HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 ?7 A% d) G1 r> >                     Effective January 2007, v' k' Y6 p& a* [8 a4 W
> >! [2 h8 B$ V; Y9 S6 |; }: d
> > Dress Code
, g& Z* Q8 f8 L# \0 j0 P+ u> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed; Q$ P0 _& y3 u& }" W
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing3 j( R/ K$ b" }8 C
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
6 k5 I6 \: S) O+ G! B; L% y3 @> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not* M* B6 L. s2 c# i4 V, k- h
> > need a pay raise.- h8 T+ G( E. h$ g1 E% V4 h7 F2 H5 i
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- W8 w  Y" q: x9 n9 Q6 S3 _6 O
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer, y; o6 r0 u  }3 ]$ ^
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.. m- N: ~9 q/ s5 C4 y( u9 |
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
, t: x# e9 u0 O( Y" q, {> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 v: D5 E$ x6 d, v- V
> > raise.1 g' G+ v0 ?0 V3 j
> >: H3 H# G% [; j2 J3 d
> > Sick Days0 g: o" m1 E; Y# Y/ A/ W% A
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as; B4 m& g* Z6 Y' r
> > proof of sickness.  q7 i' A5 g1 o( J
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
% D. j' Y( Z; g8 t> > to come to work.+ `9 |6 H( k; ~" t
> >  r; ^/ F, J9 Z# e0 l, I0 G$ M" P
> > Holiday Days
- ^" P' _9 ~: p7 _, X0 w( _% N6 k' }> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 P( R8 E7 D" h  x> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.6 n3 {8 Y9 b. K4 w3 [; I
> >
5 x$ M1 f  U! V( ~> > Compassionate Leave. W. n% }" _& K" D8 }5 w' F
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ o2 k  C' X% o+ b; ~/ w* n5 [5 w- A> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-! S$ e# h) o- T( E1 A  p
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& _6 b* H9 \( V  X$ ^
> > employees attend to the arrangements.8 c8 ?; Q& V# D! N! K3 t- e3 a
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, W4 x, k, m0 W. B
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% [. s- z; E& U& T/ l
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( N; W/ J7 r' N$ h9 Q8 D6 A> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ c7 ^" w7 j2 U( d- t> > hour early.
; d' Q# M( X8 a& |5 o$ @# k> >
* h5 H. j; \( h2 o! ?+ n7 u* H> > Toilet Use, A" o0 V: z* D# |* q
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* {: A4 V# K. |% S( I6 t9 @2 }; x2 Y
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit: L4 H6 B$ ]3 K1 X4 [
> > in the cubicles.
% z6 S+ L$ Y. c( C> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will4 _; t  K4 e' O
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle0 \; d8 E* B+ g- N1 \" ^1 r; ^
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
. A  s1 R- {! d> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be: M8 ]( ?( H& J% F! u+ K
> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 E8 D* Q. |- }" E& I> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- y( ]4 _3 e0 y, {2 U' T
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be4 x  Y4 ?/ c9 A6 x
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 a( s2 F, b8 g> > policy./ O( H3 S6 A4 E1 f; S
> >
2 _( T  ~& x( P3 N> > Lunch Break
- i; D, R6 j! G0 ~( E> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
0 Y3 m! Z0 K6 u1 h$ ^* ~9 ]> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.4 L. r0 g( x  I- g) I$ h: E" i
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
; \$ O2 V- o2 G) N4 ~> > maintain their average figure.0 _  }) p+ A; U
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
; d; G# a3 G3 H& |5 H8 F> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.- r8 H9 e, b, q. t  ~; m5 |
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are+ D3 L7 k; [( Q2 M" N+ Y5 z4 I# {
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive+ {/ `% V/ c3 k! B9 W3 L; N# R% d
> > employment experience.- l! w* E9 G. g: [+ w7 s, I) u
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," S1 |. I# W& N, ~/ |& F9 n' Q' _
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
, s* L/ Y0 Z# u" S> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 v6 ^. p! [7 B0 E6 |' o$ t) R9 G
> > directed elsewhere.