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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
- l" n7 ^8 ?! x* M> > Effective January 20074 E/ G9 q; D% R/ T* W& c
> >
5 ?- H2 h+ L* ~4 `& T1 S> > Dress Code
; `1 I4 m5 J0 D5 O$ c3 H> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed& K" P# ?# p% U8 G3 `$ f0 ]
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. T( W% Y4 c; { w4 m
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, ]1 |6 X' f& d- v/ ?# E8 U7 x> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! L7 G U) q' e1 ~2 k
> > need a pay raise.- F9 t) i' v* r. x. W4 w
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( g4 F1 T) f0 t+ G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
5 P N- _! X! F( B6 o( b( D1 c> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
/ d1 I' W1 O6 _> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you; d0 W V' s' S9 T
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay& t: f b/ V3 g2 V r4 S" j; O
> > raise.( [& d, h; Q; C: a/ u8 M$ I- U
> >
7 P& A/ G* `9 T> > Sick Days
$ z8 H6 D% ^& _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: }, G" ?* m: C8 j
> > proof of sickness.
+ v. L" d9 `! L0 p& J9 c: v6 x> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 c: \8 D v! b8 i) \> > to come to work.& p/ k$ ?9 D6 Z. X- ~9 T
> >: q c& Y5 K+ [& ]
> > Holiday Days, e+ O3 V- s9 d+ I# m' A2 z& m2 j
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( m7 f5 |* y) u: Y2 h. `
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
+ E$ P& |: Z2 ?5 ]> > {% F3 u- G. ~' ]; M
> > Compassionate Leave
2 d1 p+ C; @% `) t$ A2 M> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 Y" K. A& S/ n# S0 x6 {0 W> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. U+ |* V' @6 u6 e9 X6 N- b
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-* T& a& ~/ Z/ C' z1 Q
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
, E' u6 x' `% ~* p9 l6 r0 F> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" c4 E- e" h0 A9 x8 @/ W> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
! I1 Y/ Q; _: u! U> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
2 _/ T( |% }8 l$ R5 o> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one. b. x( c! C5 Q1 R3 g; a1 k) i/ [
> > hour early.0 F) A4 \9 R6 a
> ># S0 y. I. D* w! E: l( W
> > Toilet Use: J2 \7 e; i6 D$ V7 P2 G5 |
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the! c$ [; h' S1 ]! U# m7 W* G
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 w4 O# b( F3 S
> > in the cubicles.! C4 _6 @! I8 r" I( ~" M _
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will8 [; q: L5 x6 T; N- N( c9 M" l
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 t# n! X% ~0 \ G
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
/ \2 d B6 A( |, A# N3 _! j> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* c" @* j! {/ J' S4 u
> > posted on the company notice board under the1 x. L( u! x7 M3 G2 Y' Z9 }' k
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 d; e6 M3 J+ u" x
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
4 v$ u% P% @% u, B% i0 L6 \> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; O( ]# p( y u3 { e5 G0 \3 Q) q> > policy.
, Z( B8 @0 Z3 S' z) y1 O> >0 a- ]) y' d! p+ [' r, p
> > Lunch Break
3 Q, _5 b, z6 a6 c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 z2 P4 p. T! I3 ?# s2 G7 _> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.6 j i- e$ V" X/ N8 Y
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% Y( }9 j5 A+ \> > maintain their average figure.
, A" m1 o$ z( I. B2 b> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 Z6 F d9 u( s- L2 H. y
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 [: G7 u2 B) ]' d: F4 M
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: O; a6 E! {. s! H0 n5 I3 Q> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
. h, X6 I; Z# d5 q3 C& q> > employment experience.
# E- Z `. g; d2 V( [* _ D> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,9 _( |6 Y9 K( D/ ?/ W
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
4 U2 K* y, a4 k2 ]$ A" z> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# a3 ^8 l3 N, B6 a" B
> > directed elsewhere. |
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