HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:( c' D9 v$ L& j) g# Y) _
> >                     Effective January 2007+ P, Q4 g0 E4 Z# ]3 J0 Y+ v1 Z
> >
/ M+ @9 \6 M( X' t/ K> > Dress Code: d' E" Q9 D( E1 Y
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
0 l& Y' ~  {# j2 d> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 D1 T; T0 s! A+ d
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( T8 `- ^9 C% K- M  t" Z* |
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 o" K3 ]( Y- `: p. N- p
> > need a pay raise.
% @* N8 g4 x4 W, E8 u) E) m! w) z> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ O) e  U9 E7 k; |1 H6 f0 w; z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% A! B1 Q6 `8 E> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
0 L5 a8 F  F6 n3 M/ N/ w+ F) K8 W> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 F3 S# v# `1 Y* X# n. c  L  s( j> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* P9 e6 v# _0 g3 K; Q% _( W> > raise.
, [7 i9 |: A5 m9 A* X> >5 H( c4 c* c' Y
> > Sick Days
( [8 {; N- E0 E# }5 @3 J$ h> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ n* d3 Y% ]7 N- `  }
> > proof of sickness.  a# s: b( N6 U! {1 Z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able2 h( c# Q: h- o& @+ [7 i! N
> > to come to work.
/ Z# w' s/ C$ w" A" D5 E> >
2 M: ]% L8 q  h* l8 z, N! |> > Holiday Days
9 W; j+ o" I5 ?0 m4 p, Q2 V! L> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a; j4 o; A# Y& b8 n& W5 `
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
% w" ?5 Y+ M* y! m9 s> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) g0 {" m2 D' c> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-0 O" t$ j. C9 j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-: J) G+ p' a3 u4 \6 R
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
% D, q  l$ _) s+ b3 o> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) H8 n, P# ?! W- _
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the2 q+ H$ M- x) t( e, j  |
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work6 a4 H4 @4 S3 Q( ]* B( i1 v/ R
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
, g6 S- Y; G  j! X$ {6 I> > hour early.- e4 X  c# S' A$ S3 Q1 p) L
> >
( D. F& w( d7 }. f9 z+ o> > Toilet Use
$ }2 ?. I) ~- u3 M> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 z" u  C7 W$ }% d: c3 D
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- C! G5 _: c2 X4 X  a9 i. b
> > in the cubicles.
( R6 p2 J! O( [5 G1 ?> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 ^( E1 x+ L5 a. F
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
2 B4 X* S) H2 ]+ D8 p> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  c! S. p$ Q* W" s8 j6 F: c> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
; C# f: b2 H. d1 c( e5 I> > posted on the company notice board under the
2 ?, P9 M0 O1 x4 |2 z  z5 b# W> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
7 o9 Y" L) ~7 F& m* q: o> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 V5 d* b' p3 ?* R
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health9 M# h. w. s8 T
> > policy.
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1 h6 {0 o; o0 T" n4 E> > Lunch Break
, P& m0 Q' ~% f- f8 i+ T6 r) r> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
' p! j! D& D/ Q5 J- q+ h> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 g. n- r5 @) Z4 J# ?' E" p
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& n& G7 K& u! v4 P
> > maintain their average figure.
0 \$ m7 O0 D  n* ~> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time( o5 d- O) m0 @7 g: l
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.0 Y3 o9 y! G8 K+ [: ?4 z
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
, Z6 A# F& t! R2 F1 ]0 ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; k! g1 N- z: V# T# p& t7 a> > employment experience.9 N4 _! g( D- Q* q$ ]* F9 ^# z, z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,# q3 Y) l! W6 e/ I( H
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,8 O  D5 i* a# y" D8 C7 Y+ k- s
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be5 z3 n0 ~- m2 @1 c$ J0 q
> > directed elsewhere.