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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:4 f, P$ U- B8 j1 r( D
> > Effective January 20079 D9 m' J& D- L2 Y& G) F8 i
> >
7 l( k* r& V4 F" _- p+ P( W0 w$ A> > Dress Code) W( E6 d* |; j6 Y& T
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 D7 _6 G5 S- _' J9 Z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( H4 }- M' Y& ?2 M
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, A f5 T# \) Z6 ?
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' C" a9 _+ b: E7 C f, b( D: g> > need a pay raise.
( B2 N1 p! d% R, T. E) A6 m> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& ?* y% s7 |7 Y) A* r' m+ r# \& `> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 o9 y1 z, `2 I4 V3 g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
9 v5 G3 H; u! Q X+ ~2 y3 g# f> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
3 S7 d1 B% X$ n> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 |! V/ j8 E6 A
> > raise.4 W. P8 E. f% Y
> >" M: |+ [/ e7 @7 E
> > Sick Days6 }" U; S1 ?* g2 O7 Q* z' C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 ~/ {! P8 n1 `. e3 E! B- A: x
> > proof of sickness.4 S0 V K! H3 M8 @' u
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* a Y B+ D2 B) y" W3 {# X
> > to come to work.4 S e$ M/ J% ] O" Z
> >
' Q5 p# w. F, e M: `8 F' A9 @3 p> > Holiday Days
( `) x$ y/ V% Z7 ` {6 y> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 ~! M$ p, r; S0 ]; ?6 }* ^, Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
, O% r! ?+ m3 y$ y5 Z> >
3 W8 j/ V9 w; v) p" _% s i8 @" |6 l. m8 ~> > Compassionate Leave, \/ A9 k! B, o/ T0 H! e
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% T6 D9 w& u; R# D" o7 T
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( i$ b4 o# t$ g3 e" T8 t; Y$ X> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 W. a! w( L, A) ]7 s' k* f/ R5 {
> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 ]7 r! B) b8 d+ Q' ]2 B8 h4 d0 I
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is& q$ q% t6 m+ \ b0 r
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- ^# }: o. J3 D9 z# O+ [4 u3 F> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' |0 m% G! I' G5 i2 k- o
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one3 @6 f. ~% J9 L1 O& i$ u0 K
> > hour early." s/ W. l) U6 W
> >
& K8 }" c3 c; N' U% n( G' v8 v> > Toilet Use
- Y1 B: k% q8 N5 O* x> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' P+ g6 g- {" z. g" J+ h: w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit6 E+ N: P/ W6 x7 x' b' H
> > in the cubicles.' ]0 _; f3 @- G6 c, z1 U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
0 p, l* F5 S6 w3 w7 x> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 ~. |: \+ J. M& a, I4 W
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& ~' s( G9 y( d; r> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
& `2 d/ I% l7 F& j. f) b3 @8 f4 w> > posted on the company notice board under the
8 M8 x n% `1 ?* q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 C* u/ F- J; e, r8 Q+ O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 {1 f) Y# `$ ], w( X> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 P! H; N% t$ m3 k/ _
> > policy.
. b4 N- ~: N2 d8 H+ v* K+ ^" ?7 [> >
" @, g$ ?4 Y, l/ Q% C9 c5 D> > Lunch Break
6 D! I! i+ |, `) r8 W+ f0 C> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 X2 e: r& r" o R4 }' s1 B: b
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Y; B; \! D! I7 _
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 h/ L' R: T3 I; l
> > maintain their average figure.
" a8 U8 w' B! ~- L! H) U5 Y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, ^4 ?0 u! w) j7 q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, F/ f2 P5 b% A, p$ s5 ^! F> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: p A8 `0 u% o/ `> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. c% V2 x( N, F8 K/ z/ H ~> > employment experience.
6 C% e5 p8 p; @> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
2 l7 z3 Y* ?# }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) Q/ A: k- d( b6 C
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be/ ~# z# Q# T" y
> > directed elsewhere. |
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