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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
' [; }. L; H7 v. h& x> > Effective January 2007
1 T4 f; b2 I7 M# i5 w$ l0 i7 k1 V> >, x) a7 W8 Z% X @" x: P3 S2 A' y
> > Dress Code
3 z1 c1 j2 R7 `( W$ c# R4 m/ K0 m> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 f4 S( N; L" g
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: x( q R3 ]. y! F) m/ L# U> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* T; Q7 Q2 p# g2 r
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not7 C- c. H$ d) F2 O& q" r3 ^
> > need a pay raise.! I M+ A8 \+ i' d5 F
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 m; U K0 K- [/ P/ i
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
2 r+ H- q7 A6 H" m/ L9 x2 j> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
- s) u; z- A9 M0 g4 F0 V9 Q/ H> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; `6 h$ z) I9 h> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
0 M. @/ p' [9 f' B8 u* n6 K> > raise.$ W. o) S @! I; ]; f- u
> >
6 v8 g( D: f0 A1 `- X& H# Q> > Sick Days
, o! [! f, }( j. ]' P, s" j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as ^' l- N3 d# d5 O
> > proof of sickness.+ j* c" J& O6 T
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: q$ B1 L( |4 @7 k- t0 ?* N
> > to come to work.0 n3 q! g r, Z6 A4 A7 ~: i
> >9 E) H8 v5 U: D5 V6 v2 B
> > Holiday Days. z! s$ N' h4 i; R+ g+ T( k, G
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ W3 s9 h* {) L" s! G5 E
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 ~4 H0 F# r& ?8 p> >
- a% W. w+ H" E> > Compassionate Leave
! i0 v! f6 s1 Y5 y0 g- Q, X* z> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
( T2 C6 [( `! Y% \# m9 U, ^> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-% E' Y1 K4 y5 ~. p" _+ p* Q+ `
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 _; e! f! `3 k
> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ W7 f: ] O# g) e6 ~
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( x: Z' t7 [- g, R, r# G) B. x> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 z) u2 L' G! Y' y7 D8 I- \+ d> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
7 ~! N0 \9 W' g: b> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
0 r% N! B) `9 X' h> > hour early.6 h7 I* Q- P f
> >
- e0 g1 Y& @9 t2 x/ \' \' a> > Toilet Use. ?' G* c! X; t( f
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' |- c6 F& Q2 j6 O> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
} X1 w. y* E$ C8 h6 v6 V7 @) v> > in the cubicles.# @- ^. \/ A6 x$ W, j% D
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 t$ I( }2 [- y8 v! J% }) C1 ~
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% M, D- d2 e, n' C: z- e> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 t9 _: |2 y( _% N
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 ]" }; ^8 Y* E0 U> > posted on the company notice board under the* K" C' @- m6 V& ^9 H2 b) a
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ J9 |3 ^- i" X7 [9 x; Z% g% L. v9 d> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 H8 d! _5 k. W7 y> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 G; h2 z$ G9 B8 b; I" ~5 e> > policy.
+ Y8 i$ F# i/ I9 B> >8 L+ F9 e( [; Y! Z; x
> > Lunch Break
" Q( N1 I" x3 c3 Y2 P. @# l5 S> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
* [# l9 c& U) G$ T' E> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 ]- N5 x8 m! r' I& N7 k> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ ]7 ^# B3 ^) W) `! P% y4 H> > maintain their average figure.* {0 x" H. v3 Q l
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 m- [7 K9 U: T1 a/ E5 n M2 _> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. _* _" g1 }; ~- p" @- q: ?
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! X' Y0 f0 g; C4 ~3 H) w. ?2 G
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive; e2 r4 \# r& r
> > employment experience.
6 ]0 c e% ?. F1 ?( r% ~% F> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# X( y& p: @5 k% p, E; s
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, r! ^0 ~7 G& N- {. ]; M$ z
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
6 Z* ?1 R; F' r2 w> > directed elsewhere. |
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