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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
7 e% X2 {/ t$ z" p6 v2 T5 ~: Z> > Effective January 2007
5 H, w6 A; p( b4 X4 B> >
& V& b, A3 t# n$ b! Y+ e9 l> > Dress Code& ~5 y' Q& {4 W4 i+ C
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
4 X$ u$ I) t" L7 r) x2 G3 I> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 V" m: w, o: c5 G
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- A. u+ A( z% E3 S w
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 g" r" H; o% K> > need a pay raise.2 [" m; S2 `1 }" g( Z3 B4 _
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 L% X4 x& R% }3 o+ v$ m
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, B8 @3 M% d9 u$ `9 g, F/ E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& I# k1 K9 g! q> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 z D% W4 l! Q# \) d/ V
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& C0 p1 b& {( N3 _( [
> > raise.+ q8 U" s: G2 `+ u, ~$ Q; W
> >. H0 \1 i6 \, [( y! R b( Q5 N# l* t
> > Sick Days( r4 o( ?' r* D& w7 o: r; P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as* x( P( S' n5 {1 @8 l
> > proof of sickness., I& E/ }7 D7 p0 k& U' w9 `
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able4 m2 n9 U' E* { Z9 o b8 H) n v
> > to come to work.* C' E' h9 _6 c% R2 a& j, p/ `- R
> >
6 J6 F9 g! g- ^; L$ @> > Holiday Days/ V; k. D: W* Z) S
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ b. A1 b' N$ i5 {1 V( a! e( ?
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 _7 a# G. x5 O( C6 Q" A
> >6 e# A6 z" `8 Q* ?6 u! Y' L
> > Compassionate Leave" z" O( Q! T) f( L) z) C% I0 H
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
' n6 |- q7 u4 p3 I0 k0 S> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ o$ G4 |, n& Z. h" Z! ~
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
: U: v. ]( x. E4 ^> > employees attend to the arrangements." E* G7 B% t, F/ X
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 }! \, o- b9 ]! r) v6 C3 W. _6 ]> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 d1 ?9 z, B; J0 y- k. e3 L
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( a1 T! a# Q4 f! ^. I1 `
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 [8 U- g( h6 J: G, M$ H> > hour early.2 l8 ]# _- ^5 A3 W$ Y, n
> >' D8 |: c0 u$ b; k* R# Q9 s
> > Toilet Use! w- X8 E' |/ J' h$ u: a
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
& v4 h7 Y" @3 v4 X' p. Z> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ M" s; w% Z3 s4 ^5 m
> > in the cubicles.
. P" W, K% H% J6 J> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
1 I, `. u; S. ~6 c: C [$ O> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 j; ?9 V; ?" M. j
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" n9 J1 o: L. {+ J& J+ Z: x6 H$ w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( K# u. X! H& s9 W$ f O
> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ p4 W% A3 M0 G% G# g5 Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
7 }$ m0 H5 _3 z, @7 N$ d, Q" I> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 S* `; r5 |; i3 W) f( z
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" b6 v2 H8 T; S' U% _> > policy.
% r& r# l1 E" t, N0 u# z5 X% f) ]> >
! C: ^1 z/ e+ V6 W4 O> > Lunch Break
6 q" A+ Z# _. B% y: B> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ N$ Z; b& C8 B* G/ m% n$ _0 C; x> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
g5 S# U# L- x$ B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 r! a1 ^" W2 x1 o5 s2 U
> > maintain their average figure.; I( ^! |# }' ]8 e/ F5 q3 J# J
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 H$ L4 z0 u6 b, Q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- ~1 D5 e$ @; ]( n# _* m
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: Y) H: l. L3 v' N1 k) i" L: L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ z" F, o1 {* Y
> > employment experience.
; M2 P& z' n( [* J: h0 m R> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
! k' S$ ~% E7 h( s> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,* K B% U) c5 t0 c
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 S& W: ~( o0 t% g3 _ Q
> > directed elsewhere. |
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