HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:, [) x( p+ ~$ c3 y/ q) F& V2 t$ G
> >                     Effective January 2007
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- b( Z% M4 G! z) C; O7 R> > Dress Code
. I! k8 N1 }; a. X7 J( T& v" L> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 G5 o% F. E5 N2 K> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
, Z, B7 r$ i$ A# D0 F( c1 D> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume3 Q8 _) K+ }# Z2 v7 D
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
9 K+ R, _6 _9 F; S& C3 e1 g. k> > need a pay raise., b/ a* _) Q: V. E7 \1 i6 }7 |
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage9 @- D9 d0 e! w4 U' g! |  |/ k
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- g9 N1 k# k+ z" k2 Y
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.9 x! w; @& f* g! n
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
  q! z' T& Z! t* ~; d. s> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay% t9 h$ Y- e* l  O
> > raise.
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! ]& u  A* T. h7 x9 D> > Sick Days+ t7 @. l& `% i$ S. \
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as0 r2 U# j& D' T
> > proof of sickness.
) _# H6 q% U" ?0 \% |3 w9 u> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
) [- ^; U6 A0 a> > to come to work.
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> > Holiday Days: D3 Z( [) X1 Y& F) E
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
0 E" z- d# ^. d* x, @4 `! i> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; i8 E! q" F5 |/ r. \5 o1 y. k
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> > Compassionate Leave
7 U3 w8 |+ j4 ^# T& M) H4 ]/ I> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing/ a8 A3 c0 R3 x6 f4 B5 j* I, ~
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
) O3 Y+ {/ j- D. |1 q+ x( e. s> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-" \3 n# ?. f5 P
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
  _. x+ \, s5 r! B5 V> > In rare cases where employee involvement is" g& y4 q) N$ F, Y# o
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the/ |+ N' S. Y# \2 @0 Z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work$ X* m9 |7 L" o# y  B
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one) X$ V# p/ Z3 P1 r* x3 `( S; K5 M
> > hour early.& V9 Q# ~- j1 S
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> > Toilet Use
/ W+ ]' f( `9 G5 P. }% I# c+ d& n> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
1 A6 J9 h% Y+ t/ [+ A  G9 X; o/ ~> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit! g; X! E9 n% f3 }/ R" S- q1 L
> > in the cubicles.
# T6 F6 V1 N% }# n6 I> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
+ s6 ^0 e% I. t8 n$ m> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
4 Z" N% D# H" r. i: c> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: }* c0 k( f4 y& _/ \7 O& e8 Z1 x, {
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
' f# L4 r0 J+ M. Y2 G6 x. S: Z> > posted on the company notice board under the
& W& E; P! K+ F; o$ E6 @- p" W+ W  i, N> > "Chronic Offenders" category., X; a! n2 I  z. T7 u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be+ x: F: e1 m9 K* B/ q! X
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
7 C; o9 H! R/ q' m5 \> > policy.2 e9 y& i& H: q! [+ r" O" T4 a
> >! V& l0 d# g/ Y+ q
> > Lunch Break
+ `5 r# n( z* {# u2 m> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they+ o- k/ P) ]1 d4 j8 u
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& t8 k1 ]' {% [, A! ^3 H( ~& d> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to3 [0 D( P, H% f/ V
> > maintain their average figure.3 E! H5 _3 s6 e. u) j
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 S) d8 v% T+ Q; D  [( M1 w> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.3 T5 S+ M' V  e1 ]
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
- F/ t1 s8 \. ^1 Z+ U' g5 e$ n3 m> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
6 j) z& b& h) s  ^8 w> > employment experience.9 v3 j* E- p$ R" g* @1 X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 A  G+ x; ^: i9 ]4 I; Q2 d6 b2 w> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,  g: r  b  f, w& ^- \; O0 t4 g
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
7 F( I9 L2 A9 r) T! K/ @> > directed elsewhere.