HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:5 w( j2 T0 p& [& F! M$ p
> >                     Effective January 2007  d8 k( k4 t7 h( k
> >
/ L$ E2 B/ I9 {! H) z> > Dress Code
8 {  b  C/ a& i) H: p/ {> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% k% L# U7 O2 v4 m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
% w: ?( c$ l9 B/ D) s> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume0 J1 Z0 y5 [0 t; A- i1 Z
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
% ^9 c  m, B' T: C) t  E% S* T> > need a pay raise.
* _6 E, T( d+ m# K/ U& T> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
8 z; A6 t& {. V' H> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, O) z8 M/ D5 W8 J( t% s> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
8 Z8 Y% ^. h" G> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
# G! X0 H' ~' F3 q8 x$ q5 F> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
) D6 E/ E+ a) `' v> > raise.
) H" A9 W, D( b( n> >
/ ]7 Y, l, Y" |* j4 d> > Sick Days
& U! m; ~$ K/ o> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as: P/ N2 L6 Z2 |& v
> > proof of sickness.
0 d$ A/ G$ t/ E1 C> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" H- T6 N; B% @% t' n# B
> > to come to work.7 T$ v4 F  D# ]! e+ j
> >
* H5 w& I- D* b* j! p) M0 t. q5 q+ U2 y> > Holiday Days. w6 i) E- Y$ U. _' r
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a1 z7 F3 [5 a6 H; Z
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.2 w- R4 S: }5 Q) a. `7 n
> >. x- A- x! g7 o: {+ [
> > Compassionate Leave
, U3 d+ B# ~' |; Z* g> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 H* n/ Z( |. E% |8 J6 u
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 S# b+ X- u/ D) m
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" _) K/ c/ M6 C6 }+ W1 r4 c> > employees attend to the arrangements.* }% s$ W- m& N2 G
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ }; s* f4 z2 s7 d- R
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; i+ j$ ^, L0 |0 W" C! k, s6 P1 |
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work: @: i6 r! V2 k7 n) _+ U- X& A
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ f0 v  p4 F: d- }( d4 D  j> > hour early.
9 Q# W9 j! i: j6 @3 J> >1 r# t8 k5 T# n) m% ~
> > Toilet Use
6 r- @& y* Z6 S5 U1 }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the& A; @* k% N/ m& R; U8 S
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit$ Q& f' B. u+ c6 O0 X& N& y) F
> > in the cubicles.8 G( p# f/ s( I3 N
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. v. S' l, g& Q# c, u- J$ J: {> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 G: K0 b$ {# P- _
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.3 d* b0 z3 y5 U5 \$ x7 m4 ?
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 [' E2 W) Y3 V  m; _> > posted on the company notice board under the
. p" {& r9 i* m7 z& b> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" y3 |# _: f- _% z9 Z3 z; n> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be3 z3 i& a* y5 n4 T9 ^. O( _2 v+ h* w
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& {9 C% h( c' _6 q( q! c
> > policy.1 k# Q# @0 U1 C+ h
> >
3 u: V4 Z$ u" m5 _& o> > Lunch Break
4 h) ?: E' a- _> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
/ ]. G" H* O! \2 Y> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: z% n/ w5 j5 f$ x, I> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" d! ^/ o( k: T) F
> > maintain their average figure.  T8 {1 y* }/ g) g" Y6 Q2 o7 X; ^
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( M; @1 e3 b. n4 ?8 V
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.4 _4 Q( G' `: K0 d8 m0 K
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
8 D: f2 {( b/ n* Z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive5 Y8 k8 o. I0 A+ x+ ^
> > employment experience./ ]9 Y1 |2 M0 N6 B8 i
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,! `! {) @* R' D* W% v
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 p3 O% |/ U/ k* [2 l1 O: C) x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 N9 n( {# ^  E$ S3 |/ Q
> > directed elsewhere.