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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
6 d+ A* Y/ p! G# N# N> > Effective January 20072 J% N: C% C+ S5 {* A
> >! E! R3 J i8 m) o* B
> > Dress Code
- T# H1 |! s9 [6 v1 e> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% Q4 m9 p& o6 K# L( N+ N% q9 M
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- I# v; M U9 ^2 P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. h& g- u" }5 J# \* ] B> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& G2 f5 n F( t# m5 A0 \5 ~
> > need a pay raise.
+ a& H0 }; H$ A5 Z2 ~/ O/ @! n> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage* h( {4 D* N) y8 l
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. R, S9 u: L5 [5 h& Y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 w0 X! j: |, Y2 V' v9 b
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: T, b7 q: g, o: ?
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 b _2 y l( c" B
> > raise.6 Z" _3 H. R, P! K
> >
3 C4 N9 u& O7 N1 U> > Sick Days
; V; ^- t1 ^- S3 P# x. P5 e- q- [! n> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' @% ^( t. P# O$ m/ R6 L
> > proof of sickness.1 H' O4 J& T( |7 e
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 C" I6 f1 y. L2 L9 E0 {. T
> > to come to work.0 x6 H3 Q$ L M, U
> >
& y' }( S9 O3 e: I6 b% [> > Holiday Days. A% e D2 x1 j2 o' Q- D
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
$ y9 a3 F* L9 Q2 `6 t$ \) Z> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
- Q; X8 z2 N: r, j* E8 X9 |; L1 J> >) r( S0 T& H! ^& e7 N- f
> > Compassionate Leave
% t W8 t6 ?/ e+ ?% v- x/ j/ \> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: T8 |2 s' m5 f a9 h
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) v' Z6 h7 ]4 x" b( }, l, C
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; V+ J0 {# Y; |$ g0 A' k$ L> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 ^+ F2 f3 w9 v' R> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
: \% r/ ]0 o M7 F* J8 c3 B> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
* s( Q" E* d' W0 T> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! F# t: Q- `" u) X3 a2 @& }> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ P+ I- y+ O) S2 q, H1 ^- o
> > hour early.0 q% l) K; ^9 Q4 G6 [
> >5 F" B# W, i4 Z; c
> > Toilet Use9 U2 V# \3 Q& r6 c
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' G1 Y$ Y/ u7 Z9 U: Q; w> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit4 a6 O! I/ p% U0 d7 r/ Z
> > in the cubicles.
/ T8 K, n; t/ `. |& ]3 [> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will; _4 w/ ]6 k: @" k- T5 l
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! W+ A* c/ l* I1 a; W: H4 R. i
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# e' P2 w) S% L2 H* v& P- r7 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be3 A/ Y. ~8 _4 N% L( A9 A6 @, `
> > posted on the company notice board under the
! S0 i& G) \- R- l# U> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
/ z* d2 X2 W. c; m6 Z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 M( o& _. F2 C& K2 H& ]8 u
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 ~ L; b( s- t! |( M, Q/ R0 g1 K% i: b> > policy.; f1 X* [5 j/ j+ q5 F
> ># X9 |; Z# u+ H2 R/ s9 ^
> > Lunch Break
( G8 N7 H$ x( H2 L" h> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 f/ X! E% {' h: y4 c2 N& c% \> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- @% g: m5 h! F$ t1 w
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to1 u% O2 d, S! D
> > maintain their average figure.3 B N% X$ S( \- Q) g
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; F6 ^$ j9 _$ ^2 A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ v; l4 k* ^& k6 t% K> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are) l8 |3 ?/ z+ \3 G% Q3 Q
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 X# \* p- I; j( F
> > employment experience.2 u* B- |! Q& |* t+ X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( l9 c: R8 b1 c& Z" Q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 L8 a+ J4 j( z8 S$ U6 _/ Q0 b
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be+ M, W: ]2 t9 W7 w
> > directed elsewhere. |
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