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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:" U0 V4 h0 j e; f( h q4 @
> > Effective January 2007
4 v4 D: |% v- d% `8 w9 x9 r> > R5 l( T: A; w) v4 N
> > Dress Code/ M6 V5 S4 I+ r" X- T
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 S( R$ D5 z& a* M, i! Q" R> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
3 E4 |% ^: X! }& C> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 b0 O" o' ^# A# q8 X5 l6 Q> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 E- z& a* z3 ?* V' l0 v0 t
> > need a pay raise.4 ?2 S K' z: y# V' Y! x
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. `4 l0 t) {: F' Q
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 \" W# U8 l% ?7 R4 Z# Q( a
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.( N; ]' [0 G* y1 ?7 |( B7 J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. U5 V5 |8 |+ b/ H% Y& Z: k# P
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 j0 X0 k# z4 i! g
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
) k2 G! @$ X0 w" ]6 ^# P> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
h0 a; Y% n$ I$ t% n& n/ m: k$ a> > proof of sickness.
4 K z0 q8 _* ]5 h1 n8 Z> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
; y, p0 w5 W2 f9 e' G3 K6 r> > to come to work.' b# K- m# y2 j4 i
> >8 U( \1 G3 V5 I9 b- u
> > Holiday Days8 V9 q/ l2 x+ D* }' f0 I0 J
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
+ Y: P6 w. r9 {) n' w3 ]+ g> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
8 |2 ~2 I4 N" C) ]) H+ l+ F> >' T- |# P) A& q2 R( s+ ^* z) n4 S, w
> > Compassionate Leave6 T. y/ s7 F5 |. j$ x% W
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. {: x: \- r* X) P> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
& {) O3 ?! c; g7 q0 i6 s5 }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
+ H: t4 c! D9 C* _" I' Y3 w7 {> > employees attend to the arrangements.( a4 T. F* Y N
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* i, N k9 n1 K% ?. M _4 W
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' I7 `' H: P! B. E/ a+ S* g
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work9 q. c7 C& u/ c" p
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 s! P" _- _( Q o
> > hour early.; n( L& C% c: h- ~4 Q
> >4 A) f/ N9 \# f- c
> > Toilet Use1 ~6 e" \4 @( D) a8 B. G0 f) b
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ S% O7 D p0 b7 I3 T5 a' r, ^& c> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
" T. `5 y) a7 Q. _' z5 h, }7 A> > in the cubicles.0 M( t) W- u' ^+ z* v4 O4 J
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, w7 p* l4 m3 G. r& ^- H
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle. n0 |/ M2 F/ F2 M {7 n
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
& n% Z9 }9 m- J> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be# X* X% H( f, m% Z a: `
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 }. e7 _5 v' @: a2 G8 P" F \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.9 x8 \( K3 Q, w Q0 Z
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" n$ }+ ]8 Z! {8 |$ G) v
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
1 X/ ~8 B* Y2 V8 D: A> > policy.7 N6 q% ~4 H. ^" q" n: M4 f' H& ~
> >
' i0 a# `1 Z( }8 E7 z8 H( p> > Lunch Break3 j: t" R* V% t" |
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& i" g: y! E, l; W" y% R$ [" V
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.' T+ Q/ x8 a) H% t% r; h2 v
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; n. X) ~: d6 k; j2 K
> > maintain their average figure.
% Z& `8 Z6 Y# R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
+ F$ }7 x" J% D, z2 y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* w2 l3 g. I+ A5 v* S' z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 r& H* _) i6 I# S- @> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 S( `4 V, ^4 n8 f4 Z
> > employment experience.) k7 d7 N2 C* n" S; v+ i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ i4 @, h ]+ v, s> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 ` F) p" T, ?; K% l( `: h: ^, E& e
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 V' A5 h6 l4 k, v> > directed elsewhere. |
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