HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) A" {* ~0 f" J8 ~' l> >                     Effective January 20075 E/ E0 ]. L+ G5 k# u
> >
- H7 t/ A! ?4 _& m2 V> > Dress Code
, B! x* U5 e% {$ O> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. n$ f  s9 T# s> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
) h* x' O) ]  P& s$ v$ _> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
( d) t4 c! o5 G% o0 t> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not/ Z, c/ E4 U3 u- L
> > need a pay raise.
6 l, `; A, r# n. n, i> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' X, t  w) G1 F7 j
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer+ j' _1 l2 c: j! B( F
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
% b  Q( w4 o3 O5 i/ J> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you/ O+ b6 j- H. O  v4 u
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
: P8 J- U* z/ K7 U- j7 V> > raise.
" U* M3 ?. `$ P  b> >
3 h; ^% W! n+ o! t> > Sick Days
2 @3 T0 I* u" H" |> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
  h" l; J$ m# h8 S8 R- v& F" j> > proof of sickness.
, i; R# G- l9 p+ |% `- c- m4 Q> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able8 K! `$ L& n) Z& W% ^
> > to come to work.
( J3 ]. K. G* }, F) r& ]9 F6 P> >, y1 G! V- \8 ?/ R7 K
> > Holiday Days
) o/ M. ]2 o9 x& V( [2 R' r- _> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a. W- D1 b) K' X
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
" y- j9 F" \0 {. J> >
  ~  B; b" n6 Q8 c7 j5 K# |! J> > Compassionate Leave
# O. |( p9 C4 @% t4 C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 G, l5 {6 l  A% ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 J6 v& N) ^5 R5 S% h: z, t# S# f> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
6 s% K. M8 S- m. s/ F> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 [& V/ h* P& K6 C+ ?
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is! \. V/ y( ]* \1 \* w8 s' y
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ E5 O! ?8 r2 J. T  V
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
( B) C' X9 p) F' \) C4 g> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
2 `+ y4 [. P! x, y> > hour early.
# t$ W5 G. @1 [6 b. Q6 E9 R> >
! t& U: |) E! n$ W4 |> > Toilet Use# Q; F) J' z+ `4 l4 k
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 j4 D0 j: O% z. @; [. ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ ]6 S# n. Z8 Y> > in the cubicles.& o) Q! ?7 v2 Z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will( N7 w2 x- X/ D! d- Y
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
/ f' Q) I8 \7 `" @0 d2 W  e> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.! J/ c$ {1 l: b+ G- g
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
) p1 [* B+ Z/ b> > posted on the company notice board under the( V$ \4 z7 J7 t0 e! \+ K( j
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.9 u2 Q, h* G1 j) o
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be% M  Y% s7 l/ G/ f1 o$ T
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 M3 Y+ Q2 d8 F/ x+ ^3 U+ s/ q> > policy.% S" y. g0 }3 r% d2 b9 n
> >
8 w3 Q  P6 A5 S> > Lunch Break
8 [) I; k& z, i$ ~. ~5 K> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
, J4 Y$ X" z0 L" u& q# K> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
8 y( K0 ~7 m1 L( ]" ?> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
4 v6 g# V: \. C: n3 V  O. ~> > maintain their average figure.% ]5 r2 t) }* O1 \2 S
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time, W+ y' u4 Y! @# }' ^& H5 }- P
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast." s4 }+ x* n9 g- i1 Q/ |, q
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are9 n- K5 l# d6 i4 W: V# X4 A% \. [' U
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
# I3 q& V3 ^2 x. h/ Q6 d  y1 {8 K> > employment experience.6 e7 \7 \! F" f9 Q' ~1 Q7 ?
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,( i; ]: p/ J$ t( S: j
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,6 ?% E- m: C4 w7 Y! U7 e" v
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! q, s# u1 N  g& y; {; W! N> > directed elsewhere.