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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:# h8 N/ N6 z9 C9 X j. T- D: K) y
> > Effective January 2007
m6 t7 H8 b/ \& v8 m) {> >
6 c& e- e+ c m8 x> > Dress Code: u# K) }' h* i
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 \- `6 l6 C" X* f; }8 i> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
0 \% w3 Y5 i* m# ?* X e> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume- p4 ~3 f( B. ^. C/ A1 d7 S
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 Q' T. a9 x/ {* q9 ]1 y
> > need a pay raise.
3 {# L5 ]% j" A; h* v2 C" K+ _> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 Y p6 \# L, y% u
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! v5 E9 U/ O$ L$ ~2 `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* B# W. [, m& z8 B" g* u1 N+ I> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
6 B( T9 ~1 d9 ]6 ~' m> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
4 F* S7 l) b6 Y> > raise.
3 L/ I1 Y: E7 ^> >7 x2 _% o# K% A3 i3 G' ?, e
> > Sick Days
8 P4 d$ i3 A: S8 q/ [> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as* y, U6 ?+ F0 N% r0 d
> > proof of sickness.
& A2 w+ C0 b8 p9 D% y1 W> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
5 L) ~1 V1 u+ q> > to come to work.2 `6 t% t. l( ~# H2 L2 P
> >' g! A* n* Y* X( y. N6 ~" _& _
> > Holiday Days
: Q3 b+ C& |9 M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
& d4 A3 T3 B/ w6 n! ]6 K/ S; ?) w% @> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
- N+ A5 g e9 n8 [1 x: t4 Z> >& m0 W& |+ t, ?& c
> > Compassionate Leave
$ M% f! c9 O" T2 w b> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- l8 u$ c8 s! q+ O
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) E# R$ _) L4 S# b! d$ z3 A> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 a9 o$ _9 u: |7 s# u/ v) J> > employees attend to the arrangements.! b9 G8 C+ y$ \. N5 \
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
+ y9 o( q. e( q% t# v1 j$ S> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! ]. K% _" b/ Z" W1 | P> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; `5 _0 ~( [ Y! ?
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( r& j$ p% u2 }
> > hour early.. G. `$ y' V& z" ]1 t; d) h- T$ o
> >
( Z' t) N& {5 ?2 o9 v> > Toilet Use
3 e d3 N1 `, k& W; V0 |3 d/ s> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" h" \7 ^7 j" P) o, n' P- K7 w
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ T$ S: t2 E( y
> > in the cubicles.
8 M* [" S! O- t [1 G> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
3 s, F9 i% ~( j+ ^> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
" i1 B3 g; E: z6 S3 O/ l: j' O> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! p8 `) `& V6 A: @1 r> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
/ A! n" D. ~* ]> > posted on the company notice board under the
! h e, `. p" T& t% I0 `- z> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* j! ^; `7 o9 S
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ n2 R3 V- F0 P. I: } W> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- y( m# K8 _. V> > policy." A% R; V- s4 x p% U# v V% b
> >
. S; _/ _" S/ _# E/ ^+ j> > Lunch Break. H' f5 k4 z" K+ z+ z9 |
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& n" S1 B# T0 j+ o> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. C* a* c6 o9 ^9 F& t' \
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
3 a% ^3 W$ q ~* N: I8 D5 p' `> > maintain their average figure.
; J9 ?, B$ g8 k) O/ o4 |3 x> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 a8 `3 ]. N# j O& L
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
4 |6 `8 M% e/ N2 E8 P6 B$ p> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 E1 |$ J( T( a4 w" Y- E# ? p; o
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive) j' ^9 G( a# F+ U
> > employment experience.
8 l/ g3 D4 k: r> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
7 E; r9 `! p; ]4 p: e+ Q. U> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 ]7 w$ P& v6 w' q" b' D: z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ r* Q5 v9 c4 a
> > directed elsewhere. |
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