HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
+ l! S1 v; L$ R' C> >                     Effective January 20070 _/ m6 C9 A: P
> >7 X6 R: C5 ]* n( u9 |  v
> > Dress Code  N" S/ u  j; e; ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed0 B8 M. T3 F- f. @; x
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
* m3 x" y7 I6 R> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( b  K3 G' A4 i8 C& U: |# K# j3 \
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ L7 Y4 S. V, [, e0 K
> > need a pay raise.9 T3 }6 }3 S# B+ r
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
1 ^' ]% i5 Q5 t9 e# Y9 Q% O+ l  h# T; T> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
  C7 K8 ]& [$ T- E, R( s) H> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.; @+ y+ [9 E+ `' T8 Z/ Q. o0 G2 \/ U
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 E' w) U! `( I. i7 {
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay9 u$ u1 u7 \5 E; O. Y% S# |
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
% p! z$ t# ]) c> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
# R8 ~8 T# t. X9 y  x$ g2 z) @> > proof of sickness.3 G3 y- I: ?. ?$ }
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able1 N1 B7 o8 r+ }0 A
> > to come to work.9 L( J- X& E0 ^( i6 ~
> >7 J& F% V* D+ Z+ {
> > Holiday Days
- Q% j2 S# e6 r! G8 S6 k2 B( i> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: Q2 P+ U6 A9 p% e0 B; r+ A> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
: B% R8 A. {* ~6 K; n# ?7 [> >, _5 F- c) o/ Y/ {
> > Compassionate Leave
( l2 v2 s6 Z' Z0 q% O; V! y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
1 \5 Y) [' j8 C" g> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
, ]  ?+ s& E4 A1 Z( A4 H: h; @( c> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
# Z2 Y3 P2 s; {: j> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% l9 s, c. k- O6 v3 l> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
5 e1 S' \# w- P5 S3 z> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
2 u  Q6 \1 R2 x: n. C2 `# F) ^8 N> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 i2 G" V; k6 G; b+ {& e. o" R/ y2 \5 H- H
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one; y  f! Q- p+ l" t4 c- e" k7 b* t
> > hour early.
# r! Q+ D$ ~, C7 J! f> >
. }3 k, L. g2 P6 ?) ~; Z7 [. q9 K# |> > Toilet Use& d+ o6 }, j: |
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
5 U/ C0 A- u5 q  Q* H5 T& L> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
2 f9 J6 r( |: D( `9 V- j* o> > in the cubicles.
: H" ?/ Q+ t' ?$ S4 T> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will' ?" p2 n  W5 `1 ^4 a: u3 i
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ {1 }4 p: j, o; M* W0 i; s8 O' C
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
# }2 C' x& j" I7 k> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
% ^+ Z, D3 A- d! }> > posted on the company notice board under the# n: A6 G& S/ w& Z
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
9 A$ C" C" q% J" Z5 _> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
& A+ O/ ~; [, H1 K> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
+ |4 {& v0 ^( E2 C2 J> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break' l: a' x/ `, l. c+ Q3 [
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they' k- I8 V/ D' `0 D5 d* f0 ~
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
4 K0 O& Y' _) U( o% t> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, v! L; K- y8 m8 ^0 q' H
> > maintain their average figure.7 T! ]) Y+ `& t8 _3 ?2 W- X
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time4 O4 t: u- r+ _% J
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 l9 f5 X" C7 Z: E& p0 W! m> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
3 @5 \5 T% k* U" K> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive6 }, T* m' h& ?
> > employment experience.
& F- |! T2 T( ~& N: v, e/ e4 A- j> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,% L" w  ~0 x5 x4 M" P9 s
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
8 E& R, |  x2 Q1 a1 ~9 t> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
# }( B' K8 b( y5 P% v> > directed elsewhere.