HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:. [" w' H8 }1 T) c, l
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
) y$ z* p( Y! b* L, t* q0 Y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: l9 p" |/ I4 `, k/ {. X1 l& L8 V
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing/ E7 K9 [' Z9 r8 |* y1 X
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- N8 E# M  f9 r4 C; t2 q& d/ K> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 S* F1 A/ A3 y8 L: O2 r
> > need a pay raise.
3 b' w1 o3 C8 U; y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  a6 I1 z, O& w% p6 f> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
" p, w0 O- s0 g. |: T8 G' |% Q* i> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 j  K6 F% v  _7 C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, ~6 n: K8 Q8 A" o( Q9 Q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) t5 a0 K4 f% s" x+ ~( s! s2 t* L> > raise.& f' ^" V$ S& i8 a& i
> >
' L! r" `6 y$ h& T& E, l; B' D# ?> > Sick Days% z( ]8 _& x" w
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as/ x0 L6 }7 V3 k; d, y
> > proof of sickness.5 T) ^$ X0 p' O3 ^% i
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# s0 x2 Q6 ~1 G9 W  c- B3 B> > to come to work.
2 p0 V/ E* |. F+ [* W> >! K  J, \' m- D- ?" B
> > Holiday Days
3 T$ M1 ?0 Y4 d9 `" x+ m> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
/ N/ |& y1 H- W+ e> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday., J' Y/ T5 r$ j: g. p
> >) Y9 i3 M+ A1 f; n
> > Compassionate Leave
& |. Y1 P, `, H, k> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing" [( E: ?+ p/ y- M3 C, ^
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
4 A' G8 l/ h: Y, l> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# }# b# i( _9 o6 {1 R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
1 P2 X2 f7 e0 G3 \5 o6 V2 w/ W> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 ?9 a) p7 @2 I( I. g  b> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the3 J# c# Z# s1 l  @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 r  b9 K  u' G9 a
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 R, X0 Z1 C' l+ d- _> > hour early.) g7 Y1 i# J5 ~. u, \
> >; J- Z) L# X( `
> > Toilet Use- S$ [& L; ?  F- ?
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 x/ J: v# Y: S, ]' L$ D& ~  R
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( U- W* U/ q" B; l- y4 x) B> > in the cubicles.) l8 n5 p$ _# Z7 {
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. r4 k2 Q7 Z5 _7 d9 O2 o( K> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
' Z, r: N9 d( q0 n& Y' {& g> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 A. S* J0 F. Q/ e6 a6 v: U* }
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
: F7 [& V, [8 U0 ?" @> > posted on the company notice board under the
% R) K" `- t0 }  B2 w$ H> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 y0 p6 |+ W! t! h
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
  b8 `' P! B0 n0 i3 j' @> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 D7 c9 w: r1 f  k
> > policy.& o' A+ ~$ U( F7 H% l5 |* W8 |
> >9 n! m' u7 W; k7 ^( M
> > Lunch Break
4 B5 q3 n0 _* ]* u) k4 p$ U( W: h> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 C0 k6 W8 Q' f* A# i" ?
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.( e* Q1 q/ p0 D; |3 L
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! _! u$ G" P  z' L1 d> > maintain their average figure.
1 t2 V9 T$ Y& t5 u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time) r  L2 j. S. h, A, p3 ~
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.1 n) f. {. E. w; S# H( C
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
" t& ?  {% ~% u+ j> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive$ t% ^! V) }/ v" d$ h7 q
> > employment experience.
. t) K- e3 S2 f8 U3 I* f> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,+ Q. F2 i9 B. ^, I7 r3 U
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
2 w" P6 R: y9 H+ }' [; u' p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
6 i& ]# _# J9 Q2 j+ Y, B> > directed elsewhere.