HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ c* Y8 O/ u/ o) r1 a> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
- C# P# e. y7 h  K2 y2 ^> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
( H4 j$ x) r/ l4 Y> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: M% @( H# b/ F' c  u
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume: W) {& r5 }; }6 s, r
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 @! C8 @% W* n: G* I0 [
> > need a pay raise., T; D4 i: D. s8 ?% H1 R2 r
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage, D$ V6 S( e8 U2 J& K% [* `
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, N0 J, U$ b! g- [4 |
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise./ F9 _+ K3 @6 r2 E
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 l3 S' V$ Y6 c> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay! g! _4 f4 Q2 [+ p
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
  q8 k3 R- c- M> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as  ^; l! A! A# F
> > proof of sickness.
( b4 J5 E2 j! `5 H! w> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able6 D/ Y  Q. M" h- Q# R
> > to come to work.( F1 V9 Y4 n: I/ C: E: W% d# l# e
> >3 Y4 ^3 b) o! B+ |2 A3 O
> > Holiday Days
( }* m8 W$ d7 c; B( _( \> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# O# }4 b! c" S" e# N. s" G> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
) S% Q) X  V3 L/ `> >
  T/ m" t6 C9 w& \' j* A9 W6 |+ N! h( `> > Compassionate Leave
. e& f# o: x7 d- B9 {; B" i> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
+ w4 }. K4 B0 a# e* _- i4 b3 N> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* w7 |6 ?0 c& I* Q; C
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 p( z; `9 J  v6 Y  r* ]
> > employees attend to the arrangements.* A6 v5 F( A9 H! l8 c+ x9 y0 V
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" C/ q, U6 h6 H' T* _" y# x! [5 ^> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
( _9 C8 u( v5 d: h> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! d1 Y( `% v) O: R* u4 u5 q6 I
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
. y/ @" P0 r+ g; p8 S> > hour early.
1 Z1 e1 w  y+ X> >
- Y4 N( j' L5 X/ `> > Toilet Use2 w( q, Y% B+ M2 r2 ~" f
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the0 A& D# q7 A) {! ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' o# x- \' X- y! P$ s> > in the cubicles.
! K) n( Q; S. K3 p> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
( g, F4 y) A$ L8 g1 P. ~7 G( B) _> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 [5 W1 i; Q0 j9 B- ]- U( h( ^9 H6 E> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 p# z+ m* y2 |9 m  ]: S: T  }7 E> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 @  x! q: `7 ?6 M7 v! W' _+ T, L" m
> > posted on the company notice board under the
# Y2 x& Z- J/ `5 Q4 P$ w> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. h. [0 T/ ~6 F) `! x> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
0 d+ {, u: S8 G2 b$ {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
' f1 k- M0 J1 l& ?- i! O> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break4 |1 O  _$ a& c7 t8 X5 M5 r
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they" c% n) q. f) A
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( q4 L5 A% J. K1 S> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
9 h3 S5 i- ~9 e6 `1 \7 m> > maintain their average figure.
% L/ }2 _2 I: O> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time  [# p& K6 L( I2 f! O" D
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 W/ v5 `3 g/ ^) j  ~  U/ M> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. H/ q' \6 J; B% j( u> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
2 A. f* Y$ l; f4 b; w3 ^8 {> > employment experience.4 D2 @) f3 N  J/ m2 G) b
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' e2 u* K+ w8 i9 `7 D> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& {( P, z8 D" y' w5 G
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, W% c/ u: D+ }" z9 a9 F4 z
> > directed elsewhere.