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發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:; d8 ^$ R6 ~, k! S$ H X
> > Effective January 2007
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1 e3 B! A$ t$ A( I> > Dress Code9 k8 V8 a! D, U. f; |, d9 S' o
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: |/ }8 E ~% W8 o> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing$ I5 S7 j1 E0 y E( n2 C
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
$ s2 B7 V1 X& M; U; H" x> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not; W; A/ |. P2 @! V# }
> > need a pay raise./ r; v! ? Q8 U( o& U" b, M1 Y% O
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. e8 y# S2 L3 F7 K> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" m U4 [. s/ \9 _* W0 y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
0 Y- F0 D$ M# {> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ j4 r) V3 F7 z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 @4 M% C* y9 G/ H) F& k
> > raise.
( y# U. q. o7 @> >+ w1 y# @, W0 J* Z
> > Sick Days
( z1 T! c4 m$ d/ o# y" [' B> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 q5 ~5 _* B# o' F2 w, d> > proof of sickness.3 Y- X6 n! l, a
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able* s3 Y" g, e/ P1 M- N
> > to come to work.
x: s( h. ?0 o) s> >
2 {3 C N, x& c' [. x, ? Y; Q7 m0 u> > Holiday Days
% g% L- T6 K, k> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a' [3 d6 N* M9 t
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.9 q7 d& g+ ?& G4 {2 E% \" b
> >
7 X8 e8 @* E' G8 x> > Compassionate Leave
1 @" u: @: O6 Q$ b" d/ \" x a> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- P: u# r2 K5 M> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-+ `) x% Z1 L8 v5 R& T% X& ~( A9 n6 O
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
5 D; z1 A$ _: T" F8 c9 }> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 c0 A' ~5 Z* R9 `9 n
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is2 z+ C8 v# p$ F7 s& ]6 |* ?; B5 s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, n; C7 T* F: a. S& c> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' a6 k8 s& J w/ W2 |, n> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 L! g0 b( L9 S4 ?1 Q4 m! g( @( [
> > hour early.
9 t" ~/ y4 @5 X8 b8 L# [& ], u> >
4 B8 l. U; J/ g# C: T> > Toilet Use. k9 S% X4 f$ M1 ~
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the. f8 `) o3 Y8 {1 [- i
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
6 u% ^" O3 j0 r, q! J> > in the cubicles.
6 P7 ?$ U! ?# D( ?' m& K3 c6 ]) p> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' k% T, n+ K& E! I! \. T& Z* H; ^
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* U/ v; s3 y# H \
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. O, P/ |) o7 e+ T, @> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 j( {4 S$ P4 W# n( @2 k: P) Z
> > posted on the company notice board under the7 d8 t% V& k+ |1 L# @" ]
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
- `1 E3 }4 e# ]& G# p8 C> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- ]( I! y0 ?; u( F5 W* D
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
! @: U! X) @& V. u1 ?> > policy./ D1 u& j0 L6 A" h: y! \
> >9 P1 Y& k9 j/ G1 H% K6 T9 p) g
> > Lunch Break
0 {9 [' K' _2 _: b& E2 z1 p> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. r# _2 j* x, V4 y S R> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( ~0 s, _8 ~# o& J" G' C> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ G; ~# e5 t% ^9 |# y$ w4 U# h
> > maintain their average figure.
3 y6 F% N& y' Q" N7 Z& o9 p7 R> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
0 \' N$ g, ~0 ?+ L! _$ o> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 l8 j, k8 d; S% H0 w& U
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. b7 c& @3 L z4 @" K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 R* G; O* E1 L
> > employment experience.
5 l( D; M5 P1 i1 v" @> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ W/ }2 X8 C1 H- P7 ~# R' \6 o> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' Z D( @) Q7 u0 p4 |+ l6 ^5 k; P
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
. O1 R0 P* B. O3 y' G3 d! _> > directed elsewhere. |
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