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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
0 M" A4 {. R2 d& I> > Effective January 2007: C$ F+ ~1 J4 c W
> >
7 |& J u/ h0 B/ k W' z: P5 @7 K> > Dress Code
5 v$ I' A( e$ d2 b( n r. m3 h; T! R> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 c6 D p. g( [> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 J9 o0 J* A0 b! b% _, J' ]> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# L: S2 q1 F0 T0 i3 R9 @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 J0 ]9 @% f) D% P2 v& v
> > need a pay raise.
; [7 u7 j. t2 w> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) H! r7 W- o: x8 I# J! t> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. K) w C1 m) J, M3 Y" i$ w7 [
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ v' w7 i1 d+ W. G; h
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 ?9 W. \* T2 P0 H
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay, _( t4 b2 r+ Y* F
> > raise.- G( d! {" e! `. |
> >: u9 b2 r0 F9 c; H/ F# f
> > Sick Days
6 Y' [- h4 } d8 W, Y" f0 Y> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) h0 T) V: h7 M& X# Q> > proof of sickness./ h0 \) B! C) }" N5 \" A/ h
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able9 }$ X6 l1 O6 I8 f
> > to come to work.6 G, ?3 M: k* K0 X8 A. Z/ F" F) Q
> >9 Q+ Z# s2 b* R% ]
> > Holiday Days, q" f- E. ?0 h+ I' Y
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ J, w6 `' s' i1 ^7 J> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
* }$ Q t: P# s6 i, b> >
$ c1 k+ a0 T3 |1 X. w> > Compassionate Leave
6 q! u* B" J% C" `. X; R1 g> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing7 P: e: t- O4 m
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( u! l$ s4 d# Y9 H, v> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 a6 C( ?9 x- r1 A A$ l* ? M> > employees attend to the arrangements.! p: n7 D# P9 U! k+ ^5 t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! O$ E( `- M4 W% R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
; E* S) c" y M; x3 ^> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 M" _2 H# p& b0 v
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, \3 g' Y' m; l" j" g% V X! \1 i' O
> > hour early.
; p9 Y; t5 S6 x p7 K V* X- }> >/ h/ o- M, Z0 [9 Z% m
> > Toilet Use
! C: ]$ @; [9 ~8 l j* n- q: D> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ R; |$ l+ _# I/ U8 K1 C* e
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. [ x) L+ v f$ f
> > in the cubicles.0 O8 {; X9 b0 M$ K/ q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ ^% \1 Z3 e2 X: ?6 `4 L5 R
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' E+ e$ {* S8 V9 n6 l( b9 q* L
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
+ F3 Y, Z0 b( P0 }. X y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
2 \% W; M5 a$ n, m4 q0 {( u G> > posted on the company notice board under the
; X7 _- T/ @" m9 O8 G0 g7 q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* k J; n1 N/ z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" e: Q' C0 T) F$ \7 d
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" ]# J; Y5 g6 u0 X$ R> > policy. k9 C. O! B$ {
> >/ G& u; Z' |: } W! v
> > Lunch Break8 b- i8 U* C+ P& t1 {1 N: m+ b
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
# E% Z( t% g x: \7 G> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- r% N' A6 ^. E- ?> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% v" u* E. \( r5 a U8 q4 i> > maintain their average figure.
, H2 D* S: @) F4 d> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 O0 O( Q& ~ S6 d, `3 i
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* T( }2 j1 R* x* T/ h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! y" U, _# P: v* Q* f# Y3 }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, K4 R5 m, n9 }& S( G6 r
> > employment experience.
8 s' J8 Y) _& [( G. U% ?> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,5 F; P! m4 d3 R% O5 V+ D
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,/ Y) j1 V$ R0 ^1 P' Z) }8 y# T: e
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 a: i1 T- M' g
> > directed elsewhere. |
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