HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* C9 l- }7 \8 j6 R6 u4 m
> >                     Effective January 2007
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) p3 [/ J6 T7 x7 X> > Dress Code
. w' E; W  v) h5 V8 x: z: ^: i> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed9 t. c8 C# @( M  B/ s- \
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' P4 G: k' a" Y& x% B: y> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 x+ h# D- M; G; N> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
' j' j2 G; F' a2 @3 \+ N, U> > need a pay raise.4 w/ m; L5 h' a
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage$ b) G! s: s  V5 f" C8 N+ Y
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 F( b2 L( d7 w4 j0 E0 w> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( ?) _& l3 Z# r* M/ }8 l> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
1 B' G( [5 i% g> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay  I( Q: Z, E; |9 e) L& h/ h* H
> > raise.
1 m6 `; b6 j& b> >  E8 s0 k' A  h+ P+ V6 [8 B
> > Sick Days! H8 x$ Q- O# ?8 A% P. W* k
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
7 j6 p/ T1 t; _! R$ a( ?> > proof of sickness.* u* c0 P5 |  ^  p" s& \3 ~
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able6 I( r8 I$ t3 l; i
> > to come to work.' P/ s* [9 l4 g0 ^: P; |' E
> >) d% n5 W! u: K7 ]! f
> > Holiday Days! |, |% {+ U/ S5 w  _
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a+ d0 A8 t  L- `6 r0 x
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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! S$ n* K. L8 ~4 N. g0 c> > Compassionate Leave: t" b! ^5 ^) L7 c
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
. [3 U& [- d# M! y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-- [+ G" c% @: V" }9 i6 R8 W
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
" R/ u5 U: w  ^; w5 B" D> > employees attend to the arrangements." b& g4 i+ a: o- R: I8 E3 b
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
% z  q3 w1 }3 R> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
. U' A  i9 b% }) b$ `9 U( b> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work! o$ q3 h: t5 K/ T3 J0 T
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
  s2 i& X5 v* v> > hour early.4 |" G7 g2 @# z7 A+ U6 P
> >
* G9 d7 K. C' I0 Q8 s> > Toilet Use
& R: q; c9 O9 W' S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
/ A+ V" W. s) y! b+ d) }3 K6 ?" O> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit0 _( }+ U  n& c1 A; j! d8 F
> > in the cubicles.
; U' |9 p$ ~  k> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- J  M3 f" O2 [' ^: z/ O
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( V, {2 Y- ~  y  B
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  U' x7 e( i6 Z0 v* H> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be  J4 b4 l) i! f5 x, B7 F& \
> > posted on the company notice board under the0 Y1 [6 ~- Y0 v& D5 c- b, c: i( c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 B/ M! P0 y) |; m: x  a> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 k( ]6 S( ?, i( O
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health/ I+ C1 m3 g# E9 T$ R$ }
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break) W! n! f5 ?2 c% [" `5 A
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
3 T' p% H9 O. l0 h9 A6 u> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.2 c1 s4 }, C3 V+ k! R" e3 }; D$ K
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to& j1 H5 V7 m4 S$ U7 r- X6 p1 F. Q
> > maintain their average figure.1 X% m& j; ]' G! U/ M
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time3 ]$ r* q2 q8 D* {
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
# M8 ?, c# b/ v; W. r7 Q& {/ F> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
1 R: Y$ s/ a5 i& \> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive/ n9 _* E- l' ~9 t
> > employment experience.( L! e% ^( j; L* O7 H& e1 @: H( s
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,& }/ |2 U5 }, L; z4 E; u, c
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,9 h5 V, N2 M( r' p  I& ?
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be9 R8 f0 V  \7 k: @- B9 a
> > directed elsewhere.