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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
" K! x. m# p5 B> > Effective January 2007" g% o' i% c5 ~2 n7 J
> >2 C0 w5 J u& C& H# X
> > Dress Code* C5 y4 |: r0 W. N6 P
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
/ C. C! ~, ]; M0 {* P- S4 c3 {> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 F. p/ q4 Z- @: g3 h+ \> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume [! [$ D5 O& j9 a7 B8 ^) q3 ~9 _
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
i& k& [7 ~8 I5 j> > need a pay raise./ y& L: D. Z4 i0 u" I3 e- X( U
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) ^" ]1 l6 a ]
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* U0 e, T2 }7 U9 v: G. o- E; S> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 @, ?( V0 V" h$ Q* Q> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, N( E2 @1 k, l> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 j' }% B/ v: C5 o/ W> > raise./ C0 j) M5 O R/ c, K, p2 L
> >
; @) Q/ c8 o; M% M u% Q> > Sick Days
& n4 O! ~2 k/ c" X> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as+ ]4 V+ X' q3 P; F" A
> > proof of sickness.
$ Y& I& m5 A; g. }4 o( T- x> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 \% h) i4 O, Z m7 V9 o> > to come to work.
5 y* P9 L; _6 Q5 w: D> >+ i6 j% t7 l% K/ \# Q: F f
> > Holiday Days7 d! m+ E8 M1 s) u
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 ^& D5 @3 Y! { ]; R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
: N7 J( Y9 g! t2 F& A0 b> >' m/ ^8 B& J9 O" M+ \! J
> > Compassionate Leave0 K. _5 L1 ~0 }% E4 r* {$ Q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ |7 j1 P% b# [! I5 f- I> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ q( ]) |4 x- z$ T C2 \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-* E/ r% P* C7 i8 `" r! @; X
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. v7 q# j2 ?( T4 f: |1 N> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. W, }1 T7 x/ _1 |0 l+ j" Q% Q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% r* s6 \2 q7 L9 I- }+ } |2 T> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" c- N6 o& X3 ~7 X% D& q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 c3 Y ?% M7 G+ T: s: z' S5 C$ W> > hour early." A. X* b: v- p
> >
j$ U# X" x/ p% O J> > Toilet Use
- ^7 W& F% H0 P( b" J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 B+ m- J1 E1 C# f% j- s0 t> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 W7 S) l# A: m! c> > in the cubicles.
" d5 ?& G( s; w. K& f+ m+ a> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
x4 M6 j" q* s& P> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: z ^# B, W! x6 Q2 y: r> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) j$ a/ W, O |% n. C+ y/ D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! V. D! O9 L& c+ r0 ]+ A5 {5 q
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* Z% [! n+ Y% O( h3 w( K& e> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
8 _( ]9 [2 `3 X9 O0 Y& ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 G4 U1 c& k; q/ W> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 Y0 }3 E+ j6 h* N3 h; x
> > policy.
k& s+ a/ `3 I/ J" O4 _. l0 Y; ?+ ^. J/ _> >
! r. m' `4 Z& [> > Lunch Break
. P0 I- B7 U2 C4 z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& k# N+ p3 l4 |( q+ g- o
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 O9 t- j4 Z0 U8 y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
3 b+ Z4 d# M2 R. s8 J) ]> > maintain their average figure.+ I' H7 |! `8 ^
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" a0 o7 O: P# l0 c6 R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* t O0 g* m2 E! S! ?> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' Z* C t( l0 b% ]/ A% @2 w> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" K6 l( y3 R$ _& g ?1 Z0 ~5 D8 I> > employment experience.8 }( z+ C! N! p& ]
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ m. O3 y& [% t; H9 Y1 D; E* l. G> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,, R6 U5 G! e" j4 ]/ m% ~
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' Z7 U4 |: w6 K* @) F+ d, X! c> > directed elsewhere. |
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