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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:0 x. [. w1 Q# ?% {
> > Effective January 2007
6 `: d: B& W' r a! ^, Y> >
6 l$ N7 _6 R8 r. w- U) v8 u> > Dress Code
0 _& m4 z5 ]7 m4 h1 U> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# h( i' W8 a# z# p: ~2 M0 }
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing1 n5 k- A0 R. S9 l# u- l3 [' R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 }0 e- W: ]& o7 e; i1 ?8 {/ h' a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 c! ^" c% W9 G W8 m# b> > need a pay raise.% I) {6 j; g8 A, D/ ]1 K; b% Q
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 J% l" ~7 j N+ O# T* E! N
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, L' `- m6 a9 ~2 o) H9 T
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
" Q0 U" t: Z4 x> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% n% G0 f% f. I& w/ D
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" I" T" _5 X) n' d> > raise.
+ E" t8 p2 c7 C> >& j0 N; u+ ?+ \# [+ c8 w
> > Sick Days+ P4 T( p( A1 k7 @6 j; X) D5 K
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( _. t9 B) M' `- N- b x9 ^> > proof of sickness.
$ f4 A; Y$ j2 H# M* P> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able$ G' _" ?" C! j4 a: M
> > to come to work.7 S. G! ], k3 j, |0 L* {% k
> >, r q" Z: x% w
> > Holiday Days
5 s( F: F8 F- ^+ A" _> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
9 `* q2 R5 _ @7 O* h> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) l* j+ M& C5 `7 L; F( e# [6 N$ t
> >" d. t- ]* d6 f e# e5 v3 y! j
> > Compassionate Leave
3 e7 o# H) l% v' f- e> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* n; X' t# N# d% h! X> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
! p" O1 b! i& M/ p) D/ a; z( H> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 }3 c/ v+ `/ ^/ i> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 t- ]& P3 z1 f) N, ]3 f, q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 O8 H, H& T( A8 Q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the) C9 @" Z+ p% p
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; t6 I& o2 P9 x( b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# q+ ?! T& m {, R( V D! Q> > hour early.
/ p8 `. V7 L+ K9 V$ d- C> >7 P5 X! o- o; Z& t) o
> > Toilet Use
6 d4 F: `+ ?0 T; S1 J> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 b3 K7 i1 n& k7 z$ t$ F% O
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
+ d$ ~* N0 B/ X8 P0 ^+ x* o> > in the cubicles.
5 C7 j1 b& K0 T3 a. l> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( d; @& ^$ @2 q4 \& ^2 K. A. o> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! P }, A& b' A: k1 n> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: N" X. z; j3 c' a; ?: b
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 }& v& R! S1 w1 I> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 w7 ?% v9 }% J8 O* r J> > "Chronic Offenders" category.; h* F9 c0 |0 D7 z9 v; G8 P5 q, W
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 ~# t2 @. B3 p7 j5 _7 Q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ Y" c' ]( K! N- k# z> > policy.5 c% c) Y. X0 X8 ~; X
> >
! N1 Z5 y1 K3 F: G, u: S> > Lunch Break
$ F; }2 R0 ]0 J3 g2 t6 Z( [> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! i+ a' F$ @' S7 F> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( v5 K( O. r p& {/ {- p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" Y3 }% }+ Z+ c$ x# o# e/ Y" T' z> > maintain their average figure.
! @3 I, \% e R0 K$ D> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
4 u8 a* s& m4 s/ k- D3 T3 i( l& H> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.# w6 t: n# { I2 L0 h: {7 W( d! E7 r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
! N% Q+ m" u1 p" v5 I/ V3 h0 D> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- L" ^5 |5 S; ]4 g- A! f6 C9 i0 P- r1 S
> > employment experience.
' L! c4 G) V5 F% n7 J7 q, s# M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& M6 M+ L! V% G# V# N
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 K- i( x. F/ P8 n6 C& o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: l& }' d& u9 |% f. X# a' n0 X- P> > directed elsewhere. |
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