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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:" t1 o# a9 c! g, H5 X- n$ U
> > Effective January 2007: ]1 W! J& O5 F0 J6 o" `/ u
> >) H' B& C4 I- ^. V& e) m* P
> > Dress Code
3 P/ s! m" Q- B" J6 K> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 z; t- `9 ]+ H5 g% Z/ ^
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
. a5 }2 s2 O. c6 w> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume$ b2 s$ b+ Y) `
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 R5 Z$ V5 f1 J$ c, K! Y. y" R
> > need a pay raise.
/ {. k z" E1 _! Q1 U> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 L+ a! f& l) Z6 d* f
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( D( V) l6 s3 m3 E! f9 B& \3 p0 M> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
# Y, c/ {. H. C: K> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ n7 \" J5 S8 | v1 m# `> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 b- j' |# W) H. i! |> > raise." a0 y" \& ]7 c# ]
> >
, ~, W1 ?4 B. Y0 t! Z9 P; ]> > Sick Days
6 ]4 k& o4 v8 w/ ]+ W7 ?1 k- d/ H( N> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ q& ]1 z8 H* c
> > proof of sickness.
" D& ~( R# Y: f" v+ m( ?> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' u) }- |6 Q: O$ R/ M( |+ P5 T
> > to come to work.
% ^) z4 ]! L9 H0 u/ d3 s> > [$ x3 q* u" c9 E" Z
> > Holiday Days
. J( ~& |/ }5 T9 t& ^" R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% U/ z: S: p& P> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
I/ F1 v/ z' _( ?6 a H. s* k> >
6 J. B3 w; R& w! D& t z> > Compassionate Leave$ w _3 R7 n6 s3 s3 H" ~) E- @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 x7 ^8 @$ f U3 T, C3 z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- Y6 L4 k0 n" c+ f> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& C8 }# ?! ]; O: g. }7 `> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 |0 ]% F, P p& B5 R! ]
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 p' |2 F3 U R9 s> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) Y3 Y* w2 Q' f) `" t* _
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work% V7 N- N2 a7 |
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- H5 s* _" A% B% f# g> > hour early.: R+ r, J( K; v! L- V
> >. o6 C5 T# u/ U* P
> > Toilet Use% ?9 z- j4 Z u9 p' @
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the a: v# U' [( R. Q( S. k
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ U1 L# v% A9 Y( u; F7 A3 ^/ a> > in the cubicles.
: f( H/ [& k/ r9 S. U1 m> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! V! t5 b. i1 C3 I* t8 t; w> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ @$ |6 L$ ]) r5 a f> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. v" c, l8 t" ~# `* o1 m> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) u; i0 F' c/ r- m6 x> > posted on the company notice board under the5 k2 `$ V3 Y) B* P
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ T- V1 {1 O" y2 q+ H; v# m> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 }8 s5 N7 |1 S$ m
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) i- d. e) H. X. j0 d3 m. f> > policy.
/ m4 |" t4 P7 w: I> >
% H% x3 ^. r7 M% _' r+ E> > Lunch Break7 M# _4 J8 I3 Y
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 Z3 p0 N7 A. C3 K$ a> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( T C7 v% x+ t+ m1 n: G
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 ?$ K' u+ } ~> > maintain their average figure.
9 S! F. h5 q5 h% p) _0 J0 [" ?/ y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time8 c/ V, Y8 f# m6 n% y) A/ p8 I
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.& ~3 b5 P% E: |1 s. A$ n- r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 ?$ G( L8 p% `8 b/ [3 D6 v+ x
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 ^6 t. D/ b& g; i) P2 o) G9 M9 g9 r> > employment experience.( F; t& C9 V& @; z2 {# i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 k: g3 d4 J- q$ {8 Y N> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" S9 V( E4 R+ T9 H; `> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' U7 m+ G& j- z) ^0 ^0 K# k> > directed elsewhere. |
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