HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
' o- x2 Y) m2 X! g& D  Y- T7 C+ B! q> >                     Effective January 2007
  C9 \  J5 V9 m3 b/ |8 G> >
9 N) L: m! r% s& h> > Dress Code0 n3 \$ ~& _! f* r7 x; b
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  a0 p- M7 b2 Y/ e> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing6 S) B2 N- L7 a) [  t4 h; N2 l# J$ f
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume* }& ]: B5 Y( A2 i8 F
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; C% e2 J1 {* f" k> > need a pay raise.
1 h  n7 M1 V5 l6 R; L> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
/ N" i! r6 l; P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, l8 H1 A; w) q% |9 j. ]" V6 j8 u
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
1 h2 D, S7 i/ Y6 D> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 \9 ?. A8 f, V- E
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay- a: z- o* E$ U" K1 l
> > raise." V/ S! q; F: g. W  Z* A: U
> >9 U% `0 h3 e7 G* ?( w
> > Sick Days' E. }" x* a. g, _2 _0 Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
! L& b+ x5 V2 k' i5 `' D  y% t> > proof of sickness.
/ @; s9 Z. n  I- w9 b& B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 E2 a, k, S6 r8 c/ M7 P> > to come to work.
/ p( o& q7 |( L> >
) Z5 q" B( p& D1 U, N> > Holiday Days" B0 z* U2 A/ b, p, N$ I
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 Y2 I2 j. O0 `> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
! F% X* @5 R( i  J> >) c0 p. D) k3 C$ K
> > Compassionate Leave
+ M& h- {8 n5 y  u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 o. r# n7 K% x0 ?6 ]
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" k, g5 l- `, _6 g. O> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 K* a+ b7 j- U> > employees attend to the arrangements.
- I) w. A4 y! P# y0 w: |- U6 ^  R> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, |2 y: ?# j) P( J# H& E! N
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the# b5 [) Z! Q5 l: i8 e9 m% L, p# s, O
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
6 I& t) ]& @& v: Y! D% b) F> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one1 @4 ?, ]2 y# S" A0 r; {4 j* v$ u
> > hour early., d( ~$ ]% Y+ E: N0 V, Q1 J
> >
& f: @+ f* \; s7 X8 G3 N4 w) \; {> > Toilet Use
8 B/ c! a& `7 s7 Y5 h> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
6 u# V. H' `: M* }2 ~$ ^6 ^. G> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) z2 Y" r8 J- f7 m$ H: ]* ]> > in the cubicles.
  I" e+ x( ]  B9 Z> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ I% @3 z) w& H6 x* i# L  V% T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle! r0 X' @& X) Y9 G' M
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% G% T+ v. O: F8 [> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
: ]% u% w8 X1 o% ^! p> > posted on the company notice board under the
- J5 o8 ]& W) }1 g7 G; l> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# n3 b5 T7 r2 |, I* T
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be7 X6 Q3 P" n/ J% ?( E1 A
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
2 H8 G- }' m+ A2 K, r# j> > policy.
2 w; r/ g+ ]% y- K+ G> >9 N. F  k9 ^! b3 X
> > Lunch Break1 ~/ T6 B9 Y% l1 L
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( @# t3 |9 Y9 }" b- G8 u> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 ?* [- p8 R- M' t7 X> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% m; s. g) _7 B5 W' E* Z> > maintain their average figure.% X# s; x6 y& O" Z
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
$ J% j2 d7 C/ F# M/ o> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 ]$ E* V" `8 N3 Y3 B7 I> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
& {1 {+ f6 ?$ I- K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive4 b4 O4 Q& }7 ?1 o$ B+ L9 K
> > employment experience.
  a& B  i$ d2 s: D' p% O6 l> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
. r2 U7 c. B. d" _# ~& t& @> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 E! M5 t4 ]/ u
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 W# Q/ S0 x- c
> > directed elsewhere.