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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
: u' e9 q+ j. ] n' N> > Effective January 2007/ D- e' {; g) L! R. b
> >- n7 a. k% S' J4 x: f- F
> > Dress Code' B m6 Q& s. O3 ^1 P4 C( u7 O! P
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" ^7 w x K4 B6 }# a1 ]
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 Y7 b8 u* P( e/ z! H# x
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 w* v+ n& f# N2 h$ x! W
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% x7 [( U G: z& n. W> > need a pay raise.2 Q# N5 g- b/ D6 _8 M8 c, i) k8 z" C
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) \' N. B% m- _% m( ?> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 n' A4 @* \7 Z, m; d: }0 a7 B( X> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 w5 c9 D4 q1 l, s& _4 z; p
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! w9 P& M, n }" v> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ d5 W) d+ t A0 X
> > raise.
5 d4 l* n& [5 P: ~5 {7 f" R> >
# g5 Z3 \0 F) \$ I( G7 C# J> > Sick Days' M0 X" |) p# E' g8 j! ]+ U
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' U D6 |: c, C. p8 X/ L) n9 g
> > proof of sickness.
+ _# m5 G: m( E u& p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ [0 C5 G/ X: L9 [( e
> > to come to work." B* @! l p. N# m6 k
> >
9 Q% s& N+ M0 [* x> > Holiday Days0 ~' [9 d- w" P9 W% y$ d4 W
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 k# \3 ^: s+ X+ M8 |
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." i1 V+ T' M0 k9 v% J
> >
! n) H) v% f) o& e> > Compassionate Leave- `3 [* q3 G" b, ~
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- A5 n4 D* g' u, {& g% F1 X7 `7 i! Z+ {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" J8 f# `" {" g F |- \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- P* E5 t$ A* w, f5 [) W
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# B' q4 L9 [% C" z7 ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is A. u1 N3 V# V- [& c% o- _% z. K
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 `& H4 n' ]* p% C0 ]> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 @2 U2 N4 k4 |3 g
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; p6 z/ [7 b5 T) ?" u
> > hour early.
+ ?# V2 o( F' p8 N2 ]> >
0 ]# J3 W0 X6 T" E> > Toilet Use! L- \5 L1 j g
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
: @. A9 }4 x; e" [+ P% f: z0 D> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; Q$ q/ T# Y6 @6 u- `4 C2 `! [# B/ m* H
> > in the cubicles." f% i. T$ m: u$ k0 K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' x5 @, w' a4 A* K' D> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( x4 G9 x; c7 j! f
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 L& a! Z( D8 ]6 R* V> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 W7 b9 w, n3 y& Z+ Z0 Z" h+ A( z> > posted on the company notice board under the c2 Y" B- e& F
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
7 ]2 s3 O# Q* k7 }9 y> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ g2 \7 N8 B" J) v4 U! s! o1 c> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ `/ r" o$ t- k( @ g% V8 ]% C
> > policy.0 c8 n, s8 n$ x% L
> >
0 o3 U5 u2 W, T$ ^* P> > Lunch Break
! f1 @% s8 E, h u> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ B0 Y8 h9 Z; n% d' @> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) T2 H2 C G1 m; I/ m9 z$ i> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 f4 ~2 {, T, A# s" H) k# V> > maintain their average figure.
: B- j$ r. H5 G6 s _) h$ p8 ` j> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time: T( J$ T# f/ _. F& f% [( ^
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
- ?( }2 Q, l# T9 F$ d> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 C/ j' F* t- Y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; ^5 s6 a# u, s/ @( F) N4 v @9 }
> > employment experience.0 f3 _! X* U8 Q. c* e' i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 P8 b; @9 M" ]( e+ ?& ~
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 T: T& [1 e V
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- \7 O9 E8 p+ r4 |( W6 ~9 {) W
> > directed elsewhere. |
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