HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:' h! g- P5 z4 s  N7 w, [6 j2 f' }
> >                     Effective January 2007: [1 Y  ~. N9 S4 ~
> >7 j5 Z  n. R; K8 |$ F0 D9 {0 k
> > Dress Code
) q" }, e* a; D# m> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 }# p- H) E( s9 d
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 m3 Z0 ~# O7 X- z  H' X
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume7 }% w. x0 `, Q' w1 p3 {
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not$ B! n! D" l1 s
> > need a pay raise.. e% X9 c: Q  ?" M% K6 z' E6 l6 p
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage8 D1 ?* m$ ]6 {, O( I. X  V# w, d; W
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, j. K6 r- S0 m0 s> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 b! w* `% V7 x: |> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you, [. L" I6 {, N& B
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 g; f5 a6 H& k> > raise.
' [1 R( `+ e  K, F# D> >
- m* u# Z  }7 D* l  x* y> > Sick Days
# O: E0 k: b( t: d# O$ g. H5 h7 J> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
3 ~: V& k) @  z> > proof of sickness.5 `1 T; g$ A$ ]& J8 {% T7 A" a
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 L' `, x9 `6 g5 I! ?* h
> > to come to work.
6 l. x: F$ V& p> >
. b1 P- z% m; M/ g  O8 b> > Holiday Days
' ^& k  Y1 a+ N; e$ F5 t8 N8 R) q> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 S4 p# F1 h, _- S6 k! G> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
) w+ Q) f: @# s7 o5 {3 ^& r5 ?> >
7 a% \& L; P4 L4 R, I5 g# Q. c1 J> > Compassionate Leave# B! f- b/ a- v. R$ {. M/ m
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ W, q7 H2 i3 i9 Z> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" r( L. r. u7 B6 I9 o> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  p/ ~/ ~; m/ b; \6 Z' m& N> > employees attend to the arrangements.
: r" `3 ~  }' a> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
7 J9 x9 S8 R- H( j$ B( S> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
, L& x2 @* S' b( ]7 _, ^+ M: F> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
; {8 H$ J: U: Y, R+ }> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ c, i$ Z8 O, A% `4 n, B% n% P- j" x
> > hour early.
1 ^0 H- [9 |. P' g5 ]7 t+ d& y> >, _5 h; Z- G+ N
> > Toilet Use
" ~5 s: O2 o7 D> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ M% Y* L7 m" o/ v7 b% ]. N
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit+ [8 i% d" W, r5 H. ^, v! l
> > in the cubicles.( W4 P4 a7 e# t; t: O- ~
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 D* {% ?+ L& ^4 K! Z8 a% \$ K
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
3 _; t7 J* @1 _* S0 D$ a> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
2 D& h; S* n2 r6 j* x" q: @# @> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( Y5 A- z) i$ G% J& D" c> > posted on the company notice board under the
, ]7 p6 z+ d! T3 P> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
* s. e3 y/ d" [0 ^> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be! L, A- l4 p( A' Y5 z$ `
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
8 u; t' b& m+ t) f1 M. H% S/ o! g. `> > policy.
$ J: c% G9 _, C+ Y# h& K+ C- ?> >
$ j( _: X; y  t, a- l% C! n' ~& M> > Lunch Break
( L; L0 F) n! o, \3 [# Y> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
9 D' O$ B' y% ~/ S+ ~> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.3 N, K: y/ e. C6 f9 ]4 G* d  d
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to7 i, `. K" R" X
> > maintain their average figure.. S. _( l. U8 i8 ^3 }, Y; o# G0 M$ I# y3 S; Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
2 {% F6 \6 c$ x$ p5 D& |! J8 ]> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.6 t4 J+ u- ~4 T3 y
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ R; V  i+ X) L> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
( q* z0 c0 r' F* W2 Y9 C> > employment experience.
% b* X1 S" w% ]1 Q9 ?7 o: ]- X! l$ a> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,: W" z6 R$ K* F- t
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
$ H5 y* Z, R, m  T/ Y: f2 z1 v> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 c3 b3 D- ]- i  Z; F# i, A
> > directed elsewhere.