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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:" d& C2 l- v# ^- J+ \8 k% k
> > Effective January 2007
0 X/ d/ J; E6 C6 k& i" `: e> >
/ }7 X' n' H" O, F7 ]> > Dress Code0 o0 F3 y0 Q) ~
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. x! e. \; v- ?( f* B z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( s& z. x/ D7 _> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 s& O) s$ ]. A7 j
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% m; C2 V1 M! y8 l, I; x& Y
> > need a pay raise.
$ t7 r& n7 S( n, c. F+ ~0 {> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# E& |* c7 F4 U. e7 v
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
) Y& a" \+ m$ \; W8 _8 P) o> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, E3 A' w/ \. T% k2 R> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. g5 w/ p( E0 v Z' K- U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 y# q. H( c5 b- f: t
> > raise. V& |, s4 c0 Y$ C* a2 P ]
> >% F4 a. M# z' V9 R! e' B% g' ]
> > Sick Days" M5 \+ n% N2 G* O( _
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as) I% n7 X- e( e8 E4 p' Q# x
> > proof of sickness.* {8 n6 L1 j' x* y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ B% ?* z& h. [. ?0 x% p6 V> > to come to work.
1 ~' o: o5 F4 j/ Y1 j- p) E2 G> >% V: L }( h, J N4 f; r7 h& z- _
> > Holiday Days& C. x6 I7 f3 K8 V9 u- S7 o
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
. I, `0 }- V" o! F> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
$ i3 o4 o; R! k" B> >
+ P4 p6 e3 W3 c y2 ]5 G> > Compassionate Leave
) [+ t. J' W' d! q I- W( E8 k> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* d' i+ y7 j D7 x0 }' R; M> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# m" F- }. L% t- u* f. W
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-+ k3 _, j5 X, e/ l( m" `
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 A3 }. ?) D5 t6 l) j& w/ c
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# {: o! [; D2 s) | D, J> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the& w) H, ?, D# _) _! b9 c. H/ j$ J% Y
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work& D+ ]3 a- t- [+ [& L
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* n7 A, n( [$ P
> > hour early.$ a* t2 V4 h' Y/ \5 ?0 u) v: j
> >
! N# w7 v- C% P3 `4 X> > Toilet Use
! }$ V' e& v/ f0 }7 D6 j# T- f> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) L( u7 A; c$ y, L6 s( r
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
5 X+ h1 q( O" Q: a* J" b- n: i( h> > in the cubicles.4 S# E1 z! i, c; d& e( m: T/ c4 A
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
2 Z5 }" b! A! a: w> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' l# O y3 q% P, s! s: V; e& b H
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 q) V0 m! x4 J* B' r% Q6 o: p m
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) W9 e; a2 A' x) e4 P+ [
> > posted on the company notice board under the$ C u$ n" j+ t2 r
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; S* A0 W0 F0 N. v6 Y. g4 O5 }# W
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
( c* q4 q$ n( y5 g0 a& n> > sanctioned under the company's mental health" O0 @5 o, X+ o* j2 V5 P5 I5 Z
> > policy.# x% _( n* z5 }0 }) \; k/ o' d
> >; }) W6 U# ^5 q( v2 j; c, G
> > Lunch Break
; X4 {" W3 F, t; o1 C" y# S> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) u0 c& a3 d/ U6 r- f9 V
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 v, H+ M) O- G u2 ~' |
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, C9 I1 C* y( c* B> > maintain their average figure.) ?0 P. R' `5 b* h* x7 D
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
9 V/ s' Z ?; }; R# j- q- h> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* ~8 C j# P, T
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- x- c" m" p2 b2 A/ `, M> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 G; v) j: @9 F* D- ?& S$ a2 c. m
> > employment experience." l( g$ x1 r G( A3 T( i7 t! F
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 L: e( Z" G2 }% m$ f> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% v7 y. `# [. D- l/ A, {2 z) i
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be% P- I- T8 ?" T1 r" J) y9 R
> > directed elsewhere. |
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