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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:1 E5 u9 A/ K; F+ S) K7 G* k$ i
> > Effective January 2007
6 }! H2 @& U9 p' N( D> >
; {4 z U. H$ k3 r( l6 s> > Dress Code
# s6 L: Q9 O: w. ^> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 E) v2 u# ~% j3 g- R0 e
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 d$ F. Q; t3 m! J
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! _) {3 p/ S+ s& U& |, ?4 b# B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 O+ m; P5 o# S( Q b
> > need a pay raise.
% A- `. a# {/ D7 n' k: `3 Q> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% q5 a0 D! p0 ~4 F# q6 E
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, {5 {2 d! i' f, s& F; \# V [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 c$ U5 w. P3 Q: i
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! j/ M) s1 `8 ]9 [* r> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
6 [. Q" l" h. A> > raise./ M. N! G; ^3 `& ^
> >
. p) j# {0 i$ L7 p U& S> > Sick Days
. f2 a! p2 O4 v, G5 j: x> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as t. r6 ], B! k9 T: }
> > proof of sickness.
. U1 u# J) n1 O* J> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# v: \2 C7 K$ j$ j
> > to come to work.
1 E6 X; v0 m4 ^& C. x: u8 t- Z1 P4 h> >
- v5 h! ^ V3 S4 p> > Holiday Days
7 ~* g# [) z* }/ @> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
" N; `2 A$ L+ X$ c. a> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
2 O9 r _/ V) }> >6 p" r q! z4 X, O
> > Compassionate Leave1 y6 K3 r8 Y) l2 b; {
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 j' }7 p1 D+ X5 G( F( x> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-' [' T8 f2 L8 M3 H/ \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ ?3 o+ B5 n( C2 g: c" t$ B> > employees attend to the arrangements. |! J( `3 q* S( C: @8 ?
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- }0 j1 S/ J6 u$ O1 ]' }$ J
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ e e8 M7 N' A+ R- e3 c
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 H# ?% c$ q$ E+ Q" |7 Q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
4 F7 V6 D2 k8 n$ }( T) Y; u> > hour early.
/ G2 D/ V; P5 e> >
1 S% I$ w5 X4 ~3 n+ U) s! F> > Toilet Use$ a9 }# y; I* y; r$ Y3 Y/ J5 L, s
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& S0 M: z5 v( Z, S3 ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 n6 T2 o4 [6 ^1 Y" C> > in the cubicles.
; Y: v# \! E2 D g3 v( z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- v/ B7 T" z7 v7 Q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! J& w0 ?# Y: Q% D& o# ^% e
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" p( M- j7 P. D; l6 @> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
`2 I' ^ P0 S! P> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 ?* }: C; E9 A( ]+ s" n> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
! I. X! J3 J7 l2 g: P z" ]> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
/ G; }- Q5 I5 }4 k& Q5 r> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 s: {/ S" ~2 s' U# J> > policy.. `$ T9 ]9 N8 U
> >
& U- K8 z1 R! v N1 V* v! Z: ]0 D> > Lunch Break
B( ^, A! D/ m# k> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ a7 O& ], \. `- U( W- t7 a" V( J> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 A) c2 N& B5 A& p8 V- D> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- K0 h: y9 \4 y> > maintain their average figure.6 ~8 l) H0 B" y, r& U
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 o' a# L( M1 B3 o
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- o0 A' J/ X3 C. i+ b+ V> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ o) h8 C% q! w% E) {* W> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! y* j. Y4 M2 ^. m
> > employment experience.( d$ L1 G# W1 `6 g2 ~- X$ B& W
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 s, a+ L5 `1 y$ V W# g
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 w2 n) A$ @+ ^) ~ s> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. h4 J: ^ ~6 r# B> > directed elsewhere. |
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