HR MEMO

To all Employees:9 d$ Z5 I6 P( R1 N- }3 I
> >                   Effective January 20074 L* I" C1 u, s+ X
> >$ M+ z( @, P6 S8 w
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- I# _/ h& R2 U
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 }( m* y  b1 L' r1 R* D
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 s; S# {7 h# ?- @3 m2 l
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* G' t; A( @$ `) Y8 w1 Y4 F, d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
> > raise.& c$ _, h6 T7 a( r( c
> >
> > Sick Days* O: A* V# v& q+ i; G% P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' q) V4 r- m/ o* ^7 }2 L
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.5 f& j, _. P0 g8 o
> >
> > Holiday Days3 }1 w, I" N# }! F
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% L9 r& f8 [, B& t
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) \9 {2 M9 X# W) U" |% M
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ V* ?) a' p3 a; _& v! z" ?. J+ F
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
> > hour early.) L, E! M( I. X/ e/ o$ _2 d, h
> >
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the: i7 U) b% K$ c( |2 Q0 ?. E: M
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.  |' n# ~8 n# A' p
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ b# o6 r0 a1 Y
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.5 i  u2 @  g% d
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 v$ ~7 k! F& [5 B# Z% a
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
> > policy.
> >
> > Lunch Break
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 Z1 C# m2 }) F# d$ v# v7 a; R% i
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.) S0 I# L; t2 P  m$ B" ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are6 w& u% E' S( v8 e1 o! C$ U5 e
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience.2 l, J! [. @* }5 N& \" |( A4 m) n
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.

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