HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007! C5 {' ?. O* I! w2 |
> >' I. k9 F$ q: H
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' h, _6 D1 ?& J& n: n* g9 }' V/ {
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ e. s+ T  y2 Q3 r1 h$ Q
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; f7 _- z- Q0 }: D
> > raise.8 O+ u8 p- L. l* G& t" X! H
> >
> > Sick Days2 |9 u6 A% l& u/ m( V! ~. r6 G. ]
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as& e6 r6 o1 z- I+ {8 s0 m5 V
> > proof of sickness.% c1 e% U9 i* Q5 U  }6 s9 U! H2 V
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.
> >
> > Holiday Days3 [. a8 j9 ?; N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) i) H. P4 l; o) a) N
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
> >
> > Compassionate Leave! q9 }2 I5 K" r! S9 U& H
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.* W& z0 a- t7 U. m
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 b9 _/ y9 ?' R( j
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 O/ q1 K6 D0 J7 b( L6 Q) D
> > hour early." }) S* i. _0 |0 h- @$ Z- I* ^
> >. q, b1 w, x2 a  A; E3 o
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 c* S+ R) j& C. P  Z8 I  h: X
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 J) R9 w2 l, k: m# G
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.* d7 N" }( d3 ^/ u2 M" c9 ?
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be6 B: y; w7 D+ O) X
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy." c/ P5 R+ [- v! S: B4 ]2 P
> >! o& e3 y6 C( L* S6 d
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 Q- i6 d+ G$ n0 i2 r" g( w( s9 O" L! }
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to9 m& M* X( o  ~$ f: j. P
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast./ Y. ^1 X& d2 h+ p* Z( S1 U! h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' d) s0 {' g3 U6 [- M2 G
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 Q9 V. b% q/ F
> > employment experience.' e. l4 w! m! y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% k5 z. e2 l" e" `) o5 Q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be( {* F+ z' k; ?
> > directed elsewhere.

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