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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
1 }* l ~* B, q! N6 ^4 ~, m0 ]& C> > Effective January 2007
" e1 f6 m7 M- D> >$ a" }/ L* M$ e; T! G2 O7 s- y
> > Dress Code* c. Y; }7 S4 Y/ v) T
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& p4 f' ?6 G: J/ Q- o> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' F$ H2 ~* t, }( P* U5 i m2 G
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 `0 l. ]4 W* K
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; U3 a7 ^9 }' y) ]5 n> > need a pay raise./ Q! K4 ]. _1 I4 u( Q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 X) |/ w/ V3 }" w4 W> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
x0 _' I) @) W$ v, R5 d% X> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.8 [5 h) M7 P. O3 X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! A N$ J P* r1 I3 r2 h> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
! Q# F# M$ S5 @: ^> > raise.' [& I# w( M+ o% d5 v' @
> >
' q* i# {, p. i# B% C% r; _: ^* S> > Sick Days: O2 w, K9 Y5 d, k& f% J
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. U/ b( O+ k4 m2 X9 q; ~
> > proof of sickness.
# @- p* C7 P' Z$ W: F* w) D) c> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 i9 \ b1 B, H9 q> > to come to work.
7 O9 }9 w* A; E$ T> >$ ]; F1 [, g" J: g
> > Holiday Days
. `! |+ S0 s+ K( f( ], k+ u. d> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; k1 Z7 ]# N" d: ]% O! B> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
( } B I, O* H2 s K% ~> >0 A8 k/ ~) S g8 T9 {; ?% K( u. D
> > Compassionate Leave
; e! y$ \) z. T7 \! k> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' g4 X( y. a/ z' f> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-; i$ D7 z9 g6 f" c
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-4 c0 R7 f% _% _5 R7 v+ Z: ~! D
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
& x/ V: x' L9 Q2 B: J2 ^: E/ ^: p> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# u F' q/ l0 O& R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) L3 I. r4 O% I% _+ c1 ?> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. ]2 k" I# }, ]( l: B. `# \> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: S/ E4 V( T3 G' Z0 V+ r
> > hour early.
' P& O" y3 t& m E$ V> > b" M% v& ]1 \( A
> > Toilet Use0 z2 q3 J$ q4 f F
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ P8 r$ h* b' U8 z, K7 G
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit3 L& s8 W2 H& m* [: u0 Z8 d- K9 Z: x
> > in the cubicles.
5 \0 q& U$ P$ G- K& _/ B/ F> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) V9 ~% E* [7 J
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle9 ?) m. v" J; Q* p2 E
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# ~& h# f9 r L* O
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
9 e) F" p) R3 ]" J# i s> > posted on the company notice board under the' `- I# t5 b9 U1 I
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
U8 j4 N; D3 \, U% S v0 W' ? V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ M9 W' r7 w3 F: [! |# {9 C% M
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ r( a8 {6 s0 w" k> > policy.8 m; z4 x: t: o1 ~* c
> >
0 w! c% E# T5 ^4 N3 M! Q1 K> > Lunch Break; F7 _6 S, J' X
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they! N" k% B. s9 T$ G" ?6 ]9 r! Y1 o
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 {1 ^* O g% M, G
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* ]- V9 {$ B7 g/ G) P
> > maintain their average figure.# \% n2 R8 W; n- R3 S0 Q" v* h$ r1 f& Q& x
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 l8 K) l8 V2 a5 T> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! H& G0 e& b" r$ z. x> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are" c- h6 d* @5 d0 x& Z3 b
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
1 V1 d. _$ |4 x+ O> > employment experience.2 s$ g$ o H6 U$ E/ B
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ p2 J7 |% D% @& c# p' _) X> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 U$ ?0 L4 g6 B+ V6 _0 V! ]9 u/ D
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
3 _* \6 n: d, y# C> > directed elsewhere. |
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