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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:9 [$ j" ]1 B4 N2 `: i3 ^
> > Effective January 2007
% X, b" Z* J( l J" p> >
K. M! |; o" z+ o$ T ]> > Dress Code
9 W/ E( u T5 c7 e+ \ E9 q3 \$ }> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
5 ^$ J9 `8 i2 E> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
9 J, X. `1 i$ h1 c) S> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 c0 @+ s" \+ q/ q4 v
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not& }. T# w: Z9 C- f2 U2 S
> > need a pay raise.# U4 H1 @5 r4 {4 t2 \6 r+ z/ f
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage2 s8 W; Y- {% s( o2 i0 w
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
) u/ f, Q: L$ z* N7 y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
* R y8 c, I8 [* ^8 y) m/ n3 B# n2 u> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
) U# V. K$ v! N5 A> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& o4 Q# q1 g3 Q0 p6 {5 @6 V1 h1 D
> > raise.
) O% [$ G, D+ s o+ p> >
8 ~) C$ o5 z2 y+ e> > Sick Days* |* V' J; \3 v2 e
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as4 D. a* Q2 H/ O2 Z* d
> > proof of sickness.6 P' ~3 I( t7 D0 q6 z4 ^1 e# m
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: G, b$ m8 {3 s
> > to come to work." H3 e/ h4 j+ f8 R! W& v" P( {
> >3 x" L: C `8 h$ j& {( ^
> > Holiday Days
% v2 u( h0 i2 n9 ^/ J> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 } n( ]2 k7 w4 v" d( L, R> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.# Y1 B# B G# \. M- I
> >
- Z% m# s6 a: W+ ?6 ]3 F# a4 Y> > Compassionate Leave
i$ q* n) j. N0 w> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- p+ S: k' r4 z* Q% r0 l- R> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
! m( X$ ]3 ?6 a5 O& y. j> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 B3 F: @& G- {4 r9 K> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' D: v r* x9 x; D( O! }, L> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 D- a2 d$ ]; u& t' b
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
- y/ _6 h O0 }! Y; b0 B0 ^> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' } `) p$ \0 H( E- ?8 k6 \> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' @/ d w: \* i2 h2 ?
> > hour early.+ A3 S( H5 g! K$ y$ J9 a7 U# U6 O( u
> >
) a# G' `: \, H> > Toilet Use
6 E* V" L% `0 k; d- j; d> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the8 t. [& e/ @5 m; C0 _
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: \3 f$ i3 r8 A2 W
> > in the cubicles.+ g' [ j9 g% L' O z# p' P, l
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
m% ]* o" Q& G) x# Y' j0 ?9 \> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- p- x7 h# w, ?/ t w/ N> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.' @ |# i4 \% W# L) }+ N6 \1 I
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be4 L8 J, ?5 e: _0 ]" X1 ?
> > posted on the company notice board under the
! S# L( Z$ ]+ }3 l; w. ]5 m> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
: z+ F: z+ }* @9 k/ Z7 w6 O> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
* ?" \3 p8 G3 I, b+ _) t/ R> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
! P6 f5 n" z e g d! V> > policy.
( A- k* X! {& F1 b9 v8 s> >
- i1 N! \# a( o- H. o> > Lunch Break
0 `! j7 Y! y0 e! r- S; m# |> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 }3 K- j9 [# t: k
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: S- d. W3 ?8 }2 t2 r> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 {: r. g6 R* |( B
> > maintain their average figure.
5 h. j- w1 I4 [. T; b6 ?0 K> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" w9 Z5 U* R, b2 E) u, }+ ~> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 O5 n( N8 S# e _! q7 s
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
* k4 m- ?& X" z- o, J3 G> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 n# T* m& Z+ T- w
> > employment experience.
! m) `/ w; F6 f c+ ~> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# h8 t, l4 c) z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' V4 ^, Y; n0 A
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
" K4 u* s# ]+ m; ~: k Y* A> > directed elsewhere. |
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