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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
' t5 D0 ], H {, V+ Q> > Effective January 2007$ ]( v5 v. k0 @ \* T- M
> >" e( b7 P+ F; r* E
> > Dress Code
5 m# A+ ~3 |# l# ~. @. Y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- L$ V% w- w5 Y4 f4 k
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing" }' ]6 \. G; D8 R4 c" b& D
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 g' D/ u* i4 }' h2 Z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not. s& S6 x `. b8 E
> > need a pay raise. i9 C; V+ i* G" F0 U( S. j1 C& z! I1 z- [
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 [9 B' u6 ]2 M a1 n# w> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" n, c# V, l+ p3 t7 G* [7 Z
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 ?0 W: j9 x& M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
: ^( D2 B/ q4 X q3 E& ^0 Y> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay; D3 f: q/ [! R+ |: L* \+ C6 l p
> > raise.; b2 R: Y/ `! `- B
> >
& v, x, g! \2 j( N* n: t> > Sick Days
9 L' @* S9 d' ?0 [, b0 {> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" m2 F! d' v( Z7 |7 z
> > proof of sickness.
3 o' r7 W( c6 ], @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" E. Q' S0 V9 n/ @1 I% P5 _
> > to come to work.0 r# l: ]# Y# C- S8 e& l7 }
> >4 E4 u4 B3 F, y% B, L; j7 F
> > Holiday Days" H4 R5 ?# W( |, b: M. f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a/ ]; y* E8 n: Y) c. {( f# a' }
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. ?8 r5 |& w! D
> >
7 E, L! r& F% C% t, S> > Compassionate Leave4 a% w' S0 j. o8 y% g$ d6 A9 q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) C3 ?# Z. h* M: h
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( p% }% B w t3 G> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
2 ^& G) O( x- B+ j8 l. ~> > employees attend to the arrangements.
e& i( w N b% R. |' w> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. t4 y3 q1 F B% ?# k> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
# g: A0 C! ]9 r& i, h: ]9 L> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work1 [3 ?; K# T/ W9 ?$ u
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& I1 ~3 K( w \. T- V7 l4 C- ~
> > hour early.
+ q* y9 P8 i9 `3 y> ># L" m% z3 i; z) O. r4 c
> > Toilet Use& X6 d" [6 N: r+ T, I
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 m* v* y- t" V' n; d0 Q: a+ ^> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) N; a5 t1 z) T% i Y6 e> > in the cubicles.
/ u5 A1 D& H- k0 ]0 l6 f& t> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. ^9 L" S- u2 L' {# Y/ h# }> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% Q, @9 h# o2 b+ E: Q& c* x% P> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: U- c/ e @% z! `> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 Z3 q. E! T) J6 u+ ]
> > posted on the company notice board under the4 V7 a3 q+ i( t' x7 h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 B, }% s: k5 j9 m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be) c4 }$ f" r/ c$ |" h
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
) }& ?6 m0 y1 V$ i> > policy.
5 E$ |0 |0 p+ t/ F6 a" m9 n> >9 F: k! V7 ^" Q
> > Lunch Break* h7 |, ^* ~) V" f* U
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 h: K! o) K7 u/ s" P. B* y( `* y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( g9 t4 P. q) r/ \+ n
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
9 [5 X# p- a, r& P4 F> > maintain their average figure.
0 f% @ W9 {! Y: k$ h4 h4 }& S> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time+ r5 S1 w9 e# S% W. F4 }2 e
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
. I- x8 K; p6 ~- Y5 P7 ^/ J: x> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 K5 c" o( r' _ v1 ]
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& H. P9 w7 X+ D( X8 T! N> > employment experience.
3 b, g: s) F9 z: G" O6 d4 S _> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* k1 D# U# a, F6 F9 N> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
- W) [! F4 U' \* s> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
& t4 j, ?# Q2 I, a" G3 |> > directed elsewhere. |
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