HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
& `* @5 h- y  p3 W> >                     Effective January 2007* e* Q. G2 j6 u0 ]7 Y1 A3 f
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> > Dress Code
: m& m+ H# a  N1 w, s> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 E! ^/ u) K' E7 w
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing: w# X2 e0 \; g- l+ R5 f  T
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- L3 R9 M7 U% S) x3 [> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not% i) o+ G' Y" O6 U* Y6 t: u) D
> > need a pay raise.. M- O- v9 r( P$ A+ e
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
7 }) S1 M! R& x0 _1 y* s! S> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
) P0 k( ~4 E9 ~> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; H0 M( h( i! c2 e
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 C) k& x9 W( Z$ S3 t' l7 c
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 f  c0 ]% j$ @) q* K( w* t$ S% w& i
> > raise.8 I( ?! o, P- m, D' }, F
> >
) ?6 H4 X( p: P4 I$ \  h> > Sick Days
# i$ p$ P$ S3 j" m' Q8 {> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
5 i* }# O3 ^: a: E) z; m; w> > proof of sickness.
% e1 V- w4 Q- Y6 t/ l9 C' {> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 U- V3 q& `+ I3 \6 f> > to come to work.9 Y7 K5 s. y5 y3 d7 t
> >) z9 P! h* U( U' q
> > Holiday Days% v( @% R& i$ a9 H1 _( B- }
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 H8 r: X, Y' J# C1 c8 `> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.- z; H; a/ l$ f4 z8 n4 U
> >
# n0 `3 k: C1 ~1 K3 Q* W+ f> > Compassionate Leave
( A9 Y# T' E/ R8 |5 `> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing5 d) [9 }4 J2 V/ i* u% {$ p
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
. d. R* b- X" c" C8 N> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-0 e0 b. u2 T1 q9 A1 j, `. M
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# t7 e8 L8 P  X+ Z2 @5 ]: |> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# n; Y% o! m4 ]4 z" b
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ ?, Z4 |& }, `; P" Y
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: S# h6 O, Y) J1 O
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
8 y( a3 }0 O" y- a% x: j, I> > hour early.* |1 t) H2 p+ P( ]( q& C3 z: ?" ^' I
> >
, ?# @7 r9 m# V7 p% B1 q5 W, U> > Toilet Use
7 H" r  }/ V' u& V+ J/ L5 S0 b> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 Y9 U; Z+ Q2 X8 n
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  e! b8 d  ^2 K) T- z$ n6 U' D
> > in the cubicles.' C) |. L! g! ]. \- G
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will) I5 ^4 l& R* w. {! ]
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle4 u  R, o" a, J6 ~
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 R9 X+ @/ n1 q4 {$ R+ G# u$ A  i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 j/ p  m* e9 Q! w: V* G' k" q
> > posted on the company notice board under the$ x7 o  L# X. c7 D" L! O# [" M
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.( R% q# j& o+ J$ Q4 r
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 ~' ~, i: |! t$ b, `* J1 b% {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health. R2 @% U3 M! g5 ^2 `, O
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
0 K0 k: J6 I/ d5 t# h5 p- G, v% c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they) e0 [, ~8 r& E' q7 M
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! o2 V* t! B9 C/ u
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% g! M9 T9 O5 A& z- }3 ^) B) [: P
> > maintain their average figure.
2 _" a0 @9 H7 q! ~( ?4 C0 C> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
& v/ w5 h! B, w+ ~% W$ Z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 C1 O. ]2 |, r8 m/ G' L> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: k% \  p1 ^/ }
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# i; L  |; o2 O. P& ?
> > employment experience.
) Z- `+ x# \2 r; W> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 Y" i, `4 e6 z1 w* x
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
5 A. O% C! u$ o2 i! M& p> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 `/ W8 g( s) [5 Q% ]/ ]
> > directed elsewhere.