HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:2 U9 @6 M" H1 Q; b, L6 r
> >                     Effective January 20075 U! w# J/ A/ b% u: l! I9 Z5 x8 q
> >
5 @- q, O0 L7 l> > Dress Code- ?! }0 i& f' F+ g
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
! d! {3 L2 J! m# \1 k8 \+ F> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
/ c9 u  n; c. q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
. K$ L8 E; e4 s! R% x> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not5 D4 ?* N% g* M7 E' L5 F$ U
> > need a pay raise.* P0 p7 S5 Z" S
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage+ y1 l6 u$ j, @4 W0 ?+ ~' D
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
- a" T  `$ l. n# h4 Q; P> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
+ }  Y* `" V. o# P' m> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
0 F  ^' n2 H& u/ g/ [> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 R0 D- |, d6 }3 ?& j! L" g
> > raise.
/ j$ Z0 m3 Y: Z> >
, m: K. p' _# c) E9 G, B4 S> > Sick Days+ k/ Y/ }) v8 \9 G; K- }! r
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" I( r. c& ^: y" P7 R# d> > proof of sickness.
; ^& a6 Q' B3 G> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- [! z! L/ s3 e' U8 t' A> > to come to work.
& k% A8 v# m2 W$ d% Y. f> >% [9 Q, a, u5 c6 @7 R3 p
> > Holiday Days" s- ^$ ]/ p4 A" a
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
; E% B# F( c% ?4 h( H( O  m> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
$ Z- e/ K3 n: D1 C9 Q7 r> >
( M% t4 x+ e2 O- E/ |) h9 ?> > Compassionate Leave& r% p2 I  B$ E/ g8 e6 \
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) _: K9 [# h" Q# w> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-# n  ?) t. E) U: b* ~# {$ p
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
* g7 Q. |2 t; D. J0 ^> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 E( i" H4 B$ [& D1 V- ?: h; S: l3 k
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( X, a( m& s( A0 c# ]> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% ]7 Q6 [8 F6 w2 L5 b. q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work. H: u+ \5 T( T% P
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* L- B6 f. _6 N2 A! b' F& v> > hour early.1 d$ g! }$ S, |
> >( F7 b  a& L" D+ U+ x/ S$ _+ Z
> > Toilet Use
0 r2 A+ U% M6 k, a1 s: t> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
% r2 Q% s, m9 ^6 ^: F% z. D  y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) C! O+ }; n, s5 C
> > in the cubicles.
4 R/ F, \& G9 E/ q> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will4 p0 E/ ~' ~& f
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
) Y* Q/ F+ L$ I( `> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
8 V2 {; ~, a. q8 l0 D> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be7 S6 X" j% Z% S4 P- L* s
> > posted on the company notice board under the. b6 [. _# t8 R  O
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
& O1 w4 R  J3 C. t3 I4 N8 s> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 Z& c, R" I" M/ V: v+ _& }1 X9 e/ H9 r
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
; |9 m6 X  J( A& J3 ?3 z' r* ]> > policy.
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1 w+ y7 `: h" z0 i3 E' C2 C% R: E> > Lunch Break, l: H, h* ~  d$ o  [7 o" _) ^
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& F: I+ F4 J- r, G> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
: D% [- h' O# v' P  q1 f> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to* i& [- l+ N, w. B
> > maintain their average figure.
( R6 F$ j. w5 g: S9 |5 P0 A! m7 I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( o8 s& R$ ^. E
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
8 D. @  V) E; s: u! P: t) \> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
* h! @: b& M9 p2 A5 w0 T( q; s+ M, d> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 u+ n8 B; d3 I3 \2 U% j
> > employment experience.
+ H. Y3 o/ ]1 b6 Y> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 @) \1 U# J8 b2 l/ S4 H! A* }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& P7 i4 ^6 P# {
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 G5 N1 R% u1 Y
> > directed elsewhere.