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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
5 d% c' S* P. @3 m> > Effective January 2007
6 ]1 h3 F: [( C* m> >
V! u5 s7 z7 i# ^> > Dress Code, f S( {1 j/ \6 Y U8 V- v
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed# {+ X6 o4 Q3 v/ T
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing9 n" O. O0 T' n
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 M4 e7 L6 T3 B0 ^% O, H* R
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) |5 `8 d; n1 ?$ T$ Z> > need a pay raise.
: {2 c- O9 b: _! Q% X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
) e+ V- E2 F1 [5 h; C1 x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer) e) D5 S2 M* t, l; M1 R3 e; G
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.( Y& \7 u' C3 z* G' I5 m+ U4 ~
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
& H% A$ `* c \> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; R/ H L: Z6 h5 p$ Z> > raise.& h3 }& _& S" ]! a
> >! N- y9 y8 a+ i; d0 G# [" e
> > Sick Days Z7 b- x# V" V/ c! O5 D
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" S0 c6 i- M! l: B7 i! f: j
> > proof of sickness.+ w5 x0 @7 H. Z. p5 j1 x' {; L: V
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able5 e7 Z; `4 j' q6 e/ G4 }* A
> > to come to work.
3 Z& u! h( u; p> >
( J# O0 {; B6 I! \' s+ G> > Holiday Days! A0 t0 ^" j- l" B* h6 x
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a; x, m% {1 k" ]
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
W6 X6 l5 m9 @' s0 T> >
2 G$ H2 H6 I4 F7 Z g* y> > Compassionate Leave: f& b+ v" x- G" _+ c/ @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. X Y. M# l0 e' l1 V, V" R1 P> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
% n" t% l% `- M/ N2 t0 i> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
7 W, s7 h) f6 r, @4 [5 \> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 g; {, {+ k7 X" @: Z9 G
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
8 v1 A- d& }' {/ p> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
6 Z8 s# i- o4 A; W$ R- e> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
) B1 ] `5 h1 Y/ u" D# c1 a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 I, h# n0 M A3 X> > hour early.* w! S$ I j: T$ {9 J1 q
> >4 p) A5 s& [) H, N, @' }
> > Toilet Use
" u: H5 K0 Y# M5 Z> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ V" W, C# S$ p' X' {0 I
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( A9 d2 Z" |1 r; e% S> > in the cubicles.- N6 e2 } j+ M. \% b; Q
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! E; H. S6 \) V# F. b. |> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) O7 e( z5 J* H- A> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 G* B$ F: T0 V* a! Q2 Q& o
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 u9 [9 Y- y0 |4 `& I" x4 p. r> > posted on the company notice board under the& g2 E4 x. W( H B5 _3 q
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
% r# ^, t& k7 }5 j u. l% _" q> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
]2 W% O" i: Z8 [> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& d: `- @ w7 ~( O8 G> > policy.
* \% K6 O7 w* V1 n! s. c: u> >
1 d+ N1 L1 i I5 A" p( R> > Lunch Break3 R- A; d2 q- _; w* z) a
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
8 Y) j6 Q. S+ e" x0 U> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
+ |* ]8 a. h2 I f1 y: I> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; s$ y* j+ u! C% z! L6 Z
> > maintain their average figure.
0 P, D4 z) q3 I% v9 T4 t1 l$ ?> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time! ~1 M/ d; I9 |+ s! _ L( g
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 l& L z! C& s. }
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' x- [- M# n+ B& Q0 P0 k8 F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive F8 _3 S/ }' I. j7 p
> > employment experience.
4 k. L0 d( T8 f- H1 q) d> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" i3 t; ]3 h6 i* J$ h0 i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 L5 s' Z+ f8 F' Z7 b- w) |# z2 b
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
' n0 I+ L5 R9 ?; [8 j" s> > directed elsewhere. |
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