HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 ?! x- i5 m, Z' w- H- Z> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code4 ^. y- Z; m$ H7 k1 u7 h
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed, H6 t; H- x2 w0 @( ]- N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
4 b2 ?. b( }5 m3 o> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume' h$ C5 {& t, x7 w( n- J
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not4 X; Y+ x2 m6 Y7 W8 B6 Q
> > need a pay raise.' P7 t$ a, V, _+ E! H
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
3 K" `( l8 G- B3 k( k& f" `, C> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ g/ M& _" L* ^+ r8 v& G/ y> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.- e+ J( x, V9 M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you: S4 E) N5 U: z
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
! Q9 X2 m* ~4 t  Z7 J> > raise.
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> > Sick Days' C4 |8 N. P) S" h$ K. G0 Y* Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" H% p' A. D! v' Z  q> > proof of sickness.& ]6 Y! H8 A2 d- [# J% W8 O
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 e* s8 ~/ b$ `) ^  \. p
> > to come to work.
& U! k5 y; ]" e! i" f, d( L> >
0 J/ r& A2 I) W> > Holiday Days! ]' j& C6 E$ x, A! \9 Y0 M, T
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 I1 I' x3 e! y7 j; x7 ~' U> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 B5 x3 [' i2 P9 j
> >
& J+ h2 t+ H" j7 q1 E> > Compassionate Leave
/ f! i, H- y( j9 `) `, P% {> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ Q1 p- r! x8 _4 f9 _
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
7 ?0 k: Q7 z' d2 G2 \# j> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' S1 L3 @6 Q6 q; H0 d
> > employees attend to the arrangements.. ?, B1 m1 r5 z& H8 q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
& q0 |& @; g1 j. l- `> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ y8 Y% L3 u0 N0 C. ]8 ]: r
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
5 K$ N& i  e) h> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
6 y/ M  i* Z. x, n1 }7 c> > hour early.
5 X) I: k: {  v& B8 H* L7 U6 K4 l> >
  D* I6 x0 h2 F$ @+ P. i, ^/ h> > Toilet Use9 K, ~" i* P7 H) _7 B
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 J% _' n% D# H$ K  T, h/ ]! l> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 p$ }3 o+ x/ ]* k1 y
> > in the cubicles.
  t' o' |" H) G( H. Q  d- `) z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
7 |0 |# W+ O* d# u$ W4 c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- V+ Z7 b  o: d: F> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
) z. i3 F* u2 ~+ i> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 x7 p! T) ]  c8 }" i
> > posted on the company notice board under the
6 Y' G! _4 \# [/ V) x> > "Chronic Offenders" category.4 O0 j. u; j* U1 ~7 Q9 F: t
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
: S- \  }3 a  i4 ~> > sanctioned under the company's mental health# v+ A# \, h. X/ ^! u& E
> > policy.
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' x! g7 d2 S- k# F% [- z$ M# t> > Lunch Break
9 z% z4 [/ S/ D6 u. z6 [> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they2 w2 @" K' Y9 a. z
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
! X4 U6 b0 B& d- a. f7 ~$ g% z; ^> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to/ u/ i& n- b5 x8 t
> > maintain their average figure.4 }/ a) M, R6 w1 A0 p: L3 y
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
! C! j2 o3 F! y8 S' e3 G) e$ o> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 ~9 M8 W, m7 r$ [5 s9 c
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are( _- g- K  h; S4 F/ e
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
  d' X4 }. y& @! X> > employment experience.
+ f* p' f0 q+ ?( M> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' o/ O8 _/ }" |/ q# U> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,$ L- _/ ~6 o6 X5 E5 p( v# I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be- V2 g+ V! A0 q
> > directed elsewhere.