To all Employees:/ s% o' Q3 `) I; o" B, U
> > Effective January 2007 4 U0 m; y% M( }5 l> > ' Q* O" P, ~; i% A' Q: o* |> > Dress Code 5 S- u, P% W7 a1 ^> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed $ U {' V3 m! ]$ o& g> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing- Y% O$ k' U) \
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume5 I) M; N& ~' E3 g* Y
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not ! c1 F0 L! b( V% `8 m> > need a pay raise.( N$ v# P+ S1 {& J, `" G1 u }
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage 2 O6 h& H* N- z" C9 ^8 }> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer& R6 g/ {& d8 o- L9 Z9 {
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.& y7 l9 x* v$ B: B# J: r) y/ |
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you$ i! h- X' o# L" w0 [) _- f
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay ( f! x! g" N) C; p: L l> > raise. 5 q& f+ ]% d) U7 G6 S5 L: h> > ) k" J1 n6 G: x> > Sick Days $ H; O. K; R1 W* b4 B> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as* ] C- @# c+ G( i/ Y" w
> > proof of sickness.1 F& d+ J; M+ D# r6 }9 T
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 ?4 ^$ W8 H# U. e
> > to come to work. 0 q% U6 j2 \. ~- u) D/ O> >& t% p* }- r' K! H, J" X1 Y9 ]
> > Holiday Days" ^7 r, L. f5 \
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a . @, w" a6 e2 y1 P> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.: Z2 w$ S T" u
> > Y+ |& {! u6 P> > Compassionate Leave1 o0 i; p& G& K3 m% p1 r
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 C: [3 O" i& K1 S8 j$ e
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-* a c+ ?" n- i8 |" F8 U) R
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- X2 _% Y, ?# O2 C# {$ h' e) F" w> > employees attend to the arrangements. - y5 j) k* j$ |5 |+ z$ L> > In rare cases where employee involvement is 7 g5 q: [( |( }6 m* i0 Y> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the 7 {; g6 G( c$ q% `* l> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work( G4 W& Z! K/ y2 A0 D: B% j* {% m
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 4 i/ C x' c- d1 _. N( j3 k* [$ A- v" U> > hour early. ' v6 \7 g7 A h2 H/ w! c. o> >0 S) O7 A1 |5 `/ @1 Y
> > Toilet Use 9 a; @$ A! y+ p/ ^# y7 ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the - S$ A1 K" O5 H: w% |0 b> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit ' b8 w" B7 J7 A( Z3 Q4 u* b> > in the cubicles. & D0 w2 V/ Y' E8 t6 c+ ^6 h* S> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will E9 o" p3 U2 |9 e; F1 L) \# e5 o
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle 9 H# ]: j* ~& X- B> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 2 K, j' c) K" [1 J> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be # I' t+ |. I, g0 l; |) U! G> > posted on the company notice board under the 0 I& ?' r. H, v# V( |, s: `> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. {* E) m# c" i
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be , c+ T9 I3 w; W4 J. p; c; N> > sanctioned under the company's mental health& k8 T) N8 x' O; j% l. y
> > policy.5 o$ C! _ G! [7 A Y
> > * z# q9 U4 ]% [+ e9 [/ y; o' ^) T> > Lunch Break) I6 j2 o+ b2 [+ b7 W3 i8 [4 U4 d
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they * s; i! m" g% |$ \1 |> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy." f+ [) [0 w( h( @* y5 G6 [
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" Y2 J) f# _. Y1 d4 B
> > maintain their average figure. 6 Q a( W* ~9 ~% H B3 j' i, \> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time' l V: V( L. r( A1 H
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.5 y+ E" y) E. m( D, V- O
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are y* A) k Q6 S" G: |
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive [; R/ F! Z5 @; M
> > employment experience.0 `+ p4 k1 [: x) w2 h+ p! v
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 7 _4 ^ B! R- C- b* r5 V> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 3 S6 ?" p# q3 L5 O- ?, _> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be ! T8 M0 d8 j& Y5 l4 [> > directed elsewhere.
