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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
* P% i- ~4 y1 z1 J$ p0 x5 ?8 M> > Effective January 2007
! O. C, q: _+ H> >/ r9 J# c* [9 u% [
> > Dress Code0 Q' i" I" n/ m
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 `8 B. d, b$ A E0 i( D2 K> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" S+ I) Z6 V5 h r, ~$ {2 y+ m
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 Q4 N4 |) G( @& q, @" Z+ \. n* u
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
8 a. [6 Q7 K" ?( M" k. ^ V> > need a pay raise.0 d: c' s1 s- F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' R7 U6 h( ?: m( |> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
. X7 \$ |) V5 x+ Q9 g/ U> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 p& a' g) W; L2 I8 v7 k y% X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 A' k! J) w- F3 Z5 {/ ^3 A( K& |> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* c( g8 z& ^1 z% W> > raise.
) `- M! L3 y3 k5 Q! s> >1 p9 t' C. O. i! O6 m
> > Sick Days
3 H$ a; U0 `: {6 e> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- e, I- G- j0 `$ w* w
> > proof of sickness.3 `5 J* i+ h/ f* D( x
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! x3 x8 r# C) _+ q% f$ W> > to come to work.6 w; _( S4 _& ^7 T
> >; z# h+ G: \6 O# f3 n+ g- |- E2 }
> > Holiday Days
D M7 G7 n E! L> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 }$ z! P- k' ?5 d% l; x# ]. @# @
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.+ F! T# I7 S& n9 h- a
> >
* K$ m8 t/ z. Z' O8 a1 t6 B> > Compassionate Leave1 w B+ B, ~. ]
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: @/ \: d1 z' H7 V! B! O
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
# M' |( v% q+ C9 U! W3 z( t> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( {7 ^8 v0 ]/ Y/ F" K
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ F- W( i$ u0 H) l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 ~0 E! G' G, G. Y- N
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( t2 w9 Q7 l/ \9 D: M
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
W# Q: j8 c- Y+ k/ F. t> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, d: l. t) e! v: _" J
> > hour early.8 A- H0 f8 Y' X# `; U
> >
0 Y7 N5 ^( E6 \/ Z0 e> > Toilet Use
1 i+ ]7 _0 _2 v> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% P' ^$ ] o( E7 F v$ V> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 F. z/ |$ P6 E- j9 |> > in the cubicles.
8 B: G4 m- t4 y6 T. d5 b> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ g4 o3 Q- _- u, K( g
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' {1 }% g8 y# Q$ V6 o1 [0 ]2 k; g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 `9 a; L7 D4 v1 J6 |+ W! _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: H: ~7 b! K/ e& _
> > posted on the company notice board under the
5 c5 W: d/ r \3 }- K' B> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
, b3 N: c2 X: V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
9 e; H- D0 F) |+ }. y2 I: x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' w; Z8 Z8 _% t: I( r+ |> > policy.
u6 S' Y3 t- ~0 `- C1 B \> >
6 F E+ n+ M% k: p+ E$ u9 v6 d1 U6 A> > Lunch Break
" B9 y( {" C$ T+ ?# n2 n$ Z> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 I& D) a$ {: ]8 r
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.7 e4 @2 ?$ y% @3 V1 T
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
3 U* m+ Q2 K( O# g> > maintain their average figure.. b- R" w% V% k: d7 ^# _7 d5 g
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 _4 H+ o5 v; d0 r& L5 x) r
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ S# h# O2 s# @2 o% W, ~> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: r( U% k. s: U: i3 i. u4 @
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 j2 W9 K5 J# A$ |0 y
> > employment experience.! G# T! N9 Q/ h8 M1 g; W
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
6 K; f3 h2 F0 C9 ^ b, H7 y0 Y> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
. Z: U: C. c- X$ e2 P, P3 t> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
% n4 V& m' `6 Y: V* l3 A. `> > directed elsewhere. |
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