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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
$ N. {2 S8 _( @9 c> > Effective January 2007
$ C$ m, z O7 n3 h% }* w> >$ h3 X- m1 b: w" W- Y3 U0 l
> > Dress Code
( b$ ~- w( Z0 e7 Y! `> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. [: T. Z. [6 V# W
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 E6 c/ Y$ g4 z$ h
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 x. c6 D9 B3 ?% W> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& m; J9 p' i F* S! I
> > need a pay raise.
" X; y7 X7 V/ ~8 x. L> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. d0 [3 ]& e- c" Z7 T/ t" l# U> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 h# S) ^7 c! l' N5 v# E2 K: `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.1 M H; d8 _5 r. {" N0 }( b1 b
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 ?) T3 h: a1 u6 j# `0 a% R- K9 c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay, D) X+ t$ o. D9 d' s: `: x8 S
> > raise.3 j9 [6 z) C& r3 E; G$ |' w, e
> >* G) e$ E; i# u) M I' _. h
> > Sick Days5 Z* a% r0 C! F8 P9 J0 w
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
, |$ B* V; O: M' o- o, X> > proof of sickness.' N! ?2 w, x3 k8 s/ K: ]
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" e4 o) l- O/ Q7 u) ]> > to come to work.$ F6 p. u( Q6 i" W6 b3 \0 O$ O
> >
; Y& Q( I+ j; f! }( r6 ~% B> > Holiday Days
* u8 T; W8 j' ?/ [. H v> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- `7 @/ M4 W* j/ C4 d0 n+ Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& |4 h3 C. G, e7 \+ S2 ]% \. C
> >. u" k. \2 H# ?) c
> > Compassionate Leave
( L) V# n. ]% m6 x2 ]( p> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* Z. Q7 C+ M) K1 O> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 Z1 I! k2 N0 I) Y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- z' B Y% x% {0 d3 l* \9 ]& R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.: ?: ]) i+ J# \- m
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: d; d% K& D7 n2 z. T> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( h7 N, F( ?* X; D
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' j1 A+ s( q0 R3 |4 Y
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 Y+ q, `# a8 H> > hour early.+ f- c- Q4 G5 B! v, s; j
> >9 W5 P; D: T" b8 E, a
> > Toilet Use
8 ]& Q1 M; n+ M( f1 j/ f( |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
* o( L- l( U! H. ~2 [$ F8 C" a0 P> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 K) ~5 c- H2 k: L0 z, c: h2 |: S) F
> > in the cubicles.5 |+ f( ~5 I7 W S2 ^
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' T0 p6 r* l" E' o% K! x
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" e/ s$ F: q- B4 A> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 [; N% o- D" t+ s
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be. N" g" [$ P$ ?! z: }8 Z; p
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% }* g U2 } S+ S4 \. u1 s+ I, x> > "Chronic Offenders" category.0 g! K* l2 P, x/ w& Y, S# t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% F3 B7 p* P% l' S1 i) B) |% o7 }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* u6 o* |2 p. c- i1 H6 U( j7 ?: p
> > policy.1 C9 \) j' F6 V5 q' i
> >
& c3 J) d- c7 |8 U. p) T2 C; |; d> > Lunch Break7 x/ k& J8 `' Q4 h7 u2 W" J
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they Q6 q7 S8 J" X/ i6 d% V2 c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 _; C/ Z+ L- H* ]( g2 ~> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
( ?6 W! ?: i; j* ?> > maintain their average figure.- ^# e: D" G7 n
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 Q6 J' X- _9 Z' K% R# M. ^3 |7 }
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 O- q* a# X6 A, J) E
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) \' n8 H' J, j# k8 L4 K1 R- k: E# k
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- z ?* M: T! Z5 F$ `/ P
> > employment experience.( t7 D |' h6 V+ [4 I- }
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, A' ~% _* N/ q/ e* ?: @9 h) t' b
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& W& O5 u; T% ?1 i
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# }6 u: U' z3 P1 [
> > directed elsewhere. |
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