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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
Z& K8 F( [* V& G2 {$ `- x> > Effective January 20070 b$ `5 ?# H3 [% X* f3 B/ @
> >) A- Q) A; ]" x; J/ A+ I5 J2 R$ I3 h
> > Dress Code" ^4 H+ C7 W( I
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" l0 }3 ^" w- K7 C) ]# l
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' G) A# W4 Y9 @
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* R3 L0 F3 t5 Y( r5 I! W
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" W, \! C* c1 G7 z& l a m5 W
> > need a pay raise.4 g5 Q% T9 L0 W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& x& D+ V7 a- j9 V: j: K
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( C& A v Q9 v# f> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ f8 i& q& M$ {8 H. j' M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: f+ X2 f" ^( Z+ Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& v: B- j5 v0 c& C> > raise. f" s8 M2 ~; J; a0 @2 t, [
> >
8 g0 g5 w( e% ~! @- E7 C> > Sick Days
& q) A* }3 K) S> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 F- e* ^- B6 p
> > proof of sickness.
. C; M# N) |/ |> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 P" J) r, ?- p0 F> > to come to work.8 s* f& y7 R9 t& i. n- b
> >
$ z+ i2 d! |) s0 v# j> > Holiday Days: @; F' J A( a* U0 N0 P+ a! u
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
, T& [8 `9 _" I4 g: o> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; w+ H- S) c+ U* Y" |! ?( s> >6 i* S# `! s, m* i2 i
> > Compassionate Leave* p; F" w! Y4 P: X" n
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# o7 s$ Q" j6 c1 R$ m
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-' x6 W0 J2 a9 U9 w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-7 x: k4 N1 P& q2 {
> > employees attend to the arrangements.% D# R) C; I$ [7 R! R# C: _
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is. c" O: Y# i. O. z; }7 n7 _3 u
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 B5 I! N2 f) J7 H/ m" N8 ]> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
8 g. ], ?6 t) d$ t0 {> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 [3 a1 ~- Z1 P: ]4 w( @> > hour early.4 L. K) V3 \4 Z0 t- ?4 U8 I
> >+ H! u1 S" Z, ]" o7 t3 i, P
> > Toilet Use7 ~# I N; x7 s3 ^6 o$ [' N
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; f, l# ], C/ L- g2 T- |7 _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& Y9 m3 y& ]5 X6 n+ o! I
> > in the cubicles.3 }6 k* Z& r9 M3 u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 C6 f* E) ?9 O4 Y M4 B2 n( E5 _
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 n7 D6 W! b; ~/ y9 p% F- ~
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& i7 L) v, E' Q/ Q) v> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& n3 \8 f5 e7 |5 j+ L7 C4 @9 A! Y
> > posted on the company notice board under the: `: T9 c8 [( g" U
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 r$ }9 s. E9 L4 C> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. n% \# v* a7 w$ Z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 i/ {) P3 O$ C
> > policy.! C2 X% L# C/ S' V, l3 O" j9 n
> >% s' ]9 t S+ _
> > Lunch Break
/ z; a6 J/ `1 s% t> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 t, ~6 H2 j' ?8 n0 H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
, y! [0 P- R; |! o1 `> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& t$ U( h. ~. ~> > maintain their average figure.
7 P' T7 t; e* y' d; S& k b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 q! W( k& N0 c" Y/ g7 ?> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ s" w6 Z9 ~9 u/ M8 }! w/ _> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
$ J0 n- ]8 f2 \2 V9 `+ |> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 w! S3 x3 T+ t: Z3 h; e6 @- E1 d/ p! v
> > employment experience.
1 `4 g2 T7 A6 h2 f4 ^0 F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 r/ U) P5 d4 L* ?5 P6 h2 o/ r* [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, @+ S5 I( V! D# {$ K# S
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: I @, H$ S6 b6 q6 H6 ]9 V> > directed elsewhere. |
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