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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:# }3 R) t. j* n+ Z
> > Effective January 2007
5 e* Z' z L( W& \( T> >
7 L7 _; R( w3 z( M0 A> > Dress Code/ C4 G5 R' w Z, B H5 D
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ Q4 c; ~* J' i9 b5 y- F y% A
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! H$ l ]/ G; a3 l4 ^
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' `: S( ^( R- y4 E4 L3 y
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# R: T8 e6 G6 z2 k! K% Y1 A
> > need a pay raise.
- y) h* E% j8 E% @1 U* i4 ^> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* Y8 d! B; A% v1 I: a% F> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer6 C5 d/ X/ L# J% E- f
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 @: G4 \" |5 |> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
/ y$ U9 Q% v ]' M7 o2 a/ Y! a1 ]> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay6 v( t- @, ^. l; R
> > raise.
3 L& k+ \- t8 U4 @: h( {8 N> >) y. U3 x2 M, a5 X9 z
> > Sick Days# Q! E( K8 l- k* P
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ T$ }& x* K" N* P0 {; m$ O0 n
> > proof of sickness.
3 o' o& s8 j8 h P* k. I# [> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
/ X+ B6 ?+ ~/ Y) V1 F& F> > to come to work.
5 M, b) }3 X3 w5 ?> >5 U" Z8 O1 |2 B2 m: k' L
> > Holiday Days
) [" c1 E8 ]* X- y ` |: b> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) d3 d/ V! S+ K/ x2 Y: l- W
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 Q0 v0 O. S( B0 V, q+ V; Q
> >. i; D& v. v: I( S
> > Compassionate Leave
2 a# ]) I9 Q. F K% }: x> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
2 C/ b5 i) w7 V> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
- r8 P p+ I2 ^/ k' K+ u$ D, [> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
g0 J# G. x) r; d> > employees attend to the arrangements.
! X% a& S) n' F# x5 F, F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
2 Q. I6 }- R- ?- p> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the8 q' H: V# ~( H/ T+ F# o
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; ^3 E( P7 ^. W) M7 U" k/ u( v3 x. e
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
; ]7 T2 n6 K; @$ |6 d: M$ ^( q> > hour early.
0 d( S; ~6 ?7 o! H# G> >
6 q) T1 E7 T0 O) k3 G+ p4 W> > Toilet Use
) Z; e4 c* Q6 O> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
+ `2 E; Z, @3 Y4 r8 M2 _> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 f/ T" ~' P. P+ |6 b) f; c$ p9 Z8 p( E
> > in the cubicles.
& m5 O$ i4 l5 N0 T5 e> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
9 t; O! k5 I& c+ X+ k2 F% s> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
, @, D+ W' y8 ~+ }+ t: f> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# ^* I8 B7 S' {8 v# S
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
6 O9 r/ p% V* F. a$ K8 U8 P> > posted on the company notice board under the4 n) w6 {2 }* @" l3 \$ G
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( A+ H9 c" @. F' U/ M! K> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
2 {5 F5 ^3 Y! v+ x+ T4 R> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. a9 i2 i4 ]. H" z9 h1 _> > policy.
# W/ N+ |( L1 q. J! F; @> >8 Y: n- K+ _8 r! F! N
> > Lunch Break7 {$ t! P9 [% f
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they$ ^* j$ i% v) K
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy./ n, |7 b( T ?5 L' S6 w
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
+ l) ?2 a$ H* _4 U> > maintain their average figure.
2 m# @7 |6 b/ Q* l6 U9 k1 B> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% p. ] O: @) |8 g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 c* T. G& z# l: J
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are [- k+ n/ c. y$ ~0 G/ M
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* X; y0 o7 o& d; c> > employment experience.
" H( f! V/ M0 _3 H> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& w& o( E1 k* M
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
9 A- J( T7 m& \0 k( c3 g> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 F$ q | \7 a0 J2 w> > directed elsewhere. |
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