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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:* s$ s; {3 L4 X! ^+ e- }
> > Effective January 2007
t# a3 b, x/ G' }> >
$ k- {) W( [. e' ^% E# N> > Dress Code9 W. P0 s ]9 U
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% u/ f; Y$ c9 [/ U! q# a: D6 D- N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" j/ {: B9 n7 p( Z; ?
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 y$ f- `, H$ c( ?1 y3 W0 m" w: O> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
. w' E! S$ O4 ~/ Q> > need a pay raise.
, [5 P& E, w4 J6 g; t3 K> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. k3 v! h7 b/ u7 H9 I
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* F6 y& E7 D. ?+ i7 E5 w# `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.# ` e4 s! \4 {9 G. w a! q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: X4 M$ P5 t: x/ N% B h
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: |! M3 ], ~6 u6 z1 N> > raise.
6 |) E: ~/ |& ?2 N! x/ z> >
* ] f( \0 {+ ]4 z+ H- o) [0 w> > Sick Days
. @( Z' l! z Z3 F> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
; ^" b8 I+ l* @0 l5 J B+ x> > proof of sickness.. H" N9 ?5 q5 b$ ^& l& P6 r2 g& r
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 p6 o8 B1 t: `0 g3 D4 Q( z9 l) R2 I; z> > to come to work.
# x5 V( A/ i# m7 n/ H8 ~3 z> >
& d* Q( [, P+ @> > Holiday Days
3 Q! N" n" U$ S- D: O1 }1 `( f> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
8 k* `' d. z! v ~8 b6 r> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
f1 y1 g/ a0 \. @2 b1 _: T1 O6 P> >7 T; f3 I) l M" W7 R
> > Compassionate Leave; o" A+ A2 o3 E$ }) `
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing* p0 S: c; ^3 V4 \5 H& j
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. u- ^- j: D9 `0 h6 O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* ]% [* h9 R! Q# m> > employees attend to the arrangements.
) v% ^% Y6 A1 V) C8 t& t& e" |> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 o: C3 S8 A3 C> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: { T# b' Y2 R8 C! |
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! z+ [2 N" |+ f2 D> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 E, L+ _/ I+ i; O7 G* c
> > hour early., f0 ]' b# g$ ?
> > o7 D4 j+ @3 l( F& a% Q
> > Toilet Use
8 @. S2 \( k. q* }' S& J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; \3 P! p' B# v: L( V, K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' S/ Y2 r9 m J0 ^& F4 F> > in the cubicles.
4 H% T' H# J4 O# u9 J+ A6 i> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. P3 M/ y6 Q! a8 r$ Q; `> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle+ K T. Q. K+ ?! c
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: K, ~% b6 m$ w8 Q2 w* r0 ?
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" ^9 y; M( Y V A* e" W; v
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 F" J7 x! W. Z0 h; s' n
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- O) `$ L2 U R: c: m> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- f ?) l5 f. Z6 q> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
# [# m/ l5 E6 |+ i> > policy./ m |/ S8 o0 d$ t/ ^
> >
r# J, g. r0 m3 p+ r* k0 `' L> > Lunch Break, e% T/ n f i
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
1 q) g. }8 u. l! W, X6 t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 E: X8 o$ E( Q( J% A( b> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& x) B4 L! g2 G% J" T3 W
> > maintain their average figure.8 q; d( w+ A! i7 o C5 |
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% d3 e5 @; w5 |& w/ R4 J B> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ o! K0 u% A J5 N- f, u8 {
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 ?! g. w% t7 X* C
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive8 N `! h8 P; B1 E% M) E2 B- a7 p
> > employment experience.
$ Q8 O/ Z4 N/ {9 J> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,' I' p9 W6 ]% p* n, {
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) _3 J7 I9 V8 }' K
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 u! |+ Q% v. X5 u, ^' c9 Y. K> > directed elsewhere. |
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