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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
4 O; `" d& g' h0 ~- P3 M) y> > Effective January 2007
+ O0 B: t6 Y2 k; ]. B> >
* m' p! ^$ P! d> > Dress Code
( R6 \ a( Q3 o> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed M+ R" ] w8 L3 y: r3 d
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
6 L! ~$ s5 u2 A8 o: ?. k; E5 f> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
) }) V/ i+ ~, R> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
& }# N6 f$ c1 \3 r! c$ D- n' Q# N> > need a pay raise.
6 B7 i) @! e% z9 M& @/ J' A, H) [* O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
" g7 |% w* i% a6 I% Y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) u$ \# T% A7 a
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.2 W- H3 Z- G: S
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; p8 F- K. z! R' b
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
, e& Q g$ o0 q( Z> > raise.
1 h& W0 q8 L+ V& I! n X v> >
+ i9 z: [+ [( ]9 V> > Sick Days9 c) r, @( b8 _) f- P; w" Y8 w$ x4 l
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 ~$ w7 S& R8 m$ H8 C, }
> > proof of sickness.
$ k8 ?: [( ~, T+ X> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ Z% T" ?, m+ x6 Y! Y' @* |( l3 b> > to come to work.
" v) w9 G: T; c> >
; w% n4 @7 i" n0 W8 \% U S> > Holiday Days
, a) h* F: E* v% D+ K6 K$ {> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; V }) M& m/ q/ e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., m! N9 p, M6 Z
> >. |; M7 I5 V/ \* h, x% A
> > Compassionate Leave
0 `) f1 Q/ D. N, x H0 l> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
5 A0 A. y Q7 S5 ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" M# J3 _$ Y0 }. l& a
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. r- C: n6 f! j. g" m> > employees attend to the arrangements.' d9 ~& k) a0 S
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 P' O1 p5 |, e5 |7 J
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) f w- n+ \* r# [/ [* ^8 o> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
1 D% m, @- O+ x) G' a# w. v `9 z> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
) y- R5 g3 \+ S- a# [/ f. U> > hour early.
9 I& D) \0 ?& c& |9 J- h> >
- U8 t# U" j8 V# }> > Toilet Use$ h$ m' ]! U1 E0 Z9 t+ B" g5 j4 r
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" N s1 D/ j3 z% j: I2 ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit; C9 L+ P5 N; s2 W) A5 e* E
> > in the cubicles.* u3 p$ ~0 S, ^1 l% p" S1 i" g% N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 l& C9 I7 l" y, E0 U4 z( S6 Q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
9 C* E9 H0 J5 F# T> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.1 U3 J( L9 ^ G5 ]' q
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( L+ d! P% u- I* P$ D> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ A% @; |! ^: v" T) j) f> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- X6 {; u: B k/ e; ?7 Z7 S" Q1 Y
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 V+ i' u" j; K& U. y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 h p# b, o. o' b4 u8 b> > policy." ^4 h* Q { c3 K; f4 u3 f& p
> >1 c# T! d) l k J
> > Lunch Break
: y5 X! H, Z4 w: F" N> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 I [4 v- g# ?
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
/ V+ w5 o# _) r- d> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
3 Y: L9 A4 b) x3 U/ [; N> > maintain their average figure.4 ~# B3 i4 l/ b0 t( c2 P* f+ B
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' x ^& a, F+ @" l1 y% Y/ E> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.' f4 k0 P" o, n" ~5 a" X* W ~6 J6 P
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: [7 x6 O8 n' l: o% o
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
8 N+ A( Y2 c. ^8 P) E4 B: |> > employment experience.( C; P1 t# G# B- T4 c5 X2 V u, E3 [
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 f5 m9 A+ A% O, j+ `
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! @7 }- U1 s8 e; T
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 r. K& ?) O. z$ @) o7 A5 s& v x
> > directed elsewhere. |
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