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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
) |! |$ F3 q# ^# B: j# x, Z> > Effective January 2007* ~3 i/ a/ {) C* z* S
> >
' V/ j# b. b! I> > Dress Code
$ P& Q3 g: t5 r8 u) R' c/ z> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 G, K% `2 X" j7 n: }8 i, N> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
& J) q6 I' J* x0 Q# [> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume! F: C: A$ b, [ [
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# k# d) C, b# C/ d1 s8 L$ u/ P
> > need a pay raise.$ N% o$ N+ H% A! D8 w: _
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
! U, G- ^0 R0 r' k, y' d> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! F" X1 K, ]5 R5 f' B> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 c& t D6 |8 u. c# _7 E
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. U$ h& O9 L3 u* @& s* _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay) Q1 n" z6 P. N X: `
> > raise.; q+ J" Y8 L- V. M2 [+ q6 c
> >2 @& Z7 K' u/ {9 D
> > Sick Days+ b' _ m b: N0 x
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
; o* g+ n! R1 y- S/ W9 R> > proof of sickness.
7 O% M3 z7 X N; G" L> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
$ j* u% V5 z! b; ~/ X; @& J> > to come to work.
- t* B9 N/ {9 E1 f> >8 k( Z& q+ ]4 k) x( C) b& z
> > Holiday Days
& v4 d3 \9 i; o8 A. X) p+ ]> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) z% J& b& ~5 x7 a( L> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday." A' ]/ e/ o. u4 W0 o0 n# ]
> >% ^4 N, J( ^/ x9 ~
> > Compassionate Leave" U& L: ?8 U6 T( Y8 k2 j+ b: S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
* l- @: ?; Y0 I& ?2 ? @> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 v- N3 c# [* t3 B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
( l, R% \6 {: z3 s' w0 T: H> > employees attend to the arrangements.
' j' i9 K) T4 T6 k> > In rare cases where employee involvement is8 n9 }: g0 _% l K! l( I+ Z+ E
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; q( N5 f: S* u" {: N# M
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 W8 G, n. v/ S# R. S% V. {
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ u2 ~# t' n) x* I* V> > hour early.% ]) o. A+ Z3 z* w
> >
_& \ [) I6 V' K2 E. T( {% C3 g> > Toilet Use2 L- L4 O. T6 t- B6 F @/ _+ S: S
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" n% F7 ?8 F5 x/ A2 l
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( r6 R5 g# W! e) P) p8 |2 l1 M/ d> > in the cubicles.4 \* `* p2 n+ c4 D# \0 c: ^' R
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
5 W( p; F% ^! m( T; }> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
o+ @ h8 Z, x g. a> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
0 O8 g) i; W" g9 z/ j6 t8 V* Y> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be) h& q% s2 M; X9 J
> > posted on the company notice board under the
* R* |+ J; e$ w3 r' E> > "Chronic Offenders" category.9 H7 T, O7 _! g0 O. J
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
! U- }: P# Q6 D, G4 v> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! @3 ~" g2 h4 o5 r( X, B
> > policy.
$ L. j+ D3 o4 q7 [0 t& q' U> > _8 a- r: |0 ^4 k6 O# F
> > Lunch Break
/ k* K* w+ ~1 H" H> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they8 K2 ]7 M) F& P2 f' N3 F7 T: |
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
$ t2 g/ N4 ]' W4 N> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 J, O C0 d0 F% n# P5 ^> > maintain their average figure.
0 s, ~ u3 p# Y> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
% ]/ y* b- D8 p! j8 D* Z. Z& c> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
5 i: d5 o+ W! o. D9 h) m> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 H' L4 W4 v0 g7 i, t1 @> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 | N! }0 F5 f6 Q> > employment experience.
0 b) U. x3 G9 H4 X> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
# f: d; E2 f2 l2 W> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
( I7 `9 e+ |% |5 @> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
; O' S2 U- w6 i> > directed elsewhere. |
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