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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
4 W, y% u% x6 f9 b, N6 ^> > Effective January 2007
/ a5 m. h: h& Y$ _' N> >7 O" T' p3 B) @
> > Dress Code; c! y7 ?9 n, [. y4 X6 ^4 m! Z5 X
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
* \# J4 W. L4 K+ x( c! X> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ B/ H! I% t3 f0 H0 e> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 y) f+ M) f, ^* b9 y& l, b* b# k. Z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 \1 X/ c" e2 H3 z' F. U; Z> > need a pay raise.
8 W5 r. P0 j4 g) c( ~# @. _> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
* W2 ]" x# _1 ]/ A: _> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer2 e: f9 }+ ?. y# p, q" [3 d8 n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
, q: a6 L% X8 s; Q7 M, Y" {> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you' n. u- z8 g# j# m4 D
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay/ f% `4 j9 Y' r# U/ U3 x* I
> > raise.( k$ S6 ?- _- B' e9 J2 L+ u9 ~
> >
, g j% l* _! d! Z> > Sick Days8 v8 f6 t3 o7 c) \
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( L4 o- i. K/ r2 |" P1 ?. s
> > proof of sickness.
8 D: F: Q6 Z/ t- a7 a0 F* x8 r> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
* t O" X( T! T5 Q> > to come to work.6 o. v6 ~* o/ y) Y0 W2 O
> >
1 g, n/ |9 J! W3 j% ~+ Q D> > Holiday Days1 m& u6 r. p) P, u; l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a# x% Q* g; o, M' G4 W# U# o( z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.% ^7 c/ v7 f8 v: L% a, W, c
> >
4 Z2 p7 z" X# h% Y" O> > Compassionate Leave7 ~3 C D7 ~& ^: S" a
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 A2 H( `3 z- a5 j, U9 j> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
: p7 ?2 Z4 N8 s" i> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
/ z& z) d J5 s( \2 q g0 ~7 z> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ `+ J* B: l3 D' Z1 V> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 i: X7 g. |/ |$ R% ]3 ~
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% B. u: y- l; w. |+ ]1 R! E% j0 Q: W ]% U
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 L9 D5 Y4 Z& R% ~
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( D# M# u$ h4 N# a( y+ }2 ^# l> > hour early.
6 N0 F" s# Q5 `" V* P> >9 M8 S& u3 x. u2 d2 s8 _$ s
> > Toilet Use# S }" m7 P0 U4 _4 p
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
9 B* L& h m* W- [2 _. s> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. P) q8 f3 z- U' a* v3 R
> > in the cubicles.
, E, b6 |) }& t* ]+ L3 f' b$ L# S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
; y' _3 z2 C, A9 i' S( U# v6 }5 U* m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
( y- O* p* \! T$ D> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: W. K# m' M F$ W' t) g' O
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% U4 z/ w4 r. t0 Y3 l7 T4 @
> > posted on the company notice board under the6 f8 u( _0 ^" Y; {) t! W) u
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. |8 h+ H# h4 [6 i0 P7 h7 V$ e> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! s7 L& K, M1 k @# Y
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 h6 `; y2 e. V- b. P7 ^6 f0 S7 u> > policy.
, k4 d8 P4 p$ g5 C. Y+ y> >) K0 Q' I& p7 |9 U8 y
> > Lunch Break
# h; ?: ^5 D: Y) r7 C9 b+ k' \> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 Y) A4 M( K8 P. N$ ? M6 O |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 ^$ N! B4 s) r# Y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 d( d0 P$ z6 v5 ~1 v' [2 ]9 x0 |" v> > maintain their average figure.8 D5 t8 l7 R0 [( _8 \7 @
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; a9 G0 M+ r. z- l1 ]- Y> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; ]3 ~1 k4 R0 } d$ M6 p9 k> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are8 ^1 K& O8 K, { `! K2 i
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive1 f" k) U- \+ r x. k$ I
> > employment experience.# e$ E( S& Y$ l. ]4 R. m
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,/ g% d+ K9 [/ B/ c
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
" N! u/ ]& s& L> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 p/ B; @* R9 n2 _. o; j* f5 B
> > directed elsewhere. |
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