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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:& B! g6 G* W0 Z/ L; k
> > Effective January 2007
, U! E( a! i5 W3 c2 j> >
9 n. x4 A4 Q. j# a$ L> > Dress Code
( o3 F; J$ f3 M" ^9 G. `$ n$ r7 b> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed! H3 I; t9 N; S) H$ l! X, X3 O3 t: N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 i0 w3 T- A8 z1 W2 q% U> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) W+ f) x4 z, D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
+ r8 q3 L" ?5 E8 O A: Q, H; l1 o> > need a pay raise.
9 a; |3 s6 K5 V> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
- D" D% i; j' B3 W$ {& z) S, x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer5 j- r8 z: A f: l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ N$ d3 I0 a: Y$ }# B c> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" t) Y4 K( F3 @6 T! J4 M
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
5 E$ @1 U4 A6 p% G1 d- t> > raise.9 h% ]" f1 B9 p0 @
> >
& a3 v! O+ M- p" z: C> > Sick Days' \; H n% G7 X% a9 d
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. X" x0 q+ h/ y2 k D+ {- W> > proof of sickness.
& O2 { L1 @; f$ ]1 d> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# H, a0 M& O& N% A5 p$ N, a9 [8 u> > to come to work.
( }2 U E8 l& e) O9 U1 z> >
5 a) a! G! t% w: ^> > Holiday Days
# m5 u' U+ z! U7 K> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" x: E, s- T8 o# Q1 z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
) Z- h1 O* z4 U: ^) l> >
/ \- ^" N! h$ @> > Compassionate Leave
) C% m1 Y ]8 u, `$ ~& A! |5 U4 z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- f% H( \# k# z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- s! q7 A6 `8 F! p1 @> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. |+ \( H: q+ L/ A2 T> > employees attend to the arrangements.
. Q/ y5 o# p% W3 Q3 j; s> > In rare cases where employee involvement is. I" K7 l0 J$ L2 ^6 u
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the( D+ a1 Z0 v' N+ |$ @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
w L$ N9 x+ C; z! u) y4 p/ P> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 v( o! f; `# \$ m9 \; I$ B> > hour early.
) H1 X$ u& E% f$ r0 y' j) T1 U- m$ A> >& L, D4 d; Y' e. E2 F; o5 a" |; _+ h
> > Toilet Use7 ?) S. F! b" e3 P1 S
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
! @9 L' u' T. w0 y- q) ^7 `& X> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ F, k7 a w- W! Z
> > in the cubicles.
6 Z* I0 c( N/ U x& I> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ E9 p' I8 C& f" L. g2 c
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* \5 I; E1 i5 K+ {- x
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
( A) \# a! w1 [$ G* B0 O> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 X, B$ r6 P3 ~1 V* ]
> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 @" Y- z7 G8 C* g# e> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( U) O4 U5 L$ q> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
9 s7 |# Z; v% q) r7 k> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ J* S" N! b' s1 @ }> > policy.
# L* _, `. G$ H6 u( p/ K> >
( ^4 J& U# j5 F& F: `6 I- l) L, V> > Lunch Break. [5 M9 C1 N1 ?8 v
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! S) w: H6 D( u( f8 n> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ I) l+ v$ w/ u& o3 d" y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; d6 z" d" k; G
> > maintain their average figure.
2 Y9 n% Y1 D$ c6 z" D$ w> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; m! {/ C$ p/ F# ]4 `/ b4 B! K> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: Z4 m. |: q" u* }/ m, `6 @
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, g3 F6 K( M- x4 k! v
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
9 i/ o+ C" f4 V9 F8 J% |' l> > employment experience.
1 H0 {" D1 a: k/ v> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 ?) k! y- `, ]5 m+ O
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 I$ D1 |$ T6 r# A9 Z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be! ?2 X. W' @1 Y. @2 l* ^
> > directed elsewhere. |
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