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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
- X4 c( l, J$ m& w, Y: l> > Effective January 2007
* g" ^" L& j/ y8 M6 V2 H> >
; a8 B" E% V' v, h9 O> > Dress Code
: F& p p; x- O& D% b> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
P( u6 ?; |7 O/ z) Y> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ E2 _# @- Y0 }) h+ V
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume# M2 x& F! ^3 P1 R) C: B
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
|5 [5 k$ [! I) x3 L8 M> > need a pay raise.
& l2 x( o* \+ n) l1 n% I' ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# ^2 P6 [! H5 B9 K4 D6 X3 W: J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
4 a$ q j8 _' ~5 a) z/ x5 T* h1 V> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) \( |# i( t; t> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ u- r$ T3 g1 ]$ C+ S3 U% W- c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* k. H. a8 M: P! o
> > raise.
: r& R) o& _; N1 P> >- I+ O" E0 h" W
> > Sick Days% g5 }8 [4 ]; H% L2 P" O
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! d0 `4 N9 e5 {
> > proof of sickness.1 m1 t1 u- U' q! V7 A+ `
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 Q5 z; u) _6 O
> > to come to work.
) z9 u( F: H* r: D- |* V> >6 {9 \; {( F4 ]) z
> > Holiday Days
+ C: h9 [- W) z7 R; O4 e! d+ u> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
1 J& a& C2 b7 O3 V> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.4 J5 x! b/ w# W* X( s
> >
: l8 c2 D8 h# H! y0 k, V> > Compassionate Leave+ r' B/ m/ M1 K3 c
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 s4 X$ T6 z1 e> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 m' X- B+ L% E+ W3 z" s: | h3 a$ l
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
, z; b& Q, D r) ~4 q: P> > employees attend to the arrangements.
" M: D- O2 Q+ G* z: F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 N- ?, ~. z% Z- s$ w" j5 N
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 p7 X2 f6 s- z8 _
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' R% X- l0 b; D p5 X> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one7 S& ]- `1 y) D+ q
> > hour early.$ l% q. q* V4 {
> >) B; Q* m/ S1 I3 f8 z
> > Toilet Use
* p: p+ j; r0 u4 V! Z( b- b" y> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" c5 b. M/ q; N8 u+ z; o: d. s> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 _3 G# Z5 O T! O# I> > in the cubicles.2 O" V1 W( V; Y& O% I" _9 a
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
W- p( l- V8 ^: W1 c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* k3 H9 u W( m, [. L4 E/ V5 A S> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 w n& v$ f6 K. [2 r
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 x3 Y' q7 G. x# T! M8 c
> > posted on the company notice board under the
& e g+ {4 T% X8 j1 ?> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ }. r; o9 c. e" j8 Q7 Z- s/ ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 I6 T' {/ m! V. z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ }5 R. D m+ m: P
> > policy.
/ ~5 q9 l. R& A$ Z' P. u$ a- X> > i3 i+ H" I6 s! i$ s3 ^0 ^
> > Lunch Break+ e6 G/ K- z. I5 b% B% j
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
$ `0 N0 M# J* ?" T, J% I i> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.5 o+ c$ J8 P, U% i% b! n% E
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
' J8 q2 j; J) j! V2 r( V2 t- o7 R4 G> > maintain their average figure.
0 p9 y- f6 K: n+ i> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* q( x4 y+ E2 p ]> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.! n7 `4 s5 Q9 g, A* [
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
% y) K( \# `5 y& [6 M> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
: a7 Q+ {/ C, B6 o- u+ F; M> > employment experience.
9 z- a1 x6 o0 c# D, A> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 G5 O+ Y: ]. c, Z6 q6 l# L
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ U& z8 W0 L$ X
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be! g8 k1 g! }# t" ^9 K. r: s
> > directed elsewhere. |
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