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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
& ]1 j; T$ \6 L& i; U% Q5 T8 x> > Effective January 2007
3 C2 X7 b- w# A! E# d& X5 i> > }$ K! I9 F5 Z9 C3 L% N5 m0 R
> > Dress Code
. W5 a6 q4 ^5 p. E$ [" W> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
2 ?, f2 r; G+ @- f) \4 z> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% W) T& g$ H7 c> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 T/ f N" z" h$ s1 w! h( P
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not! c! Q) z( X* L2 n
> > need a pay raise.
$ }2 e9 K8 U! W9 _> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ u. z" [* e2 s+ i: |# N" Q' ?' M
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer/ v1 X6 r- }# o' {/ p
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 r7 b p( D/ [. Q" v0 Z8 ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; K' N4 n0 f' @; P1 p8 D. l> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
( }- Y4 H' t. b4 w- L; B> > raise.
& e* B+ [. D6 e> >
1 N* c ~( I2 `> > Sick Days
; f% o$ K6 i$ p& t% b> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as. u$ m$ t6 u/ V7 |# V
> > proof of sickness.8 E( X# A7 ~: Z1 }4 X
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able6 h/ s$ e! y& |* F; r( X$ y
> > to come to work.; w7 q+ {0 v; f% l& B/ ~
> >1 r1 k2 Y } U" z! f+ A/ H
> > Holiday Days$ K; {+ B4 J: _2 X# f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a8 d9 @. s/ o8 _8 d3 h7 ]+ l u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- w7 w5 k1 u n! d* U% B
> >
: A8 G0 H0 f' G) t! j> > Compassionate Leave
8 i# R& ]5 W2 `* `8 @- @> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* O8 r* E$ S& ^6 z$ P> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 q: z- R L. k0 G9 L4 D: h> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
# l8 D* Q8 d; N! D% P D> > employees attend to the arrangements.
2 G; |, [1 k5 w9 n }# u; ?8 n w- ~> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! H" B* S( U1 ^" a0 p' _> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 K, n( d6 C; t+ ]% a3 k
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
+ Z9 v- [# s& j: B+ t8 m) Q/ n6 S> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 w8 O1 R: O- B; n9 e
> > hour early. p1 \4 h9 ]4 i, K# r
> >
. e: U" Y' J" ]) X/ N( R" l> > Toilet Use& z# |0 `% N4 Q- n
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
X" C P" D( y0 V1 u> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ n- w0 p3 {2 I9 S, W> > in the cubicles.
- f: n4 _" P4 \> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, f" p- b, {; T% T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% x( a* h2 b p J1 n) }# d/ `% D> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.8 `8 K# e( m7 {* a3 z( ?* X
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be w+ v/ d+ t% x+ V; U
> > posted on the company notice board under the: u& _. G+ W0 P1 x3 Y0 G
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- M( ]& O. g( k2 _) X* W8 f
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" B1 E! N4 g7 _4 x; W
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
- \: g5 U1 `+ M* U- q7 m: C> > policy.% `8 ?* P$ Q6 A, h0 x) v6 Y
> > g& ~6 y, E8 h
> > Lunch Break0 V: f( _' A1 Z$ Y/ b) k
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 K, H# \( v+ @
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 q$ Y* [! c" @7 d6 {3 b$ X) c> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to; e& P* f; q. j+ H0 ~. X& z
> > maintain their average figure.; v" Y) K2 D! f: E' E3 s
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; G: U* @) @1 F( S# B> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.$ y6 L- q9 c- z& B- m
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
( D1 H8 n2 r1 |+ q9 u> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# K% [* f% d3 M+ d: x6 G
> > employment experience.0 `- {7 n( y! ?7 c
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# r. o a _" L8 n1 M> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% J3 Y) |+ ?7 @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 ]. F* n, H+ H
> > directed elsewhere. |
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