HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:- f8 a4 |2 n' {, X5 I  W
> >                     Effective January 2007' T  k7 Y. Z' R9 h
> >
9 k- N' g# t5 S, T5 Z> > Dress Code
4 r! h. @( P( T2 o6 B" D> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
. R& a) T0 a- j3 c1 j( y3 C5 S& f> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' Y% ]/ h5 v" s) j- q> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume4 K. _$ k& g9 b
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
) ?0 ?& I4 p% j+ E9 d2 K7 S> > need a pay raise.  @$ m2 R6 A, }! P7 Q) x( M) k
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# J  p/ |$ k' ?& O3 J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer% M# x5 B8 `! a# I$ i2 I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.0 J( w( p, X6 I: S. y  k
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you2 [- [& f8 ?7 u9 O, s  a4 u4 H/ T- _
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
  y( K7 v* p; ^6 a! n, y5 D> > raise.$ W6 h& ]/ E; \! Z4 N- K
> >1 H9 B6 R$ R; @2 b# `* ^
> > Sick Days2 s, D# b* A. n6 T3 B" z5 Q  c/ ~
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
" o, p) x' ~- ^) D1 w$ t7 }" B> > proof of sickness., p7 p& p; D' ]+ [/ d. o2 v+ j1 |
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
0 m; c6 j; e# U1 y8 x0 M> > to come to work.3 ?; J3 B( b% Q- ]  P( a
> >
2 S" q- |, j* T, Y- W: M> > Holiday Days
, c$ o+ [$ v# ]. m4 f+ t0 }0 ^3 b> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a& T- }/ [7 S6 |5 Q! {7 s' {: D
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
  f  U# I& }; p> >; w2 o/ j' {# t6 F
> > Compassionate Leave" v" |  r) u4 L8 ]
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# [) g' @2 r0 o+ I1 _1 s( f
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
6 R" r+ ~7 e. C/ Z+ a3 N+ W> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
4 i) K9 D4 m1 R> > employees attend to the arrangements.
" \5 ?5 w1 _* H8 E# Z7 Q% f> > In rare cases where employee involvement is9 J/ T* |9 z- ]5 ^
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
3 @; X! K4 U0 w7 p. H" j( K> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 Y* n2 Q0 U( a- I
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one5 k0 C3 z. ^2 l" }
> > hour early.
$ D! i- I, C  x* E> >
3 U1 v( d9 Y2 W, O+ |> > Toilet Use; h1 P5 @% _2 p4 _
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the* I# @3 a9 }0 x
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit7 K6 x( e4 W( h+ M8 ^# \8 h2 e$ r
> > in the cubicles.! m/ K- M1 m& k0 D' G3 g2 `
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will* i; F. j1 B6 N$ V5 Q0 H
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
# x; l$ \3 n- G* T, J, R" J> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ h) D- B$ M" h! ^' E2 Z
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be8 u) s0 k  o0 S, @0 d/ w
> > posted on the company notice board under the& z7 ]9 B( ]( ^- ^- X1 k
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.! U' A! N; d3 D5 {
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
- ^- l" p7 ?9 [! U) i0 C> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
$ [5 F- I7 e$ v> > policy.0 J& l& ?% L, H, A
> >+ E: U1 i( s: r) @
> > Lunch Break& H$ d2 n6 t! p, V! W
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
) x1 B7 n( f$ t+ e+ T$ B> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.+ }: d0 M, E) [- X9 S" a4 j. e
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% n* \$ B( [/ \- X/ w4 c
> > maintain their average figure.. h$ O- P3 t' m. z5 ~
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 u$ G) [9 h& g0 v> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
! K. r. O* h; m% R; W> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
. a( }: E4 v6 N' [$ {: w> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 l. J6 }. a2 Q( }6 S& Z% [> > employment experience., z/ l  N% N5 a8 Z
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,  W  ^- `6 g  a3 a1 |, t; P% K
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,# p* r; G7 S5 b* u& f- F; O
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
! L' |# m: c& z> > directed elsewhere.