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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:2 \; } Y8 p6 x0 a$ h
> > Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
Q% \- ^/ z0 Y3 N+ }' t> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 {4 z& W+ R' u+ N( s- B
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( u% p0 _0 _9 s" [/ W7 \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* K* p* |- U% J. M8 J> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 w4 v$ F, g6 L) ^> > need a pay raise.
6 e/ A( _9 h% c' U' B) h> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage" @2 L: R1 }, }+ Z$ u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 K2 k$ _9 A4 P2 Z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
: J. k. A- M1 l* ?( Y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
% U* v$ |( P+ S- N, y. A) p2 W> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ M1 @ o- F2 `/ R2 Q9 E5 n
> > raise.1 c2 J& E$ X2 X1 U# G/ s& ]) Q
> >
" i8 k5 l1 ^5 b1 c> > Sick Days
4 U5 P* E3 o* k8 ~> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* }3 q' f: O" x3 c- ]4 X> > proof of sickness.
( ~# S. E6 Y! a; q6 X& g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 C+ a$ B2 L- Z6 c> > to come to work.
# }2 K! x7 }2 \0 L) E5 _, b> >
' Q, U* m6 Q' y6 H! t! @# a> > Holiday Days, m( q' l+ {+ x8 R& P" Q' T1 p1 f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a; [! u4 p0 y1 e$ m f
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
. O: P8 |" s" B0 M F4 O& z> >
, m) z& x% S! D, H" V- `> > Compassionate Leave
1 z0 n3 F1 H; ~3 r. _6 h! p3 L4 R9 q> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 p* G; G" e9 B! I& I) H7 J: F+ A* ^> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 O o9 _5 W. {5 s> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( y9 `- Y" o, Z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. C9 o$ b i- ?2 _, i( U5 y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is: i. G, P) g5 N1 ^
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
5 x- t! t1 v: W# _ ]! v> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" e i. C/ ]' W; a5 R& p> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. I1 Q. E: D& h# S) P> > hour early.
) y2 B; w, M X8 r> >7 N7 O7 t2 v6 t' t
> > Toilet Use
- n$ s/ ~7 x8 R9 [; w! v9 m' z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the R' w, N T: N7 x" G& g
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit6 L+ }! K6 g* \3 n, L) W) M
> > in the cubicles.# E1 v1 L. b o* J M! d, Z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; p# x) {1 b# Y4 J7 r* g6 G Y> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* u9 Y2 a; S% D1 R* o> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 x/ c3 e5 Y6 }$ S* Q> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 o$ {$ }! K2 H# o> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 T1 { H' v5 \5 F* M! T1 b1 C* s> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 I9 K% v! c% u& V/ j) I) H% A, n> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 K* i( Q( a' Y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. \! G3 `: _# ]3 {> > policy.
8 j, F; m- L8 _, C, T> > b: k8 y4 S( Y" j
> > Lunch Break
" ^0 c8 T% S3 |& U* y) K, i$ N0 H> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# F$ E' T8 P3 J2 b; f
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. q: L* x" D9 M5 n* X; H% ^3 N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 K4 M- X" u& h: d: b5 r
> > maintain their average figure.0 h9 S) `/ h" |/ y( q2 r
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 B% ^# h4 G7 ^# i' Z0 ]5 A
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.9 o4 k+ @3 F0 T" b' j
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are$ u, ^! e9 s- T# E6 Y/ G# K
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. h, g) }2 r3 V- e
> > employment experience.
9 j/ b0 s: P1 H9 v) ^7 {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 w9 ^$ h# S. B% {& b, k
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! H4 }# L3 T4 ] E }0 S, L> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: f) P) s9 h; _
> > directed elsewhere. |
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