HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
" ?; r" l7 O/ m3 Q' Z> >                     Effective January 2007
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" [( w. u3 C% l7 t+ C: g% V> > Dress Code9 U2 x3 P' T3 N4 W
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
4 h8 ^- y0 @8 H4 J> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing5 V. H+ R6 O/ a3 z- a! J0 k* k
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 I5 M, F, m  H8 e+ u. }> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 G* f( K  B8 Q/ j& G; \, X% [> > need a pay raise., |  E( C! C$ ?& ?" A5 g3 Y3 X
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ k7 i  K& p' b4 w. [  A3 Q> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ S7 _* c: Z% u; f! @1 D" S' ?> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 i: K/ |( x% X& l9 A5 F$ G) `> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 |7 t. }6 z) ?9 C6 w> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay0 y2 q# `2 L, P! |; G( ]/ M& _
> > raise.
1 z2 r' r# M; g* p9 H9 \> >
3 O. u6 G+ Y) t> > Sick Days* q/ s3 p+ j- Q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 Z0 F0 R% n. ^$ k8 i0 ?! H> > proof of sickness.
3 A  \, p9 V7 Y7 N( j. y" V> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
8 ^8 l( }8 q( m6 r; g> > to come to work.
4 Q) |  U/ c1 v( f! s2 M> >" U' O# o) Q' e4 r3 k
> > Holiday Days
3 L% V+ o$ r) Z> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
6 P7 h0 j3 z" l0 Q: p9 q> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
; U+ a* \( |0 f5 d8 z( X> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing$ a& {( ~) s4 ]+ j  J2 N" F
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-6 \+ \+ n+ L% r0 h+ z  ?% Z' R) j
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
. }) l% C0 {2 `% y% V5 V5 n- [> > employees attend to the arrangements., x( n" F# q- e1 i2 J0 B) {
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" U; n' I6 i) i. W4 P6 T8 }) V" p4 m
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the4 i( e* k1 o7 ~, W+ i! I
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
" E5 W- v- W$ q' J+ q> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
% Q+ K2 `2 ?( U$ D) H& ?> > hour early.
$ O( E! s, j9 m> >
, F4 ^7 Q6 j1 G9 ?1 |> > Toilet Use* ]' c' {3 y; B/ @4 z& j, e
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the$ X. G) B* s6 z2 {" u; M$ O
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 X) ~: s: `  s0 e
> > in the cubicles.$ Z' J0 }: d/ c2 H8 I( Y' K
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will- `  L% m% L; l% b
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
& x& c9 v, f1 p& K( \> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
! v% @- w/ I- C( w> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
: t* w) h/ }, N. ^> > posted on the company notice board under the0 a+ c, J% Z( N4 t) [7 w
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
  G! a" p7 A( M& ^! a: f3 W) r> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 A8 o. A' t9 `7 b( D+ i/ I
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. r& \, j' C" U$ a  Z: u> > policy.7 [  ?; m, L- F* }2 N: ~, l9 B
> >1 q: M- D9 [. B! v9 k2 B1 g
> > Lunch Break
0 T  ]/ b/ R6 L4 f/ U; b> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 M$ a% M3 {5 P2 p; Y0 D% U> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
5 n" V2 B, o: L7 Q# B$ y> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
8 s! q+ \% l5 P% W- L> > maintain their average figure.% F- g6 \3 `5 c9 c  w
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 N+ r) m8 E5 w. @& n9 I4 w
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& B4 N& F/ l( ^9 I> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
$ `( b; o/ m: J3 |0 G/ j6 Y- ?> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* W( b4 M8 g& m6 m/ v6 o& Z! x1 f4 x> > employment experience.- ?8 A' o8 ^8 U* U  [$ q; K
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,0 p! o2 g+ o: m+ `+ G, C& o' L; P3 q
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; ], ]) D3 d' l> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be3 F' T0 r% L) T- |9 g0 n# b
> > directed elsewhere.