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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees: G- i7 Y4 ^2 _! |
> > Effective January 2007
V: r" M, } I+ E. Q' j> >
" O7 {- F' A4 S. J> > Dress Code
2 C4 A% W3 Z1 p( W: a$ I> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
h V3 q' Q# |2 l> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( m" c; T# c/ g, j5 P# N! G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume; Q) ^) i# A4 c
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 B- r- U2 l) Z, q! R> > need a pay raise.7 E1 q9 ]& }& m* z( f2 u
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ v$ x+ t4 @5 |
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 Q* G) |) q0 I* v0 ?, ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
0 |$ q7 A: q9 H: A> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you) P* f9 C* r6 u( t% `+ r$ G
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: B6 X' ?! k) s5 I# X> > raise.$ n- t$ M* C9 u9 u
> >
+ {! ]/ T) Q; D _> > Sick Days+ {. j$ }8 Z+ k: D) i
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
* _. E( }$ \, f> > proof of sickness.( e/ g( u4 g, {) U& q, n5 t
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' j7 X8 M7 Z8 p% c
> > to come to work.
8 k# ^* B9 g4 l5 l2 i" v> >6 H: l5 o4 B x: {$ H
> > Holiday Days
8 q( A% W5 }( w [2 u> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- Z& Q2 {. z2 T- z> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.) g" @6 ~) A/ e- O4 f! d- U; F9 s) T
> >
5 z2 z% v! J8 ]# J# @> > Compassionate Leave
( `8 V+ m/ E3 s> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 D4 s: L, _% z. R9 p
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 P' G! z! X4 p
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# d$ O- D0 L( r# R- C3 D
> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 Q i3 p) v1 N' O* S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 ]- z7 q& P* \* n- V> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the* u* r! m3 R. i, p
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 H( Z' r' S$ B$ N5 ~$ {2 E
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' V1 ^, w; p# m7 H& m> > hour early., W% r8 R L) O& O2 [. L' n+ F
> >
( {4 w5 f5 Y7 S+ c> > Toilet Use
0 K7 _. C$ f: a2 d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
i k5 |5 p/ s r8 V; |> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, G2 y9 U$ z! d* n" ^; M$ \2 J> > in the cubicles.
% W* B- Y. b* A7 C; L9 v& V> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. Z6 D. {5 q* K6 z8 r1 R4 j& |6 Q> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle- K X. |9 D; P- k: Z. Z. a7 J+ q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ z. w. b% D0 [; L# u& e
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
/ h/ w. m1 \3 m9 z3 t3 h) U3 ~> > posted on the company notice board under the3 ]" L5 n3 d3 v! X
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( s4 t1 P* v& N* @> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 Y) y, [6 s& E' ^. c: I
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. E) O4 V( A i% A
> > policy.& G$ K* _) I6 F) ]2 U! n) A# ?! E
> >+ W. y- }% J* Z+ K' m9 I
> > Lunch Break8 K$ Q b) F+ e% W
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 @* d; h) Z ?7 R F0 u1 N& I! d
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 B) @& k' N' t' W& K> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
/ h) h$ e* Q! ?5 }6 [7 P> > maintain their average figure.
/ o K' K7 D# f> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( F3 F0 U( g8 ]8 w. }/ A) ^! t> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.8 c2 B5 W1 @. i/ f
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
4 b8 f5 I2 Y$ t9 z8 c' o) s> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive7 N: g/ H6 b2 {6 V+ M
> > employment experience.5 r i4 h0 c) Y8 ]! h3 {; E: r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
& `. M! r: m2 ?. s6 \> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
# g6 h! {: x. B6 N& Q2 o> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 V9 T8 C0 k% G! g9 R
> > directed elsewhere. |
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