HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
4 H- H5 C/ E4 R( K8 n> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
7 y0 Z( p) a2 i2 q" N> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed. E$ e' L! v, @3 e$ ~
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
" ?7 [  S/ I* \) f" q6 @> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume% k. x0 ]9 r( C' g) E
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
4 F. C+ N8 X$ q> > need a pay raise.
' t/ n& |3 v; C$ u> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
4 O, [  f) g/ f4 R> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
, @' P* A0 X  i! |3 B> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) V& K2 h$ y1 _6 U> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
5 U, V  w% t+ N1 E& B> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
* I% L3 E* K& W6 v> > raise.. K' [1 [, C  u+ T7 S  B
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> > Sick Days
5 @$ s" ?# _3 }1 L( j> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
. z  `% g. w5 M> > proof of sickness./ D2 m/ z8 Q1 f2 m% V) R- V! q9 A
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able3 B/ C9 p8 ^0 ~  b8 e
> > to come to work.: q  }) S6 f! w4 L
> >
' O7 t) S8 c& @> > Holiday Days
3 [3 G, O. x3 b4 z/ A> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
1 v, \3 }7 ?0 e  {& C$ k$ y> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave4 L. f" M/ Y- T( K' y0 M: h
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing& T. u/ w6 S3 Z$ |4 }, a0 Y- i
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-/ B' i( j1 M  E$ _# w) F+ P0 H
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-# q8 k. `) d# C- L8 `: p
> > employees attend to the arrangements.  L- e7 Z, N4 {2 ]( L
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
" J3 d) e8 r8 L; A> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) R  |( h& ?, e8 B% h> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work; f: R. u# Y$ b, P' w! [, S) k* ]& n% P
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
* N/ X5 l! ~3 t: |> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
) i( q, X# M& \" O" [0 u: l> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the! `, p" ~% ?7 ]' P2 U
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 g% C& ?# u* d5 E9 p: F
> > in the cubicles./ @; H8 _' ?7 y5 q9 L$ ^: ~
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will  H$ `& O/ M% \$ t% I3 [
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle5 z4 _- z  T& y9 B( k
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.7 W: c# }' o& b. n, V, w! V
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be& ]1 {2 V/ x' I
> > posted on the company notice board under the- L9 @% \$ G' \  h; X5 E
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.: K" R  p& Q# Y3 ~; s
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be  G$ h7 t  Z: Q- K+ _
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: o* P: p  I1 x. e$ o7 y
> > policy.) O/ M: h0 L$ k' z
> >
; D* Q  d7 l& Q6 A3 Q! Z> > Lunch Break
" L4 [. H8 D. Q3 B; K. u! H0 i+ M> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
. g3 d, l& i; x2 t  P> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
7 r- Q  |- L$ o> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
- V' k& f5 c) L. N0 H* J> > maintain their average figure.0 m( F9 b  W8 _1 D$ w0 Y2 g/ y* @
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 b* ~9 d; B6 h$ Z  `+ o+ A
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.; X3 p# H' b+ y* r
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: s, {) e% J/ s# J* `. f
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
; ~5 `( ^+ H  f  e> > employment experience.8 `0 f3 Z; e+ H# O/ m" d6 S2 w
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
6 Y7 D7 ^- o4 \+ O1 X& }> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,- E; q4 ?9 b+ V8 l+ X0 ^; B
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
: b  C" R* M4 v% ~$ F> > directed elsewhere.