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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:+ _/ l; o0 B( w/ D0 ?
> > Effective January 2007
( k6 a4 O4 p! w* Z( N8 ~> >
/ u. E) _. S( J> > Dress Code1 K# P$ g8 L$ y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% Y, d6 y8 I( h; N- P
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 E0 j& y; x+ e! w8 D9 f+ V
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 k1 M! b2 a' m5 f6 O/ Z! `> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 D+ k# g) G. e
> > need a pay raise.1 ~8 L$ H+ J2 R1 g' ~
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage4 T0 [4 m+ g% S/ y$ a% {
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- F& G; m1 F0 S9 s0 m# t' J: P
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 r/ r1 Y+ m [5 \
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 ~8 q- V7 j7 w9 O o% V" Q
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* Z m$ L. d/ p+ U, I2 R> > raise.8 U1 o3 W* D- j
> >/ B. m+ ~7 _: Y1 _7 x
> > Sick Days e g/ e/ B" h# T9 F3 p2 N9 [! P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; N L: ?. T) y' I
> > proof of sickness.
; R7 d/ K" I/ u> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 ?- j# {, H' x/ @, l2 W
> > to come to work.
- L1 j n1 w) @4 C> >$ l$ P, F9 ?: q/ D$ M+ ^
> > Holiday Days7 r' K/ k% m7 y% Z& _9 d
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a r8 ]6 F/ e7 V
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( Y0 L# M% Y9 y) M. e! m
> >
% N; r8 K+ L( a9 C> > Compassionate Leave/ z# Z1 t6 w# o) D% v
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing% y/ `* V' [# U) O. R; \0 q
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) A" K# q( n8 i6 J9 E> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-3 {/ o, W8 N* a
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 w- N3 G3 Z6 ]7 z
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 _7 i$ ^) x1 T* p3 |
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 G0 I+ c% H2 K) I5 q# p# i
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 f$ l$ U4 {1 W0 ]0 U6 r> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' s- ~2 J+ |" {. b6 t> > hour early.
+ _4 f! }* w' }+ _6 s> >
& W+ c2 J; x a/ A( I0 k> > Toilet Use
3 s) f" p$ }4 W1 ^> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the' x5 H' ^3 K, Y2 p+ E' y2 h
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
. G9 B& j! ^7 r& [> > in the cubicles.- k& x6 f+ t+ @ O3 Y8 {3 _: j: }
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' r% \& o* ^- D+ T& t" L> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
$ _+ U3 A3 ^- i% |) t7 ?% s6 W6 l> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
9 ?: @! g9 p& S> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ ~2 `+ R, M' K1 l> > posted on the company notice board under the* V( Q8 Q# q; e1 P7 R! x6 u
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ K9 {6 C" u- k3 C, ?> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be j% Z! q# a( x& k; x8 x2 d2 o
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
% F* r$ K3 G3 Q) P! G) R9 r: i; v, ?> > policy.9 [6 C( C3 k2 n3 a6 e. u$ \6 H- C& a U
> >
C$ J0 C. `4 e$ Y7 i+ R' Q6 |; }, E> > Lunch Break P/ E% O0 E& v9 b7 m
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ \' @+ Z8 s( H
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 i5 M0 J, Q; e" r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ B3 Y$ |1 y# N$ J) p7 D> > maintain their average figure.
& p. N& S; f- W> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" q3 s0 K! \' `: E3 m
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' j; p/ v6 l' D3 a1 J% g/ K3 |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are% y* I# k+ Y$ i$ i( a+ F! Q) S( Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 C2 M2 d" G$ {0 Q
> > employment experience.0 S. H7 D8 c4 ]0 M( ?: Y
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 y8 i# A/ Z' {+ Y. w0 b6 y" W
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' g, c6 n; J1 l9 o* x> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# d: \2 k4 D9 C
> > directed elsewhere. |
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