HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 `5 S- `4 B. V- j; s0 j, u
> >                     Effective January 2007
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  Z3 r) l8 r; I& L( Q> > Dress Code
5 }+ z4 \: I: M/ n> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; \" l5 s. Q; O8 g! X
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
- i( I( K- B: V4 c* w> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ M; g) `% ]5 v5 x% a) q, Z9 F7 ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
  W- U/ g( a5 E; D4 ^" {> > need a pay raise.! u  w0 @" B' M5 @) j: j& Z- v
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 i- e  [6 d* ~5 r/ E  S8 P
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# F3 B2 Z/ v0 a  N) x; C
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 N- z) y1 j% E4 G) f7 X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you" ]7 L( m- g  Q: H0 c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay3 J8 }! R1 i) e- o1 M
> > raise.
/ [. {# S7 i6 Y) q3 S+ b, ?> >
3 O1 v' E4 r3 ?1 y) O> > Sick Days
* e" d2 Y! Y$ D: @> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as' T1 }" B. D+ B4 H
> > proof of sickness.
8 B4 |: i# J4 ?- ^> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 Z& t  H7 I) ?
> > to come to work.  f" o* ^. Z9 G. m5 T; v, q4 y
> >; e1 D# H! i, ]
> > Holiday Days" e" J$ }9 e! c! X2 u! v
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 j; }5 [& Z- _, j. G
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. A; b9 b+ T/ X; I; G( _
> >
0 n. r  I4 |1 B8 m1 {) y4 h3 ]: b> > Compassionate Leave
1 ~# O, i+ S: v, O. M> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing+ _( p( u( p+ Y
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, J9 m( \- j. Q1 f" K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 b' b+ f# @7 B, k5 k3 ~> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 d2 D+ H- p) D& ~  _# M
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
4 n/ Y5 H; Y2 J0 U! }> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
/ P, ?3 ?, a% T7 H" \: ]> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* u  U( r1 F; p( [; X7 O
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one* k6 T# s) F, }* {7 v* M4 H
> > hour early.
% C+ E) k9 r4 S2 N; r: H> >) }/ V  z4 `( F( G, A5 r3 x
> > Toilet Use
2 T' d; \; {1 x9 |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the% e9 J  M" C8 [, V& e$ O1 g
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit& i2 L5 i, E* p& \* p8 _! w  g% B
> > in the cubicles.
- c, F  c& G! }; [$ J> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
4 ]9 T+ n: x( X6 M6 m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% x* r. j8 A# E/ @2 i; T' q
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
- U1 k* w7 S( }1 O, k7 n7 |3 n0 ^> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
, X, v+ g# U$ y9 j> > posted on the company notice board under the  ?7 R8 r9 S) v$ b
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 O1 K$ h+ X& H> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. m0 l6 X3 k  o3 o4 c
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- F1 K5 }4 }0 u4 |) j( D
> > policy.  y/ P9 L: v7 K
> >0 ~# b9 @" C8 b$ \7 f/ u* m/ E
> > Lunch Break
- i3 s! s3 w8 p- R: f0 Z0 L: N> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  `# E- s6 V6 n- e, {> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2 M1 `& d$ W. ]> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- D+ |! V: E( Y; L7 I5 t
> > maintain their average figure.
( ~2 L) b* }4 e4 C& }  h9 {8 k! D> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
  l7 u6 S3 Q' w> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 r( m" g$ d8 c: m; E> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
9 J5 B! A* Q: n: j/ f> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive* w+ u4 z% ]$ ^+ i  A. E
> > employment experience.6 p/ z/ a. _9 u' [  b8 S, O
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,$ Q" k1 n# t( P# }
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 }, s' p9 K# \( r7 _# [6 N> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
0 s& N1 k' e( j- t3 f, k5 X) p> > directed elsewhere.