HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
5 x% R; ^6 q" _! v6 M> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
$ {0 N. D& ]& ]* O  E/ l# t> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. W* O% O) ?8 p/ K: K
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) e9 U# E/ n$ L- P0 B
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume1 ~; p$ B4 E% ^, s
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not" J- S. T$ Z4 K/ U
> > need a pay raise.
$ W0 ~' H  A6 L) ?# k6 V> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
: a% J! l- d4 r> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ ]$ K4 J# q) ]" O
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% j4 L% q2 U# ~; i2 c> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 k$ f- m) A& p! f0 l3 b+ x
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
! j( L* H  Z& F! `> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
, B  E# B/ Q+ Y" \2 }> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
: c( b- T7 r2 M9 o3 `> > proof of sickness.
2 s2 C. m: Y6 ]6 ~> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
+ ^. x* M, }' r* q5 X" }7 m. g; [. m> > to come to work.
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, `. K, n" C% G1 t> > Holiday Days
* w6 j% y9 d& J2 S> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a! a  k6 Q- S+ m' n" \1 [1 ]
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" T, ^+ M) Y' ~4 B9 L1 ~> >
$ B* ~: b$ z+ U3 Y> > Compassionate Leave% P! m# y2 a4 i3 _& S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
3 v+ N3 m8 W; _1 `8 y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 x% q, [' r1 w/ F2 q) a> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-. l9 D4 s% P/ e8 v! |4 E3 E
> > employees attend to the arrangements.% J/ L9 _4 V& `# j7 o
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is( B0 h# C5 J& I( X( G+ `- l
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
1 T  v9 g* N6 F: I+ x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; B% K7 O! y" q- L' A% C
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 Q0 Z( F( ^+ r: h& g. ^, Z> > hour early.$ H' E# J! P. v6 g
> >" B! W8 R/ \0 i' v, P  R
> > Toilet Use6 N# n+ _7 t6 m. l
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the# i( K! _9 w( I2 Q: |- M# a3 Q" [
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
  E, t/ \, d9 ?- v; w> > in the cubicles.
, u3 S' ?4 |; J) T2 R- s! v> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" G  h/ T1 F9 `+ t
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle2 ~5 P& V8 i5 e
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
; ^# w! H: T; B3 M* Y" U; m; G> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 l: y+ I+ M5 t  r/ T
> > posted on the company notice board under the
0 O* A8 r7 _6 U) ]) F> > "Chronic Offenders" category.5 |9 d) T4 H8 |: L! D" N. e
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 n% f* O! @/ K> > sanctioned under the company's mental health$ Z( ]2 T! R9 U
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
9 u/ s3 q9 \; N8 z1 K2 N1 {> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they, R8 A+ n" L/ B: o4 u
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.: V5 @- ^' t8 Z) {; T. D- B: A
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ d0 J% h" J  y6 \2 D! K0 h3 _> > maintain their average figure.
- J0 X' M1 C$ Z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& ?+ {9 R# S( K% p( k
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
: s4 h; @$ b+ W) i  N! y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 z$ f4 i! J$ j% n( A, k% [> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 j$ i3 ^9 ]! Z5 J/ ]0 \> > employment experience.
( a7 M- @3 r, e# h  I. A> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# s7 i4 _" |4 ?' e% z" D
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% ]) R+ `% h1 F> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be* H5 A& R& g9 F$ Q
> > directed elsewhere.