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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:0 q1 S9 |+ a, s: G
> > Effective January 2007
# G0 h8 n* h: B( W> >
' v3 M% B& c# C7 b3 [' }; k> > Dress Code; m0 c) Z I, N% T- p* l
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
7 _& u% j* K1 }4 e! i> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 w' i$ B8 F2 l% u: e
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 _& w1 V: I& }
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
/ R6 P. S+ e1 h/ S2 Z% H; B> > need a pay raise.
/ O7 M+ g5 s* a& i4 G> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
6 ~- Z$ v. Q) X> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 @& a' s1 ^% Q> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ v: ~# {* T# a% P5 x1 t
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: r% S( m, m) F/ J& M
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; K; K5 {4 j, }9 X% j> > raise.) e! s l4 d3 `- x" u! Y( `# `) m0 J% H
> >
} z$ S2 [& Z6 P9 \/ ~> > Sick Days: G: P9 E6 @' `5 c
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) q0 p& N4 J# z# C. J> > proof of sickness.
; i H$ T" s4 w! g+ t( ?> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; Z1 {6 v% A8 m> > to come to work./ E+ H/ l I" v0 ]3 g- O! X
> >
! w V/ ~# ?( h( z: w# L7 K1 o' x7 r> > Holiday Days
$ ` f$ ]" E- X) O> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
5 H) _2 q" f- I$ K2 {> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
5 o$ x) V" ]; j" }# l9 K> >
" A+ S5 T# v# f) B/ n> > Compassionate Leave3 F" B6 p/ X- U5 f* ?! R
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
9 n1 v+ W, b5 V4 P( e> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
3 V$ O3 M& J* r' a; u4 u% u& L> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: n. G6 x9 [! Z7 w
> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ l4 M3 G8 I9 V& r3 m
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" A+ B% o" @% A* X8 o) L, \6 o
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
" b4 I" d( T9 m- o# c> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: n6 y \3 d/ S9 H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
% o% \# ?+ m7 I0 j6 D* ^> > hour early.
, ~) j6 t" |4 N/ h> >/ ]. E1 Z2 o; T- H1 ?' d- j
> > Toilet Use
) W5 U, ?: P+ ^" t> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the2 u8 U) z) R j8 u
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 ~: C- J! \! V: l# g, K
> > in the cubicles.' z" a& p3 @1 u, m! ?( J( r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 t% h2 `, R% x; f9 V
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% Z. H2 C* e' D2 _, M> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 w8 `- v* b( r q> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be! T* [5 k* m* |/ U* v [: r" U* n
> > posted on the company notice board under the9 }% O3 I$ i! U; }! e4 B
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" r; _$ }( ~2 j) _* M0 p> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: j7 D0 v3 B( v9 v$ c' Y: ]
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 }4 q, C0 p( P> > policy.5 l9 |+ n2 `* k* ]
> >4 y" `5 s/ G+ D F9 I& h+ @+ }: s
> > Lunch Break* d' G1 r, t6 ^" t% g
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ B' F; o- y( N Q: x! D
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( D' x, E( e2 {# T/ k0 f h* ~# ?8 I> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ q% A( C+ S2 p6 `
> > maintain their average figure.
2 f: s; `/ F" U2 @+ [( X> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 E; ~ F1 T8 x) _/ b9 j
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' N. w6 H0 _, h5 s. a* g
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! ?6 g4 ^' T; z5 Q- L) Y- ^
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 n: ?. Z3 ~6 D
> > employment experience. a- l$ {3 l: E6 ^
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
9 \/ v- T. ]$ L3 l: W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 B9 T) n, f% `( K6 m
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ @4 _* G Y0 E y p
> > directed elsewhere. |
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