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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:# ~9 p1 Z. A& c5 u P
> > Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code) Z, M# H- f6 T! V! K
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
% _$ @1 u4 s, c- R% A: X" _& O) J' t> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% G" W& _& J: _) E
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 N6 ~5 O6 w5 C* o4 ]> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
- N/ N V' }' v$ Q& p> > need a pay raise.1 P9 k8 I( h* @, c7 S9 q+ Z6 M
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" i/ j+ T0 N; ^' r2 o+ \/ {5 a
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. w! `9 K0 W" _9 w2 M7 u& {/ t! b. u! T> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.' a- W. G+ `, p4 e$ Q2 [
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* r. ~/ m7 h7 X; Y% e; [( c t0 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) s0 t1 @& }0 W
> > raise., J- N" H. f( Y) q7 U( q
> >
0 O/ w, `, ]' H8 I i6 s> > Sick Days
% E9 a9 J$ [8 Q; A> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( X; b2 d- @ e3 n' ?> > proof of sickness.
; ~8 p+ y3 \3 M* W' C# H$ p> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able v' y3 ?$ I* p& y" Q2 s
> > to come to work.
. c. o$ N# ?& d6 S0 ~3 G> >) n1 R. l) ^: c% [3 K: i
> > Holiday Days
4 F$ H: U: k( ?, `0 Y3 X2 |> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( p* ~; ]% U! A- j; C
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: U8 H" F; `% C- o2 G
> >* X8 V( m* b- I3 j+ m4 w
> > Compassionate Leave3 C) s) M! Z, E- R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 X/ M4 m: _" {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! E+ U2 H% C, b, `. H. ^2 U! e
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. l& A, O! n O: X3 x' Q* I* A2 h> > employees attend to the arrangements.
7 @" [7 _$ U( M+ g& v8 W> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 H8 W; O, x% e p/ t; r3 d> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 d' r, v& y/ P
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) T/ z2 b( f$ \2 T6 l- f> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- D2 U. H& \9 O; H4 c- a$ k& H> > hour early.4 P+ p' E. ]% q% w. i, j
> >3 `' h* [+ A6 }$ i9 J, W
> > Toilet Use/ I9 \3 t' B, ~" a2 m2 V2 h: J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: R* `5 K; T9 ~; S3 R5 W* U! p: o
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
* |5 `7 E1 W% C7 A/ ~. F> > in the cubicles.* w. k6 h. |6 v) A% |
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
% ]( j K% r, S' O% I> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' ]/ s% D6 ]$ q) ?/ K> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 n- q6 M5 O- l* T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* c4 E; Y' u0 _$ n5 ^& `1 `* D
> > posted on the company notice board under the
( x3 ~) K7 m& c5 U3 E- ]> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
& A$ k% C5 z4 ?: H> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be' Z% u6 G$ `" E0 ~
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health# U) i5 T) P$ M* V$ J
> > policy.8 z% J3 b) o% g/ P1 K
> >
; p4 }) W9 J R# d, ^; \# W- L> > Lunch Break
% i& Z+ ~. s+ C" V> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! l& V6 V( I& T. S j- ~9 R D
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
! q6 P) A$ n: s6 u% W+ r> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 z7 P& y; z: @0 B
> > maintain their average figure., ?. K, G! y; x: r3 ^+ Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 E" z, j' i! Q* ~, X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.9 u `9 L( g/ `* k3 B0 a5 [( h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ I4 W9 U, Z' U% B) k- X> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! T6 G( m8 ?" |
> > employment experience.
7 n0 u k5 G" A4 J, F/ _. Z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# n) D" P( q% F! _* v> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
: y0 A0 c1 t2 m+ k# j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
$ c4 X- I' Q5 r> > directed elsewhere. |
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