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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
$ d( ~/ G9 R& F ?( G! }$ Y! E> > Effective January 2007* Z. @. ~9 I" j
> >2 ]: |: F# O8 i; C$ y2 u
> > Dress Code
1 H h; b3 h+ u$ K, u9 n> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
' \* X0 m5 y2 _- M) n& V> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ g! Q: Y8 k, t8 h> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
1 ^& d5 r5 G; q' }& r) H> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ j ?2 f& h, s9 X
> > need a pay raise./ P7 n$ a. }4 R ]
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
, [( S. Q8 O' P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer; A% q+ A3 \ N R+ F
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 _% z2 V% M4 l! n0 V2 U |% d6 p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 `" r8 \8 c* c8 C
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& N O. |3 f5 y
> > raise.. r2 b7 S# R) i. B
> >: k) k0 K0 C( k# w3 u
> > Sick Days" E! j' |4 s1 k% Q9 B
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! b( m' j% B. G6 S% S5 [% w
> > proof of sickness.
Z0 x$ O1 V' b2 u> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* W" U9 l% Q* @( W9 z1 o
> > to come to work.: V; W/ o+ H5 g$ O& J9 Z! b
> >1 |8 ?# z$ k& E/ _3 o5 M) w& M
> > Holiday Days. j; H% [1 ^* S0 w; P) c6 b
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# D) _, ?/ h5 ?# F! }% [ K, j> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., o: q! P! v3 P* U
> >$ Y! u+ C h- w. d8 l: e
> > Compassionate Leave
, c+ s8 i/ J/ B6 D# ~2 D5 x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) K2 ~* p; L E0 S3 A( D' V# o> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% C6 L% z* Y& d6 g2 B& q- U> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ S' \, G1 \5 n. `+ _8 M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( {& h/ a4 f* R! e3 Q# w> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ R5 D6 ~6 B5 Y5 B5 a7 B/ w" J. d6 z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the" Q0 y) e/ c& d0 V8 n+ O
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" Q+ M' U+ D1 h/ L+ A8 S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 ~8 v. q* a E& D+ ?2 }+ d* R6 y> > hour early.9 e* e' k" k; M& {, B: Z7 a
> >
' b6 P# I9 i T2 w4 y* Z i" O> > Toilet Use
, ?- F5 r) W7 I5 E+ E> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the) W5 q. m4 y0 N
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
1 Z( w( Q7 P. n) V" K' b( I+ Q> > in the cubicles.
" H4 o, ~; w" n> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will8 f+ _# B a* b. o1 S
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 t V% p0 M2 V> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 `% z' v0 ]8 n; b' B/ w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" S1 R; ]3 t1 P( S" L* f5 K
> > posted on the company notice board under the' {: n: _, d2 G ~3 e* |6 X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 K6 Q3 [# l% f8 M: t. B5 P> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ s9 {% P8 X4 ]$ i0 R. q& n& f> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& s5 G0 T4 ]4 h7 G6 {- i6 Y+ i1 N% G
> > policy.
: I1 L$ g" H, e1 o> >! K; O( H3 n4 Y7 j# n% ]. _) I' h2 W
> > Lunch Break$ g/ d3 _% l4 ^! M
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% C/ @" s' O: e2 a6 _% F" p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 H- I/ M( l* Z* b0 k4 ~+ }> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- t& D R, } u* a/ x> > maintain their average figure.7 D1 Q4 {0 d; O7 O5 `/ k E6 n! H( `/ |
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time- b5 c" l+ H" O# ^
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
: y( t8 [& A% M, |> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: l$ t; R/ h4 t6 ?5 ?$ Y> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive, n* `( S l6 _1 x# Y, x. N
> > employment experience.
9 _7 X/ I4 O/ g! A> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( {8 o1 o0 M9 O$ Q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% q3 t3 i* e4 X4 B4 i: n+ i> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 W5 W8 R! ~8 D4 p2 p> > directed elsewhere. |
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