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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
' t; a, d* }* @> > Effective January 20078 [: d: w8 x% z8 H7 V0 J
> >
7 P) Y N3 i9 S0 m% i# g> > Dress Code3 k6 w+ t7 I( K! L: e
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 M3 s; B6 ?& R( l* v
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, p- U/ g0 g# n% g; H: s> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) h2 {% v6 S% m8 {3 P4 s> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 n! }4 s1 ^- f9 a0 E$ \9 Y> > need a pay raise.0 y6 Y" ~8 G) o6 T& Y; w( W
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 O3 ?8 r8 l- w# u& \! Q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
: ]# _5 l& I# ?8 ^> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. v+ d) } Y& n0 B3 g3 U
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ G! f' l2 v- W# K' {/ T> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- Q( M7 O5 k9 g# B: J! O/ V
> > raise.
* N. j, ^! \) B! U6 v& K% W" L> >* x* N* n+ b# t, y* ]0 j3 Q
> > Sick Days: r. B- J. h2 w* n. g% c
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" P5 t a" c5 _) g
> > proof of sickness.
* _! g E% G) z% t> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# |( |0 Y X3 z0 @* {
> > to come to work.* q3 h7 u5 n3 n, W$ E
> >' m8 F, f+ W$ e4 I
> > Holiday Days
+ Z Q/ z( F3 Y/ z2 M. L> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% k, \# w R" U0 O1 l" S
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.0 z8 U1 W* M m4 I. J5 Q4 z
> >$ G$ C- T( e6 _9 ]/ c/ i3 c$ }
> > Compassionate Leave
7 M0 o. W8 K# m! m5 e> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ I6 ?% }; b: r) k/ v, T
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 J! O6 R4 n8 k( O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, D, x0 c0 X0 h% z
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 u1 Q; `$ b; R' ~0 [> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
- K1 g* g' x% N& R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
+ u; u8 ^ J, h2 b) u> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work M+ N+ K" Y0 P+ m& O
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, A9 R% I2 X. b+ I& p! W' v: p> > hour early.
, A2 b, G+ I! W1 h9 Z( s> >
5 g! y) y6 J5 K8 C) ~3 D> > Toilet Use
1 _+ K" c) P* B x4 u4 d, h9 Y> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 G' m& N/ v& u3 S* v v> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
- x/ m+ N; L/ ^6 J8 ]9 \% z0 c> > in the cubicles.$ s; y! n/ W9 j1 V8 {, K# T8 a
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will& j6 Y$ x' m p6 e
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
5 K/ |$ |' b; E0 a/ h- T> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 b! a- S( @( L! _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be o' d' g: F, i: V3 J; b
> > posted on the company notice board under the, `- @8 U- C. z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. g: s6 W8 c3 [9 L3 E5 N9 ]
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
" U' M' l H; f: P# i> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, z0 O5 m, l8 q" J' r' `
> > policy.
3 \2 _ T8 P- j- l2 u' }* w> >
5 `3 Z9 r4 i7 i; P, U2 ?> > Lunch Break
3 G, V; J2 y$ B$ B" [> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they4 o2 y6 e5 u4 v4 c
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 b5 z8 q8 i+ U3 [9 Q4 d$ G/ A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ F4 G0 v' {) H
> > maintain their average figure.% N6 _; @7 a$ J
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 H: _' h5 [; s$ _
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
C9 K/ z1 p+ R# O9 @ D5 S> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 } Y2 E% P! B! c2 R! J, r3 C
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# R' h! ~' R/ w5 F
> > employment experience.
0 N: o* P* k' F( s/ s> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
- T( ^! c; a) g1 e* R- G> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! @# j$ Z% y- F! l7 y6 S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
, P: F0 B `* J3 `# a3 P> > directed elsewhere. |
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