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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
- S. d& f, f* Q/ d. C% R& h, d> > Effective January 2007
; l2 H t4 l3 d! \7 g: y> >
% F1 h& q$ P3 a4 N> > Dress Code" p C- l$ K: p# [
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: c/ I0 |* j6 |: I0 f
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" j/ K" z2 m" X; H
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 K X2 D( c# `* g
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
O) p3 X2 Q+ L- h* K% e> > need a pay raise.2 y( i& {1 o1 I7 p! N( h7 d: N+ {
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# K$ N; A. b4 m8 u( m8 n> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
7 A; E- w: ?% M p& K; r> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- Y! ~ T/ x9 c+ i7 p> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) @& h" s' F$ f) O> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
% K0 t; U# h+ i# E5 N( c" k> > raise.
9 V2 b0 \7 \- P. d$ |. i {> >! Y3 a4 r: V5 S& k: { a6 T3 O4 q8 C
> > Sick Days4 ]" C" `5 t/ v J/ X7 c4 O. i' C
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
4 A# b1 \# A3 P" @4 f( f3 W> > proof of sickness.
+ J! c! T/ R- T3 g& R# `4 ]> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! N4 Q/ l6 c7 @+ p4 q2 `- i
> > to come to work.
( _; v$ K t1 A" u9 `2 ~4 a1 z> >
2 R6 c" z: _9 w. Z> > Holiday Days
& E4 U! h; E0 ~+ F: C k: Z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
! U! z% M3 s: W6 i# E7 D D> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 Y: K5 u( r3 `+ C4 p$ V4 I* e3 d! H: _
> >
" A9 V' u) x- {$ u/ v' f/ }> > Compassionate Leave
9 K: J! X( }& A# a- G* M+ A' m8 w> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- k9 y+ y& [6 }, R> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- f& ^% [* E, d) M# ]> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 E" R" }! d3 T4 R0 c& n> > employees attend to the arrangements.: \$ c1 p/ L; C! w m
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
/ S1 _; b& v) A4 i. j> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ ]: i- d# z. @0 r7 U8 [
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work) i+ S6 R0 O9 @' {3 ^- [! A
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
: c5 W' G* @1 Q6 c" }: e3 M- m. X> > hour early.: F+ T! e0 M& q/ r& l
> >) A' h! I; T9 n
> > Toilet Use) u7 y' ~1 G- w6 F; f) |
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 D0 a6 l$ E9 `/ p, Q* E2 n \. G: t> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( O& C( z2 O% ~( Y4 i: o6 r> > in the cubicles.
1 U9 j7 e9 m$ \8 q9 M> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 r2 G" ~2 C& Q! k) { E9 x3 T> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle' P0 ~1 G2 N$ U4 B6 T& X
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 ]' v" u% Z/ f/ y* }4 Y+ p4 U> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, @9 c. ]* ^# Z- V: K> > posted on the company notice board under the
; }, Z7 X- |" S1 w9 D9 W# A> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 Z% n2 c# I; @; \( x8 J
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- H6 G' N; C$ k% k' v1 P. e
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 S. d/ S2 G+ y! F! v" D> > policy." K7 O# ]# X0 n6 ]% P
> >. ]8 E- l8 j( r
> > Lunch Break
6 ]/ [& r" z. E: ?7 L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& J" N' I* V8 e: J8 q! m> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.3 ?% V0 b W3 o* Z' w6 A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
, j# N6 k6 j) U" `> > maintain their average figure.
* b) ~! D! Z) n k! \$ ?. z" s> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
8 m4 R" O6 v: G2 u4 L6 X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 |7 Q/ e6 Q+ I1 k% K3 r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 J x9 e; d3 u1 M. m' I> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
% b' z1 [; P3 K2 t! \1 |> > employment experience.- u. d$ x& Y. X1 d# c
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ Q6 D1 t& g y; _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" `1 y) V: P7 P3 K* B6 `+ K0 P> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
6 J4 B. x- y5 D% d* `6 j> > directed elsewhere. |
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