HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:4 `% m2 `% j! w4 q3 B  S# Z$ k
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code) r/ b- C, }( h  f) N' Q' N7 L
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 w# W7 g* G4 j  X
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
; C4 T; r& F6 o0 n8 b> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( q7 ]3 b) T; Y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
1 x, B9 R) A" O% I1 X$ Q, j> > need a pay raise.
) w# n+ L" F" j* J. f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage* j0 Y: ?8 K& |1 D; Y  t4 b  n
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 G6 J0 {& b* J) q- `7 B2 D
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% r/ m) u: t: L* Y9 y+ o7 d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you* Y3 ]2 {! o% o
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 B# P; |& {: |) V* B4 S) o> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
+ ]: s% t  Z% y0 W. \> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 c1 S- N3 K/ [' O5 b/ _> > proof of sickness.
* A/ z2 J) I4 R; D1 j> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
  M+ P* `+ m9 j; ]> > to come to work.2 J3 T8 D5 [5 b) i
> >1 A' I( e9 j& c
> > Holiday Days
3 L; @) s2 C9 R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& ?: f1 e9 F8 A& u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave. R+ [; T5 g2 V0 g2 {
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
8 i% C; A% Q# S. N( O> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-5 r9 U  _: l2 w9 h: a9 h  @
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
0 s5 ?+ v2 o6 Q/ T9 w! F- x: _> > employees attend to the arrangements./ \+ T( m: x2 M6 H
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" ]4 A& N/ j% a. f. E9 X0 {> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the5 M, `" e, a: ?5 k& ]
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! l: w1 k; q2 F! p> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 ?+ {2 X4 D6 |- z+ p: [) g> > hour early.5 h5 k3 @( }% z$ g' c  N
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> > Toilet Use
1 X" q* I/ f2 ~0 ?> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 E( r( h, p/ J% k) _& ]- ?> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ u" H6 \# M  K> > in the cubicles.' i9 n2 Z5 f+ K: Y
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
  W7 I  B: E# p, M' H# L3 h8 I> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
  x$ `$ i. t" a3 s; `% ^% X9 h6 G) E* E> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 p) L; o% m( ]6 w7 W5 v+ B  m( Q
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 k, Q8 e: b1 R& I3 }' {> > posted on the company notice board under the
  S4 O2 W0 A9 z) F  q2 h5 s> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( `- V/ ]6 H/ e1 b> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
$ m" G2 p: V  C0 k; \2 G> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 a; Z* v& H; o$ x) k> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break7 [) {4 ]+ i' d' L' c. l
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
; O, V, g$ B/ n) g> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 x$ {5 {. h, _1 {7 o1 R% L( q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
" V7 _/ L/ S. g1 E# o> > maintain their average figure.3 \5 \) K1 N3 ?+ T' m; c
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* _" Q( R9 P; [* ]> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
$ \$ ]1 i2 z! ?0 T, \' T! ?> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- \6 r8 p" Z! k: u8 K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive0 r( p4 {0 c: |* @0 F  S
> > employment experience.
, ~) z# E3 I6 Z> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
, T, X" S% l, q& m( j- Y% m  a> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
' s& H, }7 K, e2 K9 M# w1 `7 b> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be  ?# V' e  [  n3 V
> > directed elsewhere.