HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 2007% }* f5 x# q8 s/ M5 q
> >
> > Dress Code9 W, f6 j( ~* O+ e, r7 {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: K" b) |5 l" E. ]0 f  F1 L6 g; p
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.7 R4 Z# R" Y1 D2 E9 M0 P' r9 |
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! I0 \5 G& z$ A: e* t  q8 v
> > raise.
> >
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> > proof of sickness." Z1 ~4 `$ d8 b8 Y) A
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work./ J. C* `  P# a/ y5 _: b
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., s$ c9 Z  b0 W9 C7 w2 p4 v
> >& k7 i' z& }# b0 H' r1 u
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ F5 e' V; K8 }( [4 {+ O+ Q3 S
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, @; l1 `3 G) H: Y
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 H( ]+ n+ j$ }8 b' y  t, U% S5 r0 K; @4 G
> > employees attend to the arrangements." H) ]# j& S, x5 W( a3 A: {+ C, s
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 A4 Y0 S: Z6 F, }9 `
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 [! j1 r( b! F! V; K) A
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.
> >, \3 F+ `$ ~/ u4 H
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 k. u) i( W5 g, L$ t7 W
> > in the cubicles.
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ ^& C4 K# Q8 \# W" f- F* m
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 g9 t! A0 K0 w: H6 c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.% K) P; S' p' E9 U. n
> >
> > Lunch Break) m# }' o$ R7 F: b
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they/ L) [: M# m/ u
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: s/ k& }9 T& T1 S$ z) `5 @: N5 m
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; L7 y# i; S! F5 K$ H
> > maintain their average figure.# X/ e) p/ y9 h( `: r
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. H2 f9 I, a* Y8 n7 E# Y5 D4 O
> > employment experience.
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,4 Q7 |( E% a9 h8 @$ m7 R, q$ F
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.

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