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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
, h3 J6 }( q* O> > Effective January 2007$ a( E: L+ k0 v4 [
> >( z! m- l) d; V9 T) O% U: B8 _
> > Dress Code$ H) z$ o+ r- K1 b" k. d' W
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: [) [, Y/ \% q. p/ H) t1 z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
5 i# g( q& v# B> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
3 ^- U- h% l5 I9 p> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 A6 o0 |! i4 B0 G5 w! \> > need a pay raise.
+ C: q/ E7 N+ o1 {$ w& E> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
' y; T+ p6 O9 T& t" D# Z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
$ {9 y3 H. S* R, i+ q* Y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( w$ f- o. W U6 h> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you8 A" j8 R7 R& o/ S, G4 X* R0 H
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay* A% e2 q2 W ]
> > raise.
7 \: ^. U6 k& @> >
6 F( k# b3 c6 k! h- ?$ D! J" U> > Sick Days
8 q, \9 n) t5 R> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
+ e) K9 y5 C, Y3 M* f$ i> > proof of sickness.
- h% z. x" Z$ L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able- Q# o9 U1 W2 C5 R$ }4 H0 D3 `
> > to come to work.
( V9 q/ j% u( Z S' ^# M) _9 O9 a> >$ V1 K4 A' v6 j1 Z# R: W
> > Holiday Days4 S0 R0 \+ Z' H
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a* {9 y. o/ c: ~# Y" }, X K9 Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
1 d2 e( h0 w6 ]> >8 Q( h! S' E. o* G6 f0 z
> > Compassionate Leave3 q: t8 A3 o4 Q3 f
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 z" K$ n/ N2 q H' C> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-& r/ ^$ B7 e0 R! P4 K7 C
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-1 ~3 `+ u& I) G, R. B' i
> > employees attend to the arrangements.5 G3 }: [: T- S1 \
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) L3 I: ^5 G* _% }
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the `/ V" R- J6 U+ ~* Y7 c3 E
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
+ c9 z. e) P1 q4 s! J Y6 \& H> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
C. \5 F0 Q1 F8 X5 p4 t0 S* P> > hour early.) e5 j( e+ M! k" j7 P8 C
> >
* E7 `9 [! @3 f% j4 X6 N> > Toilet Use
* n( ^! J- `: h- a> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 l% T, A# q m+ \
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit1 |2 G: i) |. Q H$ r
> > in the cubicles.
( n5 S" a5 a9 O4 Z! _& b: b> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 T5 ~. t2 R: A% ], f2 T M" D, w
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle1 e D# g! H0 A2 P
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.9 M& v( L# Z4 ~# ]8 r# p9 Q! ]
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
# X; T5 g/ v9 I/ o9 B> > posted on the company notice board under the
% ]5 o* N: Y2 U7 w2 w5 o9 N# t> > "Chronic Offenders" category.$ N# B6 }) |; {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: E9 r+ W# i* |, W% D: n+ E0 y- G> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
" J H; b, d+ d X2 ]> > policy.3 X& \* i8 Z9 G6 N
> >
' X T6 ^7 q# I" G8 w> > Lunch Break
L m" o" f7 a1 |) X7 e+ ?/ S# v> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ t3 R" }8 s4 l! [3 q. R/ Y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy., a( v- P# ?/ n' C1 S
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' c8 g/ j+ S, x( y3 J8 D1 Q( G
> > maintain their average figure.+ m" i7 X7 Z5 b4 K
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time" C# H7 C9 ?; j& y/ B6 @
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
7 b1 {: K' u, p* `4 s m8 s> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( P8 T8 ?- j2 m/ D> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive! u: t' I* |0 x$ Y" N; H' |# d
> > employment experience.
* h! }* k5 c' [3 Y> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 e T3 V, T5 L& ^/ W
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,) O0 z7 \9 f' L$ B% f
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
/ }) |9 k" A, q' n F> > directed elsewhere. |
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