HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 n& _( W$ x( _: r% q! u> >                     Effective January 2007* ?! W9 C0 q; R8 W. S7 a
> >
7 ?# f; p$ U9 @0 o  ~) c# V> > Dress Code
# m  D6 j  r1 h6 t5 p' r8 a- O9 Y> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed/ u* X5 w# |1 h, d
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) S9 o: c# x4 F$ h% S' Y* O
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume) [6 K% T) r: t
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
6 j- W8 D+ b, I1 i( A> > need a pay raise.9 }7 C2 q& Q% p0 q. ^9 I% z
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage. M) }7 S4 p* `, t- s$ C
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
% }( o0 x4 o% Z4 x! G- g. y( F> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ N) s- B; w% X
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 K7 }! R& b2 C$ }. X" ^- L5 n- P> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
" a2 B" E- u5 d7 R& {> > raise.
4 j+ `1 T% M) L2 C5 V  e  u> >7 B) n0 g! l# ]+ v& l
> > Sick Days4 d: N+ V4 ~! W$ G# j4 C3 W( J4 N
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
) r5 w3 A2 p6 @% f; n> > proof of sickness.
/ \" @. r' ]) Q, B( S8 l; X> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
1 D: R3 Y$ S2 v; T* i> > to come to work.
( M$ [" M& j2 g3 S3 I> >& b* o8 Q$ [9 R/ A! [$ s
> > Holiday Days
& }/ ]( }" i0 L$ Q% P: Y( t: w. B> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a( D. d4 E- M* k$ W
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
& m8 O9 t. {/ R> >
8 d( {( [$ m) \) D8 @- Z/ Z/ c+ w> > Compassionate Leave
# m1 ~( N+ a0 b) ^3 v2 l' O; R; y> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
6 L$ H3 Z; Z+ ]( z% P8 O8 y> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
0 s, S+ l' L" U  N> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 L4 ~7 k. O# F9 _4 n, G> > employees attend to the arrangements.; J$ M" J! m: c! h6 ~% {
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, S5 R/ g7 ]2 k/ V, n) p0 c
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the$ q  x% G$ o( l) \) w; G7 x* t
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
3 H( c0 t/ z) P7 G9 }/ I! h> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
7 G9 d- _7 l( A2 t; m> > hour early.
6 C  o* T$ S: I1 }1 j7 G: n: d> >" d. I, o, [% N! O
> > Toilet Use
4 Q8 K- S7 M, D7 @> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the+ b' G) T6 A, L' o
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
$ W4 S: ?" ?' e! i. g> > in the cubicles.
" L6 p4 t4 a# n0 c7 H> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 a# {( R4 A) H3 `/ V; b
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle% V8 ~2 G9 ~$ \4 t
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.& L, {3 g' ^5 T6 g
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
$ o' A! _2 g. f7 L> > posted on the company notice board under the! ?. S& x! ?" h7 z: d8 P5 J
> > "Chronic Offenders" category., U3 d+ l) @7 L
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
7 e5 k4 x  O/ m  m8 a* x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health- a* F8 ~* J" N! }6 B
> > policy.7 F* d. s; [* ~% b* X
> >3 h( q' }+ Z& r# K" y+ A* G. ~6 P. q
> > Lunch Break  p- i+ r2 V+ q1 |& T
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they& a6 s+ f( V) s. F
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.& l3 S6 E; U. Q* f8 f4 r
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to! m3 G0 \& d% [7 Z# S
> > maintain their average figure.
* [: i* ~/ E" G) `! b" O> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
" M% a9 G" O( ?7 X> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
6 E5 _7 ?) N3 V7 E  H# P4 i# y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ p! ]) T8 c" {2 u  I/ k> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
3 M8 A2 A6 l+ @6 V> > employment experience./ t, G, n2 b- {) l
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
/ C* i% t, _+ e3 o4 a# ?2 c4 o9 w0 Z> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,5 O- h4 i" \+ O) |# D! w
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 y( U/ n5 r) u0 I> > directed elsewhere.