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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
2 z, p# E* z6 Y) Q( H2 P) J> > Effective January 2007
* Z2 e0 F5 U8 I2 Y( U" g# e# C> >8 J# ]/ j( L; ?
> > Dress Code5 i( J; c8 @4 m' v/ {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed) R! t+ ?; f# U- H" i* O8 I
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing' b |. B8 s4 J0 N' S( r
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
* n7 I" ^9 S: T> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ e$ a" u+ R$ k
> > need a pay raise.
$ Q9 J3 F4 o% o$ a> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ U5 i0 O3 G& K) I$ m7 L4 ^
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 J& n* O$ F/ k C N. i, d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.4 H9 m! ?/ D% q
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ A" R) _- z1 j9 g, t% \, a
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: \4 m9 ] n/ r( v# q
> > raise.
) H' J% E3 A9 p5 g> >1 g9 c9 R. r+ l5 q
> > Sick Days; {, w* P( ?8 v& D
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) o4 O/ H& F6 ?8 S( N' i b> > proof of sickness.
; u) Y. W( h& l1 r> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
w' V6 k* I$ H5 V/ Z> > to come to work.
8 B7 ?1 e( N& r( W> >
1 J' D5 t! R+ r& ^: Z7 X, d> > Holiday Days
+ Z8 `; z2 ~4 S# n8 P8 B# Q) d> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 X! Z6 }* [9 C5 e( D( k' H# J
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" q$ T# i6 H/ ]: M' Y3 G> >
$ m4 L; ?% [4 I3 @) a> > Compassionate Leave
' [ z; |# ^0 q6 c; ?> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# z* g O/ |2 V) b& z
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
; t9 i/ b: I8 Y* q$ j> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
) @. o: s! r1 E2 X! j> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( x+ u2 D U0 K x& m* p% |) C0 a> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! `0 m2 G# E$ U> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# u* e# Z/ T& j> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; |" Z4 b( D7 d, ~/ ^> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. }# N" Z- v8 ` S9 v> > hour early., O* [8 |0 Q4 w
> >
( q( V+ e# z" W7 g- D> > Toilet Use7 T% G0 a0 H; P# _3 w4 H9 M1 }
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the9 {# y. \( Q2 e/ A- E+ a
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 B) O2 Y* W+ [! Y, e
> > in the cubicles.3 t' H% r) G8 N/ t1 a' ^6 i) N) q' n
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% ` v4 N6 k- A
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
! S+ ]1 p+ V5 W2 O4 q" a" F! I4 U> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 d0 Z6 f# X1 T0 O4 ]" O, r( B> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 f5 I% U" R% _0 d' u
> > posted on the company notice board under the, z; C2 L2 `9 E9 E/ D' C; o- G
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- |& D5 L* U5 q- u/ ]5 D* }' u4 ~. F
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
# q; n" P1 C! j) g( z4 X2 J/ ^> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 I: k# K7 k% p7 W" K G: J
> > policy.* F- ?9 ?7 y0 g
> >
' X" t6 E4 x3 G/ ^! A7 I; X> > Lunch Break
L3 L6 n0 v' A- N& I) C% `> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. }+ d2 u& S& J2 c) Q+ r> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.. t* o/ t1 l) j: Q9 r2 |$ F/ q* X
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to( }4 ], ]2 }- J) E9 ^( j
> > maintain their average figure.( f' D$ } H. s2 F6 H0 F0 ]8 ~' o
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( r. e h1 O u& F h( G/ _) {
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ c8 k( \: a/ l* [9 ?
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are. g+ _2 D* b: s( M; t
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
, @4 i) M! a" Y% I" C7 e> > employment experience.$ J+ f/ B4 I+ L( ?% s
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# A2 Q3 m$ C+ k6 X
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 ]: M1 Y" p) V2 a. k' z2 Y0 `" @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: ^: u+ o5 Z0 V. G9 N) h/ ?& d; s> > directed elsewhere. |
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