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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
) `6 l1 l+ F3 a) `> > Effective January 2007' N. @. D* g" c. u
> >
! c7 Z4 Z- E, I8 F> > Dress Code* K( |- C) v5 e: b0 M3 ?
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed$ c+ R/ m5 ]7 \2 i
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
# `" u% n7 l: D8 E/ p% q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
! V0 U- B' K2 b( x& @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' C% L- y: p- D' L0 x> > need a pay raise.7 Z( v- E e1 l2 A- O
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( ~5 d7 I* @6 I* p1 ?> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 d* P5 e" y2 j5 s3 E3 G3 S> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. o& J( N& k+ m3 ^8 ~" Y5 M. H% f> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" i! N* p, p- h( Y% V
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' @& I" |, I0 f- v/ p. y, L) D
> > raise.
) p5 ]8 J& t a( Z> >
; S6 A7 m) F; W/ S+ x> > Sick Days: Y, f2 o8 v- ]6 \" y. ?7 ~
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ R1 `7 o1 @# d% W6 t! i
> > proof of sickness.: e2 M" s9 o. i- |
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. G* c$ ^' x# }
> > to come to work.
% Y B* n7 T3 i" I! c> >
u+ R% M+ x; I+ a" E7 y> > Holiday Days
# }5 d0 \ A' [, A. j& C# I% J) U7 p0 c> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ f' o i) B7 c: X; ?5 T
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# R. D* v8 d3 U3 [* B: m) D
> >+ M9 o C* ` p" d. X* d
> > Compassionate Leave9 w6 j% ~, N; N# j+ s3 c: G1 y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 \/ E9 o. Z2 V% A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 F: N* E% F! Q$ d- W> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! S6 j( y$ p) D1 r$ Q) K2 o> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 j% c Y' u/ u3 _. y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! a/ Z G1 x8 L
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' {$ u, s: c0 P5 s1 a/ h% C. V) j
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( Y' f9 X2 v% A n3 G: o. g* C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 I! L6 O% W/ @% N8 w5 w5 r* O> > hour early.
, R) L9 D. H2 i( d6 c3 ^7 q> >
/ i; M% b7 G; K# @ V" v> > Toilet Use
' R8 Y* U. ~8 V: b> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) z$ A* u$ \" ^> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
# O3 Y' C9 P+ u a9 q: T3 \& W> > in the cubicles.
, K! b2 P& \. a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
# g; t4 h" Y* Y' ~% \! X> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: I4 }+ p3 {; E: M3 L+ Q" w4 V> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 g& u ?2 E) s0 o& A3 g> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 z7 O3 i$ p! n1 N9 G: q> > posted on the company notice board under the% h: y0 _9 @ k+ f7 \7 U
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.) I/ B& l$ W! } ]# N
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
J' U4 i2 B a% `0 \8 A- }" {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& }7 c) e5 F: S0 M> > policy.
3 U0 m; G: b! W' w- P6 r> >/ C# u/ X+ ^! t: R2 b- ~+ A
> > Lunch Break
3 T3 ]7 }7 E: A! \/ }9 Y> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 a# V( J4 H! }6 F2 w$ [
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( q" d5 f7 w6 V" M4 z$ [
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to5 r: e3 j9 E0 u$ `! p8 |# V
> > maintain their average figure.( g$ n" _/ {4 n# Y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time- p. H2 S. V% ]
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# W: T) v7 c5 G$ `9 n- I> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are g1 y5 Q+ `- Y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* V( Q# `8 W" h; }
> > employment experience.1 B" }, p" ^ G3 d
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ N/ b ? ?& G, z* J- R* w( Z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# \0 b, K" N* Z) i- h> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
4 x* ~7 c7 F+ H. ^. s> > directed elsewhere. |
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