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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
; D! j7 \& k- Q0 W6 W$ W1 |- Z/ j> > Effective January 20073 F! b0 X, f$ l" P, K7 K
> >. s. B* R- `; R3 Y
> > Dress Code; k4 M+ I# S% c& A
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed7 t- w2 H$ J! ?! X
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
+ I7 Z0 S9 o) }> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
% K+ z z+ O6 E8 ^> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not8 r$ P6 e! B' ]' ~
> > need a pay raise.
I# R0 A) \! |+ T> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# a4 I$ b- j/ G$ I! F& v> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
* @' f- I5 }7 x> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. I3 X6 C. d/ t* Z2 J) L
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you6 v$ X; K/ m7 b" c7 L _# g( ^& l5 |
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay0 k! `. g% a% c. y* x
> > raise.+ Z2 b1 x: W1 \
> >
2 b, p4 h! F/ {6 v2 A& w> > Sick Days: v" m$ j5 U) t7 |$ Q( [) K
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: \$ e+ p7 L1 Q+ W2 P: G9 ~> > proof of sickness.1 D/ e6 Y+ V6 `) Y
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able' l z' J' t8 f& J: s5 C: u) S
> > to come to work.) j# u. A. ?( y" q
> >
, e ] j3 h3 ^+ T- F> > Holiday Days9 J# t2 c3 r8 u! Q5 h% a' G Z5 @
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 G% J, N; V/ w. J- r% H+ o/ i
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. |6 }7 \! C0 H+ N8 |& B
> >( V2 A; @' Z/ t% w( k
> > Compassionate Leave
* W) h F. u1 i> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 ]7 _& d6 L+ E2 f7 `> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- y( V8 u. b3 N% h
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
& o* \) |9 C. @5 u> > employees attend to the arrangements.
E1 w% P& e! }2 j+ k1 v5 {> > In rare cases where employee involvement is- |. u2 V% ]# X6 I
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the L R2 D+ ^6 e. t" j& U* m0 g
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
. o" w3 Q/ a" I+ L# R& n> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; W# k2 \0 P8 T& r* S1 [ @2 m) b
> > hour early.
. \) i5 X T# Q3 `" n* U> >5 R4 B9 ^5 i3 L" V4 D1 o9 r# {7 ^2 z
> > Toilet Use) R8 V) R0 @' f0 B+ ~1 Z* q- i
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ `. ~, f1 m. K$ c9 l: o
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 \) L% ?4 V6 t, N8 c) m6 k, j, \7 G1 ^
> > in the cubicles.# L# {" H- O/ R9 T3 y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will/ U7 Y0 ]* k( }1 K$ M
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 O8 }6 \0 H( G. w
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 M! G+ b/ _8 l
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 d" v# G: ?( x; f> > posted on the company notice board under the E8 Z P [7 S2 V) I
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; W& W7 n$ J& f> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
) _7 T; [7 x @> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" M7 L- Z) B( V+ h# \6 F/ c> > policy.
* X) s/ C% P. C4 x, t: @) w/ ?6 A' g: f> >
! [4 N' H* l* G0 J> > Lunch Break
8 Y* d* C w8 X8 H2 V> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ Z% T+ {& A9 F
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: C) d, M+ F! R# X* Z> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to. t) w/ ~7 `6 C2 k
> > maintain their average figure.9 M0 j2 U- m# V( V
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 n) V) t/ O6 [. a% d- E
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
' `# L' Z, _* t- R, k$ E0 W' _ ]5 d: k> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# {2 C. {6 F; v$ M% F$ E- \
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 K# ]9 D( O8 T/ l q/ r
> > employment experience." T; t4 {1 W3 V" q: Z% G
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 }$ F& P. I( y+ N> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 f4 }. e* U1 k% O2 M- _
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be! f B) m: a; l2 B2 i& M( C
> > directed elsewhere. |
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