HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
% a' d, G- o5 d6 Z7 D9 z5 e+ C$ U> >                     Effective January 2007! ]2 I% {4 m) o. I% R! q
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> > Dress Code; w6 a% S) N1 G- g) W9 [; s: B, g7 X) k
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
  S6 {8 ]! H2 c> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( e$ {) u2 ?& R) @5 f
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume" M0 `! j6 j6 V- f7 z* Y: C" x
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
; ^, y3 o9 b! ]: }8 Z> > need a pay raise.1 x7 e3 x5 b1 Z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage- f) S& f1 _! w' r) }' Y; m" `8 H
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer  o' `3 ]/ C5 `
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 E3 a: N' t$ B; q> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 `% J/ ^& m) L
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay+ w; q5 K+ R4 h# l4 d  j8 @
> > raise.
- k8 _" s2 n1 Y* Z> >/ J+ h0 S6 G* a2 b; A, _
> > Sick Days$ _4 \1 h8 E) E0 J9 o8 F
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
9 P9 l  Y+ f0 W$ N% f& ]> > proof of sickness.) e: U2 ~7 a' n+ z
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able; E$ I/ |+ ~( D. r# [
> > to come to work.) @' p8 I( }  @8 p9 S  g
> >, k. N1 d3 j! z, e; K( d* e
> > Holiday Days
7 O4 _$ f$ [! D" c> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
1 c# |6 Z, x* `1 s" _0 q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
  D8 U- D) [+ q; P) k: _) f> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 K# u# _/ }2 V+ A7 |, c1 x5 J> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-" \9 W2 R" K  M
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-4 Q$ ^; t, r4 r% M- ]5 l# `) ~1 f6 k
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
# {% i% P7 X3 {1 i5 W( h$ @> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( m& N7 S9 U1 [> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ l+ h& C0 h/ ]. r' U1 j+ {& n
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
! G: h. K- F3 ~" x$ D' b! U> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one( c5 W) ^6 b; p" q3 W
> > hour early.* T- v6 N( h& O" }& c
> >
) f# Y9 E- p+ ^1 K> > Toilet Use; D  q, c4 Y$ f1 V  ]
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the" h0 S" ^# u6 ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
( ^% `( i9 v" i2 o; q/ j> > in the cubicles.
  C+ l# @$ N# U0 T> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will9 N8 I5 |$ C" ^, v
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
; P; U$ D% C9 c7 a( T% f: o( Q> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.  C2 q' a) g" i3 o1 b' a, [  F, v
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
0 u' F; [0 b3 G( x8 i6 O+ @> > posted on the company notice board under the
/ a: U7 ~+ o9 F- u5 a7 X5 @> > "Chronic Offenders" category.6 G% E; U+ K. D5 `) q! y- s
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- z  ]2 Q4 m5 l/ p/ H
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health3 g' T8 p% r, m& x
> > policy.
" |  F, U9 @2 p# d> >
3 c- @9 T; A- g, l/ H- h, o> > Lunch Break
3 }- l, l( q6 c, i0 }> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
/ q4 {7 s( U. ]" T> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.$ o8 d+ E: `) A$ [
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% @( N. R# ^' A% h$ T) l) s
> > maintain their average figure.: |- L* b0 N7 C5 e' h
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 M: \+ K' H; V, g4 V1 z> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
2 N, y7 \4 M' {0 V! i( {2 ^> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 l% n! l* k# B
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
  \  M! J4 z* r8 h* N9 ]7 G7 [> > employment experience.9 h: g% m" W- [# `; r
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints," ~* {* G1 X6 [
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
+ h8 m) V7 P+ Z" ?  |> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be# N3 |1 e$ z, p# z# W) {6 T7 f
> > directed elsewhere.