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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
; F5 y7 A* d' L& g @0 o0 K& H> > Effective January 2007
$ x5 f3 b# |- f- s0 \$ Q1 P, M9 o6 T> >
, h' F8 R. k5 x0 }7 n- R; v& c8 _& F> > Dress Code
( p& g4 Z, F# u i3 S5 \> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ c: P S% }' [7 l+ L' x5 @8 ^
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 O8 |4 I) P. @7 T) j4 I
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( ?' d2 V- e3 }: C> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
* G4 B# J4 P& a# U5 w0 @+ U" t' X> > need a pay raise.
, n/ w: t3 Q# I" @$ w> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: M: W. S1 j& d/ G1 f9 l% _# `> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer O( M5 ^. w0 G" U0 h1 @- U
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.& j+ P6 L4 b" |1 U$ a6 j! q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 |. r+ b7 e- P- b, A3 _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% @# [" a; x. h! g0 G; a> > raise.
1 G1 J; |! _- a" M> >2 C$ K2 @% @4 u6 ?, |- h
> > Sick Days
/ n6 @8 ?' b( Z, o> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as& d: E5 Z( ?4 X c2 u1 R: w
> > proof of sickness.
' _# `: X0 ^) J# h4 w+ I> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% [+ U4 q4 W9 Z @6 E2 Y" p
> > to come to work.: X. ^) ^- l' U! q& g9 B
> >
) m0 J2 k" S3 q3 l2 c> > Holiday Days- ]- ~! p+ n: k8 q* L* i
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
1 R0 l& M& T) B' T> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
) c' i. z1 [6 a1 i2 P# U> >9 S. N; L) L" d2 i+ t
> > Compassionate Leave
% i4 r; I+ x5 ?& b! T3 ?> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* c1 U9 X5 E6 t3 G# D2 W+ ]5 G> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 y- m, S5 P3 A" \8 s( R. p> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* ?7 F$ E9 S! s4 T' n, \2 C> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' P7 t+ ~+ E0 K7 Q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" W& J1 {7 i" g# `
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 V; G( V; s8 [; n9 @0 }# o> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) g4 u/ A' R# E- v6 E> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one9 s) _; H* S, I1 G
> > hour early.
; g6 J" |! H5 x) C> >
. X" @( r/ p' @& Y K> > Toilet Use
" T; [/ q- i, s' A. X- w> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 _3 @# M) ~2 }! q2 I1 {" K" q8 S
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ C* t6 L5 G, {$ X) K: H( w> > in the cubicles.
* ?/ @& Y$ e9 E" ?! ]> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. N l* n. X9 y+ \2 v% n6 R& B> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' k' C( E* n Z! S0 [& o> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( U+ y( y! `7 g6 k$ o) g> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; {5 @0 C1 _7 y3 c
> > posted on the company notice board under the
7 Y# O' S. P- Y: _! i) u> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 p8 X" `% j( l2 z& H2 y> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 s% q9 z' g( E2 D" ?> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. w2 u0 R8 }4 w& D2 A! y> > policy.. |/ m( N. L/ b
> >
7 ?1 m4 _+ J* m> > Lunch Break2 I- |- s' u9 {8 Z2 |9 g7 @0 Q+ D: W2 k( c
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ B& a/ a9 h& x) \; K g# q. ~# g> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
) v+ o' B/ p% r. @4 p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; t( D! \- q6 J( P o: Y
> > maintain their average figure.
* \' g) w4 r+ h0 F: ?> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% T) k! w, Q- G
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 J7 h6 k2 p0 N2 o
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* A7 `/ o) c! ?
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 |1 o C% a( }1 y% d6 r
> > employment experience.
' X' F, W, n* \. ~: W( g. Z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- @( z3 s& [+ ], ^
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# N. i5 k4 N# ~- p- T
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: |! { z5 m- y0 ]1 V
> > directed elsewhere. |
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