HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:$ U9 b2 }6 {) b9 E4 J% W
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
, S8 v5 y1 W. P  f0 A> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed5 T% Q! P" _& N1 S2 |% j% D
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing! V$ T. c6 |' r( j. `* ^, [
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 h, A6 F( l# w
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not# K! G& t4 P4 U7 ^, s9 ^
> > need a pay raise.
3 q" \0 W1 t& k> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' I6 V# }3 p0 V  m
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer# D5 W  ^9 A+ n& A, Q( w8 I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 D1 _1 b. W) J0 }! G6 y> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; t7 ~& G' N0 y4 p> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay# }- v. e* p  e; L6 q1 ?* @
> > raise.
, ]- V* k7 m$ Z" }> >
- Q; l0 U8 c  }( r: n/ u> > Sick Days0 U2 n" o% k4 n* A5 l: \" v
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# F% W  ^1 x) R; `
> > proof of sickness.8 U4 w. o5 h: \
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
6 X2 n4 y$ [) b+ _' y> > to come to work.0 |5 m4 N% n2 c4 G6 l
> >
0 t3 M( X" |5 V& S% T> > Holiday Days
8 B) h' T( E% K% b6 a> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  j2 h% u/ [# e& x* V: s
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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* X' g( r3 G4 v! j& r' }> > Compassionate Leave9 r, }6 `) Y. y2 ]3 Y
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing2 }+ i5 h4 N$ Y4 Q2 {
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
  n" m* N0 Y+ U> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 b7 h5 y1 K$ J> > employees attend to the arrangements." f6 T# }( B( [1 Y) y+ U8 a! S: h
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 d2 J  C9 M/ Q1 P0 c' ~
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the+ @3 }+ g; @/ T( k  @
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* p3 {7 y: Q- U( \6 E& \
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 H2 W% q+ {; @6 e6 b> > hour early.+ U2 M# G6 @; E4 ?# @
> >  G4 ~- S- _. g& b0 C) B, x
> > Toilet Use, N# D5 y* a( d: l# n
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
  [6 I. ]( v5 F* Z* D3 j> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit) a% v  s4 p1 H- p; h" k
> > in the cubicles.
2 P( `' T6 w% w/ G' d, W" K> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will  c2 ~' ^. @3 i; r$ z6 W, q
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle" @9 ?5 W0 T% z" ]' u
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
" E7 P  J2 i8 @( h. H* u> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 u# y. X# d+ R) v- M
> > posted on the company notice board under the
) b+ p, u" |: p$ s; j/ |5 Y> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. u5 p8 Q& E/ T2 s
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
3 C& ^- g5 T( {> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 A" S( K9 A( i
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
& m, ~, B2 s. ^; O0 I> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
( g6 ~; Q% |& y; m+ h> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- N3 f! o1 o$ d+ g+ q' F
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to' t' [9 a, b2 V3 u' J) I
> > maintain their average figure.9 x5 ~) N% C0 W# g% b0 i
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
) ^! l! r+ m0 K, x5 x> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
0 _, O0 e8 b7 c1 V> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are- E+ }3 N  ?; d4 h( L: E
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; M! o! q5 x$ r7 P> > employment experience.: E( G8 Q! o0 d: V+ Q; D5 h
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
; C, [! v- W9 ?; U& J8 o> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
& i2 x3 W( ~  o6 Z) a> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: d7 @* ~) n! N2 Z- f
> > directed elsewhere.