HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
9 Y; R- Z: m7 N9 a; ]5 f> >                     Effective January 2007& h+ @8 L' x# E; m" W
> >
7 b% \; Q, x& N" y/ X9 U> > Dress Code8 [  q' [: Z% C: h7 o5 g# }6 H
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed( U) i7 B0 W- `9 Y( a
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 s  B) y5 F' K5 e, W& w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 Z6 x% i# N7 h- Z; b  F* A3 r
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
2 B* M" q  ~2 y* }0 ]6 ^2 Z> > need a pay raise.
; W; ~9 P& [  x3 y> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage' e: X. w! T  i$ u0 n1 F
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer$ e& K- i; a* _' N8 I- T6 T% X
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
. X- a1 E  a3 ^> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you! s) l2 s3 q0 J8 ~, _' y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" _' ~7 r# L; l2 `> > raise.! H. i/ z6 P0 d2 r8 [+ \
> >7 d5 v3 [7 R+ p% c4 ~. g
> > Sick Days
5 s; ^1 S4 C" e6 @4 q& H> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as8 D/ t+ B( v9 e1 i' d# `
> > proof of sickness.
4 \( o2 S3 O0 ~- ?8 F> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able, B* T' i1 w; M( b) Y
> > to come to work.6 K' J' h6 v& P+ n4 {8 v4 P
> >% C; i9 l7 E( k) G3 H
> > Holiday Days+ y  O% V/ [% y! M& X& {) d
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a5 P% C4 u4 F0 m2 F: s8 B
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
# |8 C! \" v; v% B& u> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
$ R2 F! z: P, _: @4 R" ]/ S> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" p5 I8 P7 H$ f8 K
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-/ T; M6 x& r; Y) W5 U6 D
> > employees attend to the arrangements.; J2 Q7 E  N! A
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is; m! m- v' Y9 H
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
% S) ]: Z% Q3 ~# P4 |) N: E> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work  F5 `2 }2 Q# y  Q# N
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( `% W+ _3 E6 D% m9 h# n
> > hour early.
6 v" V, h! G3 x2 d> >  l  `7 }4 h5 L, L1 d
> > Toilet Use9 n! h$ y2 j% K4 ^+ M% W+ U
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
2 h) {% Z5 c: u" i4 U9 l& Y> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit/ D" v" L# V) w3 G/ y* F1 |: l
> > in the cubicles.
) u# w% J5 _/ X' y# c9 ]> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
8 G/ v. f0 g. i) b3 s& W+ B> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% g- p$ ]; M  z1 R: O2 N6 [9 N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 @% v7 M* |5 K5 L0 \# R
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be, \5 {4 g) K4 E; e: \
> > posted on the company notice board under the& b! z7 e/ ?0 Y+ k
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 j: x/ n' V- T3 u0 w
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be8 C  g* \: J* j, l  h5 t
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
0 l9 \) e2 a# R/ W% Z> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
5 e6 M/ I/ {) O9 f2 @6 L> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
5 j+ R5 E' _. n! t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% w0 {. l, X0 o/ f> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
$ l) z& \- [$ ?  @> > maintain their average figure.
/ Q4 o5 e7 f" \# r" @- u> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
( @# |% A" E, Q! c6 H4 @1 \> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
/ `; f' H0 ~) K/ V1 b5 z> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are* z7 o0 Z  s. z1 j+ @# u% U3 G
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
" v- T% g; ]- ]) Q> > employment experience.
5 N3 J  b1 A/ J6 l> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
5 t4 ?6 [" R7 z$ {! K1 C: F1 t* r& k> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,7 T# X' K1 p# W- V! m0 F
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 V! i+ E0 Q9 Q' w1 f/ X
> > directed elsewhere.