HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:, u" ]! c) z( E1 S
> >                     Effective January 2007
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, S" }/ [1 X6 ^* {# J# ]$ l. L> > Dress Code
2 k: a/ y5 A" [3 t8 ^4 a3 a5 H> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: s: O! z& Z# [7 B6 x) M: ^
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing. e7 c5 N3 K+ B& h# R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 S: \6 Q4 T! i8 B/ {
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 M7 L* Q' {' ~% E' S/ I5 r5 t
> > need a pay raise.
4 o& X+ U( E) P2 @9 y9 C> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage  n# d. X4 }# }+ {8 Z+ `
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, z/ K6 \0 x8 {> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise." T9 o3 m8 g4 l. {% G3 {
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
' Q  m  z: i2 V  [> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* k3 C, t, t" Q4 q, \> > raise.
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> > Sick Days7 i8 G1 p. `3 x  F- M2 f+ V
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
2 `) O, W; x* z3 K& n7 [  E# I> > proof of sickness.6 ?/ `8 W4 D5 U
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able% F8 a" ]" e4 Z4 o% S. {% X
> > to come to work.
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1 L! Z; V8 ^: n( O- q, R! Y5 x9 W> > Holiday Days+ q% M' ^* G+ ~7 F) ?* @
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  R6 v& U, e: ?
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. M" U! o( I% \1 ?/ c/ i, z
> >
8 X0 g! d5 g  \$ L5 W. I& v) Q: z1 Y> > Compassionate Leave
: W8 h, @. I- n- L> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing6 ^# Z& L' Z8 f' B0 w. j" B
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) _! Y) r# f. Y# j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-" V7 r9 P" ?1 r8 ~# i# s
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
6 N$ p! n7 F& I4 ]& s> > In rare cases where employee involvement is0 d3 Z+ d/ Z2 X
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; x+ S2 N$ L- L1 U7 d  v! ~5 h
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
% W6 J  X" \5 N& F' p6 g9 M6 a> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one' N2 C. p4 |  i1 r4 a
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use  V4 [2 \4 t% L' D+ }$ v
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ w% B' G% U+ b& t' P> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
, J4 q: E1 E" x9 ]$ x: y6 ]8 m> > in the cubicles.3 k2 z! B' W. l% @
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ Y0 {6 U" p' s
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; J! ~0 L: `' x+ ?. F+ {> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.  _( r( P2 Y6 p" y# J- r
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 O+ n/ k* s  D: e4 R
> > posted on the company notice board under the
+ J: x8 l) I6 ?5 a- Z+ _6 x> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 c8 J, Z* d! m0 d: S# Y: S
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 ?2 a( _2 i4 u( o& K6 t
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: m' m* a  v% U4 M! i- ]: g1 ^
> > policy.
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9 c( f. x3 e! h  g8 f- c. ]> > Lunch Break
; A# W5 u5 x* i1 p- @: l$ [> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they9 e- M) W' @' y& c# b3 W
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
- P8 ^2 s; Q& q9 E/ m/ G> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to6 c! p4 ]: z( m
> > maintain their average figure.
7 A+ J+ c+ ?. a9 d- h> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time. t+ m; k" p7 i+ }! B% \+ T! l
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! u( m: f- S- n- g: Q3 b+ E# [> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' P  i' o/ @8 J* g- R) f> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 p7 C, s( R2 V; {
> > employment experience.# c9 ]- K, H, ?- H8 _0 f
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( x( z% n* m  O1 l, A/ E
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' H4 D1 F6 D/ X& }
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
5 V3 p2 S* `- C2 }8 m> > directed elsewhere.