To all Employees:* \0 l, p% {" x: @% r/ G! |* A
> > Effective January 2007 3 W. M7 x* Y3 D% N) ~' |3 J> > 2 k" r. x O; I7 V o% D- _> > Dress Code: v$ j8 t/ u' `9 T2 q& Q9 C4 q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed8 Y& e( H. |* U8 [# @0 m
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing ( q& s$ ^7 Y. f1 a* I. V> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 8 b' e: k0 w" y> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not Q8 x* Z! m9 K" K( V# N
> > need a pay raise. 0 q- y' m. Z+ O> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage ( O1 h$ ?' @# I8 q5 {> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 B) Q5 E% H2 [8 \6 R: n
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 G9 [) y' k. @1 N9 U
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you% ~% Z7 k, B+ {; K, u9 `
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ! C _ y a- x3 G$ M* D> > raise. + I5 k' O& E5 Y* U! T* ]7 ~1 K9 p> >1 s9 x# A" S5 b9 _! q
> > Sick Days - X5 t7 ~( |, I6 _> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as 0 V& E) R3 B" G4 T> > proof of sickness. + N* _; b% r8 f1 g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able - A6 U" Y/ E9 a& ?> > to come to work. 9 {" i& {1 x7 N' b A5 O> >. q1 `# M! o) B4 p8 S3 \
> > Holiday Days3 e8 n! Z- K0 f# a" Q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 5 h: j- j" L; i4 d( ^/ s3 m> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.' i U; Q) M+ a0 o2 ]: c
> >' B. p3 o9 d8 f% _' F6 g2 s3 ^
> > Compassionate Leave# U& R8 Q+ S" k r p4 ]4 f
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing " Y, Q) z% j: k) C9 I' z& j2 L> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-) M# y1 ^8 b$ E$ {4 ]
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- ) ]+ w6 Y" N( {4 f! K4 e: {> > employees attend to the arrangements. & H* L) ~8 L: T5 K8 ^> > In rare cases where employee involvement is3 l) j/ p9 C2 N8 U9 s
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 0 {/ t, \) q) b2 [4 O$ Q> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work' l& }6 a) I5 b. I
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 8 \( y+ Y0 \# n7 Y& E> > hour early.3 Z; B( s( _/ l5 |" p
> > # r$ U# f: _$ y4 }7 ?> > Toilet Use 9 Z! S" d2 ^! L v> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 M% z# N# [7 B7 p
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 1 Z# L) b! }, F/ z- ]> > in the cubicles. 6 n( Z5 B- F1 G7 ?8 r> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% l' ^- }. P3 i9 s0 u
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle % Y/ e7 I' ?/ R9 Y2 X5 q, I> > door will open, and your picture will be taken./ t7 q9 V0 R+ y3 n" u
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 P- X6 u: _7 U& C2 X
> > posted on the company notice board under the 5 h' v' `. K' q# N% i# l> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 Y9 X# [ g+ } z5 ]; W
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be 6 x! F9 V, C& e5 A/ k> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 2 V& ^0 |$ [6 u4 b4 ^> > policy. : I( Z1 l" c) ]> > - L0 u! J K$ }( x> > Lunch Break* `$ {1 @7 h1 ?" | n3 U
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 _* U' l& G- W" o* A$ P
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. , Z+ ? u% I, L) A4 k9 w5 p> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 7 m* r( v" ?4 _7 A6 e$ k5 [> > maintain their average figure.+ C' E7 [* S- j
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 Y3 ?4 P0 a# I8 l V/ g2 [( z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; J$ \8 j4 l6 X' `8 ^) ~
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are/ _6 R& T( w- g/ h% h1 ~
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive# ^& S) A$ j4 K" R
> > employment experience. 9 z0 m' |% C8 f: Y( U6 z6 [> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,4 R$ d" e7 b- |6 z6 |( P
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 a" ^+ w9 |3 Z& V9 e
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 l4 ] ^) o1 A3 j4 `; L4 R
> > directed elsewhere.
