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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
: P& w4 [: \# I0 X> > Effective January 2007& }- J2 T% u6 s. w! K, w
> >
@* H9 c" p7 E( {> > Dress Code: J- o: i+ @( b% ]) ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
, p4 T% S" d! {! q> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ I" _- s- ]1 v# R: z8 a7 D, R> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
+ R/ j& S0 I! K& Y# x( {> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 ]/ Z' P# R9 E/ a5 E2 i> > need a pay raise.# G4 B, R# }9 _. l, Z% Q8 `* u4 |7 i# R
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* j1 x' n4 N3 t4 p/ P5 i& ~> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 {, c) D N3 U9 ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.! }( Q9 r8 i9 O
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you4 ^- V! W" p1 T* C' J1 B
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay0 l9 k6 C5 Z w) z- S7 a" V
> > raise." r- O0 d) [0 c: y( e! e
> >
$ H; P: y! f5 t! s( T+ j> > Sick Days
8 T% V# ?( S6 Q! E> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! c; p( |& L3 M" }2 X1 {# C% Y> > proof of sickness.
/ c) ^/ A8 g' Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able+ N/ C& j( s( d( k( i1 T) i
> > to come to work.
! `. R* {! B; m) g3 u> >
# O3 }% [0 m/ ]% b' O6 h/ u> > Holiday Days
, C |' T# s' M. y3 g> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
( A5 p7 F4 F9 [> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
6 h! o$ z: ^/ Z! s0 j) O> >
- y; G" @+ S: h2 H> > Compassionate Leave4 y: A5 @ V4 Z: T
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing3 f+ l) |1 d6 z; G# `( ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 ^- X, L: r6 h& y" p: x8 T# Q> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& e# Z* c% { q8 q$ J
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; H0 z$ m1 B( P- j" Z6 e
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% r- o' `& b- e5 i/ O> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& h0 V. t3 y) D E( Z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 P# w" d* l3 [8 E' t0 m
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
" ?' }$ P _5 E: o& y, E> > hour early.' [2 L, u9 x( g$ ^( B4 A
> >
+ F0 M& Q0 a+ |3 d' X* b( R> > Toilet Use! i9 I/ q% ~( J
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ [: Z# L% S7 y+ u" f5 K: e4 q5 i> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
8 y' [. @7 \1 R1 P/ z1 p8 F> > in the cubicles.
( x! j1 A' @: Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
* Z; U$ S! l Q$ N0 N; o' w5 ?8 T> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 E% G0 i" R D1 p> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! l6 g8 g0 A/ T" C& A* a
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 M) R3 n6 a' j8 |6 B; x0 ]# o> > posted on the company notice board under the) n% q# B) f9 D- J( }" G9 `
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
$ m# z( }8 n9 a* B* Q9 D> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" X1 ]9 E) H* H8 ]' n% p: G+ ~
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
1 ]5 n0 i8 [8 N) g& T5 f! A, d> > policy.
' z V% A Z: |3 @. V2 }8 B> >
1 c! q3 ^( n% f( e& c) L> > Lunch Break: h$ c9 t6 d2 V8 N/ F
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 ]/ I" l% c' D
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 L& N! r" i" ]> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to# A' h% s9 V1 f: f: n5 M k- t) n
> > maintain their average figure./ z" L3 ~" J" o5 E t4 D
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 F8 c' Q0 O; _/ x) C( W
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- |4 N' \* I& {$ v9 J9 V7 n$ J
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 ~1 [& l, f2 {) T2 u p
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 v: q0 J: |& Q1 E) c
> > employment experience.+ Q( t( t# a6 K; ?. m. s/ Q
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 [6 M& P6 u# F9 X, {
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% z% k0 M1 X# U& g
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be$ S' S0 C% P' H0 A4 {# n
> > directed elsewhere. |
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