HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
' a% ^. R+ M8 m2 G> >                     Effective January 20075 J! b! {3 A2 D% L
> >! L0 |0 l0 H9 Z' f+ `
> > Dress Code
: b: B  Q& i$ ]* m7 D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
: P6 ?4 t9 U, S  w> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
: B4 R% d$ X& t  P> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume. \' E2 w8 W6 a
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 q, s4 H" L* o2 Y
> > need a pay raise.1 }2 _! L. G1 {, x% k% h+ l4 a
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 g! v6 @8 c- Q2 z% A> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' S5 \& p" m- `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
7 r' c) J, b8 Z2 _+ U> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you+ w1 e) q! R- H; a. p
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay8 d8 r0 H  d. {1 u  |# Y! ^2 n; w
> > raise.
$ x5 X1 ^+ I/ ?3 ~, s# G5 j; @> >
! Z, K4 v. P" U$ c  n> > Sick Days( w2 B2 d- e: L: D  |# P* E0 }
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as7 s* Z+ F0 m# j& g* w
> > proof of sickness.
+ M0 G. z% D# u0 o9 @4 N: S> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able: @. c% x% Y3 Q) U1 `$ G
> > to come to work.
( Q5 E& n$ ^- H; Q3 p$ ~* s> >9 G9 [& z1 @8 i' ?. C6 R: f2 Y
> > Holiday Days: s% Z* ?8 ^( y0 ~$ R. M
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
* A  V7 N* s. K7 n2 |' S; Q( l, U> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.! Y3 i1 J+ m6 d- n( b+ B8 v
> >- i0 F0 ~* i0 e1 I" E
> > Compassionate Leave
: v  L: ^# O2 j5 x6 H5 F' P> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
% C* z1 O4 A6 y; `; F4 g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
, o% A4 M: n3 O6 L# }$ g& R> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 I/ T: W- E6 a9 l- ?6 L3 _+ M9 a> > employees attend to the arrangements., U3 z& r' |3 @0 x4 {1 z7 K
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is7 s& K, C9 y+ X$ ?
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% e0 R* A% G, [. f9 d0 H6 `7 p$ t> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% a" _2 G! }* m1 \> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one9 F9 j  b1 W! _( c! X
> > hour early.
* u6 c: U; c* B5 `> >
$ n8 i& r/ L( `& G, |: r. X> > Toilet Use& h' L$ R* s' B2 b7 j; {
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the/ _8 j( H7 ~$ O% }4 n2 a/ c6 W
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit' [$ i6 |, k. N/ q
> > in the cubicles.
4 s( d* G9 W) m: T> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will2 j& p6 B" Q2 |! B) ^8 A* T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
6 I1 z& ^4 x2 B+ {3 g  n8 K3 Y9 M> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ Z' H" b" ~: r6 i  {
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be5 E+ M. x) L0 x0 ?0 N
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ Z. F9 ^' h7 d8 X' @
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
) j/ z2 V/ A: o  B: V0 o> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ Q/ W3 y2 R7 q' e; G2 {* l
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
6 n* x1 a' W% x- T> > policy.* o4 T' ?9 h2 ?% Q- w: v  d* [) }
> >
5 i, ]3 Z7 B0 v/ Z$ Y2 ?- S, ?> > Lunch Break
0 ]3 R' a. a2 g, ]$ f: o> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they6 o- K# I4 U4 H  A* E( V" I
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- N% Q: n; m. \/ a( N% c
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to4 }& H& Z! ~+ v6 L; M: ^6 t
> > maintain their average figure.* L8 N; S+ _7 M9 V5 |
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( \2 e" D8 O, i- w8 p, h> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.2 U8 G; C/ F! S
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
5 P- C0 o7 y$ E" n* r7 `, {( ]> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 d0 X& \3 m7 Q; v. \> > employment experience., j7 M9 J) T1 a& j
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,3 c, _) {: t$ Y- f1 b3 O
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 a% K6 @% T2 I; E
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
1 v- ^5 ]: I# l$ X7 d! }: }> > directed elsewhere.