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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:7 J Q9 Q! w$ l6 x
> > Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code- I; p' Q+ |0 ~
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
) O/ e" A5 ^& `6 D> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ l4 M. d8 I# R% n* U> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
" q; i8 o7 Z' P& R' H9 r7 [& ]> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
7 _2 @7 F/ o$ d% a4 C> > need a pay raise.
/ Y+ U8 ?4 L) I& D9 G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 \ b- e) Q6 {8 `. h> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! @, I! E4 r1 ]( o$ N0 @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- p' J5 V0 u5 }- Y' g' u8 z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& o* E4 R: ]3 F" y, h9 ~> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 v3 g! R" b `( q( {. t& n$ K> > raise.
5 `8 N9 N) q% z# g% x7 L f> >
4 ~# o$ G- J9 ]> > Sick Days1 Q& {- J! Z* S* v1 W
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- A' b; G* X z# U' H r; r
> > proof of sickness.
: D0 g, x( f+ w3 X1 M> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. B1 w- }6 Y' @" \& a! K" N9 I- {( ~
> > to come to work.
/ A# p2 V+ ]1 `3 }9 C" }3 }> >
- N- s1 U' d6 u I7 u> > Holiday Days% x' ^. C* A0 Y; b- V4 |' @
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 F% ]6 i0 I- l2 I% _" ~> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.& a+ X/ e# u* b( d
> >: O& e. N2 b( S2 }8 C
> > Compassionate Leave
4 p5 j4 V: Z( j+ E7 {5 W8 M U> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing! h1 h$ ` s) ]1 X2 G7 j( @8 _
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" k/ I# a- {# T2 c> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
$ p- k- @4 l) m3 k/ ]0 g, h> > employees attend to the arrangements.
/ k1 l% M9 B: O4 N. Y> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( ?2 v4 h [2 h> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
+ I v, Z9 L4 W. \> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ k( I3 `7 Y6 A7 i3 B
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
) E7 {' f& }6 T> > hour early." y; J3 I( G! S4 ?# t* n" r. H1 f
> >! Z ?! K, e- C z
> > Toilet Use
* ], t* t' n+ _. Q9 ^> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& O p' r9 ]. l8 W: D> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit w$ S2 k4 Z) a) E7 }' j" V
> > in the cubicles.- O" i4 C5 V' T: I/ k
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
" |: x W) r2 w> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle: H3 V0 r: O- p9 o8 l5 v
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! p$ e8 Y# D) E9 {. V( d& o
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 d1 H/ @% A3 P0 Q% N
> > posted on the company notice board under the
# L2 P2 g5 U- M> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
3 }! [% |9 N( k. E. G6 ~( I& b+ L> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 n5 a# B# ]) E5 ?; X! o* `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ L$ e K) |2 L& A8 h/ }- m> > policy.
% m8 {+ |# h1 H: z! c> >5 @* ]- c% |& }- E# o
> > Lunch Break( Q1 o5 Y, i3 U0 j, q
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
- y. Q! Q; V# O8 \' }) {1 X: N> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. p( r7 }- z! j. {) D0 ^2 U- s
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* `- T" k) ^/ K# c! T) r! U> > maintain their average figure.
& o8 _# O" z/ ]) c7 @' o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
/ `9 }' I+ X% A2 L) }> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; j7 ~0 ~3 X+ [1 d5 I) `+ f> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are ?$ s! q1 b8 u& C2 m; X, n
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
^, @* H9 ]. V% }> > employment experience." j2 i4 X9 K. ?6 J) t
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, s% x+ }9 }* k& H" W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' }- ~6 s& m1 ?- g/ M( k1 x% d
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- T4 X! C1 y& i, N, l> > directed elsewhere. |
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