HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007
> >
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ @0 }7 H( R! V
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.+ \4 o/ D5 `$ B& J# L
> >7 o, s2 I; V3 H; o
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness.3 N5 N- ~5 O% O* n" c8 f" {
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.8 U+ z$ d8 ]) }& G: x! D* O
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing6 m# v. Y/ I( }1 ?$ [  ]
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; Z( H1 a9 a3 ?# Z8 z3 C
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& E9 Q; }9 }# r. x9 u/ o
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( u. X! ]4 J. E; t5 j2 e
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work  @8 o* B+ V$ v  a9 }" Q9 t- G
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.+ w2 n4 {; V1 }! U
> >
> > Toilet Use5 c4 V% E* q" s" M
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will  K8 H, s: a' M+ U; W
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# _8 q7 |' r( y+ u6 w
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 [4 `4 p! b9 M) o2 ~4 |4 w
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 _" x# r! u& q* p
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 S) x6 X5 L* c, `- a
> > policy.% m) L7 Z. B' `& D
> >% N/ F. M. t  @) }
> > Lunch Break9 x8 Q7 J0 F( V. ~# Q9 _
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 C- [* H  e/ }8 P
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; w7 d, w5 C& b% g: M/ O+ x# h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* R9 a8 W; u% e: h$ b7 S
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" L1 j' r/ i! `+ l
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.

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