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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
+ o5 ]4 f4 R% K6 ]> > Effective January 2007
8 @$ x5 x y! m8 H: L: x" X5 y/ p> ># h2 o+ ?' _8 ?; y
> > Dress Code' @: ^: G; m( u2 f" Z$ H
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
$ V- c& ]& L2 n, T> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 z5 K) V. A: Y) g6 N, @( \> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
X+ }! h" ^5 J9 _. @0 A> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. f5 _0 F) U7 o
> > need a pay raise.
& [/ P2 B/ _; x" f w> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& g/ v6 k7 R& C> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
0 C3 y$ y2 B) G! R$ a8 w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.' B% t1 a( V3 F+ l1 x
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 Z/ L. f& n! b2 q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 S4 O/ Z" w9 G+ J2 F t> > raise.
- ]5 ~, C- {4 @. N, N2 P( q> >5 e- Y; _5 v: j# J# M8 _
> > Sick Days7 F3 q9 Z' q5 z, ?
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as5 e6 t) m. n0 i! T8 T; {
> > proof of sickness.
) o+ O( [" H e J7 _0 ]/ K> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ X5 {6 _- z. O; E* K x" V> > to come to work.4 P$ O4 O- i+ G0 ]
> >
( g9 ^: _/ M: D& M> > Holiday Days' A; L. A+ q# N" ~# s
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 j5 a6 G/ T! O9 i1 i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
' c6 Z8 K( x$ s/ a8 k> >. ]3 Z6 y! e' O/ p5 C1 n% m4 \
> > Compassionate Leave" K: L3 @, C$ G8 ?- u
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ D6 c+ z+ m& g% Z, {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
* z2 e. S8 H# m! F; A! {2 s% r3 K8 F/ g> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) M) ^. v6 r/ E0 Y- J r5 \1 M0 ?> > employees attend to the arrangements." {- x. [" i( h- x# m* ]1 s7 d0 N
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
- Y' b3 _: N" n: z9 U> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the0 R5 [. \ b! E9 q# t% w
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ G% `8 B* v4 n8 `
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, O7 o, ]4 E( H" @' V' u> > hour early.( f/ A7 r k# ?3 { H5 E
> >. `7 @1 E( a% u6 [
> > Toilet Use
. p+ B: y8 g5 `; T9 m> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; \1 t- z% t" m5 c0 G6 f
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit' F9 b2 ?5 y I3 ~1 v
> > in the cubicles.! x' k5 u+ Q$ |, R# X
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
' W2 @0 L& Z. _% b i$ R> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle1 U9 ^2 K4 C4 M" I+ j, {+ z
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ Z& g' `, o$ M> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
! ]4 N3 n8 Q7 a; r$ w> > posted on the company notice board under the: q9 { C/ J: e f4 L" _) }
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ R: W2 G# j% P& a
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
, O: n- F4 M6 o1 f; L9 M> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- U' h3 c# h) {5 Z8 M# ~
> > policy.; g8 Z& Q8 }, `! h- b. _& O
> >
) F: v5 ^! d5 v> > Lunch Break; N/ d! e7 l+ C- g, e' S% M) }
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. L2 G& Y' F: P> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." N" ]% G, ~4 B7 c* H
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
* y C5 ` t. V* w: a+ C> > maintain their average figure.
; `% J% R$ p0 I) w a! w, K> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 _$ d5 ?. u, s( i+ `3 Z9 ^* k> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.* F- n$ `9 ~; P$ {& ^
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are5 Y3 @# _) ]. |2 B
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive( I5 K8 a7 a& J" E, A. S
> > employment experience.
& o* L" q; |# M, H9 t9 b1 l* u> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
) M( q/ X( L8 J8 t6 b+ C6 A7 W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% c) q' h+ N `
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 c$ z, S$ s' x% {' H3 M> > directed elsewhere. |
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