HR MEMO

To all Employees:
> >                   Effective January 20073 |3 l3 K( B& I; i; B
> >
> > Dress Code
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing/ u3 x, d1 z- y- O
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  `  A& B! S) w: T1 G
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
> > need a pay raise.- g, U; M8 s: u% t& D0 s8 T. z* x8 C( p
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' y7 k! ^& w! P# S$ C$ n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% G4 _# ~4 `3 y' J( ?% L* m
> > raise.( l% T& M" P! K+ e) e! S" ]
> >5 k- v; a* n% w" f. \& i8 {
> > Sick Days
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as, u. Q  W2 X0 D8 ^+ S4 Q; |
> > proof of sickness.
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
> > to come to work.' X8 }$ k- O" C) x% _* r/ b
> >
> > Holiday Days
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a2 F5 Z& {0 ?  j# H+ [) ^; y  b- F
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.8 ]  x7 K* Z( G/ b
> >
> > Compassionate Leave
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! F1 V5 b  I& X3 x9 \
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! [5 P8 Z9 Z8 N7 {# j
> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 N; d# h( L* f# O1 v! t3 b% R
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ h6 h$ x, y+ X$ o1 w
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ a9 @; s. n9 @7 K  X& D  C; i
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one, d( j5 s4 F) a: ]
> > hour early.
> >) d! I7 ^9 Q$ G( ~& b! |/ K
> > Toilet Use
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
> > in the cubicles.4 {2 R3 p' G& L1 E0 C7 L  P2 \
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.- C) K# h2 a# U7 @( O
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be+ R# I& M- {! f1 U& s& i
> > posted on the company notice board under the
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. M3 P* S; e9 {% p( r9 N
> > policy.& ?' ~9 l; Q3 i% h/ f3 s" O# u2 `" S
> >
> > Lunch Break$ Z* Z" I0 S" z) z% i, U5 p3 J5 t: K
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' W% W8 [4 J2 F; K
> > maintain their average figure.
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- X# S8 V# T! `; f+ R
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
> > employment experience./ ^! b; o' ~, v% m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,8 h6 A' F. M" K  v: X
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
> > directed elsewhere.

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