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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
0 v! U, N% ^' Q: N> > Effective January 2007
+ w. E( Y, `8 n> >
) i8 a& B1 p7 S) o. {> > Dress Code+ r9 ~- s0 N8 O% d/ v$ ~
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: K1 s( R r. ~* `
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) }# r8 g; W# R! s: r! r0 v
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume+ j" W& U, T% V* a( o4 \/ ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) O! {# h: ~' U- U2 V( z> > need a pay raise.
# L# R+ O2 X3 u d& k7 D' ~> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage& D& E1 I! ?5 U4 B' j7 w" E+ N5 M0 O
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer X( \6 m# z9 U- C: B5 O
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 v4 u" O7 s* f& n9 K1 E7 Z> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" b, N! E F3 f3 p1 r& Q; K( o4 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay' R+ v" L1 X/ L' R' q' d
> > raise.+ {2 U. c" F+ o" @$ P! X7 f
> >0 i7 h" V' _! y: X* o9 o1 }* {
> > Sick Days1 [& \; t& b. r4 ?. l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- _8 l0 B+ N. e F% [( m> > proof of sickness.
9 _8 J# h, x( _/ X3 k* F6 o> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% T# Z/ t& Y$ c* V4 y- D
> > to come to work.1 V5 d! G# N# F
> >& f- d v* {# ]3 s4 R
> > Holiday Days3 [+ H! s; ^6 S" U% Q9 E
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
4 t/ L9 \+ \/ I) n( Y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# T, t6 o8 C5 d$ ~
> >$ Q) s, T+ o$ m# l
> > Compassionate Leave3 ~: U, l1 }& r$ D, O, B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
! c, y- [8 g1 q/ q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
I, W7 N0 v2 R5 m> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 K: N+ D5 w# x> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 i# J% J. U3 O5 @/ |* n. g> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( Z; r7 B* L. U! U$ ]3 I
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 s5 i. C) e, C> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ B# j; i0 k9 C) j* m9 ~+ E' V
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 [" ^) |1 V4 ^# P0 [! ~% B X
> > hour early., o2 E4 F3 j$ w# z% \
> >
7 Y1 n/ m% m) U" N) a& x, Z> > Toilet Use
" x/ e" u% `9 F& D. w/ ^+ x4 }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 s$ R% p1 n% q2 S! k8 @
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
: ]! e+ q3 p: A& O: e6 k& {2 U> > in the cubicles.! e1 j- u' P7 Q+ s7 Y, P9 g
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& K% W& o5 X4 f# @
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ V6 p, m0 u# A( o8 v
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 z2 M( {2 f0 O1 c1 v" H+ m6 ~
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 u7 ?; Q3 T5 B
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% \ l5 z$ d3 _7 C# M; _> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ V2 }: a |9 f; B- z3 R j7 z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- z% O) t% C9 \. L
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. u1 K% ~6 R# K! s7 @$ U" N+ N% ~
> > policy.
3 Y% b# ]# i3 Q& f- ~2 ]> >
. C! p; f- T1 U, k/ ~> > Lunch Break
, k2 E4 G( N' m; P! I0 A' r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
1 ~7 c$ A/ w" Z, e) O; }/ y( E> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." q5 r, r4 s) ?5 d$ R, _3 u* Q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& w) H2 g1 m" M) ?0 y) J) u" D4 Q8 d+ t> > maintain their average figure.
) s; n1 K# ~; j+ I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: V! A& v" S3 B; J* F> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) J2 o9 q. w& `( D4 l
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! H* _8 h9 J$ r: Q! E> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- v- c6 ~( c% s, B: { f! W
> > employment experience.
/ A. t6 _( ]7 J. a' c7 W1 D( X> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
4 k8 l0 K$ T1 x. s3 i% ~/ c! C> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% I. c/ f* i* K+ S* L+ r
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 n5 t+ o) o4 Z+ { B, u$ W" S9 {) S4 n4 @> > directed elsewhere. |
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