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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
# U, X, `. ?, q% S& X" B# f/ z> > Effective January 20076 a) T/ k x/ }6 ^% d% X+ c
> >) S ]* e! j6 s% v+ a9 \
> > Dress Code: k1 P7 ]) B1 |! F/ D
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 P5 c; m4 V1 D/ J6 W4 n- y
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 F+ c; i) w( R( S3 W1 ^> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 d" Z2 d" [9 J- I7 w I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: e5 [9 M" e! V9 Y8 F> > need a pay raise.& \! `9 y @ z3 g4 V* D
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ g' H' Q1 N |: X" V& Y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
$ e" z' E* r" v> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 x# e0 I' E- T/ A- D8 l2 T% R) ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
Z" X& x8 c9 D: J> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay. m, |$ m6 B( W5 `1 i7 ?$ t
> > raise.3 M& r9 S, @ v+ T* O7 Q' Y
> >
5 Y) w: {; Y5 ~4 `) F> > Sick Days) u: W* y2 `" D. I3 D
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* f* R+ `; z. {2 s3 ~7 d8 T9 U2 ^, M> > proof of sickness.4 s W: o% k3 N* u" Q0 l5 {4 B
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ ] V6 Z1 ^! h> > to come to work.
9 E+ w! l \5 C! v3 I7 E C> >% r" x$ l. e8 ~8 T* \7 Y. e
> > Holiday Days0 R! ~' l) @8 ?6 ~3 q6 X! M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a$ W2 T; v; ~. {6 z# v1 W
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 F$ B0 i" p. w/ V5 B2 l
> >
9 A6 s7 z, S# y; j" \# z6 ^> > Compassionate Leave. K- d, X% w! o
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing9 @4 I1 X8 [1 L2 _
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- k' R% X1 q9 n! X8 t* q
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. \+ C% B7 ]) Z1 J2 U8 J! m0 d+ q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' L- l, q& @4 V9 I W% q, [> > In rare cases where employee involvement is. N- E- z* f7 x" d" u
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 X; u) ~' p& s5 |
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' d, w* |+ A8 T4 N, ^> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one- y4 M: d1 H- `6 c* Z2 y, V
> > hour early.
# u2 v7 T! ` i. E) w3 n7 p> >
$ l7 l$ |" c' l6 I8 _> > Toilet Use
% }8 n2 j, D. A$ v3 r3 p" S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# ?9 U. @8 J" x5 ~, A4 r' r) m7 _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; D" _! n# p) D, o/ y3 _8 g' b2 H. q
> > in the cubicles.
0 B" k* R6 }/ P/ i" D> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ o/ Z% R6 W" b$ F1 h. b> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ t6 A }% R4 h5 K/ E8 l. B
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. v% G0 m+ U) R# @6 L# T' r
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 Y* z3 d/ Y* B& V& ]4 x% p4 w
> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ Q# j3 ?; e$ H' M. @6 \> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; V8 E7 _' X3 d' Q* w2 m" v+ {! g
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 u8 g8 Z9 }, J6 y6 J0 c( O> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! h8 i8 a1 }; h+ B5 q. C
> > policy.3 @" U" J1 F5 ^! M
> >
- u2 x7 ]7 Q7 o, E+ l: N* L> > Lunch Break7 P3 @- X/ e, R. a7 M
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ p) h: K( ^1 U% f" n> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 [! B" X# k) v. e4 `8 C3 i5 W8 {4 J
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! G7 L' u/ K' Z> > maintain their average figure.2 a" b G8 s8 Q; [; Q/ E0 A
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time. a! _% `3 [- s
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# l; z4 B& h8 R' M: @5 Z3 A3 F5 E9 ^> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( ~( g' ?/ E) p% I- A9 a8 ]# g> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* S0 x9 n) W( W8 ^
> > employment experience.
) p; E* H6 u0 O3 d9 l+ r> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,- C: P5 |* n A2 @( N
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) |+ r" C$ X7 v
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
3 E! H9 o& r, B+ |/ Q3 D7 [6 r0 u> > directed elsewhere. |
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