HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
3 j) w6 E+ R. j> >                     Effective January 2007) j7 N% X& U& q* I! G' O
> >" e- b( |* D- S5 l. _
> > Dress Code
2 |! e! ^2 |3 ?# \" e9 C: m0 d> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 I. b9 i1 \4 L. O$ i> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing4 _( f( {4 F& e2 z
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume9 q- g+ }  G* l* ]
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, P2 }' ^- D+ e& y$ I# |+ I$ \
> > need a pay raise.
' c9 I% ]- X# e$ ?/ S2 \' f> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
/ N5 k0 u# i# P. J> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer! k7 V/ p& c3 u+ F0 m8 I
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
/ W9 Z5 j0 D9 n; H1 ~4 E! E> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; p/ n3 E4 e7 z6 O5 X> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. M) D: ?1 t5 X/ }3 l9 M> > raise.
* u6 n  m/ U6 n) w+ I& `, J& I> >
& A& w' l& S$ l& b> > Sick Days/ D) a& R) m) u9 q
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as( M6 Q8 Z0 p4 X- L& x! F
> > proof of sickness.
5 x, H. m4 w! a7 K" o> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able" h4 m& V+ F& V* y/ N) _& A$ R, i) t
> > to come to work.: G5 U0 G& g# V+ W( `
> >- T& O) B, M/ L5 n$ I
> > Holiday Days
& @+ _5 u( ^9 ^) ^; W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
% b5 ^0 U2 D" k5 G' ?1 n9 ]: ^> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
7 P; g4 |2 C) l! G3 l> >
, E3 [  Z/ @& d- w) T> > Compassionate Leave; L6 F3 q" R1 H* s$ m. Y+ g6 ?
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
2 @* y! R6 h& v% T. V: \> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" Z; ~; \: L1 |* D2 B9 l* Q, v> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-! v5 t! g7 ^) e
> > employees attend to the arrangements.4 M# S, [0 T7 I/ J" v
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
3 D$ U7 k; ~, y0 v2 E> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
' n' Q, `  a: U# H% k. y> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work4 w0 z& E5 t5 `5 [- N! l
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
3 {7 ]' |4 m6 G% e' m- s( ]1 ?2 H  k> > hour early.
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$ m9 \& Y5 r" f0 ?> > Toilet Use
- s. {& {  F! S> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
- h' l# e; x" g- |% A( }. O. i( t. M> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
7 s2 T8 p$ l0 P2 i+ }: K> > in the cubicles.3 A2 J( F7 u; |% p; p
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will% p0 c/ C& `0 p. U$ q9 `0 \
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( ?4 `4 Y1 y! n% G
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
6 r. R2 h" f0 f0 h& X, H> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
7 j7 A' i9 Z2 J( x7 T> > posted on the company notice board under the: J  [% L: b  S. M+ g+ |$ w. M) r
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.- G/ G6 m5 O0 f3 ?* m9 z5 U4 F6 O$ m
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be: b- i3 V2 [+ @3 _6 Q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 Q! m$ U3 c  F9 @& Q
> > policy.
0 J. O/ r8 M- c9 ^0 V7 X> >
# a+ k. x6 w) ~; t+ H7 v1 A: s> > Lunch Break8 V' b' t2 {  g+ n8 X& }+ I5 f
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they1 a! ^; e" C5 ~5 X
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.! C' v' x/ M  `7 i: W
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to- m# J) I% Z( j& x
> > maintain their average figure.# Q7 C& h7 p( F* S% s2 N* o
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% [+ K5 ?$ e( u8 W6 i4 L% \
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.: k) x& _8 |. K+ b# s( L- F
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are# {6 F) V8 X* r  y
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
) P' _* |) O9 o: }> > employment experience.5 U3 j5 V# {# W1 Q; h& ^* W
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,1 `( N8 V, k, r# E; k
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
% n/ J! _" v( ?1 v' |" v; J> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be6 ^! m1 J- {8 B( I% w
> > directed elsewhere.