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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
; j/ {- V- q4 z& ^9 z* t> > Effective January 2007' x! d: D- P8 @7 [: {( |1 S: B
> >
! t7 K+ v7 Q! E) c; v. a> > Dress Code8 E/ r* a( y5 a: W9 m
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
8 q0 s$ A* L. w7 N S0 L> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 F& g1 C k7 B) J> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# m1 h. L4 c* N9 i> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. u) Z. \- T2 l8 ]2 G9 W4 ]; {
> > need a pay raise.8 d9 v$ d' ?4 L" T* k+ @" K2 G
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 r4 k5 a) S$ A+ I6 z" j+ d> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
8 ^/ G1 }' y+ x6 g) p> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.$ [0 Y r3 d6 S2 a) c8 D
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ I3 m# @. s2 r. z1 S H% R+ |
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
~" k) J3 X' f# H6 U> > raise.
! G2 C- N% n) |$ [% e> >/ W/ G" o+ J1 q* e% h" F
> > Sick Days. ~0 o% Z* n* l; F6 T/ F$ W T
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: f$ w0 i/ b' M> > proof of sickness.
8 y. K3 Q f" _# B0 f2 c/ y> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
! p$ D" w/ D7 }$ m: R> > to come to work.2 @8 Y ^. @1 _, J5 g
> >
; |: y' k& e; g. Z4 q t* }+ n' e* q+ o> > Holiday Days3 z* h: A$ l9 z6 p, X1 N
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 [; R; i0 G. h M
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( T9 e8 I) W. a; m
> >
8 s1 M3 T2 i9 z> > Compassionate Leave
. K/ e* x% C, _& Y# }> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ |% O; {$ G; B4 y! h6 E! o
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 N9 ^5 b# u% h9 X5 y; r" z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-- l5 \. v7 X" ]
> > employees attend to the arrangements." S0 v3 n B p4 T! K- d A2 m5 e' |
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- l2 h! c, _5 a) b
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
5 q. Q3 a C; |# O% |* {! j; Q& @( l> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
: H, h, \7 G" ~> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' t% ^% I, ~# f$ V2 Z4 ~" L4 I
> > hour early.
+ f8 B% h! O6 _! f, L> ># G$ H( O i2 y# v% C
> > Toilet Use
7 a! `7 p# c3 d' v& k* ^5 I( r7 h( q> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
3 B6 k6 s6 O, v; U> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ @# a2 N, V, p: D) t( Q
> > in the cubicles.
4 H3 c7 [+ s: Y# t8 ^" B> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
4 Z8 |2 W0 V6 X6 ~; p* Z/ j0 @> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
: t, x, F- K7 q; ?> > door will open, and your picture will be taken., ]0 W7 f- D- v1 Z% J* B9 ~
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
+ Q/ g# Q% K! |+ m1 t+ R> > posted on the company notice board under the
( e4 w: i$ ~$ T9 @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
# K9 o2 ~, T! @9 b> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
" ?+ F) t* q6 u, _" L1 b1 A# S- X> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 I1 I2 F% |/ q n7 X1 O> > policy.1 @, q* H4 [0 ^( C. q
> >" E' G. S! O$ D! B
> > Lunch Break
3 m4 b- J4 {4 {& ]8 f& A3 i4 _6 _> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
6 U! k3 N8 m) _3 |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% ~- w5 ~9 S: U, Z6 R6 z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ B3 Z+ o9 p5 L9 J- X: |. X: Z> > maintain their average figure.
# u! r% S9 X6 o> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 [) z3 \2 E |
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; P: S5 ~, L( R. W8 n0 U) U
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* O* W3 h, W0 Y1 {' z( O( M$ i; L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) q4 }7 h/ _$ h: ]' T$ e
> > employment experience.
8 J3 H& z' u( ^+ u> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 g& [6 S* k8 L U9 v1 ]> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ q" {8 A0 L" Z* x5 f+ ~
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be" b, A4 m+ {& X& a* D3 e" [: J
> > directed elsewhere. |
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