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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
/ r8 ]' [7 G& Z2 M/ g> > Effective January 2007
r/ w$ U5 X" m# `: b> >, B/ M8 E/ i" @1 ]
> > Dress Code, z6 u/ }" H& B8 |' V3 o/ T$ l( \
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* s+ [) J! K" I. V> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 ^) K( o5 l' z& P3 Y# X; j1 i
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 Z* s" u6 ?: t& f( i6 _; d
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; G9 D% T; w* l& S$ [! b
> > need a pay raise.% h* ?. E" E( A5 W' @- n
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& Q9 N( M' P# s% R+ x
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 A, C/ \; ?: W& F$ g: E' a" T. X
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. f- }. S. `- N3 _# j* h$ P> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you9 }+ T8 }. {% _1 Z0 r7 a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
# M3 o9 E5 x% A c w6 p" U> > raise.
) r% E" M, a! {9 I- ]$ X# K> > w# T! Z! _7 T4 m0 n
> > Sick Days
1 q: z7 ]6 G4 Q( i> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
, h: z3 S) y1 B( S& b> > proof of sickness.7 L. K- b4 w& \2 D+ {
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- ^* P8 g2 A' ^ x" R2 h> > to come to work.7 d; X3 u- R1 Q
> >0 Z, ~& w, S8 i; E
> > Holiday Days
2 r( s& c$ z3 ?4 p2 t> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a6 {9 z* x/ N; ~3 P4 d w! Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 _' H8 Q3 R) H% k
> >. D7 h' _; s" Z8 E
> > Compassionate Leave
7 K3 y) h1 {" i7 ^, s! p* |> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 [2 C+ ^% A( ~8 g2 e& n
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 S" f5 [8 ~2 H8 U
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* k$ N2 t8 t/ C5 f> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 ?' U) J/ a$ x: p. E2 c t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
, E/ O+ Y: b4 n9 n# t( b2 O7 I> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( Z i7 \1 n% y4 [ e6 G
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' B; v( G% H. b3 h. Y1 ?! `> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. M8 _+ ]6 x. x% }: r> > hour early.' {, c$ k \3 r2 Z: w. O
> >2 ]+ j% F6 U. o# K6 ]
> > Toilet Use2 x( z4 G( n/ c1 n
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# z1 X3 ]. Q+ m3 [
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
d/ G3 n, L/ l> > in the cubicles.
, g- n$ w" N/ d> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ U- l& n( f7 c, Y> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% D" o h9 a1 f9 d$ X8 v1 Z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
, x% {2 `" C1 b/ o! S9 J> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
5 T" W. ^, m( l* l: M3 I> > posted on the company notice board under the. v. n" v1 F9 R' P+ n( f* n9 a x
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# M2 g- _/ [3 O, ^( x7 s> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 K9 L6 \1 A2 @* M7 v/ e$ L
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 C% D8 U2 c# ^# Y
> > policy.
5 q* w6 g. E1 b> >1 T; \( v2 V( ]) p
> > Lunch Break
* e1 p3 Q, U$ E; _# Z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ A, |' O# n4 a8 l& F> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ o5 V j' j" I a% B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to0 [( Q0 }$ A0 }4 @
> > maintain their average figure.
' {+ d# R) e+ {/ S) D> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: t$ f& [( v- ?7 K% h; U> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' J0 ^, u, R% y1 o) C! x {4 Z' d> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- B5 E; g ?. G% i3 |2 d
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) f2 ?" Y0 }3 z
> > employment experience.
" v& r( Q2 }) ^3 M3 X7 r6 w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 K" G$ f3 P& ?7 o> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 z3 x1 E' ]; k6 M! k> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
; |1 X; Y: C/ n c j> > directed elsewhere. |
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