > hour early.# s; w) x) M+ C/ y! m/ o. N& z
> >
. A2 m; }- z6 z4 {> > Toilet Use
" r; g/ ]( ?+ @( J- @( x* R> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the! f `0 t5 @, p
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ o1 y, R6 Q" {5 @' t( `> > in the cubicles.2 T7 E" z! x. }' @7 x
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& {) R2 V# ]/ }5 _5 u6 p> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ p$ z% k1 ~. Q$ d9 K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! |& {2 G w7 J, u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be/ ]$ f4 n/ E" L; c. T1 ~: ]
> > posted on the company notice board under the) p3 }- t' M7 ]6 ^6 |
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, X' m5 [( F( C/ B% u( h> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 h+ |/ L0 }# V1 @' l D
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health" N9 n( ^2 q9 T! B8 M
> > policy.) x+ r: X, A, r( {
> >
! Q6 J8 M5 f5 [& c6 a) a> > Lunch Break, t3 S# p/ i h: y& ?1 c% v
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ x# u4 O5 A/ e# T
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& ?+ e7 }8 [8 ^$ P> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) c3 z/ y% Z5 j6 Q& w; ]+ A> > maintain their average figure.! M+ |5 I+ x4 o* o8 s/ m. P
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 \' m+ N$ T& H: i> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' H9 |9 S( h7 o+ M' ~4 G$ F
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: f- G. p3 S( J" c) { X0 i) S
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 W2 u: X2 M2 P Y" [- K* ` k> > employment experience.8 b* J) d" E. m4 l
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- D. @. |! d6 x- @4 w( h9 H> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 P: ?0 b8 N5 z3 Y; h7 k3 B" k- w2 S
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 q8 v, x) m6 _; P5 s. p# \
> > directed elsewhere. |
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