To all Employees:$ j% \ z. B( ^. Z0 n
> > Effective January 2007 5 E2 r0 J# s9 u* a9 i" u4 [> >3 [+ d( \& f2 \* x" n1 k
> > Dress Code" Y, a6 J& r) S+ j# N8 N. j& c, w {
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed # ^; o, R; N4 L> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 _/ t V6 \! @7 f7 \/ T! C$ D+ z6 V
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume, }% E- F1 J3 q0 p
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 H/ u5 Q& h/ D0 ]
> > need a pay raise.+ u- B) N& \: o3 E
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 0 S, g8 Z. a8 D+ q/ a: G> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer' g/ C4 Z- U' N0 A( Y9 e% v
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% R7 ^, Y+ c* z( j! z
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. y9 q. \$ G( b
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ! b; E }& q7 ?: j6 W4 g! U% N> > raise.0 g# r, \8 l- i; c. T+ x' R* _
> > ( g% S! o- D! I7 u> > Sick Days* f. J3 W' y6 l$ t$ u3 N
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as! k/ E0 Z. o# O, a. n/ R0 _# \2 h2 h
> > proof of sickness.% ?( T% S; Z' M2 D6 O3 Z( [
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able $ W# {; l' S8 x Q1 z6 _> > to come to work./ q/ Y0 a) n& O' W7 ]: c
> > 6 a P( Y2 w6 Y# |% h/ t! R5 i+ c7 }" L> > Holiday Days , ]. G- D; |, \! y2 F4 S- \! }% f Q+ S> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a 0 c- @0 `; Q& K X1 f- M! [+ @> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. 1 L0 \ `$ n8 @: n> >( z6 V) X8 ~( U3 M" q
> > Compassionate Leave - i$ Z' ~+ T8 w& I) J( i( a" |> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 A& a+ E) s) O3 a+ P6 |
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co- # N, w9 Z- J1 x) J; ~3 L> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-' y. ~/ k5 I2 q. M
> > employees attend to the arrangements. ) w0 N& @1 p ]2 X o: ~> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! G- |/ H0 f* r2 e `- t I
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ K; b9 T. S6 j1 k: E9 y- P
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! w4 `* O0 [6 y$ |
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 7 m6 W l* O4 w* J+ E# |7 ^> > hour early. 7 Z8 ]" \$ C. ^1 P, e3 L4 _> > : X5 i9 T! j; Y- a( W5 L> > Toilet Use2 L- L- C% c. v# w- }9 ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the & K# a+ v/ k% X$ h3 t& N> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit 3 g0 m1 A: S8 E; `0 G5 ?# F> > in the cubicles.: O* H. p: I4 P2 m$ V
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will+ K P* E" Q/ P {
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle . n& p& J' O- I j. b3 l) L8 ?> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 3 r/ p" B. p6 K* f6 A, B> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be% n( |; v' I6 o) o/ q
> > posted on the company notice board under the# V( ?; X/ A7 c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.* k$ x! r+ g& h- M3 ]) A
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 |' ]% O' ]0 M
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health* S5 J/ y3 X4 p K
> > policy. , z M8 d" g7 }, }> >) F( ^* e% t: d3 M' x/ V( E: Q3 ?9 W
> > Lunch Break 3 C: k3 `7 a" N3 D) F> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they- O; ~6 M3 Z1 Z1 F0 X2 Y
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! w: W1 h* d& k3 [2 v' ?/ P; E
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to$ v6 E0 c+ s; g' ], E# o5 O4 f
> > maintain their average figure. 2 G/ n+ v& q" `) g; B> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time $ t. U. `. z8 L> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. # T; O; C p4 H {9 `% @> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are l4 Q( O- `3 h% a> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 _0 h% m6 X: N y4 X
> > employment experience. % } n+ z) z) w. I! P2 Y1 p1 i> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, B( W' T5 m$ T7 @4 I
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, - ~+ ?- n! ~2 i' Z2 I/ r> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 ]& O: w/ k/ J& ^5 j! W
> > directed elsewhere.
