HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:1 Y! x! r4 C$ D& U& l& @
> >                     Effective January 2007
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, d  V+ O+ n" }6 H- C3 k( @+ P> > Dress Code0 u6 S; c+ W1 ]9 S% ~% ]
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 `$ F* H5 e7 o5 D, G& R
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
  }# h- P- j4 o/ e, r> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 L, g* Q" R% V  v9 c5 u> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not( m: B3 [. e' f- |1 p2 K3 O: ?) Q
> > need a pay raise.
( E3 i9 b5 D/ G2 W" R> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
. u6 \- q# M- a) Z> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer1 n$ a7 V4 n- @
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.) \5 p! n9 h* c4 m6 e8 x+ K" k6 P7 m% m3 V
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
1 }7 k$ d! z& B% \8 u> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& N& W' i% `, M% r> > raise.$ U( O* M2 b5 z" l! a0 X
> >
7 U0 P, o5 L9 r, z> > Sick Days
; W7 K! @0 E, _2 u! `: ^> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
1 `' _3 p% H6 Z: ^3 y; k> > proof of sickness.
6 Y$ ]8 h- W9 Z; O9 p( J2 h# ^! F> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ U& y8 t3 P+ G) l
> > to come to work.( K4 `3 j* ?. N# t# E
> >4 N% I$ x# H0 ]& f7 J! Y  u
> > Holiday Days
) d/ }7 n; i; H% w! b> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a% A" m1 M* M: E/ \+ P1 t' ^
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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; Q2 B4 `3 P% D0 ~* `* }> > Compassionate Leave! i; ?" r$ b( M" G' ]! V4 I; w
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 H0 T1 V- ~' p+ |5 T# Q) D5 ?> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-9 U" ^' U( L+ t7 a
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-6 a0 m4 H. i6 G% Y' D
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
+ f' ]9 \0 [8 S; h3 @> > In rare cases where employee involvement is6 d2 ~: p4 R5 s/ e
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) u7 U. ?! `4 S" Y. J  k8 P5 G> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work2 t; a- R; V8 o2 y  T5 V
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
+ \1 q( f* R1 @> > hour early.# I* ?  t$ }( {$ _6 w  X( j
> ># [  r- a, _! f, b% n
> > Toilet Use+ \3 ^' Y' S# b9 I/ r, c
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
' M2 k( g6 T2 M9 `7 a, ?- H3 ~" P> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit- G% r1 c* d, @. p9 X1 g* l- A
> > in the cubicles.: E/ U, C5 j+ [5 D3 J; E9 B1 M  r
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will$ n1 @* X2 d% j/ v7 i1 W5 u
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
* b- c% ?' t- G+ M, P7 a> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
  Z3 U- P# @" J! f# \- e> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 v' W) ?& W7 T1 c9 ^' b3 Y> > posted on the company notice board under the+ X5 X( U7 \3 N- ]" t
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
( h$ {" r4 x& @- l> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
. g. \: N7 z" D5 n8 F> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 t/ y' y) v0 e8 q. C1 g
> > policy.
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. M2 l3 S; }# K> > Lunch Break
# N) t$ e; ?! w' U5 A- f* F. R5 H> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
  ^; u0 S- c& R3 O0 q2 h> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; v' C% {/ [; v7 F2 S> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
2 b+ r, o* O  |/ w. V> > maintain their average figure.
$ f- l$ Y- F+ B- I* z> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 H: T9 F3 p+ Z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
: a5 g+ t, C# g8 v# w8 |% A1 r: Y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are0 m# c  i, T9 O* ^
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
0 {8 Q6 d4 c' g' }! k% d> > employment experience.
; p) j% {3 V) s& k* \. y& g6 P> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,, J2 k+ W- \8 y
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,! L7 K+ J( L7 r- ~2 g8 k# }
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
  F6 U0 @$ f: e+ c9 }  X) G* e3 A: X> > directed elsewhere.