HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
6 P7 Y8 f) b' S* F3 A2 A> >                     Effective January 2007- M( }' R* S- r1 p
> >
2 R& W) `8 ^* j1 w- g* ?> > Dress Code
, m! s% G2 f6 C6 o> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
- L* H' m- x- N- |( w6 V4 a> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
7 W4 n. w8 ]$ I> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' E# S  U1 c/ r. G6 J
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 g3 K' L! F( H9 H% q# d; B% O
> > need a pay raise.3 i  |! c" m) q3 _9 _& f
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
3 `2 v. u1 Q6 L' A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# B7 A7 Y$ u! q) {+ P" q# M7 p* I1 w
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% n2 a, ?; q# q& A0 u
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ K0 p3 y' M2 t$ S! ]
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay: k0 H: C! ~0 ~- X; {9 L4 w8 Q: X
> > raise.
: t% R) ]# R5 u7 s  c4 q> >. u% u! v3 K0 w6 I" V( e' X
> > Sick Days
) w/ y6 [6 g! \- J% ]: `5 ^6 g> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
$ }2 _) d3 C5 V# z' X- D8 c+ c> > proof of sickness.8 r; o( {3 s7 e% }) T9 T) b
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able. Y4 c! c! f( a2 g: h( t" g
> > to come to work.
) y" ^4 V( q5 b3 D> >
% |6 K; A) m% w' P; U6 Y> > Holiday Days; s, J% \; @7 c4 t% B$ [3 Z2 R. r
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; L7 R; W+ _' F; Q0 `! p& {5 A' k> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
; N1 T2 W# X- B$ M# K> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing, o6 N/ y1 h% M4 |5 i
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 Z0 F8 }. S. A) A3 V
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 H9 q1 I1 @1 E% Y4 ~
> > employees attend to the arrangements.# G7 G' G0 U8 W8 ?; [
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! h, {3 p) K/ W. P# G$ f: @
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, e! \. ~8 c' B- T7 w> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work7 z6 y7 k+ c* L9 D' H& B7 J
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
% f' g5 O, |# h6 F8 N> > hour early.* G. P. v( M9 a) C% ]
> >
8 n2 m  f" ?2 W- ^  W5 e. J4 [4 V> > Toilet Use
9 P* e+ h* A# r, t# |! `" i> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 v6 S9 O% {  X5 _, b. f5 z
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
0 G. h: ^/ q+ m2 c( y> > in the cubicles., Z7 L/ Y6 Y; A+ {4 O# {. ?7 A
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
! i6 d; O8 m+ j( I> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle; P- a+ ^3 ]4 E
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ v/ o# s1 ?; P; ^+ G( _
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be" |  n1 ?0 @* M1 s. K9 O
> > posted on the company notice board under the
$ S% @; l; l( U  B> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
. Y8 _1 E, p' Y, ]9 t, j9 C9 Z> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be. k! ~$ `' {0 H0 s, T
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 i8 Q- a7 r; h( Y3 G5 U
> > policy.+ x0 c0 _: ]8 t$ N
> >. j4 Z+ q) C- I0 s9 G" Q8 a8 s- M
> > Lunch Break- A) @- n. i- h# u3 ?  ]  W1 v
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 E; S% e: ?9 K$ i2 v0 f- x4 M9 g
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 d6 P, R) Y) c; |> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ M% C! d9 R1 R/ T
> > maintain their average figure.' p8 k! n1 v, @# F- {
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time1 ]$ l2 L: e8 t0 x5 J
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
/ z3 b2 u2 Y' `  N% @3 ^> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
) S. A5 I+ r7 F> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
& f0 E0 M: ?5 L. E/ G> > employment experience.
2 s% Q$ O: N! v5 _" i0 l: {> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,  ]% G) f( ^+ @0 n
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 z2 Y, X; R9 p, Z/ y> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
+ c" i; [# `( ^> > directed elsewhere.