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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
. }8 ?* k5 y. A8 z: ?> > Effective January 2007
7 v+ m+ G ~$ x' F3 U7 d> >1 Y9 O4 }: T: D" O
> > Dress Code
! `8 I7 Y* b Q- ?> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 p& c8 q$ Y. _9 ]0 n1 z
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
) n* w. U# z" C> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 n; ^; M% j: m> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
! ^( K4 E; v K5 I3 `> > need a pay raise.# m) w: \- I. `) V& ~
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- [3 A+ X1 r5 q: y1 j7 ^& [3 P
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
( t5 x! k0 Y' w/ `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ h, d2 Y+ h" ?# U
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you# v" Y7 A; w. e* g
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* S- n7 j2 @5 o/ Z9 Y5 I# _6 Z
> > raise.
: |+ l( [! [6 e* j6 P r" g> >
5 V4 Z9 p4 a) W) v> > Sick Days
; }; @: a; o0 M j+ R/ g0 G# v3 [> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as7 s; w0 S, J, p- m
> > proof of sickness.
9 P9 b: b5 w3 g, o> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
" H; i6 ]- J# ]4 {6 y. Q% I8 |> > to come to work.; v, c [3 Y ^6 I) I
> >1 a1 ?% [" ~8 e$ `: R$ H$ Z; a) a: S
> > Holiday Days
_& X7 A# P; ]/ S+ |. q1 `> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 i# a6 ?& a& b6 j0 M" U4 Y
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' g) x( q) S" s p. Q$ N> >
; j0 Q$ O U1 N: y' C( `> > Compassionate Leave' _! r9 }6 z+ n- B
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ _0 G0 ]' ?) B! ~' x; a3 i ]
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) V% u$ M' j+ I; t. I# t
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-5 M: x( W v! V0 f X2 c4 i- n0 Q0 K9 Y
> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 R1 r9 V3 e" v" w9 G" n+ W, {
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# c2 r2 h, r; v2 l& k. |' I2 }
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the1 v1 F/ |$ `7 k- W: U6 ^( D
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
0 m1 n) X& f; ~2 ~1 i2 o7 ]/ C> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* Y* o* s# S3 d2 E- G2 ?
> > hour early.
* V+ w+ X ^0 S! a> >
/ v& z+ S- E9 r. P# s> > Toilet Use! A. q! f: h" c+ r& x1 o5 ?; A8 C
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 \. Q" @+ ?& M3 E> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit, w* w Y& x0 o& B2 m
> > in the cubicles.# @4 v" o# u! g+ _* K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will# R9 V4 f+ r. g) n
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle) | `3 C- K' |
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ ]: d# q+ i* c2 Z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ r e3 U! B! U; P6 b& F
> > posted on the company notice board under the; E! j( n o' s3 [
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 q4 F H/ E K5 ^8 R7 W> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 M8 O$ x5 A& h3 ?8 G* h% `9 N
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- \' H! i, m+ Y2 w4 i; b
> > policy.
# U; P" H- d8 S/ u9 ^+ Q3 l> >
+ }: e) X1 H: T9 o> > Lunch Break
: X+ C( A/ b0 l* b9 o7 W! W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; y6 T9 }0 [/ k, v# D3 v$ Q; R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ E# Z* g6 v2 ?; J
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* N0 a+ R9 u, f' m> > maintain their average figure.
1 p7 }0 I9 o+ j> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 `% F' m$ V2 r8 R- Z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
S, n) Y& y8 Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are @8 P8 j& S+ R% f V' Q* }& z
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* m. p3 ]$ x! G3 ^5 t6 d> > employment experience." N/ X% t& A3 y x* U, L
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,7 U/ b2 B1 R8 ^, @; s* X! J
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,2 g, n! y) N4 m) \8 U
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 E/ J8 Z+ i, I m) j% t$ s7 @
> > directed elsewhere. |
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