HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ r& \) R5 H3 Z4 G; u7 ^> >                     Effective January 2007" C  R' z  o& K. d2 e
> >1 H5 A' C0 Q+ ~; ?* m
> > Dress Code
4 `2 v+ `$ u. h- ^4 y$ ?> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed- B& i* y8 i% D0 g& e1 Q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, f* g2 D: u( a2 x$ q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume% j: L+ `! L$ F3 D; w' u. e
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# \: `' J! q1 M. R9 H6 f> > need a pay raise.8 `6 R1 |. p, K+ L1 Y- z; E
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage5 t6 |- k8 F  c
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 n: `( T( e) G8 [$ Z$ l
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
4 T7 B" N8 d3 J) T# _. m> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you. }: q; j4 \5 U
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay6 q; @4 R& N3 _" _  ~( r
> > raise.
. R7 c4 H  w, I( v! P> >
. y! Y* x$ S' v- K> > Sick Days
  {3 b! Y& q$ d. o2 }- J, i+ B> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as- A) Q* ~4 {6 s5 n- u
> > proof of sickness.3 L7 ^; n  i6 H( ^9 f
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able7 Z3 `( ]- D6 N2 l2 x) C
> > to come to work.# {- G* G3 w' ^6 J
> >% L3 o/ h8 y( A( x: r& H' G! D8 T& q
> > Holiday Days* |. \9 ]5 p: g( L2 E* p. _( f
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a3 l( O( f6 g( H
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
% B' \2 R( j; T& {0 T> >
, K9 q& A/ _$ B* t' a7 R> > Compassionate Leave  k" j; Q% Z% j. o* u
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
: |; t9 W6 M3 t: G' t4 Y/ u8 W> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-3 D: D! `0 m, ]4 v& S4 Z6 K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-% }- u4 k/ o2 E# N, Q1 s# [
> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ h( B, \- [& c" `6 _# V
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( A' f. J0 X, Z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the4 A" t# \) q# i2 p! {1 Q
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work* Z  X! H' J+ ^8 e2 X+ K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
1 l: p; |& g1 d3 o> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
8 J' Q. i! f, t( |> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' {8 m$ ^* Y& q> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ N& [& e7 A% F/ Z3 s7 y7 w. |
> > in the cubicles./ Y9 L1 L( W) X' m
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will7 W: Z+ K; k' O2 ?$ t: \' ]  @
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% T8 Q, T6 e2 ?# C0 t8 Q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
5 W% k( m% r$ `  h$ p2 k> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 B0 L$ E, [: y9 f9 G> > posted on the company notice board under the
, |; P1 q3 n3 G, P. B; m  P/ v9 f> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
+ @3 s5 y4 ^4 `+ f5 e0 ^$ \> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- z9 C( m  {; m/ d% v
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health8 N+ m9 t7 k' l1 c* N* v9 T
> > policy.
) Q# w+ l% T$ t& d> >
+ L9 _7 e! G3 g. u- j# j& V> > Lunch Break
& {" j. T+ Q  l, ]& e$ p+ b' T/ [3 E> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 o. Q/ q4 Z* r0 E9 E3 w> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
# e9 x. f) x- i* p6 E6 O) L> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to! y% Y) ~9 I! a% K
> > maintain their average figure.# N- }9 k/ T9 ^$ m: w$ H
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
$ f, ?' o" U9 x4 h0 q: n> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- q! H! }7 }3 `- Q6 Y& {2 ?( Q( A1 ?5 h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are! u' L! w. ]) p% Z# p. I9 b7 _
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# Z& }. u) C8 q  D8 v; J> > employment experience.* _) ]- Q3 N, G+ `8 K4 W) C' z1 e
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  d/ m6 N8 y( S> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% y. t% e7 S( P, ~- a4 N> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
8 O# M& `- k: `6 ]- J> > directed elsewhere.