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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:0 G0 p1 W: F1 O8 u J& \/ S8 ]5 [- H
> > Effective January 2007
9 e% B# |2 J- Q( c% G4 t> >) |. H7 C5 z, j
> > Dress Code) b1 `) ^0 A( ^8 T, @
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 P7 d; d) ~1 C! P: M: e
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- J1 N; G/ G- ~$ S `> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% q) }# K& w5 S7 ~, h. r> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not+ t' A7 q8 i v) e0 [
> > need a pay raise.* B4 r+ T4 b8 R" l
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' z% ~5 A) ~4 u4 o! ]> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 V9 H$ l) y1 O2 L" z> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 O H6 E5 x4 f( V' S6 s
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
" M& G9 p4 p! S. C1 t> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
2 d; s" y" q8 w6 {: y> > raise.: x7 ~0 C6 p s6 P
> >* X5 V2 @: h3 k6 b: C8 @
> > Sick Days
' b% k) E% x* n U6 o8 ^> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as r: C7 S3 j. ?1 v
> > proof of sickness.* u2 Y- [) I, P
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
( x4 b& c! ?0 B0 P3 U# W> > to come to work.
- `. ], {7 M. \$ s' q> >7 P6 M i& s$ a! w1 W9 i
> > Holiday Days: }/ d1 x9 ~( X2 P) K0 C
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a- ~$ ?+ ]6 i9 C1 ]8 F
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 @ L) B: [( Z6 B& k! R. @' X
> >; x- A( G; e+ H8 C( v4 \9 c) y* O
> > Compassionate Leave1 J$ ~, f* K8 O t- H" p7 o0 K
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing: d- X6 |( E' p. l7 l8 w$ r5 i6 k# [
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 C( M+ i6 }8 R+ k! D5 y> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 x$ u5 b- U* b$ e/ }( T
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
: m- ^, o, l. E2 t7 [8 ]> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( Y Y% q5 f. D> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 G, W. S2 Z) ]. d* |# N# ~8 x$ Z2 S> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' U8 w3 D0 m3 n- r> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; ~7 W4 r0 q0 L$ L1 B
> > hour early.7 f: o, ~" T9 |
> >
% x2 I6 D' W4 f% C1 n6 o2 T> > Toilet Use
3 v- z8 I) F% L# S# p> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
) D- t$ \: Q6 Q' L4 B0 I3 `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 I& M1 k$ ]& E; R3 `
> > in the cubicles.8 X) I, t. ]6 s! A7 \3 [( q- l6 f
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% g9 I, b% X- E) ~& r
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) P- K& |$ r6 c, r> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.) ?$ ~9 a9 ~5 S( t9 d
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: W+ t. i( Y' [
> > posted on the company notice board under the$ g( l8 G% V; ?3 A7 R' c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 I& M& @3 Y! ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
! k& a% x! a6 Z5 E6 b2 V) x5 G+ \> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, W5 V3 O0 w0 G# d2 ?
> > policy.( }' P/ Q% q# t$ p: m) l6 n( |0 n% H
> >
" W$ j- y, c4 B8 N! _; v& z! H> > Lunch Break* R: i' s) c: X$ G. |/ I
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# A* l% s7 q9 f' J4 }9 |& u
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.* | d$ O6 r/ N( }
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
& W2 B+ I( g* Z, z# \; O; \> > maintain their average figure.
+ M7 Z6 b( s- i5 V9 r# e) G! I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 @% `5 S. E8 x" J Y' ~
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 g& x. N$ C9 o( D) Y
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* \' |* m# }" n, u1 t
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 _& T* n, Y) e; H. K; l> > employment experience.0 f4 E% W: `4 B# @/ h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,) |9 T+ G5 i- T+ K- `. L7 G
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 T4 ?6 j7 O% ^5 p, t/ ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 K6 d2 l; ]( \% w6 Z/ ]' L3 F> > directed elsewhere. |
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