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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
/ \9 h" S0 m# w8 Y6 [- G> > Effective January 2007
: C0 a$ l# T0 ^3 _# K+ G9 @2 w> >/ _ d1 ]/ m* `$ N' F0 L9 x
> > Dress Code
7 u. R+ f! D3 A' J5 r2 i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
# {2 P' B t- k$ e7 i> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
$ j- a; y4 n5 C& {5 w, p/ T8 u> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
: D: f. B% V0 B( x# @( V& }8 [: T8 N. w> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; i6 W4 G3 Z6 Y4 d Y# I$ U> > need a pay raise.# L) J/ ^, S* Z" \! z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ K! |+ F6 z" P/ _
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer/ i- v) _, j9 L! k6 N4 @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 M4 d: B1 @8 l+ \# @2 T
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ o' V5 u- m9 r1 s" ^
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay2 n; F* f: \' y
> > raise.
; u" }% B. H |' M) i2 Z! n( z> >
' c1 |0 @! b, H: ?1 m6 @; h> > Sick Days
. b9 |* b9 i1 D. F( y! U> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 @4 ^. L: g! a3 V3 C y> > proof of sickness.6 ~ W5 {/ h8 @. e
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ O$ `" A, r6 h
> > to come to work.
; E/ E2 _* n# l1 |" s> >
3 z: u, k" N; ?8 t% X8 l* U> > Holiday Days
" N; J8 F1 T+ _> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* f' C* T: F7 X0 @
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; ]1 d2 y; N1 l! B; T+ t+ i$ m
> >
4 x8 J6 x# y" v7 t1 `, w> > Compassionate Leave
4 f' d" w+ g4 x' L% Y3 z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
/ E9 r. H( _9 P, [> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 B7 A( h, F5 T; w5 @
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" M! O/ e' u2 {% ?> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 o1 t( u0 P0 }* l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 L) Q% K; W+ i
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the. A$ v6 `) _6 I& ^" k
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 t- C* d8 H5 z5 f; n: G
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ K7 G) a/ V' `: t. s0 m
> > hour early.
0 I, p0 V c# `! S> >4 C0 J# w! W8 y( Y) S
> > Toilet Use1 d; ~% i; \6 [2 }0 D* ~
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the% L$ v% Y" b& |/ k* b& A/ a c o
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit* s: v9 U0 C1 f1 c \- d) J7 h$ [3 W
> > in the cubicles.
9 m* v, w) r8 s* `& w P8 ]> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 o: V2 Y& y* e {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# \$ _) |4 w: o> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
7 [+ W, \' h' L+ ?> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be; | H* \' M" D0 f+ Q; F2 H3 a
> > posted on the company notice board under the8 q5 _& N# ~1 p& E3 E
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
! v/ g$ ]1 X9 R5 R( _& m> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: ~* g# Z: t( l/ r0 ^> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
c/ A1 P, E: b5 p% g4 ?> > policy.
( W- x8 M3 t3 u& q7 S) l1 ~( }. A> >, Y. e2 X+ j6 F$ ?
> > Lunch Break
: N" |/ j+ p/ t3 l, e3 G) c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
+ a$ e1 ^0 } y+ |' ^> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 K# x- ~2 B, b7 G4 X9 b. w! n9 J> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
5 a# M* ^: G K. ` ]4 R2 S- A% W> > maintain their average figure.
3 I$ T0 h" I7 H9 g$ p' Y7 R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! x* {" J- p6 ? j; ]* U% w
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 X3 J# P1 l* v$ C/ X1 i5 X( Y5 E: C
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
/ ^ p4 b7 S3 [( u> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
' A. d" b6 F* ~+ |/ Y( l, _- p> > employment experience.
1 z# O" y) u& e V6 m> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& ^( ]! e* R4 g6 j2 v }& ^> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
D5 R7 x' s$ a, h Q6 R8 o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 n2 D# K8 Y1 _0 r/ Z( w4 \- w+ ?> > directed elsewhere. |
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