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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
# o7 z) S- C2 O0 e; p5 c+ w> > Effective January 20071 s0 J: B* \ w
> >
# g! w" S/ |% _4 k> > Dress Code
3 n: v4 }# |" W- p. u; @: L> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
6 x& V- w- q" x> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 S" K X( [% @3 C$ f9 y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- G5 U: ~6 W" Z, W! R; r8 Y/ ?> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
0 O. I1 _2 y5 r5 ^$ Z3 |9 H5 K2 G8 t> > need a pay raise.: p* Y- ~% Q- y% m' d7 c
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage7 q0 {; K6 B5 ?7 X) {: V
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 d/ o8 N% X$ \3 D! `2 d7 C5 S> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 v2 R- e% X2 B3 o- {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 t5 p" J9 }" O+ V3 g> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
7 c& r2 ~* ]5 _> > raise.
& C3 |2 T& w0 Q> >1 r3 x# F$ s W# `. E& \
> > Sick Days) ~9 l7 y& s ?# I" V* r
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# ^4 T/ K9 z. c( [7 }# `, Y> > proof of sickness.
/ }6 A4 i0 ]5 ~( Y' b# I7 k> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# `, y. s" L) H) H) x
> > to come to work.
; v- b, J' L5 F i, B5 ]> >
- u6 m$ g i* G( d @. h> > Holiday Days) E8 I& q( ~" P6 R8 v6 C. R* G L! C
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
- t3 X/ O# M ~# u' _4 i' K' T> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" L* d/ J4 ^9 p1 R; Y2 W: ~> >7 w! x/ N! Y0 _5 m" v9 ~& E( o
> > Compassionate Leave
% _& x; E2 Q+ p8 T Y1 F5 B/ h> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
0 O- q2 o) l7 G! U> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 V2 ~! W9 B6 i1 W: i( L
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-2 l; z; G& Q2 H, V9 V- U
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
$ q% x9 ]* c! R3 B* d> > In rare cases where employee involvement is% a0 }( p' V! q: o& U- H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ K' G/ _5 ~" f) n3 v+ x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
/ ` O( _5 Z- V% J, l> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one% Y5 A- C$ k1 _( S7 v" E# e
> > hour early.
2 {% T/ A" ^) X2 F ^: [) ]. t" i- k> >, Q( ]; V; l5 s+ G6 R- S
> > Toilet Use
( L; Y% Y n+ o5 ~6 P> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
: @8 U7 E, n% r# |$ `> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 Y2 d; _: Q/ v% h9 z6 C; o
> > in the cubicles.
4 @$ M0 P- Z1 ~9 S' J. ~" @# A> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
4 g9 L0 ?! N% _! |. h6 |1 D> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle8 Z; F: ?& H9 q) m% l4 u9 `* v
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 Q) i: F' l+ f: x2 C$ s7 l> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be* P$ P3 q% y# e5 m" l( A, _
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ x2 m, s; Z- p1 |6 \+ n6 C
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
! ~; v" c6 Z) i+ M> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: {# u- |- n$ b1 L> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
% N8 |5 o5 r0 o- ]) ~5 r> > policy.9 i3 I2 X& `5 t) ` w
> >4 T5 Q) Y2 ?9 d/ m8 N$ |
> > Lunch Break
) l! @0 k' K8 g8 T4 ^, B2 ]> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
/ s$ _$ G% G! W0 d9 f> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 p9 a3 K5 s$ v+ L7 `- O> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* G; v2 o/ X% Y2 e! x
> > maintain their average figure.$ d. D5 x( a2 N5 q0 w' k7 ?" L
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
, d7 B0 c3 d% t: G+ N k [0 c> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 O- K' {: c' Q& B> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 D$ b! l2 h- o. E; { ?1 h
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive- A- Y) u! t3 E- r) h: X
> > employment experience.
# y0 Q: U: B+ {; Z. b9 s4 e> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: b0 d& r, m/ {: z/ \' z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
9 l2 v( \: J2 Q. g" @0 R> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be4 ~' \% @" r2 z* _0 {! z
> > directed elsewhere. |
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