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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
7 J' g( e; `& C3 p" l( c9 M> > Effective January 2007
% M7 i" E5 e& ^$ H> >* M6 f* W) c* o; P& L( @) l! ~
> > Dress Code7 ^7 g1 K9 [9 g, R! S9 G n
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 _# T$ h' T! z7 ^! G* X5 L0 s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& G9 v5 C2 J/ O) Q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) P$ {2 T! C0 f> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 [3 {9 U2 c9 i6 b1 r$ r
> > need a pay raise.' ?$ l! R, r2 ~) n
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% R s) O/ c' q a) u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 q0 ^+ b5 Q4 i8 ?, c1 a$ n9 K! c> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
' {' D* R2 p, Q7 N1 w! B1 ^> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 q- O/ n* t' S$ p% g/ t/ g> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 K. ?3 t, o3 z4 X; }> > raise.
5 r2 B8 K4 a& E7 L$ Q3 T> >7 h+ X7 o: M' I( Z) p( G+ i
> > Sick Days* V! O$ E7 y6 F
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
1 M* G8 O5 V# G> > proof of sickness.
" u {- w/ n. q3 J8 P' o6 B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) D7 v! t% { n. K6 d& x> > to come to work.
0 P% r- ]2 k& j8 q- x, i7 ^> >
& X! A' U& Y6 i5 `4 w# `' B> > Holiday Days
$ H9 D" t# d3 F) ?> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- x% C- x1 l5 s# l> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
0 }/ b; {. F) Z6 m# `& {% r7 ^* J7 V> >
/ U, t6 _$ y/ A4 C9 I7 Z> > Compassionate Leave* j7 }, R4 T |) s( S' B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
% g+ {8 E2 g( Y8 ~+ k7 Z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 i6 X- \& J! f8 l, {
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 S" E6 ~6 R2 K5 A
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
5 Z% P( R0 \2 ?0 t0 I- z9 o> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
9 c) M+ w- b* b8 q( C4 c> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) p2 j/ F- f2 J# i( g9 h; J9 g
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 t! |# K( G; d7 K( U! I; L& Q
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
4 D* ^$ @) M; P/ C9 l> > hour early.
$ {4 v. H) D0 ?) M4 k: N> >& {2 F% V6 ~) J! j
> > Toilet Use
$ D! G; l& x8 O/ M3 \> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) s& j3 X) y, D& a. x0 K0 m
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; J, p: f4 h8 C9 E) x; H# z& N
> > in the cubicles.
3 J' g9 f% u9 [+ c4 ~0 X> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
, i( K/ l6 c9 L1 B6 s5 x> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 H+ a: Z3 n8 b1 O
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' Z. `5 ]7 A7 Y5 Q( i1 w! H, N) |
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& ~$ Z! Y$ }9 {' F' @) y> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ h% g7 V L1 A* f> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 R, r9 k8 l+ u) M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- ?6 b! V( \, t9 G6 V/ d> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& q5 W: {4 e. B% ]( f: K$ h5 r
> > policy.
& _2 Y; D. E! j& w9 A- G- L> >) p3 E# c% T; u$ i+ ]; B) t1 ]
> > Lunch Break3 v4 i V7 @7 w: n
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& [- H6 Y, ?) C+ \" G> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 O0 h/ a* [) Z3 \, m) Z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- I" k# ~ y5 A> > maintain their average figure.6 \! F" B8 e `) p
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 \: S6 S) R- d) \4 Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 \: t" S4 K& m0 R: L3 q( {
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% a6 A5 H J& b3 {9 g
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" `" p' _2 `3 ]/ y" m1 B& e> > employment experience.7 V v0 |1 L7 X4 T0 E% F
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,6 f/ t) C% x) ?; ^
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 ^) n& C; L% S; |: I* G, [, |
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; L* L% D1 ]5 b1 z
> > directed elsewhere. |
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