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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
" X% g& Z7 s# M" ^5 B) x+ ~> > Effective January 2007
5 _) _) a9 {, c: u! f2 {% v1 X& q> >& h6 W! P5 Q8 K' ^: |; v/ n; q; K3 J
> > Dress Code! p) w$ e' i& f% x0 G2 X! }" u
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" c q0 M' R! A1 ]8 V% b> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing/ n) _( ?) F0 y7 C" o0 C+ q9 |/ Y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 R3 L5 a( g P/ u# b> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not* T) V8 q' m7 x; E* c, ?) }# @
> > need a pay raise.
" z. i7 J- Z3 W' K3 z7 x8 X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
2 v/ n) u$ T# U+ L! _# O> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" x* c/ E6 c% M/ Q% ~0 F7 I% q) O> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) J7 R3 X6 c+ Q5 V" }1 _4 i> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ J: g# I% e" j1 j
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! Q- A* X$ x8 |1 F$ E! S$ I
> > raise.: \$ C {1 e' I* N6 @8 b! m) a
> >/ }) E' K% ~9 g* P4 Y- E3 v9 c& ]
> > Sick Days8 f' P+ L& Y" a9 Z: Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as1 k0 a* e, L$ o2 q1 @& j8 J0 a$ M
> > proof of sickness.
* `' x- Q5 Z4 t; K* N) H& Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 ?4 a5 o& _( [% P+ k( i) a> > to come to work.2 P6 k+ g! r E$ d s! Q
> >
, A) u1 K) Q, ~* @& z( a$ t> > Holiday Days# T) F$ C1 x0 `8 Z% n
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; m0 p. v6 j: U2 _4 K> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
: k% \% o, n6 E& {' o" S> >7 r8 @1 k! b3 O
> > Compassionate Leave
K$ b& K b, K/ ^% G* O> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" Y( V# @+ i9 X3 d2 I* N> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 l( ~& u( y0 W" K* f# C! e3 b- P: Z> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 W1 \4 y9 ~% v, q4 K8 y& t> > employees attend to the arrangements.& V0 m5 g8 y9 l
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" @& V: J6 A0 W$ q> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the: o0 D: e$ Q0 T" ?7 x- z0 x
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) t9 c) H- y& Q9 P% H3 ^> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
2 ~6 B3 h$ h, p. a. N> > hour early.
# F9 H, _" K* x! \# y5 \4 k; _> >
: }& F1 @2 D3 `% I& y3 A. d> > Toilet Use
/ S. S3 Q5 ]' q; P7 R5 `> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the; {; }/ Q% Y5 d
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 v! a+ ]( J6 p; |8 a j+ l> > in the cubicles.
- e+ [2 _% f) d5 S8 l" ~9 {> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 D! `" r: I- h5 w; p$ `% ~9 D a
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle7 P# A6 x4 K+ A# u5 L5 z2 d& r+ b
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 O X9 E2 K1 M) F7 @' X> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
* l0 {6 W* E) O* U, g3 w G8 _' v- J> > posted on the company notice board under the' Q+ e0 q7 V& ^" \
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
; p; u0 q5 D3 n- C( ^5 k6 ^; E6 l1 R3 o: V> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. L" U2 V, k9 @% c6 T$ c
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health' [; z1 U3 m$ c5 H' }! V
> > policy.
2 ~: ^7 z3 b& e> >( V1 q5 C, [! B% w. H: O
> > Lunch Break
( \# V7 v# T/ l( @4 `- O> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 }: d' y" v2 d: u
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." ^- E3 ^+ [0 P" n) ?
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; u W. |; J' w' V: t" M. ?
> > maintain their average figure./ W' q2 U2 O$ U" a0 |4 B8 ^8 K
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
3 T, U# w' r7 a" Z& A> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; r: _ d3 m3 r3 H
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
5 q# t9 }0 k6 D6 l: x Y: t& R> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 H4 c+ Z9 b/ t% r2 {% Q" J
> > employment experience.
( `3 R w' O" @9 s4 @# w> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, Y1 X6 s& Q. ]; z* T& p> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
! L+ u1 B( K4 G0 l& ~# R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 A. E8 Y, {- A, `, x> > directed elsewhere. |
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