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1#
發表於 2007-8-7 12:24 PM
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HR MEMO
To all Employees:
" k! ^& [! R) I( Y! s. r; k7 Q& ]6 ?> > Effective January 2007
1 a- {2 M! j M' _> >3 I* W/ [3 v4 Y, q# f+ I5 ^! }
> > Dress Code
( `4 \# \( v b$ Q& K> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
6 ?! {& z. ?( h( f. J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% K7 H) R/ ^* ^2 c> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume& I8 y9 X1 F/ }7 q+ x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' C9 [& B1 _0 y0 \7 X> > need a pay raise.
. L. g# H% I4 a+ \1 o: o- j> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
7 [$ O0 G" p) R5 [> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
: R, `2 }, p' l0 p, R) L9 }- r> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 U8 v" \% f }: \) ^> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ z b; v* [ g3 b d1 n T
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& |1 L, w4 @! e! C+ F> > raise.( H/ B: J/ P( u* q
> >" R3 ?- b0 H0 A) `
> > Sick Days
5 b* Z) y4 S$ `) I4 g> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
A4 Z: |8 k! C# ]: ~" Z9 r> > proof of sickness.% P, ], o- [6 W7 ]' R
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 l% ~' H" n7 J( @! m" B) k> > to come to work.
' X( |5 x0 Y0 C: E7 q" U8 n> >
: ^& ~/ v& J# P* v% F# Y, D> > Holiday Days7 M5 F7 J* K$ r% o
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a) \- Z- T! r4 j/ w. J3 N1 s
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& X% X L$ c- q3 ^ I- J1 ~9 A& v> >
4 l, ^. @" w" l3 I; }! A# S# O> > Compassionate Leave
5 W& Z7 z( x2 N* l: b6 L> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 d4 s( F! m6 I4 s& i- H
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 M# V) s& w! X* I! T) n2 u, c5 g
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
- u" `; i7 F* F> > employees attend to the arrangements.- s* T% }2 I: \! E
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* g1 B( l7 K' h8 w% G- e
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ T' n9 ]# |& G! s" I
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
' i3 v7 {0 |- o' U, T& y> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
# W; G' Y' b$ X8 h0 t6 S& _3 L> > hour early.
$ R! \" n e7 y; g> >+ |/ w: Y+ [1 Z7 g* S
> > Toilet Use
; U/ G. T5 D& {6 @> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
7 f: j( d0 ?/ z1 J i5 n> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit2 \9 q0 B) Q2 @% P$ n5 P# D
> > in the cubicles.
5 U% s! M. n# k1 z' Y> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) j/ U6 w \& G* {& O) g/ V4 v
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ Y! u2 k+ {' Q) [> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.# e$ G) q5 [3 P$ C2 U+ O: ^8 @
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 _1 R8 G/ o1 h6 [6 \, k
> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 N7 l. F- X$ k1 b> > "Chronic Offenders" category.7 l/ a, D! I1 o5 k# E. ^) Y
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be; X# [6 I' ]' ~# N5 V
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
& s; D/ e( v7 I> > policy.
, P8 d7 D7 w/ ~( i) a, s> >
; ?; |' ]8 G: e1 [> > Lunch Break
3 Z: y$ k' i1 p% G> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, m& L& z5 F6 s2 s> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.; |; a6 N8 K. a
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ M* \- H: s8 K J9 g; w
> > maintain their average figure. M. J* a' z5 E/ l$ Q! E
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time9 {7 m, h- Q# m& y. s, a
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; q) w8 k+ L/ M% A
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
6 H; F3 Z. u; X# T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" K" _, A, ? J5 d8 [4 _) K/ v
> > employment experience.
# t+ @8 t3 t) n7 I; ^& C> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 b K4 h* [3 Z* z) H
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,0 }, i: R- _# H0 g- q0 i# \2 k
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: L3 L. \+ i' ]% ?+ c, H
> > directed elsewhere. |
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