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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
" _* P# o4 F. k5 T> > Effective January 2007
& ~7 F; J& s- h4 [0 u* @> >
4 _& z8 T3 h5 {> > Dress Code: k, N3 w- n5 q- i
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& Q# ]# j) |* m* w, B
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, o2 s7 q$ P; l( \9 J& P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. f2 l. V8 R8 r$ Y7 v& J( ]1 O
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ f+ u) s# W; J8 @
> > need a pay raise.$ A# j: j: y( Y
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) y) u7 K' w9 @0 N> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
9 q# M7 _* m) G% s; L7 `> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.: m# h5 ]0 b- \) j
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ o" |7 [, ~+ ^( V2 y' Q% M2 M> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 N B/ I7 j% E7 ?# W" T7 e3 s
> > raise.6 x9 X" v9 c; S
> >* j* ^ E2 T3 U2 l% c
> > Sick Days8 q" y$ p, f1 B5 y. x
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
3 Y$ [# U& Z5 W/ Q> > proof of sickness.% J( M& Z d' f
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# C6 g$ V' [( H( r> > to come to work.9 S9 R. w# i4 n
> >
2 U8 c+ J! n) P( N8 }" x: A> > Holiday Days
+ {* T, y5 u5 o4 O6 Q% Q* U> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 j/ e% N- _/ V7 L) |( J- a& f
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.( E# K$ `( x$ A2 ]* G' d, `8 \
> >
0 R7 L7 d& d3 H( J& R- z0 Z1 s( a> > Compassionate Leave
7 v& s, z; n( X i> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 ~9 y5 u8 i1 V! w
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- l9 @( Q/ b6 \9 ?" W% n
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-, R7 O8 h6 `1 f" q' Q# ~
> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 p* B2 h# P' O5 D9 w. ]
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is5 p" b7 W' i; W$ B
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; {3 ?% |. Y" Y& o
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
+ T0 z8 F- W( J- D> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* @8 z! s0 O" L$ ]1 P/ [) U1 q. l
> > hour early.
" R) \4 Z+ j! L Q' }3 a> >
9 q1 i+ J" {$ [& R& b! @2 I) s> > Toilet Use
/ ?, G* h) ]- ~9 ?6 G5 H* l" i+ n> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
" g0 A& x- _+ [5 }! [7 |> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, [4 I7 w9 s1 }! C( g> > in the cubicles.# _" B4 l! {4 @0 N- q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- h5 G! k/ U, R' p" D9 n, j7 }
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; \( Y y# ^0 X> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. j0 @1 _" d9 S4 }- a
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- Q A: H/ t* B& N> > posted on the company notice board under the
% V9 b* _- T- K3 u# F> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; U! B+ i9 f, Z9 t( [* `$ m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 o" ?1 U/ W# d) |+ k; {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health L, q- ^$ k& p8 \9 v: h* m
> > policy., ^3 Q9 V# ]" j8 C B( Z
> >4 O3 E- S* @1 s. H4 [
> > Lunch Break2 D2 y# \, p8 \( m1 l. ?
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 p* E% Y3 p3 [
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 |! @& q" c9 A' v- q1 F/ a> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& W, u- A" @& y* p# P0 b
> > maintain their average figure.+ j: O% e$ I5 ]
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
- H! v8 j6 Q0 I, ^/ X8 b4 G" i> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ x' _. g7 W+ S7 C2 Z5 A4 A9 b( m4 L
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are7 }0 N2 I. |2 D/ U1 P
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* x/ x) b9 D6 L1 k
> > employment experience.) w6 l: g% X' `' R# K* N( e( J
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ d, ]2 A% }( j3 P7 Z% ]# u
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& c) Z+ Y/ W( L% t$ D
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be' l& @1 v g/ n# f! Z
> > directed elsewhere. |
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