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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
( v0 g% _/ U; D x. _> > Effective January 2007
- Y! M6 N6 Q l6 V; b4 ^( `3 I> >
. E- ]4 \& @5 t3 ~& i+ X. f> > Dress Code
. |( s9 r8 ?4 L) f1 Y" n> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
; I4 o4 K5 X0 a> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
8 U( o% H* ?4 E/ d> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" X3 Y4 L$ _2 T* e; }9 Y
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not3 B+ d& F2 X1 B
> > need a pay raise.
" ~ X1 Z6 a7 H' m6 \> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ L# b' L% H6 r% \: |> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ V( v( j) Y, u1 y! ^ \
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
& z2 R/ X: g- ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 ?" d7 m; x) {
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) v7 }! m Q1 F; c& k: a. |& d
> > raise.
# _. r$ a+ P# N: v: h> >
7 ~; j- @ ^# {$ V2 K2 V> > Sick Days2 Y- w' b0 I! @* N
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# C# Z. x$ W* A' i* b0 K. S$ h; C
> > proof of sickness. f# v) T; y" g" v! S/ h/ E
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! e# i6 N4 I' m) P' ^
> > to come to work.
& T% Z& l3 p' T> >
T$ W d" T4 C8 W7 s/ j> > Holiday Days; m" t m; |/ t
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% Q- f1 Y& P# I& j2 l: b+ O> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
; q3 l$ B4 G8 ~) U" s! u> >
_& A6 i5 k) ~4 z: ~> > Compassionate Leave7 x- K/ {% N0 _) p! b! w9 r
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) q0 M( `! t6 }
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
1 g9 O3 B* ]# b! v/ j> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" s! o( Y5 g: V. q' L' ^2 [> > employees attend to the arrangements.9 A, a/ Y; N6 b1 r* ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
# T5 n$ V% H7 K2 D* U> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the, E/ R: B( X; e3 u3 V- i
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
$ y$ j9 q1 C' i> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one% S) h! [; [) ]
> > hour early.
4 ~& o& S5 s% ]" \> >% g1 m- j j% @* r: T0 S5 S+ Y
> > Toilet Use8 f3 K7 u5 }3 U3 @# ^5 R" q8 E
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the' A. ~4 ~+ \% I D! }
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' G* h; [9 O! S" l> > in the cubicles.9 L$ B6 _& w; r/ u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
/ P$ ~( Y1 a) d: C> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% P" ~" g0 @3 D- T# _> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
0 }. _1 O2 G5 q2 }) P7 r( A* x> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) G j; {2 \, W( [$ p
> > posted on the company notice board under the# s" r" G0 v r! n! x+ d# E0 Z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: }8 g* S4 l3 q. {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 p: F6 c+ G1 d5 X" V> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ S, \& e+ |5 @6 a9 a" [> > policy.3 c3 w1 e0 }: }2 ]
> >
& n* x0 y3 n# s0 N4 v> > Lunch Break4 G W) Y. p5 t5 S Y2 o+ G
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they* R+ z. r& u; A5 J5 U5 N" y7 Y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 e3 U6 n' k( B> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; H; M' t" I5 G. e7 ~+ d9 h
> > maintain their average figure.
1 |. u% w* K- [! J> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
: J) }6 ]5 ~' e& S$ _6 P" b! Q> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. e% s* a. P1 l0 u( v! k
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 v. y- L8 r. V7 ` E- x> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 q9 x" N6 W% o> > employment experience.
5 n7 P. z! h3 X6 }9 L9 Q: c. D7 K> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
3 Q7 h% D8 ^' L5 c! H4 ~& h> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
* Y0 W+ a0 w! w+ B" j> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! ~3 x9 U7 }, X> > directed elsewhere. |
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